Warlocks, Kobolds, Dragons and the shaft.

[Crissa]

I'd just make the feat require the units to qualify for the [imp] tag in New Edition.

That way Orcs qualify when players are halfway to epic.

-Crissa

[JonSetanta]

1201871516[/unixtime]]I bet people on the boards would STILL say "Way too overpowered."

Guaranteed.
And then someone mentions katanas, Hitler, or Christianity, and the thread is shut down.
Then, miraculously, a series of half-assed nerfed versions of the same feats pop up in a splat book months later.
Oh, the kobolnity.

[Captain_Bleach]

What is up with the "katana" thing on WotC boards, not to mention Geishas, Samurai, and Ninja? Apparently it is about "historical accuracy," but history in a made-up world is accurate by means of the GM and what she wants her world to be.

[JonSetanta]

HEY MAN KATANAS R TEH UBER COOL THAY CEN CUT ANYTHING EXPRTLY FORGED AND SUPER STRONG LITE WEIGHT METEL CUTS ANY ARMOR BECUZ IT IS SUPER SHARP AND THEY ARE THE BEST WEPON EVAR

[Captain_Bleach]

So why doesn't the Japanese military and law enforcement widely use katanas, then?

[RandomCasualty]

1201926958[/unixtime]]So why doesn't the Japanese military and law enforcement widely use katanas, then?

They do.

Didn't you know that Japan is policed entirely by ninjas?

[Captain_Bleach]

From what I heard, only the Yakuza still use katanas.

[Koumei]

And geishas, too. Because they're seriously viable adventurers. Then again, I suppose if bards can be given magical powers to make them (supposedly) worth taking into a dungeon, likewise jesters, then why not?

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullsh!t that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?

This has since been played with, ranging from Claymores (Greatswords), Chainswords (Close Combat Weapons) and basically anything.

[NoDot]

I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

OK, I have about 8 WIS, and even I no that is impossible.

IIRC, the katana is well respected as a cutting sword, but it's not magical.

[SunTzuWarmaster]

No katanas, more dead kobolds.

[Koumei]

Foolish Exotic Weapon Selection
You saw a guy wield a weapon that you thought was cool, so you think you can use it effectively. Maybe you commissioned one to be made for about $20,000.
Requirement: You know the drill
Benefit: Select a single Exotic weapon you are not proficient in. You still aren't proficient, but you get one of these. As a full-round action, you can pose dynamically. All opponents must make a Will save (DC 10 + half your HD + your Charisma modifier) or drop their weapons and spend 1d4+1 rounds laughing (counting as Dazed).

"I drank oil"
You are a bane to wizards. You're so oily you look refined.
Requirement: If you don't know by now, I'm not telling you.
Benefit: If reduced below 1 HP by fire damage, you immediately explode. However, the explosion does not spread out, hurting your Fireballed allies even more, instead shooting into the sky, raining embers down on people.
Everyone within 50' of you, except for a small zone of safety - a 10' radius of you - takes 2 points of fire damage per hit die you possessed in life, and must make a DC 15 Reflex save or catch fire.
Special: You die when this happens, even if it only took you to -1. Exploding often does that to people.

The Little One's Curse
You are spooky, and make people regret killing you. Not as much as you regret it, though.
Requirement: Oh, come on.
Benefit: When killed by someone, you automatically place a curse on them. They do not get a saving throw to resist, and Spell Resistance does not apply. They are simply cursed. Their clothing seems overly tight, baggy, itchy or otherwise uncomfortable, bugs and lizards crawl into all of their equipment and they have difficulty sleeping. Anything that could possibly see them as food considers them to be the ideal choice upon seeing them, and somehow, things just seem to be in their way to be tripped over.
They take a 5' penalty to Movement Speed, need one and a half times as much sleep as normal, and take a -1 penalty on all actions. This does not stack with multiple curses. The only way to lift the curse, other than Remove Curse, Break Enchantment, Wish or Miracle is to spend an uninterrupted eight hours atoning or simply performing unpaid hard labour.
Special:
If cast by a kobold, all weasels will innately hate them and try to bite them. They can halve the hard labour time by feeding and caring for weasels and dire weasels.

[Crissa]

Katanas can cut through steel. Steel softer than they are.

But so can greatswords.

One does it through mass, the other does it through being both more rigid and more flexible. Technology, man.

Anyhow, the fact that there isn't a big difference between poor and masterwork weapons is what's cheesing these people than anything else. I dunno. Maybe a 100x, 1000x, 10000x additional for each non-magical plus to hit.

-Crissa

[Koumei]

Also, being Masterwork doesn't stack with being a +1 weapon, and a magical weapon has to start as +1 - you can't jump straight to Flaming or whatever. That annoys people just on principle, but when you get people who love katanas and find out that a +1 Katana is exactly the same as a +1 Bastard Sword, well... *shrug*

And this is why you don't masterwork a weapon, you instead have it made from a special material. Some prefer Adamantine, due to the ability to hack through most things, but it crops up rarely enough that I'd pick Baatorian Green Steel (costs 1K, but adds +1 damage that DOES stack with enhancement bonuses).

The moral? Masterworking and special materials really do get stupid.

[JonSetanta]

Saved, fuckin', etc.
"Foolish Exotic Weapon Selection" isn't quite a suck-feat, it's an advantage....
Free Hideous Laughter, yo.

[SunTzuWarmaster]

I agree that the Foolish Exotic Weapon Selection is too good.

[Koumei]

Okay, how about we change it to one round, with a "once per encounter" (ie "once in your life") limit, and once killed, the killing team gains a morale bonus to hit and damage, due to finding it funny enough to lift their spirits, but not enough to roll on the ground with laughter?

[JonSetanta]

How about nauseated for barely 1 second from laughter, then morale bonus to hit and damage against the wielder until end of encounter? (which won't last long)

[Crissa]

How about nauseated one round and his troops get a morale bonus encounter?

-Crissa

[Surgo]

I hate to bump such an old thread, but these feats were really good and really funny. Anyone mind if I upload them to the D&D wiki to improve the signal to noise ratio? I suspect that a lot of people will find them useful.

[Amra]

C-c-c-combo!

I Know Something You Don't Know

You are in possession of information absolutely vital to the success of the PC's mission.

Requirement: Gnome, Goblin or Kobold

Benefit: For some reason that may never be adequately determined, you have personally been selected as unlikely confidante to the Evil Mastermind who is responsible for whatever mess the player characters are currently trying to sort out. Being in possession of said information gives you a ridiculously over-inflated sense of your own importance and invulnerability. As a result, you continually taunt all and sundry with tantalising but useless hints as to the facts you could impart to them if only they were important enough to hear it, which they are not.

You automatically win any opposed Charisma-based check against any creature who is also allied with your Evil Mastermind. However, it is apparent to any passing adventurers, within half a second of clapping eyes on you, that they absolutely must have whatever information it is you possess if they are to succeed.

Unbreakable

You cannot under any circumstances be made to reveal information.

Requirement: I Know Something You Don't Know

Benefit: You were born with a morass of congenital defects that render you immensely and inexplicably vulnerable to being dead. A blow will kill you. Nonlethal damage will kill you. Charm Monster, Suggestion, or any other form of magic that forces a Will save will cause you to die instantly and spectacularly of a massive cerebral haemorrhage, with blood gushing from your nose and ears. Threats of torture will cause you to drop dead of a heart attack from sheer panic, as will tying you up.

Moreover, when you die you drop immediately to -10 hit points, beyond the reach of any curative magic.

Special: A character with this feat cannot be raised from the dead by any means, nor can their spirit be contacted by any form of divination or necromantic magic. You take your secrets with you not only to the grave, but beyond as well.

Incredibly Irritating

You are preternaturally annoying.

Requirement: I Know Something You Don't Know

Benefit: All non-evil living creatures who are not your allies at the time you take this feat want to kill you. People you've never met want to kill you. People who've never even heard of you want to kill you. Confirmed life-long pacifists wake up from dreams of choking the life out of you and get out of bed with smiles on their faces. When babies cry, it's because they aren't old enough to get out of their cribs and kill you. The more capable someone is of killing you, the more they want to do it.

When any non-evil creature who is not your ally has line of sight to you, they must make a Will save (DC 10 + your hit dice + their hit dice) each round to avoid doing their utmost to murder you in the most direct and violent way available to them. If they fail the Will save by 5 places or more, they are overcome with the urge to expunge the stain of your existence to the extent that they will ignore all considerations of personal safety, merely in order to bring about your bloody demise.

This effect lasts as long as they can see you, or until you are dead, and for three rounds thereafter. The only way your corpse is likely to be identified is through dental records; and if your opponent was a Wizard, probably not even then.

Special: Whoever kills you automatically wins opposed Charisma-based checks against anyone who has heard of you for the following year.

[SunTzuWarmaster]

Man, thanks for the bump. I forgot that I made those, they were hilarious to read again.

[Maxus]

Man, thanks for the bump. I forgot that I made those, they were hilarious to read again.

I'd never seen them before. I laughed so hard, I wheezed.