The Gaming Den

Heh. No worries, I forgot to post the link to the one three weeks back...though "Underage Shoggoths" isn't for everyone.

i had commented on that one though O.o

So you did. I'm tire.d

Following up from last week's Unpublishable: "Eztli and the Nagual"
http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2013/1 ... agual.html

ok, i finally get around to reading more of your stuff . .
first, rain on klatooine

It was a rare system of fat, wet, hot clouds to roll down and deposit it's moisture on the arid plains and deserts.

i don't know, something seems off about this sentence o.O

One of the bigger students got to close

too close

If anyone was looking that dark night the swings might have looked wild and erratic

should there not be another comma in between night and the?


next, Eztli and the Tlahuelpuchi
way too complicated that mayan language <.<

No errors or something to be found in this one.
Strange story nonetheless and the blasted mayan words make it kinda hard to read x.x


finally Eztli and the Nagual
no errors or anything in this one either, at least none that i can find.

I can fix that. But what did you think of "Rain on Klatooine," all errors aside?

i like the character, when he is being himself.
this kinda did not feel like the sith gone rogue magnificient bastard . . so, wolverine with jedi powers and a lightsaber claw.
but eh, i guess a nude compatible woman at his side will do that to a man, no matter how alien.

considering who he was with, saying the entire place smelled like wet dog was a bit sketchy ^^

the backstory bit of how he lost it . . the why should have been in there i feel and why, as a mere scholar, did the lightsaber blade stop for a bit before hitting through him? he did not know about that ability before right?

Hmm, forgot to answer you /and/ post last week's link here. Oh well.

Re: the doggy smell - the inhabitants of Klatooine are a race of humanoid canines.

Re: lightsaber blade stopping - only really makes sense in context of the earlier stories, he was attempting to stop the blade using the Force but hadn't perfected the technique yet.

This week on the Unpublishable is something a little different. "Machen, Remixed." http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/0 ... mixed.html

An experiment in seeing if I could do a chapter after the style of a Dan Brown novel. I don't think I quite have it right, but it's a bold experiment. Sortof. "Rites of Melchizedek" on the Unpublishable. http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/0 ... zedek.html

OK, i am at work, time for something usefull.
So, Broken Trumpet first:
That was a very well written story. Reminds me of something . .
And no errors in either punctuation, spelling or grammar to be found either.


Next Rites of Melchizedek:
sandels < = sandals? O.o

He could hardly imagine what his friends and business associates could say if they saw him < = would is probably a better fit here than the second could.

otherwise, it is a well written story, but i guess i am missing something here.

Sandals, right.

It's not a complete story. It's an experiment in a single chapter in the style of a Dan Brown novel. I don't think it quite works.

probably does not help that i never read any of them either . .

Yet more Star Wars fanfiction on the Unpublishable, as Eiven Task goes to prison. Read about his first day in "Force Shiv." http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/0 ... -shiv.html

ok, i love eiven task, so i am getting straight to this:

in-processing ritual? is that correct?

The brown alien, Greenie, stuck out one long finger, which began to glow as from within. Eiven said nothing as the finger touched the cut, and the flesh seemed to burn—but in a few moments the blood stopped, and the pain receded to a dull ache. Task fingered the fresh scar on his brow.

so that's where the little pedo went . . figures . .

In-processing is common for prisons, and has a sort of ritualistic air to it.

Heh. That gets worse when you consider that I've strongly hinted that "Greenie" is one of the "Children of the Green Planet."

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Grebleips%27_species

i got the ET reference . . i actually did not know that the ET were in Star Wars at all x.x

and in-processing simply does not sound/read right to me . . might be because i am not a native engrish speaker. second language started learning in school and then the rest is mostly self tought from reading much english stuff.

Terrible fragment, too tired to do better: http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/0 ... glass.html

http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/0 ... shots.html

I quick take-off of "Conjure Rum" called "Summoner Shots."

NSFW: http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/02/punchline.html

I'm not proud of this one, but there's a joke and a joke in there.

I keep forgetting to update this thread: http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/0 ... world.html

Not quite Lovecraftian spy-thriller-ness on the Unpublishable today with "Unexploded Ordnance." http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/0 ... nance.html

Today, Unpublishable, more Eiven Task/Star Wars nonsense:
http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2014/0 ... -sith.html