Perhaps easier said than done. Fungale follows up by announcing his intention to stand as a Parliamentary candidate if the Conservatives will have him. He’s picked a clapped-out East Anglian seaside town where the current incumbent is a forlorn hope of the Remain wing of the party.
The local constituency are fawning over Fungale already. They think they have a superstar offering to represent them, so it’s not going to be easy to block his membership.
What kind of sway do you have in the party these days?
Check your Brexit Memo Pad. If your Authority is 86% or more...
Otherwise...
Have you got the keyword PEDAL? Yes...
No...
Your backbenchers make it clear in no uncertain terms that they are not going to let you blackball Fungale.
‘We need him,’ says Sir Harvey Doggerbank, chairman of the 1922 Committee. ‘All of this is happening because of him. He’s the architect of Brexit, and his flavour of politics is what a lot of people want.’
‘Oh, I know what you’re driving at. Honest bloke, likes a pint, always guffawing away like the kind of unrepentant rapscallion who knows he’ll get a pass from an indulgent granny. Not a remote, middle-aged, over-educated career dinosaur like me, eh? I suppose you’d like to hand him the keys to Number 10 while you’re at it?’
You mean it as a bitter joke, but what’s most disturbing is the look of wild surmise that flashes across Doggerbank’s face. You’ve given him an idea. Mark the keyword NYLON, then...
Only six months now remain of the two-year countdown to Brexit that began when you invoked Article 50.
►666 and highlight one of the boxes there before doing anything else.
666
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This is different from any other section in the book. Do not highlight one of the boxes above unless you were specifically told to do so in the section you’ve just turned from.
If none of the boxes is highlighted...
If one box is highlighted...
If two boxes are highlighted...
If all three boxes are highlighted...
By the way, if you need a rest from running the country – well, it’s a stressful job and nobody could blame you. This is a good place to take a break. Just be sure to bookmark this section so you can find your place later.
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If the box above was already highlighted, immediately...
400
(A lot of checking for codewords that I've not pasted the text for)
‘He’s only gone and done it,’ says your chief of staff, flinging down the paper in disgust.
‘SHEEP WATCH OUT! FUNGALE BACK IN THE FOLD,’ reads the headline. So he made it. Colin Fungale will be taking his seat as a Conservative MP.
‘I only hope his attendance record in the Commons is better than it was in the European Parliament.’
You may try to make light of it, but this feels like storm clouds gathering.
To be briefed on the issues you’re facing...
Who has time for briefings? When the going gets tough, the tough get going!
(Looking at the briefings, there is some stuff we've been over, but also some new stuff there)
(Also, going back and forth ticking boxes gets confusing, took me a while to spot I'd forgotten one)