Secession Talk...

Crissa · Post by **Crissa** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 6:42 pm

So Fox News hosts are supporting talk of secession now and Gov Perry of Texas is openly suggesting it, calling the federal government 'oppressive'.

Of course, they have no idea what 'oppressive' means... They're not the ones charged 6% of their gross income because the feds won't recognize your legal relationship, or are one of the many people left without a US passport or locked in INS detention without legal representation.

-Crissa

angelfromanotherpin · Post by **angelfromanotherpin** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 7:32 pm

The arguments of the Republican party and the network that airs their propaganda are pulled out of the clear blue sky, are based on nothing, and there is no reason to listen to them, except to glean truth by assuming they are saying the opposite of reality.

Seriously:
• They call a spending increase 'a massive cut.'
• They call universal opposition 'wholehearted support.'
• They call a regressive tax 'a progressive tax.'

Crissa · Post by **Crissa** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:05 pm

Oh, this poor reporter, trying to get a straight answer out of people out protesting today. "Because he's a fascist!"

-Crissa

Lago PARANOIA · Post by **Lago PARANOIA** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:26 pm

You know, we must never let the South secede, no matter what. Because they have fucking nuclear weapons.

cthulhu · Post by **cthulhu** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:53 pm

I think it would actually be good for the US overall if the country split up. The south/north thing doesn't work, as the SW and NE really have the most incommon, but you could jettison all these poor rural areas full of religious crazies, allowing the NE to implement a social liberal set of policies with strong economic support.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:20 pm

The wingnuts are fucking asshat douches of the nth degree. Our satirical prodding of them to go secede or even serious discussions of splitting the country like a pie is a fucking act of douchitude of the same degree as well.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:29 pm

A_Cynic wrote:The wingnuts are fucking asshat douches of the nth degree. Our satirical prodding of them to go secede or even serious discussions of splitting the country like a pie is a fucking act of douchitude of the same degree as well.

Agreed. I know what the extremists around here are like. They might take it as encouragement.

That said, not all of the southeast is populated by rural religious nuts who spend Saturday nights wearing bedsheets and burning crosses.

cthulhu · Post by **cthulhu** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:36 pm

Oh no, but that doesn't mean the NE doesn't have any of them either.

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 12:22 am

Lago PARANOIA wrote:You know, we must never let the South secede, no matter what. Because they have fucking nuclear weapons.

Sarcasm? The nukes are in ND and CO...

Lago PARANOIA · Post by **Lago PARANOIA** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 12:53 am

Sarcasm? The nukes are in ND and CO...

SSBNs, a.k.a the submarines that launch nukes at your ass.

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 1:18 am

But aren't those mobile by definition?

Grek · Post by **Grek** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 2:25 am

Yes. But if the south leaves, who gets the army?

violence in the media · Thu Apr 16, 2009 2:39 am

The South gets the Marines, not the Army.

angelfromanotherpin · Post by **angelfromanotherpin** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 2:51 am

Secessionists get nothing. It's the United States Army, and the United States Marine Corps, which are both run by the United States Defense Department. Anyone who belongs to one of those organizations and who wants to leave them and go work for the People's Democratic Republic of Jesusland Armed Forces can do so as soon as their current oaths allow.

Let's be clear: if the South wanted to leave the U.S., I'd be happy to let them go; but that is not a divorce where they get half the stuff, access to the kids, and alimony. That's finally getting the mooch off the couch, who we only let stay because of sentimental attachment, and whose late night keggers have been annoying us for years.

Absentminded_Wizard · Post by **Absentminded_Wizard** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:39 am

My personal favorite part of this was how the conservative talking heads tried so hard to paint the "tea parties" as nonpartisan. So, your slogans promoting these events were all basically "Stick it to Obama" (though their actual wording made it sound like they wanted to perform a sex act on Obama), but you're not partisan? Right.

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:50 am

Texas isn't that much of a mooch, and Houston and Austin are fairly liberal. They would also get to keep one of our two shuttle launch sites. If Florida went too, our spacemen would be even more fucked. It would be as though secessionist states from the USSR managed to strongarm the Russian space program.

And most importantly, IIRC, our beloved fence builder lives in Texas.

[Edit] As for teabaggers... Yeah. If you haven't seen Rachel Maddow talking about "teabagging Obama", you should.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/akdobbins/rache ... ea-bagging

[/Edit]

Neeeek · Post by **Neeeek** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 6:42 am

The secessionists I've always found the most insane are the Alaskan ones.

Are they under the impression they'd last a week without the protection of the rest of the US?

That said, the teabaggers are a bunch of lunatic hypocrites. Who can't even figure out what they are protesting, nor provide a solution to their issues.

YOU LOST. GET OVER IT.

Seriously, the Dem response to Gore losing was much less ridiculous than this, and there was plenty of room for arguing Gore won the damn election, whereas Obama won by a huge amount.

Username17 · Post by **Username17** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 7:27 am

Really? Because the Alaskans have a large pile of natural resources. So many of them think that they can maintain their standard of living by selling off their resources and buying goods and services with them. And on paper that looks good. The part they miss is the part where the costs of goods shipped to Alaska are going to go through the roof into crazy town the moment that Alaska becomes a hostile foreign power.

The one that boggles my mind is the Alabama separatists. They... don't... have any resources. Per dollar of federal tax collected in 2005, Alabama citizens received approximately $1.66 in the way of federal spending. If they separate they'll have to reduce their already meager services or substantially increase the tax rate. And that's before considering their severe economic problems brought on by being completely surrounded by a hostile government and no longer in the middle of a free trade zone.

-Username17

Lago PARANOIA · Post by **Lago PARANOIA** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 7:55 am

CatharzGodfoot wrote:But aren't those mobile by definition?

Yes, but I don't think the US government would be crazy enough to risk having one of their submarines defect and head over to secessionist territory. Mind, right now all of the SSBN ports, including drydocks, are in Blue states (if you want to call Virginia that) but that's just too big of a risk to inflict on the world at large.

But anyway, it wouldn't go over good for anyone. Even if the split was amicable, which it wouldn't be, the South would quickly descend into a third-world hellhole. Now imagine all of those poor people who didn't want to go through with this insane plan stuck there. It'd be a friggin' mess.

Neeeek · Post by **Neeeek** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:05 am

FrankTrollman wrote:Really? Because the Alaskans have a large pile of natural resources. So many of them think that they can maintain their standard of living by selling off their resources and buying goods and services with them. And on paper that looks good. The part they miss is the part where the costs of goods shipped to Alaska are going to go through the roof into crazy town the moment that Alaska becomes a hostile foreign power.

Actually, I was assuming a hostile foreign power would just invade, take their stuff, and not give a flying fuck about what the Alaskans think they might do with the resources. Alaska is safe because attacking it means attacking the entire country. If that stops being the case, Alaska has no way to protect themselves.

Neeeek · Post by **Neeeek** » Thu Apr 16, 2009 8:13 am

Lago PARANOIA wrote:. Now imagine all of those poor people who didn't want to go through with this insane plan stuck there. It'd be a friggin' mess.

I'm pretty sure they'd be allowed to move to the non-hell hole area we like to call "the part of the US that is not the Deep South".

Count Arioch the 28th · Thu Apr 16, 2009 2:53 pm

I hope they don't secede before I'm done with college, because I don't think they would let me leave, and I don't think I would be able to find a job when I'm not the most stable person by default.

Ganbare Gincun · Post by **Ganbare Gincun** » Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:38 am

Neeeek wrote:Actually, I was assuming a hostile foreign power would just invade, take their stuff, and not give a flying fuck about what the Alaskans think they might do with the resources.

Seeing as how Palin can see Russia from her house and all, this is practically a given.

Orion · Post by **Orion** » Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:50 am

Dudes, 44% of Texas voters went for Obama. The refugees could be as much as 5% of the US POPULATION. Good luck finding places to put them.

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Fri Apr 17, 2009 1:00 am

Neeeek wrote:
Lago PARANOIA wrote:. Now imagine all of those poor people who didn't want to go through with this insane plan stuck there. It'd be a friggin' mess.
I'm pretty sure they'd be allowed to move to the non-hell hole area we like to call "the part of the US that is not the Deep South".

But only illegally, and they'd be made to work shit jobs. Then all of the "Americans" would bitch about the Southerners, saying "Dey took ur jaaaawbs". There would be a lot of back-and-forth about immigration reform, and lots of American citizens with southern accents would be illegally deported or held by the INS.