What kind of creature does this look like to you?

[Prak]

Bastards and Bloodlines was an interesting book. I mean, the LAs were completely fucked, even for LAs, but WotC's got a crap record on those too. But there were some genuinely interesting/cool concepts (Blink Dog/Halflings called Blinklings, Gnome/Cloakers called Lurkers, Gnome/Pixies called Trixies, Dwarf/Gargoyles called Watchers, Dwarf/Wargs called Wendigos)

That's a long list of things that you couldn't pay me to stick my dick in. What, pray tell, compels a Gnome to fuck a cloaker?

Oh, sure, but at least they're all sapient. While most people may not see the appeal of fucking a blink dog or a cloaker, at least it isn't a moral abomination to do so. The book also has Alicorns (elf/unicorn, not winged unicorns), Gnome/Umber Hulks, Human/Mind Flayers, Dwarf/Ropers (I'm reasonably certain those are magical creations, not the result of tentacle rape), Elf/Giant Eagles (I double checked, Giant Eagles are sapient, so that's merely implausible), E;f/Cantaurs in both biped and quadruped varieties, disturblingly attractive Halfling/Harpies (Halfling traits are dominant, so really just halflings with wings), Elf or Halfling/Satyrs, and Elf/Treants. Along with a lot of other less remarkable things, like three varieties of Half-Goblinoid and Half giant. And, yes, the Elf/Nymph and (any humanoid)/Dryad that Koumei mentioned.

Edit: yeah, Lashers (Dwarf/Roper) are the result of arcane experimentation. However, they can mate with both sides of their heritage. Sadly, they do not have beard-tentacles to make up for that slightly horrifying mental image.

[DSMatticus]

Bastards and Bloodlines was an interesting book. I mean, the LAs were completely fucked, even for LAs, but WotC's got a crap record on those too. But there were some genuinely interesting/cool concepts (Blink Dog/Halflings called Blinklings, Gnome/Cloakers called Lurkers, Gnome/Pixies called Trixies, Dwarf/Gargoyles called Watchers, Dwarf/Wargs called Wendigos)

That's a long list of things that you couldn't pay me to stick my dick in. What, pray tell, compels a Gnome to fuck a cloaker?

While kinky BDSM gnomes with a pseudo-bestiality fetish are one explanation, I will point out that cloakers have all the monstrous rapist tools of the trade - action denial, stealth, and a +16 total grapple check over the average gnome. They could totally just go facehugger on the poor little thing.

Also: cloakers are actually sapient (int 14, wis 15, cha 15), so... who are you to question their love, you bigot?

[OgreBattle]

At this point they should just let dwarves stick it in anvils and boulders.

[Desdan_Mervolam]

Wait, does the fact that Blink Dogs have average intelligence make schtoinking not be bestiality? Because they are still quadrupedal, they don't have opposable thumbs, and as near as I can tell they can't speak any languages. The MM says they have a comprehensive language made of dog sounds, but doesn't say anything about them being able to speak, or even understand any languages. I would guess they can understand normal languages, but that's just common sense, there's no rule to back that up. Also, I haven't done a comprehensive search, but I don't recall ever seeing "Blink Dog" on a list of learn-able languages.

[Username17]

Wait, does the fact that Blink Dogs have average intelligence make schtoinking not be bestiality? Because they are still quadrupedal, they don't have opposable thumbs, and as near as I can tell they can't speak any languages. The MM says they have a comprehensive language made of dog sounds, but doesn't say anything about them being able to speak, or even understand any languages. I would guess they can understand normal languages, but that's just common sense, there's no rule to back that up. Also, I haven't done a comprehensive search, but I don't recall ever seeing "Blink Dog" on a list of learn-able languages.

Blink Dogs speak their own language and have human intelligence. Blink Dogs qualify to learn other languages and some of them do. Every Blink Dog with an Intelligence of 12 or higher gets a bonus language of something other than "Blink Dog." Being sexually involved with a Blink Dog may be gross (because they do actually look like dogs), but it is not immoral (they are normal people from the standpoint of decision making, personal rights, and such forth).

I don't want to watch or hear someone describe a sexual encounter with a Blink Dog. But I have no moral ground to tell someone they cannot fuck a Blink Dog.

-Username17

[DSMatticus]

Wait, does the fact that Blink Dogs have average intelligence make schtoinking not be bestiality?

Strictly speaking, bestiality is defined as humans and non-humans banging. That definition works in the real world because there is only one human-like intelligence (humans) that we are aware of, and so necessarily the non-human side of that equation is not of human-like intelligence - and that gives people legitimate grounds to say "bestiality is immoral because it's rape - animals can't consent." Separately from those moral issues, bestiality is also really gross.

But when you posit the existence of non-humans who do have human-like intelligence, that definition of bestiality falls apart. Both elves and blink dogs are non-human, but both have human-like intelligence and language. If you can cross the language barrier, you can ask them if they want to bang, and then they can decide whether or not that is a thing they want to do and answer you. There's nothing immoral about that - it's consent between two equal actors and it's completely aboveboard. In the case of the elf, it's not even gross - an elf is just a human with pointy ears. But the point is, when you're talking about fantasy/sci-fi settings with a bunch of other sapient races, the metric you should use to decide if something is bestiality is probably sapience. Or else the original Star Trek ends up being a show about bestiality in space.

Also, I haven't done a comprehensive search, but I don't recall ever seeing "Blink Dog" on a list of learn-able languages.

There are a decent chunk of languages hidden in monster entries that never show up outside of those monster entries, some of which aren't even named (see blink dog). Even the list in the speak language skill is only labelled common languages.

[radthemad4]

Pathfinder Blink Dogs speak Sylvan apparently.

[Prak]

relevant:

[OgreBattle]

Are beavers in D&D still able to talk and make business transactions with humans?

[shadzar]

@Prak. but Captain Jack would fuck anything living, dead, inanimate. Just watch Sing Your Face Off.

pretty sure he would have any of the following gladly:
Tribbles
Daleks
Galeb-duhr
Flesh Golem
his pet rock
etc

[codeGlaze]

I am okay with both goblin stereotypes. I personally made my goblins more akin to Warcraft goblins. Their entire social structure is based around family corporations and trade unions. Ranging the gamut of lawfulness.

[Prak]

Somewhere in my sketch books or head or scraps of paper I had an idea for goblins who used hat size to denote power, with the explanation being that they make hats from the stuff they kill, so the more powerful they are, the bigger things they can kill, the bigger hats they can make. The goblin kings have servants to carry their hats for them, and powerful goblin necromancers dangle from animate corpse hats strapped to their heads.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

Bastards and Bloodlines was an interesting book. I mean, the LAs were completely fucked, even for LAs, but WotC's got a crap record on those too. But there were some genuinely interesting/cool concepts (Blink Dog/Halflings called Blinklings, Gnome/Cloakers called Lurkers, Gnome/Pixies called Trixies, Dwarf/Gargoyles called Watchers, Dwarf/Wargs called Wendigos)

That's a long list of things that you couldn't pay me to stick my dick in. What, pray tell, compels a Gnome to fuck a cloaker?

>not wanting to stick your dick in a cloaker or a blink dog
>2013+1

What are you, some sort of deviant?

[ishy]

But if small stuff like goblins are powerful enough to kill bigger things, then why would they equate size with power?

[Prak]

Because it's D&D, and the really powerful stuff tends to be really big, and powerful mortals are just an exception. A tyrannosaurus will usually be a big enough threat that you could invoke cthulhu "1d6 investigators" rules against goblins that fight one, and it will seriously take a platoon of goblins to kill one, but a single goblin with enough levels can take it down on its own. Then to show how powerful it is, the goblin turns its head into a fancy hat so that every goblin knows that the rex slaying goblin is worth the 16 goblin war1s that take twelve rounds to drop the rex while losing twelve goblins.

[codeGlaze]

Because it's D&D, and the really powerful stuff tends to be really big, and powerful mortals are just an exception. A tyrannosaurus will usually be a big enough threat that you could invoke cthulhu "1d6 investigators" rules against goblins that fight one, and it will seriously take a platoon of goblins to kill one, but a single goblin with enough levels can take it down on its own. Then to show how powerful it is, the goblin turns its head into a fancy hat so that every goblin knows that the rex slaying goblin is worth the 16 goblin war1s that take twelve rounds to drop the rex while losing twelve goblins.

Eeeeexcellent

[JigokuBosatsu]

I swear, I check out for a coupla weeks and all of a sudden we're dogfucking again...

[Chamomile]

Because it's D&D, and the really powerful stuff tends to be really big, and powerful mortals are just an exception.

More importantly, stuff that's really big almost always get to be CR6 just for waking up in the morning, which means if you're walking around with a hat made from the hide of a Huge creature, it can be assumed you are mid-level. Whereas a hat made from another goblin could be a high-level caster you defeated in an epic magic duel, but it could also be some level 0 punk whose dog kept getting into your gardenias.

[Voss]

I swear, I check out for a coupla weeks and all of a sudden we're dogfucking again...

Yeah, nothing quite says welcome back like a shadzar thread.

[fectin]

bestiality is also really gross

Ah, yes. And the homophobia justifications come out.

[erik]

Then to show how powerful it is, the goblin turns its head into a fancy hat so that every goblin knows that the rex slaying goblin is worth the 16 goblin war1s that take twelve rounds to drop the rex while losing twelve goblins.

That's a big fuckin fancy hat. A goblin could comfortably lay down inside a T-Rex skull (but not for very long if Rex is still alive). I bet instead he takes a tooth as a dagger.

[darkmaster]

Then to show how powerful it is, the goblin turns its head into a fancy hat so that every goblin knows that the rex slaying goblin is worth the 16 goblin war1s that take twelve rounds to drop the rex while losing twelve goblins.

That's a big fuckin fancy hat. A goblin could comfortably lay down inside a T-Rex skull (but not for very long if Rex is still alive). I bet instead he takes a tooth as a dagger.

That's the point, the bigger the hat the greater your status.

[shadzar]

That's the point, the bigger the hat the greater your status.

So everyone is a pirate now? which "goblin" is Commodore Barbosa?

[Prak]

Clearly the one with the biggest hat.

[ishy]

Because it's D&D, and the really powerful stuff tends to be really big, and powerful mortals are just an exception. A tyrannosaurus will usually be a big enough threat that you could invoke cthulhu "1d6 investigators" rules against goblins that fight one, and it will seriously take a platoon of goblins to kill one, but a single goblin with enough levels can take it down on its own. Then to show how powerful it is, the goblin turns its head into a fancy hat so that every goblin knows that the rex slaying goblin is worth the 16 goblin war1s that take twelve rounds to drop the rex while losing twelve goblins.

You're assuming that everyone knows about and adhere to the standard MM entries.
If you have a society of goblins that use hats to denote their power, it sounds like almost nobody in that society is in fact a default goblin.
And since this is D&D there is no reason to assume the T-Rex was the default MM entry either, maybe it was hurt or a vampire T-Rex or a T-rex with class levels etc/

In fact, what happens when goblin A kills a T-Rex and wears a T-Rex hat, and then goblin B kills goblin A. Does goblin B wear the T-Rex hat, or a goblin hat (since the goblin was more powerful than the T-Rex)?

Not to mention there are plenty of monsters in the MM which are smaller yet have a higher CR than some of the bigger creatures.