Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 2:29 pm
I'm sorry for your loss DSMatticus and Maj.
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Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 2:41 pm
My condolences. Both of you.
Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 4:42 pm
My condolences to you both.
Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 5:36 pm
Ow.Maj wrote:Ess died four hours ago. I can’t.
My heartfelt condolences.
Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 6:18 pm
I'm terribly sorry for your loss,Maj wrote:Ess died four hours ago. I can’t.
and to you as well, DSM.DSMatticus wrote:My dad passed away today
Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 6:36 pm
My condolences for your loss, both of you. I can only sort of imagine what it must be like.
Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 10:05 pm
My deepest condolences for both of your losses.
Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:37 pm
I am so sorry for both of you. There is so much I would like to say but words fail. Despite just being disembodied voices on the internet, if there is anything either of you need, PM me and I'll help you if I can. There is so much that's hard about losing a loved one but I think the hardest is the number of 'routine decisions' you're suddenly confronted with when you need time to grieve. If it's calling people to talk through options and give you a summary so you can focus on everything else, it would be an honor.
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2019 2:21 am
My condolences Maj. Tell us any way we can help.Maj wrote:Ess died four hours ago. I can’t.
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2019 2:28 am
Sorry I missed this - my condolences on your loss.DSMatticus wrote:My dad passed away today (yesterday?)
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2019 10:21 am
My condolences to both of you.
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2019 12:05 pm
My condolences to both of you. I'm sorry for your losses.
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2019 1:14 pm
Sorry to hear that. Losing someone close to you sucks.
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2019 5:08 pm
Condolences to both Maj and DSM.
Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:00 am
Oh god. I totally wasn't paying attention when I typed my message. I'm so sorry DSM. I had a few thoughts about death, too. And I need a place to put them. Read or don't. I'm just catharting.
I have been amazed at how important and wonderful I find those moments when someone just says Hi. Or I'm sorry. Even the insurance lady I talked to today to cancel Ess on the car insurance policy. It was a fleeting moment of connection. The posts here? They mean a lot even though they aren't tomes.
Grief goes in waves for me. I had to rearrange my entire kitchen because Ess could actually reach the top shelves of everything and I'm too short. I was getting things done, and I got to his wok, and I just stopped and broke down. That happens often. At random. I talk to him like he's still there.
I am finding that life is harder without a tall person. I can't open or close the window in my bedroom, and we usually leave it open at night because our room gets too hot and he closes it when he gets up for work in the morning. I can rearrange the room if I take out his dresser, but then I can't bring myself to do it because I feel like I'm erasing him.
It's been especially hard because of Giovanni. He's doing as OK as he can, but he just starts crying at random, too. He wanted to go to school today because he didn't want to stay home with the sadness. His entire school is supporting him. I've received calls from at least four staff members and letters from four others.
But Ess and Gi and I had a perfect day on Saturday. We bought concert tickets. We went grocery shopping. We paid bills. We said I love you and goodnight. I have no idea why/how Ess died - he just died in his sleep. But I don't have any regrets, any guilt. And I don't want to know how he died because then I might have a reason to think "If only I'd done ..." or "if only he'd done..."
Death sucks. But I am going to keep surrounding myself in pandas (Ess' totem animal) and delusionally talking to him as though he's there because that's how I can live with it. And whoever thought making 10 hour videos of people talking on youtube was fucking brilliant. It's how I get to sleep.
Grief goes in waves for me. I had to rearrange my entire kitchen because Ess could actually reach the top shelves of everything and I'm too short. I was getting things done, and I got to his wok, and I just stopped and broke down. That happens often. At random. I talk to him like he's still there.
I am finding that life is harder without a tall person. I can't open or close the window in my bedroom, and we usually leave it open at night because our room gets too hot and he closes it when he gets up for work in the morning. I can rearrange the room if I take out his dresser, but then I can't bring myself to do it because I feel like I'm erasing him.
It's been especially hard because of Giovanni. He's doing as OK as he can, but he just starts crying at random, too. He wanted to go to school today because he didn't want to stay home with the sadness. His entire school is supporting him. I've received calls from at least four staff members and letters from four others.
But Ess and Gi and I had a perfect day on Saturday. We bought concert tickets. We went grocery shopping. We paid bills. We said I love you and goodnight. I have no idea why/how Ess died - he just died in his sleep. But I don't have any regrets, any guilt. And I don't want to know how he died because then I might have a reason to think "If only I'd done ..." or "if only he'd done..."
Death sucks. But I am going to keep surrounding myself in pandas (Ess' totem animal) and delusionally talking to him as though he's there because that's how I can live with it. And whoever thought making 10 hour videos of people talking on youtube was fucking brilliant. It's how I get to sleep.
Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:03 am
Let me echo deaddm's sentiments. If there is anything that I can do to help either of you over the vastness of the internet, please let me know.
Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 8:06 am
Oh Maj, that's awful. My heart goes out to you and your son.
Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:13 pm
I'm so sorry DSM and Maj.
Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 7:03 pm
That really is truly awful, it's always terrible to lose someone close, but especially terrible when it's sudden and unexpected.
Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 7:22 pm
Ditto; and if it helps, I'm still in the DFW area.Josh_Kablack wrote:Let me echo deaddm's sentiments. If there is anything that I can do to help either of you over the vastness of the internet, please let me know.
Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 10:33 pm
Heartfelt condolences for both of you. Let us know what we can do.
Game On,
fbmf
Game On,
fbmf
Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 10:57 pm
My condolences to you two. 
Posted: Wed Apr 10, 2019 9:28 am
Condolences to you both
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2019 3:37 pm
That's fucking awful. I am so sorry.
I'll echo the sentiment here and say if there's anything either of you need, I am happy to help.
I'll echo the sentiment here and say if there's anything either of you need, I am happy to help.
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2019 5:01 pm
On my own personal note, this was Tuesday!:
