Let's Play Fighting Fantasy #1: Warlock of Firetop Mountain

[Darth Rabbitt]

(OK, so one vote for attacking the chieftain and his servant, and one for attacking just the chieftain. I'll break the tie by saying we attack the chieftain but beat the shit out of the servant if he gives us lip.)

As you spring at the Chieftain, his servant rises to his feet, picks up a hefty wooden stick and joins the melee. But to your disappointment he attacks you! Ungrateful wretch! Seeing this, you may Escape through the door down the corridor, or continue the fight. If you choose to Escape, you suffer normal escaping penalties.

(Fuck that shit, we'll probably take less damage if we stay and fight; unlike the servant, Henderson's no coward.)

The battle commences!

ORC CHIEFTAIN SKILL 7 STAMINA 6
SERVANT SKILL 5 STAMINA 3

Fight them one at a time.

Combat Log:

Chieftain 11, Henderson 18. Chieftain is at 4.
Chieftain 16, Henderson 23. Chieftain is at 2.
Chieftain 16, Henderson 14. (Since LUCK is so easy to come by in this book and our STAMINA sucks, I'm going to Test our Luck here.) Luck test: 10, Lucky. Henderson is at 15.
Chieftain 18, Henderson 22. Chieftain is dead.
Servant 11, Henderson 21. Servant is at 1.
Servant 16, Henderson 20. Servant is dead.

The green blood of the dead Orcs smells foul as it seeps from their bodies. You step around the corpses and investigate the chest. It is a sturdy affair, made of strong oak and iron, and it is firmly locked. You may try to smash the lock with your sword or leave it alone and go through the open door.

(I just know you guys are going to vote to loot this.)

The lock was obviously inadequate; it flies off and lands on the floor several meters away. You lift up the heavy lid and your eyes widen as you see the gold sheen coming from within. A fair number of Gold Pieces are inside. In one corner lies a small black bottle with a tight glass stopper, containing a liquid of some kind. Also in the chest is a silky black glove. But as you are admiring this treasure you hear a soft click and wince in pain as a small dart shoots forward into your stomach. Roll one die and subtract this number of points from your STAMINA to determine the effect of the poison on the dart tip. (3 damage.)

You sink to the floor. You pull the dart out and decide to bandage the wound. This gives some relief, but you still feel weak. You decide to take it easy and examine the contents of the chest, but if you wish you may eat some Provisions here. There are 25 Gold Pieces and the label on the bottle shows it to be a Potion of Invisibility, good for one dose. The glove is a mystery. You may put any or all of these into your haversack and leave the room.

(I assume we eat a meal, since we only can do so when prompted to in this book, and we have lost exactly 4 STAMINA so far. I also assume we take all of these items, since we're given no reason not to.)

You arrive back at the junction in the passage and walk straight on eastwards.

You arrive at another junction in the passage. You may either go northwards or continue eastwards.

Old Man Henderson Jr.
SKILL 11/11
STAMINA 16/16
LUCK 9/10
Equipment: Sword, Shield, Leather Armor
Provisions: 9 (+4 STAMINA each)
Potions: Potion of Skill (restores SKILL to Initial value, 2/2 uses left), Potion of Invisibility (1 use)
Gold Pieces: 26
Keys: Bronze Key #99
Items: Silky Black Glove

(Just tell me if I'm making too many assumptions on your part, dear readers; I don't want to make this any more railroading than it already is, but am also trying to make sure that this doesn't drag on like Space Assassin's dull bits.)

[Omegonthesane]

MORE uninformed choices! Yay!

East.

[Chamomile]

I notice there are basically two choices in this book: The ones so straightforwardly obvious the book is clearly padding pages to ask us at all and the ones that require you to guess at random which choice is correct. I second going east.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(Yep.)

The passage ends at a solid wooden door with metal hinges. Listening at the door, you hear strange mutterings and the clatter of what could be pots and pans. Whatever is in there, there are several of them. Do you want to go through the door or turn back?

[Omegonthesane]

Oo! Pans! Let's get looting!

[Darth Rabbitt]

You open the door into a large room which can only be the dining room of the same warty-faced creatures you now recognize. Sitting around a large table are five ORCS busily drinking and dribbling their bowls of rat-gizzard soup. All are involved in a rowdy argument as to who will get to chew the rat bones left in the large soup cauldron, so they do not see you enter. You may be bold and prepare to attack them or you may not relish the prospect of taking on five of these creatures and try to escape.

[Omegonthesane]

Presumably we're not allowed to shout at them to get their attention and then retreat three paces into the corridor to avoid a gangbang - though admittedly I could believe the corridors being wide enough for a threesome.

Nonetheless, no true murdering hobo would flee from combat!

[Starmaker]

The chieftain was skill 7. Those should be either epic wusses or an instadeath.
I'm mildly in favor of attacking.

[Chamomile]

Rats have gizzards? I didn't know rats have gizzards. We must kill the orcs in order to investigate this curious phenomenon.

[Darth Rabbitt]

The Orcs attack you one at a time.

First ORC SKILL 6 STAMINA 4
Second ORC SKILL 5 STAMINA 3
Third ORC SKILL 6 STAMINA 4
Fourth ORC SKILL 5 STAMINA 2
Fifth ORC SKILL 4 STAMINA 4

Combat Log:

Orc A 17, Henderson 17. Tie.
Orc A 15, Henderson 20. Orc A is at 2.
Orc A 9, Henderson 17. Orc A is dead.
Orc B 11, Henderson 23. Orc B is at 1.
Orc B 12, Henderson 17. Orc B is dead.
Orc C 10, Henderson 17. Orc C is at 2.
Orc C 14, Henderson 20. Orc C is dead.
Orc D 15, Henderson 20. Orc D is dead.
Orc E 8, Henderson 20. Orc E is at 2.
Orc E 15, Henderson 16. Orc E is dead.

You search the bodies of the dead Orcs but find only a few teeth, nails, bones and knives in their pockets. You search the cupboards around the room but find only crude bowls, plates and spoons. But under the serving hatch you find a thin leather case half a meter long. You may open the case or you may leave it behind and walk out of the door. You are proud of your victory and may add 1 SKILL and 5 STAMINA points.

[angelfromanotherpin]

Open all the cases!

Also, +1 SKILL and +5 STAMINA for pride? That seems like it might require Luciferian levels of self-esteem. Old Man Henderson, Sr. must have been a very nurturing parent.

[Starmaker]

Open it. I guess, since this is book 1 where high stats are not yet mandatory, the hp are not the reward for the battle, they are meant to offset the probable hueg hp loss. The case is the reward, and the choice is just padding.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(Well, his father did kill Hastur, which tends to make for a proud lineage.)

The case opens easily and inside you find a magnificent bow and one silver arrow. An inscription on the case says: "The giver of sleep to those who never can." You put the bow, arrow and case in your pack and leave the room, but you may eat Provisions first - and add 1 LUCK point.

(No need to eat this time, since we're now gaining STAMINA faster than we can lose it.)

You move swiftly down the passage and arrive back at the junction. Turn northwards this time.

You see a well-used door on the right-hand (east) side of the passageway. With your ear to the keyhole, you listen and hear a man screaming for help from inside. Will you open the door or walk on?

Old Man Henderson Jr.
SKILL 11/11
STAMINA 16/16
LUCK 10/10
Equipment: Sword, Shield, Leather Armor
Provisions: 9 (+4 STAMINA each)
Potions: Potion of Skill (restores SKILL to Initial value, 2/2 uses left), Potion of Invisibility (1 use)
Gold Pieces: 26
Keys: Bronze Key #99
Items: Silky Black Glove, Bow and Silver Arrow

[Omegonthesane]

I actually remember this bit from when I did the book. Once again, let us open the door like a hobo who murders!

[Starmaker]

So far, exploring has paid off. In!

[Darth Rabbitt]

The door is locked. You may try to charge it down by rolling two dice. (4,6=10; the number is less than Henderson's SKILL score.) The door bursts open.

(Oh shit, Alan Moore's attacking us!)

The locked door bursts open and a nauseating stench hits your nostrils. Inside the room the floor is covered with bones, rotting vegetation and slime. A wild-haired old man, clothed in rags, rushes at you screaming. His beard is long and grey, and he is waving an old wooden chair-leg. Is he simply insane as he appears, or has this been some kind of trap? You may either shout at him to try to calm him down or draw your sword and attack.

[Omegonthesane]

We're not going to get XP for this poor sod.

Besides, I recall from the book that it rewards mercy here.

[Darth Rabbitt]

You shout: "You are freed, old man!" at the top of your voice. Instantly his rantings cease. He stops dead in his tracks and sinks to the floor, weeping loudly. As he gradually composes himself, he thanks you many times. You talk with him in the hope of discovering some of the secrets of the mountain and he begins to tell his story. Many years ago he was an adventurer like you in search of the Warlock's treasure. He was captured by the Orcs and thrown into his solitary cell as a sort of pet for the creatures. You ask whether he would like to accompany you into the mountain, but he simply wants to leave and see the world again. You ask him for advice but he says he knows little. He advises you to pay your respects to the boatman. He tells you that you must pull the right-hand lever on the wall ahead to open the iron gate at the end of the passage. He has also learned that the keys to the Boat House are guarded by a man and his dog. You shake hands, leave the room and go your separate ways. Add 1 LUCK.

Further up the passage you see a door in the east wall. You listen hard, but can hear no sound. Do you want to open the door to investigate, or do you want to walk further up the passage?

[Chamomile]

Open door, kill inhabitants, take loot.

EDIT: Oh, wait, I should clarify: Only kill the inhabitants if they're green. If they're white, we attempt to negotiate.

[Darth Rabbitt]

The door is firmly locked. You may try to force it open or you may continue along the corridor.

(I assume we try to force it.)

You charge the door, hitting it squarely with your shoulder. Roll 2 dice. (1,5=6; the total is less than Henderson's SKILL score.) The door opens.

The door splits along its length and you can wrench the timbers apart to let yourself in. A torch hangs from one wall lighting up a small armory room stocked with swords, shields, helmets, daggers, breastplates and the like. You examine the weaponry and find nothing appearing superior to your own sword. However, a circular iron shield with a golden crescent at its center catches your eye. You pick it up and feel its weight on your arm. If you wish to take this shield it will aid you in battles by helping to fend off wound damage inflicted by a creature on you. If, in future during a battle in which you are using this shield, a creature wounds you, you may throw one die. If you throw a 6, the creature inflicts only 1 point of damage instead of the normal 2. If, for some reason, the creature would normally only inflict 1 point of damage, then a successful roll of 6 would mean that no damage is done. However, the shield is heavy and you will have to leave behind one item in your backpack to be able to carry it.
You now leave the room and continue up the corridor.

(I think our choice is rather obvious: we drop our old shield. Inventory management in this book is bizarre.)

On the east wall of the passage you see another door, this time made of solid metal. Listening at the door you hear the sound of tortured screams coming from within. Do you wish to try opening the door or do you decide to ignore this room and continue up the corridor?

Old Man Henderson Jr.
SKILL 11/11
STAMINA 16/16
LUCK 10/10
Equipment: Sword, Leather Armor, Crescent Shield (when hit, roll a d6; on a 6 reduce damage by 1)
Provisions: 9 (+4 STAMINA each)
Potions: Potion of Skill (restores SKILL to Initial value, 2/2 uses left), Potion of Invisibility (1 use)
Gold Pieces: 26
Keys: Bronze Key #99
Items: Silky Black Glove, Bow and Silver Arrow

[Chamomile]

Force the door, kill the greenies and save the white person who is no doubt imprisoned inside!

[Darth Rabbitt]

The door is not locked and opens. The room in front of you seems to be a small torture chamber, with various torture devices around the walls. In the center of the room, two small, hunchbacked creatures are having their fiendish way with a Dwarf, who is tied to a hook in the ceiling by his wrists. The two hunchbacks are poking and cutting him viciously with their swords. The Dwarf lets out a final scream and falls silent, eyes closed. His captors make disappointed noises and look round angrily at you as if it were your fault that the Dwarf has collapsed. You must act quickly. Will you:

Close the door quickly and continue up the corridor?
Draw your sword and try to fight the creatures?
Stride over to the Dwarf, give him a jab with your sword and put on an evil laugh for the torturers?

[Omegonthesane]

Henderson is a murdering hobo, not a sadist.

[Darth Rabbitt]

These two evil creatures are GOBLINS. They attack you one at a time.

First GOBLIN SKILL 5 STAMINA 5
Second GOBLIN SKILL 5 STAMINA 6

Combat Log:

Goblin A 17, Henderson 13. Roll to block: 5, failed. Henderson is at 14.
Goblin A 9, Henderson 17. Goblin A is at 3.
Goblin A 12, Henderson 15. Goblin A is at 1.
Goblin A 15, Henderson 19. Goblin A is dead.
Goblin B 8, Henderson 15. Goblin B is at 4.
Goblin B 11, Henderson 15. Goblin B is at 2.
Goblin B 15, Henderson 17. Goblin B is dead.

(I will point out that while we were wounded, it was because Henderson rolled snake eyes while the First GOBLIN rolled a natural 12.)

You cut down the Dwarf. He is, as you guessed, dead. Going through the pockets of the two Goblins, you find a large piece of sweet-smelling Cheese. If you wish to take this with you, put it in your pack and leave the room northwards.

(I see no reason not to take it.)

You arrive at the end of the passage, where it meets another going east-west. But an iron portcullis blocks your way and no amount of charging is going to budge it. On the wall to your right are two levers and it seems likely that these levers have something to do with raising the portcullis. Do you wish to pull the right lever or the left lever?

Old Man Henderson Jr.
SKILL 11/11
STAMINA 14/16
LUCK 10/10
Equipment: Sword, Leather Armor, Crescent Shield (when hit, roll a d6; on a 6 reduce damage by 1)
Provisions: 9 (+4 STAMINA each)
Potions: Potion of Skill (restores SKILL to Initial value, 2/2 uses left), Potion of Invisibility (1 use)
Gold Pieces: 26
Keys: Bronze Key #99
Items: Silky Black Glove, Bow and Silver Arrow, Cheese

[Omegonthesane]

The tortured madman said pull the right, so let us proceed in a manner consistent with not believing that the book uses reverse psychology and pull the right.