Let's Play Fighting Fantasy #2: The Citadel of Chaos

[angelfromanotherpin]

I said a-stab, stab, stabbity, stab, I said a-stab-stab-stabbity-stab.

[Darth Rabbitt]

You slash about madly with your sword but cannot hit the creature. Either it is extremely quick, or it has no solid body for you to hit! Its teeth are now tearing at your flesh and you can feel blood on your leg. You will have to protect yourself with your magic, or face certain death from this unseen creature. Will you cast a Strength Spell, a Weakness Spell, or if you cannot (or will not,) neither?

[angelfromanotherpin]

Yeah, still no actual damage; this thing is totally a fucking illusion. As such, it does not deserve our magic.

[Darth Rabbitt]

The creature is savaging you mercilessly and you are powerless to prevent it. Your leg is covered in blood and the pain is sickening. To no avail you struggle with the unseen head. You are in agony. The creature lunges at your neck, and your last memory, before losing consciousness, is of its jaws closing around your throat.

You awake and look around. As your memory returns, you are amazed that you can see! Your leg feels tender, but is uninjured! You hear a small chuckle coming from above you and suddenly the whole thing makes sense...

Floating above you is O'Seamus, now laughing loudly. The who thing has been one big practical joke! You are enraged and leap to your feet, but as you glare at the funny little man rolling about in the air in hysterics, you can't help but see the funny side too. You chuckle, then giggle, then laugh loudly. For some time the two of you roar with laughter until tears stream down your faces.

(And then I passed out from the sheer pain of being tortured by an illusionary monster! Isn't that hilarious?)

When you are both able to control yourselves, you eventually settle down to chat. He is a pleasant little man. Before you leave, he says, "Indeed you are a good sport. Your way ahead is fraught with danger, though. But perhaps these will help you." With a wave of his hand, a sword and a plate appear on the table. The sword is a magic battlesword and will add 1 point to the dice roll when throwing for your Attack Strength. The plate is, in fact, a Silver Mirror of fine workmanship. You may take these with you, but you will have to leave your old sword behind. Leave the room through either:

The brass-handled door
The copper-handled door
The bronze-handled door

Adventure Sheet:
Manstaff Cockbeard
Skill: 11/12
Stamina: 18/18
Luck: 7/8
Magic: 13/13
Equipment: Magic Battlesword (+1 Attack Strength,) Leather Armor, Enchanted Throwing Dagger (can be used once to automatically deal 2 damage to an opponent)
Backpack: Weeds, Ointment, Silver Mirror
Keys: Copper Key
Gold Pieces: 10
Potions: Potion of Magik (restores a used spell, 2/2 doses left)
Spells: Fire x 3, Levitation x 3, Creature Copy x 1, E.S.P. x1, Fool's Gold x 1, Illusion x 1, Shielding x 1, Strength x 1, Weakness x 1

[Dr_Noface]

buh-ronze

[Username17]

Wait, why is the Copper Door still an option? Did Asshole McDMPenisExtension really just torture us into unconsciousness before we even got anywhere? If so, shouldn't we just go down the Copper Door exit again, because we know it doesn't have a Death-No-Save trap for walking through it?

-Username17

[OgreBattle]

brass dragons are stronger than copper, that makes me think brass is more valuable (what with platinum and gold being strongest)


BRONZE. Bronze sounds like something we get to fight

[Korgan0]

I'm with Frank here. Copper.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(OK, I'll break the tie and say we go with copper again. And, as a joke, we leave our old sword behind in the Leprechaun's face as we walk out the door.)

The door opens and you enter a narrow corridor. You follow it for some time until you finally come to another door: this time a wide, carved door with the inscription "Wine Cellar" set into it. You try the handle and it opens. Poking your head round the door you can see rows and rows of racks full of bottles... full of wine? The room is dimly lit by several candles. Your opening the door has caused a little bell to ring, and a figure is limping towards you up one of the aisles. Will you draw your sword and prepare to defend yourself or see what this fellow might have to say?

[Korgan0]

Let's see what he has to say.

[Username17]

Limping creatures are generally one of three things:

• Old wise things that dispense advice.
• Wounded things that need our help.
• Zombies.

That picture does not appear to be a zombie, so I say talk to it.

-Username17

[Ancient History]

It looks like a Dark Elf. Experience has taught me that Dark Elves in Fightin' Fantasy are bigger dicks than in D&D. We'll probably end up stabbing it in the face anyway.

[Dr_Noface]

I feel bad for this guy. He has a limp and an obvious eating disorder. We should talk to him.

[OgreBattle]

Talk, he may have a candle to show us

[Darth Rabbitt]

The BLACK ELF approaching you is skinny and ragged. He asks you whether you are a guest or an adventurer. You tell him that you are a guest, come down to sample the wine he keeps in his famous Wine Cellar. With a certain pride, he shows you the vintage bottles he keeps for his Lord, the Demi-Sorcerer. Some of them, he claims, have magical powers. He offers to let you sample the wine. Will you try a sample of:

The Red Wine?
The White Wine?
The Rosé Wine?
Decline his offer and make your way onwards?

[Username17]

In this particular case, I think we aren't just looking for the "Goblet B". I mean, the dude is right there and wouldn't be handing out jackass random traps to guests. Not even in a railroady fantasy. In this case, I think you're supposed to be guessing what the author's favorite wine is. We can deduce this from the fact that the author is a British dude writing in the 80s. Therefore he probably thinks that Rosé is for pufftahs and that real men drink red wine. My guess is that the Red Wine does something good, the Rosé does something bad, and the White Wine doesn't do anything.

-Username17

[Ancient History]

I'm gonna say Red Wine too.

[Korgan0]

Sure, red.

[Shrapnel]

(What's the difference between a Dark Elf and a Black Elf, anyway?)

I'm gonna cave in to peer pressure and say drink the red wine, too. It puts hairs on your chest.

[Ancient History]

(Generally the difference is whether Steck Jackson or Ian Livingstone is writing the book, I think.)

[OgreBattle]

is FrankTrollman Sicilian?


Red, I think it will make us go faster.

[Shrapnel]

is FrankTrollman Sicilian?

I dunno, but I am. At least, I'm of Sicilian descent... man, do I love pigs feet...

[Darth Rabbitt]

You taste the wine and nod. The vintage is indeed excellent with a refreshing, fruity taste. You try a little more and start to feel light-headed. Add 2 STAMINA points and 3 LUCK points for finding such an excellent beverage. You thank the Black Elf and press onwards.

At the far end of the Wine Cellar is a wooden door, which you try. It opens out into a passageway which leads onwards for several meters.

Some way along the passage, you arrive at a four-way junction. You take a path to the north, which eventually leads you to a large wooden door. You can hear nothing by listening to the keyhole. Will you open the door slowly and quietly, or charge the door down?

Adventure Sheet:
Manstaff Cockbeard
Skill: 11/12
Stamina: 18/18
Luck: 8/8
Magic: 13/13
Equipment: Magic Battlesword (+1 Attack Strength,) Leather Armor, Enchanted Throwing Dagger (can be used once to automatically deal 2 damage to an opponent)
Backpack: Weeds, Ointment, Silver Mirror
Keys: Copper Key
Gold Pieces: 10
Potions: Potion of Magik (restores a used spell, 2/2 doses left)
Spells: Fire x 3, Levitation x 3, Creature Copy x 1, E.S.P. x1, Fool's Gold x 1, Illusion x 1, Shielding x 1, Strength x 1, Weakness x 1

[CapnTthePirateG]

Drink all the booze.

[Username17]

I can't think of a single advantage to be gained by making a lot of noise opening the fucking door. If it opens quietly, open the damn door quietly. These are kind of stupid puzzles.

-Username17