Anatomy of Failed Design: Enemies and Allies
Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:37 am
The biggest question anyone would have of this book is 'is this even necessary?' I mean, first of all creating your own NPCs (unlike, say, magic items) is not only expected but practically required. There's no gravitas from using NPCs someone else printed unless they're famous characters like Drizzle or Gandalf. Furthermore a lot of NPCs are written up in such a way so that it's very hard to transplant them into your campaign. You may really like the tale of Gold Jack, the battle-scarred halfling who blanketed Synn City with a deep slumber spell and rescued the slaves, but that kind of character is really hard to use for most groups. So you either have to rewrite the character or ignore the entry, which amounts to a waste of peoples' money.
That said, I still think that an Enemies and Allies book has some merit to it. The biggest and probably only advantage to having a book of shared NPCs is that you give the DM and the players a gooey vibe when they realize that the villain behind the plot to contaminate a fort's water supply so they can get in good with the Eyes of Gruumsh is none other than Red Knobby Gilead. Because let's face it, Dungeons and Dragons is one of the biggest crossovers of all time. You've got your biblical mythology, you've got your Greek mythology, you've got your Lord of the Rings, you've got your Conan the Barbarian, you've got your Romance of the Three Kingdoms, all that. Once you've accepted the idea of matching wits with a sphinx and a frost giant in the same campaign you may as well admit that you're one of those crossover fanboys. We'll talk more about this later.
Now the E&A book doesn't get everything wrong. There are a couple of goodies in the book but for the most part NPCs fall into one of two categories: 'Why the hell do I need a detailed background on Dave the Bureaucrat if he can't advance the plot?' and 'This is a cool idea, but it's way too specific to be transplanted into the campaign'.
Before we start, let's talk about an unspoken rule. Don't put detailed NPCs in this book if they can't affect the plot on a large scale. While everyone loves Dennis the Peasant, for the love of Koresh we don't need to actually have stats for him. Characters like that can be made up the fly if need be. All of the characters listed here can be expected to kick ass or get the people who can kick ass.
NPC Archetype Master List
This should be the easiest step, but it's also pretty easy to jack up. If you cross-reference the campaign settings you'll come up with some common characters: the outsider who wants to reform their race, a villain that used to be a hero, ominous wizards' guilds, world-weary veterans, etc.. Now while they may seem cliche and you might want to go for something artsier, the fact is that these characters are cliche for a reason. So embrace them. But put a spin on them that makes them stand out from other characters.
But let's get back to the brainstorming. Now while in theory people should be able to come up with a hundred stock fantasy characters on the spot, it's actually pretty hard to do. So instead of coming up with individual characters, come up with broad categories and then fill them up. Don't go too much into detail, just do broad stereotypes. We need, for example:
Law Enforcement: NPCs that represent various stages of the law, from the captain of the guard in a large city to a clerical detective.
Outlaws: The NPCs who break the law in some fashions. You have your Robin Hoods but you also have your Artemis Enteris.
Overlords: The dark lords who make life miserable for the PCs. Don't just have the standard 'guy in platemail who sits on his throne and broods' (though certainly include him), also have a fanatic tribal leader, the mad scientist emperor who experiments on his subjects, the dark vizier who is making pacts with devils, etc.
Religious Leaders: You have your idiotic-but-heroic paladins, your cynical but humanitarian church leader, the Fist of Hextor Blackguard who promises to protect your city in return for religious subjugation, your cult leader who believes in human sacrifice, so on.
Ideologues: This is should be the biggest section. PCs have motivations and tweaking them is a good way to get involved. For example, you could have a great monk who believes exterminating all members of a usually (but not completely) evil race, you could have a woman who is prescient of capitalism, another person wants to end slavery by any means possible, so on.
Other Rulers: This is where you have the hard-but-fair king, the gang leader of the biggest slums on the planet, so-on.
Rival Adventurers: These would be the stats of the iconic characters. However, 3rd Edition D&D screwed up by making the iconics bland and overly generic and not taking an opportunity to flesh out their characters. Really, what's the difference between Tordek/Johan/Regdar? Nothing.
Wizard's Guild: All of these characters don't have to have a relation to each other though sometimes it's convenient. Regardless wizards are the instigators of a lot of plots in fantasy so a wizard that doesn't fit into any of the other categories should go here.
Fighter's Stable: Next to the Wizard's Guild this is probably the most common archetype. This is where you go when you want some muscle. This catemegory would include the snobby martial artist who is only 12 years old but punches out dragons, Seahawk who is an undefeated veteran of naval combat, John Prax the world's most famous bodyguard-for-hire who used to be a warrior king before his kingdom succumbed to disease, ...and Minsc. You gotta have a Minsc.
Famous Monsters: Dungeons and Dragons infamously has a 'kill on sight' policy for most monsters. So all of these monsters need to have a good reason for why they're both famous and alive. This means that they should have a lot of panache. Famous monsters would be characters like Dunkelzahn and Grendel.
Public Domain Characters: This one is so important that it will actually get a section.
Public Domain characters
We discussed earlier that Dungeons and Dragons is a bigass fantasy crossover. So once you accept that, what's to stop people from meeting Hikari Genji and Lancelot? Answer: nothing at all, really. Yes, it's a little cheesy but D&D isn't exactly what people would call serious business in the first place. Now while I don't think that every campaign should have people meeting Enkidu down at Bloody Mountains a lot of people would like to have the option.
If you are going to go this route then you need to determine what spectrum of iconics you need to support so there isn't too much overlap (and thus wasted space). King Arthur and Dracula are pretty much always on the short list. So is Perseus and Hercules.
I'm not going to come up with a big list of iconic characters. I do think it would be fun to come up with a list of them and then pare it down to the minimum required but I don't think it's necessary.
Come up with a list of organizations.
One cool thing Enemies and Allies did was to group similarly-themed NPCs together. Unfortunately, the book both didn't go far enough and made the groupings too specific. The section for organizations should not be dependent on a certain team of NPCs working together. That's dumb and hard to transplant into your campaign. Rather, organizations should be built on the assumption that any or all of the archetypes are working together. For example:
Blackdagger Company: The Blackdaggers are the largest mercenary guild in the planet. They do will anything, no matter how crooked, if the price is right. They are extremely concerned with secrecy and work through agents so that if a chapter is discovered it will shield the rest of the group. They have members from the Fighter's Stable, Wizard's Guild, and Outlaws. Several Evil Overlords and Religious Leaders routinely use their services. They have the Hard-But-Fair king under blackmail.
Justice Knights: They're religious fanatics of the God of Justice and do whatever they can to fight evil. Some members are a bit more extreme than other but they're all basically good at heart. They have the Ideologues on speed-dial and a couple of Famous Monsters actually on service.
Firemason Crime Family: The Firemasons have but one objective: take over the world. They're all related by blood or by marriage and want to infiltrate all layers of every society. All of the top-ranking Firemasons are extremely trained diplomats, seducers, bribers, etc.. They come to the aid of their brethren unless the source of their troubles is gross incompetence or would reveal the identity of the others. They definitely have members from the Evil Overlord and Religious organizations in it but have some surprises in their ranks, too: their retainers are Lu Bu and Morgana le Fay and have a couple of Rival Adventurers on there. Not everyone who is actually part of the Firemasons agrees with their agenda 100%.
Write NPC-generation charts
Unfortunately, Enemies and Allies' work in this section is amazingly crummy. Their coolest idea is the halfling clean-up crew. There isn't much to criticize the book on this part mostly because they were completely remiss in not doing this section in the first place. But whatever.
Unlike the other sections, you don't actually need to write stats for these guys. Ideally you'll have a robust monster-creation system already for combat stuff and honestly you don't need to spend too much time coming up with detailed backstories for the mooks. At most, you'll need to roll a d20 on the chart to get rough person personality of the patrol's team leader chasing down your party. And here's a secret for NPC generation: all of these characters are based on pre-existing NPCs somewhere, but with appropriate tweaks.
So this section should focus mainly on tables and tweaks. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:
Random Murderers
14: Savagers- A group of heavily scarred, half-naked outlaws who believe in causing as much violence and terror as possible. In battle, they have little regard for their targets, preferring to mow down the defenseless unless directly threatened by someone stronger. All of them have the Power Attack and Cleave feats.
15: Disease Cult- Cultists driven mad by disease, want to take as many people down with them as possible. They do whatever they can to try to infect people in battle with their plague. If they hit with a natural attack or a grapple you risk contracting filth fever.
16: Clean-Up Crew- Someone saw too much and some paranoid secret-holder decided that there's no kill like overkill. They're professional and use good tactics but loathe to leave survivors. They're easily distracted by people fleeing. All of them have significant ranks in Stealth and Track.
17: Deserters- The penalty for deserting the army is death and these people know it, so they're living each day as if it was their last. Since they tend to be conscripts, military training is low but they tend to be well-armed. Preferring to prey on the weak, they don't have much stomach for a pitched battle unless they're cornered. They have the tweaks of the army they're supposed to be in.
Military Legions
6: Blue Dwarven Guard- Fearless, jingoistic dwarves with a deep sense of honor. They wear stone armor with semi-precious gemstones in it, denoting their status as elite redshirts. All of them use glaives, tower shields, and shortswords and prefer to fix in a phalanx formation. They get a +1 bonus to AC and attack for each military-trained and equipped dwarf adjacent to them or in front or behind them.
7: Goblin Outriders- Goblins on worgs! The goblins themselves tend to be lightly armored, carrying only a shield and a wooden lance. The worgs have a spiked faceplate which gives them a +1 bonus to AC. After the goblin charges the worg tries to grapple and pin their prey; the goblin then stabs them from above.
8: Warmages- Low-ranking apprentice mages who have just enough firepower to be better than conscripts. They are dressed in grey robes with black tiger stripes and mostly use long-range blaster spells like Magic Missile. They have high discipline and morale but are not built for protracted combat, tending to follow the lead of their buddies. Every third Warmage carries a scroll of some powerful spell like Lightning Bolt.
And so on.
If you want to come up with a random personality and trait generator (and it's strongly recommend that you do, they're pretty easy and don't take up much space) here is where you would do it, too.
Fleshing out the NPCs
Now remember earlier when we brainstormed a list of NPCs that you might want to transplant into your campaign? Here comes the worst part, actually writing up traits for the NPCs.
Enemies and Allies' best work is in this part of the design process. Though that's not saying a whole lot. They do have a couple of cool ideas so we'll discuss what they did right and what they did wrong.
A: Now our dragon needs a name! Every NPC that is going into this book should either have an easy-to-remember name or a nickname. You should do that for any campaign anyway as a courtesy, but it's especially important here because we know our product is working right when people go 'and then our party got ambushed by Blood Spider and her mercenaries' and other gamers respond 'oh yeah, her, she's a real pain in the neck'. King Ander is an easy name to remember. Blood Spider is also easy to remember. Jara Selarin is not.
B: You have two ways to do stats. You can either tweak pre-existing NPCs like you would do with the mooks or come up with your unique statblock. If you're going to do a unique statblock then it better be unique: as in, can't be easily extrapolated from pre-existing books. Otherwise it's just wasting space. A wizard that specializes in lightning spells (assuming that you don't have an elementalist statblock) is a good enough reason to stat. A gladiator that focuses in smashing things is not. A halfling paladin who fights in tandem with their blink dog is worth statting. A cleric that specializes in healing and radiant energy is not.
C: Now that you have a good statblock, this would be the point where you sexxed it up a little. This is the part where you give the NPC unique magic items, custom feats and powers, or just invest some points in a direction where it wouldn't be obvious. A barbarian-king who dabbled in summoning magic is just more memorable than a barbarian who wields a bigass sword. Even if you decided to generate NPCs by the tweaking method you would still want to load up on your unique spoon here.
D: The hardest but most rewarding part, coming up with motivations and personality. I was going to post some sample descriptions and backstories from the book itself to analyze what the book did right, but you know what? These things tend to be four to six paragraphs long. So that should tell you where the book went wrong already. So here are some guidelines to this thing.
First of all, try as hard as you can not to tie the character down to a specific feature of a campaign. A little bit unfortunately is necessary; if you're going to have Dracula as an NPC you're going to need a hidey-hole. But you do not need to specify that the stronghold is located deep in the forest or that it is in catacombs deep underneath the city or that he prefers temperate climates. Do not describe your character as a 'gladiator', since if the campaign doesn't have bloodsports then the NPC is useless. Describe your character as a 'warrior showboat', which means that this character could be a gladiator but also a skald, a swashbuckler, or even a jester.
Now for personality. This is where you want to get as weird as possible while still making the character plausible, if not relatable on some level. That's why people shelled out money for this book. It's fine to make a character's role in the story archetypical, but making their personality archetypical is just inexcusable. Here's an example of a bad NPC:
Come up with a list of plot hooks.
The last but certainly not least of the missed opportunities by Enemies and Allies. Yes, they do introduce some ways for NPCs to get involved but they're not exactly compelling. The plot hooks are buried within NPC descriptions; they should be completely neutral to the printed NPCs altogether.
For example:
Assassination: Standard motivations can include money, but more personal ones are preferred; for example, they want to stave off a prophecy by the PCs or they are the relative of a mook the PCs killed. The assassin can be the one directly wanting the PCs' death or they can be a proxy for someone else, who may have motivations of their own. For example, Draganoth is forced to perform a hit attempt on the PCs because Duke Goldd is threatening his family. Duke Goldd wants to prey on a PC's wife.
It's generic enough to be applicable to most games but also has the ability for some customization. Instead of Draganath performing the assassination, it could just as easily be Grinning Gwenwyn, a beautiful young necromancer who killed off a PC's family long ago for sport and she is chomping at the bit to finish the job.
That said, I still think that an Enemies and Allies book has some merit to it. The biggest and probably only advantage to having a book of shared NPCs is that you give the DM and the players a gooey vibe when they realize that the villain behind the plot to contaminate a fort's water supply so they can get in good with the Eyes of Gruumsh is none other than Red Knobby Gilead. Because let's face it, Dungeons and Dragons is one of the biggest crossovers of all time. You've got your biblical mythology, you've got your Greek mythology, you've got your Lord of the Rings, you've got your Conan the Barbarian, you've got your Romance of the Three Kingdoms, all that. Once you've accepted the idea of matching wits with a sphinx and a frost giant in the same campaign you may as well admit that you're one of those crossover fanboys. We'll talk more about this later.
Now the E&A book doesn't get everything wrong. There are a couple of goodies in the book but for the most part NPCs fall into one of two categories: 'Why the hell do I need a detailed background on Dave the Bureaucrat if he can't advance the plot?' and 'This is a cool idea, but it's way too specific to be transplanted into the campaign'.
Before we start, let's talk about an unspoken rule. Don't put detailed NPCs in this book if they can't affect the plot on a large scale. While everyone loves Dennis the Peasant, for the love of Koresh we don't need to actually have stats for him. Characters like that can be made up the fly if need be. All of the characters listed here can be expected to kick ass or get the people who can kick ass.
NPC Archetype Master List
This should be the easiest step, but it's also pretty easy to jack up. If you cross-reference the campaign settings you'll come up with some common characters: the outsider who wants to reform their race, a villain that used to be a hero, ominous wizards' guilds, world-weary veterans, etc.. Now while they may seem cliche and you might want to go for something artsier, the fact is that these characters are cliche for a reason. So embrace them. But put a spin on them that makes them stand out from other characters.
But let's get back to the brainstorming. Now while in theory people should be able to come up with a hundred stock fantasy characters on the spot, it's actually pretty hard to do. So instead of coming up with individual characters, come up with broad categories and then fill them up. Don't go too much into detail, just do broad stereotypes. We need, for example:
Law Enforcement: NPCs that represent various stages of the law, from the captain of the guard in a large city to a clerical detective.
Outlaws: The NPCs who break the law in some fashions. You have your Robin Hoods but you also have your Artemis Enteris.
Overlords: The dark lords who make life miserable for the PCs. Don't just have the standard 'guy in platemail who sits on his throne and broods' (though certainly include him), also have a fanatic tribal leader, the mad scientist emperor who experiments on his subjects, the dark vizier who is making pacts with devils, etc.
Religious Leaders: You have your idiotic-but-heroic paladins, your cynical but humanitarian church leader, the Fist of Hextor Blackguard who promises to protect your city in return for religious subjugation, your cult leader who believes in human sacrifice, so on.
Ideologues: This is should be the biggest section. PCs have motivations and tweaking them is a good way to get involved. For example, you could have a great monk who believes exterminating all members of a usually (but not completely) evil race, you could have a woman who is prescient of capitalism, another person wants to end slavery by any means possible, so on.
Other Rulers: This is where you have the hard-but-fair king, the gang leader of the biggest slums on the planet, so-on.
Rival Adventurers: These would be the stats of the iconic characters. However, 3rd Edition D&D screwed up by making the iconics bland and overly generic and not taking an opportunity to flesh out their characters. Really, what's the difference between Tordek/Johan/Regdar? Nothing.
Wizard's Guild: All of these characters don't have to have a relation to each other though sometimes it's convenient. Regardless wizards are the instigators of a lot of plots in fantasy so a wizard that doesn't fit into any of the other categories should go here.
Fighter's Stable: Next to the Wizard's Guild this is probably the most common archetype. This is where you go when you want some muscle. This catemegory would include the snobby martial artist who is only 12 years old but punches out dragons, Seahawk who is an undefeated veteran of naval combat, John Prax the world's most famous bodyguard-for-hire who used to be a warrior king before his kingdom succumbed to disease, ...and Minsc. You gotta have a Minsc.
Famous Monsters: Dungeons and Dragons infamously has a 'kill on sight' policy for most monsters. So all of these monsters need to have a good reason for why they're both famous and alive. This means that they should have a lot of panache. Famous monsters would be characters like Dunkelzahn and Grendel.
Public Domain Characters: This one is so important that it will actually get a section.
Public Domain characters
We discussed earlier that Dungeons and Dragons is a bigass fantasy crossover. So once you accept that, what's to stop people from meeting Hikari Genji and Lancelot? Answer: nothing at all, really. Yes, it's a little cheesy but D&D isn't exactly what people would call serious business in the first place. Now while I don't think that every campaign should have people meeting Enkidu down at Bloody Mountains a lot of people would like to have the option.
If you are going to go this route then you need to determine what spectrum of iconics you need to support so there isn't too much overlap (and thus wasted space). King Arthur and Dracula are pretty much always on the short list. So is Perseus and Hercules.
I'm not going to come up with a big list of iconic characters. I do think it would be fun to come up with a list of them and then pare it down to the minimum required but I don't think it's necessary.
Come up with a list of organizations.
One cool thing Enemies and Allies did was to group similarly-themed NPCs together. Unfortunately, the book both didn't go far enough and made the groupings too specific. The section for organizations should not be dependent on a certain team of NPCs working together. That's dumb and hard to transplant into your campaign. Rather, organizations should be built on the assumption that any or all of the archetypes are working together. For example:
Blackdagger Company: The Blackdaggers are the largest mercenary guild in the planet. They do will anything, no matter how crooked, if the price is right. They are extremely concerned with secrecy and work through agents so that if a chapter is discovered it will shield the rest of the group. They have members from the Fighter's Stable, Wizard's Guild, and Outlaws. Several Evil Overlords and Religious Leaders routinely use their services. They have the Hard-But-Fair king under blackmail.
Justice Knights: They're religious fanatics of the God of Justice and do whatever they can to fight evil. Some members are a bit more extreme than other but they're all basically good at heart. They have the Ideologues on speed-dial and a couple of Famous Monsters actually on service.
Firemason Crime Family: The Firemasons have but one objective: take over the world. They're all related by blood or by marriage and want to infiltrate all layers of every society. All of the top-ranking Firemasons are extremely trained diplomats, seducers, bribers, etc.. They come to the aid of their brethren unless the source of their troubles is gross incompetence or would reveal the identity of the others. They definitely have members from the Evil Overlord and Religious organizations in it but have some surprises in their ranks, too: their retainers are Lu Bu and Morgana le Fay and have a couple of Rival Adventurers on there. Not everyone who is actually part of the Firemasons agrees with their agenda 100%.
Write NPC-generation charts
Unfortunately, Enemies and Allies' work in this section is amazingly crummy. Their coolest idea is the halfling clean-up crew. There isn't much to criticize the book on this part mostly because they were completely remiss in not doing this section in the first place. But whatever.
Unlike the other sections, you don't actually need to write stats for these guys. Ideally you'll have a robust monster-creation system already for combat stuff and honestly you don't need to spend too much time coming up with detailed backstories for the mooks. At most, you'll need to roll a d20 on the chart to get rough person personality of the patrol's team leader chasing down your party. And here's a secret for NPC generation: all of these characters are based on pre-existing NPCs somewhere, but with appropriate tweaks.
So this section should focus mainly on tables and tweaks. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:
Random Murderers
14: Savagers- A group of heavily scarred, half-naked outlaws who believe in causing as much violence and terror as possible. In battle, they have little regard for their targets, preferring to mow down the defenseless unless directly threatened by someone stronger. All of them have the Power Attack and Cleave feats.
15: Disease Cult- Cultists driven mad by disease, want to take as many people down with them as possible. They do whatever they can to try to infect people in battle with their plague. If they hit with a natural attack or a grapple you risk contracting filth fever.
16: Clean-Up Crew- Someone saw too much and some paranoid secret-holder decided that there's no kill like overkill. They're professional and use good tactics but loathe to leave survivors. They're easily distracted by people fleeing. All of them have significant ranks in Stealth and Track.
17: Deserters- The penalty for deserting the army is death and these people know it, so they're living each day as if it was their last. Since they tend to be conscripts, military training is low but they tend to be well-armed. Preferring to prey on the weak, they don't have much stomach for a pitched battle unless they're cornered. They have the tweaks of the army they're supposed to be in.
Military Legions
6: Blue Dwarven Guard- Fearless, jingoistic dwarves with a deep sense of honor. They wear stone armor with semi-precious gemstones in it, denoting their status as elite redshirts. All of them use glaives, tower shields, and shortswords and prefer to fix in a phalanx formation. They get a +1 bonus to AC and attack for each military-trained and equipped dwarf adjacent to them or in front or behind them.
7: Goblin Outriders- Goblins on worgs! The goblins themselves tend to be lightly armored, carrying only a shield and a wooden lance. The worgs have a spiked faceplate which gives them a +1 bonus to AC. After the goblin charges the worg tries to grapple and pin their prey; the goblin then stabs them from above.
8: Warmages- Low-ranking apprentice mages who have just enough firepower to be better than conscripts. They are dressed in grey robes with black tiger stripes and mostly use long-range blaster spells like Magic Missile. They have high discipline and morale but are not built for protracted combat, tending to follow the lead of their buddies. Every third Warmage carries a scroll of some powerful spell like Lightning Bolt.
And so on.
If you want to come up with a random personality and trait generator (and it's strongly recommend that you do, they're pretty easy and don't take up much space) here is where you would do it, too.
Fleshing out the NPCs
Now remember earlier when we brainstormed a list of NPCs that you might want to transplant into your campaign? Here comes the worst part, actually writing up traits for the NPCs.
Enemies and Allies' best work is in this part of the design process. Though that's not saying a whole lot. They do have a couple of cool ideas so we'll discuss what they did right and what they did wrong.
A: Now our dragon needs a name! Every NPC that is going into this book should either have an easy-to-remember name or a nickname. You should do that for any campaign anyway as a courtesy, but it's especially important here because we know our product is working right when people go 'and then our party got ambushed by Blood Spider and her mercenaries' and other gamers respond 'oh yeah, her, she's a real pain in the neck'. King Ander is an easy name to remember. Blood Spider is also easy to remember. Jara Selarin is not.
B: You have two ways to do stats. You can either tweak pre-existing NPCs like you would do with the mooks or come up with your unique statblock. If you're going to do a unique statblock then it better be unique: as in, can't be easily extrapolated from pre-existing books. Otherwise it's just wasting space. A wizard that specializes in lightning spells (assuming that you don't have an elementalist statblock) is a good enough reason to stat. A gladiator that focuses in smashing things is not. A halfling paladin who fights in tandem with their blink dog is worth statting. A cleric that specializes in healing and radiant energy is not.
C: Now that you have a good statblock, this would be the point where you sexxed it up a little. This is the part where you give the NPC unique magic items, custom feats and powers, or just invest some points in a direction where it wouldn't be obvious. A barbarian-king who dabbled in summoning magic is just more memorable than a barbarian who wields a bigass sword. Even if you decided to generate NPCs by the tweaking method you would still want to load up on your unique spoon here.
D: The hardest but most rewarding part, coming up with motivations and personality. I was going to post some sample descriptions and backstories from the book itself to analyze what the book did right, but you know what? These things tend to be four to six paragraphs long. So that should tell you where the book went wrong already. So here are some guidelines to this thing.
First of all, try as hard as you can not to tie the character down to a specific feature of a campaign. A little bit unfortunately is necessary; if you're going to have Dracula as an NPC you're going to need a hidey-hole. But you do not need to specify that the stronghold is located deep in the forest or that it is in catacombs deep underneath the city or that he prefers temperate climates. Do not describe your character as a 'gladiator', since if the campaign doesn't have bloodsports then the NPC is useless. Describe your character as a 'warrior showboat', which means that this character could be a gladiator but also a skald, a swashbuckler, or even a jester.
Now for personality. This is where you want to get as weird as possible while still making the character plausible, if not relatable on some level. That's why people shelled out money for this book. It's fine to make a character's role in the story archetypical, but making their personality archetypical is just inexcusable. Here's an example of a bad NPC:
Holy cow (heh heh) that is a waste. Now while it's short and punchy unlike a lot of characters' in that miserable book, it's also not very descriptive. There's a grain of a good story in there, that of a monster who wants to be more than his stereotype, but that's all there is to the character. Here's how I would rewrite it.Draganoth, Minotaur Mage page 28: wrote: Brilliant by minotaur standards, Draganoth is a rarity in the world. Being superior to other creatures of his breed, he feels that he has been chosen for greatness. He is angered by the way minotaurs are treated but at the same time is frustrated by the loutish nature of his own kin. They are little more than brutes to him, to be used as servants, but he distrusts the humanoid races.
...
He wishes to increase his magical ability, with the goal of commanding his people against those who would otherwise eradicate them. He trades magic items for spells to add to his spellbook, altohough he does not fully trust non-minotaurs. He respects strength and power of others, however.
E: Artwork. You actually really want artwork in the book. If done right it saves space and gets people into the mood. You don't really need to spend a lot of time describing stuff if you can just show people a nice sketch or, better yet, a color picture.Draganoth, Minotaur Mage wrote: Draganoth's self-loathing of his brutish kind gives him a complex towards them and non-minotaurs. Draganath hamhandedly imitates upper-class culture, down to his infamous lust for non-minotaur women. He is motormouthed and overly loquacious, though his booming voice counteracts this effect. Draganoth's familiar is a severed troll hand with a playful, mischievous personality. Very bad with money; Draganath is in deep with criminal elements and this causes him a lot of grief both with said elements and with associates.
Come up with a list of plot hooks.
The last but certainly not least of the missed opportunities by Enemies and Allies. Yes, they do introduce some ways for NPCs to get involved but they're not exactly compelling. The plot hooks are buried within NPC descriptions; they should be completely neutral to the printed NPCs altogether.
For example:
That is dumb. There is no need to put that in there. Instead, it should be a plot hook like this.Gartha the Red, page 31: wrote: Gartha is likely to be hired by someone seeking vengeance against the PCs. That someone has to make it worth her while, though.
Assassination: Standard motivations can include money, but more personal ones are preferred; for example, they want to stave off a prophecy by the PCs or they are the relative of a mook the PCs killed. The assassin can be the one directly wanting the PCs' death or they can be a proxy for someone else, who may have motivations of their own. For example, Draganoth is forced to perform a hit attempt on the PCs because Duke Goldd is threatening his family. Duke Goldd wants to prey on a PC's wife.
It's generic enough to be applicable to most games but also has the ability for some customization. Instead of Draganath performing the assassination, it could just as easily be Grinning Gwenwyn, a beautiful young necromancer who killed off a PC's family long ago for sport and she is chomping at the bit to finish the job.