The Gaming Den

Alright, this wasn't part of a campaign, this is just something me and a buddy did a while back to prove a point.

We were comparing the Tarrasque with some Dragons. I noticed the Very Old Gold Dragon and remembered a comment I had made to a friend in my earlier D&D days about the Tarrasque being able to easily defeat a Great Wyrm Gold. I was informed then that the Great Wyrm Gold casts spells like Wish. Well, I know better now.

Anyway, I asked my friend if he thought the Tarrasque could beat a Very Old Gold Dragon. He compared their stats, and decided yeah, the Tarrasque would waste a Very Old Gold Dragon. We made a challenge out of it. After taking a few moments to compile the necessary spells, I told him I was ready, and we went to it.

So, I go right into the melee and get beaten up for a couple rounds, let him think he's winning, then fly upward and lob the spell I wanted to use against him; Baleful Polymorph.

In my haste to select spells, though, I had forgotten to check for SR. Well, he didn't, and told me to make a caster level check. I did and rolled a twenty. I needed that or a 19 to make it, and so I get through his SR. Next are the Tarrasque's ungodly saving throws.

First, the Fort save. He rolls a one. By the gods, I just turned the Tarrasque into a Squirrel.

Still, there's a second save to be made, a Will save. He makes it. Wait, that does what now? Uh oh.

Now we have a Squirrel (Str 3, Dex 15, Con 10) with 48d10 Hit Dice (264 hp), Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 14, and all the Extraordinary and Supernatural abilities of the Tarrasque. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the Squirrasque. A list of his abilities.

Augmented Critical (Ex): The Squirrasque's bite threatens a critical hit on a natural attack roll of 18-20, dealing triple damage on a successful critical hit.

At 1d3-4... that's still only 1 point of damage. Or, wait, does it go up to three? I'm not sure how that works.

Frightful Presence (Su): The Squirrasque can inspire terror by charging or attacking. Affected creatures must succeed on a DC 36 Will save or become shaken, remaing in that condition as long as they remain within 60 feet of the Squirrasque. The save DC is Charisma-based.

So this veteran Fighter sees a squirrel start chewing on a nut, and is suddenly frightened for his life... yeah.

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, the Squirrasque must hit a Huge or smaller opponent with its bite attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it establishes a hold and can try to swallow the foe the following round.

It might be the Tarrasque, but it's still a freaking squirrel. With a Strength of 3 and Tiny size, it's not going to be grappling much. Wait, swallow? Umm... we'll get to that later.

Rush (Ex): Once per minute, the normally slow-moving Squirrasque can move at a speed of 150 feet.

Can you imagine sitting on a park bench, looking across the field, and seeing a squirrel suddenly zoom toward you faster than a car? I'd be impressed.

Swallow Whole (Ex): The Squirrasque can try to swallow a grabbed opponent of Huge or smaller size by making a successful grapple check. Once inside, the opponent takes 2d8+8 points of crushing damage plus 2d8+6 points of acid damage per round from the Squirrasque's digestive juices. A swallowed creature can cut its way out by dealing 50 points of damage to the Squirrasque's digestive tract (AC 25). Once the creature exits, muscular action closes the hole; another swallowed opponent must cut its own way out.

The Squirrasque's gullet can hold 2 Huge, 8 Large, 32 Medium, 128 Small, or 512 Tiny or smaller creatures.

What. The. Hell. Seriously. By the definition of Baleful Polymorph, it must keeps its extraordinary abilities, and this is the way the ability was written, so it can do this. It still can't grapple worth a crap, but maybe it doesn't need to. Helpless foes can't really oppose grapple checks, now can they?

So let's imagine a camp of, say, nine Frost Giants, each at 15 feet in height. One is keeping watch, the others are asleep. A little squirrel waddles into the camp, and the giant ignores it. About a minute later, he turns to check on his buddies, just in time to see the last one get swallowed whole by the squirrel. That's not nearly so impressive, though, as when one of his pals cuts his way out from the squirrel. Oh no, it's the legendary Squirrasque, run for your lives!

Damn. Let's move on, though really, after Swallow Whole, the rest just isn't as funny.

Carapace (Ex): The Squirrasque's armourlike carapace is exceptionally tough and highly reflective, deflecting all rays, lines, cones, and even magic missile spells. There is a 30% chance of reflecting any suck effect back at the caster; otherwise, it is merely negated. Check for reflection before rolling to overcome the creature's spell resistance.

Oh yeah, the squirrel has a shiny shell. Now it looks weird and throws your Scorching Ray back in your face as well as being able to swallow a platoon of Orcs.

Regeneration (Ex): No form of attack deals lethal damage to the Squirrasque. The Squirrasque regenerates even if it fails a saving throw against a disintegrate spell or death effect. If the Squirrasque fails its save against a spell or effect that would kill it instantly (such as those mentioned above), the spell or effect instead deals nonlethal damage equal to the creature's full normal hit points +10 (or 274 hp). The Squirrasque is immune to effects that produce incurable or bleeding wounds, such as mummy rot, a sword with the wounding special ability, or a clay golem's cursed wound ability. The Squirrasque can be slain only by raising its nonlethal damage to its full normal hit points +10 (or 274 hp) and using a wish or miracle spell to keep it dead.

If the Squirrasque loses a limb or body part, the lost portion regrows in 1d6 minutes (the detached piece dies and decays normally). The creature can reattach the severed member instantly by holding it to the stump.

And when you cut its head off, it gets another one in a couple minutes.

Also, it has DR 15/epic, immunity to fire, poison, disease, energy drain, and ability damage, it gets 40 hit points back each turn from its regeneration, and it has SR 32.

So now we have a squirrel who bites a little harder, scares people peeless when he does bite, can move really, really fast every sixty seconds, is all-but-impossible to kill, can't be touched by an assload of spells, and can swallow Nightwalkers without chewing.

This is the epic of the Squirrasque. Thank you for reading.

Also, for reference, I couldn't find any stats for a squirrel, so I used the stats for the weasel.

that's fvcking amazing... I'm going to have to throw that at some epic characters sometime... possibly with an increased bite attack somehow... wait, does it keep it's feats?*checking description* yup, so it's entirely possible that either it has the tarrasque's feats, or you get to select an assload of feats for it.

Heh. Assign it some feats from Races of War. Like Great Fortitude. That oughtta make up at least a little bit for the fact that it can't do any real damage.

actually I was thinking "Improved Natural Weapon" 16 times... but apparently it can't be taken multiple times and apply to the same attack... so, yeah, RoW feats.

Weapon Finesse and Insightful Strike, maybe?

http://boards.wizards.com

I don't get it. Did you want me to post the Squirrasque on the WotC forum, or what?

I'd do it.

I'll will if you won't.

Be my guest. I didn't put it on the internet to keep it private. I just find I don't really bother much with the WotC boards.

Hang on... Why would I do it? It's funny, but would posting this benefit anyone? I don't think I'll bother either. Maybe...

Should I start up the argument about how it's obviously referring to creatures of two or more size categories smaller then the attacking creature (as per the wording on the description of other monsters with Swallow Whole, and the description of Swallow Hole in special abilities)... or is the point pretty much moot?

I fully understand that it makes such a referrence in the Swallow Whole ability of any other creature; however, in the case of the Tarrasque, probably because it only has one size, it specifically states Huge or smaller creatures. As a DM, I would rule the Two Size-Categories smaller. But with RAW, the Squirrasque can swallow two Huge creatures whole.

It could slowly nibble entire towns to death!
Unless you trap it in a cardboard box.
Alas, your plan is foiled.

Fortunately I know the secret to defeating the squrrel and therefore the squirrasque. It is the secret desire, the great drug of choice of the squrrel for which they will do anything to possess. I speak of peanutbutter.

No, seriously, take a large slice of bread, cover it with peanut butter and watch what lentghs a squirrel will go to in order to claim that sacred food prize! I've seen them attempt to back up a tree while trying to hold a piece of bread as big as themselves in their teeth!

So a really large piece of bread, a little levitation magic and a very large sphere of anhialiation and your squirrasque problem is solved.

Ah, but it still has the mind of the Tarrasque. It only eats things that breathe. If the Tarrasque was a vegetarian, adventurers would be much safer. The elves would be pretty pissed, though.

and Elven Adventurers?

Head asplode!

Pfft. Elves aren't real adventurers. They just pretend to do it so the Dwarves don't make fun of them.

*Elf wearing a minotaur skin trenchcoat, a spiked chain as a belt and a large bastardsword across his backs steps into the thread, weilding his party's Cleric of Pelor* "What was that about us not being real adventurers?"

And obviously they're also stupid, because I have to repeat myself.

Heh, I've seen that one before... apparently, a Cleric of a good-aligned deity counts as a good-aligned weapon, and thus penetrates the damage reduction of evil creatures. Of course, you need some way to get around the improvised weapon penalties; I seem to remember something about special magical gloves that automatically give you proficiency with anything you touch.



...Ah, right, you're actually the person who did that. Heh, small Internet.

On a quasi-related note, one group I played with used our polymorphed enemies as trap finders and investigators. We'd have the party toad-on-a-rope. We kept upgrading our toads as we morphed tougher enemies. A toadrrasque I suppose would have been our ultimate upgrade.

An adamantine wire-rope and you'd never lose it.

Endovior at [unixtime wrote:1175974648[/unixtime]]Heh, I've seen that one before... apparently, a Cleric of a good-aligned deity counts as a good-aligned weapon, and thus penetrates the damage reduction of evil creatures. Of course, you need some way to get around the improvised weapon penalties; I seem to remember something about special magical gloves that automatically give you proficiency with anything you touch.



...Ah, right, you're actually the person who did that. Heh, small Internet.

lol, yeah.