FATAL review?

[Prak]

I found the current (as far as I can tell) pdf for FATAL thanks to TVTropes, and am morbidly curious about it.

Would anyone be interested in a FATAL Rant-view? Understand that I'm far from a system-fanboy, so far in fact that I tend to give any system a chance, including this. Content-wise, I can see why some of it's there, that doesn't make "the penalty for homosexuality is worse than the penalty for forcing sex on your wife" any less stupid, but it's somewhat accurate to the emulated time period. The same way that okaying taking females as war trophies would be accurate to an iron age game.

Any interest?

[Guyr Adamantine]

I found the current (as far as I can tell) pdf for FATAL thanks to TVTropes, and am morbidly curious about it.

Would anyone be interested in a FATAL Rant-view? Understand that I'm far from a system-fanboy, so far in fact that I tend to give any system a chance, including this. Content-wise, I can see why some of it's there, that doesn't make "the penalty for homosexuality is worse than the penalty for forcing sex on your wife" any less stupid, but it's somewhat accurate to the emulated time period. The same way that okaying taking females as war trophies would be accurate to an iron age game.

Any interest?

Anal circumference roll. That is all.

[Wrathzog]

What the Christ.

For what possible reason would you want to make this check on Infants (who may or may not be accustomed to anal sex)?

[Koumei]

For what possible reason would you want to make this check

You could have finished it there.

I like how you can roll a higher "Average words per minute" than "Maximum words per minute", too.

[fectin]

What exactly is your problem here anyway? Hall did 1000's of hours of research, and learned that babies had anuses then. If you think that babies didn't have anuses then, you'd better show a source that says that.
This is a historicaly/mythically accurate game, and it needs a high level of detail.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

To me, it's not the squick portion of the game (which I tend to be resistant to anyway in most cases). The system is clunky, there are WAY too many d10000 rolls on charts, your skill increases are mostly random (If you increase a skill you roll randomly to see how much it can increase), and it just doesn't seem like it would flow intuitively.

Keep in mind to get the gross squicky portions, you have to pour through hundreds of pages of tables for things that are boring (Yes, I understand that no one is completely symmetrical, but I don't need to roll on a table to find out that one arm is 1/2" longer than the other).

[mean_liar]

There's a pretty scathing review here:
http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/14/14567.phtml

Or...
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=FATAL+rpg+review

[Red_Rob]

A review seems unnecessary. FATAL isn't a game anyone would seriously sit down to play (although our gaming group has joked about it), its the punchline to a thousand jokes. At this point discussion of the system's faults and foibles would be kind of redundant.

[Almaz]

A review seems unnecessary. FATAL isn't a game anyone would seriously sit down to play (although our gaming group has joked about it), its the punchline to a thousand jokes. At this point discussion of the system's faults and foibles would be kind of redundant.

No, people have actually tried.

This game deserves to be crucified as a warning to others.

[Maxus]

No, people have actually tried.

This game deserves to be crucified as a warning to others.

Let it suffer for it sins. I shall bring the long nails.

Did you know it has an 'official theme song'?

[Prak]

To me, it's not the squick portion of the game (which I tend to be resistant to anyway in most cases). The system is clunky, there are WAY too many d10000 rolls on charts, your skill increases are mostly random (If you increase a skill you roll randomly to see how much it can increase), and it just doesn't seem like it would flow intuitively.

Keep in mind to get the gross squicky portions, you have to pour through hundreds of pages of tables for things that are boring (Yes, I understand that no one is completely symmetrical, but I don't need to roll on a table to find out that one arm is 1/2" longer than the other).

Actually, not really. The squicky, weird stuff starts in races, where nephilim can defy condoms and infertility, or make babies spew from all directions like some excrement geyser pinwheel with a touch. Bugbears, furry bastards that they are, can kill people through sex, and their "manhoods" have furry heads. And this is just the first two races. The others didn't have much remarkable in the way of sex related or gross out features (though two of the dwarf races seem to be kind of half-assed arabic and black stereotypes respectively, but, neh, probably not intentional.)

[fectin]

And for a surprising change of pace: a positive review of FATAL!

http://www.rpg.net/news+reviews/reviews/rev_5754.html

[Prak]

And for a surprising change of pace: a positive review of FATAL!

http://www.rpg.net/news+reviews/reviews/rev_5754.html

the dynamic testosterone levels of my collegiate gaming group

...
wat.

[fectin]

M2F gender reassignment?

[Prak]

So, I'm going through the pdf, just making notes on the things that standout, and I'm at 10 pages of review, and only through the first 8 chapters.

God this game is terrible...

[Koumei]

Well, not to say "We all told you so", but...

[Prak]

No no, I fully understand, it's the consequence of my own morbid curiosity. It's actually kind of entertaining seeing how deep the rabbit hole of terrible game goes.

Urination is a skill. I think that's the current depth, no other terrible piece is worse than knowing you can improve your skill at urinating on things.

Edit: basically it comes down to this, FATAL is not a game in the traditional sense. It is so full of determining tables for pointless minutiae which should be left to player description and decision, if ever mentioned at all, that it is more the parameters one would program into the Holodeck on the Starship Enterprise to create a dystopianly accurate simulation of a fantasy medieval setting.

And then get court martialed for lewd and unbecoming use of the Holodeck, even if you hadn't used the program yet.

It could produce something entertaining if it were the background programming for a computer game which allowed you to create your character as you saw fit with a much simpler system. But as it stands? It straddles the line between "terible gamecruft" and "eldritch abomination of human endeavour."

[Prak]

FATAL REVIEW

I have gone through the entirety of what, as far as I can tell, is the most up to date PDF of FATAL, I have made notes on everything that was notable, rather than pare it down to make an actual article, I'm just going to paste up the notes, because to pare it down is to make it seem better than it is, or to flanderize the review into harping on fatal without specific citations, which Hall has accused reviewers of, and I'm convinced that he obsessively searches for reviews of his game because he actually seems to take things out routinely.

---

So, FATAL. (spoilered by chapter to combat WALL O TEXT)
Cover, Intro

The cover is, frankly, terrible. It's not as bad as it was when RPGnet reviewed the book, but the art is pretty bad. The font of the title is honestly the only really good thing here. It's actually a kind of classy font. The cover art is of a, I must assume, male anakim in a posing strap messily bashing in the head of a kobold behind him as he pelvic thrusts at another kobold who holds the chain around a naked woman's neck. The woman is straining for a bloody pick on the floor of the mine they're in, and the man is snarling with his face that would suit the most pathetically horrifying mid west metal fan teenager. Chubby cheeked, buzzed sides, mullet. If this is the artist's rendition of the author, which I would not put past them, well, I'm sorry to the author, I hope he didn't pay too much (I just noticed the author pic at the back of the book while looking for the character sheet, it's not the artist's rendition of him). Also, the mine shaft, which is implied to belong to the kobolds, is strangely large enough for the anakim to fit in comfortably. Oh well, we see that kind of thing in fantasy gaming all the time, can't really hold it against FATAL.

The first page has a picture of a nude woman chained down to an altar, the side of which holds the title, and she glares at you as if you were the one who chained her there. It has the author's name placed below the second cheesecake picture, and the Fatal Games logo. To their credit, the picture is work safe, with a leather strap across the woman's chest hiding her nipples. The cover piece was as well, using strategically placed hair, arm and knee.

This is followed by publishing info page, and the all but obligatory “intro, what we're about, what is roleplaying, etc.” page. I'm sorry, but if this is your intro to gaming, there's something wrong. Even if the game isn't as bad as it's reputation says (I'm writing this as I go through, so the verdict's still out on that-- scratch that, it's pretty damned bad), reputation alone says “stay away.” So either you have a friend that really loves this thing and thought that a game where you determine anal circumference was a great introduction to the hobby, or you found it, most likely along with a review, or the TV Tropes page, or something of the sort and thought “Wow! A game about rape and ultra violence with lots of racism, this sounds great!” in which case I would like you to go to your nearest mental hospital and tell them about this, they should remove you from society as appropriate.

The second section of these pages is titled “Fantasy and Historical Accuracy,” which is about as flawed a premise from the get go as a paper titled “But What About All the Good Things Hitler Did?” It is also, however, along with the opening paragraph talking about the fantasy world it uses, where we see why this book doesn't necessarily comprise evidence that the author needs to go kill himself. It does however comprise evidence that the author should never be allowed near gaming. The opening paragraph begins by stating that it is a “fantasy medieval roleplaying game that focuses on realism and detail whenever possible, without sacrificing fun.” I'm sorry, but the detail of my character's anal circumference is not exactly fun filled. It could be handy to know, I will admit, but I try to steer clear of such situations in gaming, regardless of my out of game predilections. The second section then talks about how they try to be historically accurate with a fantasy setting. Which seems to amount to “by throwing out real history.” Seriously. They focus on Europe, thus deeming everything outside of Europe outside of the game, and therefore not existing. There are no eastern spices, for example. All human characters are Caucasian. Zombies don't exist and corpses are burnt, because Egypt invented embalming (I'm actually not certain about that one, but I'm too lazy to wiki it). Oh, also because it's a fantasy world, and thus requires a certain amount of magic and pagan stuff, Christianity is assumed to have never existed in the world of FATAL. So... Spain is not catholic, Britain is not protestant. One could also assume that knights do not exist. But lets face it, they probably do. Yeah, loads of historical accuracy here.
Next is the always boring “what is a role playing game” section, containing possibly the most damning single passage from the book, which sets damn near everyone's mind on fire such that they want to start drinking and be done with their read through:
“For instance, assume you are an adventuring knight who has just fought his way to the top of a dark tower where you find a comely young maiden chained to the wall. What would you do? Some players may choose to simply free the maiden out of respect for humanity. Others may free her while hoping to win her heart. Instead of seeking affection, some may talk to her to see if they can collect a reward for her safe return. Then again, others may be more interested in negotiating freedom for fellatio. Some may thing she has no room to bargain and take their fleshly pleasure by force. Others would rather kill her, dismember her young cadaver, and feast on her warm innards.”
Now, strictly speaking, the author is not encouraging those last few. Also, I must admit, I've played a character that would have likely taken the last option, but he was cursed and had to eat flesh of sentient creatures or lose con. Never have I met anyone who would take the “hell, she's chained to a wall! I'll just rape her!” option. If I ever saw someone take that option in a game, I would stare blankly at them and probably kill their character through some gygaxian vagina death trap, if not straight up tell them to get the fuck out. The next paragraph goes on to praise this freedom of choice as what makes RPGs great, and I agree. I much prefer tabletop games to video games, because I'm not limited by the actions coded into the game. If I want my beefy hero to seduce Aphrodite upon meeting her, I don't have to make sure I'm playing God of War first. If I want my beefy grecian hulk to decapitate her upon meeting, I don't have to make sure I'm not playing God of War. I do, however, need to make sure my group is cool with the level of seduction I want to play out. And I'm sure there are groups out there where characters are regularly raping captive maidens. And I don't want to know the people in those groups, ever. The closest I'm comfortable with getting to them is a ten foot pool with a point on the end, ie, a spear.

The required materials are fairly standard, really. Dice, pencil, character sheet (which, by the way, is 11 pages. Even I think that's pushing things...). Character Generator Program (well, when your sheet is 11 pages, yeah, I guess that is necessary), Neveria Fantasy World (I'm hoping that's the title of the supposed setting book), minis, mat, calculator and players. Yes, those last two are seriously on the list. It has a little section on math, which is honestly helpful, because I have had to explain to people “look, you're trying to take 20% off the thing, just multiply it by .8. Seriously, it works.” It also notes that decimal figures are ignored. If your int winds up 59.95, it's just 59. Bit of a gyp, but easy enough.

Then it goes on to talk about roles. In FATAL, the game runner is called the Aedile (pron. EE-dial, apparently). Yes. It's apparently the title of a roman official who oversaw games. Cute. What was that at the beginning? Oh, right, things outside of medieval Europe don't exist in FATAL. Hmm... well, whatever.
...oh god, he just rhymed. He says objectivity should be the goal of all aediles. True. “Otherwise, the aedile may become known as a Vile Aedile or Hostile Aedile.” ….*sigh* time to get the scotch...

It then talks about character creation, encouraging one to progress through the book page by page so as to not miss anything (all 977 of them). Ok, fine, whatever. That's rather different, but I guess while Hall acts like this is a comprehensive book of the system, PHB, DMG and MM all in one, really he considers it the PHB, and doesn't think there might be anything that players of characters don't need to bother learning.

Now, a discussion of how the game is intended for adults. I have quibbles with the first two pages being censored in a book for only adults, but whatever, that's just me. It mentions that it uses lots of obscenity, due to it's great historical prominence. Yes, sure, Shakespeare talked about dicks and pussy, though he usually did so through euphemism, not by flat out saying “[EDITED].” Not that I have issue with the word, but... again, their claim to historical accuracy is flimsy. It does however say that throughout the rules, obscenity is kept to a minimum, and mostly concentrated around a “random magical effects” chapter for humourous effect. Sure, that's fine, and is honestly probably more restrained than White Wolf's use of obscenity, where every in character piece sounded like it was being played by 12 year olds who have just figured out that their mother can't hear them in the basement. I've noticed some ass covering copy-pasta in this section though. Each paragraph that amounts to “hey, heads up, we're going to be talking about [insert socially frowned upon subject here]” contains the following sentence:
“(This game includes [].) Fatal Games considers [] to be a sensitive issue, and only includes it because of it's prominence in the past as a significant part of human history.”
Seriously, it uses that four paragraphs in a row for obscenity, sex, graphic violence and rape. It goes on, in the rape paragraph, to say it does not encourage rape to be a core element of the game as killing is a core element in others, and explains it's possible presence is due to the presence of sex and violence. Sorry, I'm pretty sure that rape isn't going to be introduced to the Duke Nukem games anytime soon (and not just because it takes forever to get a sequel), and those games are about as over the top with sex and violence as you're likely to see in a professional product. Basically it's a big section saying “If you have a problem with this book covering [distasteful subject], take it up with the Greeks.”

Race

Finally we move on to mechanics. The first of which is race. It states that the races are drawn from European folk lore, must be mortal, bipedal, and smaller than giants. It also tells you to ask your Aedile if races are chosen or randomly determined in his game. I'm sorry, but “no one chooses their race in real life” realism is bullshit, and if I turn up to a game and the gm says I need to remake my character and roll for race, I'm closing his balls in a door. For those curious, the races are Anakim (half-demons), Bugbears, Black, Brown and White Dwarves, Light and Dark Elves, Humans, Kobolds, Cliff, Gruagach, Kinder-fresser and Normal Ogres, and Borbytingama, Hill and Subterranean Trolls. You'll notice that once again a christian concept, namely renamed nephilim, the Anakim, are popping up in a setting supposedly free of christian elements. While evil spirits do show up in many pagan theologies, Anakim are explicitly the children of mortals and fallen angels, typically incubi and succubi. This is all christian. But... well, you'll notice it a lot. I invite you to turn it into a drinking game. An interesting fact is that most races are roughly the height of a human, yes, even the kobolds. Dwarves are the shortest, standing chest high to a human, though humans stand roughly chest high to Anakim, Trolls, Bugbears, and Ogres. Your race determines sub-ability modifiers, base armour, base life points, disposition and temperment modifiers (disposition seems to be alignment, while temperment refers to the medieval concept of humours and temperments, melancholic, sanguine, phlegmatic, etc.), language and skills and talks about the physical description, society, common occupations, religion and names of the race. A giant appendix also has tables for names by race which I might actually nab for use in D&D.

Now, the oddities of races. Anakim have a +5 to sexual adeptness. So basically, for all their talk about FATAL being a normal game and sex being optional to the play of it, right off the bat you know that Anakim are pretty good in the sack. I suppose this makes sense for a race that is commonly half-incubus, but, still... That's not the weirdest part, though. The weirdest part of Anakim is their traits. Yes, as an Anakim, you get 1d10 traits from a table of 100 that takes the next 3 and a half pages. The first of which is “You have absolute fertility.” A male anakim with this trait will impregnate any female he fucks, and a female will always get pregnant. It makes no mention of what happens in cases of infertility or protection, so you might well assume that anakim ignore condoms and make vasectomies and tied tubes meaningless. The third trait allows them to inspire “bestial lust.” Because, you know, this game totally isn't about sex, no, not at all... There are some other ridiculous ones, like “afflict target within sight with a random magical effect once per week,” and “make children scream on sight, and shit, piss and vomit with a touch.” It also includes flaws such as repelled by holy ground, fixation on consuming the genitalia of the dead, blood for sexual fluids (nope, totally not a game about sex), being cannibalistic and sickened by vegetable matter, etc. And that's just page one of the chart, items 1-29. As bad as the random magical effects ability is, balance wise, there are worse, like “immune to non-magic weapons,” for example.

Bugbears are basically exceptionally hairy norse men that eat children and talk about world domination, ….whose pelts are valued by other races, who find them annoying. That's... strange, but, ok, I guess I might consider killing and wearing the pelt of a sentient that ate my kid... It also tells you flat out that if a bugbear rapes a woman of another species, they may become pregnant, though the fetus will miscarry, and that a lot of women die from uteral rupture. ...Gee, I can't imagine why people think this is a game about rape... ...and thank you FATAL book for telling me that bugbear dicks have hair on the head... I really needed to know that... *retch *

Dwarves have three races, each named for the colour of their clothing. Wow, I'll bet stars on their bellies was just too absurd. One cool thing is that dwarves can naturally shapeshift, even if only into the forms of butterflies, chipmonks and owls (and in play, probably usually owls.), though doing so saps their strength. Black dwarves are known for attacking humans on sight, often with road traps, brown dwarves for being, basically, cobbler elves, and white dwarves for... coming to the surface in the summer and taking butterfly form. ...ok then.

All elves protect forests, whether they're dark or light, but dark elves are evil, excuse me, “immoral,” and thus protect their forests through immoral means. Which I can only assume means they rape any taken captives, when there are survivors at all. Alright, that's fine, it's kind of a Seelie/Unseelie thing, taken to logical conclusions for what the worst things you could expect from inhuman evil characters are. I really don't have issue with that so long as it doesn't come up in game, I mean, I've rolled up Vashar characters for D&D, and rape is how that race says hello.
No, the stupid, gross thing for elves is that due to their purely vegetarian diet, there is a mechanic that states they fart 3d10 times per day. And, sure, that's really just me disdaining fart humour, but do we really need to roll to find out how often a character farts because of his race's diet? I know people who would be tempted to play this race purely for this fact.
Then their life span is dependent upon the size of their forest. That's kind of cool, but I'm really not too sure whether it's good. Harming the forest doesn't affect the elves, but destroying it kills all elves of that forest. So, basically, if you're having trouble with an elf, trick it into telling you which forest it's from and set it on fire. That's actually really bad for a playable race. Like, really, terribly bad, because it means the GM can just kill your character off any time he feels like it.
OH FUN. Elves aren't really even playable. Why? Because if you move away from your forest, your health and strength sub abilities are reduced by 1 each for each mile.
Like dwarves, elves can naturally shape shift, with duration based on their age. Unlike dwarves, their forms could actually be useful, cat, dog, fox and rabbit. ...I didn't say immensely useful. Oh, and you roll for your personal maximum duration. If your playing a child, it's possible that you can turn into a cat for a second. Yeah, that's... absolutely useless. Also like dwarves, shapeshifting saps your strength.
Why would you want to play an elf in FATAL? I have no clue.

Humans are humans. One of the included common last names is Hall, cute.

Kobolds are roughly human height, with silvery white, cracked, heat resistant skin. They're otherwise the usual mine spirit inspired race. They also, however, are lazy and enslave other races, using children to dig mineshafts and adults for heavy labour. This, actually, so far, isn't a bad race write up. Not necessarily something you'd want to present as a standard PC race, since they're essentially evil, but so far not terrible. One kind of interesting point is that they prefer human slaves, and don't allow them to stand, but only kneel to dig, but otherwise crawl on hands and knees, to maintain dominance. I think this is actually the best race write up, certainly so far. It's relatively concise, has a bit of flavour, and describes relations with other races. It doesn't mention rape, the nature of kobold genitalia, or how sex with one will fuck you over. It mentions a non-mechanical, flavour based way to get on their good side (give them beer and porridge, and convince them there's no trickery). All in all it's a well done race, with no “Oh, you can't adventure because leaving your forest kills you” bullshit. The only bad part of the Kobold write up is the fact that there's a mechanical trait hidden in the flavour, kobolds take half damage from magical fire. That's a bit forgivable, to be honest, I think, because I think that's the kind of thing that you would eventually remember was there.

Ogres. They're smelly, ugly, cannibalistic, easily outwitted, yeah, ogres. Four subtypes, Base, Gruagach, Cliff and Kinder-Fresser. Kinder-fresser means “Child eater,” essentially. I think earlier versions of the game had the Kinder-fresser ogres child rapists too, based on another review, but that's been dropped. However, we are still faced with the fact that there is a PC race that eats children as it's main distinguishing factor. Base Ogres have no language by default, though some are “gifted” and able to speak Cigan. Base Ogres are, however, loners, so kind of terrible for a PC, but overcome-able. Cliff Ogres have more of a society, but still no language unless gifted. Their main distinguishing feature is that they compete in friendly competitions of “who can throw a person the farthest.” Gruagachs are hairy, still no language unless gifted, though theirs is Gruagan. I can only assume it grew out of small groups of gifted gruagach complaining about the dumb fat bastards they're forced to share a race with. Ogres of any type do not have names, but may acquire names in Sapien (ie, human), based on their traits, demeanors, endeavors, etc.
Why would anyone want to play an Ogre? Well, I suppose if you're doing solo hack and slash, they're pretty good, as they're the biggest, strongest race playable, and a solo game wouldn't care about the dimwittedness and inability to communicate. ...as much.
Oh, and Kinder-fresser can speak Sapien, and can fool children into thinking it's their parents talking to them. I suppose if your ok with your character being a literal child eating monster, they're not a terrible race. Oh, and a kinder-fresser's voice does not attract attention. It's weird, but could be useful as a party specific alarm.

Trolls. Borbytingarna, hill and subterranean. Borbys are tall, slender trolls that wrestle and brawl. They'll kill if they fear for their life, if not, they play with their prey. They also tenderize their prey by slamming around unconscious and dead creatures. No society, no language, no names. Hill trolls are horrifically fat, with a distended belly that drags on the ground, with obsidian claws. They brawl and wrestle, and favour eating the internal organs of other races, especially the brain, though not the thalamus. Whatever. Oh, and they get sexually aroused by the taste of the limbic system. Have fun with that. No society, no language, no names. Though I would nickname one Sylar. Subterranean trolls are a subrace that was loyal to the king god of trolls (...and the race write ups say that Trolls have never considered the existence of gods...) and were blessed with higher intelligence, while a lesser troll god cursed them to turn to stone in sunlight out of anger. I'm puzzled here, but maybe trolls have a pantheon but are exceptionally impious. Funny, the less intelligent one is the more likely they seem to be religious, in my real life experience, but, whatever. Male Subterranean trolls are ugly, females beautiful, but not as beautiful as human or light elf females, which causes female subterranean trolls to be murderously jealous. They also sexually experiment with large males of other races, except Gruagach, because, well, yeah, not exactly trading up, is it? There's no possibility for cross-fertilization, and they know this. Ok, that's not terrible, slightly unnecessary, at least in the terms used, but whatever. Subterranean trolls have language, religion, society and names.

So, that's it for the player races. A lot are evil. Evil enough to be...unconcerned with consent, shall we say. Sure, so far the game isn't explicitly about rape, but thirteen of the sixteen playable races are evil, and well, it'd take a certain amount of roleplaying gymnastics for rape to be out of character for a member of one of those races. Honestly, kobold, human, and dwarf are the most playable races. If you house rule that elves can leave their forests without becoming Stephen Hawking, then they're not too bad either.

Oh, and the races chapter has the first two exceptionally useless charts, racial hatred. The degree of racial hatred is rated 1-5, with 1 being a preference and 5 being hatred, involving insults and violence being common. One chart is general racial hatred, the other allows you to determine your character's personal hatred of other races using 3d10. Then there's a section giving you racial slurs. Like, human males call male anakim raptors, females hourglasses, while human females call anakim males skin-loaf or stovepiper (due to the size of their “manhood”) and females “demon-whores.”

Gender

Next is gender. Yes, gender gets a full section, because it affects your stats and demeanor. This is dumb. I understand why one might be inclined to include it. It's realistic, statistically, to say that male characters are taller, or stronger. However, it's really stupid to include it. Like, exceptionally so. It just pisses people off. It also goes on to discuss society and gender from a medieval standpoint, and warn against defying cultural norms. Ignoring the fact that a lot of those cultural norms came from christianity. Take a drink.

As a side note, I skipped ahead out of curiosity raised by a video review. Wheelmaker is given less than 1/10th the space given to the occupation “prostitute.” I put it in quotation marks because apparently that's not what the page actually says, but the reviewers weren't “going to call women that.” So, I'm curious to see what it is. Occupations, aka, classes, are chapter 7. There are five chapters on everything from body, to society, to disposition and morality before you get to chose your character's CLASS. (and whatever it was Hall must have changed it. He certainly seems to listen to feedback... That or they merely objected to the term Whore.)

Body

Remember what I said a few paragraphs up about useless tables? Welcome to chapter 2, Body. (yep, six pages, and we're only talking about chapter 2) This chapter is almost entirely useless tables. You know how in D&D you have to figure out what exactly a 20 Cha means? In FATAL you find out by rolling, usually taking into account race, gender, and sometimes age. Oh, but seemingly not your abilities, but never mind that, you're not even to the step of figuring out what those are yet! Now follows a list of all the tables in this chapter:

• Age
• Lifespan
• Lifespan Modifiers for Height, Weight, Hair Colour, Hair Length, Foot
• Size and Head Circumference
• Height
• Height Modifiers for Weight, Strength and Bodily Attractiveness
• Weight
• Weight Modifier to Strength
• BMI to determine whether you are ideal, underweight or overweight
• BMI Modifiers to Bodily Attractiveness (being underweight or overweight both decrease male bodily attractiveness, unless you're an ogre, in which case being underweight doesn't matter, but only being overweight negatively affects non-troll females.)
• Body Part Proportion
• Most Attractive and Repulsive Features (with modifiers to Bodily Attractiveness or Facial or Kinetic Charisma)
• Skin Colour with associated Race Modifiers
• Hair Colour (three different tables, for different race groups)
• Hair Length
• Hair Thickness and Type (more modifiers to attractiveness)
• Eye Colour
• Breadth (a percentage of height based on your race, but not your weight, so it's possible to be underweight and broad)
• Vision (with modifiers to aim, search and sight)
• Facial Features (with presumed characteristic and modifiers, ie, large ears? People think you're dumb and you lose some attractiveness. Ears higher than eyebrows? People think you're smart, and you gain attractiveness)
• Freak of Nature (1d1,000,000. 0000001 means you have a birth defect but weren't killed for it. Yes, you could play a literal child eating ogre, and you would be more socially acceptable than the human with the supernumerary nipple. I'm surprised that your character is assumed to have survived, and it doesn't require another roll to see if you were killed as a freak or not. On the other hand, being a hermaphrodite means no gender modifiers at the cost of 1d10 bodily attractiveness, which is actually a decent trade off)
  -Now Sexual Features tables, included at the Aedile's discretion. But let's be honest, if you have decided to see what FATAL is like, why not roll these? I mean, other than preservation of one's sanity.-
• Areola Diameter
• Areola Hue
• Cup Size and a Table for Cup Size Modifiers by Age (relative to race. But it's possible to be an infant with A cups. That's kind of awkward. Oh, and AA and A give Bodily Attractiveness [hereafter BA] penalties, C and D give BA bonuses, B and greater than D are neutral. I assume that the freakishness (in game) of having breasts larger than D is outweighed by the in game philosophy of “bigger is better”)
• Nipple Length (with the median range giving a BA bonus, being just under neutral, and all else a penalty. Oh, but only for female characters. It's also possible for the character to have one or both nipples inverted.)
• Vaginal Circumference (modifiers based on age, whether the character is a mother, slut or nympho, and no, those aren't mutually exclusive) It is possible to have a human infant character with a 5-6” VC if you assume it's possible for the infant to be a nymphomaniac.
• Vaginal Depth Potential (not a table, but still something you have a way of determining)
• Tongue Size (modified by race and age)
• Anal Circumference Potential (A male human infant that is a nympho and greatly accustomed to anal penetration can have a 6-8” ACP. WHY?)
• Infant Mortality Rate (as far as I can tell, you roll it when you produce a child in game, but really.... yeah...)
• Manhood. The chart is actually just a “roll this, this is your modifier (it's a percentage)” but you roll 10d100, divide by 5, and subtract 1. Your base length is your height stepped down a unit. So a 6' male has a 6” manhood at base. You then appply your modifier to your base manhood. Base circumference is 85% of your length, modified by a second roll on the manhood table.
  -Now we move on to “Rare Features.” Features that won't generally come up in game, but you may, for some reason, want to find out. I mean, how else will you know if fisting that infant ogress hooker will kill her?-
• Foot Size
• Fist Circumference
• Handedness
• Head Circumference
• Complication of Pregnancy
• Gestation
• Result of Pregnancy
• Other Stuff
• Allergies. Apparently if your health is too low, you have an allergy,
• Intoxication (footed by the latin inscription Nunc Est Bibendum, Now We Must Drink. To which I say; now? I was tempted 5 pages ago. Of this review.)
• Intoxication by Marijuana
• Bad Trip Effects for Psychadelic Mushrooms
• Random Disease at the end of a lengthy section describing diseases both physiological and mental (you might randomly contract Tourettes)

Abilities

Oh thank fuck, we're finally at chapter 3, where you finally determine abilities. It's actually fairly simple. Each ability is the average of a group of four sub abilities. So Physique is the average of Physical Fitness, Strength, Bodily Attractiveness, and Health. There are 5 core abilities. Oh, here's where it gets good. You roll (10d100/5)-1 for each sub-ability. For a total of 2000d10, and you've only just figured your abilities. Your character is barely started, and you could well have already rolled more dice than you might in an entire campaign of another game. Oh, and you don't get to arrange things, you have to take the order you get. Each ability and sub ability can modify skills, so you have 25 separate abilities of which to keep track. You then get 24 pages of 13 tables to determine various minutiae, such as weight capacity for various weight lifting exercises (clean and jerk, bench, dead lift), or your earliest memory based on abilities and sub abilities. Now you consult a table to determine whether your intelligence score makes you retarded, slow, average, gifted or genius based on your race. You may then need to reroll some or all of your abilities if your character is deemed retarded. If not, however, you must check for “retard strength” rolling 1d100, and the percent chance is 3(minimum “slow” int score-your int). Then you figure the affects of aging. Then you have various tables talking about the effects of persistant exercise. Finally, you get an optional rule for an alternate method for determining sub abilities, rolling 5d100, dropping lowest, dividing by two, and subtracting 1. For each sub ability. That's still 100 dice, just to figure abilities.

Disposition

Chapter four is about Disposition, covering morals (good-evil axis of alignment), ethics (chaos-law axis of alignment), piety point modifiers and piety, general disposition (simple LG type disp.) vrs specific disposition (LG with NG tendencies type disp.), changing disposition, disposition by proportion, a discussion of “systems of ethics/morals” covering intra-personal, family, community, stat and universe ethical concerns, and dimensions of morality and immorality. Note that morality includes modesty and immorality basically means you are deficient or have an excess in an otherwise moral trait. So, both prudishness and lustiness could be considered immoral, while a modest mean between the two is moral. Funny, I was expecting something more christian, but it's surprisingly buddhist, at least from a layperson's standpoint. Though still doesn't fit into the game's devotion to historical medieval accuracy.

Mind

This is one of the more interesting completely unnecessary aspects of the rules, as it takes the old medieval belief in humours and uses it to determine a character's personality. I wouldn't be too surprised if at some point a set of tables for phrenologic traits had been considered. The chapter also includes mental illnesses, which you acquire each time you reroll abilities. So if you're not lucky enough to be Chuck Norris on the first roll, (and I'm pretty sure even Chuck Norris himself could not manage that feat) you can reroll until you have a suitably epic set of characteristics, but be more wacked out than five groups of veteren Call of Cthulhu characters. Many, though not all, of these illnesses are sexual in nature, and how you get a nymphomaniac character by the rules. Honestly, the less said here, the better.

Sociality

I like to call Chapter 6 (Sociality), Useless Tables 2, Electric Boogaloo. You roll name, birthday, birth status (legitimate or illegitimate), social class (with a different table for each race, determines starting funds), birth place based on race and status, siblings, birth order, marital status (note that there seem to be no age modifiers to that, oh, and that homosexuals cannot be happily married in the system, but they can be unhappily married), sexuality, with modifiers for race and cup size. That's right, a woman with A or AA breasts is more likely to be gay or asexual. It also includes tables for debauchery (table for race modifiers, separate tables for each gender), offspring number per pregnancy (1d10,000,000, quintuplets through single children), gender offspring and how much of your characteristics your kids will inherit if they become characters. It then discusses courtly love and chivalry (take another couple drinks). Now there's a table for demographics by occupation and race, and rounds out by discussing customs, communities, governments, the societies of the various races, roads, inns, public baths, taverns, restaurants, mail, what's around town, education, justice (including crimes and their punishments, which in turn includes a section of rape that is longer than any other, oh, and the only mention of homosexuality aside from rolling for preference, with a punishment of a 1d100 sp fine in human communities), and finally a handful of recipes. Yes, seriously.

Occupations

Finally, in chapter 7, you can get onto the next actual mechanical facet of your character, occupation. You roll 1d1000 to determine your characters' family's occupation by social class and you will generally be expected to have the same occupation. You gain levels through accumulation of Advancement Points, all occupations use the same table. 1000 AP gets you to level 2, then each subsequent level requires twice as many AP as that before it. The problem is that each occupation gains AP for specific tasks, and at different rates. For example, Acrobats gain AP for successfully performing feats using their occupation skills while in danger, and the number is equal to the difference of their role, minus the difficulty. Animal trainers gain AP for, well, training animals. They get AP equal to 100 minus the intelligence of animals they've trained in all respects for three months or more, for each animal. They also gain 3 AP for subduing a domestic animal, and 10 for subduing a wild animal. So, basically, if you're an acrobat, walk tightropes high enough off the ground that you could break a leg, over and over. If you're an animal trainer, wander around and beat animals into submission then train as many as possible per month. Assassins gain AP for carrying out contracts, of course. The rate is the victim's LP (Life Points), times the price placed on their head as agreed between the assassin and the client. So, if you're an assassin, have your friend hire you to kill random peasants for a price of 5000 SP, then just comp them after you've carried out the task. Congrats, you can be a level 20 assassin in a ridiculously short period of time. Or, you can multiclass as an Assassin/Bandit, ambush your targets, and get AP equal to half the damage of each successful attack, and any stolen SP. You can also add Berserker, and gain AP equal to the full damage dealt to a foe. Twice as much if your attack is part of a raid by your clan. So, be a berserker assassin bandit, and have your chief hire you to slay civilians of raided cities at an exorbitant, comped rate then ambush and rob them to gain LP(contract rate)+2.5 damage you deal+SP stolen Advancement Points. To have multiple simultaneous occupations, you have to add one at each level. So you start as a berserker. Once you've racked up 1000 points of damage, you go to level 2, and add the bandit occupation, rack up another 2000 AP, and add the Assassin occupation.
Magic classes have a chance to learn new spell levels, yes, you have to roll to go up a spell level. Some classes don't even get a full AP per completed task, Wenches, for example, gain 1/10 AP per satisfied patron. And, of course, there is a whore class. It's actually better (ie, advances faster) than a wench, gaining AP equal to their Sexual Adeptness skill check per assissted ejaculation or orgasm. So, if your playing a game with a heavy focus on sex, play a female Anakim, min max your attractiveness and Sexual Adeptness, and perform public donkey shows.

Skills

There are something like 216 skills, including 31 types of divination, and numerous types of nature knowledge. Oh, and the skill chapter is where you find the attack and damage for brawling, based on race and body location used and struck. I have to give them respect for knee to a braced face doing more damage than just a knee to the face... The sexual adeptness skill covers THREE WHOLE PAGES! With specializations! And Urination is a skill!

Equipment

Chapter 9 is equipment, and introduces Integrity Points, the HP of objects, essentially. That's fairly standard, what isn't, though, is that objects have three different IP values for hacking, burning, and pounding. Christ. Then the chapter takes a moment to go into a small economy lesson, laying out the five forms of coin, gold, electrum, silver, copper, and bronze. Only gold and silver are actually in circulation, however, the other three are only found in ancient hoards. It also states that if a coin is more than 1/5th silver and the rest gold, that's an electrum coin, not gold, and that it is commonly believed all gold in circulation could be melted down into 2 cubic yards, and finally talks about social classes to put currency into perspective. This game is the bastard love child of academia and gaming. The first notable thing, once we're looking at equipment, is condoms, 1 SP. The average commoner earns a handful of silver for a day's labour. A family could reasonably spend 10-15 SP feeding themselves. If everyone in the family is working, they might be able to feed themselves, but no condoms are around unless someone finds a way to spare a silver. Realistic as FUCK. (oh, dildos are also on the equipment list, 3SP. Man, modern sex shops are a rip off...) Then there's food, with some interestingly technical descriptions of some items. There is one table for both animals and slaves, which makes sense from the standpoint of the simulated time period.

Combat

Combat includes rules for “Graphic Gore,” disfiguring effects of physical attacks that are essentially this system's version of crits. Except I've never seen a crit system that covers the effects of critting against a pregnant woman, or defines the chance the fetus will come out with the weapon, and how long it takes for the fetus to be covered with ants or flying insects. Yech The fumbles table is even more hilarious, because you have a 1% chance of being punished by the gods for a fumble. Also covered is specific facts about death, so the Aedile can describe just how dead he is, Jim.

Magic

Magic briefly explains magical theory, over four pages (yes, briefly!), though in fairness, one of those pages is half taken by a large pentacle (inverted, of course) displaying a full 30 elements. One at each point, two between each point along the circle, three per line. Non-mage casters use chaos magic (this is never a good term to see...), while mages seem to utilize mana, though seemingly everyone uses Magic Points. Oh, and there's a quick table on proper pronunciation of syllables in chanting for ceremonial magic. Yes, this is important. Ceremonial spells have a ritual, like all spells, but it includes chanting, often with calling out names, and seemingly you're expected to roleplay this. Apparently when Jack Chick wrote his earliest tracts, he was foreseeing FATAL.

Spells

You know how D&D condenses spells and effects into as few spells as possible? Yeah, FATAL doesn't. Bestow is a prefix for a number of spells, which afflicts the target with a condition, from an aching back, to years of age, to an aura, harm and greater harm, and any number of other things. Including ingrown nails. Yes. Seriously. Sigh Charms to induce insomnia exist, but only affect women, for some reason. Demokritos' Table Gimmicks shows that the real issue with this chapter is that it mixes hedge magic, like simple rituals to make bronze appear to be gold, or drink vast amounts without succumbing to alcohol, with actual magic, like calling down lightning. There are also three spells that make a target ejaculate acid, blood or poison, a spell that creates a Potion of Viagra with a duration of 2d100 minutes, a ritual that basically just royally fucks up a woman's reproductive system (and the chant ends with the words Hallelujah! Amen! That's two drinks.) To be fair, however, there's also a spell that swells a man's balls. Then there are the spells Happy Cleaver and Have Her Cadaver. Happy Cleaver creates an animate meat cleaver which hacks people to pieces, laughing hysterically and making slurping sounds, with a preference to hacking apart female dancers. HHC creates an illusion of life around the bones of a female humanoid (no flesh needed), including motion, breath and wetness. YOU SEE THIS BYRON?? THIS IS THE RAMPANT MISOGYNY PEOPLE PICK UP ON AND WHY PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE IRREDEEMABLE HUMAN MUCK! Maybe if there were a spell called Happy Axe that hacked apart men, and a spell that aided necophilia on male corpses, it wouldn't seem so mysogynistic. If the mechanics encouraged characters of both genders to be adventures, rather than encouraging male characters to sword and female characters to whore, it wouldn't seem so mysogynistic, but no, the game is fucking offensive. I'm done with this chapter....

Magical Items

Magical items starts with alchemical liquids, and a caution that mixing two alchemical liquids always requires a roll on the Random Magical Effects table, which immediately makes me want to make compound bombs of alchemical liquids... Maybe arrows with heads filled with oil of lubrication and a philter of anakimDRAGON lust for aimed shots to the mouth...
And I just saw the most god damned thing in the chapter, I don't think anything can top it... the armour quality Yearning. You roll randomly to determine the object of yearning, from fragmentizing spines, to self mutilation, to mutiliation of friends, to simply crawling around in combat squealing “I need it badly.” It even beats out the cane that compells a person touching it masturbate with the cane. No, wait, I stand corrected. The Jar of Jacking-Off is even more inexplicably out there. First, when a male opens it, they must roll to resist inserting their “manhood” into the jar, whereupon, the jar will suck them off. There is a 10% chance that the jar will then BECOME PREGNANT and refuse opening. The fetus will grow inside the jar for 9 months, screaming to an audible distance of 1d100 feet day and night, before being born an Unethical Immoral servitor with enlarged testicles but no “manhood”, which will obsessively collect jars and insist on being called Chucky. If the jar is broken before birth of the fetus, the fetus will twitch for 1d6 rounds before exploding, causing 4 LP damage to all within 1d4 in a rain of inexplicable baby parts. That's an even better bomb than mixing alchemical liquids... providing you're not with 4 miles... So drop clusters of them from your flying mount. ...there are 6 fucking magic condoms.. 3 cursed, 3... well ok 3 don't have cursed in the name. But the Condom of Calamity increases your circumference, possibly rupturing your partner and locking you together until you climax. The Condom of Climax makes you more likely to climax each minute. The Condom of Continuity merely makes you “hard as rock” for 2d100 minutes before being able to climax. Then there's the Cursed Condom of Breaking, which also increases your fertility, the Cursed Condom of Conflagration, and the Cursed Condom of Constriction. Then magic dildos. The Cursed Dildo of Adhesion gets stuck and loosens you, but seemingly only for women who use it... er, as intended. The Cursed Dildo of Impregnation Impregnates whoever inserts it with another magical dildo, which it may be lethal to birth. The Dildo of Desire makes you want to use it for hours on end, and the Dildo of Transmogrification transmutes into a flesh phallus of desired shape and appearance, up to 2 feet in length and 10” in circumference. ...Weapons of Passion make the wielder more passionate in everything they do AND CAUSE THE WIELDER TO KISS AND MAKE LOVE TO SLAIN OPPONENTS. Weapons of Plundern drive one to rape. Weapons of Ravishing compel one to ask members of the opposite gender with BA greater than 100 “What is my favourite colour,” “What number am I thinking of from 1 to 10,” and “If my weapon liked you, would you like it back?” If the target cannot answer all three, the wielder is compelled to thrust the weapon into a random orifice of the target until the weapon ejaculates. If the target correctly answered one or two questions, the possessor gains a random number of LP until the weapon ejaculates. WEAPONS OF RAVISHING COMPEL YOU TO COMMIT RAPE WITH A FOREIGN OBJECT UPON BEFUDDLED PEOPLE AND CAN EJACULATE. I'm convinced some of the stranger ones, named for people, are the work of Mr. Hall's playtesters... this does not say good things about them (such as a character whose weapons compel one to introduce themselves as Sir Cockhammer, Duke of Chode, or weapon that compels the possessor to pluck out the eyes of their enemies and stuff them up their noses, the enemies' nose, I hope, and sunbath naked on top of cottages.)

Conducting the Game

In the chapter Conducting the Game, the author attempts to say “some people can't handle my game” and justifies the sexual and violent content by quoting the Oddysey, “...I sacked the city, killed the men, but as for the wives and plunder, that rich haul we dragged away from the place – we shared it round...” that's fine, but first, that was iron age, not medieval, and second I don't recal Odysseus bearing weapons that compel rape, or bodily violation with a damaging foreign object.

And that's it for the rules. The next 142 pages are appendices, and about the author stuff.

[Prak]

I'm not going to pick apart the Random Magical Effects appendix, I'm just going to paste it in, to show it's insanity. Bolded entries are ones I found particularly hilarious.
Part One.

0002. Caster’s skin hardens and looks like tree bark. Caster gains a permanent + 1d10 bonus to CA.
0003. Caster immediately tries to rape the target creature for 1d20 rounds and has amnesia about it.
0004. Caster’s eyes turn jet black with animate lightning images. Permanent immunity to lightning.
0005. Caster grows an extra fully functioning eye on a random body part.
0006. Caster’s bones become brittle. Take 1.5x damage from pounding weapons from now on.
0007. Caster immediately gains Weapon Master skill of the next weapon with which they are struck.
0008. Caster gives birth to a clone through their manhood/vagina. The new clone is 1d6 levels higher.
0009. Caster permanently loses 1 casting level.
0010. Every time the caster casts a spell from now on, chunky defecation squirts down their leg.
0011. Random magical item, already identified, appears in caster’s hands.
0012. Caster grows 2 12-inch horns from each hand, sprouting out as daggers -- 2d6 stabbing dmg.
0013. Caster gains an attack bonus of 1d6 per level.
0014. Target falls deeply and permanently in love with caster.
0015. Target becomes a loyal henchman of a random party member.
0016. The next successful hit in a battle causes 2d100 damage + all modifiers, if any.
0017. Caster gains the body, CA, and Sprint of a random monster from Neveria.
0018. Caster’s body gives off a blinding-white aura whenever enemies attempt to surprise attack.
0019. Caster’s entire living family appears in the battle.
0020. Caster and target each swap weapons and instantly become specialized in its use.
0021. Caster’s arm falls off and begins attacking at random for d4 rds.: + 25 to hit, 1d4 damage, 2 LP.
0022. Spell bounces off of target and hits random party member.
0023. Target contracts disease. Target twitches as if it were lying on its deathbed.
0024. Target’s genitalia are swapped with random party member. ('m overcome with the image of a kobold suddenly falling to the ground as his ogre party member checks their pants for the source of the strange sensation...)
0025. Caster’s genitalia grow by 2d20 percent in size.
0026. Multi-effect; roll for 1d3 more Random Magical Effects that take effect instantly.
0027. Caster gains a permanent 25% chance of a Random Magical Effect every time a spell is cast.
0028. Battleground (or next one, if not in battle) becomes a pool of sulfuric acid: 15’ deep, 100’ diameter.
0029. Caster and target each become immune to fire. Their heads are permanently ablaze.
0030. Every weapon being used in battle must pass a check at TH 21 or disintegrate.
0031. A random Bestow spell is cast on a random entity in battle.
0032. Caster and target each become immune to normal weapons.
0033. Target immediately begins to sniff and lick the ass of the caster for 1d4 rounds.
0034. Caster gains the genitalia of the opposite sex on a random body part.
0035. Nearest enemy’s head explodes -- enemy dies unless able to regenerate.
0036. Caster gains the ability to regenerate 1 LP every hour permanently.
0037. Random party member gains 20 SP to allocate as they please without restriction.
0038. Target must pass a Health check at TH 18 or become a quadriplegic.
0039. Next set of enemies seen by caster begin to fight each other until death after taking damage.
0040. Caster gains a breath weapon of hydrochloric acid: 30’ long, 30’ diameter., 3/day, 6d10 LP damage.
0041. Caster gains a fecal breath weapon: 30’ long, 30’ diameter, 3/day, results in - 3 TH for 1d4 rounds.
0042. Random party member gains night-vision, if already able, it doubles in effectiveness.
0043. Caster’s buttocks are singed for 1d4 LP instantaneously.
0044. Entire party sprouts random-colored wings: 4d3’ in length, 4d10 move.
0045. Caster gains random spell useable once per day.
0046. Target attempts to kill itself for 2 rounds.
0047. Random party member becomes immune to all mind attacks and Domination spells.
0048. Caster’s height and weight increase by 1d20 in. and 1d100 lbs., respectively.
0049. Caster swaps attack bonuses/penalties with the target permanently.
0050. Caster’s spell ability is raised by 1 level permanently.
0051. Caster and other random party member gains 1d100 percent immunity to magic.
0052. A huge 20-ton container of bile appears over battle scene and pours itself for 10 rounds.
0053. Caster’s legs now bend the opposite direction, granting a + 30 to their Sprint skill.
0054. Caster permanently gives off an odor identical to a rotten corpse, suffer - 35 Charisma.
0055. Caster’s sperm becomes magical: it can impregnate ANYTHING and make half-breeds.
0056. Caster is able to shoot flames out of their ass 1d100 feet at will, 1d6 LP damage.
0057. Caster ages 6d10 years.
0058. Caster ages 3d10 years.
0059. Caster loses 6d10 years.
0060. Caster loses 3d10 years.
0061. Caster has a permanent hard-on -- manhood or nipple, depending on gender.
0062. Caster must drink everyday, the next liquid they touch, or suffer random insanity roll.
0063. Target gains additional 5d8 Strength for the next 1d10 rounds.
0064. Caster stops and stares incessantly (unaware of anything) for 1d4 hours.
0065. The next hypothetical statement said by the caster immediately comes true.
0066. Caster’s eye pops out, but is still fully functional. They feel no pain. Suffer - 4d10 Facial Charisma.
0067. Caster grows webs between fingers and toes, and a dorsal fin. Can now swim at rate of 75 feet/round.
0068. Caster’s blood becomes random poison type. Now immune to ALL poison.
0069. Caster suffers an itching frenzy. Common Sense check at TH 22 or scratch for 3 rounds, bleed for 2 LP.
0070. Caster’s heart pumps twice as fast. They now age at twice the normal rate and suffer twice bleeding dmg.
0071. Caster gains ability to jump as a giant insect: 50 feet horizontally, 20 feet vertically.
0072. Caster is 100% silent as they walk, is also mute, but makes the noise of 100 soldiers when running.
0073. Caster gains the ability to mimic a voice.
0074. Caster shifts to a random occupation equal to current level and with extra 1d3 magical items.
0075. Caster’s touch can raise dead 1d3 times, making the undead servants when raised.
0076. Caster gets random spell usable once per day for free, regardless of the spell’s level.
0077. Any unidentified magical item with the party is now fully understood.
0078. Caster begins to repeatedly punch themselves and is unable to function in battle for 2 rounds.
0079. Target grows a tongue from its forehead.
0080. To the caster, all the stars in the night sky seem to be purple now.
0081. Target’s skin is magically peeled like a banana; innards are exposed and it dies.
0082. Every time the caster performs a magical action, they say “I love you, you lil’…whore!”
0083. Caster feels remorse for every immoral act committed, and seeks forgiveness right now.
0084. Caster contracts Leprosy. In next 1d4 weeks, a random body part falls off.
0085. 2 gay ogres appear within 30’ radius and begin to butt-plug as if there is no tomorrow.
0086. Caster grows fangs of a wolf.
0087. The next character to whom the caster speaks will turn to stone for 1d6 hours.
0088. Each party member becomes, as per the spell, Evanescence for 3 days, regardless of their actions.
0089. Caster grows a hole in their forehead, though somewhat similar to a lubricated vagina.
0090. Next time caster defecates, their intestines fall out of their ass, though still loosely attached.
0091. An illusory disembodied 3d10’ long schlong appears and tries to fuck whoever has the most LP in 500’.
0092. Illusion appears of a male human pulling his pants down, cutting off his scrotum, and offering some…
0093. Caster attracts the next member of the opposite sex in sight as if they have a Charisma of 300.
0094. Caster’s pubic hair grows 10d10 feet in length instantly.
0095. A gerbil pops out of the target’s ass.
0096. Caster’s and target’s noses are turned upside down.
0097. Caster can now hear earthworms crawling.
0098. Caster becomes fascinated with rubies.
0099. Caster develops necrophilia.
0100. Caster becomes color blind.
0101. Caster thinks they are 100 years old.
0102. Caster thinks the nearest human(oid) is a demon.
0103. Caster develops a foot fetish.
0104. Caster thinks it is their birthday.
0105. Caster is terrified of birds.
0106. Caster thinks they are 6 months pregnant, regardless of their sex.
0107. Caster smells like lilacs.
0108. Caster believes they are the leader of a powerful army.
0109. Caster becomes nocturnal.
0110. Caster will now only eat raw meat.
0111. Caster begins to masturbate to completion after the current spell expires.
0112. Caster grows a prehensile tail.
0113. Caster now knows how to speak Demon.
0114. Caster becomes an elf supremacist.
0115. Caster thinks they can fly.
0116. Caster must now skip instead of walk.
0117. Caster screams “I’m blind!” for 6 rounds.
0118. Caster’s eyes turn red.
0119. Caster believes they are a housecat for 24 hours.
0120. Caster does cartwheels for 4 rounds.
0121. Caster is unbelievably happy and does not know why.
0122. Caster’s Sprint speed increases 50%.
0123. Caster grows gills.
0124. Caster’s ears become pointed.
0125. Caster is starving for pudding.
0126. Caster becomes flexible enough to kiss their own ass.
0127. Caster drools uncontrollably for 4 hours.
0128. Caster grows a 6th finger on each hand.
0129. Caster does nothing but artistically draw dragons for 24 hours.
0130. Target develops asthma.
0131. Nearest party member becomes alcoholic.
0132. Target becomes a whore.
0133. It begins to snow and doesn’t stop for the next 6 hours.
0134. Ground for 2d10’ radius centered underneath the caster becomes ice.
0135. All involved in encounter or within 2d10’ radius of caster dance for the next hour.
0136. Target and caster believe that they are long lost best friends.
0137. Caster believes that the nearest female of same or similar race is their sister.
0138. Caster becomes extremely arrogant.
0139. Caster’s hair grows 1 foot in length.
0140. Day becomes night, or vice versa.
0141. Lightning strikes the nearest tree.
0142. Nearest priest believes target is a blasphemer.
0143. Nearest female believes the caster is trying to rape her.
0144. All involved in encounter or 1d10’ radius go take baths together.
0145. Caster is now an acrobat.
0146. Target hops on 1 foot for 24 hours.
0147. Every rodent in a 1-mile radius runs to the caster and stares at them.
0148. Caster becomes a troll (Strength and appearance of troll, all else of caster).
0149. Caster is afraid of the dark.
0150. Caster climbs the nearest tree and sings “Ring around the Rosie.”
0151. Caster retires from adventuring to become a gardener.
0152. Caster becomes a serial rapist.
0153. Caster becomes narcissistic.
0154. Caster believes they must repair the nearest carriage.
0155. Caster can now speak with animals twice per day.
0156. All backpacks within 1d10’ radius become wild dogs.
0157. All involved in combat must continue to fight on their knees.
0158. Caster grows 6 inches taller.
0159. Target gains 1d100 pounds in weight.
0160. Caster’s shoes glow in the dark.
0161. Target thinks their foot is broken.
0162. Caster can now read/write a random language.
0163. Target trips and falls.
0164. Enemies fail their next Drive check.
0165. Caster craves oral sex uncontrollably.
0166. Caster’s weapons turn to silver.
0167. Caster’s next spell automatically fails.
0168. Caster’s appetite doubles.
0169. Caster buys a tiara and wears it everywhere.
0170. Caster thinks their name is Rufus Pinkwinkle.
0171. Caster grabs the nearest female’s breasts.
0172. Caster grabs the nearest male’s genitals.
0173. Caster experiences pain while urinating for a week.
0174. Target grows wings like a dove and flies away.
0175. Target transmogrifies into a pixie.
0176. A black steed that breathes flames appears and is violently angry.
0177. The nearest building catches fire.
0178. The nearest body of water floods.
0179. Caster’s clothes turn to silk.
0180. Caster insults the next stranger they see.
0181. The caster now sniffs asses like a dog.
0182. Target believes they are on fire.
0183. Caster’s weapons turn to paper.
0184. Caster goes and flies a kite, literally.
0185. Caster develops perma-grin; no matter what they do, they will smile forever.
0186. Caster drops their pants.
0187. Caster is fully replenished regarding Magic Points.
0188. Caster loses ability to cast spells.
0189. Target is instantly teleported 50 feet away in a random direction.
0190. Caster starts digging and doesn’t stop until hole is 2’ x 2’ x 10’.
0191. Caster now buries everything they kill.
0192. Caster becomes a klepto for silverware.
0193. Caster can now play the flute.
0194. Caster combs their hair.
0195. Caster now orgasms in the presence of candles.
0196. Caster develops obsessive-compulsive washing behavior.
0197. Caster now wants to kill everything wearing the color blue.
0198. Caster now only wants to have sex with old characters.
0199. Caster now only wants to have sex with pre-teens.
0200. Caster tries to fist-fuck the next sleeping female seen, no matter when or where.
0201. Caster now prefers mating with farm animals, and is now a zoophiliac.
0202. Caster develops a fetish to drink their own sperm once at each meal.
0203. The next female with Charisma over 120 orgasms upon seeing the caster.
0204. Caster strokes or fingers themselves, as is appropriate to their gender, once in each direction in public.
0205. Caster only wants to have sex, especially oral, with women on their rag.
0206. Caster’s buttocks itch for the next entire day. Suffer - 10 initiative.
0207. Caster immediately attempts to perform oral sex upon themselves-even if it brakes their back.
0208. Caster’s manhood/nipple appears in target’s mouth for 1 round; target teleports before the caster.
0209. Caster immediately farts and diarrhea squirts out.
0210. Target gets freckles all over their body for a - 1d10 permanent Bodily Attractiveness penalty.
0211. Target gains the ability to smell and identify live blood within 60 feet.
0212. Caster literally shits a brick -- instantly!
0213. Caster gains ability to devour and digest metallic objects.
0214. Target will attempt to suck the tongue of the next entity in sight, no matter what gender.
0215. Target begins speaking in tongues for 1d6 rounds.
0216. Caster develops a fatal attraction for red-headed, trashy courtesans.
0217. Caster gains ability to burp at will with perfect pitch (able to find any musical note).
0218. Caster gains ability to fart arpeggios up to 240 beats per minute in 16th notes.
0219. Caster learns to use the next skill they see being used without penalty.
0220. Caster must play with his cock n’ balls in front of 10+ characters once/day or acquire a random insanity.
0221. A huge vein pops out of the target’s forehead. Suffer - 10 permanent Facial Charisma.
0222. Caster orgasms every time defecation is seen.
0223. Next time the target takes a dump, it will be (1d6 + 2) feet long and [4d4 + 2(p/2)] inches in girth.
0224. Caster’s breath smells like akki-poo-poo permanently. Suffer - 35 penalty to Charisma.
0225. Caster’s gasshole dilates to 9 inches in circumference every time they smell rain.
0226. 1 arm of the caster grows 1d6 inches in girth, the other shrinks 1d6 inches. +/- 20% damage.
0227. Caster vomits 96 times in a row, all within 2 minutes.
0228. Caster immediately begins to give head to the next axe in sight (even if in battle).
0229. Target and caster each believe themselves to be divinity for 1 day.
0230. The next spell cast by anyone in battle (even an enemy) will be targeted on caster.
0231. The next time the caster eats in a bar, they fart, burp, puke, and cough, all at the same time.
0232. Caster’s and Target’s head falls off and they die.
0233. Caster immediately attacks the next commoner who insults them.
0234. The next female at whom the caster looks will queef 6d12 times in a row (and LOUDLY).
0235. Caster’s blood turns into water; caster is now immune to water-based attacks.
0236. Caster’s blood turns into ale; caster is now permanently intoxicated -- suffer appropriate penalties.
0237. Caster’s hands lose the thumbs. Aedile thinks of appropriate penalty.
0238. Target begins to make sexual noises in the presence of 10+ characters for the next 2 weeks.
0239. Caster sticks their finger in their ass, and then sniffs it for 2d4 rounds.
0240. Target’s buttocks grow 1d4 feet in width and gains 4d20 lbs.
0241. Caster develops a phobia of old wenches.
0242. Caster’s head grows 2d10 lbs. and they suffer a penalty of - 20 to Facial Charisma.
0243. Next time the target is struck for any damage, they immediately masturbate until orgasm.
0244. Caster’s testes/clitoris grow by 1d3 times in proportion.
0245. Caster accidentally casts random 5th level spell on target.
0246. Caster becomes the opposite disposition and gender.
0247. Caster acquires Tourettes Syndrome for 2d6 rounds; they spasm violently and NO attack is allowed.
0248. Caster attempts to pinch the buttocks of the next animal in sight.
0249. Target loses 1/3rd of height and weight. Aedile decides the appropriate penalties.
0250. Target attempts to butt-slam the next being in sight.
0251. Scratch n’ Sniff magical symbol of a smelly vagina appears on the forehead of each party member.
0252. Caster’s attack TH increases permanently by 1d10.
0253. Eyeball appears on the caster’s cockhead. It can determine truth/falsity of 1 statement once per day.
0254. Caster’s and target’s cock n’ balls are turned upside-down, or if female, their vagina and ass switch places.
0255. Target gains ability to read minds 3 times per day.
0256. Caster’s nails turn into steel and can cause 1d3 Hacking damage.
0257. The nutsack of the caster swells to 10d1000 in volume for 3d3 days. If female, her eyebrows disappear.
0258. Next time caster poops, the turd comes alive, attacks caster: +21 TH, for 1 LP B dmg, CA 13, & 3 LP.
0259. Target turns into a female who has an obese torso and skinny limbs.
0260. The entire party knows the future for 2 days.
0261. The defecation of the caster is forever white in color.
0262. The caster and target attack the next being who insults either one of them.
0263. The target gains magical silence with only TH 13. Armor penalties still apply.
0264. The caster has an inexplicable love for ogres. Aedile decides how the ogres are loved.
0265. The caster accidentally casts Recipe for Death.
0266. The caster and target gain a random skill.
0267. The caster and target gain the ability to vomit at will.
0268. The caster becomes more ethical and more immoral.
0269. Target refuses to wear anything but pink clothing, except for magical items.
0270. The caster can transmogrify at will for 1 day into a dragon.
0271. The caster’s and target’s main weapon turns into a random magical weapon + 5.
0272. The caster’s and target’s main weapon turns into a random magical weapon + 10.
0273. The caster gains perfect night vision.
0274. The target gains the ability to roar like a lion 3 times per day.
0275. The next spell the caster attempts to learn is automatically successful.
0276. The caster gains the ability to pass through walls less than 2 feet thick and made from stone.
0277. The caster CANNOT resist insulting each and every being with an EM disposition whom they meet.
0278. Target immediately becomes middle-aged if they fail a Health check at TH 21.
0279. Target gains a moderate phobia for water.
0280. “For an Erection” is accidentally cast, centered on either the caster or the nearest male.
0281. Caster attracts random follower next time in town.
0282. Caster gains the ability to plane travel as an 18th level druid.
0283. Caster and target gain the ability to re-animate the dead, as per the spell re-animation.
0284. Every single rock within a 1,000’ radius is hurled at a random entity.
0285. For every level of the caster, 3 LP is healed to the caster and also given to the target.
0286. Next spell cast by the caster will no longer require ingredients.
0287. Caster vomits bile through their mouth and blood through nose (violently) for 1 round.
0288. Caster and target each fall asleep for 2 rounds.
0289. Caster falls asleep and an unknown goddess appears in a dream, giving the caster 3 wishes.
0290. Caster and target gain +13 to attack skill checks and Reaction Speed whenever around unethical beings.
0291. Caster will always laugh uncontrollably and eyes will glow red for 4 rounds whenever insulted.
0292. Caster can now track as a ranger of the same level.
0293. Closest being to caster must pass a Health check with a TH of 24 or implode -- instant death w/o regen.
0294. Caster will forever call themselves Curly G. and will always attempt to rhyme whenever they speak.
0295. Target’s manhood/breasts grow(s) to 4d12” in length, can be used for 1 LP damage each 1’ in length.
0296. 1d6 party members instantly catch fire for 1d4 rounds at 1d10 damage per round.
0297. Target lays an egg that instantly hatches into a baby dragon.
0298. Caster’s party immediately dies, (but not caster) from lightning bolts from the sky.
0299. Target’s genitalia grow 3-fold, has 12 LP, and does 1d3 damage per attack.
0300. Target is immediately trampled by a pride of 12 lions for 3d4 damage.
0301. Target farts, covering an area of 4d10 cubic feet.
0302. The next time the caster is in town, 2 militiamen become provoked and attack the party.
0303. Caster’s sperm becomes acidic when it meets air: 2 rds to jerk-off, 1d6’ range & it does 4d6 dmg.
0304. Caster’s ass spontaneously combusts -- 2d10 LP damage.
0305. Caster’s middle finger is eternally “giving the bird.”
0306. Caster will attempt to kill on sight the next character they see who is cooking.
0307. Every time the target lies, their manhood/nipples grow(s) an inch.
0308. Caster now has a permanent twitch in their left eye.
0309. Next time caster is hit, it is 4x damage.
0310. Target is struck by lightning the very 1st thing the next day as they wake up for 10d6 damage.
0311. Caster and target forget how to read and write.
0312. Caster must pass Health check at TH 20 or take 1 LP dmg/round for 10 rounds from unknown poison.
0313. Every time a spell is cast by the caster, an eyelash (of the caster) turns to stone.
0314. Caster falls every time they finish casting a spell.
0315. Caster belches out loud every time they casts a spell.
0316. Caster can smell their own blood from within their body.
0317. A random magical effect happens every time a spell is cast from the caster for a week.
0318. Caster’s cock n’ balls/clitoris fall(s) off for 1 rd. and then reattach…Health check at TH 21 or die.
0319. Caster falls and takes 1 LP damage every time they cast a spell.
0320. Caster transmogrifies into a cock of 1d8 + 3 inches for 2 rounds -- pass Health check at TH 21 or die.
0321. Caster forgets their name and goes by whatever the next character calls them.
0322. Target and nearest 2 beings must pass a Health TH 22 or take 1d6 acid damage for the next 3 rounds.
0323. Caster mysteriously learns a random spell on accident.
0324. Random 8th level spell is cast accidentally.
0325. Caster’s eyes are permanently yellow.
0326. Caster’s eyes are permanently purple.
0327. Caster’s eyes are permanently red.
0328. Caster’s eyes are permanently pink.
0329. Caster’s eyes are permanently black.
0330. Caster’s eyes are permanently plaid.
0331. Caster’s entire body is branded with the names of previous sexual partners.
0332. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0333. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0334. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0335. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0336. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0337. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0338. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0339. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0340. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0341. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0342. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0343. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0344. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0345. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0346. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the bugbear god of .
0347. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the black dwarven god of .
0348. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the black dwarven god of .
0349. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the black dwarven god of .
0350. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the white dwarven god of .
0351. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the white dwarven god of .
0352. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the dark elven god of .
0353. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the dark elven god of .
0354. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the light elven god of .
0355. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the light elven god of .
0356. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of air.
0357. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of birth.
0358. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of chance.
0359. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of the dead.
0360. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of death.
0361. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of disease.
0362. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of earth.
0363. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of fate.
0364. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of fire.
0365. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of forests.
0366. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of gates.
0367. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of happiness.
0368. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of the hearth.
0369. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of intoxication.
0370. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of liberty.
0371. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of love.
0372. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of lust.
0373. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of merchants.
0374. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of the moon.
0375. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of peace.
0376. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of seasons.
0377. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of strife.
0378. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of the sun.
0379. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of time.
0380. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of trickery.
0381. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of truth.
0382. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of war.
0383. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of water.
0384. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human god of wealth.
0385. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the human goddess of wisdom.
0386. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0387. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0388. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0389. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0390. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0391. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0392. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0393. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0394. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0395. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0396. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0397. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0398. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0399. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0400. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0401. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0402. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0403. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0404. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0405. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the kobold god of .
0406. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0407. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0408. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0409. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0410. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0411. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0412. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0413. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0414. Caster worships and entire body is branded with the symbol of the subterranean troll god of .
0415. The caster curses every god they can think of before every meal.
0416. The target creature curses every god they can think of before every meal.
0417. Whenever the caster is asleep, they unknowingly yell the entire time that they hate various gods.
0418. Whenever the target creature is asleep, they unknowingly yell the entire time that they hate various gods.
0419. The caster is compelled to speak the name of their god while defecating.
0420. The target creature is compelled to speak the name of their god while defecating.
0421. The caster is compelled to speak the name of their god while urinating.
0422. The target creature is compelled to speak the name of their god while urinating.
0423. Whenever the caster ejaculates/orgasms, they moan the name of their god.
0424. Whenever the target creature ejaculates/orgasms, they moan the name of their god.
0425. The caster vomits whenever they mention their god.
0426. The target creature vomits whenever they mention their god.
0427. The target creature enjoys urinating on their feet, but hides it from others.
0428. The caster enjoys urinating on their feet, but hides it from others.
0429. The target creature is compelled to check their armpit for lice every hour while awake.
0430. The caster is compelled to check their armpit for lice every hour while awake.
0431. The target creature ignores any character who talks to them.
0432. The caster ignores any character who talks to them.
0433. The racial hatred scores are reversed for all characters within 1d10 feet of the caster.
0434. The target creature shuns humanoids and befriends only insects.
0435. The caster shuns humanoids and befriends only insects.
0436. The target creature shuns humanoids and befriends only beasts.
0437. The caster shuns humanoids and befriends only beasts.
0438. The target creature believes that any character who is shorter must die.
0439. The target creature believes that any character who is taller must die.
0440. The caster believes that any character who is shorter must die.
0441. The caster believes that any character who is taller must die.
0442. From now on, every time the target creature hears a baby cry, a tooth falls out from the their mouth.
0443. From now on, every time the caster hears a baby cry, a tooth falls out from the caster’s mouth.
0444. The target creature acquires a fetish for attempting to kiss their armpit.
0445. The caster acquires a fetish for attempting to kiss their armpit.
0446. The target creature acquires 1d100 facial blackheads.
0447. The caster acquires 1d100 facial blackheads.
0448. All characters in 1d10 miles become permanently cured of all diseases.
0449. All characters in 1d10 miles become cured of all diseases for 1d100 days.
0450. All characters in 1d10 miles become ill with a random disease for 1d100 days.
0451. Lightning strikes all characters in 1d100 feet who disagree with the next thought of the caster.
0452. Rain falls for the next 1d100 days, regardless of season or climate.
0453. Snow falls for the next 1d100 days, regardless of season or climate.
0454. The caster will do the next 3 things requested by the next character seen, but will kill them on the 4th.
0455. Time is reversed.
0456. The target creature implicitly trusts the next creature seen.
0457. The caster implicitly trusts the next creature seen.
0458. The target creature’s manhood/vagina can think, speak, and must eat to survive.
0459. The caster’s manhood/vagina can think, speak, and must eat to survive.
0460. The target creature’s manhood/clit becomes identical in size and shape to their thumb/eye.
0461. The caster’s manhood/clit becomes identical in size and shape to their thumb/eye.
0462. The target creature is forever unable to see a foe during combat.
0463. The caster is forever unable to see a foe during combat.
0464. The target creature is forever unable to hear anakim.
0465. The caster is forever unable to hear anakim.
0466. The target creature is forever unable to hear bugbears.
0467. The caster is forever unable to hear bugbears.
0468. The target creature is forever unable to hear dwarves.
0469. The caster is forever unable to hear dwarves.
0470. The target creature is forever unable to hear elves.
0471. The caster is forever unable to hear elves.
0472. The target creature is forever unable to hear humans.
0473. The caster is forever unable to hear humans.
0474. The target creature is forever unable to hear kobolds.
0475. The caster is forever unable to hear kobolds.
0476. The target creature is forever unable to hear ogres.
0477. The caster is forever unable to hear ogres.
0478. The target creature is forever unable to hear trolls.
0479. The caster is forever unable to hear trolls.
0480. The target creature is forever unable to hear males.
0481. The caster is forever unable to hear males.
0482. The target creature is forever unable to hear females.
0483. The caster is forever unable to hear females.
0484. The target creature is forever unable to see anakim.
0485. The caster is forever unable to see anakim.
0486. The target creature is forever unable to see bugbears.
0487. The caster is forever unable to see bugbears.
0488. The target creature is forever unable to see dwarves.
0489. The caster is forever unable to see dwarves.
0490. The target creature is forever unable to see elves.
0491. The caster is forever unable to see elves.
0492. The target creature is forever unable to see humans.
0493. The caster is forever unable to see humans.
0494. The target creature is forever unable to see kobolds.
0495. The caster is forever unable to see kobolds.
0496. The target creature is forever unable to see ogres.
0497. The caster is forever unable to see ogres.
0498. The target creature is forever unable to see trolls.
0499. The caster is forever unable to see trolls.
0500. The target creature is forever unable to see males.
0501. The caster is forever unable to see males.
0502. The target creature is forever unable to see females.
0503. The caster is forever unable to see females.
0504. The target creature acquires an obsessive hatred of insects.
0505. The caster acquires an obsessive hatred of insects.
0506. The target creature becomes obsessed with studying math.
0507. The caster becomes obsessed with studying math.
0508. All characters within 1d100 feet attempt to hang the target creature upside-down from a tree.
0509. All characters within 1d100 feet attempt to hang the caster upside-down from a tree.
0510. All characters within 1d100 feet attempt to bury the target creature alive.
0511. All characters within 1d100 feet attempt to bury the caster alive.
0512. The target creature must analyze the logic of every word spoken from now on.
0513. The caster must analyze the logic of every word spoken from now on.
0514. Each time the caster pulls their finger, a random character within 1d10 feet farts.
0515. Each time the caster blinks their eyes, they appear in a random location within 1d10 miles.
0516. The caster blinks their eyes and appears in a gladiatorial arena in a palace of subterranean trolls.
0517. The caster blinks their eyes and appears in the embrace of an erect anakim.
0518. The caster blinks their eyes and appears in the cottage of a peasant human family who are arguing.
0519. The caster blinks their eyes and appears in the hollow tree home of a light elf, who is singing.
0520. The caster blinks their eyes and appears in an underground dark-elven home during an orgy.
0521. The caster blinks their eyes and appears in the cave of a kinder-fresser ogre, who has just come home.
0522. The caster blinks their eyes and appears in the cave of a base ogre, who has just come home.
0523. The target creature instantly becomes a slave in a kobold mine.
0524. The caster instantly becomes a slave in a kobold mine.
0525. The target creature instantly becomes a subject in a bugbear subjecting facility.
0526. The caster instantly becomes a subject in a bugbear subjecting facility.
0527. The target creature is teleported to another time, another land.
0528. The caster is teleported to another time, another land.
0529. All (1d10 - 1) clouds in the sky seek the caster and will center on them for 1d10 hours.
0530. The caster believes that the sun is angry, approaching, and will burn everything by sunset.
0531. The caster believes they are an avatar and can breathe underwater.
0532. The caster believes that they were born in a dead tree trunk, and that they have bark for protection.
0533. The caster believes that others are deluded; dirt is actually silver and saleable.
0534. The target creature believes that every pebble seen is an emerald.
0535. The caster believes that every pebble seen is an emerald.
0536. The next character in 1d10 miles who gets married will commit suicide immediately after the ceremony.
0537. The caster is compelled to enslave and sell the next character seen.
0538. The caster is compelled to enslave the next character seen.
0539. The caster is compelled to boil the next character seen in a cauldron.
0540. The caster is compelled to drown the next character seen.
0541. The target creature is compelled to slap every character met who is a serf for 1d10 days.
0542. The caster is compelled to slap every character met who is a serf for 1d10 days.
0543. The ideal mate of the target creature appears before them, naked, willing, and treacherous.
0544. The ideal mate of the caster appears before them, naked, willing, and treacherous.
0545. The nearest king seeks the target creature so that they may be thanked, praised, dismembered, and eaten.
0546. The nearest king seeks the caster so that they may be thanked, praised, dismembered, and eaten.
0547. Every assassin within 1d100 miles knows the target creature and wants them dead.
0548. Every assassin within 1d100 miles knows the caster and wants them dead.
0549. A local holiday is founded to commemorate the target creature for their presence.
0550. A local holiday is founded to commemorate the caster for their presence.
0551. All whores within 1d100 miles announce that they are virgins and worth twice as much.
0552. All doctors within 1d100 miles announce that they are merely educated and wealthy charlatans.
0553. All barristers within 1d100 miles travel to the nearest shrine to pray to become better characters.
0554. The characters of the lowest and highest social classes in the nearest kingdom swap social classes.
0555. The caster yells, “I am the king of all KINGS!”
0556. The caster collects semen from slaves.
0557. The caster collects pene (penises) of peasants.
0558. The caster collects noses of nobles.
0559. The caster collects livers of ladies.
0560. The caster collects brains of barons.
0561. The caster collects dicks of dukes.
0562. The caster collects kidneys of kings.
0563. The caster collects body parts of all kinds.
0564. The caster collects lungs.
0565. The caster collects spleens.
0566. The target creature must clap their hands before each sentence spoken.
0567. The caster must clap their hands before each sentence spoken.
0568. The caster acquires an anal fetish for anakim.
0569. The caster acquires an anal fetish for bugbears.
0570. The caster acquires an anal fetish for dwarves.
0571. The caster acquires an anal fetish for elves.
0572. The caster acquires an anal fetish for humans.
0573. The caster acquires an anal fetish for kobolds.
0574. The caster acquires an anal fetish for ogres.
0575. The caster acquires an anal fetish for trolls.
0576. The target creature will forever refuse to trim their fingernails and toenails.
0577. The caster will forever refuse to trim their fingernails and toenails.
0578. The target creature will forever drink their beverage first, and then eat their meal.
0579. The caster will forever drink their beverage first, and then eat their meal.
0580. The target creature must poke-out his or her own eyes.
0581. The caster must poke-out his or her own eyes.
0582. The target creature gains (1d100)% Strength, and becomes gay.
0583. The caster gains (1d100)% Strength, and becomes gay.
0584. The target creature tries to sell self-portraits for 1 s.p. to any character seen for 1d100 days.
0585. The caster tries to sell self-portraits for 1 s.p. to any character seen for 1d100 days.
0586. The target creature’s anus acquires the ability to talk, Enunciation 100, Vocal Charisma 100.
0587. The caster’s anus acquires the ability to talk, Enunciation 100, Vocal Charisma 100.
0588. The target creature begins re-tracing their footprints for 1d10 hours and refuses to be interrupted.
0589. The caster begins re-tracing their footprints for 1d10 hours and refuses to be interrupted.
0590. The target creature is compelled to self-apply cosmetics now, or immediately seek cosmetics.
0591. The caster is compelled to self-apply cosmetics now, or immediately seek cosmetics.
0592. The target creature attempts to eat a silver coin if one is owned.
0593. The caster attempts to eat a silver coin if one is owned.
0594. The target creature will forever howl like a wolf in the presence of a potential mate.
0595. The caster will forever howl like a wolf in the presence of a potential mate.
0596. The target creature forever foams at the mouth upon hearing the word “the” in their native tongue.
0597. The caster forever foams at the mouth upon hearing the word “the” in their native tongue.
0598. The target creatures tries to pet the caster like a trusted dog.
0599. The caster tries to pet the target creature like a trusted dog.
0600. The target creature decides immediately to go live in the nearest desert.
0601. The caster decides immediately to go live in the nearest desert.
0602. The target creature runs immediately toward the nearest mountain to jump off a cliff.
0603. The caster runs immediately toward the nearest mountain to jump off a cliff.
0604. The character hated most by the caster acquires 1d1000 s.p.
0605. The character hated most by the target creature acquires 1d1000 s.p.
0606. The character hated most by the caster acquires 1d10 Physical Fitness.
0607. The character hated most by the caster acquires 1d10 Strength.
0608. The character hated most by the caster acquires 1d10 Bodily Attractiveness.
0609. The character hated most by the caster acquires 1d10 Facial Charisma.
0610. The character hated most by the caster acquires 1d10 Intelligence.
0611. The character hated most by the caster acquires 1d10 Wisdom.
0612. The 5 characters hated most by the caster become best friends.
0613. All characters within 1d100 feet plot the most painful death for the caster.
0614. All trees within 1d100 feet come to life, uproot themselves, and go on a killing spree.
0615. All bees within 1d10 miles think that pollen is in the ear of the caster.
0616. All bees within 1d10 miles think that pollen is in the ear of the target creature.
0617. A dead anakim fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0618. A dead bugbear fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0619. A dead dwarven fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0620. A dead elven fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0621. A dead human fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0622. A dead kobold fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0623. A dead ogre fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0624. A dead troll fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0625. A living anakim fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0626. A living bugbear fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0627. A living dwarven fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0628. A living elven fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0629. A living human fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0630. A living kobold fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0631. A living ogre fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0632. A living troll fetus emerges from the rectum of the caster.
0633. The caster must shout obscenities against their king.
0634 The caster must shout obscenities against their queen.
0635. Caster must probe a new body cavity each day or acquire a Random Mental Illness.
0636. The nearest dog kills the nearest cat and drags it before the caster.
0637. The nearest cat kills the nearest rat and drags it before the caster.
0638. The nearest mountain becomes flat plains within 1d10 minutes.
0639. A mountain forms instantly underneath the caster, making them 1 mile higher.
0640. The hair of the nearest bugbear becomes implanted on the chest of the caster.
0641. The ear-hair of the caster grows 1d10 feet long, and obeys the thoughts of the caster.
0642. The nasal hair of the caster grows 1d10 feet long, and obeys the thoughts of the caster.
0643. The anal hair of the caster grows 1d10 feet long, and obeys the thoughts of the caster.
0644. The pubic hair of the caster grows 1d10 feet long, and obeys the thoughts of the caster.
0645. The underarm hair of the caster grows 1d10 feet long, and obeys the thoughts of the caster.
0646. The fingernails of the caster turn to silver.
0647. The fingernails of the caster turn to steel.
0648. The fingernails of the caster turn to obsidian.
0649. All children of the caster will hate their parents and attempt to kill them at age 2d10.
0650. The caster runs away in search of a cure for corruption.
0651. An unbroken chicken egg appears in the snatch of every adult female in 1d100 feet.
0652. A worm crawls out of the penis/vagina hole of the caster in search of a better home.
0653. All children of the caster will now have sexualities the opposite of their true nature.
0654. The nearest community acquires the custom of kissing each other before talking.
0655. Today, all parents within 1d1000 feet spank children who do as they are told.
0656. The next character known intimately or well by the caster dies who tells lies.
0657. The next character who lies knowingly to the caster will choke immediately to death.
0657. If asked, the caster will say that their home country is Twatria.
0658. The next couple that falls romantically in love will suffocate after announcing it.
0659. The next couple that falls romantically in love acquires 1d1000 s.p.
0660. The previous lover of the caster loses all their teeth immediately.
0661. The next male to ejaculate will launch their sperm 1d1000 feet, any obstruction takes 1d10 LP damage.
0662. In the nearest community, children rule and adults are slaves for 1d10 days. The youngest is king.
0663. The nearest community marches to war against a randomly determined community within 100 miles.
0664. Every character in the nearest community commits suicide.
0665. Every character in the nearest community has an orgy that lasts for 3 days.
0666. The nearest employer treats their employees like they actually value them for 1d100 days.
0667. The local ruler attempts for 1 day to transfer their authority to the lowest slave.
0668. The local government actually cares about its citizens for 1d10 hours and actively tries to help them.
0669. The nearest public speaker screams “I am full of shit!”
0670. The nearest master must attempt to rape their favorite apprentice, and the caster knows it.
0671. The target creature tries to perform self-anal-fisting for 1d10 hours and refuses to give up.
0672. The caster tries to perform self-anal-fisting for 1d10 hours and refuses to give up.
0673. The target creature must force brocolli into each ear or they become irate and scream until they can.
0674. The caster must force brocolli into each ear or they become irate and scream until they can.
0675. All tavern wenches within 1d10 miles seek out chambermaids today, hoping to have lesbian sex.
0676. All chambermaids within 1d10 miles seek out tavern wenches today, hoping to have lesbian sex.
0677. Every character within 1d10 miles acquires a Jar of Jacking-Off (see Chapter 13: Magical Items).
0678. The target creature acquires a Jar of Jacking-Off (see Chapter 13: Magical Items).
0679. The caster acquires a Jar of Jacking-Off (see Chapter 13: Magical Items).
0680. The target creature craves brocolli and must eat it every day or die the next day.
0681. The caster craves broccoli and must eat it every day or die the next day.
0682. The nipples of the target creature become inverted.
0683. The nipples of the caster become inverted.
0684. 1 body part of the target creature doubles its BPP, but this does not affect LP.
0685. 1 body part of the caster doubles its BPP, but this does not affect LP.
0686. The target creature becomes a freak of nature. Roll on the table in Chapter 2: Body.
0687. The caster becomes a freak of nature. Roll on the table in Chapter 2: Body.
0688. The target creature acquires a random hair color for their race.
0689. The caster acquires a random hair color for their race.
0690. The caster must kneel with hands outstretched above and ask to be the slave of the target creature.
0691. The target creature must kneel with hands outstretched above and ask to be the slave of the caster.
0692. The caster must radically change their hairstyle daily, and have a different hairstyle each day of the week.
0693. The target creature gives up their current occupation so they can dedicate their life to making cheese.
0694. The caster gives up their current occupation so they can dedicate their life to making cheese.
0695. All creatures within 2d100 feet randomly swap a body part with each other.
0696. The caster swaps a random body part with a random body part of the target creature.
0697. The caster swaps a random body part with a random body part of the nearest creature.
0698. The caster swaps a random body part with the corresponding body part of the target creature.
0699. The caster swaps a random body part with the corresponding body part of the nearest creature.
0700. Caster now has a concave chest, - (2d10)% Strength, and - 2d10 Bodily Attractiveness.
0701. Target creature now has a concave chest, - (2d10)% Strength, and - 2d10 Bodily Attractiveness.
0702. An illusory disembodied 3d10’ long schlong appears and tries to fuck whoever has the least LP in 500’.
0703. Every time the caster farts, their gashole emits a mating-call for a random species.
0704. Male or female, the caster grows 2d10” beef curtains (inner pussy lips). This curtainry disgusts others.
0705. The caster becomes a ‘vagitearian,’ and is compelled to tear vaginas or die trying.
0706. The caster changes their diet and becomes a vagitarian, preferring cunnilingus daily.
0707. The caster becomes a “Vagicidal Maniac,” and attempts daily to force a vagina to kill itself.
0708. The nearest female believes her name is [EDITED] and demands to be called by her name.
0709. The nearest [EDITED] must jack-off 1d20 pubescent ogres before she can fall asleep again.
0710. While moaning, the nearest [EDITED] attempts to shove as many dice into her mouth-[EDITED] as she can fit.
0711. The nearest [EDITED] begins reciting moral adages and masturbating in public.
0712. The nearest [EDITED] performs a strip-tease for the nearest character.
0713. The caster feels burning sexual desire for a mouth-[EDITED].
0714. The nearest male feels burning sexual desire to enter a mouth-[EDITED].
0715. The nearest female slave feels burning sexual desire in her mouth-[EDITED].
0716. The nearest female feels burning sexual desire in her mouth-[EDITED].
0717. The nearest whore feels burning sexual desire in her mouth-[EDITED].
0718. The nearest chambermaid feels burning sexual desire in her mouth-[EDITED].
0719. The nearest female fetus becomes pregnant during childbirth. Its child will be an anakim.
0720. Reroll for 1d4 random magical effects to occur at the same time.
0721. Reroll for 1d6 random magical effects to occur at the same time.
0722. Reroll for 1d8 random magical effects to occur at the same time.
0723. Reroll for 1d10 random magical effects to occur at the same time.
0724. Reroll for 1d12 random magical effects to occur at the same time.
0725. Reroll for 1d20 random magical effects to occur at the same time.
0726. Caster is able to perfectly recite any message up to 200 words only by reading or hearing once.
0727. Caster gains ability to dance with the dead in their dreams at will.
0728. Caster gains ability to read minds once per day.
0729. Caster gains ability to speak 1,000 words per minute.
0730. Caster gains ability to write 3 times normal rate.
0731. Caster gains ability to play a random instrument.
0732. Caster gains ability to scream once per day, others nearby must pass Health TH 18 or go deaf.
0733. Caster gains ability to appear as though dead at will.
0734. Caster loses ability to speak softly.
0735. Caster loses ability to tell the truth.
0736. Caster loses ability to lie.
0737. Caster loses ability to go to the bathroom on their own.
0738. Caster loses ability to cast spells.
0739. Caster loses ability to reason.
0740. Caster loses ability to control their temper.
0741. Caster loses ability to regain Magic Points.
0742. Caster loses ability to remember faces more than a day.
0743. Caster loses ability to use proper etiquette.
0744. Caster loses ability to hold a conversation consisting of more than 100 words.
0745. Caster loses ability to dress themselves.
0746. Caster loses the emotion of guilt.
0747. Caster loses the emotion of mercy.
0748. Caster loses the emotion of fear.
0749. Caster loses the emotion of hate.
0750. Caster loses the emotion of anger.
0751. Caster loses the emotion of happiness.
0752. Caster loses the emotion of praise.
0753. Caster loses the emotion of sadness.
0754. Caster loses all emotions. They only do things on command -- no facial expression ever again.
0755. Target becomes insanely jealous of the caster and attempts to kill them for 2 rounds.
0756. Target’s skin turns black. Aedile may decide to levy appropriate penalties.
0757. Target’s skin turns brown.
0758. Target’s skin turns gray.
0759. Target’s skin turns green.
0760. Target’s skin turns red.
0761. Target’s skin turns yellow.
0762. Target’s skin turns blue.
0763. Target’s skin turns orange.
0764. Target’s skin turns purple.
0765. Target’s skin turns pink.
0766. Target’s skin turns peach.
0767. Target’s skin turns white (REAL white).
0768. Target’s skin turns salmon.
0769. Target’s skin turns magenta.
0770. Target’s skin turns topaz.
0771. Target’s skin turns black with yellow polk-a-dots.
0772. Target’s skin turns blue and pink plaid.
0773. Target’s skin turns red with black lightning bolts going down their arms.
0774. Target’s skin turns into bile, along with the same skin texture.
0775. Target’s skin turns into the color of zebra stripes.
0776. Target’s skin turns into the color of tiger stripes.
0777. Target’s skin turns into the color of leopard skin.
0778. Target’s skin turns into the color brown with the stench of defecation.
0779. Target’s skin turns gray with a green pentagram on their forehead.
0780. Target’s skin turns orange with the magical inscription of “777” in pink on their cheek.
0781. Target’s skin turns into the color of gold.
0782. Target’s skin turns into the color of silver.
0783. Target’s skin turns into the color of copper.
0784. Target’s skin turns into the color of hazel.
0785. Target’s skin turns into the color gray with red polk-a-dots.
0786. Target’s skin turns into the color pink with yellow trapezoids on their body.
0787. Target’s skin turns into the color of bronze.
0788. Caster’s body emits an odor that smells like burning flesh.
0789. Caster’s body emits an odor that smells like rotting flesh.
0790. Caster’s body emits an odor that smells like diarrhea.
0791. Caster’s body emits an odor, forcing all hostile enemies to suffer –5 to attack rolls.
0792. Caster’s body emits an odor that charms the opposite sex for 1 day (Drive check TH 18).
0793. Caster’s body emits an odor that makes invisible creatures visible within 20 feet.
0794. Caster’s body emits an odor that makes the caster hungry forever.
0795. Caster’s body emits an odor that makes hostile enemies within 30 feet burn for 1 LP per round.
0796. Caster’s body emits an odor that makes all hostile creatures vomit uncontrollably for 2 rounds.
0797. Caster’s body emits an odor that smells like fish.
0798. Caster’s body emits an odor that smells like sweaty nuts.
0799. Caster’s body emits an odor that makes all enemies in a 20’ radius freeze in fear for 1 round.
0800. Caster’s body emits an odor that attracts unethical beings, with +20 to reactions.
0801. Caster’s body emits an odor that attracts ethical beings, with +20 to reactions.
0802. Caster’s body emits an odor that attracts moral beings, with +20 to reactions.
0803. Caster’s body emits an odor that attracts immoral beings, with +20 to reactions.
0804. Caster’s body emits an odor that kills all plant life within a 20’ radius instantly.
0805. Caster begins to hallucinate that they are falling off a cliff. Health TH 20 or die.
0806. Caster begins to hallucinate that 1,000 incubi are chasing them. Flee from battle for 3 rounds.
0807. Caster hallucinates that an old dragon is making love to a succubus. Stare for 2 rounds.
0808. Caster hallucinates that a Pterodactyl’s flying over the party, its name is Jobe. It is the caster’s friend.
0809. Caster hallucinates that they are an orange and everyone is trying to peel them.
0810. Caster hallucinates that their flesh is melting away. Wisdom TH 21 or suffer 1d6 damage.
0811. Caster hallucinates that everyone’s skin is turning inside out. Freeze in fear for 2 rounds.
0812. Caster begins to hallucinate that they are an immoral priest for 1 day.
0813. Caster hallucinates that the entire party is dead and that they have necrophilia for 3 rounds.
0814. Caster hallucinates that they know the meaning of the universe. Wisdom TH 20 or gain random insanity.
0815. Caster begins to hallucinate that they are growing an extra limb from their forehead for 4 rounds.
0816. Caster hallucinates that a giant, UI, rabid hare named Bugs, is attempting to rape them.
0817. Caster begins to hallucinate that they have leprosy and their cock n’ balls/breasts are gonna fall off.
0818. Caster hallucinates their cock has turned to steel and will wield it in battle for 1d6 LP damage.
0819. Caster begins to hallucinate that their urine is liquid gold and they can sell it.
0820. Caster hallucinates that every shit they’ve taken will ultimately gain revenge someday by killing them.
0821. Caster hallucinates that they have giant Strength, and attempt to lift something heavy to prove it.
0822. Caster hallucinates that everyone looked at instantly dies. If immoral, enjoys it; moral, hates it.
0823. Caster begins to hallucinate that they are blind. Wisdom TH 17 or be blind forever.
0824. Caster begins to hallucinate that the target of the spell is attempting to rape an ox.
0825. Caster begins to hallucinate that they see a succubus sucking on a bear’s nipple.
0826. Caster hallucinates that he sees a moral and immoral god fighting each other. Attempts to join in.
0827. Caster hallucinates that it is the opposite season. Will attempt to wear appropriate clothing.
0828. Caster hallucinates that they have transmogrified into a rock, attempts to roll over enemies next battle.
0829. Caster hallucinates that their god has died before their own eyes. Wallow in sorrow for 1 week.
0830. Caster hallucinates that their head has exploded. Wisdom TH 18 or die, otherwise collect pieces.
0831. Caster hallucinates they’ve been impaled through the ass and out the mouth. Wisdom TH 17 or die.
0832. Caster and target forever believe that they are brothers.
0833. Caster and target forever believe that they are sisters.
0834. Caster and target forever believe that they are lovers.
0835. Caster and target forever believe that they are homosexual lovers.
0836. Caster and target forever believe that they are both homosexual.
0837. Caster and target forever believe that they are homosexual and must “get it on” NOW!
0838. Caster and target forever believe that devils and demons are Ethical Moral.
0839. Caster and target forever believe that the earth is a rhombus.
0840. Caster and target forever believe that they are bounty hunters.
0841. Caster and target forever believe that they must run off together and make babies.
0842. Caster and target forever believe that they are undead.
0843. Caster and target forever believe that they are undead whores.
0844. Caster and target forever believe that they are UI.
0845. Caster and target forever believe that they are EM.
0846. Caster and target forever believe that they are EN.
0847. Caster and target forever believe that they are NN.
0849. Caster and target forever believe that they are NI.
0850. Caster and target forever believe that they are UM.
0851. Caster and target forever believe that they are UN.
0852. Caster and target forever believe that they are EI.
0853. Caster and target forever believe that they are NI.
0854. Caster and target forever vow to kill ANYthing that looks at them the wrong way.
0855. Caster and target forever believe that they will marry each other next week.
0856. Caster and target forever believe that they will secretly attempt to kill the rest of the party.
0857. Caster and target believe they’re being pursued by a giant rabid chipmunk with huge nipples.
0858. Caster and target forever believe that life sucks and must pass Drive at TH 10 or kill themselves.
0859. Caster and target forever believe dogs are the top of the food chain, superior in every way.
0860. Caster and target forever believe that rape is wrong.
0861. Caster and target forever believe that rape is fun and should be exercised daily.
0862. Caster and target forever believe that violence with weapons is wrong.
0863. Caster and target forever believe that the stork brings babies to married couples.
0864. Caster and target forever believe that bathing in their own urine is good for the complexion.
0865. Caster and target forever believe that turds are an excellent source of nutrition.
0866. Caster and target forever believe that farting in public is what the ladies love.
0867. Caster and target forever believe that the taste of the “brown-eye” (the ass) is like ale.
0868. Caster and target forever believe that sex with living beings is gross—with dead ones is OK.
0869. Caster and target forever believe that talking things out is overrated. Attack first!
0870. Caster and target believe that dissonance and randomness are the only way of life. Become Unethical.
0871. Caster and target forever believe that order and necessity are the only way of life. Become Ethical.
0872. Caster and target forever believe that helping all is the only way of life. Become Moral.
0873. Caster and target forever believe that doing harm to all is the only way of life. Become Immoral.
0874. Caster and target forever believe that there is no such thing as bias. Become ethically neutral.
0875. Caster and target forever believe that there is no such thing as bias. Become morally neutral.
0876. Caster and target forever believe that their purpose in life is to reign in blood.
0877. Every time a spell is cast, the caster twitches violently.
0878. Every time a spell is cast, the caster screams rape.
0879. Every time a spell is cast, the caster screams bloody murder.
0880. Every time a spell is cast, the caster does a back flip (w/a Dexterity check at TH 18).
0881. Every time a spell is cast, the caster falls down.
0882. Every time a spell is cast, the caster farts at 125 decibels.
0883. Every time a spell is cast, the caster burps at 125 decibels.
0884. Every time a spell is cast, the caster bleeds from their ass.
0885. Every time a spell is cast, the caster punches themselves in the cock n’ balls/gash for 2 LP of damage.
0886. Every time a spell is cast, the caster’s eyes bug-out as if in severe constipation.
0887. Every time a spell is cast, the caster holds their right hand to their chest, attempts to bite their ear.
0888. Every time a spell is cast, the caster jumps for joy.
0889. Every time a spell is cast, the caster flips off the target.
0890. Every time a spell is cast, the caster flicks their nutsack/labia 3 times.
0891. Every time a spell is cast, the caster pukes bile.
0892. Every time a spell is cast, the caster vomits all over themselves.
0893. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “fuck me in the goat-ass!”
0894. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I like it in the butt!”
0895. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I like to masturbate in front of gramma!”
0896. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Me balls are feeling mighty heavy today!”
0897. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Gruagach are ok -- everyone should own one.”
0898. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “My cock is very small and limp!”
0899. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Incest is best!”
0900. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I don’ want to hurt you…I just want to kill you!”
0901. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Chop the bodies!”
0902. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Decapitation!”
0903. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Oh grandma…my what a pretty pussy you have.”
0904. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I got 2 words for ya…SUCK IT!”
0905. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Yeah, that’s a good little [EDITED]!”
0906. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “…Stupid piece o’ trash!”
0907. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Me balls are bleeding!”
0908. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I’ll trade ya 2 silver pieces…for your fuckin’ heart!”
0909. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “You look like 50 lbs. of donkey crap in a 10 lb. bag!”
0910. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “With your spells I die again!”
0911. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I spill blood!”
0912. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “In rapture I’m reborn!”
0913. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Pain is a godly reward!”
0914. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Bleed for ecstasy!”
0915. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “My disgust—a fever to kill a thousand more!”
0916. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Beast of earth devour!”
0917. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I am god’s holy fuck!”
0918. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “To fucked human shit—I shout blasphemy!”
0919. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “My hunger spawns the bloody frenzy!”
0920. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Kill them all for slander!”
0921. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Stain the world with the blood of man!”
0922. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Burn in me—I suffer your will!”
0923. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Praise the beast!”
0924. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Come and taste the fleshy pleasures!”
0925. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “My heart pumps ice for all who oppose!”
0926. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Bow to me faithfully!”
0927. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Zi-Zi Badur-Ku-Ku, Kannpa!”
0928. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “You worship that which means your end!”
0929. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Truth is a Weapon no pity it holds!”
0930. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Come with storm and blow the flesh from the earth!”
0931. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “My dream—the continuum that devours all things!”
0932. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I am the being that erodes all things!”
0933. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Za-A-kam Me-Lam-Ma-Bi-Du, Ki-Bal-A Su-Sa!”
0934. Every time a spell is cast, “How can you defeat that which finds nourishment in your attack?!”
0935. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I’m the collector of souls!”
0936. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “You give offering to metal and stone!”
0937. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Leeches!—You steal of our lives!”
0938. Every time a spell is cast, “We rise within the strength – the one who lays them to waste.”
0939. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “You’ll perish within my hands!”
0940. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Now YOU live the torment!”
0941. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Now you’ll reap the suffering!”
0942. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I am the Hellspawn!”
0943. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Eternal dis and torment!”
0944. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Heretics!—Taste the hunger of fire!”
0945. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Join us!” (backwards)
0946. Every time a spell is cast, “We speak the broken lines of the Great Abyssal Planes!”
0947. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “May you decay upon your mothers’ feces!”
0948. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “No mercy! Kill them! Kill them!”
0949. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I must die while suffering!”
0950. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I want to be one with the dead!”
0951. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Blood shall flow because killing is all we know!”
0952. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “The cruelty has just begun!”
0953. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Pull their flesh from bone!”
0954. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Split their spines!”
0955. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “May all rejoice in grisly disgust!”
0956. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I seek pervasion of viscera!”
0957. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Now you’re standing in my killing field!”
0958. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “By the power of debauchery!”
0959. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Beheading sustains my desire!”
0960. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I feel no remorse!”
0961. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Conflagration through my veins!”
0962. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Butcher the helpless!”
0963. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “In pain I revel!”
0964. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Slicing the flesh, sculptured wounds my catharsis!”
0965. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Feel the fucking pain!”
0966. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “The executioner I was meant to be!”
0967. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Darkness is the only light!”
0968. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Unite the dead, revel in death!”
0969. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Kill to create whores of our own!”
0970. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “You must die for me to survive!”
0971. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I believe in sacrifice!”
0972. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Odium—embedded in my skull!”
0973. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “You will plead for your scourge!”
0974. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Enter the chambers of blood!”
0975. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Die, shattered you’ll die!”
0976. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Every bone broken is my only goal!”
0977. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “The stench of decay overwhelms my brain!”
0978. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Whores long for my flesh and my desire!”
0979. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Civilized I shall not be, by this holy strain of laws!”
0980. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “And again you must die!”
0981. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Rejoice as the blood flows!”
0982. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Breathe in the pain, blackened souls remain!”
0983. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I am insAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAne!”
0984. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Ea!”
0985. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Pain I crave is pain I save!”
0986. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I despise what I see in the mirror!”
0987. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I am lost and sickened!”
0988. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I shall hear rushing liquid!”
0989. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Stab, hack, slash, kill!”
0990. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I see only red!”
0991. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “I must achieve my revenge through hatred!”
0992. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Suffer to survive, instinct I despise!”
0993. Every time a spell is cast, must chant “You’re as ugly as the poo I left in your mama’s mouth!”
0994. Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “My balls are tastier than all of yours combined!”
0995. Caster grows a piece of fruit from their dickhole/[EDITED] that ripens in 10 days. If eaten, +1 to Drive.
0996. Caster grows a piece of fruit from their dickhole/[EDITED] that ripens in 10 days. If eaten, -1 to Drive.
0997. Caster grows a piece of fruit from their dickhole/[EDITED] that ripens every 10 days. If eaten, +1 CA.
0998. Caster grows a piece of fruit from their dickhole/[EDITED] that ripens every 10 days. If eaten, -1 CA.
0999. Caster and target begin copulating instantly for 2d10 rounds. Target enjoys it thoroughly.
1000. Caster and target begin copulating instantly for 2d10 rounds. Target becomes a loyal henchman.

[Prak]

Part 2

1001. Caster and target begin copulating instantly for 2d10 rounds. Target bites caster’s cock, 2d4 dmg.
1002. Caster and target begin copulating instantly for 2d10 rounds. Target laughs like madman and runs off.
1003. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: apple skin.
1004. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: fire ant.
1005. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: slain cat.
1006. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: pig nut hair.
1007. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: severed horse cock.
1008. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: severed cow tongue.
1009. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: blade of grass.
1010. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: goat milk.
1011. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: 3 drops fresh blood.
1012. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: metal spike.
1013. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: piece of thread.
1014. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: squirrel’s eye.
1015. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: 3 seedless grapes.
1016. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: a dart.
1017. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: fresh, smelly turd.
1018. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: mold.
1019. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: brown rock.
1020. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: piece of their own skin.
1021. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: dab of ink.
1022. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: poison ivy leaf.
1023. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: silver spoon.
1024. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: 1 gram of cane sugar.
1025. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: tail of any animal.
1026. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: wing of any animal.
1027. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: rotten flesh.
1028. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: burnt flesh.
1029. Caster requires an additional ingredient for spell just cast: fly larvae (maggots)—teaspoonful.
1030. Caster requires an additional ingredient for spell just cast: 1 ounce of human fecal matter.
1031. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: 1 ounce of a female’s urine.
1032. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: snake’s fang.
1033. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: 1 strand of theit pubic hair.
1034. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: wombat fur.
1035. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: gum.
1036. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: earthworm.
1037. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: dried-up toad.
1038. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: a tadpole.
1039. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for spell just cast: a dude (elephant’s ass hair).
1040. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: a shaving of ivory.
1041. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: fish gills.
1042. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: spider legs.
1043. Caster now requires an additional ingredient for this spell just cast: snakeskin.
1044. Caster requires an additional ingredient for spell cast: handful of sweat from any cock n’ balls.
1045. Caster’s and Target’s CA gain + 21 for the next battle
1046. Caster’s and Target’s CA gain + 18 for the next battle
1047. Caster’s and Target’s CA gain + 15 for the next battle
1048. Caster’s and Target’s CA gain + 12 for the next battle
1049. Caster’s and Target’s CA gain + 9 for the next battle
1050. Caster’s and Target’s CA gain + 6 for the next battle
1051. Caster’s and Target’s CA gain + 3 for the next battle
1052. Caster’s and Target’s CA suffer - 3 for the next battle
1053. Caster’s and Target’s CA suffer - 6 for the next battle
1054. Caster’s and Target’s CA suffer - 9 for the next battle
1055. Caster’s and Target’s CA suffer - 12 for the next battle
1056. Caster’s and Target’s CA suffer - 15 for the next battle
1057. Caster’s and Target’s CA suffer - 18 for the next battle
1058. Caster’s and Target’s CA suffer - 21 for the next battle
1059. Random nearby enemy or party member gains + 21 to hit in this battle
1060. Random nearby enemy or party member gains + 18 to hit in this battle
1061. Random nearby enemy or party member gains + 15 to hit in this battle
1062. Random nearby enemy or party member gains + 12 to hit in this battle
1063. Random nearby enemy or party member gains + 9 to hit in this battle
1064. Random nearby enemy or party member gains + 6 to hit in this battle
1065. Random nearby enemy or party member gains + 3 to hit in this battle
1066. Random nearby enemy or party member suffers - 3 to hit in this battle
1067. Random nearby enemy or party member suffers - 6 to hit in this battle
1068. Random nearby enemy or party member suffers - 9 to hit in this battle
1069. Random nearby enemy or party member suffers - 12 to hit in this battle
1070. Random nearby enemy or party member suffers - 15 to hit in this battle
1071. Random nearby enemy or party member suffers - 18 to hit in this battle
1072. Random nearby enemy or party member suffers - 20 to hit in this battle
1073. Caster shits a random gem once per day if meat is consumed.
1074. Caster has 50% chance that 2 random gems are shit per day if meat is consumed.
1075. Caster has 25% chance that 4 random gems are shit per day if meat is consumed. Lose 1 LP.
1076. Caster has 12% chance that 8 random gems are shit per day if meat is consumed. Lose 2 LP.
1077. Caster has 6% chance that 16 random gems are shit per day if meat is consumed. Lose 4 LP.
1078. Caster has 3% chance that 32 random gems are shit per day if meat is consumed. Lose 8 LP.
1079. Caster has 1% chance that a 5,000 gp gem is shit per day if meat is consumed. Lose 16 LP.
1080. Caster’s sperm will continue to reproduce after ejaculation at same rate as when in scrotum.
1081. The nearest female notices that her beef-curtains double in size, lowering her Bod. Att. by 5.
1082. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 10 copper appearing.
1083. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 100 copper appearing.
1084. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 1000 copper appearing.
1085. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 10 silver appearing.
1086. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 100 silver appearing.
1087. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 1000 silver appearing.
1088. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 10 gold appearing.
1089. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 100 gold appearing.
1090. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 1000 gold appearing.
1091. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 10 bronze appearing.
1092. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 100 bronze appearing.
1093. Cumulative 1% chance per spell level of 1000 bronze appearing.
1094. 5% chance the caster’s urine hardens into liquid gold pieces after 1 hour.
1095. 5% chance/week to puke-up a random gem; pass Health check TH 21 or die.
1096. 3% chance/week to puke-up a random gem; pass Health check TH 21 or die.
1097. 1% chance/day of blowing a wad of liquid pearl.
1098. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: + 1 platemail.
1099. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: +2 leather.
1100. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: +3 platemail.
1101. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: +2 4-in-1 chainmail.
1102. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: +1 6-in-1 chainmail.
1103. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: +2 scalemail.
1104. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: +1 brigandine.
1105. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: +2 ceremonial platemail.
1106. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: +1 studded leather.
1107. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: platemail.
1108. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: leather.
1109. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: platemail.
1110. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: 4-in-1 chainmail.
1111. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: 6-in-1 chainmail.
1112. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: scale mail.
1113. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: brigandine.
1114. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: ceremonial platemail.
1115. A suit of armor appears on a random party member: studded leather.
1116. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 long spear.
1117. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 long bow.
1118. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 short sword.
1119. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 long sword.
1120. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 footman’s flail.
1121. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 10 ranseur.
1122. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 halberd.
1123. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 10 scourge.
1124. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 voulge.
1125. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 glaive.
1126. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 10 footman’s war hammer.
1127. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 falchion.
1128. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 15 awl pike.
1129. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 10 zwei-hander.
1130. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 15 maul.
1131. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 trident.
1132. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 10 whip.
1133. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 hand crossbow.
1134. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 10 dagger.
1135. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 bipennis.
1136. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 15 footman’s military pick.
1137. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 5 sling.
1138. A random weapon appears in the hands of a random enemy: + 10 horseman’s military pick.
1139. All coins vanish from the possession of a random party member.
1140. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Boar.
1141. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Bull.
1142. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Camel.
1143. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Guard dog.
1144. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Hunting dog.
1145. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: War dog.
1146. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Ass.
1147. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Falcon.
1148. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Draft horse.
1149. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Homing pigeon.
1150. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Bear.
1151. This trained animal becomes henchman for random party member: Ox.
1152. Caster attempts to sniff the target’s asshole.
1153. Target gets a 6’ erection for the battle and Sprint speed is halved while CA drops by 8.
1154. Caster’s entire face shrivels like a prune for 2 rounds.
1155. Caster and target’s legs are twisted until broken. Aedile decides penalties and damage.
1156. Whenever the caster opens their mouth, everyone can see eternity.
1157. Caster gains the tongue of a snake.
1158. Caster runs in a triangular pattern of 10 yards each side for 3 rounds.
1159. Target does somersaults in a 20’ radius for 2 rounds.
1160. Caster and target play paper rock scissors (2 out of 3). Winner climbs up a tree and jumps.
1161. Caster runs to the nearest enemy and screams to its face “I fucked your mama last night!”
1162. Target is afflicted with suicidal mania for 2 hours.
1163. Caster is stricken with homicidal mania for 2 hours.
1164. Caster attempts to flick the genitalia of every party member.
1165. Target pleads to the nearest enemy: “It’s all the caster’s fault!—He did it! He did it!”
1166. Caster carves 100 times on the next tree seen: “My name is George…I eat shit for breakfast!”
1167. Caster picks up a strange habit: fondling their balls/breasts in public, deliberately in front of bar-maids.
1168. Caster picks up a strange habit: slapping themselves in the head whenever they say the word ‘the.’
1169. Caster picks up a strange habit: picking their ass in their spare time in the evening.
1170. Caster picks up a strange habit: speaking to walls in public places as if their lover.
1171. Caster picks up a strange habit: mooning everyone that has a Charisma of 120 or better.
1172. Caster picks up a strange habit: violent eye-twitching all day, everyday. (also the effect of reading the rules)
1173. Caster picks up a strange habit: eating a mouthful of dirt immediately after hearing the word ‘hello.’
1174. Caster picks up a strange habit: humping inanimate objects in public places after in the afternoon.
1175. Caster picks up a strange habit: exposing themselves to characters who mention money at all.
1176. Caster picks up a strange habit: self-induced vomiting in times of financial crises.
1177. Caster picks up a strange habit: yelling at their left hand in any tavern.
1178. Caster picks up a strange habit: slapping their own ass constantly as if swatting a fly.
1179. Caster picks up a strange habit: “Riding the Bull” during battle.
1180. Caster picks up a strange habit: screaming at their weapon if they miss.
1181. Caster picks up a strange habit: purposely twitching their entire head and arms while in town.
1182. Caster picks up a strange habit: tripping themselves constantly in residential areas for attention.
1183. Caster picks up a strange habit: speak backwards in an attempt to impress women with Charisma 120+.
1184. Caster picks up a strange habit: screaming at random males “I can smell your balls!”
1185. Caster picks up a strange habit: screaming at random females “I can smell your [EDITED]!”
1186. Caster picks up a strange habit: Humping church stairs whenever encountered.
1187. Caster picks up a strange habit: Masturbating in the faces of sleeping street bums.
1188. Caster picks up a strange habit: Defecate as normal, but waits to wipe their ass until in public.
1189. Caster picks up a strange habit: Using their fingers to “quote” everything said.
1190. Caster picks up a strange habit: playing catch by themselves with a rock and screaming “foul!”
1191. Caster picks up a strange habit: making loud orgasmic sounds while in a tavern.
1192. Target’s body part falls off: genitalia.
1193. Target’s body part falls off: left ear.
1194. Target’s body part falls off: 1d6 front teeth.
1195. Target’s body part falls off: tongue (no more chanting spells if a spellcaster).
1196. Target’s body part falls off: head (dead).
1197. Target’s body part falls off: right hand (“no more palming it”).
1198. Target’s body part falls off: nose.
1199. Target’s body part falls off: lips.
1200. Target’s body part falls off: buttocks.
1201. Target’s body part falls off: left eye (-20 to hit, -50 Vision).
1202. Accidentally casts Ablation.
1203. Accidentally casts Acclimation.
1204. Accidentally casts Acidic Touch.
1205. Accidentally casts Aching Feet.
1206. Accidentally casts Against every Wild Animal, Aquatic Creature, and Robbers.
1207. Accidentally casts Against Evil Sleep.
1208. Accidentally casts Against Menstruation.
1209. Accidentally casts Agelast.
1210. Accidentally casts Akeldama.
1211. Accidentally casts Alchemy.
1212. Accidentally casts Alter Temperature.
1213. Accidentally casts An Excellent Spell for Silencing, for Subjecting, and for Restraining.
1214. Accidentally casts Anti-venom.
1215. Accidentally casts Arachnid Feet.
1216. Accidentally casts Ascertain Properties.
1217. Accidentally casts Audio Range.
1218. Accidentally casts Augment Charisma.
1219. Accidentally casts Augment Dexterity.
1220. Accidentally casts Augment Intelligence.
1221. Accidentally casts Augment Physique.
1222. Accidentally casts Augment Wisdom.
1223. Accidentally casts Banish Allergy.
1224. Accidentally casts Banish Disease.
1225. Accidentally casts Banish Intoxication.
1226. Accidentally casts Banish Paralysis.
1227. Accidentally casts Banish Poison.
1228. Accidentally casts Beguile Enemy.
1229. Accidentally casts Bestow Aching Back.
1230. Accidentally casts Bestow Aeon.
1231. Accidentally casts Bestow Allergy.
1232. Accidentally casts Bestow Asphyxiation.
1233. Accidentally casts Bestow Aura.
1234. Accidentally casts Bestow Blindness.
1235. Accidentally casts Bestow Blistering Boils.
1236. Accidentally casts Bestow Century.
1237. Accidentally casts Bestow Contortion.
1238. Accidentally casts Bestow Convulsion.
1239. Accidentally casts Bestow Deafness.
1240. Accidentally casts Bestow Decade.
1241. Accidentally casts Bestow Disease.
1242. Accidentally casts Bestow Fatigue.
1243. Accidentally casts Bestow Greater Harm.
1244. Accidentally casts Bestow Harm.
1245. Accidentally casts Bestow Intoxication.
1246. Accidentally casts Bestow Leprosy.
1247. Accidentally casts Bestow Lesser Harm.
1248. Accidentally casts Bestow Loss of Appetite.
1249. Accidentally casts Bestow Millennium.
1250. Accidentally casts Bestow Muteness.
1251. Accidentally casts Bestow Numbness.
1252. Accidentally casts Bestow Paralysis.
1253. Accidentally casts Bestow Virus.
1254. Accidentally casts Brittlebone.
1255. Accidentally casts Burning Bush.
1256. Accidentally casts Business Spell.
1257. Accidentally casts Call Acid Rain.
1258. Accidentally casts Call Animals.
1259. Accidentally casts Call Avalanche.
1260. Accidentally casts Call Ball Lightning.
1261. Accidentally casts Call Blizzard.
1262. Accidentally casts Call Chilly Gust.
1263. Accidentally casts Call Familiar.
1264. Accidentally casts Call Flood.
1265. Accidentally casts Call Fog.
1266. Accidentally casts Call Gale Wind.
1267. Accidentally casts Call Greater Item.
1268. Accidentally casts Call Guard Dog.
1269. Accidentally casts Call Lesser Being.
1270. Accidentally casts Call Light.
1271. Accidentally casts Call Lightning.
1272. Accidentally casts Call Maggots.
1273. Accidentally casts Call Magic Mail.
1274. Accidentally casts Call Object.
1275. Accidentally casts Call Quake.
1276. Accidentally casts Call Tidal Wave.
1277. Accidentally casts Call Vermin.
1278. Accidentally casts Charm for Causing Separation.
1279. Accidentally casts Charm for Direct Vision.
1280. Accidentally casts Charm Small Mammal.
1281. Accidentally casts Charm to Break Enchantment.
1282. Accidentally casts Charm to Break Spells.
1283. Accidentally casts Charm to Induce Insomnia I.
1284. Accidentally casts Charm to Induce Insomnia II.
1285. Accidentally casts Charm to Inflict Harm I.
1286. Accidentally casts Charm to Inflict Harm II.
1287. Accidentally casts Charm to Inflict Harm III.
1288. Accidentally casts Charm to Open a Door.
1289. Accidentally casts Charm to Subject.
1290. Accidentally casts Coal Foot.
1291. Accidentally casts Cocoon.
1292. Accidentally casts Coercive Spell for Restraining.
1293. Accidentally casts Complete Healing.
1294. Accidentally casts Conflagration.
1295. Accidentally casts Contraceptive Spell.
1296. Accidentally casts Convert to Cannibal.
1297. Accidentally casts Cover Tracks.
1299. Accidentally casts Create Species.
1300. Accidentally casts Cryogenics.
1301. Accidentally casts Cryoprobe.
1302. Accidentally casts Cryotherapy.
1303. Accidentally casts Cup Spell.
1304. Accidentally casts De Medicamentis.
1305. Accidentally casts Decortication.
1306. Accidentally casts Demokritos’ Sphere.
1307. Accidentally casts Demokritos’ Table Gimmicks.
1308. Accidentally casts Detect Air.
1309. Accidentally casts Detect Choleric Temperament.
1310. Accidentally casts Detect Earth.
1311. Accidentally casts Detect Emotion.
1312. Accidentally casts Detect Ether.
1313. Accidentally casts Detect Ethicality.
1314. Accidentally casts Detect Evanescence.
1315. Accidentally casts Detect Fire.
1316. Accidentally casts Detect Immorality.
1317. Accidentally casts Detect Lie.
1318. Accidentally casts Detect Magic.
1319. Accidentally casts Detect Melancholic Temperament.
1320. Accidentally casts Detect Morality.
1321. Accidentally casts Detect Object.
1322. Accidentally casts Detect Phlegmatic Temperament.
1323. Accidentally casts Detect Sanguine Temperament.
1324. Accidentally casts Detect Surface Thoughts.
1325. Accidentally casts Detect Thoughts.
1326. Accidentally casts Detect Unethicality.
1327. Accidentally casts Detect Water.
1328. Accidentally casts Determine Magic.
1329. Accidentally casts Detonation.
1330. Accidentally casts Develop Breasts.
1331. Accidentally casts Diminish Charisma.
1332. Accidentally casts Diminish Dexterity.
1333. Accidentally casts Diminish Intelligence.
1334. Accidentally casts Diminish Physique.
1335. Accidentally casts Diminish Wisdom.
1336. Accidentally casts Discursivity.
1337. Accidentally casts Divination by Means of a Boy.
1338. Accidentally casts Divine Maul.
1339. Accidentally casts Drawn and Quartered.
1340. Accidentally casts Dream Spell.
1341. Accidentally casts Ejaculate Acid.
1342. Accidentally casts Ejaculate Blood.
1343. Accidentally casts Ejaculate Poison.
1344. Accidentally casts Electrical Field.
1345. Accidentally casts Eternal Spell for Binding a Lover.
1346. Accidentally casts Evanescence.
1347. Accidentally casts Evil Sleep I.
1348. Accidentally casts Evil Sleep II.
1349. Accidentally casts Evil Sleep III.
1350. Accidentally casts False Alchemy.
1351. Accidentally casts Fatal.
1352. Accidentally casts Fatal Fable.
1353. Accidentally casts Favor and Victory Charm.
1354. Accidentally casts Fetching Charm.
1355. Accidentally casts Fetching Charm for an Unmanageable Woman.
1356. Accidentally casts Fierce Fire.
1357. Accidentally casts Flight.
1358. Accidentally casts Flyweight.
1359. Accidentally casts For a Sleeping Woman to Confess the Name of the Man she Loves.
1360. Accidentally casts For an Erection.
1361. Accidentally casts For Ascent of the Uterus.
1362. Accidentally casts For Coughs.
1363. Accidentally casts For Discharge of the Eyes.
1364. Accidentally casts For Fever with Shivering Fits.
1365. Accidentally casts For Swollen Testicles.
1366. Accidentally casts Force Ballista.
1367. Accidentally casts Force Falsity.
1368. Accidentally casts Force Fart.
1369. Accidentally casts Force Favor.
1370. Accidentally casts Force Fear.
1371. Accidentally casts Force Fearlessness.
1372. Accidentally casts Force Mass Fear.
1373. Accidentally casts Force Missile.
1374. Accidentally casts Force Rancor.
1375. Accidentally casts Force Scream.
1376. Accidentally casts Force Slumber.
1377. Accidentally casts Foreknowledge Charm I.
1378. Accidentally casts Foreknowledge Charm II.
1379. Accidentally casts Frosty Touch.
1380. Accidentally casts Greater Bidding.
1381. Accidentally casts Greater Electrical Discharge.
1382. Accidentally casts Greater Healing.
1383. Accidentally casts Greater Holocaust.
1384. Accidentally casts Greater Hologram.
1385. Accidentally casts Greater Mass Bidding.
1386. Accidentally casts Greater Mending.
1387. Accidentally casts Greater Perpetual Hologram.
1388. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Acid.
1389. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Air.
1390. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Armor.
1391. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Bases.
1392. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Cold.
1393. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Discipline.
1394. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Earth.
1395. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Electricity.
1396. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Ethicality.
1397. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Fire.
1398. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Immorality.
1399. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Morality.
1400. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Poison.
1401. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Skill.
1402. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Sonics.
1403. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Unethicality.
1404. Accidentally casts Greater Vulnerability to Weapon.
1405. Accidentally casts Happy Cleaver.
1406. Accidentally casts Heal Dislocation or Fracture.
1407. Accidentally casts Healing.
1408. Accidentally casts Hearing Voices.
1409. Accidentally casts Heating.
1410. Accidentally casts Hover.
1411. Accidentally casts Hurl Voice.
1412. Accidentally casts Imbue Item.
1413. Accidentally casts Immutability.
1414. Accidentally casts Immutable Wound.
1415. Accidentally casts Indispensable Invisibility.
1416. Accidentally casts Inferno.
1417. Accidentally casts Internal Explosion.
1418. Accidentally casts Intestinal Wreathe.
1419. Accidentally casts Invincibility.
1420. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Acid.
1421. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Air.
1422. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Bases.
1423. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Cold.
1424. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Earth.
1425. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Electricity.
1426. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Fire.
1427. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Gaze.
1428. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Poison.
1429. Accidentally casts Invincibility to Water.
1430. Accidentally casts Invisibility.
1431. Accidentally casts Ionic Attack.
1432. Accidentally casts Lesser Bidding.
1433. Accidentally casts Lesser Electrical Discharge.
1434. Accidentally casts Lesser Healing.
1435. Accidentally casts Lesser Holocaust.
1436. Accidentally casts Lesser Hologram.
1437. Accidentally casts Lesser Mending.
1438. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Acid.
1439. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Air.
1440. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Armor.
1441. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Bases.
1442. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Cholerics.
1443. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Cold.
1444. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Discipline.
1445. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Earth.
1446. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Electricity.
1447. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Ethicality.
1448. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Fire.
1449. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Immorality.
1450. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Melancholics.
1451. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Morality.
1452. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Phlegmatics.
1453. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Poison.
1454. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Sanguines.
1455. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Skill.
1456. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Unethicality.
1457. Accidentally casts Lesser Vulnerability to Weapon.
1458. Accidentally casts Living Monstrosity.
1459. Accidentally casts Love Spell I.
1460. Accidentally casts Love Spell II.
1461. Accidentally casts Love Spell III.
1462. Accidentally casts Love Spell IV.
1463. Accidentally casts Love Spell V.
1464. Accidentally casts Love Spell of Attraction I.
1465. Accidentally casts Love Spell of Attraction II.
1466. Accidentally casts Love Spell of Attraction III.
1467. Accidentally casts Love Spell of Attraction IV.
1468. Accidentally casts Love Spell of Attraction through Touch.
1469. Accidentally casts Madness.
1470. Accidentally casts Magical Warning.
1471. Accidentally casts Martyrization.
1472. Accidentally casts Mass Bidding.
1473. Accidentally casts Mass Complete Healing.
1474. Accidentally casts Mass Evanescence.
1475. Accidentally casts Mass Greater Healing.
1476. Accidentally casts Mass Lesser Healing.
1477. Accidentally casts Mass Healing.
1478. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Acid.
1479. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Air.
1480. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Bases.
1481. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Cholerics.
1482. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Cold.
1483. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Discipline.
1484. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Earth.
1485. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Electricity.
1486. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Ethicality.
1487. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Fire.
1488. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Gaze.
1489. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Immorality.
1490. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Melancholics.
1491. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Morality.
1492. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Phlegmatics.
1493. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Physical Harm.
1494. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Poison.
1495. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Sanguines.
1496. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Sonics.
1497. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Unethicality.
1498. Accidentally casts Mass Protection from Water.
1499. Accidentally casts Mass Teleportation.
1500. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Acid.
1501. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Air.
1502. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Armor.
1503. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Bases.
1504. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Cholerics.
1505. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Cold.
1506. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Discipline.
1507. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Earth.
1508. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Electricity.
1509. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Ethicality.
1510. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Fire.
1511. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Immorality.
1512. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Melancholics.
1513. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Morality.
1514. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Phlegmatics.
1515. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Poison.
1516. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Sanguines.
1517. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Skill.
1518. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Sonics.
1519. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Unethicality.
1520. Accidentally casts Mass Vulnerability to Weapon.
1521. Accidentally casts Meltdown.
1522. Accidentally casts Miasma.
1523. Accidentally casts Modify Molecules.
1524. Accidentally casts Multiplication of Loaves and Fish.
1525. Accidentally casts Oracle.
1526. Accidentally casts Pain Berry.
1527. Accidentally casts Palfrey.
1528. Accidentally casts Perpetual Bleeding.
1529. Accidentally casts Perpetual Burn.
1530. Accidentally casts Perpetual Healing.
1531. Accidentally casts Perpetual Hologram.
1532. Accidentally casts Perpetual Orgasm.
1533. Accidentally casts Perpetual Slumber.
1534. Accidentally casts Pestilential Host.
1535. Accidentally casts Pestilential Penis.
1536. Accidentally casts Pestilential Pudenda.
1537. Accidentally casts Phlogistic Augmentation.
1538. Accidentally casts Pillar of Smoke.
1539. Accidentally casts Pillars of Lightning.
1540. Accidentally casts Pillars of Salt.
1541. Accidentally casts Pleasure Berry.
1542. Accidentally casts Possession.
1543. Accidentally casts Prayer of Deliverance.
1544. Accidentally casts Predilection.
1545. Accidentally casts Preservation.
1546. Accidentally casts Protection from Acid.
1547. Accidentally casts Protection from Air.
1548. Accidentally casts Protection from Bases.
1549. Accidentally casts Protection from Cholerics.
1550. Accidentally casts Protection from Cold.
1551. Accidentally casts Protection from Discipline.
1552. Accidentally casts Protection from Earth.
1553. Accidentally casts Protection from Electricity.
1554. Accidentally casts Protection from Ethicality
1555. Accidentally casts Protection from Fire.
1556. Accidentally casts Protection from Gaze.
1557. Accidentally casts Protection from Immorality.
1558. Accidentally casts Protection from Melancholics.
1559. Accidentally casts Protection from Morality.
1560. Accidentally casts Protection from Phlegmatics.
1561. Accidentally casts Protection from Physical Harm.
1562. Accidentally casts Protection from Poison.
1563. Accidentally casts Protection from Sanguines.
1564. Accidentally casts Protection from Sonics.
1565. Accidentally casts Protection from Unethicality.
1566. Accidentally casts Protection from Water.
1567. Accidentally casts Puddle of Crud.
1568. Accidentally casts Pudenda Key Spell.
1569. Accidentally casts Putrid Portrait.
1570. Accidentally casts Raise Prowess.
1571. Accidentally casts Random Dismemberment.
1572. Accidentally casts Random Impaling.
1573. Accidentally casts Random Mangling.
1574. Accidentally casts Re-animation.
1575. Accidentally casts Recipe for Blindness.
1576. Accidentally casts Recipe for Blistering Death.
1577. Accidentally casts Recipe for Death.
1578. Accidentally casts Recipe for Making a Woman Mad After a Man.
1579. Accidentally casts Recipe for Skin Disease.
1580. Accidentally casts Regeneration.
1581. Accidentally casts Rend Asunder.
1582. Accidentally casts Request for a Dream Oracle.
1583. Accidentally casts Restraining Rite for Anything.
1584. Accidentally casts Restraining Spell.
1585. Accidentally casts Resurrection of a Dead Body.
1586. Accidentally casts Revivification.
1587. Accidentally casts Rite for Acquiring an Assistant Demon.
1588. Accidentally casts Rite for Driving out Demons.
1589. Accidentally casts Rite to Produce an Epiphany of Kore.
1590. Accidentally casts Rot.
1591. Accidentally casts Sanitize Food/Beverage.
1592. Accidentally casts Seal Item.
1593. Accidentally casts Seal Orifice.
1594. Accidentally casts Soulstealer’s Black Bolt.
1595. Accidentally casts Spell for Causing Talk while Asleep.
1596. Accidentally casts Spell for Questioning Corpses.
1597. Accidentally casts Spell for Removal of Poison.
1598. Accidentally casts Spell for Restraining Anger.
1599. Accidentally casts Spell to Catch a Thief.
1600. Accidentally casts Spell to Cause a Woman to Hate a Man.
1601. Accidentally casts Spell to Subject and Silence.
1602. Accidentally casts Spermatozoa Rejuvenation.
1603. Accidentally casts Spermicidal Sphere.
1604. Accidentally casts Strength.
1605. Accidentally casts Symbol of Ethicality.
1606. Accidentally casts Symbol of Immorality.
1607. Accidentally casts Symbol of Morality.
1608. Accidentally casts Symbol of Unethicality.
1609. Accidentally casts Teleportation.
1610. Accidentally casts Tenesmus.
1611. Accidentally casts Test of Pregnancy.
1612. Accidentally casts To Keep Bugs Out of the House.
1613. Accidentally casts To Win at Dice.
1614. Accidentally casts Trance.
1615. Accidentally casts Transmogrification.
1616. Accidentally casts Transmogrify Dirt and Mud.
1617. Accidentally casts Transmogrify Flesh to Stone.
1618. Accidentally casts Transmogrify Life.
1619. Accidentally casts Transmogrify Metal and Wood.
1620. Accidentally casts Transmogrify Object.
1621. Accidentally casts True Name.
1622. Accidentally casts Truncheon.
1623. Accidentally casts Unattractive.
1624. Accidentally casts Vanish.
1625. Accidentally casts Walk on Water.
1626. Accidentally casts Waves Be Still.
1627. Accidentally casts Wish.
1628. Accidentally casts Wishbone.
1629. Accidentally casts Wooden Carapace.
1630. Accidentally casts Worst Nightmare.
1631. Caster is forever able to speak only while having sex.
1632. Target creature is forever able to speak only while having sex.
1633. Caster is forever able to feel sexual excitement only while speaking.
1634. Target creature is forever able to feel sexual excitement only while speaking.
1635. Caster is forever able to urinate only while doing a hand-stand.
1636. Target creature is forever able to urinate only while doing a hand-stand.
1637. Caster is forever able to defecate only while sprinting.
1638. Target creature is forever able to defecate only while sprinting.
1639. Caster becomes permanently hunchbacked, effectively losing (1d10)% of their height.
1640. Target creatire becomes permanently hunchbacked, effectively losing (1d10)% of their height.
1641. Caster forever urinates and defecates during each orgasm.
1642. Target creature forever urinates and defecates during each orgasm.
1643. Caster forever farts during each orgasm.
1644. Target creatire forever farts during each orgasm.
1645. Caster forever belches during each orgasm.
1646. Target creature forever belches during each orgasm.
1647. Caster forever experiences an orgasm during each fart.
1648. Target creature forever experiences an orgasm during each fart.
1649. Caster forever experiences an orgasm during each belch.
1650. Target creature forever experiences an orgasm during each belch.
1651. Caster’s genital hair falls out and never grows again.
1652. Target creature’s genital hair falls out and never grows again.
1653. Caster forever snores during entire sleep. The snoring is as loud as possible.
1654. Target creature forever snores during entire sleep. The snoring is as loud as possible.
1655. Caster forever and coherently speaks the truth while asleep to those who ask questions.
1656. Target creature forever and coherently speaks the truth while asleep to those who as questions.
1657. Caster forever urinates once during each deep sleep.
1658. Target creature forever urinates once during each deep sleep.
1659. Caster forever calls out the name of the previous lover during intercourse with the current lover.
1660. Target creature forever calls out the name of the previous lover during intercourse with the current lover.
1661. Caster forever becomes sexually excited for only 3d20 seconds before losing all interest.
1662. Target creature forever becomes sexually excited for only 3d20 seconds before losing all interest.
1663. Caster forever hiccups during sexually excitement.
1664. Target creature forever hiccups during sexual excitement.
1665. Caster forever experiences the orgasm of their sexual partner; the partner does not feel it.
1666. Target creature forever experiences the orgasm of their sexual partner; the partner does not feel it.
1667. Caster forever reverses the order of words in spoken sentences. The words are unaffected.
1668. Target creature forever reverses the order of words in spoken sentences. The words are unaffected.
1669. Caster forever reverse-farts, sucking air in instead of pushing it out.
1670. Target creature forever reverse-farts, sucking air in instead of pushing it out.
1671. Caster’s nipples are rearranged randomly on each breast.
1672. Target creature’s nipples are rearranged randomly on each breast.
1673. Caster forever produces a small, squealing fart every time they swallow food.
1674. Target creature forever produces a small, squealing fart every time they swallow food.
1675. Caster forever hiccups while telling a lie.
1676. Target creature forever hiccups while telling a lie.
1677. Caster forever hiccups while telling the truth.
1678. Target creature forever hiccups while telling the truth.
1679. Caster acquires abasiophilia.
1680. Target creature acquires abasiophilia.
1681. Caster acquires acrotomophilia.
1682. Target creature acquires acrotomophilia.
1683. Caster acquires anorexia nervosa.
1684. Target creature acquires anorexia nervosa.
1685. Caster acquires antisocial personality disorder.
1686. Target creature acquires antisocial personality disorder.
1687. Caster acquires autoabasiophilia.
1688. Target creature acquires autoabasiophilia.
1689. Caster acquires avoidant personality disorder.
1690. Target creature acquires avoidant personality disorder.
1691. Caster acquires bipolar disorder.
1692. Target creature acquires bipolar disorder.
1693. Caster acquires borderline personality disorder.
1694. Target creature acquires borderline personality disorder.
1695. Caster acquires coprophilia.
1696. Target creature acquires coprophilia.
1697. Caster acquires dementia.
1698. Target creature acquires dementia.
1699. Caster acquires dependent personality disorder.
1700. Target creature acquires dependent personality disorder.
1701. Caster acquires depersonalization disorder.
1702. Target creature acquires depersonalization disorder.
1703. Caster acquires depression.
1704. Target creature acquires depression.
1705. Caster acquires dissociative fugue.
1706. Target creature acquires dissociative fugue.
1707. Caster acquires dissociative identity disorder.
1708. Target creature acquires dissociative identity disorder.
1709. Caster acquires erotophonophilia.
1710. Target creature acquires erotophonophilia.
1711. Caster acquires exhibitionism.
1712. Target creature acquires exhibitionism.
1713. Caster acquires formicophilia.
1714. Target creature acquires formicophilia.
1715. Caster acquires frotteurism.
1716. Target creature acquires frotteurism.
1717. Caster acquires generalized anxiety disorder.
1718. Target creature acquires generalized anxiety disorder.
1719. Caster acquires histrionic personality disorder.
1720. Target creature acquires histrionic personality disorder.
1721. Caster acquires hypersomnia.
1722. Target creature acquires hypersomnia.
1723. Caster acquires hypoxyphilia.
1724. Target creature acquires hypoxyphilia.
1725. Caster acquires intermittent explosive disorder.
1726. Target creature acquires intermittent explosive disorder.
1727. Caster acquires kleptomania.
1728. Target creature acquires kleptomania.
1729. Caster acquires mania.
1730. Target creature acquires mania.
1731. Caster acquires narcissistic personality disorder.
1732. Target creature acquires narcissistic personality disorder.
1733. Caster acquires narratophilia.
1734. Target creature acquires narratophilia.
1735. Caster acquires necrophilia.
1736. Target creature acquires necrophilia.
1737. Caster acquires nymphomania.
1738. Target creature acquires nymphomania.
1739. Caster acquires obsessive-compulsive disorder.
1740. Target creature acquires obsessive-compulsive disorder.
1741. Caster acquires obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
1742. Target creature acquires obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
1743. Caster acquires panic disorder.
1744. Target creature acquires panic disorder.
1745. Caster acquires paranoia.
1746. Target creature acquires paranoia.
1747. Caster acquires paranoid personality disorder.
1748. Target creature acquires paranoid personality disorder.
1749. Caster acquires pathological gambling.
1750. Target creature acquires pathological gambling.
1751. Caster acquires pedophilia.
1752. Target creature acquires pedophilia.
1753. Caster acquires a phobia. (Consult both Chapter 5: Mind and Appendix 4: Phobias.)
1754. Target creature acquires a phobia. (Consult both Chapter 5: Mind and Appendix 4: Phobias.)
1755. Caster acquires post-traumatic stress disorder.
1756. Target creature acquires post-traumatic stress disorder.
1757. Caster acquires psychosis.
1758. Target creature acquires psychosis.
1759. Caster acquires pyromania.
1760. Target creature acquires pyromania.
1761. Caster acquires raptophilia.
1762. Target creature acquires raptophilia.
1763. Caster acquires schizoid personality disorder.
1764. Target creature acquires schizoid personality disorder.
1765. Caster acquires schizophrenia.
1766. Target creature acquires schizophrenia.
1767. Caster acquires scoptophilia.
1768. Target creature acquires scoptophilia.
1769. Caster acquires sexual masochism.
1770. Target acquires sexual masochism.
1771. Caster acquires sexual sadism.
1772. Target creature acquires sexual sadism.
1773. Caster acquires sleepwalking disorder.
1774. Target creature acquires sleepwalking disorder.
1775. Caster acquires somnophilia.
1776. Target creature acquires somnophilia.
1777. Caster acquires trichotillomania.
1778. Target creature acquires trichotillomania.
1779. Caster acquires urophilia.
1780. Target creature acquires urophilia.
1781. Caster acquires vaginismus.
1782. Target creature acquires vaginismus.
1783. Caster acquires vomerophilia.
1784. Target creature acquires vomerophilia.
1785. Caster acquires voyeurism.
1786. Target creature acquires voyeurism.
1787. Caster acquires zoophilia.
1788. Target creature acquires zoophilia.
1789. Caster immediately desires to change their occupation.
1790. Target creature immediately desires to change their occupation.
1791. Caster permanently renounces their god.
1792. Target creature permanently renounces their god.
1793. Caster must seek 1d20 sexual partners, but at the moment of truth, refuses each of them.
1794. Target creature must seek 1d20 sexual partners, but at the moment of truth, refuses each of them.
1795. Caster becomes permanently unable to orgasm, though they may still enjoy sex.
1796. Target creature becomes permanently unable to orgasm, though they may still enjoy sex.
1797. Caster is forever unable to urinate unless birds can be heard chirping.
1798. Target creature is forever unable to urinate unless birds can be heard chirping.
1799. Caster is forever unable to breathe unless their thumb is plugging up their butt.
1800. Target creature is forever unable to breathe unless their thumb is plugging up their butt.
1801. If there is grass underneath the caster’s feet, it will never cease to grow.
1802. Caster is far beyond driven to steal undergarments, and must do so once per day or lose 1 LP.
1803. Target creature is far beyond driven to steal undergarments, and must do so once per day or lose 1 LP.
1804. Caster gives a vulgar display of power with their mouth for war by yelling, “I’m fucking hostile!”
1805. Target creature gives a vulgar display of power with their mouth for war by yelling “I’m fucking hostile!”
1806. Caster must end every sentence with the word ‘fatal.’
1807. Target creature must end every sentence with the word ‘fatal.’
1808. Caster is compelled to go to the nearest mountaintop and build a cottage.
1809. Target creature is compelled to go to the nearest mountaintop and build a cottage.
1810. Caster permanently has a memory of no longer than 2 minutes.
1811. Target creature permanently has a memory of no longer than 2 minutes.
1812. Caster believes that everyone met who is 20 years younger than them is their child.
1813. Target creature believes that everyone met who is 20 years younger than them is their child.
1814. Caster believes that those closest to them are full of lies.
1815. Target creature believes that those closest to them are full of lies.
1816. Caster forgets what they are doing here right now.
1817. Target creature forgets what they are doing here right now.
1818. Caster squints, remains quiet and motionless, and urinates on themselves.
1819. Target creature squints, remains quiet and motionless, and urinates on themselves.
1820. Caster vows to avenge the next thing done to anybody.
1821. Target creature vows to avenge the next thing done to anybody.
1822. Caster attempts to disembowel the next creature who annoys the caster.
1823. Target creature attempts to disembowel the next creature who annoys the caster.
1824. Caster desires to begin a collection of body parts.
1825. Target creature desires to begin a collection of body parts.
1826. Caster begins a dead anakim collection.
1827. Target creature begins a dead anakim collection.
1828. Caster begins a dead bugbear collection.
1829. Target creature begins a dead bugbear collection.
1830. Caster begins a dead human collection.
1831. Target creature begins a dead human collection.
1832. Caster begins a dead kobold collection.
1833. Target creature begins a dead kobold collection.
1834. Caster begins a dead ogre collection.
1835. Target creature begins a dead ogre collection.
1836. Caster begins a dead troll collection.
1837. Target creature begins a dead troll collection.
1838. Caster begins a dead humanoid collection.
1839. Target creature begins a dead humanoid collection.
1840. Caster begins a dead dwarf collection.
1841. Target creature begins a dead dwarf collection.
1842. Caster begins a dead elf collection.
1843. Target creature begins a dead elf collection.
1844. Caster is compelled to enter the nearest forest and cut down the largest tree found.
1845. Target creature is compelled to enter the nearest forest and cut down the largest tree found.
1846. Caster tries to huff, puff, and blow down a house.
1847. Target creature tries to huff, puff, and blow down a house.
1848. Caster loses all interest in spellcasting.
1849. Caster becomes obsessed with cleaning their belly button.
1850. Target creature becomes obsessed with cleaning their belly button.
1851. Caster loses all interest to bathe for 2d20 days.
1852. Target creature loses all interest to bathe for 2d20 days.
1853. Caster loses all interest to wipe after defecation for 2d20 days.
1854. Target creature loses all interest to wipe after defecation for 2d20 days.
1855. Caster loses all interest in conversation for 2d20 days.
1856. Target creature loses all interest in converstaion for 2d20 days.
1857. Caster loses all interest in sex for 2d20 days.
1858. Target creature loses all interest in sex for 2d20 days.
1859. Caster loses all interest in alcohol for 2d20 days.
1860. Target creature loses all interest in alcohol for 2d20 days.
1861. Caster is compelled to look up into the sky at least once every (1d20) minutes.
1862. Target creature is compelled to look up into the sky at least once every (1d20) minutes.
1863. Caster mumbles “I’m on a secret mission” once every (1d20) minutes.
1864. Caster and target creature swap Physique & Dexterity ability scores permanently.
1865. Caster immediately defends the target creature with their life for 1d3 rounds.
1866. Target creature immediately defends the caster with their life for 1d3 rounds.
1867. Caster must swap Sanguine and Melancholy Temperament scores.
1868. Caster must swap Choleric and Phlegmatic Temperament scores.
1869. Target creature must swap Sanguine and Melancholy Temperament scores.
1870. Target creature must swap Choleric and Phlegmatic Temperament scores.
1871. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Aim skill.
1872. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Animal Handling skill.
1873. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Appraise skill.
1874. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Balance skill.
1875. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Blindfighting skill.
1876. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Brawling skill.
1877. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Cartography skill.
1878. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Catching skill.
1879. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Climb skill.
1880. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Dance skill.
1881. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Direction Sense skill.
1882. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Disarm skill.
1883. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Disguise skill.
1884. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Fishing skill.
1885. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Forgery skill.
1886. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Gambling skill.
1887. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Haggling skill.
1888. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Heraldry skill.
1889. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Herbalism skill.
1890. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Hide skill.
1891. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Hunting skill.
1892. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Hurl skill.
1893. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Intimidation skill.
1894. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Jump skill.
1895. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Lock-picking skill.
1896. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Persuasion skill.
1897. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Philosophy skill.
1898. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Pick Pocket skill.
1899. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Read Lips skill.
1900. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Search skill.
1901. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Seduction skill.
1902. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Sexual Adeptness skill.
1903. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Sight skill.
1904. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Silence skill.
1905. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Sound skill.
1906. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Spitting skill.
1907. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Sprint skill.
1908. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Swim skill.
1909. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Taste skill.
1910. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Touch skill.
1911. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Toxicology skill.
1912. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Tracking skill.
1913. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Trapping skill.
1914. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Trickery skill.
1915. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Tumble skill.
1916. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Urinating skill.
1917. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with a random Specific Weapon skill.
1918. Caster recieves a permanent bonus of 3d10 with the Wrestling skill.
1919. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Aim skill.
1920. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Animal Handling skill.
1921. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Appraise skill.
1922. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Balance skill.
1923. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Blindfighting skill.
1924. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Brawling skill.
1925. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Cartography skill.
1926. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Catching skill.
1927. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Climb skill.
1928. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Dance skill.
1929. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Direction Sense skill.
1930. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Disarm skill.
1931. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Disguise skill.
1932. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Fishing skill.
1933. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Forgery skill.
1934. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Gambling skill.
1935. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Haggling skill.
1936. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Heraldry skill.
1937. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Herbalism skill.
1938. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Hide skill.
1939. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Hunting skill.
1940. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Hurl skill.
1941. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Intimidation skill.
1942. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Jump skill.
1943. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Lock-picking skill.
1944. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Persuasion skill.
1945. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Philosophy skill.
1946. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Pick Pocket skill.
1947. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Read Lips skill.
1948. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Search skill.
1949. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Seduction skill.
1950. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Sexual Adeptness skill.
1951. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Sight skill.
1952. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Silence skill.
1953. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Sound skill.
1954. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Spitting skill.
1955. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Sprint skill.
1956. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Swim skill.
1957. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Taste skill.
1958. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Touch skill.
1959. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Toxicology skill.
1960. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Tracking skill.
1961. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Trapping skill.
1962. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Trickery skill.
1963. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Tumble skill.
1964. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Urinating skill.
1965. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with a random Specific Weapon skill.
1966. Caster recieves a permanent penalty of 3d10 with the Wrestling skill.
1967. Caster permanently reverses handedness.
1968. Target creature permanently reverses handedness.
1969. Caster is teleported into the middle of the nearest frontline of war.
1970. Target creature is teleported into the middle of the nearest frontline of war.
1971. Target creature feels refreshed as though born again (wounds are healed, diseases cured, etc.).
1972. Caster believes feels refreshed as though born again (wounds are healed, diseases cured, etc.).
1973. Target creature’s Life Points permanently increase by (1d100)%.
1974. Target creature’s Life Points permanently decrease by (1d100)%.
1975. Caster’s Life Points permanently increase by (1d100)%.
1976. Caster’s Life Points permanently decrease by (1d100)%.
1977. Caster believes that evil has been born all around.
1978. Caster’s Language increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1979. Caster’s Intuition increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1980. Caster’s Physical Fitness increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1981. Caster’s Strength increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1982. Caster’s Drive increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1983. Caster returns to home to find it gone.
1984. Caster permanently feels as though every move they make is being watched.
1985. Target creature permanently feels as though every move they make is being watched.
1986. Caster’s Agility increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1987. Caster’s Hand-Eye Coordination increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1988. Caster is carefree and without stress. Health increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1989. Caster’s Bodily Attractiveness increases by 1d20 sub-ability points.
1990. Caster graduates to the next highest occupational level of their current occupation.
1991. The nearest 2 nations declare war on each other.
1992. The most distant 2 nations declare war on each other.
1993. Nearest nation declares war on the most distant nation.
1994. Most distant nation declares war on the nearest nation.
1995. Caster suffers confusion for 5 years. (also an effect of reading the rules)
1996. Caster is happier than they should be. Sanguine Temperament increases by 1d20 points.
1997. Caster cares deeply for the wrong character. Roll to determine who in the vicinity.
1998. Cat appears before the caster and they adore each other. The name of the male cat is Hades.
1999. Caster is depressed. Melancholic Temperament decreases by 1d20 points.
2000. Caster is ostracized by those about whom they care.

[Psychic Robot]

prak the saints will sing praises for your sacrifice

[Prak]

Plus if Hall actually finds this he can't say "oh you're just focusing on a few things taken out of context"... this was my goal. The rebuttal is painful.

...all the more painful having now read through the damned thing myself...


Why the bugbear hair? WHY? (and why must my imagination trigger off such things as "bugbears prize their "manhoods" more than humans"?)

[jadagul]

Note that morality includes modesty and immorality basically means you are deficient or have an excess in an otherwise moral trait. So, both prudishness and lustiness could be considered immoral, while a modest mean between the two is moral. Funny, I was expecting something more christian, but it's surprisingly buddhist, at least from a layperson's standpoint. Though still doesn't fit into the game's devotion to historical medieval accuracy.

This is actually Aristotle. And through Aristotle it did become one Catholic view of how virtues work.

Take a drink.

-------------

Also, I really wanted to congratulate you on the phrase "Gygaxian vagina death trap," which completely cracked me up.

[norms29]

Then it goes on to talk about roles. In FATAL, the game runner is called the Aedile (pron. EE-dial, apparently). Yes. It's apparently the title of a roman official who oversaw games. Cute. What was that at the beginning? Oh, right, things outside of medieval Europe don't exist in FATAL. Hmm... well, whatever.

you do know that Rome IS in Europe, don't you?

there's plenty of suck go around in this game, don't waste your ammo on the few things they got right.

[fbmf]

Then it goes on to talk about roles. In FATAL, the game runner is called the Aedile (pron. EE-dial, apparently). Yes. It's apparently the title of a roman official who oversaw games. Cute. What was that at the beginning? Oh, right, things outside of medieval Europe don't exist in FATAL. Hmm... well, whatever.

you do know that Rome IS in Europe, don't you?

there's plenty of suck go around in this game, don't waste your ammo on the few things they got right.

Medieval Europe and the Roman Empire are different time periods. The latter had to go away before the former could get rockin'.

Game On,
fbmf