D&D 3.X/Pathfailure Making Crafting Less Retarded
Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 11:21 pm
So I was writing an excessively long e-mail bitching at my DM about the crafting rules in Pathfinder and I remembered that this place exists.
So anyway yeah, it looks like now I'm playing Pathfinder. It's not my first choice. It's not even my first choice for a flavor of D&D (I still prefer 3.5), but it is the only thing anyone that will game with me is playing so I've got to grin and bear it for now.
I made a 5th Level Catfolk Alchemist. Alchemist in general seems like a pretty solid class but that might be an idiotic statement--I have not been thinking about charop in D&D for a very long time. I like how they can leave extract slots open to prepare whatever is needed, it sort of struck me as a kind of best of both worlds between Wizard prepared casting and Sorcerer spontaneous casting, although obviously it's limited by their spell list which is limited to things you could make extracts (potions) of. For offense they have a separate pool of bombs--I get nine firebombs per day in addition to my extracts. The bombs improve in damage and in other ways you choose as you go up in level, much like a Warlock's Eldritch Blast except they're splash attacks instead of ranged touch. You can add your relevant "casting" stat, your Int bonus, to the damage you do with any thrown splash weapon which is nice, and you get Throw Anything at first level. And then you get mutagens, which are kind of eh, but honestly without them it seemed to me like a decent enough class.
But unfortunately what the Alchemist class absolutely CANNOT do in any reasonable manner is CRAFT ALCHEMICAL ITEMS.
What follows is an excerpt from my e-mail to my DM. Now 75% of the gaming I've done with this guy I've been the GM and more importantly he's a big fan of my games, otherwise I wouldn't be using quite such a Dennish tone with him (cause his PF games are the only game in town, so to speak, even though they're not actually IN town, but in any case I don't want to get booted or ragequit). Apologies, this is kind of long.


So anyway yeah, it looks like now I'm playing Pathfinder. It's not my first choice. It's not even my first choice for a flavor of D&D (I still prefer 3.5), but it is the only thing anyone that will game with me is playing so I've got to grin and bear it for now.
I made a 5th Level Catfolk Alchemist. Alchemist in general seems like a pretty solid class but that might be an idiotic statement--I have not been thinking about charop in D&D for a very long time. I like how they can leave extract slots open to prepare whatever is needed, it sort of struck me as a kind of best of both worlds between Wizard prepared casting and Sorcerer spontaneous casting, although obviously it's limited by their spell list which is limited to things you could make extracts (potions) of. For offense they have a separate pool of bombs--I get nine firebombs per day in addition to my extracts. The bombs improve in damage and in other ways you choose as you go up in level, much like a Warlock's Eldritch Blast except they're splash attacks instead of ranged touch. You can add your relevant "casting" stat, your Int bonus, to the damage you do with any thrown splash weapon which is nice, and you get Throw Anything at first level. And then you get mutagens, which are kind of eh, but honestly without them it seemed to me like a decent enough class.
But unfortunately what the Alchemist class absolutely CANNOT do in any reasonable manner is CRAFT ALCHEMICAL ITEMS.
What follows is an excerpt from my e-mail to my DM. Now 75% of the gaming I've done with this guy I've been the GM and more importantly he's a big fan of my games, otherwise I wouldn't be using quite such a Dennish tone with him (cause his PF games are the only game in town, so to speak, even though they're not actually IN town, but in any case I don't want to get booted or ragequit). Apologies, this is kind of long.
So, after all that... What is a good way to make crafting less absolutely fucked that my DM is likely to accept?And now Gest tries to use his Craft Alchemy to craft alchemical items and finds out that crafting in PF is just as much of a trash fire in 3.5.
Pathfinder's rules for crafting items.
I immediately see that the PF rules for crafting your own items haven't changed much from D&D's rules for crafting your own items, which as I recall were a thousand or so words that essentially amounted to "you want to craft your own items? Well FUCK YOU, BUDDY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT." (Warning, Tasteful Understated Nerdrage ahead.)
---
1. Find the item's price in silver pieces (1 gp = 10 sp).
2. Find the item's DC from Table 4-4.
3. Pay 1/3rd of the item's price for the raw material cost.
4. Make an appropriate craft Check representing ONE WEEK'S worth of work. If the check succeeds, multiply your check result by the DC. If the result x the DC equals the price of the item in sp, then you've completed the item. OR make an appropriate Craft check bonus, multiply by DC, and divide by seven if working by the day.
Gest begins crafting alchemical items and poisons. If I can take a 20 on this, that will change all check results to 39 which will would result in an alternate outcome described below.
My Swift Alchemy class feature says it takes me "half the time" to make alchemical items. I'm not really sure how to apply that to the crafting system. I guess I will treat it as letting me make a craft check twice per day. That seems the most logical.
---
Day One, Morning: 3 gp, 3 sp, 3 cp towards Flask of Acid. Rolled 19 + 19 = 38 x 10 = 380 sp/7 = 54 sp towards a flask of acid.
Day One, Afternoon: 2 + 19 = 21 x 10 = 210 sp/7 = 30 sp. 84/100sp of crafting towards making a 10 gp flask of avid. My 5TH LEVEL ALCHEMIST WITH MAX RANKS IN CRAFT ALCHEMY has just spent his entire day making PART of a 10 gp alchemical item. With a nat 19. SAD.
Day Two, Morning: 4 + 19 = 23 x 10 = 230 sp/7 = 32 sp. Yay. He has finally completed a 10gp flask of fucking acid.
Day Two, Afternoon: Aw Jeez. 16 gp, 6 sp, 6 cp towards a flask of antitoxin. 7 + 19 = 26 * DC 25 = 650/7 Sp = 93 sp towards making a single 50 gp vial of antitoxin. ALMOST A FIFTH OF THE WAY THERE!!
Day Three, Morning: 8 + 19 = 27 * DC 25 = 675/7 Sp = 189/500 of the way towards making a single vial of anti-toxin. ALMOST TWO FIFTHS.
Day Three, Afternoon: 9 + 19 = 28 * DC 25 = 700/7 so = 289/500 towards making a single 50 gp vial of anti-toxin. Oooh, more than halfway! Ooo la-la. Two days of work and I've almost built the ability to give a single character a +5 Fort save towards poisons they may or may not get stuck with in the next hour after drinking it! Bravissimo! Surely this class is balanced with the Wizard, the Druid, the Cleric, or even the FUCKING FIGHTER!
Day Four, Morning: : 7 + 19 = 26 * DC 25 = 650/7 = 382/500 towards making an antitoxin. A FULL WEEK of plying his trade and my Fifth Level Alchemist with a +19 Alchemy Bonus has made a 10 gp flask of acid and almost 80% of a 50 gp antitoxin! Wow!!!
Day Four, Afternoon: Day Eight: 13 + 19 = 32 * DC 25 = 800/7 = +114 Sp = 496/500 towards making an antitoxin. Oh...so close yet so far.
Day Five, Morning: 8 + 19 = 27 * DC 25 = 675/7 Sp = +96 Sp = Three days of work and I've managed to make a 50 gp antitoxin! Ooh la la!
Day Five, Afternoon: Alright, going to attempt to make something I really want. Time to stop bitching and make some poisons. Oh wait...poisons have no Craft DC. Um...so I can't...make...poisons? WTF? I have Poison Use as a class feature. Swift Alchemy lets me poison a weapon as a move action. Next level I get swift poisoning which lets me poison a weapon as a swift action. I have Alchemy +19 (Int + 4 plus 8 ranks (max) + class level + 2 for alchemy lab). Why the FUCK can't I make poisons???? Oh okay...okay...the Craft DC equals the fort save. I see it now. Let's get poisoning! Hmm...which one. Blue whinnis isn't going to help me out against anything that doesn't have a crap fort save or roll really badly, but a young poisoner's gotta start somewhere.
40 gp for raw materials to get started. Nat 1. Loverly. I'd have poisoned myself if I didn't have Poison Use! 1 + 19 = 20 * DC 14 = 40/1200 sp towards a complete dose of Blue Whinnis. Le sigh.
Day Six, Morning: 7 + 19 = 26 * DC 14 = 364/7 = +52sp = 92/1200 sp towards a complete dose of Blue Whinnis. Wow.
Day Six, Afternoon: 15 + 19 = 34 * DC 14 = 476/7 = + 160/1200 sp towards a complete dose of Blue Whinnis.
Day Seven, Morning: 7 + 19 = 26 * DC 14 = 365/7 = +52so = 212/1200 sp towards a complete dose of Blue Whinnis.
Day Seven, Afternoon: 18 + 29 = 37 * DC 14 = 518/7 = +74 sp = 286/1200 sp towards a complete dose of Blue Whinis.
So let's review. In a FULL WEEK of plying his trade, my Level 5 Alchemist with a +19 Craft (Alchemy) bonus has managed to make: a single 10 gp flash of acid, a single 50 gp antitoxin, and is ALMOST 25% of the way towards completing a single dose of a basic poison with a Fortitude save of 14. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG HERE!!!! We need some house rules STAT!
SERIOUSLY, IF THIS WAS HOW ALCHEMY WORKED, ABSALOM WOULD FALL APART. The average alchemist running a shop full of infinite alchemist's fire, smokesticks, tindertwigs, tanglefoot bags, and thunderstones for you to buy doesn't have my absurd +19 bonus. And he is most likely an Expert, so he definitely doesn't have Swift Alchemy. With a +10 bonus, an alchemist can make two flasks of acid per week, and that's it. How the fuck is that going to keep up with the demand from adventurers? It isn't!!
Day Eight, Morning: 7 + 19 = 26 * DC 14 = 364/7 = +52 sp = 338/1200 sp towards a dose of Blue Whinnis.
Day Eight, Afternoon: 14 + 19 = 33 * DC 14 = 462/7 = +66 sp = 404/1200 sp towards a dose of Blue Whinnis.
Day Nine, Morning: 17 + 19 = 36 * DC 14 = 504/7 = +72 sp = 476/1200 towards a dose of Blue Whinnis.
Day Nine, Afternoon: 10 + 19 = 29 * DC 14 = 406/7 = +58 sp = 534/1200 towards a dose of Blue Whinnis.
Day Ten, Morning: 10 + 19 = 29 * DC 14 = 406/7 = +58 sp = 592/1200 towards a dose of Blue Whinnis. Holy assfucking shit, four and a half days and I am ALMOST HALFWAY to making a poison with a Fort Save DC of 14.
Day Ten, Afternoon: NAT 20 + 19 = 39 * DC 14 = 546/7 = +78 sp = 670/1200. With the BEST POSSIBLE ROLL, a character with Craft (Alchemy) +19 can produce a single dose of mediocre poison at a rate of +6.5% per day.
Day Eleven, Morning: 3 + 19 = 22 * DC 14 = 308/7 = +44 sp = 714/1200
Day Eleven, Afternoon: 3 + 19 = 22 * DC 14 = 308/7 = +44 sp = 758/1200
Day Twelve, Morning: NAT 20 + 19 = 39 * DC 14 = 546/7 = +78 sp = 836/1200
Day Twelve, Afternoon: 19 + 19 = 38 * DC 14 = 532/7 - + 76 sp = 912/1200
Day Thirteen, Morning: 15 + 19 = 34 * 14 = 476 = +68 sp = 980/1200
Day Thirteen, Afternoon: 13 + 19 = 32 * 14 = 448/7 = +64 sp = 1044/1200
Day Fourteen, Morning: 11 + 19 = 30 * 14 = 420/7 = +60 sp = 1104/1200
Day Fourteen, Afternoon: 10 + 19 = 29 * 14 = 406/7= +58sp = 1162/1200
ONCE AGAIN, LET'S REVIEW: My 5th Level alchemist with max ranks in Craft (Alchemy) and access to an alchemist's laboratory has now spent an entire WEEK trying to finish a SINGLE DOSE of a mediocre poison he had already been working on for two and a half days...AND FAILED. For this failure I have been required to do ALL OF THE ABOVE math and book keeping. If I had just rolled for Blue Whinnis as a weekly check, I'd have gotten:
First Half Of Week: 19 + 19 = 38 * 14 = 532/1200 Sp towards 1 Dose Blue Whinnis
Second Half of Week: 1 + 19 = 20 * 14 = +280 Sp = 812/1200
Less dice rolling, less math, still just as fail. We are beginning to see the problem, yes?
Day Fifteen, Morning: 11 + 19 = 30 * 14 = 420/7 = +60 sp = GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH it only took me 10 Days but I made a single fucking dose of poison that probably won't even work against a level-appropriate enemy.
Day Fifteen, Afternoon: Hey, that ultimate equipment guide has got a lot of cool alchemical stuff. Let's make something from there. Hmm...meditation tea sounds good, I do have a very weak Will save. And it's just 30 gp. So, 10 gp of raw materials spent. Nat 1 + 19 = 20 * DC 20 = 400/7 = 57/300 sp towards making meditation tea.
Day Sixteen, Morning: 5 + 19 = 24 * DC 20 = 480/7 = +68 sp = 125/300 sp towards tea.
Day Sixteen, Afternoon: 13 + 19 = 32 * DC 20 = 640/7 = +91 sp = 216/300 sp towards tea.
Day Seventeen, Morning: 7 + 19 = 26 * DC 20 = 520/7 = +74 sp = 290/300 sp towards tea. So close, yet so far.
Day Seventeen, Afternoon: 10 + 19 = 29 * DC 20 = 580/7 = +82 sp = Two and a half days of effort, one cup of Meditation Tea, and an extremely short lived one time +2 alchemical bonus to saves against mind-affecting spells.
Day 18: Gest realizes you are not allowed to craft items in Pathfinder, and goes to just buy the rest of the stuff he wants like he didn't have a +19 bonus in Craft Alchemy.
---Alternate Outcome (Not Good, Or Even Balanced, But A Little Better)---
Assuming we allow Take 20 every day (which I believe is NOT RAW):
Day 1A +390/7 = + 55sp. 55/100 Acid Flask.
Day 1B +390/7= +55 sp. Acid Flask done.
Day 2A: 39 * 25 = 975/7 = +139 sp. 139/500 Antitoxin.
Day 2B: 39 * 25 = 975/7 = +139 sp. 278/500 Antitoxin.
Day 3A: 39 * 25 = 975/7 = +139 sp. 417/500 Antitoxin.
Day 3B 39 * 25 = 975/7 = +139 sp. Antitoxin done.
Day 4A: 39 * 14 = 546/7 = 78/1200 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 4B: 39 * 14 = 546/7 = +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 5A: 39 * 14 = 546/7 = +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 5B: 39 * 14 = 546/7 = +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis.
Day 6A: 39 * 14 = 546/7 = +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 6B: 39 * 14 = 546/7 = +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 7A: 39 * 14 = 546/7 = +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis.
Day 7B: 39 * 14 = 546/7 = + 78 sp towards Blue Whinnis. At end of week: 624/1200 towards Blue Whinnis.
Day 8A + 78 sp towards Blue Whinnis.
Day 8B + 78 sp towards Blue Whinnis.
Day 9A + 78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 9B + 78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 10A +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 10B +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 11A +78 sp towards Blue Whinnis
Day 11B +78 sp towards Blue Whinnnis and it's finally done. So even with the house rule of taking 20...my Alchemist still spent 8 GODDAMN DAYS to make a single dose of an underwhelming poison that will almost certainly not work on level appropriate enemies.
Day 12A : 39 * 20 = 780/7 = 111/300 Meditation Tea.
Day 12B: +111 sp towards Meditation Tea.
Day 13A: +111 sp towards Meditation Tea. Meditation Tea Complete.
Day 13B: You know, that Suspiraedaemon we killed was tough. Wish I had some more reliable way to harm evil outsiders than my CL1 wand of Magic Missile. Ah ha! Holy water. Oh....even though Holy Water is classified as an alchemical item in the UEG, looks like Alchemists can't actually make it. You just need to cast bless water on regular water. So this is an alchemical item that clerics and paladins can make, but alchemists can't. Groovy. Well in that case back to fucking poison. As we've established, a HIGHER target number seems to get an item done faster. Let me cross-reference the highest Fort Save DC for a poison with the lowest cost. Dragon Bile is tempting but Purple Worm Poison hits the sweet spot with a Save DC of 24 and a cost of 700 gp. I'll lay out the 233 gold, 3 silver, and 3 copper for raw materials.
Day 14A: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 14B +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 15A: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 15B: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 16A: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 16B: +134 sp towards PWP
Day 17A: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 17B: +134 sp towards PWP
Day 18A: +134 sp towards PWP
Day 18B: +134 sp towards PWP
Day 19A: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 19B: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 20A: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 20B: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 21A: +134 sp towards PWP.
Day 21B: +134 sp towards PWP leaving me 1,876/7000 towards PWP. Extrapolating, using the weekly rate, I get 1,872 the second week and each week thereafter. It takes an even month to craft a SINGLE DOSE of a moderately dangerous poison. And I don't know if this game is going to be downtime city or something, but I've never played in or run a D&D campaign where you could reliably expect to have a month of downtime to do ANYTHING.
CRAFTING: HOW TO FIX?
I have a list of alchemical items/poisons I want to buy but I want to hold off to see if we can together come up with a houserule that makes crafting them myself a thing, considering it kind of seems like one of if not THE core feature of my class.