Pathfinder writers have strange sexual fetishes.

K · Post by K » Mon May 23, 2011 8:55 am

Silent Wayfarer wrote:
K wrote:Are you new? Reading any of the adventure paths will tell you that.

I mean, there is literally one adventure where you are expected to use demon's dildos as material components.
Okay, this is too weird for me to take on faith.

Where is this from?

Rise of the Runelords #5: Sins of the Saviors.

To escape the extraplanar dimension you need to craft a Dominant weapon in the magic pool. This requires a "bejeweled dominatrix toy" which is "used in [the succubus's] frequent debauches" which the rest of the story explains is sex with her daughters and/or some stone giants (or just herself).

It's pretty fucked up.

Of course, maybe it's not a dildo and is a ball gag or something, but considering the limits of "bedazzling" sex toys and the fact that they have lasted several hundred years of use I think my money is on at least one dildo in the collection.

This is the same adventure where the alu-fiends have a PrC called "Submissive" and the succubus has a "Dominant" PrC.

Silent Wayfarer · Post by **Silent Wayfarer** » Mon May 23, 2011 9:03 am

Ggh. Granted I am quite a pervert and would chuckle at the prurient value of such materials, but... seriously? They want to be taken seriously and they put crap like this in a product?

Man.

hogarth · Post by **hogarth** » Mon May 23, 2011 2:48 pm

Silent Wayfarer wrote:Ggh. Granted I am quite a pervert and would chuckle at the prurient value of such materials, but... seriously? They want to be taken seriously and they put crap like this in a product?

Man.

There's a certain quota of lame "THIS AIN'T YOUR MAMA'S D&D!!" exxxtreem material in Paizo's adventures.

tzor · Post by **tzor** » Mon May 23, 2011 4:30 pm

hogarth wrote:There's a certain quota of lame "THIS AIN'T YOUR MAMA'S D&D!!" exxxtreem material in Paizo's adventures.

Considering Dave Hargrave's iconic character Shardra the Caastrator is from the very core of the D&D days (1978) I can only say in amused bewilderment ... what took them so long?

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Mon May 23, 2011 4:44 pm

The succubus is already perhaps the most awkward of encounters. And now, the finishing touch... adding +7 Bejeweled Dildo 1d4+1 to their attack line.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Mon May 23, 2011 4:57 pm

DSMatticus wrote:The succubus is already perhaps the most awkward of encounters. And now, the finishing touch... adding +7 Bejeweled Dildo 1d4+1 to their attack line.

You'd think a an actual succubus' toys would be junk like +5 Shocking Dildo of Speed.

If she's a succubus queen, it should be a +10 Shocking Burst Dancing Dildo of Speed.

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Mon May 23, 2011 5:01 pm

+8, +9 dildoes on a CR 7 creature? Are you mad? There's no way that would ever be in line with the expected dildoes by level chart.

MGuy · Post by **MGuy** » Mon May 23, 2011 5:13 pm

I love this forum.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Mon May 23, 2011 5:15 pm

DSMatticus wrote:+8, +9 dildoes on a CR 7 creature? Are you mad? There's no way that would ever be in line with the expected dildoes by level chart.

Sex toys are signs of great wealth to Succubi. That's why a Succubus Queen has such rockin' toys. Going through one's bedroom and finding the aforesaid Shocking Burst Animated Dildo of Speed is basically realizing you are in the presence of royalty. You should by rights be in awe, and kneel when you enter her presence.

Succubi are allowed to break the WBL for their sex toys. They fund this because they're fucking immortal and even if they charge just one GP a blowjob and do one a week, that won't take long at all for them.

And believe me, they do a lot more than one a week.

Josh_Kablack · Post by **Josh_Kablack** » Mon May 23, 2011 6:10 pm

K wrote:Hey guys, furries are still considered weird. Your personal weird threshold may have been eroded by time on the internet, but even the vast majority of DnD players consider fuckable animals a bizarre thing.

By the standards of "normal" vs "weird" yeah, sure.

By the standards of sexual fetishes, ( which are objects or behaviours which an individual sexualizes but society as a whole does not ) it's generally considered harmless and has a bunch of exposure, which puts it on par with S&M or Podophilia. People are going to consider it a fetish, and outside of their own experience and understanding, but they are not going to have to go look it up and they are not going to suggest psychiatric treatment at the mere mention of it.

Of course, my perspective may have something to do with my City's tourism board. Seriously, they made accomodations for the furries, after they had told the gamers, "fuck you, Colombus can have Origins"

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Mon May 23, 2011 6:49 pm

Maxus, but a +5 shocking speed dildo might actually be good enough that the level 7 party barbarian would put down his great axe and start hitting people with that instead. And an angry man charging at you with a dildo overhead is not something any of us want to see in our D&D games.

And let's not even talk about what happens if the party rogue gets it. Do you really want every encounter to start with the words, "I sneak up on it with my dildo"?

We are insane.

Count Arioch the 28th · Mon May 23, 2011 6:56 pm

I've dated several women whose sex toys probably counted as martial weapons. I always wondered why they didn't go into porn, because if they could use toys like that then they probably could have paid some bills that way...

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Mon May 23, 2011 7:21 pm

DSMatticus wrote:Maxus, but a +5 shocking speed dildo might actually be good enough that the level 7 party barbarian would put down his great axe and start hitting people with that instead.

We are insane.

Well, duh. Taking a succubus' toys is, like, total victory over her. She is beaten, out-maneuvered, her status has been broken, and she knows it. It's like bankrupting a guy, putting up embarrassing pictures of him trying to wear a garter belt and nothing else, and then revealing you've been screwing his mom.

But for the weapon potential? Well, why not go Dildo of Throwing and Returning. A boomerwang*, in other words.

*Thanks to Koumei for introducing me to the piece of media which contains the Boomerwang. She knows what I mean, likely.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Mon May 23, 2011 7:25 pm

hogarth wrote:
K wrote:Hey guys, furries are still considered weird. Your personal weird threshold may have been eroded by time on the internet, but even the vast majority of DnD players consider fuckable animals a bizarre thing.
Also, not every anthropomorphic animal is created for the benefit of furries. Although Paddington Bear is pretty good whack-off material, I have to admit.

...I really don't want to know...

I'm pretty sure it was both my exes, once I'd shown them the Book of Erotic Fantasy and Guide to Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, wanted to make phallic* intelligent wands of fireball...

*shaped like a dildo, recharges from being used as such.

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Mon May 23, 2011 7:48 pm

Fireball? They should get those wands checked out - I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to burn when you ejacu-err, activate.

Might web be more appropriate?

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Mon May 23, 2011 7:53 pm

DSMatticus wrote:Fireball? They should get those wands checked out - I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to burn when you ejacu-err, activate.

Might web be more appropriate?

Yes but then they can't get as much fun-time sadistic rape from recharging using enemies...

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Mon May 23, 2011 8:33 pm

Maxus: "What is the Drider from Wulfhammer?"

Now, I'll take "Obscure RPG Jokes" for 4 thousand.

Meikle641 · Post by **Meikle641** » Mon May 23, 2011 8:46 pm

DSMatticus wrote:Maxus, but a +5 shocking speed dildo might actually be good enough that the level 7 party barbarian would put down his great axe and start hitting people with that instead. And an angry man charging at you with a dildo overhead is not something any of us want to see in our D&D games.

And let's not even talk about what happens if the party rogue gets it. Do you really want every encounter to start with the words, "I sneak up on it with my dildo"?

We are insane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tklf39vDJGc <-- Highly related.

PoliteNewb · Post by **PoliteNewb** » Mon May 23, 2011 10:16 pm

DSMatticus wrote:And an angry man charging at you with a dildo overhead is not something any of us want to see in our D&D games.

Speak for yourself. I think putting Hatchet Harry into a D&D game would be awesome. Not to mention guys like Barry the Baptist and Bricktop.

Don Strudel · Post by **Don Strudel** » Tue May 24, 2011 9:18 pm

That's boring.

THIS is weird: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Horrible/Fanfic (NSFW)

JigokuBosatsu · Post by **JigokuBosatsu** » Thu May 26, 2011 2:14 pm

Glad you picked up on that, Newb. Hatchet Harry was my first thought too.

And in case anyone hasn't seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDKiQfBs9lo (f-bombs probably make it not worksafe.

Psychic Robot · Post by **Psychic Robot** » Thu May 26, 2011 6:07 pm

Unnatural Lust
School enchantment (compulsion) [emotion, mind-affecting];
Level bard 1, sorcerer/wizard 2, witch 2
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target one creature
Duration 1 round
Saving Throw Will negates; Spell Resistance yes

Your target is filled with lust and desire for a single creature
or object as designated by you at the time of casting. That
creature or object must be within the spell’s range and
perceivable by the target of the spell. The target is filled
with the compulsion to rush to the subject of its lust and
passionately kiss or caress that subject on its next turn,
taking no other actions. If the target would not normally have
lustful feelings toward the designated creature or object, it
receives a +4 bonus on its saving throw.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Thu May 26, 2011 7:53 pm

Psychic Robot wrote:
Unnatural Lust
School enchantment (compulsion) [emotion, mind-affecting];
Level bard 1, sorcerer/wizard 2, witch 2
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target one creature
Duration 1 round
Saving Throw Will negates; Spell Resistance yes

Your target is filled with lust and desire for a single creature
or object as designated by you at the time of casting. That
creature or object must be within the spell’s range and
perceivable by the target of the spell. The target is filled
with the compulsion to rush to the subject of its lust and
passionately kiss or caress that subject on its next turn,
taking no other actions. If the target would not normally have
lustful feelings toward the designated creature or object, it
receives a +4 bonus on its saving throw.

It's just a specially flavoured hold person type of spell....

hogarth · Post by **hogarth** » Thu May 26, 2011 8:02 pm

Prak_Anima wrote: It's just a specially flavoured hold person type of spell....

Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Humping.

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Thu May 26, 2011 8:02 pm

The duration's only one round. I think the most appropriate use for it as a party prank, leaving your befuddled victim to try and explain to their peers why they just started making out with the help in the middle of the dining hall.