The Gaming Den

So, the next adventure starts with the adventurers attending a party thrown by the wizard college archmage to celebrate them rescuing his newb-venturer son.

I need a ton of random npcs to fill the place, so I'm asking for random crazy interesting npcs. It's Greyhawk D&D with no fear of adding stuff from other worlds, so if you're willing to help me, I just need a basic description and name, make them whatever you want.

I'd greatly appreciate it.

Mike: The upside down dwarf. A dwarf born with a rare condition, he is upside down with his legs growing up into the air. Because his legs never reach the ground and thus continue to grow he is the tallest dwarf in the world.

Note: First nam Mike, last name The upside down dwarf.

Shaunziel the Gelded. A Drow male (eunuch) trained as a wizard-priest in the Underdark, he was eventually expelled for joining a self-castrating cult dedicated to an obscure godling. Quite stout, has a high pitched voice, and drinks far too much for his own good.

Nomara of Suel. Shaven-headed human woman, speaks with a heavy accent and dresses in exotic glittersilk (that does nothing to hide her curves) and heavy silver jewelry; she claims to be a wizardess from a Suloise colony, but really she's a native of the Flaness that wants to look exotic. Pretty much everyone knows, no one cares. Has a ring of cantrips and specializes in cantrip use.

The Mighty Zoon. An intelligent staff of power, which levitates under its own power when it isn't being carried by one of its valets. Egotistical, but with a pedantic bent and being considered for a university position.

For the record, I would much prefer interesting, amusing characters like Ancient History's over ridiculous ones like upside down dwarves.

Thogdork Brambleblaster, Son of the Axe that Felled a Thousand Trees:

A low level Dwarf ranger. His father is a new-money Dwarf lord who built a kingdom by clear-cutting some forest on the side of mountain. Consequently, Thogdork has a somewhat unhealthy obsession with forestry and, unless prodded, he talks about little else. His dress -- muddy well-used boots, sticks in hair, etc. -- suggests that he is fresh from the field and suitably directed conversation will reveal he was reluctantly pulled back to the city against his will.

Ogrost Soberbane claims to be a minor dwarven ancestor spirit with authority over brewing and alchemy; whether or not this is true, his lower torso has been replaced with the body of a dwarven pony ("A wizard did it.") and he can transform up to a pint of liquid into beer by touch. Late in night, when drunk, he sometimes accepts bets involving this ability.

Jul Blacksweep is a tall, gangly young man that looks like he could be a older apprentice or well-aging graduate of a wizard's college, and wears dark clothing embroidered with many sigils and runes. He's a craft wizard that specializes in the lucrative but not particularly exciting profession of scribing runes and glyphs. He is desperate for a date and most of his stories involve his school days.

Barb Dwoemerkeeper is a wizard-groupie that will fuck anything with a wand, man or wizard, dragon or demigod. While not a sorceress herself, past paramours have left her a fair number of minor magical trinkets, small permanent spells (including glowing eyes that allow her to see in the dark), magical tattoos, and the like. Her "familiar" is an amorphous, genderbending, shapeshifting blob named "Spike" which often changes to match and cozy up to whatever species of familiar as Barb's latest target.

Marno the Eternal Apprentice has had fifteen masters in four years; she has quite a bit of money and sorcerous resources but limited magical training. Rumor has it she's either an assassin killing her masters or operates under a curse levied by Boccob for stealing a page from the god's book; whatever the case, Marno's "masters" tend to have bad luck and short lifespans.

Sygyn and Emil Dilusk are a married pair of recently ordained Tomesages of Denneb, the Oerdian God of Reason, Intellect and Study. Emil, while en route to the party, was rebuffed by his wife after his suggestion that it was a good time for them to be considering children. He is now drinking to some excess, and delighting precisely no one with his encyclopedic knowledge of puns.

Lonad Clywlen is teleconferencing from the City of Brass via a levitating Jacinth projecting a 1/4 scale major image of himself. At least, that is what he is telling the other partygoers. In truth, he is currently trapped as a result into his researching a variant of the Magic Jar spell, and is loathe to reveal to others his predicament.

Ermus Tharisme: an albino drow fashion designer. After growing up in drow society, business is little challenge. Acts effeminate, but is an accomplished duelist.

Syris Donsen: She appeared in town a number of years ago and quickly became a wealthy merchant. She has a brass left arm and interesting tattoos down her left side, but seems to have no combat experience.

Jasper Stonefoot: Some years ago, this halfling mage managed to hit the shrink to 1/12th size result with a rod of wonder. He is therefore 3" tall. He wears magical boots that allow him to walk up to 10' off the ground but is still quite hard to hear.

Sikar Vandreg: a six-foot-six lanky githyanki, lately of Sigil. Often hired for material-gathering. His party tricks are at-will mage hand and darts (+17 ranged attack modifier within 30 feet). Left arm is tattoo'd with a black stripe pattern, the right arm has a white dragon twining around it. Usually wears long sleeves, though.

The Grand Iron Man: A man's soul inhabiting a 7-foot-tall iron golem-esque body. Wears Ric Flaire-esque robes and has the same level of taste as a pimp.

Loru Engonttar: An abomination of the Far Plane inhabiting a child's body. Looks like a kid, except with completely black, perfectly circular eyes. It likes cookies and other sweets.

Lily Greenstone: illusionist and former gnome, now reincarnated by a druid into the body of hill giant after overdosing on some bizarre mushrooms the same druid gave her. Dislikes her current body, but is unwilling to kill herself to be reincarnated again due to the loss of power. Though capable of better speech patterns, has decided to get into playing her current "role" as a dumb brute. Loves to be the center of attention, if only to whine more.

Fred of Nostril is a former torch-bearer who lost all four limbs in a 'hilarious' trap cascade, but survived and got a (badly-damaged) wood golem as a retirement gift. The golem carries him around on a cushion and helps him with his difficulty. Fred goes to parties with his sob story soliciting donations toward the cost of the Regenerate spell he hopes will one day restore him to full function.

Aust Galanodel: Braggart, Duelist, Xenophile.
This boastful and flamboyant elf is minor nobility from an important elf-clan. He's hotheaded and not-too-bright, but is an accomplished duelist who has faced a fair number of adventures of his own. He will at some point during the party challenge someone to a duel over some real or imagined slight to himself, the elves or his companions of the evenings. He is highly likely to refer to himself as "Aust Galanodel, the greatest swordsman in -- wait, what's the name of this town again?". Less obviously, is his motivation for attending the party is his hope that he might be hook up with some form of polymorphed non-humanoid creature at the wizard's college.

Rozin Tinwright: Professor of Transmutation
This quiet middle-aging woman in grey robes is a softspoken faculty member. She is fiendishly intelligent and ruthlessly amoral, but very subtle about showing it. She is likely to pull one or two of the more contemplative PCs aside and pose them deepish moral questions about their recent adventure in hushed tones. "Doesn't rescuing unprepared adventurers encourage more such foolhardiness in the future?", "Don't you think it's admitting weakness for the Archmage to throw such a big party to reward you and your friends for doing a job he couldn't do himself?" "Did you know that elf princeling over their refuses to sleep with humanoid women, prefering the company of fiends and fey? Is he a pervert, or are the rest of us merely commiting racial incest?" She doesn't actually care about the answers she gets, just what insight such answers give her into the mindset of the answerer and how she might be able to use that insight to her own benefit in the future. If the PC's have something sufficiently interesting or valuable to offer her, she may offer to teach them a unique spell she created herself - Rozin's Roaming Raiment is a 2nd level transmutation spell that animates one garment of size Small or smaller and hardness 2 or less. The garment is treated as an Animated Object of appropriate size under the casters control for one round/level. Unattended items get no save, but worn items get the wearer's save. Note that a worn garment which becomes animated will be grappling with its wearer

Yang-Tze: Githyanki Gunslinger.
This plane-traveling Githyanki is currently a "guest lecturer" at the Wizard College who mainly gives seminars on defending against the illithid threat. Curiously he lacks the usual Githyanki Silver Sword and instead carriers a uniquely enchanted Musket with him at all times as his sacred weapon. If asked, he will lapse into a full-on lecture about the superiority of keeping foes at a distance and the importance of guerrilla tactics in interplanar conflicts, citing several large actions in the Blood Wars where swordsmen were given credit but the actual battle was won due to ranged superiority.

Thorned Ferocity: Awakened Arborvitae.
This 12" decorative plant was Awakened by a Druid to aid in the battle of _________, where it served well and slew many Orcs. However the Druid who granted it sentience did not fare so well in the battle. It then spent the better part of a decade serving as a spearman in various mercenary companies before earning enough to retire. The wizard's college is one of the few places it can fit in to civilian city life. Thorny is a horrible punster, but he only has one pun - "My time with the Theives Guild was cut short, because they realized I was a police plant", "I considered taking up textiles, but the weavers guild wanted a larger plant", "I asked the millers if they wanted me to help with the grinding, but they said that their water wheel was sufficient and they didn't need a power plant." and such.

Tiger: Tabby Cat.
Tiger is a normal cat. Everybody thinks he's someone else's familiar. He thinks there's a mouse in the wall behind you, and can only be dissuaded from attacking the back of your chair to get at it if bribed with milk or other dairy products.

Milhouse: Gnomish Master of Chaotic Magic Which You Cannot Possibly Hope to Comprehend.
His magic works on a Winds of Fate Scheme. This makes it dangerous to his allies but he will elaborate at great length about why it's superior to traditional spell memorization. Just pull quotes from old Den Threads:
http://tgdmb.com/viewtopic.php?t=52150
http://www.tgdmb.com/viewtopic.php?t=51229 http://www.tgdmb.com/viewtopic.php?p=82657


Jeremy Grey (aka Charles Reinhold): Freeloader.
He's a caravan guard who borrowed a silk shirt and some jewelry to get into the fancy party and help himself to high-class food and free wine. Once he got a few drinks in him, he decided to see how far he could fool these wizards and is spending the night inventing more and more far-fetched background for himself - mixing in just enough true but incredible details from foreign lands he's visited to make things halfway plausible.

Raymond Miller: He's an accountant who has a n exceptionally boring life. However, he has no fashion sense at all and so has managed to make himself look like he must be one of the most interesting people in the room.

Laira Defoe: A skilled pickpocket, she has successfully crashed the party. Her family is actually quite wealthy, but she refuses to take their money. So far that's working out for her, but if caught she might change her mind.

Farrow: a hell hound that wishes to find a sorcerer or wizard and become their familiar so as to be an Inside Dog that gets to lie by/in the fire and just gets handed daily meals rather than having to actually hunt.

Needs moar cantina scene:

Ammonia Dristain: Yurian potter and tailor. By trade, manufactures high quality items from elukian clay, and has an ongoing contract with the mage guild to make such items for enchantment. She's personally a weird crab-thing with moss growing out of her and wears ceramic clothing, making her look for all the world like a walking chia pet with pinchers and eyestalks.

Blorg: Psurlon Banker. He's like a big carnivorous earthworm in an opera cape. Has a cool party trick where it turns out those things on the side of his head that you thought were eyes are actually nostrils, so he pretends to be surprised by shooting grapes out of his nostrils and then going "aaahh! my eyes! I can't see!" before admitting that he's only fucking with you and Psurlons don't have eyes and he "sees" through psychic vibrations. Also, he eats a live rat by sucking it into his tooth-lined feeding tube. But he insists this is the "classy" way to eat, because it doesn't dribble all over the place the way it does when barbarous races cut their food up into pieces before eating it.


-Username17

Nosen-Ra the Archmage is quite aware he is something of a celebrity, and always dresses to impress. People throughout Oerik recognise his drooping moustache as belonging to the wizard that bested the Slave Lords, and the college Dean is rightly proud to have attracted such a distinguished guest. However, no-one is aware that in fact Nosen-Ra has sent a Simulacrum he keeps on hand for attending functions he can't be bothered to attend himself. After suffering from an unfortunate encounter on the way to the party the Simulacrum has only a single hit point left, and beneath it's robe icy wounds are visible in it's body. Any mishap dealing any hit point damage will cause it to collapse into a pile of snow, alarming partygoers and embarrassing the Dean.

At some point during the party, two drunken apprentices from a rival college will use a Silent Image and a Magic Mouth spell to make the statue of the college founder appear to come to life and loudly denigrate the party and their achievements in an effort to provoke them into destroying it. If discovered they will shoot a Colour Spray into the assembled partygoers and try to escape in the confusion.

Gerald was a Human warrior employed by a group of adventurers as a henchman for a raid on the Underdark. During the expedition he was hit by an Aboleth and his skin was transformed into a clear mucous membrane. After escaping from the depths the group kept him cool and damp through repeated castings of Create Water until he could be brought to the college for magical study, where he now resides. Currently travelling around in an animated wheeled bath, his disturbing appearance is at odds with his extremely boring personality and nasal voice. He loves to tell the story that lead to his predicament, but somehow manages to make even tales of unspeakable monstrosities sound kind of dull.

This is the best thread I've ever started. Please, keep 'em coming, these are great.

A couple I wrote up earlier, in case other people wind up using the thread too:

Xilfix Roondar Renard Badger-Cloak Boom-Boom Garnet-Eye Garrick of the Smoking Hole:
Xilfix is a transmale gnome who is short even for his race. He works as an artificer and makes good living at it, sufficient to afford hats larger than he is, such as the savannah-gryphon felt hat he currently wears, the brim of which is easily 5' long and fortunately tilted up. The hat has an elaborate fan of gryphon flight feathers which much larger dire peacock feathers stretching another eight feet into the air. Instead of the customary taxidermied bird, his hat has a miniature vrock which is fully animate and will perform minor tasks for Xilfix (as an unseen servant). Even though he himself is only 2'10" tall, he wears thick soled bordello creepers which elevate him four inches, and his hat towers over most party goers. He also smokes from an ostentatious pipe carved in the life size likeness of a wolverine's head, which floats near his head.
Xilfix will insist on introducing himself with his full name, and is pleased when anyone else uses it to address or introduce him. He is easily enraptured with any discussion of artifice, and will eagerly ask after any unusual items he sees on other partygoers, especially if his Monocle of Detect Magic tells him they are enchanted.
His unusual epithet is worn proudly, and was given when he first became well known in Greyhawk, smiling up from a small crater where his first workshop had been only moments prior after only a few hours of ownership. He continued working on various commissions for a couple weeks in the scorched hole, then used the money received for their completion to rebuild his shop larger and more explosion proof.

Skrill the Tamer:
Skrill is a svelte, unusually well-groomed male goblin knight, impeccably dressed in finely lacquered hides and scales and exquisitely painted mountain goat skull helm, with copious ornaments of gleaming beetle shells, some still alive, bejeweled and tethered to his armour via a fine metal chain. He is known as a masterful trainer of mounts, mostly using the method of tying himself to their back and being more bloody-minded and stubborn than the beast is. He is rumoured to be able to tame anything to take to a saddle, and his current mount is a half-fiend air necromental.

Lord Meow, Gentlecat Wizard:
Lord Meow was a wizard's familiar, until said wizard was eaten by a dragon. As an intelligent magical creature, Lord Meow found he had actually developed a certain talent for magic himself and returned to the Grey College to enroll in classes, having claimed his late master's share of the adventure which proved the man's end as Grievance Pay. Wears a small top hat with a wand stuck in the band, and hellhound fur coat. His collar is a Greater Hand of the Mage made from a small rat's hand, which he occasionally uses to lift himself to eye level with people he is talking to.
Lord Meow's familiar benefits ended shortly after his master's death, but lasted long enough for him to purchase an Awaken spell cast upon himself.

These are all from my Ars Magica game, but fairly easily ported over.

Farrel the Many:
Three identical middle-aged human males who always walk around together, occasionally bumping clumsily into one another. Whether Farrel always had three bodies or whether he's taken over the other two via telepathy is unknown; if asked he'll get huffy about it and behave as though the interrogator has committed a faux pas. When Farrel speaks, all three speak in a weird Gregorian-style harmony; if he's perturbed or emotional then there's a very slight delay between them, rendering the speech difficult to comprehend. Farrel doesn't have any shame when it comes to staring at attractive young people's bodies, a behaviour made even more obvious by the fact that all three heads will swivel in unison.

Iskandar, He Who Cleaves The Skulls of His Enemies, and Sir Nigel
A talking sword of fairly minor powers, Iskandar is still very popular at these sorts of parties because of his quick wit and ready humour. He's perhaps a little on the caustic side, especially as the evening draws on, but it's all in good taste. He saves his cruellest barbs for his wielder, a knight called Sir Nigel who suffers from a massive inferiority complex due to the fact that the invitation said "To Iskandar and companion." By his own merits, Sir Nigel would be a respectable if pretty average knight; however, he exists constantly in the social shadow of his own weapon, relegated to something between a straight man and a steed. He resents this and will now and then attempt to defend his own dignity by speaking in his own right, which without fail inadvertently ends up setting him up for the sword's funniest put-downs.

Gersbeck the Evoker
If you're not really into magic theory, you don't know who Gersbeck is. If you are really into it, however, then you've spotted his co-author credits on most papers that have come out recently and understand why he has one of the comfiest seats in the wizard's common room.
If there's a PC wizard here, Gersbeck will make polite but noncommittal conversation, remaining uninterested unless they mention something theoretic. Should they do so, he'll immediately be drawn into the sort of argument that consumes most D&D web forums when spell design is mentioned. The use of metamagic feats on third-party content, the creation of spell-like abilities based on obscure spells, and the creation of spell traps of weird spells are examples of topics that will come up. Remember to stay in character.

Meadhbh the Reluctant Waitron: Six months ago, at a party of the Seelie court, the halfling knight Meadhbh Tosscobble inadvertently committed such a serious breach of decorum (the exact nature of which she refuses to reveal) that those assembled agreed she should be taught a lesson in gracious hospitality. Forcibly polymorphed into a Killmoulis, she now wields a miniature lance enchanted with at-will Prestidigitation which she uses to distribute amuse-bouches. She sits astride the pseudodragon Orto, whom at first was simply to provide updates on the prank, but has begun to to exhibit some aggressive tendencies due to Meadhbh's influence. Rudeness on the part of a guest is likely to result in a telepathic demand for satisfaction. (Now I really want to stat up a diminutive Supermount.)

Lord Cecil Floptopus: Cecil (pronounced SEH-sill, never SEE-sill) is an elderly remnant of an unremarkable noble family that did passably well at a number of banal business ventures. Cecil will happily, if aloofly, begin reciting one of his family's many accomplishments, but is invariably disrupted by his severe narcolepsy. The hosts have parked his spindly frame in an overstuffed armchair to keep him from falling over and hurting himself.

"Did you know that my family came into possession of Northshire bridge? The bridge had been losing money for decades, but we modestly *yawn* raised the toll and *yawn* found a reliable lumber distribut... Zzzzz..."

Lugh Bloodthorn is a faerie dressed in reticulated leather armor, with a skull made from the skull of an elder faerie dragon. Lugh is the greatest slayer of faerie dragons of his race, and occasionally goes after wyrmlings of the greater dragon races - even a juvenile wyvern, once.

Ron Forte: Head Caterer
Ron is an older pudgy, bald man who makes sure things run well at events. On the floor he is always smiling and quick with small pleasantries or a self-deprecating joke as he hurries about in his duties. Back in the kitchens and access corridors away from the eyes of guests he seems more like a drill sergeant in the midst of the Blood War as he berates and threatens his terrified staff. Should any of the PCs attempt to make an exit through the kitchens or catering tunnels, they will interrupt Ron from delivering a profanity and threat-laced scolding to an underling and he will shift into all helpful smiles as he asks "Are you lost?" and attempts to 'helpfully' steer them back to the party, dismissing any objections of disruptions to the event as the sort of thing that happens every year and "not as bad as the time in ought '9 when the Flumphs got out of the lab in the East tower. " or "trust me, as much it may not seem so, you're safer out there with the attacking vampires than back here in the kitchens."

The Clockwork Dancers: Performance Golems
The musicians performing have a pair of Nimblewrights who demonstrate appropriate dances for the music. These Nimblewrights appear as humanoid clockwork constructs, but use their Alter Self ability to change costumes with each new musical number. One always appears in masculine attire, one in feminine, but the highly formal costumes are also from a period a few hundred years back. Due to their commands, these constructs cannot speak, and can only perform dances appropriate to the tempo of the music. However they are still attempting to uphold the original commands from their creator centuries ago - to protect his treasure vault from raiders and see that his heirs received it. They were seized and given new commands decades back, and ever since, they have been trying to communicate their need to return to guarding their vault and to find the descendants of their creator solely through fashion and their choices of dance. A bard-type PC with knowledge of historical choreography may realize something here. Also helpful would be the ability to read heraldic designs (see Scottish Tartans) in fabric and know how geographically rare the flowers used in an illusory corsage were up until they started being shipped across the sea at the turn of the last century.

Albert Augstine, College Applicant.
Albert is a smart, geeky young lad who will be starting at the college next semester. He's here a bit early for reasons unexplained and his only "formal" wear is the bright green robe and hat apprentices are required to wear for their first semester. He is in awe of all that magic can do and eager to start learning as soon as possible. He is socially awkward and out of place at the party, but eager to suck up to any faculty member or experienced wizard he can. His own magical talents are limited to read magic and a variant prestidigitation where he has no control over the particular effects generated by any casting of the spell. He is of course, eager to show this ability off to any experienced wizard or female party goer.

Ristarus the Binder/Bloodshadow the Exterminator/Extremenator
Ristarus the Binder is a fairly meek wizard, who doesn't like to draw attention to himself, and will typically try to fade into the background. However, due a botched Planar Binding, he is currently possessed by a demon. Despite what many might think, the demon seems to only be interested in getting drunk, partying hard, and flirting with any woman who could be considered at least moderately attractive. This creates a conflict of interest, and the two personalities tend to have very vocal arguments, in different voices, and often interrupting whatever conversation one of them might have been having beforehand. Oddly enough, if exorcism is offered, both parties vehemently refuse.

"Thricecursed" Tom O'Malley: Tom O'Malley appears to be a half-fiend woman with red skin. His black spaded tail is curled around his waist, and bat-like wings are folded on his back. He wears a mithral breastplate and simple leather breeches in addition to his trademark cursed items described below.

Tom was an ordinary warrior of little renown before he found a cache of magical items in a vault below an abandoned tower. Among them were a leather belt set with opals, an intricate silver-and-mithral choker, and a sturdy sword with a large ruby set in the pommel,. All three appeared to be powerful items, but the hedge-wizard who identified them failed to detect their drawbacks. In addition to their helpful effects, the belt changed his sex, the choker gave him a thirst for human blood, and the sword slowly warped his body with its demonic taint. Unable to afford having the curses removed, he was left with no recourse but to continue adventuring.

When Tom finally saved up enough for curse removal and replacement items, he faced a different problem: brand recognition. Tales of the Thricecursed had spread far and wide. The enchantments he laboured under were now the trademark by which his work was known. Without them, he feared he would again be just another face in the crowd. He therefore resolved to continue using the items that gave him his name.

Luka Mumar: Alchemy Graduate Student, Troublemaker
Luka is the black sheep of a wealthy merchant family. He's staying in college as long as possible to avoid having to work in the family importing business and to mess with folks at parties. He's wearing a black turtleneck, tight pants made from tent fabric and an odd pair of goggles - since divinations have shown him such will be fashionable in the future. When he's not spiking the punch with alchemical intoxicants he researched himself, he tries to send other partygoers on minor 'quests' in a clear and knowing parody of cRPG quest giver characters. "I could gladly provide a letter of introduction, but first you must bring me a fine quill, sable ink, rolled parchment and the dean's inkstone". In order for me to demonstrate my thesis theory of Toastology, you must bring me a loaf of bread, a serrated knife and a source of fire." "I would gladly repair that unfortunate rip in your cloak if you would be bring me a needle, some brown thread and a pair of shears" and such. If confronted about the supposed fourth-wall breaking of such parodies, he will explain that upon graduation he will be an accredited wizard working for his merchant family, and it's obviously quite important for rich merchants and wise wizards to know how to dispatch adventurers to handle such tasks.

The Surflord of Lendore Exile and Evangelist for Hanging Ten
This half-elven cleric of Sehanine Moonbow is of royal blood on the elven side -- it's his human side that got his exiled from the islands where he was born. He does not see it as exile, but rather as an opportunity to share his goddess's sacred art of wave-sliding with his human kin -- who have no way but him to hear of it. He can expound at great length in how the art glorifies the lunar influence over the seas and offers a communion with nature that has far more immediacy than that of merely living near some big trees.