Let's Play Fighting Fantasy #2: The Citadel of Chaos

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:07 pm

You follow the stairs downwards. The air is cool and stagnant. At the foot of the stairs is a door. Will you try the door, or climb up the stairs again and go up to the door on the ground floor?

Korgan0 · Post by **Korgan0** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:11 pm

Try the door. What could go wrong?

Dr_Noface · Post by **Dr_Noface** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:23 pm

What an utterly pointless metagame paragraph. Are we supposed to doubt our previous choice? Doubt is not in Manstaff's vocabulary, unless you count him doubting anything could ever defeat him.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:40 pm

The door is locked. You may try to break the door by charging it with your shoulder or you may cast a Strength Spell on yourself and try to wrench the door off its hinges.

(Only "try" in both cases? Manstaff lives by Yoda's words; there is no try.)

JigokuBosatsu · Post by **JigokuBosatsu** » Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:02 pm

The charging option seems like schmuck bait- CAST A DEADLY SPELL!!!

Ikeren · Post by **Ikeren** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:58 am

Save the magic. Try to break the door by charging it. Use the spell on the second attempt.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:40 am

(I'm going to go with Ikeren on this one.)

As you hit the door, the wood cracks a little but does not give. You try it again and this time the wood splits down the middle. You break your way through into the room behind it.

You now stand in a large, round room. It is lit by a single torch, fixed into one wall. There is no furniture in the room, save for a rough wooden table and chair in the center. Hovering above the table - fast asleep - is a very small man dressed in a green shirt and pantaloons. He cannot be more than a meter tall and you cannot believe that he is still asleep after your noisy entrance! You hear a creak and turn to your right in time to see a small catapult fire a missile of some sort straight at you. It is going to hit you unless you use a Shielding Spell!

Do we want to use one or not?

angelfromanotherpin · Post by **angelfromanotherpin** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 4:30 am

Manstaff Cockbeard fears no anonymous 'missile.' Unless it's an actual missile 'missile,' which seems unlikely given the local paradigm. Let's suck it up and not look cowardly in front of the... little... sleeping... uh, ourselves. Self-respect is key.

Honestly, I'd be in favor of being all: ooh, this crap fortress doesn't even deserve my awesome magic.

OgreBattle · Post by **OgreBattle** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:16 am

If it was just stamina damage I would take it, but it could be one of those "and you are transformed into a lady frog: THE END" moves, or one of those "oh I am so shocked you used X, here is my magic sword!"

Korgan0 · Post by **Korgan0** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:25 am

We've only got one, so we should save it.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:30 am

You try to duck, but cannot avoid the full impact of the missile, which hits you on the forehead and splatters all over your face. You brace yourself, waiting perhaps for an acidic reaction to take place, but the mushy liquid merely drips off your face on to the ground. Cautiously you test it, first with your finger, then with your tongue. You have just been hit with a ripe tomato! You turn to face the sleeping figure once more.

Cautiously, you approach the little man. As you get close, a single eye opens and looks you straight in the face. A wide grin spreads between the creature's ears and he disappears! "Good mornin' to yer!" says a chirpy little voice behind you, and you swivel round to see him standing there, still grinning. "I'm O'Seamus, the Leprechaun!" he chuckles, and holds his hand out to you. He seems friendly enough - will you shake his hand and try to befriend him, or draw your sword?

(On one hand, he's totally going to joy buzzer us if we shake his hand, and I have no idea if that one will hurt us. But on the other he seems powerful enough to be dangerous.)

Korgan0 · Post by **Korgan0** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:36 am

We'll shake his hand, although we'll count our fingers afterwards.

OgreBattle · Post by **OgreBattle** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:48 am

Darth Rabbitt wrote: You brace yourself, waiting perhaps for an acidic reaction to take place, but the ____ liquid merely drips off your face on to the ground. Cautiously you test it, first with your finger, then with your tongue.

"It's not acid, I better put it in my mouth"
-Manstaff Cockbeard

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:21 pm

(Ogre, do you have a vote as to whether or not we shake Warwick Davis' hand?)

Dr_Noface · Post by **Dr_Noface** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:49 pm

I vote shake. His hand will probably turn out to be a ripe tomato.

angelfromanotherpin · Post by **angelfromanotherpin** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:43 pm

Stabbing Mxyzptlyk can do no good. Shake, and hope all his pranks are as harmless as the first.

OgreBattle · Post by **OgreBattle** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:54 pm

shake...

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 4:02 pm

You grasp his hand and introduce yourself - and cry out as the nerves in your arm go numb! O'Seamus bursts out laughing. Lose 1 SKILL point, as you were using your sword arm. You are becoming angry, but the little man continues to shake your hand and laugh. A laugh comes from behind you and you look round to see him floating in the air, grinning. But you are still shaking his hand in front of you... or are you? In fact, you now realize you are frantically shaking hands with a stuffed dummy which is flopping around on the end of your arm as you shake it. You throw it to the ground - but it is stuck to your hand! The situation is ludicrous, and you are becoming very angry. "Just a little joke," says the Leprechaun, who snaps his fingers. The dummy disappears. "Now, what can I do for you?" Will you ask him the way onwards or draw your sword?

(I wish we could ask this little bastard to restore our lost SKILL.)

Adventure Sheet:
Manstaff Cockbeard
Skill: 11/12
Stamina: 18/18
Luck: 7/8
Magic: 13/13
Equipment: Sword, Leather Armor, Enchanted Throwing Dagger (can be used once to automatically deal 2 damage to an opponent)
Backpack: Weeds, Ointment
Keys: Copper Key
Gold Pieces: 10
Potions: Potion of Magik (restores a used spell, 2/2 doses left)
Spells: Fire x 3, Levitation x 3, Creature Copy x 1, E.S.P. x1, Fool's Gold x 1, Illusion x 1, Shielding x 1, Strength x 1, Weakness x 1

Username17 · Post by **Username17** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 4:13 pm

While this is clearly a situation where we should have listened to Bad Religion, I honestly don't think we can get anywhere by drawing a sword. This has all the hallmarks of a DM Penis Extension encounter. Anything we do is going to humiliate us, and if we try to escalate things at any point we're just going to be punished.

So ask the dumb fucker about the way onwards. Where he will do something stupid and annoying to us again, but after we get dicked over three times we'll get an extremely minor reward for humbly accepting DM cock slaps on our head. The moment you say "Leprechauns" in the same sentence you're talking about railroading DMs from the 80s, you know that nothing good is going to happen. Especially if you attempt to solve things through violence.

-Username17

OgreBattle · Post by **OgreBattle** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 4:25 pm

Well that went just as expected. There ought to be a Fighting Fantasy book dedicated to killing harmful pranksters.

Yeah, let's just bear through his humiliation, this guy was written to be unkillable.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:55 pm

"Oh, I shouldn't go this way," says O'Seamus. "These are not pleasant parts. These three doors are the only way onward. Two of them are very dangerous and the other is very smelly." On the opposite side of the room are three doors. One has a brass handle, one has a copper handle and one has a bronze handle. Which will you choose:

The brass-handled door?
The copper-handled door?
The bronze-handled door?
Or will you ask his advice?

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 6:02 pm

Experience tells me to go for the copper handle, and any advice we get from the guy is liable to lead Cockbeard to certain doom.

Username17 · Post by **Username17** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 6:05 pm

Yeah, probably Copper Door. Assuming for the moment that the author actually knows that Brass is cheaper than Copper and Bronze is more expensive, it's essentially like taking Goblet 2.

-Username17

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:14 pm

You open the door and step out a long, dark corridor.

A sudden intense flash of light bursts out in front of you. You shield your eyes and then rub them - but you cannot see! Panic hits you as you hear a low growling noise. Padded footsteps come closer and you cry out in pain as this unseen creature roars and embeds its sharp teeth in your leg. Will you:

Cast a Strength Spell?
Cast a Weakness Spell?
Draw your sword and slash out at the creature?

(Hmm. It's so painful that it causes no damage to us. Are we going to buck our tradition of never casting in situations where stabbing is an option?)

Whatever · Post by **Whatever** » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:16 pm

Manstaff Cockbeard never passes up an opportunity to stab things with his penis sword!

The Gaming Den

Let's Play Fighting Fantasy #2: The Citadel of Chaos

What should our name be?