‘But we can drop them any time we like?’
‘As long as we drop them for everybody. That’s the “most favoured nation” rule – which really ought to be called the “no favoured nation” rule, but never mind. Where I was going with that was what about areas we’d like to protect but that aren’t currently covered by the EU rules? Those are cases where we’d like to raise tariffs. On certain vegetables, say.’
‘We might need to do that to placate the farmers when they learn they aren’t going to be getting EU subsidies any more.’
‘Ah, but see, we can’t. Raising tariffs is not nearly so simple as lowering them. If you raise tariffs on, I don’t know, artichokes, then under WTO rules you have to lower them for something else.’
‘Fine, we’ll lower them for oranges.’
‘A good solution, with only one drawback. Any of the hundred and sixty WTO members might raise an objection. Now repeat that for every single product we might want to protect. It’ll keep Barkwell’s department working weekends into the middle of the century.’
‘Perhaps he should have been careful what he wished for. Well, thanks, Alan. If I haven’t got my head around this yet then I’m never going to.’
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‘I don’t like it. Politics is not a game.’
There’s no answer, of course. It’s not that kind of conversation. But you sense an amused and gently chiding smile turned upon you from the unseen reaches of the infinite.
‘Also I made a promise. No general election before 2020.’
Still silence. You press your knuckles to your forehead and think.
‘I suppose I could make an appeal to unity, say that Parliament needs to come together behind Brexit the way the country is. It’s not true, but repeat it often enough and with absolute conviction and people will believe it. Well, You don’t need me to tell You about that, Lord.’
Enough of this. God’s in His Heaven but you have a country to run.
(Assuming continuing to seek spiritual guidance)
Calling a general election is a big gamble. There are so many snares and pitfalls, it makes you feel like Christian in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. But you know you can trust God to give you wise counsel. He may have misled your predecessor about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction, but you know He wouldn’t try that with you.
‘What about Scotland? We’ll win no votes there.’
‘At least I can forget about Labour.’
‘The Liberal Democrats might be a force to reckon with. They’re campaigning hard for Remain.’