FUCK MICHAEL BAY!

[Stahlseele]

After having seen the new Trailers for Turtles and Bayformers 4, i can not say this often and loud enough!

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE A MOVIE IN A GIVEN IP AND THEN DISCARD 90% OF THE IPs LORE WHEN MAKING THE MOVIE?

FUCK HIM IN THE EYE!
WITH A SPOON!
A RUSTY ONE!


/rant!

[Josh_Kablack]

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE A MOVIE IN A GIVEN IP AND THEN DISCARD 90% OF THE IPs LORE WHEN MAKING THE MOVIE?

Hollywood.

[Ancient History]

At this point, I think bay is trying to accumulate memoriam so that when he hits the underworld he can form his own Dark Kingdom of Broken Dreams.

[Stahlseele]

So he is trying to be the Uwe Boll of Comics?

[John Magnum]

Who seriously has a deeply-held passionate commitment to the integrity of the fucking lore of Ninja Turtles and Transformers? Michael Bay rules.

[Ancient History]

<- Still owns the first four collected volumes of the original comics.

It's not fundamentally difficult. You could seriously get Frank Miller to do a Sin City-style chiaroscuro of four teenage ninjas fighting a bunch of fucking ninjas in the alleys and rooftops of pre-Guliani New York and I'd probably jizz my pants every fifteen full minutes of the movie.

[angelfromanotherpin]

Michael Bay's shit isn't shit because it ignores the established canon. People do that all the time and turn out well-received adaptations of IP. It's shit because it's incredibly shitty. His films have characterization that is embarrassingly bad for action films, and then the action is also a bewildering ordeal. Every plot point that makes more than negative sense is either boring or meaningless.

I think at that point you'd happy that it bears as little resemblance as possible to things you like.

[Meikle641]

I'm only really bothered by the fact the turtles look like fucking Shrek, face-wise.

[Red_Rob]

Who seriously has a deeply-held passionate commitment to the integrity of the fucking lore of Ninja Turtles and Transformers? Michael Bay rules.

You can't fathom how two franchises that both go back 30 years might have fans that care about their history? Really?

I mean, the Transformers movie was fucked from the start:

Spielberg suggested that "a boy and his car" should be the focus. This appealed to Orci and Kurtzman because it conveyed themes of adulthood and responsibility, "the things that a car represents in the United States". The characters of Sam and Mikaela were the sole point-of-view given in Orci and Kurtzman's first draft. The Transformers had no dialogue, as the producers feared talking robots would look ridiculous.
...
Michael Bay was asked to direct by Spielberg on July 30, 2005, but he dismissed the film as a "stupid toy movie"

No-one going to watch a Transformers movie wants to see the story of a boy getting his fucking first car. Especially when the boy is Shia Leboeeueffef saying "no" for 2 hours. Then they get someone that doesn't even like Transformers to direct it. What a crock of shit.

And fuck you, Turtles was cool:

[hyzmarca]

<- Still owns the first four collected volumes of the original comics.

It's not fundamentally difficult. You could seriously get Frank Miller to do a Sin City-style chiaroscuro of four teenage ninjas fighting a bunch of fucking ninjas in the alleys and rooftops of pre-Guliani New York and I'd probably jizz my pants every fifteen full minutes of the movie.

Because of the ninjas or because of the whores? Or the whores who are ninjas?

If you're doing a Frank Miller parody today you seriously need ninja prostitutes.

No-one going to watch a Transformers movie wants to see the story of a boy getting his fucking first car. Especially when the boy is Shia Leboeeueffef saying "no" for 2 hours. Then they get someone that doesn't even like Transformers to direct it. What a crock of shit.

Well, there's room in there for vaguely homoerotic undertones. The relationship between a young man and a male-identifying transforming automobile has a great deal of potential. Especially once they become Headmaster partners and there's vaguely sexual puns about giving great head.

And fuck you, Turtles was cool:

[Ancient History]

Because of the ninjas or because of the whores? Or the whores who are ninjas?

If you're doing a Frank Miller parody today you seriously need ninja prostitutes.

Not a problem.

Well, there's room in there for vaguely homoerotic undertones.

I know this is about Bayformers, but I can't resist: The Birds, The Bees, and The Turtles.

[Meikle641]

hyzmarca:
... Are you trying to imply the first movie didn't have awesome turtles?

Rewatched the original movie on NYE and I felt it held up reasonably well. For a vidya-based movie it wasn't all that bad.

[Dr_Noface]

i forgot

[hyzmarca]

No. I'nm trying to imply that the gritty Frank Miller parady comics are not what most people think of when they think of turtles.

The cartoon, the video games, and of course the movies were all massively more popular.


The first movies was awesome.

[fbmf]

Who seriously has a deeply-held passionate commitment to the integrity of the fucking lore of Ninja Turtles and Transformers? Michael Bay rules.

Apparently you've never read a Shrapnel post? That dude lives and breathes anything and everything Transformers.

And I was very disappointed that the first Live Action Transformer movie didn't have the vintage "transform" noise, even after they included it in the trailer of Prime's transformation.

Game On,
fbmf

[Mask_De_H]

The thing is: Hollywood doesn't care, Michael Bay doesn't care, and the main movie going populace doesn't care. There are enough people who will cry about not being accurate and will still go see the movies, so nothing changes.

[OgreBattle]

How much planning would it take to throw a pie into Michael Bay's face, and when would he be most vulnerable to a pie to the face.

[Shrapnel]

Why I Hate Michael Bay, and Anyone Else Who Likes Him, Too
By Shrapnel

Michael Bay has, in many ways, made Transformers actively worse. There haven't been many things that have done this, and Michael Bay joins a very short list.

Here's a list of how I believe he has made Transformers RUINED FOREVER:

- His films suck. They are filled with in-your-face product placements and lots of shots of boobs bouncing up and down in slow motion, as well as potty jokes that aren't really funny to anyone.

- He made Revenge of the Fallen during the Hollywood writers strike, and thus it was written entirely by scabs. WHO DOES THAT?! Oh, wait...

- Optimus Prime is a murderous barbarian that makes the entire Decepticon army combined look like kitten-saving firemen.

- His movies always focus more on the fucktarded human characters than the robots that the films are about and trying to sell.

- Story? Plot? What's that?

- He is/was in league with Don Murphy, who makes shadzar seem like a nice person.

- To quote the tfwiki:

Michael Bay's auditioning process for leading ladies is notoriously rigorous and scrutinizing. Examples of the criteria necessary to obtain employment from Bay include: How well the actress can wash his Ferrari while he films them in private and how well the actress screen-tests while wearing see-through lingerie.

Really, what more needs to be said after that? Michael Bay should be prevented from ever making movies, and it constantly baffles me why anyone would think his motherfucking shitass retarded fucking shit movies are any fucking good, and he should be caught in one of his own explosions during filming. THAT would be entertainment.

And to anyone who thought this rant was bad, at least I'm not this guy.

[John Magnum]

It seems a little weird to criticize Michael Bay for having too much product placement and for being insufficiently toyetic. I mean, I guess if you really like robot figurines and really don't like Vaios or GM SUVs or something, it makes sense, it just strikes me as weird.

[Shrapnel]

I'm watching a Transformers film to a) buy Transformer toys, not drink a Mountain Dew or buy a fucking GMC truck, and b) watch giant robots, not Mountain Dew vending machines and people.

Placing products that nothing to do with Transformers into a Transformers film is just retarded.

[Prak]

Not really. The transformers property is entirely predicated on the idea of selling hunks of plastic and metal that turn from robot to car or animal or plane or whatever and back. So to make movies that do not adequately sell those toys is a failing. To produce any movie where product placement is more noticeable than the actual focus of the movie is also a failing.

If the movies focused on the actual alien robots that it's trying to sell toys of, that would be a success. If it had little prices and retail store logos pop up whenever an alien robot came on screen, that would blatant product placement, but because it was aimed at the actual focus of the movie, it would simply be a failing of a movie, rather than a failing of the adaptation.

Instead, the movies focused more multi-tens of thousand dollar cars that are major decisions for most people and not likely to be bought within the year by the majority of viewers, soda machines, cd players, and other consumer products than the alien robots it was ostensibly trying to sell toys of, thus it failed as both a movie, and an adaptation of a franchise designed to sell toys.

edit: somewhat ninja'd by shrapnel. However, I will say that if they'd made a toy of every device that was turned into an alien robot, the movie wouldn't have been quite as much of a failure. I would totally buy a mountain dew machine transformer toy, especially if it actually shot tiny cans of mountain dew.

[hyzmarca]

Not really. The transformers property is entirely predicated on the idea of selling hunks of plastic and metal that turn from robot to car or animal or plane or whatever and back. So to make movies that do not adequately sell those toys is a failing. To produce any movie where product placement is more noticeable than the actual focus of the movie is also a failing.

If the movies focused on the actual alien robots that it's trying to sell toys of, that would be a success. If it had little prices and retail store logos pop up whenever an alien robot came on screen, that would blatant product placement, but because it was aimed at the actual focus of the movie, it would simply be a failing of a movie, rather than a failing of the adaptation.

Instead, the movies focused more multi-tens of thousand dollar cars that are major decisions for most people and not likely to be bought within the year by the majority of viewers, soda machines, cd players, and other consumer products than the alien robots it was ostensibly trying to sell toys of, thus it failed as both a movie, and an adaptation of a franchise designed to sell toys.

edit: somewhat ninja'd by shrapnel. However, I will say that if they'd made a toy of every device that was turned into an alien robot, the movie wouldn't have been quite as much of a failure. I would totally buy a mountain dew machine transformer toy, especially if it actually shot tiny cans of mountain dew.

Actually, GMC paid a fuckton of money get put their cars in that movie and made a deal with Hasbro that let them use GMC vehicles as models for those toys, so GMC produce placement is perfectly valid.

[Shrapnel]

I don't care how much money GMC paid, Transformers isn't about selling vehicles... it's about selling toys. If some of the Transformers turned into GMC trucks and cars, then that'd be fine, but instead, the main focus was on the vehicles themselves, and not so much the robots that they turned into and were (supposedly) trying to advertise.

[Whipstitch]

Michael Bay rules.

Nah, his stuff is pretty terrible, and I'm on record as being annoyed with the '80s nostalgia crowd in general and am not above ogling a slow motion boob bounce. I really wish someone would dethrone him, because I actually like big stupid spectacle movies and would really enjoy it if we had a better class of directors actually shooting the damn things. As it is I feel like Michael Bay is winning by default just because he recognizes that there's a market for this shit.

[hyzmarca]

Michael Bay rules.

Nah, his stuff is pretty terrible, and I'm on record as being annoyed with the '80s nostalgia crowd in general and am not above ogling a slow motion boob bounce. I really wish someone would dethrone him, because I actually like big stupid spectacle movies and would really enjoy it if we had a better class of directors actually shooting the damn things. As it is I feel like Michael Bay is winning by default just because he recognizes that there's a market for this shit.

He directed Bad Boys and Bad Boys 2. He's at least done something right.