The Art of Insults
Posted: Wed Mar 17, 2010 1:52 am
Now, I realize that places such as this, and the Internet in general, are rife with disagreements. These disagreements can get quite vociferous. However, it is polite to exhibit some courtesy when you are busy pointing out that someone is a sub-sapient blowhard. We are a people of etiquette and decency. There are rules, you moronic nitwit, to follow, if you wish for your insult to be appreciated for its qualities.
First, and foremost, your insult must be topical. While merely accusing someone of lacking the intellectual capabilities of a genius such as yourself is a good starting point, you need to relate this to their inability to see eye to eye with you. Accordingly, rather than merely fling a torrent of insults in their general direction, take precise aim at what they have done to earn such bile. Otherwise, no one is going to be able to place your insult in context, and without that they may not, frankly, care about you screeching like the baboon you are. Gentleman or lady baboon, that is.
Second, and related to the first, is that you need to focus on their character, of course. If someone is being evil, then the comparison to Hitler can certainly follow. If they are being stupid, then you can relate them to George W. Bush. If they are both, then perhaps an analogy to Dick Cheney or some other character might be in line. But if you do not first pay close enough attention, you will not be capable of making such comparisons, and your addle-headed demeanor will demonstrate that you are about as effective in a conversation as someone playing darts blindfolded. While drunk.
Thie third is most important, however. There are many qualities of someone's life that are mostly decided by nature, or the cruelty of the world. Their socioeconomic standing, for instance, is off-limits unless you want to show the world what a churlish knave you are. Likewise, the many things that a person has had decided for them by nature, such as being a man, woman, both, neither, black skin, white skin, blue skin, sleeps with women, sleeps with men, sleeps with aliens, sleeps with predators, red hair, black hair, indigo hair, brown hair, blonde hair, prismatic hair, or otherwise. As we all know, intelligence can be found in much great abundance in creatures other than your blithering species, and any given phenotype is lucky if it even meets par with a dog's brain. As such, it's not worth comment, and the only reason to mention it is to try to make an exceedingly low-class insult, which stings only because it wastes their time to read it. If you do not observe this restriction, then your input is worth no more than that of a demented syphilitic toad.
As we can see, there are many points to the craft of insults that must be observed in order to make them worthwhile and give your barb true venom. Without, we descend to the level of myopic marsupials giving a bad name to our species by artlessly ejaculating our ire over internet forums, messengers, and sites. I hope these rules of decorum have been explained sufficiently for your malformed monkey brain.
First, and foremost, your insult must be topical. While merely accusing someone of lacking the intellectual capabilities of a genius such as yourself is a good starting point, you need to relate this to their inability to see eye to eye with you. Accordingly, rather than merely fling a torrent of insults in their general direction, take precise aim at what they have done to earn such bile. Otherwise, no one is going to be able to place your insult in context, and without that they may not, frankly, care about you screeching like the baboon you are. Gentleman or lady baboon, that is.
Second, and related to the first, is that you need to focus on their character, of course. If someone is being evil, then the comparison to Hitler can certainly follow. If they are being stupid, then you can relate them to George W. Bush. If they are both, then perhaps an analogy to Dick Cheney or some other character might be in line. But if you do not first pay close enough attention, you will not be capable of making such comparisons, and your addle-headed demeanor will demonstrate that you are about as effective in a conversation as someone playing darts blindfolded. While drunk.
Thie third is most important, however. There are many qualities of someone's life that are mostly decided by nature, or the cruelty of the world. Their socioeconomic standing, for instance, is off-limits unless you want to show the world what a churlish knave you are. Likewise, the many things that a person has had decided for them by nature, such as being a man, woman, both, neither, black skin, white skin, blue skin, sleeps with women, sleeps with men, sleeps with aliens, sleeps with predators, red hair, black hair, indigo hair, brown hair, blonde hair, prismatic hair, or otherwise. As we all know, intelligence can be found in much great abundance in creatures other than your blithering species, and any given phenotype is lucky if it even meets par with a dog's brain. As such, it's not worth comment, and the only reason to mention it is to try to make an exceedingly low-class insult, which stings only because it wastes their time to read it. If you do not observe this restriction, then your input is worth no more than that of a demented syphilitic toad.
As we can see, there are many points to the craft of insults that must be observed in order to make them worthwhile and give your barb true venom. Without, we descend to the level of myopic marsupials giving a bad name to our species by artlessly ejaculating our ire over internet forums, messengers, and sites. I hope these rules of decorum have been explained sufficiently for your malformed monkey brain.
