The Gaming Den

Well fwends, it's been twenty years since the Blitzwing campaign ended, but here, sixty-two years later, a new campaign has started in the land of Shrapnel, guest-starring that Darth, dude; I'm trippin' balls. It's after midnight and I've taken my horse tranq's and boy am I tired. But that won't stop me from my righteous duty to talk about stuff I do.

Anyway, one of our breeding herd had found a Pokémon D20 called PTA. The game started last weekend, and is quite fun. For the first time, I actually understand what I'm doing, which is really quite rare for me in general.

I promised in the POKYMANZ thread to write up the game in prose format, but then I went ahead and named this thread after a Pokémon mandingo, so now I'm all conflicted-like.

Anyhorse, I can't keep coherency up for much longer, so this is just to let you know to watch space for further physical updates, no?

ELECTRODE HAS ANTENNAE, ANTENNAE I SAY.

OK, so Shrapnel is entirely correct about this game happening.

It's basically a sandbox, taking place in the MC's take on Kanto.

Dramatis Personae


Tsubasa Kurenai: A Ranma character (inexplicably) stuck in the world of Pokemon. Searches for love, relevance and contests. Coordinator played by yours truly.

Kris: A Pokemon character stuck in the world of Pokemon. Searches for the legendary Raikou. Researcher played by Shrapnel.

Johnny Sea-Speaker: The only original character in the lot, a deranged sailor's son with great mental power stuck in the world of Pokemon. Searches for minds to mess around with. Psychic played by someone who doesn't post here.

The First Session

So these three are attending a conference in Pewter City, upon which Professor Oak, who is basically Master Roshi in this, each gives them a starter. Tsubasa gets Shikkusunaito the Ralts, Kris gets Archie the Growlithe, and Johnny gets Inner Dreams the Gastly. Tsubasa also tries to get a restraining order on Professor Oak, because:

(By SirPaahdin, who also did Ville's Emerald Nuzlocke, which will be of great importance when explaining the next session.)

So afterwards, our heroes get into a practice battle with a really weird trainer named Dwayne Johnson, proving without a doubt that the MC can't run a game without making The Rock references. After defeating his Aron "Cutey Pie" and his Pikachu "Peekaboo" our heroes head off to Mt. Moon. On the way Tsubasa captures R.O.U.S. the Rattata, Kris captures Rat's Ass the Rattata, and Johnny captures Yellow Eyes the Pidove. That afternoon Tsubasa allegedly sees an Igglybuff and our heroes go off to find a nest of sleeping ones. Thus Tsubasa acquires Pepito, Kris That Jigglypuff From The Anime, and Johnny Puffball. The session ends with the day, and everyone sets off to camp with their new Pokemon.

Next up: Rivalry. But first: Contests!

EDIT: since some pictures are not showing up I replaced them.

Fuck this iPad, fuck the Internet, just fuck everything .

Session 2: Electric Pikachu Boogaloo Where There is Much Ado

(Hey, if Shrapnel can make a manga reference, so can I!)

Note: this session is rather hard to place into the narrative of the campaign since it was done as a beta test for Contests, rather than a game. Also, although Johnny's player wasn't there, it's been retconned that Johnny was. When asked, the MC stated that it was because of Celebi time travel shenanigans somehow. Works for me. Also, we named our own rivals, a la the games.

Pewter is holding a Practice Contest, similar in vein to the Practice Battle with Dwayne Johnson. Tsubasa and Kris decide to attend: the former since bitches love them contests, and the latter because she wants to study how people and Pokemon interact or something like that. Four participants are announced: two are Tsubasa and Kris, and the latter two are their soon-to-be rivals!

Enter Star Rivals

These two people are Ville Vitkig (Kris' rival, from Ville's Emerald Nuzlocke, linked above) and Abdul the Butcher (Tsubasa's rival... I told you the next rival in a Pokemon game I played would be named after that guy from Seas of Blood!) Ville is more or less as he is in the comic which he was named after, although Abdul is completely different from his gamebook namesake. First of all, since my MC is a douche, he used my avatar as Abdul's picture. Tsubasa and Abdul's absurd, amazing disguises fool each other - at least at first. Each finds out that the other is male, and a brief catfight ensues. Tsubasa calms down first, and offers his hand in friendship, since it's hard to find people who share his hobby. This works about as well as it did in Ranma results in Abdul angrily telling Tsubasa that it's different in his case. Apparently if Abdul completes the Contest circuit while in drag he'll win a free sundae. One of those really big sundaes that are made for like 10 people. Kris and Ville have apparently met before, and Kris is mad at him for beating the shit out of her in a battle or something. Figures.

The Contest

Professors Oak, Elm, and Birch are judging this Cute Contest.

Tsubasa sends out Pepito, the Relaxed male Igglybuff.
Kris sends out That Jigglypuff From The Anime, the Stark female Igglybuff.
Ville sends out Sture, the Rash male Torchic.
Abdul sends out his Charmander, whose name and gender I forget, and whose Nature wasn't mentioned one way or the other.

Sture keeps on using Ember on Birch, resulting in the professor getting burned (and Ville losing points.)
Abdul wisely has his Charmander not set people on fire, and has it Growl and Tail Whip. And keeps this up for most of the contest.
Kris tries to get That Jigglypuff From The Anime to flashdance, but this fails miserably. However, the failure is considered really cute, and so it gets a fair amount of points. Then follows with Charm and Sing.
Tsubasa has Pepito imitate a Slow Loris, which works really well. Also follows with Charm and Sing, as these are the only two moves that either Igglybuff knows.

Tsubasa ends up winning by a lot (Voltage FTW,) Abdul gets second place, Kris third, (Kris and Abdul nearly tie) and Ville last (also by a lot, since setting people on fire is a criminal offense.) Pepito gets shitloads of XP, and Tsubasa gets fat stacks of cash. The session ends here.

Next up: Rival Battles! But first: Mt. Moon.

Every time I see this thread title, my first thought is a game where the players take the role of bunch of middle-aged members of the Parent Teacher Association, using their deadly pet monsters to help secure their school district's art funding.

That would be awesome.

Now, it is time for me to strike, because I am not on my iPad and thus cannot fail to fuck up.

One thing Darth forgot to mention about the first time we all caught Pokémon was that I was originally the one who targeted the Pidove, and that I was the one who did most of the work on weakening it.

So, I had just weakened it to the point that I could easily catch it with a Pokéball, and all I had to do was to wait until my turn came again.

But, what does that bastard Johnny Sea-Speaker do on his turn? Catch my fucking Pidove right out from under me. Mother fucking dick.

Anyway, this lead to a rule being passed that made it so that if a player targets and declares a specific Pokémon they are going to catch, then only that player can catch that Pokémon. Other players can help by weakening it, but they cannot capture it for themselves.

Darth wrote:Kris and Ville have apparently met before, and Kris is mad at him for beating the shit out of her in a battle or something. Figures.

The backstory I had planned in my mind-brain was this:

Before Kris left for Kanto, she encountered a trainer by the name of Ville in Cherrygrove City. Ville challenged Kris, then a brand-new trainer just beginning her journey, to a battle, and she lost BIG TIME. Since then, Kris has vowed revenge, and hopes to become powerful enough to (metaphorically) destroy Ville .

Later I'll do more of her backstory.


Character Sheet:

Kris Kotone, Professor of Mystery
Class: Researcher/Petrologist
Level: 3
Hit Points: 68/68
Money: 2,500
Inventory: 3x Pokéballs, x1 Aguav Berry, 1x Rations, 1x Tyrogue Egg, 1x Whismur Egg, 3x Action Points, Trainers Road Kit, Super Rod
Pokémon: Archie (Growlithe, M, Lv. 11), Rats Ass (Rattata, F, Lv. 9), That Jigglypuff From The Anime (Igglybuff, F, Lv. 10), Whimser (Whismur, F, Lv. 10), Satoshi Tajiri (Poliwag, Lv. 12)

Session III: Shit Gets Weird(er)

(Note: all images of NPCs are what the MC himself used. Also, forgot to note that Pepito evolved into a Jigglypuff as a result of winning the Contest. Finally, Abdul's Charmander was named Dr. Charien.)

Our heroes finally arrive at Mt. Moon. First off they visit the Pokemon Center. While there, they encounter a strange, almost absurdly masculine woman. She introduces herself as Patty Johnson, the brother-sister of Dwayne Johnson. We find out that apparently there are four Johnson Brothers (one of which is actually a masculine sister.) Patty Johnson tells our heroes that she is an expert Breeder, and can get two Pokemon to produce offspring by simply ordering them to mate. Things get heated when the party starts to introduce themselves, as Patty insists that Tsubasa is either gay or a pervert. Tsubasa insists that he's neither. Patty, and even Johnny and Kris cast their doubts on this. A frustrated Tsubasa tells Patty that she should shut her ugly face. The combat music starts playing.

Battling With Patty, Getting More Pokemon

Before things can get worse, Patty offers a Triple Battle to let off some steam, which our heroes take up. Patty gets two kids who she just gave and hatched some Eggs for to test out their new Pokemon, and sends out one from the same litter that she kept for herself. The kids are a brother-sister team, and the sister is creepy as fuck. Like the kind that is a possessed child in a horror movie creepy. All three end up sending out Tyrogues, one of which knows Rock Slide and uses it to KO each Pokemon that our heroes first sent out. However, they manage to defeat Patty and the kids' Pokemon with their second choices. Patty, impressed with our heroes' skills, offers each a Tyrogue Egg.

After this battle, our heroes head off to the inside of Mt. Moon. Kris manages to catch a Poliwag by fishing inside the caves there, and names it Satoshi Tajiri. After this, everyone decides to try catching Pokemon by befriending them first. This takes a while, but after Tsubasa and Kris feed and pet a Cleffa and Whismur respectively, and Johnny starts telekinetically playing with his keys for some Zubats that bite him, each manages to befriend a Pokemon enough to catch them. Tsubasa gets Clever Girl the Cleffa, Kris Whimser the Whismur, and Johnny Imp the Zubat. Whimser also gives Kris a Whismur Egg.

Rival Battles, or Shit Gets Really Weird

On their way out, our heroes encounter their rivals. Abdul the Butcher and Ville Vitkig are there, but they are now accompanied by . . . a doll? The doll, apparently being harassed by Sture (Ville's Torchic,) insists that "No means no more for Elmo!" This is no doll, but ELMO OMLE! Elmo was once a Trainer like our heroes, but then she took a psychic curse to the knee. Sabrina turned her into a doll and her brother freaked out and ran off, messing up the curse and causing it to turn her into a deranged animate doll. She freaks out when she realizes Johnny is a Psychic, as she hates all Psychics after her accident.

Another Triple Battle ensues, and this one is far lengthier and more consistently difficult. Because of this, it was actually a bit rushed in the end. Our heroes had the advantage, and with the session already running longer than expected, the MC called it a victory for us. And on a similar note, this post took much longer than I expected it to take, so I will conclude this session's report here.

Next up: More Contests! But first: More Battles!

Session IV: Things Get Done

Our heroes return to the Pokemon Center in Mt. Moon. Upon arrival, Panpoot the Tyrogue hatches from Tsubasa's egg. It's the miracle of life! So does Kris' Whismur Egg. After a night of convalescing, in which little rest is gotten because of injured Pokemon being treated, they wake up to find some obnoxious Trainers from Sinnoh, one with each starter. It seems that their Pokemon were the ones in such pain from last night, since their training is brutal. Kris gets pissed and challenges them to a battle. The three are easily dispatched, as they are as poor at battling Pokemon as they are at raising them.

Beating the Shit out of Nidoran

After Kris teaches them the proper care and feeding of Pokemon, our heroes set off again, to head back to Pewter. On the way, they find two people, a man and a boy, being chased by a pack of wild Nidoran. Johnny Sea-Speaker uses Extrasensory (as a Psychic, he can use this personally) on a Nidoran and makes its head explode. Everyone in the party ends up catching one Nidoran of each gender. The man and boy accompany the party, both grateful towards and afraid of the party (well, only really scared by Johnny.)

The Return to Pewter

The man introduces himself as Drew Pickles (although apparently not the meme version.) He offers some Enriched Water and a major discount at his restaurant, and offers everyone some free food for the trip back to Pewter. The other Tyrogue Eggs hatch. Johnny Sea-Speaker gets food poisoning from eating undercooked Caterpie, but everything else is perfect. While Johnny recovers, Kris and Tsubasa go to another Contest in Pewter. This one is actually for realz.

The Contest

Tsubasa and Kris tie for 3rd, behind some random person and ahead of another random person. Apparently they're pros. However, Tsubasa later enters again and wins through a series of lucky Appeal rolls. Clever Girl gains shitloads of XP and evolves. Tsubasa himself also gains a shitload of XP, but does not evolve; instead, he finally plunders the Disguise and Master of Disguise features he has sought for so many levels from Detective and then goes into Fashion Designer. In buying all the gear for these, he uses up all of his prize money. Pepito and Clever Girl breed and produce some Cleffa Eggs, one of which is given to Kris. Kris also buys a Houndour Egg from a Breeder.

(And that's the campaign so far.)

GREETINGS AND. SALUTATIO. NS. FELL. OW. HUM. A.N CARBON. BEASTS.

I AM. WRITING. LIK. E. THI. S BE. CAUSE. I. FEEL. LI. K. E. I. T.

And now I'm not. The wonders of being out of my mind for no reason at all are, like, amazing. Anyway, I am writing this because I feel that this thread is not receiving the due attention that I, Asswipe in Command Me, deserve. Thus, I shall start typing things and hope that some of it (but hopefully not all of it) makes some semblance of sense if you step back and sorta squint.

Anyway, lets start with some backstory on Kris.

Kris Kotone, daughter of Frothgar, son of Thorvald Nlodvisson, the son of Gudleif, half brother of Thorgier, the priest of Ljosa water, who took to wife Thurunn, the mother of Thorkel Braggart, the slayer of Gudmund the powerful, who knew Howal, son of Geernon, son of Erik from Valdalesc, son of Arval Gristlebeard, son of Harken, who killed Bjortguaard in Sochnadale in Norway over Gudreed, daughter of Throkel Long, the son of Kettle-Trout, the half son of Harviyoun Half-troll, father of Ingbare the Brave, who with Isenbert of Gottenberg the daughter of Hangbard the Fierce......

..................................................................................

....I lost my place.

Anyway, Kris Kotone Tchaikowsky, Daughter of Frothgar, was born - on probation - in 1E102 in a Ken Russell film just outside of Ecruteak City, and three weeks later in March. Her father (Leo McKern), a free-lance old poof who wrote tunes, was married to Julie Christie (Julie Christie), a tortured soul who poured her immortal longings into dignified passages of stately music; however, he was secretly deeply in love with Margo Farenka (Shirley Abicair) and the strangely flatulent Madame Ranevsky (Norris McWhirter). Soon, however, the family (Eldridge Cleaver, Moira Lister and Stan the Bat) moved to the village of New Bark Town (Eddie Waring) where they soon found themselves, sadly, quite unable to cope (Anthony Barber). In 1E112, however, Kris was sent to Moscow to study Pokémon, and, when she'd finished that, the living room.

Now, if you can imagine the size of Nelson's Column, which is roughly three times the size as a Goldenrod bus, then Kris was much smaller. Her head was about the same size as that of an extremely large dog, that is to say, two very small dogs, or four very large hamsters, or one medium-size rabbit if you count the whole of the body and not just the head.

Here is a three-stage model of Kris:

Well, poor pet, she was a like a lost lamb in a abattoir. Eventually she Dickie died of Colin Cholera in St Patsy Petersburg, in Gertie great Percy pain.



Then she became a Pokémon Trainer and Researcher who went to Kanto with a life-long obsession with finding Raikou. The end.

This game has been continuing (there was a session last week and another one is happening today) but I'm not going to continue posting up logs unless people are interested.

I just decided to give it a read and finally saw this.

I hadn't laughed so hard since I found that Cracked article on MMA. You guys are fucking NUTS. In a good way.

Keep it up, man. Keep it up.

That is the most nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. :sniff:

Thanks, Maxus.


I've always wanted to use that emoticon.

(Maxus: that made my day. And here I was thinking that this topic was being overlooked because of a less than glowing review of the system here on the Den. My opinion of the game system is that it's deeply flawed, but also really fucking fun so I don't give a shit.)

Session V: Odd Jobs and Gym Battles

So, after a few weeks the game picked back up. Shrapnel couldn't make it, so the MC sort-of played Kris as being there but not battling (her Pokemon still gain XP, and Kris' gym battle is run later). Yet. Some of her abilities came in handy anyways. At the end of the previous session, Kris and Tsubasa planned to battle Brock, but Johnny (whose player hadn't been able to make it that time) would've preferred to start by battling Misty. So the MC figures that to make things easier he'll have Misty just happen to be visiting Pewter, and Johnny plans to take her on. But neither Tsubasa nor Johnny want to get some fat stacks of cash and train their Pokemon a bit more before starting the Pokemon League challenge.

Fat Stacks of Cash

Johnny and Tsubasa come across bulletin boards that offer jobs; in Kanto these are apparently usually for Trainers that are strapped for cash. Tsubasa and Johnny want to make some cash to wager on battles, so this sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Both end up deciding to entertain at birthday parties. Tsubasa does fairly well at this, although the kids' parents are more than a little confused at "her" behavior; Johnny, on the other hand, is literally paid to leave the party he's entertaining early. However, the pay was good in both cases, and that's what really matters.

Training with the Third Johnson Brother

But loot is only one part of the RPG equation; the other is XP, and Johnny and Tsubasa both want more before taking on any Gym Leaders. So Manny Johnson arrives in Pewter and he apparently specializes in Eevee-lutions. Against our heroes he sends out the three Gen 1 ones: Flareon, Vaporeon, and Jolteon. They go down surprisingly quickly and drop shitloads of XP. It's awesome. He also offers to sell Eevee Eggs as an extra reward, although no one can afford them yet. But our heroes have Gym Leaders to beat the crap out anyways.

THE BROCK Wants to Fight!

Brocky "The Brock" Balboa turns out to be known amongst other Gym Leaders by the less polite moniker of "The Stoner." Indeed, he is oblivious to the point that he comes off as being high as a kite. He makes quite the introduction by beating out his shirtless Red/Blue counterpart by wearing naught but a speedo and diving into a rather shallow pool that he has, possibly set up for Misty's Pokemon. Brocky's level of apparent intelligence makes this seem rather unlikely to me.

Battling Gym Leaders

Despite Brock's obliviousness, his Pokemon are the real deal (kind of like Ash from the anime), having a Rock Axew (Type Specialists can add their specialized type to their Pokemon) and a Cranidos. Tsubasa sends out Shikkusunaito the Ralts, who basically wins by Teleporting away from Rock Axew's best attack and then moving back and Shadow Ball-Confusion kiting it. Cranidos is just about close in to melee range when Shikkusunaito KOs it. (BTW, Teleport is totally awesome in this game, being used as what is essentially an Immediate Action.) So it was actually fairly close; none of Tsubasa's other Pokemon could hurt Brock's team in any meaningful way. Misty Tears (as she is known) sends out a Staryu that goes down like a bitch to Johnny's Imp the Zubat, but Lapras takes it down and nearly destroys the rest of his team before Inner Dreams manages to Curse it to unconsciousness. So basically crazy tactics on our part made us win against opponents that should have fucking murdered us.

Another Rival Battle

Badges and a good time are had by all. After returning to the Pokemon Center, our heroes come across their rivals. Ville's Combusken has apparently just incinerated a man chasing a Rocket that stole his Pokemon, and the others are not particularly pleased with this. Neither Tsubasa nor Johnny know much about Team Rocket, and use this opportunity to find out about them. The Rivals don't care much about this although they divulge that they opened a Game Corner/Hotel in the slums of Pewter recently, called Casino Royale. After a few heated words, a battle starts. Teleport shenanigans once more lead to a narrow victory, and the session ends here, with our heroes eager to meet up with Team Rocket.

Next up: Team Rocket. But first: A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS!

So like we get to some place or another because I missed a session because I forget why and apparently some shit happened and people ended up wanting to join Team Rocket and such and so in the latest session I was in which was yesterday we got a new dude in our party: Jeff the Jew Goblin Goldbloom, and I should point out that at least everyone but me and Darth is Jewish in our group so it's all good.

Anyway, Jeff is an actor, and thus batshit insane.

Later, we go to a super upscale casino in the middle of the slums of what I believe is supposed to be Celadon. Upon entering, Kris loudly and proudly shouts, "Gee, this certainly looks like a good front for a criminal organization!" and that gets a security dude come over to us. After much dicking about, we meet with the BOSS, and explain that we wish to join TEAM ROCKET. I forget what the other party members said about wanting to join, but KRIS want's to join to further her goal of catching my avatar.

So, the BOSS sends our intrepid group out on an initiation test: Find some dude named Josh Rosenberg (apparently, Kanto is full of Jews), and extract some debt that he has incurred. I forget how this goes, because it was somewhat of a clusterfuck, but what I do remember is that he was hiding at his cousins apartment, and that we went there claiming to be a candygram. After that, it starts to get a bit hazy. End result, though, is that we stole his Pokémon and one of them was a ギャラドス*, and that Jeff got it and that it was in retrospect a bad idea to give an insane actor a really vicious Pokémon.

And then we got accepted into Team Rocket and hooray and all that.

Since that's the extent of what I remember, here's some moar backstory, this time on Kris' Pokémon:

Archie, the Growlithe, soon to be Arcanine to make the nickname make sense - Archie has been with Kris since she was sold as a Minibot at a $3 price point. (She's now a Classic Pretender and much more expensive and shiny). Archie is fiercely loyal to Kris, yadda yadda yadda, bingly biffy boodoo. And that's how he became the Brady Bunch.

That Jiggly Puff From the Anime - Exactly as it sounds, it's the Jigglypuff from the anime that gets pissed at people who fall asleep during her song and draws all over their face with a marker.

Others - There are others, but I forget what they are.

Spiny Norman - Spiny Norman is a giant Hedgehog that Kris believes if following her. Normally, he is wont to be about twelve feet from nose to tail, but when Kris is very depressed, Norman can be anything up to eight hundred yards long. Whilst Norman is about, Kris will go very quiet and her nose would swell up and her teeth would start moving about and she'd become very violent and claim that she'd laid Stanley Baldwin.


*Fun Fact: Whenever foreign characters are typed in the text box, they later appear as gibberish when reviewing/editing it later, but appear fine when posted. Huh.

I'll add my own perspective on yesterday's session.

Session VI: New Friends and New Enemies

(Note: Shitloads of traffic basically cut an hour or two off of the game.)

A member of our gaming group decided to join this game. So our heroes meet up with Crazy Jeff "The Jew" Goldblum, a Capture Specialist/Snagger who may have been on our team all along. Like Mini-Moose. Jeff's rival is an old member of our gaming group, so I'm not sure I can drop his name. Despite being a movie star, Jeff really wants to join a criminal organization, and since the rest of our heroes are at least curious, we all head out.

Joining Team Rocket

Everyone heads off to Casino Royale, which is a fairly nice place despite being in the middle of the slums. Kris' less than subtle hints that it's a front for a criminal organization nearly gets everyone kicked out, but Tsubasa's charisma and Jeff's acting get the bouncer to go easy on the kid, saying that she's just hyperactive. Eventually they're led to the guy's boss. Everyone explains that they are interested in joining: Kris for reasons Shrapnel explained, Tsubasa for the promise of brotherhood and acceptance among them he'll get if he joins their ranks, Johnny for the power and Jeff for the money. Our heroes are told that if they want to join, there's an initiation that they need to pass.

The Initiation

Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to collect a payment from a washed-out trainer named Josh Rosenberg who owes Team Rocket a lot of money. He probably doesn't have the 8000 Poke Dollars he owes, so we're to take his Pokemon if he can't pay. He's currently hiding out with his cousin, so we head to their place.

A Really Bad Plan

So our heroes decide to claim that they have a candygram for Josh. Unfortunately, Josh's cousin sees through this and lets him out the window. Due to communication errors between the party and MC, this gets a little weird. But we catch up to him, and now in the streets shout that the man's a thief. He's quickly tackled down by some citizens. Johnny uses his powers in order to make Josh "confess" to the crime and insist that he let us bring him in.

Completing the Mission

Once our heroes and Josh are away from the crowd, Josh sends out his Pokemon to attack us. However, Josh is eventually KOed and Jeff starts to Snag his Pokemon that haven't fainted. He gets a Kadabra and a Gyarados in this manner. Johnny and Tsubasa both have two of their Pokemon evolve: Shikkusunaito evolves into a Kirlia, and Panpoot into a Hitmonlee. Johnny's Imp evolves into a Golbat and his Inner Dreams into a Haunter. As for loot, Josh's other Pokemon are a Cincinno and the second forms of the Gen II starters. His Pokedex, badges, and two of the starters cover the debt (we keep the Quilava, in a parody of the picking of a starter Pokemon). So now we're full-fledged members of Team Rocket, and learn their tenets.

The Five Tenets of Sithis Team Rocket
1. Do not attack or steal from other members.
2. Help out other members you see if possible.
3. Tithe 30% to the Church Give a cut of any stolen loot to Team Rocket.
4. The more important you were in a job, the bigger the cut of the loot you get.
5. Avoid killing, if possible; it usually causes more trouble than it's worth.

Bonus Round: Do not get stolen Pokemon wet, or feed them after midnight, and never talk about Fight Club.

And with this, the session ends.

Since I'm passing through while I order a new harddrive and curse Bill Gates' name for Windows being so damn expensive, I offer this in recompense:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-top-eig ... ts-in-mma/

Thanks Maxus, that was awesome.

And now, for a completely different track of something completely the same.

Session I: The Phantom Reboot

See, friends and neighbors (or neighbour, if your Not-American), for reasons that are known only to the vagaries of the incomprehensible mind of a cloaker, the PTA campaign was set on fire, doused in confetti made from the softest bits of shredded People magazines, and then rebooted like a every single pop culture franchise ever.

And like every other franchise ever, there are people who are unhappy with the new product (me), and those who blindly follow the brand regardless (the GM/DM/MC/Dickbag McDoo), and then there are the people who just watch as the whole wreck explodes into a fiery, pointy death (you; yeah, I'm lookin' at ya).

And like the proud parent of an 900 lbs., half-gorilla, half-man, part-Fabio, all woman monstrosity, I played a small - yet pivotal - roll in changing my character to one who would be more suited to the campaign. It started when Darth suggested that we do that to make things go easier. It was a hard fought battle, with the DM saying "Okay, sure" at every turn. It took a long, bitter twenty seconds to finish the whole sordid deal.

This was, of course, after a whole session of not being happy and being unhappy about it. Here's why:

See, despite the reboot, I wanted to remain Kris, because I liked the character, so sue me. And that's where the problem stemmed from: everyone else was evil morally ambiguous, whereas I had written Good on my character sheet and I jolly damn well meant it. This lead to CONFLICT, until Darth recommended that I (and he) change characters to ones more suited to the current campaign... as I just said. (Remember, repeating yourself gets the point across much clearer! I padded out many English class essays by doing this.)

Anyway, thus CONFLICT was ended and it evolved via a painful process involving a chrysalis, tongs, and Don Regan's vulva into PEACEFUL COMPROMISE in which we ended the session with new character concepts in our loins and BURNING JUSTICE in our hearts and livers, and all the while we looked ever onwards to a brighter future, so bright you'd need sunglasses or something: one where peace could be had by all without having to fight for it, a world without war, crime, or traffic accidents. Yes, a shining, Pepsi-filled tomorrow where the businessman of today can enjoy the comforts of yesterday!

I was actually going to start a log of that campaign that as a separate topic.