Help me make a bard that doesn't make me drink.

[Prak]

So, while we, as a group, are trying to avoid it, it's possible that I will eventually need to retire my drow wizard in my (supposed to be) weekly D&D game. He's NE, not shy about eating sentients, and only refraining from using too obviously evil spells because he's trying to not piss off the paladin and favoured soul of bahamut he's adventuring with. Fortunately, the campaign world's ex-dragon drow goddess of vermin and secrets is cloaking his alignment from the paladin. Despite that, it may just get too stifling.

So I've been thinking of backup characters. I'm tempted to run a CG Paladin of Freedom based on Robin Hood, except that, instead of merry men and stealing from the rich, he has hookers and pimps to the rich. This is partially because I want to troll my uptight "prostitution is always exploitative, one way if not both" paladin-playing friend.

But, there is always something appealing to me about the concept of the bard. I often get the urge to play a character who carries a guitar (and maybe a ukelele), and stabs schmucks in the face with the power of RAWK. And possibly dispels evil and such.

Unfortunately, the bard... doesn't really do that. And that makes me sad. I feel this will probably require a custom magic item that fires sonic blasts and such.

However, I've noticed that the bard got a good bit of love in Eberron, strangely enough, and in a few other places. We have a fairly liberal dm, he just wants to see stuff before we drag it into his game.
There are a few custom races for the setting, which can be found here.

So... suggestions? As long as my character is not completely relegated to standing in the background and playing "stab, stab, stab the fuckers in the face!" to buff his party, but can actually, well, shred faces with his music, I'll be happy. Even if this means I'm playing someone who isn't actually a bard, just uses magic music, and I get to mix Blues Brothers, Jack Black's wet dreams, the Lyre of Orpheus (Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds), Scott Pilgrim, Six String Samurai, and (as I literally just now realized is my biggest inspiration for this kind of character) Lord Raptor from Darkstalkers. Just, um, you know, not horribly, horribly evil.

[OgreBattle]

Why not be a wizard who carries a guitar?

[Prak]

Conceivably workable, especially with less LA (protip, playing a drow wizard sucks. Even when everyone else also has LA). Might resort to that.

[Korgan0]

There have been a bunch of Tome bards, but I'm not sure if any of them are any good, or if your DM will admit them.

Barring that, there are a couple good things you can do with a bard. One way is to get Dragonfire Inspiration and Snowflake Wardance and be a gish; you're not going to be excellent but with enough stacking of Inspire Courage bonuses and whatever other stuff you want you can do pretty good damage, and you'll have a little bit of utility.

Otherwise, you can go Sublime Chord and basically be a wizard chucking around high-level spells, which might be more to your taste.

[Avoraciopoctules]

ROCK STAR
"Axel? Never heard of him.”

D&D is considered to be fucking METAL already, so honestly, does it surprise you to discover that you can be an actual rock star? These are the people that take their music to a whole new level – the level of causing actual damage and rocking out with your allies in full form. You get a number one best-selling album three weeks running and have your own groupies, too.

Requirements:
Skills: Knowledge (Architecture and Engineering) 4 ranks, Perform 8 ranks

Hit Die: d8
Skill Points: 4 + Intelligence Bonus

Weapon and Armour Proficiency: The Rock Star is proficient with musical instruments, generally treating them as improvised weapons except without any nonproficiency penalties.

Level	Fort	Ref	Will	Special
1	+2	+2	+0	Spellcasting, I’m Louder, Bad Cover
2	+3	+3	+0	Instrumental Solo, It Goes to Eleven!
3	+3	+3	+1	Battlesong, Lovely Pop Song
4	+4	+4	+1	Natural Frequency
5	+4	+4	+1	Groupies!
6	+5	+5	+2	Laser Light Show
7	+5	+5	+2	Call Security
8	+6	+6	+2	Sonic Boom!
9	+6	+6	+3	Smoke Machine, Crowd Surfer
10	+7	+7	+3	Theme Music

Spellcasting:

Level:	Cantrips	Level 1	Level 2	Level 3	Level 4
1	At Will	0	-	-	-
2	At Will	1	-	-	-
3	At Will	1	0	-	-
4	At Will	1	1	-	-
5	At Will	1	1	0	-
6	At Will	1	1	1	-
7	At Will	2	1	1	0
8	At Will	2	1	1	1
9	At Will	2	2	1	1
10	At Will	2	2	2	1

Spellcasting: the Rock Star has access to his own Spell List, and automatically knows all spells on the list. He casts his spells Spontaneously, the DC for all spells is 10 + half his hit dice + his Charisma modifier, and he gets bonus spells per day based on his Charisma. Also, the caster level is equal to his hit dice.

I’m Louder (Ex): with an Immediate action, the Rock Star may make an opposed level check to counter an opponent’s [Sonic] effect (including any effect that deals Sonic damage).

Bad Cover (Su): with a Standard action, a Rock Star may play an instrument or sing. Everyone within 5’ per Perform rank must make a Will Save (DC 10 + half ranks in that Perform skill + Charisma) or be Sickened. This is a [Sonic][Mind Affecting] effect and lasts as long as the character keeps performing, plus two rounds.

Instrumental Solo (Sp): starting at second level, the Rock Star may spend a Standard action performing to fascinate targets, just like the Bard ability. The DC is Charisma-based.

It Goes to Eleven! (Su): with a Standard action, a second-level Rock Star may make a 30’ cone [Sonic] attack that deals 1d6 Sonic damage per hit die, with a Fortitude Save for half (Charisma-based). This damage does not ignore Hardness, but the damage is not halved before Hardness is applied.

Battlesong (Su): with a Move-Equivalent action to activate and a Swift action to sustain each round, the third level Rock Star may grant all allies (including himself) a Morale bonus to attack rolls equal to his Charisma bonus, and a Morale bonus of +2d6 to all weapon damage.

Lovely Pop Song (Sp): at third level, the Rock Star can play a song so nice that it moves people to tears. He may cast Torrent of Tears at will (Charisma-based).

Natural Frequency (Su): at level four, the Rock Star may use an Immediate action to make a ranged touch attack out to 50 feet. If successful, it deals 2d6 Sonic damage, plus his hit dice, plus his Charisma modifier.

Groupies! (Ex): at fifth level, the Rock Star has attracted a hardcore following, and gains Command as a bonus feat. If he already has Command, he may take any other [Leadership] feat.

Laser Light Show (Su): with a Free action once per round, the sixth-level Rock Star can cause laser beams to shoot onto the ground from the sky (or really, the lighting display team) in a weird pattern. The area is a seven square 2-3-2 effect (like a level 7 version of a spell in Disgaea), starting adjacent to the Rock Star. Each creature in the area must make a Reflex Save (DC 10 + half his ranks in Knowledge: Architecture and Engineering + his Intelligence bonus) or take 2d4 Light damage.

Call Security (Sp): at level seven, the Rock Star may cast Bigby’s Forceful Hand at will.

Sonic Boom! (Sp): starting at level eight, the Rock Star may use a Standard action to create a 20’ radius burst anywhere in Medium range, dealing 1d6 Sonic damage per hit die with a Fortitude Save for half (Charisma-based).

Smoke Machine (Sp): the ninth-level Rock Star can cast Obscuring Mist at will.

Crowd Surfer (Ex): starting at level nine, the Rock Star can move through occupied squares at no penalty, and without provoking Attacks of Opportunity.

Theme Music (Su): once per minute, the tenth-level Rock Star can use a Standard action to create a 50’ (ten square) zig-zag effect, dealing 2d6 Sonic damage per hit die, with a Fortitude Save for half (Charisma-based).

Rock Star Spell List:
Cantrips: Prestidigitation, Dancing Lights, Ghost Sound, Summon Instrument, Lullaby
1st Level: Disguise Self, Silent Image, Ventriloquism, Magic Mouth, Tasha’s Hideous LaughterCheering
2nd Level: Charm Person, Mirror Image, Calm Emotions, Shatter, Pyrotechnics
3rd Level: Suggestion, Major Image, Crushing Despair, Good Hope, Enthral
4th Level: Charm Monster, Song of Discord, Otto’s Irresistible Dance, Sympathetic Vibration, Haste

[koz]

Just gonna leave this here, as free advertising for my wiki-bro Cid.

[Prak]

I should mention that anything fan-made, and especially Tome, is unlikely to be approved.

[koz]

In that case, what books are you allowed? This might help narrow down a build or something.

[Prak]

Basically, if it's in a book, I should be able to use it. It's just non-published stuff that is likely to get someone's panties in a bunch.

[Grek]

The whole "not completely relegated to standing in the background and playing" thing says to me that you have some misconceptions on how Bardic Music works. So here's a quick rundown:
-You get one "use" of bardic music per level of bard. Various abilities cost different numbers of "uses", but most use just one.
-Fascinate, Inspire Competence and Song of Freedom require 1 standard action per round to maintain them. These are the "stand there in the background" music effects.
-Suggestion isn't even a bardic music effect. It just gives you Suggestion as an at will SLA which only works on things fascinated with you. Yes, the idea is that you use it with the Fascinate bardic music, but Hypnosis or other fascination effects work just fine.
-Countersong, Inspire Courage, Inspire Greatness and Inspire Heroics require one standard action to activate and a free action every round afterward to maintain. These let you do stuff while you're barding it up.
-There's a short list of things that you can't do while doing bardic music: activate wands, staffs, command word items or cast spells. Attack actions, directing summoned creatures, dismissing spells, feinting, intimidation, touch attacks for previously cast spells, flasks, potions, and use activated items work just fine.
-The spellcasting restriction goes away if you take the Melodic Casting feat. You should do so. The other option is a Harmonizing Weapon, but
-There are a bunch of feats that give you new bardic music abilities. Most of them are shit and should not be taken. There are some exceptions:
-The Dragonfire Inspiration feat replaces the +X to attack/damage rolls you get from Inspire Courage with +Xd6 energy damage on all attacks. Take that Dragontouched race your DM made up, grab as many bonuses to Inspire Courage as you can get and take the Snowflake Wardance (lets you add your charisma modifier to attack rolls) feat to make yourself into an OK gish.
-Your other option is to take the Sublime Chord prestige class, which lets you poach spells off the Wizard list, and then take Lyric Spell (lets you convert Bardic Music into spell slots) and Metamagic Song (negate metamagic costs by burning bardic music) and essentially become a music themed Wizard.

[rasmuswagner]

What level are we looking at?

[RobbyPants]

I don't have any specific bard information, but regarding his races:

There are a few custom races for the setting, which can be found here.

Don't use them. One gets a Cha bonus and has LA +1, and the other two get a Cha penalty (because "their appearance is unsettling", so they don't cast spontaneous arcane spells as well).

On a related note, I was reading his Lorren race, and actually thinking they'd make a decent wizard and a pretty good druid. Then I got to the favored class...

Small size, -2 Str, favored class: barbarian. Ha!

[OgreBattle]

How about the Cleric of a musical god. You hit people with your ukelele for 1d8 blunt damage.

[fectin]

Beguiler with ranks in perform is probably good.

[zugschef]

warmage6/prestige bard2/xyz
(get perform via the skill knowledge feat, for instance)

[Winnah]

Celebrant of Sharess can be entered at 5th level. From PGtF, pretty much an exalted pimp/madam. It need a couple of exalted feats and ranks in Diplomacy and Perform for entry.

Mechanically...it has some good abilities, like Pounce, Rage, Minor Spellcasting and some spell-like abilities worth getting, such as an at-will Sanctuary effect that uses perform checks for the save DC. You probably won't see the majority of these abilities if the campaign does not have a long life, but they are worth noting.

Not the greatest PrC, but with a charisma focus, you may be able to shore up any major shortcoming of the class with Leadership (which will also net you a string of exalted hedonists).

[RobbyPants]

Beguiler with ranks in perform is probably good.

I didn't even think of that, but I'd second the notion.

[JigokuBosatsu]

I used this character concept in a short-lived Tome game: disgraced samurai disguised as a Komuso priest. Uses a huge shakuhachi flute as a blunt weapon, plays it poorly.

[Orion]

Here's a thought: Have you considered not choosing to game with people you know you disagree with about ethical questions, and then deliberately forcing the issue repeatedly until you destory the group's social cohesion? I mean, honestly. If your feelings about prostitution are so strong that you can't agree to disagree and get on with the game, you shouldn't be in that game.

[Chamomile]

Which is why us making him a decent Bard to play is a rather commendable goal, since that is the character he is considering which won't intentionally mess with party cohesion.

[codeGlaze]

Fucking with your friends can be infinitely amusing.
Of course that's completely reliant on your friends.

Anyway, I second this.

-Your other option is to take the Sublime Chord prestige class, which lets you poach spells off the Wizard list, and then take Lyric Spell (lets you convert Bardic Music into spell slots) and Metamagic Song (negate metamagic costs by burning bardic music) and essentially become a music themed Wizard.

Primarily because it seems that Prak likes the boom.

[Krusk]

How about bard 1/Warblade 19 or crusader. Take song of the white raven, and you get all your bardic music bonus but are basically a warblade/crusader. Take extra music for enough uses to do it every encounter. Ask the DM for a custom sword/guitar or Axe.

Gives music magic and decent melee powers. Still is a non-caster though.

[Tumbling Down]

You could be a Rogue dual wielding guitars with shocking burst, thundering instrument blades and stab people to death with the power of rock and roll.

[wotmaniac]

if you wanted to do bard stuff and not actually put ranks in to bard, I'm kinda partial to Heart Fire Fanner from DragMag 314.
You'll need to take the Chaos Music feat, and that vest from MIC that boosts your effective bard level ..... (provided, of course, you don't just take something afterward that also bumps bardic music)

/2cents

[Prak]

Here's a thought: Have you considered not choosing to game with people you know you disagree with about ethical questions, and then deliberately forcing the issue repeatedly until you destory the group's social cohesion? I mean, honestly. If your feelings about prostitution are so strong that you can't agree to disagree and get on with the game, you shouldn't be in that game.

1) Because not playing with this group pretty much means not playing. At best, I'd have a runequest game with a group I like much less. 2)Because it's not a big deal, I just like poking at people and this is a fun concept.

Fucking with your friends can be infinitely amusing.
Of course that's completely reliant on your friends.

Pretty much this. In the setting, the goddess of prostitution is CG, and the GM is more on my side with the alignment and philosophy of prostitution.