Desert Island No-Nos

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:58 am

You're stuck on a desert island. You can only take three books. What would the three most disturbing books be? The ones where if you accidentally washed up on an island with the guy or gal whose only books were those, you'd take your chances swimming to another island?

I'm thinking Lolita, Giger's Necronomicon, and Lord of the Flies. Those would be three desert-island no-nos.

virgil · Post by **virgil** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:27 am

Arguing with Idiots
Love You Forever
The Book of the Law

Whipstitch · Post by **Whipstitch** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:31 am

Pfft, whatever, I'm down with Nabokov. I'd be more put off by someone with a bunch of Terry Goodkind and Glenn Beck, but that's more of a bone deep annoyance thing.

MisterDee · Post by **MisterDee** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:34 am

Anything by Ayn Rand.

I mean, those are disturbing in any setting, but on a deserted island? At least the sharks won't be boring me with their bullshit justifications when they try to eat me.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 4:25 am

Yeah, and if the other person reads that, you know that at some point it's going to come down to "you or me". I'd rather take my chance with the sharks, or hope that my tendency to stay up late pays off and they go to sleep first.

If they have a religious book it's not that bad: chances are high* that they'd try to convert me, or try to be optimistic about the situation with relevant passages about how this is Blibdoolpoolp testing us and strengthening us and singing awful hymns and so on. But that's pretty manageable next to "I really should kill you so that you don't use up any of these resources. Only the strong survive here, it's just the way it works!"

Likewise there are plenty of novels that are utter shite (Twilight, 50 Shades, anything by Dan Brown), but it would merely be unfortunate to be stranded with a fan. I live in a house where my half-sister is a fan of Twilight, you can manage being on an island - at least there, they can only read it, not watch the DVD.

Even stuff like Lolita says either they're a paedophile** (not a problem in this instance: I'm an adult, and I'm pretty sure desert islands aren't within 500 yards of a school or playground) or they're a uni student who thinks they're covering gritty topics that makes it really deep and makes them intelligent - so they're a twat, but if you've been to uni, you're used to that.

*There's also the chance they're the kind of person who just sort of carries a bible around, perhaps to stop bullets, or they just stole it from their hotel room before getting stranded here.

**I don't actually know this for certain, I haven't read it. I am literally judging the book by its cover here, but that's a pretty good way of learning about books really.

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 9:29 am

How to deal with being alone
A version of the Kamasutra
Either a Handbook on Anatomy/Butchering or something dealing with Cannibalism.

Well, it would not be disturbing FOR ME . .

Post by **fbmf** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 10:34 am

The Twilight books are thick, so while you'd have to hear about how [name of wolfwere] loved Kristen Stewart more than Ed ever could, the the long term signal fire kindling potential is undeniable.

Game On,
fbmf

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 12:41 pm

The Island of Doctor Moreau

RobbyPants · Post by **RobbyPants** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:47 pm

How to Cook Humans
How to Cook Forty Humans

...and I don't know. I sort of ran out of books after two. Maybe the Bible, or something? That has cannibalism too, I suppose. Yeah, we'll go with that.

The Holy Bible

Josh_Kablack · Post by **Josh_Kablack** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 4:58 pm

The problem there is that Bible has such a mass market that even heathens like myself have three different editions (Kind James, New American, Oxford Study). I think the anti -human sentiments in the Left Behind series or the anti-education message in This Present Darkness are far better indicators of the sort of Christian who takes their beliefs to extremes I find disturbing and potentially dangerous.

But really, there is a single definitively correct answer to the question of which set of exactly 3 books mean you need to swim off the island. And not merely the books, but the edition. And not merely the edition but the printing of that particular edition:

Avoraciopoctules · Post by **Avoraciopoctules** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 5:05 pm

Okay, I can't top Josh_Kablack.

But if somebody packed LOTFP I would be pretty creeped out. Especially if they wanted to run Death Love Doom.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 5:07 pm

If I washed up on a desert island and there was a guy there with a set of dice and hardcopies of FATAL and that racist RPG whose name I forget, I would jump back in the ocean and keep swimming.

Leress · Post by **Leress** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 5:21 pm

Ancient History wrote:If I washed up on a desert island and there was a guy there with a set of dice and hardcopies of FATAL and that racist RPG whose name I forget, I would jump back in the ocean and keep swimming.

How could you forget Racial Holy War.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 5:24 pm

I probably was trying to overwrite that part of my brain with Cthulhu porn.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 5:46 pm

Ancient History wrote:I probably was trying to overwrite that part of my brain with Cthulhu porn.

I don't know, Tentacle porn is probably something that would have me a little weirded out if it was the only reading material on the island.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 6:10 pm

"Otaku on the Island, or Fuck, Marry, Kill...Barbecue - A Man and his Calamari Lover/Feast."

JigokuBosatsu · Post by **JigokuBosatsu** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 6:41 pm

I can't answer this one because there are very few books that are outright EVIL.

I mean, if ended up on a desert island with someone whose three books were Mein Kampf, Lolita, and a cannibal cookbook, I'd have to assume they were trolling HARD.

Either that or I wouldn't feel too bad about murdering them for their meat.

Chamomile · Post by **Chamomile** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 11:58 pm

I'm surprised by people's response to things like AD&D 2e or Mein Kampf. Not because I think you should be willing to share an island with someone like that, but because it's weird you think you have better odds swimming until you find another island as opposed to just overpowering them and using their own cannibalism book to make them into dinner.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 1:47 am

Putting aside all other reasons why not to, doesn't eating people cause a variety of health conditions, including some rather serious mental illnesses?

RobbyPants · Post by **RobbyPants** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 2:15 am

Koumei wrote:Putting aside all other reasons why not to, doesn't eating people cause a variety of health conditions, including some rather serious mental illnesses?

I know! The last thing I'd want to happen when I'm stranded on an island by myself is to go crazy! If someone else showed up, I might eat them!

Whipstitch · Post by **Whipstitch** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 2:44 am

Eh, with Lolita I wouldn't even suspect trolling, necessarily. The content gets a big ol' whatever and an eyeroll from me, but Nabokov still writes pretty and I get why someone might give an infamous book by a well-regarded author a whirl.

Lago PARANOIA · Post by **Lago PARANOIA** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 2:50 am

Whipstitch wrote:Eh, with Lolita I wouldn't even suspect trolling, necessarily. The content gets a big ol' whatever and an eyeroll from me, but Nabokov still writes pretty and I get why someone might give an infamous book by a well-regarded author a whirl.

Also, it gets awfully lonesome out there on those islands.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 2:50 am

Koumei wrote:Putting aside all other reasons why not to, doesn't eating people cause a variety of health conditions, including some rather serious mental illnesses?

I think you only go insane if you eat the brains. It's how Mad Cow Disease happened. If you just eat the calf or the chubby bits of the arm, then you'll be fine. It'd best to stay away from most organs, since you have no idea what's inside 'em.

And, as for no-no books, The Crystal Star, Ender's Game, and a Jehovah's Witness pamphlet about how Halloween is Satan's work (I've somehow managed to receive at least twenty-seven of them over my lifetime. Is that normal, or am I just lucky?)

virgil · Post by **virgil** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 2:59 am

I'd be worried if they had the NSA's files on me as their reading material, especially if they weren't any form of government employee

Whipstitch · Post by **Whipstitch** » Wed Oct 09, 2013 3:04 am

Actually, I think I'd be most put off by a burly dude with a copy of In Search of Lost Time, given that the rest of us are presumably unarmed.