More Threads that make us Laugh, Cry, or Both

[Voss]

I can't get over that tail at all. Its roughly as long as she is tall, and an upright posture isn't actually possible. The spine would almost be an L shape, almost down to the right angle. Bipedal balance would be absolutely fucked.

Setting-wise, this is a hard sell (outside of planescape, and that sort of thing). They can't use human furniture and they can't (despite text to the contrary) pass for human at all. Combine that with that default background fluff: the descendants of an evil, devil-tainted (ie, gave up their humanity for power) empire that has since collapsed. There's absolutely no reason that other races wouldn't actively set them on fire. Dragonborn particularly, since they apparently destroyed each other's civilizations in some sort of MAD scenario. Now the remnants of both races wandering the world like vagabonds (or armed mercenary companies, in the case of Dragonborn). Given human nature and the default portrayal of elves and dwarves, the likely options are- chase away, kill or use them as fodder in their own conflicts. An open door, 'hey neighbor' policy is laughable, especially given the conceits of the Points of Light setting- everybody (except adventurers) stays in their threatened communities, and the lands between are dark and dangerous. These are the sort of people that give the monsters a chance to prove themselves friendly.

So, its weird. They've introduced races that are physically funky and don't actually fit well into their default setting. Or the existing settings, really.

[Koumei]

1199414617[/unixtime]]Given human nature and the default portrayal of elves and dwarves, the likely options are- chase away, kill or use them as fodder in their own conflicts. An open door, 'hey neighbor' policy is laughable,

This is why the Tieflings have sultry bad Eastern-European accents and Dragonborn have breasts: survival mechanisms. Increase the chances that some humans will want to sex you up, and you increase your own chances of survival.

[cthulhu]

Maybe most tieflings don;t have bizarro land reptile tails and have more rats tails?

more like

Annah from planescape torment (who is awesome by the by)

[Voss]

Unfortunately, the art is pretty consistent- ginormous is the order of the day. However, it must be admitted that the text and the last batch of the crappy D&D miniatures isn't. Much smaller tails and horns (which could actually be hidden under a cloak), but still the brick/blood red skin.

[cthulhu]

Lametastic.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

1199421697[/unixtime]]

1199414617[/unixtime]]Given human nature and the default portrayal of elves and dwarves, the likely options are- chase away, kill or use them as fodder in their own conflicts. An open door, 'hey neighbor' policy is laughable,

This is why the Tieflings have sultry bad Eastern-European accents and Dragonborn have breasts: survival mechanisms. Increase the chances that some humans will want to sex you up, and you increase your own chances of survival.

Hey, I'd probably sex both of them. At once. The system works!

[Voss]

Yeah, but you aren't a D&D peasant, staring at a tiefling or dragonborn, pissing himself and wondering if he isn't going to get his soul stolen or if he's just going to get fucking eaten.

All he has to hope for is that some group of adventurers come through a kill the monster. Or its weak enough that all his friends working together can kill it without too many of them dying.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

1199425053[/unixtime]]Yeah, but you aren't a D&D peasant, staring at a tiefling or dragonborn, pissing himself and wondering if he isn't going to get his soul stolen or if he's just going to get fucking eaten.

All he has to hope for is that some group of adventurers come through a kill the monster. Or its weak enough that all his friends working together can kill it without too many of them dying.

Ah, it must be from my differing perspective. According to the D&D test that floats around from time to time, I'm actually a dwarf paladin. With 19 charisma somehow.

[Crissa]

Being as horses , rats , and lizards all have tails that don't have ridges or features that are on their upper backs: I don't think that's a real issue.

Still, a spine that turns or is limp? That's aesthetic to a human, apparently, looking at art in history.

-Crissa

[JonSetanta]

1199425053[/unixtime]]
All he has to hope for is that some group of adventurers come through a kill the monster. Or its weak enough that all his friends working together can kill it without too many of them dying.

Kill? Fight?
No no NO my good man, these days we handle 'encounters' and 'challenges' the civilized way.
The Count is just one step ahead of the wave.


[TAFBS]
Image deleted.
[/TAFBS]


http://www.netbook-of-uck.net/

(Granted, the rules should be simpler, but I give them points for the effort)

[Koumei]

*yawn* Been there, done that. The system is fairly awkward and pointless, and the feats are generally "Why would you ever waste feat slots - proper character optimisation resources - on that?"

Which leads to the common house rule of starting with one bonus GUCK feat, then again at levels 6, 12 and 18. So naturally, high-Cha characters take the line of feats that ends in "Bulletproof Beauty". Gain Charisma as an unnamed bonus to AC. If you're naked, add your Charisma as a penalty to the attack rolls against you, if your attacker is sexually compatible with you (their sexual alignment points in your direction. No really, you have sexual alignments).

It's easy to break the RNG with a hammer for your AC, by taking your clothes off.

[Bigode]

Laugh, cry, or both.

[tzor]

Definitely both:

Think about it. They start of with an animal companion. They are strong in the way of nature. They are practically immune to any spells that a spellcaster can form agianst them. I mean they are just all around one of the best classes.

Yes druids are stong because they have an animal companion and those things SMELL TO HIGH HEAVEN! Get a deodorant will you druid? You call it nature I call it stinking animal smell.

[Voss]

Why are they immune to spells?
And ravageness? Luxious?
His attempt to be pretentious has failed.

Unless he's seriously trying to use a descriptive form of the International Standard Unit of Illumination.

[Talisman]

Allow me to translate:

"Druids are teh shit."

There, fixed.

[Surgo]

What the hell? I could see that post being made in 2003, but 2008?

[RandomCasualty]

1199424366[/unixtime]]
Hey, I'd probably sex both of them. At once. The system works!

I honestly couldn't see anyone touching a dragonborn. Breasts or no, they're scaly and probably have really bad breath. Not to mention all those spines and stuff they've got are going to hurt like hell.

The tiefling maybe, if you can get around the freakishly long tail and can avoid getting your eyes poked out by those big horns. I guess you'd be okay.

[tzor]

Well if they keep that Kobold scale oil from the Dragon book then a dragonborn can keep her scales soft and smooth without all that annoying flaking problems. Dragonborn sound like medium sized kobolds if you think about it. Yip, yip, Yaphank!

[Koumei]

Hmm. Medium kobolds. That means you can kick them more before they die.

I APPROVE.

It'd be wrong to use them (as a DM) just as a tribe of overgrown kobolds, for the PCs to slap about, wouldn't it?

As for Tiefling horns: my ex says they'd be wonderful to chew on.

That thing about the druid is really random. I'm not too sure about some of the words they're using - or more correctly, I know they're picking big words that don't mean what they think.

[Voss]

1199491590[/unixtime]]Hmm. Medium kobolds. That means you can kick them more before they die.

I APPROVE.

It'd be wrong to use them (as a DM) just as a tribe of overgrown kobolds, for the PCs to slap about, wouldn't it?

No. Thats pretty much what they are. They're really just trying to give the brute/kobold/dragon/furry fetishists something all at the same time.

As for Tiefling horns: my ex says they'd be wonderful to chew on.

I don't want to know. Its bone. Its hard. It isn't chewy.

[Captain_Bleach]

1199432208[/unixtime]]

1199425053[/unixtime]]
All he has to hope for is that some group of adventurers come through a kill the monster. Or its weak enough that all his friends working together can kill it without too many of them dying.

Kill? Fight?
No no NO my good man, these days we handle 'encounters' and 'challenges' the civilized way.
The Count is just one step ahead of the wave.

http://www.netbook-of-uck.net/

(Granted, the rules should be simpler, but I give them points for the effort)

They made the BDSM Prestige Class "Evil alignment." AARRGH!

It's easy to break the RNG with a hammer for your AC, by taking your clothes off.

Sounds like a really bad fantasy porno waiting to happen.

[JonSetanta]

Dragonborn would make a nice replacement for "marauding orcish hordes" of Gygaxian (or rather, Tolkien era) D&D.
They're inhuman, smell like lizard poop, and you can barely have sex with them (no boobs, ya know? let alone, scaly genitalia)

[Voss]

Except they *did* give them breasts. Despite being specifically egg-laying reptiles.

[Captain_Bleach]

1199499916[/unixtime]]Except they *did* give them breasts. Despite being specifically egg-laying reptiles.

Don't let logic get in the way of dragon fan-boys/girls' sexual fantasies and masturbatory aids!

[Koumei]

Remember: increases survivability of the species. Or alternatively, seeing as dragons made the first ones "because it's Tuesday" or whatever, presumably they grabbed some humans and said "Let's just change the model a bit, rather than building from scratch. Oi, this one has squeezy bits on the front, what's that for? Better transfer it across, might be useful."

Anyway, if I was to actually use Dragonborn, then yes, i would just make them into big kobolds to be kicked around by the PCs for fun and profit. But mostly fun.

Or as "Play a lizardman right out the door, no level adjustment or racial hit dice bullshit." Or I'd make my own variant for that. Seriously. It's not even that hard.

And Voss: She just likes chewing - ears, hair and the like. Nothing kinky. Just an affection thing. You could even say the horns are made of the same stuff as fingernails (so basically, hair), which would make them a little bit more chewy.