Annoying Questions I'd Like Answered...

[Prak]

Ah, ok, well, grats all around, I guess, Koumei. I envy you.

Brings up an annoying question of my own, though.

So, the topic of sex, and getting it, came up amongst my coworkers and I, and I made my usual observation that women can very easily get sex. They could walk out into the street, naked, ringing a dinner bell, and find a willing partner. Obviously this isn't a good way to get a desirable partner, but it is doable. Where as men really can't do that, unless in San Francisco. Or perhaps the South.

My coworkers, both girls, said men have it just as easy.

So, is it really that easy for men? Can you actually just walk up to someone and say "Wanna fuck?" and get something out of it?

(on a side note, I wish I'd talked about this stuff to one of them sooner, as she apparently just gives head out like handshakes. Unfortunately, she is currently seeing someone.)

[Koumei]

You can give people handshakes when dating someone, it's totally okay.

Anyway, I'm not really the best person to ask on the matter, but ultimately it seems that anyone attractive can easily get sex. It seems a greater number of women take care of their appearance than men, so more women find it easy. For both sexes, looking rich can also do it, because many people are attracted to people with money (or even "attracted to people who I won't have to support").

I'm pretty sure a Cracked article covered it, saying you go to a club, see all these hot and "average" girls getting guys, and your brain is literally ignoring the existence of the *actually* average and ugly girls.

[Prak]

I'm pretty sure her boyfriend would not like her continuing to give out "handshakes." Plus she seems to be against it herself.

I've heard plenty of times that it comes down to confidence. But that's not all, and we all know it. No matter how confident you are, unless you literally have golden junk that secretes Jack Daniels or chocolate, just going up to someone saying "Let's fuck" is generally not going to work, due to social conventions. Drug suffused gatherings not withstanding.

[K]

Apparently, there was a psych study where this guy stood on a street corner and propositioned women for sex. He had a 5% success rate.

Now, that is probably skewed high because people doing psych studies tend to good-looking grad students, but the fact that it's non-zero proves the point that even tactics that seem that they would be wildly unsuccessful can succeed if you try them often enough. It really is a numbers game most days and having any standards at all reduces your chances of success.

As for the whole thing about "confidence," that's not exactly true. Straight women are attracted to power in various forms, and the most obvious sign of power is confidence.

That being said, power comes in many forms and not all women respond to the same forms. Having a great body is physical power, wearing nice clothes and tipping well is financial power, being "cool" is having emotional and social power, fame is social power, holding office is power, and simply being really good at your job or being well-loved is a form of power. Heck, simply walking around with a hot woman is enough to get other women interested.

This means that the trick to getting women to be attracted to you is to find your form of power and emphasize and increase it.

That just covers base attraction. Getting them to actually date you, maintaining a relationship, or getting the kinds of women that turn you on are different tricks entirely.

[violence in the media]

So, is it really that easy for men? Can you actually just walk up to someone and say "Wanna fuck?" and get something out of it?

It can be. But like K said, if you're not playing a straight numbers game and propositioning everything in the vicinity like a carnal version of speed dating, there's a lot of "it depends" involved. And again, you have to contend with your standards and getting the partner you prefer vs. the partner available.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

I've learned from personal experience: You don't WANT the type of woman that puts out like that. I've been there, it's not pretty. These days, I only date women that seem like they DON'T put out (granted, the last one was lying about that, but I've moved on, seeing someone else in a couple days that seems better and less likely to be a sexual predator).

And yes, I know what hestkuk means. I am going to use it for a D&D game. I don't think my players realize how many offensive phrases I crib from foreign languages (An "old Elvish proverb" used for a puzzle was actually Suomi for "It won't taste like grape when it's up your butt")

[violence in the media]

Yes, Count, bitches and filthy whores the lot of them--we know. I am so sorry for your experiences.

Contrary to that, Prak, as long as you--ideally, all parties involved, but you at least--know what you're getting into and don't make it weird or let yourself get manipulated, then a good time can be had by all. Not many people will want to sleep with someone they can sense will disrespect them or look down on them later.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

Look, I know I can be a real pain in the ass when I'm going through a depressive episode or having a panic attack, but I don't appreciate it when people twist my words around like that. I admit I have issues, but I am nowhere near as negative as some of you people make it out to be. I wish you'd stop.

[Prak]

As cute as this girl is, I definitely don't want to date her. But after three years.... a bit of casual head would be nice.

I don't suppose knowledge in the culinary or gaming/literature fields are a form of power with many supplicants, are they?

[Count Arioch the 28th]

Women love a man who can cook. For one, gifts of food is a pretty standard courtship ritual that works on one of the most primal centers of the brain. Furthermore, if you can cook well it amplifies the effect. (A man who cooks willingly, but poorly is "adorable". A man who cooks well is impressive, and if you hone your skills enough women will literally throw themselves at you crotch-first).

[Prak]

Well at least I should get one thing out of going for a career in the culinary industry. I mean, other than that whole personal fulfillment thing.

[Josh_Kablack]

So, is it really that easy for men? Can you actually just walk up to someone and say "Wanna fuck?" and get something out of it?

Well yes but I happen to be straight, and even if I were gay or bi, the gay guys I know who are that eager all rate way way to high on the drama-o-meter for me put any serious emotional investment in them.

Apparently, there was a psych study where this guy stood on a street corner and propositioned women for sex. He had a 5% success rate.

Now I'm curious how that would compare to his success rate in a singles bar, or speed dating or other slightly more socially acceptable venues for that sort of thing.

[Doom]

I also would like to know was he propositioning ALL women (seniors, women holding hands with a date, etc)?

[PoliteNewb]

So, the topic of sex, and getting it, came up amongst my coworkers and I, and I made my usual observation that women can very easily get sex. They could walk out into the street, naked, ringing a dinner bell, and find a willing partner. Obviously this isn't a good way to get a desirable partner, but it is doable. Where as men really can't do that, unless in San Francisco. Or perhaps the South.

My coworkers, both girls, said men have it just as easy.

So, is it really that easy for men? Can you actually just walk up to someone and say "Wanna fuck?" and get something out of it?

Short answer? No.

Long answer?

Women don't really have it that easy either...or rather, as Koumei pointed out, how easy anyone (of either gender) has it is largely determined by their attractiveness, and by the attractiveness threshold they are willing to sex with.

If you are willing to fuck anyone, odds are good you can get someone to fuck you. If you have standards of any kind, you will have a harder time. And keep in mind things like "must be a heterosexual" and "must care about giving me an orgasm" are standards.

Also keep in mind that many people have all sorts of built-in limiters that prevent them from having casual sex...things like religious beliefs, committed relationships, and the weird idea that sex with strangers can be incredibly risky, and not just in the "dick falls off" sense.

I would honestly answer anyone's assertion that it is "easy" for men to have random sex by saying, "put up or shut up". If they are not willing to go to the mattresses with you right then and there, on what are they basing their assertion?

A final note, which some may consider sexist...I personally believe that in general, men desire sex more than women. I am well aware that women can and do enjoy sex, but I have yet to meet a woman who desires sex as often as I do, and/or who rates it as highly as I do as a recreational activity. For instance, someone may enjoy sex, but not as much as a long romantic walk on the beach or seeing a good movie...me personally, I will take sex over just about any activity. I don't care if they're showing my favorite movie, or if I had plans to read this newly-released novel I've been waiting weeks for...if I am offered sex, I'm likely to go do that instead, because it is honestly the thing I have the most fun doing.

As far as frequency...I would like it every day or multiple times per day, assuming my partner is willing. In general, I have not found many women who like the same frequency (I am well aware that there are many women who have sex with that frequency, but it's usually to suit their partner...I have not yet met a woman who tells me that she desires it that often).

Disclaimer: my sexual experiences are naturally limited, as I have been married for 11 years and was not promiscuous before that point, and my data is limited by those women and men who are willing to frankly discuss sexuality with me. Hence, my sample size is not outrageously large, so my data could well be faulty. That said, I am always willing to improve my data set, so I may as well ask: what is your gender, and how often do you like to have sex?

[Maj]

That said, I am always willing to improve my data set, so I may as well ask: what is your gender, and how often do you like to have sex?

Female (age 34). At least once a day. Ess' libido doesn't keep up with mine, though, so I don't always get what I want.

[fbmf]

For instance, someone may enjoy sex, but not as much as a long romantic walk on the beach

Reminds me of...



Game On,
fbmf

[sabs]

39 Male (1-2 times a day)
Although usually when I visit my girlfriend we have sex anywhere from 3-5 times a day.

I think her ideal would be 3-4 times a day.
(also, usually sex takes somewhere between 45 minutes to 3 hours, average being about 70 minutes. We really suck at quickies.)

[Koumei]

Maj: it doesn't take two to tango :p

Female, 27. A side-effect of my medication is I have a fairly low libido, so maybe once or twice a week am I actually up for it. And it can take anywhere up to eight frigging hours to get to "the point of the exercise" - so the partner at the party enjoyed multiple orgasms, whereas I honestly enjoyed just doing stuff and didn't get off (nor need to).

I think I prefer intimacy to the actual climax part of sex. Cuddling, the act of sex itself/foreplay, just being comfortable enough with someone that you can lean over and use her bosom as a pillow, etc.

[Prak]

24, male gender-queer. I'm single, and given the question I just asked, clearly, not getting any. So basically it's currently "never." I...take my plow into my own hands roughly once a day or so. Sometimes more, sometimes not for a few days. When I'm with someone... I actually don't fucking remember. But I still desire it roughly daily.

[Grek]

Although usually when I visit my girlfriend we have sex anywhere from 3-5 times a day.

That comes out to a mean of 7.5 hours of sex per visit. How the fuck do you even get out of bed the next day?

[sabs]

Why would you get out of bed the next day? You just do it again

[RobbyPants]

32, male, once every day or two. Actuality is less than I'd like, but I guess that's not what you actually asked.

[Kaelik]

Male 23, 3-4 times a day every other day.

You would get out of bed because having sex in the same bed for several days is unclean and/or a little stale.

[Koumei]

...how do some of you have time to post?

[sabs]

I work and can't have sex at work. (Oh and I sadly live 600 miles from my girlfriend. It sucks)