The Gaming Den

Jones soda has created a line of D&D sodas, with flavours including:

• Potion of Healing
• Sneak Attack
• Bigby's Crushing Thirst Destroyer
• Dwarven Draught
• Eldritch Blast
• Illithid Brain Juice

If you order a case, you also get a Drow Assassin mini.

the Magic the Gathering sodas didn't particularly grab me by the wallet, but these... I may have to get a case of these...

Funny, I'd always imagined a potion of healing not having any bite or fizz and going down smooth. Sort of like one of those super-creamy milkshake things they sell at the grocery stores.

One group I gamed with in Melbourne had cure potions taste like orange juice. I assume a potion of Haste would taste like Red Eye (Red Bull can get fucked).

Mmm... Polar Ray milkshake...

I always thought a potion of healing was the small round shaped bottle of Orangina.

Ew, just looking at that is giving me heartburn.

Prak_Anima wrote:Jones soda has created a line of D&D sodas, with flavours including:

• Potion of Healing
• Sneak Attack
• Bigby's Crushing Thirst Destroyer
• Dwarven Draught
• Eldritch Blast
• Illithid Brain Juice

If you order a case, you also get a Drow Assassin mini.

the Magic the Gathering sodas didn't particularly grab me by the wallet, but these... I may have to get a case of these...

New 3.5 character idea: Halfling Hurler Jones Soda salesman.

"When I want to fvcking kill people, I do it with Jones Sneak Attack Soda. You don't have to be a part of the Wish Economy to afford or enjoy it's great taste and smooth finish. Now in Eldritch Blast flavor!"

I can review these things as soon as they arrive at my doorstep.

Obviously, this can only end well.

You must not have tasted Jones' holiday flavors, Artless.

They have defined their market not by making things at all based on anyone's taste, but instead the pictures on the bottles. At least when I taste some horrible other soda, I can be assuaged that somewhere someone enjoyed the wretched thing. Case in point: Bawl's soda.

-Crissa

There are also Health and Mana Potion Energy drinks. Look pretty cool until you see the photos of people drinking them and realise you are paying 20 bucks for a 6-pack of seriously tiny bottles. What a ripoff.

Note to self, next level try to increase wisdom stat. I just realized that the potion of healing is "sugar free." That is just so wrong on many levels.

Indeed. That is lame.

Note to self, make next character demand only diet potions and biodegradable oils. Gotta diminish my arcane footprint.

Maxus wrote:Funny, I'd always imagined a potion of healing not having any bite or fizz and going down smooth. Sort of like one of those super-creamy milkshake things they sell at the grocery stores.

A creamy milkshake thing? I know we are role players but I sure can't "imagine" or recall any medicine that isn't foul-tasting and I would most definitely call this little bottle of hit points and maybe broken bones is most definitely Medicine.

So it should be as foul-tasting and smelling as cough syrup.

Of course, if we had any marketers in D&D-land, they would make it taste like Ale.

Liquid antibiotics tend to be pretty nice.

The Health and Mana bottles contain the same stuff as in the 6-hour energy drinks - a shot of liquid B-vitamins. Of course they're spendy.

-Crissa

A_Cynic wrote:I know we are role players but I sure can't "imagine" or recall any medicine that isn't foul-tasting and I would most definitely call this little bottle of hit points and maybe broken bones is most definitely Medicine.

Panadol (paracetamol/acetaminophen) for kids tasted nice. It was a red watery liquid and I can't really explain the taste, but it was pleasant, in a weird way. Closest thing I've had to it since the age of 8? would be Red Eye (Classic), but that's only a bit like it.

I think I've had some not-terrible cough syrups in my time, too. Back when I regularly had coughs and didn't know that, like everything else, codeine fixes that.

A_Cynic wrote:A creamy milkshake thing? ...

Going back to my original idea an Orange Julius would be nice. Depending on how authentic you want it to be just mix OJ and milk and add a dash of vanillia extract.

A_Cynic wrote:Of course, if we had any marketers in D&D-land, they would make it taste like Ale.

You know, I could really go into length about matching potions to beer/ale types. I think healing would be a "stout." Then we can go into the porters, ales, and eventually the wheat beers.


P.S. I got interrupted and totally forgot. While it's probably older than anyone around here there is always the dreaded Cod Liver Oil as the universal cure all to give to your kids. Well at least it prevented them from wanting to fake an illness.

tzor wrote:Cod Liver Oil

EVIL! I remember this from my childhood. Also if a Potion of healing ought to be any sort of beer then it ought to be dark black Lager. Guiness if any. Good and bad at the same time.

I'd prefer something smooth and soft, like an unfiltered hefeweizen. No bitter aftertaste.

-Crissa

Crissa wrote:I'd prefer something smooth and soft, like an unfiltered hefeweizen. No bitter aftertaste.

-Crissa

There is a unfiltered hefeweizen from Harpoon (Maine & Vermont) called "UFO" (Un-Filtered Offering) that is out of this world.

If we're going with potions tasting like alcoholic drinks, I think I'd rather my healing potions taste like one of those fruit flavoured smirnoffs... not a big beer drinker myself (though guiness is good.)

See, I consider potions to taste exceptionally foul, but there's only about a shot worth of liquid in it. Kind of like a highly concentrated herbal taste.

C'mon, Count, can't we dream, rather than the harsh cherry-flavored reality?

-Crissa

You can dream as long as your dreams don't interfere with my dreams.

I would start off by saying that I'm experiencing some significant buyer's remorse, now that the sodas have finally arrived, but that would be irresponsible of me. I should own up to the fact that I knew that, of course, these sodas would just be typical Jones soda fare. Still, I feel its only right of me to express an amount of disappointment that what actually arrived at my feet was merely an astonishingly boring set of soda flavors with the silly 4th Edition artwork printed on the bottles' wraparound.

But I should admit fault where appropriate; I should have expected this outcome rather than have continued entertaining hopes that I'd receive a bundle of winners from our good friends at the Commission for Continual Human Suffering. What I got made me weep, but not in the way I had thought I was paying for.

Where is the great, shining bottle of ambrosia that was the Mashed Potatoes and Butter soda of yesteryear? The Turkey and Gravy? I demand that my rather niche lifestyle be reflected not only in the manner of wares I purchase, but also the kind of beverage I consume. Certainly I could lower myself and drink the sodas of my fellows, but my soul would hurt for the act. Would I be satisfied, being forced to sully my palate with such base flavors as Apple, Grape or Cola, as I have been tricked into purchasing? What manner of world is this where a man may observe a drink such as "Sneak Attack," and not be rewarded for his adventurous tastes with some alien delight?

Unlike everything that Wizards dips their inky claws into nowadays, this partnership has not left a bad taste in my mouth, and that's actually what's disappointing.