They're actually doing something closer to the myth-accurate version. It just also happens to be the less awesome version.Emerald wrote:Why have succubi that fit with myth and previous editions when you can instead have creepy stalker Edward-from-Twilight succubi?
Angry Drunk Review - 5e Monster Manual: A Modern Relic
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angelfromanotherpin
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Myth-accurate foocubi definitely have sex with people. They're part of the important mythological category of "things to blame inconvenient pregnancies on".
DSMatticus wrote:It's not just that everything you say is stupid, but that they are Gordian knots of stupid that leave me completely bewildered as to where to even begin. After hearing you speak Alexander the Great would stab you and triumphantly declare the puzzle solved.
Specifically, myth accurate *cubi could change from male to female and back, and actually harvested semen from men as succubi to impregnate women as incubi.
It was handy to be able to explain why a new kid looked like you.
It was handy to be able to explain why a new kid looked like you.
Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.
Winnah wrote:No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.
FrankTrollman wrote:In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.
You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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angelfromanotherpin
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Yes, but they only have sex with you while you are asleep. And in some versions there is no actual physical contact, they just enter your dreams in spirit form and collect/deposit semen 'somehow.'name_here wrote:Myth-accurate foocubi definitely have sex with people. They're part of the important mythological category of "things to blame inconvenient pregnancies on".
Then came two women harlots to King Solomon. They were Lilith and Igrat. Lilith who strangles children because she cannot make of them a veil for herself to serve as a hiding place for her. And the second is Igrat. One night King David slept in the camp in the desert, and Igrat coupled with him in his dream. And he had emission, and she conceived and bore Adad [king of Edom].
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Red Archon
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I haven't invested the requisite time to really talk about this book in great detail, so you can just go ahead and ignore my notions, but what I'm seeing and reading tells something about the zeitgeist. Specifically, concerning sexuality. See, the book's illustrations have nearly zero amount of T&A and when they're forced to have some, they patch it up incredibly quickly by showing at least equally objectifying images of males. In fact, there are like three sensual and/or scantily clad women in the whole fucking book, as opposed to about 10 men, and I'm only counting creatures that are essentially "human + a hint of bad shit." The erinyes is now some sort of a warrior (and in full armor, no less) and the nymph doesn't even make an appearance. Other traditionally sexy monsters, the female cambion, dryad and marilith are now very decently dressed. They underline, in the illustrations, how pixies and sprites are children. Even the aforementioned succubi and incubi are now sexual creatures only by a vague implication, and not any more than the peeping Tom satyrs.
D&D was always super awkward about sexuality and just saying fuck it and removing it from the equation is the right move. If I didn't know better, I'd say it's almost as if they've grown up and decided to leave "mature content" to "mature players" and not, for example, produce book after book of embarassingly inane masturbatory material for 14-year-old nerds.
But I do know better. This is of course a logical publicity move designed to get the female players hooked, which is fine in itself. But what they DID manage overlook is that all the decidedly female creatures in the book are shit. So they made a big leap from presenting females as something between "sexy dominatrix Warrior Queen" and "sexy slutty barmaid," and invariably evil and/or stupid, but they did a half-assed job because they still represent females as second class combatants at best.
D&D was always super awkward about sexuality and just saying fuck it and removing it from the equation is the right move. If I didn't know better, I'd say it's almost as if they've grown up and decided to leave "mature content" to "mature players" and not, for example, produce book after book of embarassingly inane masturbatory material for 14-year-old nerds.
But I do know better. This is of course a logical publicity move designed to get the female players hooked, which is fine in itself. But what they DID manage overlook is that all the decidedly female creatures in the book are shit. So they made a big leap from presenting females as something between "sexy dominatrix Warrior Queen" and "sexy slutty barmaid," and invariably evil and/or stupid, but they did a half-assed job because they still represent females as second class combatants at best.
Last edited by Red Archon on Thu Nov 27, 2014 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
You can't, but its a DC 10 on a con save. Every character has a positive modifier because con is the "not die" stat. It determines hit points, and along with wisdom and dexterity is the most common type of saving throw. Its effects also suck way more when you fail resulting in things like "Turned to stone" instead of "20 damage".Orca wrote:Can you take 10 on saves in 5e? I noticed a reference above to a DC 10 Con save being something you should make automatically.
So everyone has a positive con mod, 3/12 classes get a proficiency bonus, and most people probably took a random thing that gives a bonus to it. Or you are a dwarf (any), Stout halfling, human, rock gnome, half elf, or half orc race and get a bonus to it.
Con is basically everyone's second highest stat, if it isn't their first.
If the save were DC 10 Charisma or strength or something I'd say occasionally some people might fail, but being con means no one is failing this reliably enough to attempt it as a monster.
Tarrasque
The Tarrasque is a legendary monster within the DND realm. Ask any player about it and they probably have some stories about battling it. Thats weird because its never been particulalrly hard to kill and generally anyone with wings and rocks can usually kill it. In 5e you need winds and a magical bow, but thats about it. According to 5e, its 50ft tall and 70ft long, but I can show you that tent again if you'd like. That tent is gargantuan. The 5e tarrasque doesn't really have fluff, its just got 3 paragraphs. The first two masturbate about how big and terrible it is and how everyone fears it. The third is that some people base religions on it, which is kind of cool. Mechanic wise its CR 30, and probably has the highest AC and HP of anything in the book. 25 AC and 676 HP, which for 5e is a lot. That said, if you've got a horse and a bow you can outrun it. You don't even need wings. Its move speed is 40ft. It is arbitrarily immune to all non magic weapons, which seems to be a theme for this edition. To make stuff hard, its immune to everything but magic. This is a pretty big fuck you to fighters though, because as DMG guidelines (which were released yesterday) even a high level high magic character only has like 5 magic items. Hope one is a sword. Anyway, its got an arbitrary power that saves it vs magic missiles so don't try to cantrip it to death, almost as though they knew it would be done. Whenever you blast with a magic missile spell, a line spell, or spell requiring a ranged attack roll, you roll a d6. On a 1-5 it ignores you. On a 6 it bounces it back at you. So basically only use fireball or save or dies. Although it can auto pass 3 saves a day, and has advantage on the rest. If you try to melee it, you probably won't win. It gets 5 attacks a round for ~30 damage each many of which auto grapple. It can swallow whole, and anything within 120ft makes saves vs fear for 1 min. DC 17 wis is respectable, but you get a save every round with disadvantage, so it won't take you out of a fight. It also has legendary actions, but they are just more attacks or the ability to move half its speed. The pic is a full pager on that looks pretty much exactly like it always has.
Thri-kreen
These are neat both on a Thri-Kreen are neat way, but also in a "They came from an obscure campaign setting that was skipped on 3.X and half assed in 4e so its shocking people even give a shit" sort of way. Apparently now they wander the deserts and savannas of the world in general. I'm not correcting savannas as thats how they spelt it. Fluff wise they are emotionless jerks who wander the world and eat sentient beings, specifically elves. I feel like thats not the first time someone particularly enjoys eating elves, and am starting to think I'm missing something. As a super popular PC race in the past, the Thri-Kreen has no "As a PC stats". Instead its a CR 1 foe who basically sucks except for his ability to jump super high or far. Its specifically 30ft long and 15ft high. It feels like something that should be better represented with a giant bonus to jump checks, but its 5e so flat specific powers are the way to go. Overall its a melee dude in combat. It has a variant as big as the actual stat bar, which gives it weapons and/or psionics. Neither increases the CR, but giving it Gythkas and Chatkcha's increase its damage, and gives it a ranged attack. You'd think that would make it harder, but it doesn't. You can also give them some psionics. At will mage hand, 2/day blur and magic weapon, and 1/day invis self only. This also does not up the challenge but could really make it a lot harder. Go 5e. Art wise this one looks to have a lot more carapace than they did in prior editions, but otherwise its pretty cool.
Treant
They are just ents for LoTR lets not pretend otherwise. Fun fact though, the fluff says it can call animals to its aide. The stats don't actually have that power. Ents are CR 9, and basically just giants. They have slam attacks and rock throwing. Their only unique parts are their "Fuck You Hide" power to look like trees, and their ability to animate trees. 1/day it can animate 1 or 2 trees within 60ft. Those trees have the same stats as an ent but cant speak or animate more. IT lasts for a day or until the ent moves 120ft away. So if your DM reads that ability during combat because he flipped the book open and grabbed a nature monster or rolled it on a table you fight 1, and maybe it makes more in combat as its action. If so the fight is relatively easy. If your DM planned for you to fight ents you fight 3 ents for every ent the DM wanted you to fight, and you get fucked. Or just fireball it. The art gives him 4 arms, but he doesn't seem to have any 4 arm powers.
Troglodyte
These guys got a badass makeover visually. Now they are bulky, sleek, armored and look pretty brutal. I can't find pics though. Anyway, lets talk about them. They are yet another race of savage jerks who live in the underdark and will kill you on site. Done. Their uniquie thing is that they venerate Laogzed, a giant toad lizard that lives in the abyss. He doesn't do anything for them and they just think he's really cool. Its kind of an interesting diety but you really can't do anything with it. The diety has no motivations, and his clerics motivations are literally "become as fat, well-fed, and wearily content". Stat wise they are CR 1/4 and kind of suck. They have chameleon skin so they can hide, but they smell terrible so you know they are around. Their stench power is cool, only because it takes no action to use.
Troll
Trolls are the original puzzle monster and since a week into 1e, everyone has known the solution. To the point that its a meme. I'm always disappointed when a new edition doesn't put a fun twist on the classic. Instead its more of the "Beat them with sticks and then pour gasoline". In 5e they are also still closet trolls, in that as a CR 5 monster they have 3 attacks for decent damage. It probably won't kill anyone but it will ruin someone's day. Fluff wise they are also giants who don't participate in Giant Club, but instead are mercenaries who just don't give a fuck. I could see that attitude making sense if you needed something hard to find to actually kill them, but fire is kind of everywhere and its basically common knowledge at this point. THe fluff talks about how they disobey orders they don't feel like following, but I can't see that end in anything but being lit on fire. Its got a bit of fluff on "Troll Freaks" who are basically trolls whose regeneration has gone crazy and given them 2 heads, or arms or shit. Their other example is a troll who ate a few creature gaining one or more of its traits. None of the troll freaks have stats. It has a variant that actually seems kind of fun, but it makes trolls weaker so I doubt your DM will use it. Its basically a super rough crit fumble table. IF it takes 15 slashing damage in the same blow roll a d20. 1-10 nothing happens. 11-14 a leg is severed. 15-18 severs an arm, and 19-20 severs the head. What those actually mean is so poorly laid out I've had to read them 3 times now, and written out disections of the mechanics each time. The severed limb falls next to it, and then acts on its own moving and attacking the PCs. A leg has a speed of 5ft and can't attack. An arm has a speed of 5ft and can claw with disadvantage. If the troll loses an arm it loses a claw attack. The head means the troll is blind and can't bite but the head has a speed of 0ft and can bite. If a troll is missing a leg its speed is halfed, and both legs mean its prone. It can crawl if its got 1 arm with half speed. Like I said, it seems kind of fun to use, but the way its worded makes it really hard to follow. Also of note, we are back to a single type of troll.
Umber Hulk
This is a DND classic thats always a fun foe. It doesn't mention anything of a society or relationships with other races which is a little disappointing, considering it had them in the past and has Int 9, wis 10, cha 10. Thats more of a sentient being than your fighter. It's even got a language (Umber Hulk) that I guess it speaks to no one? Their fluff makes them seem more like bullettes than a race of burrowing monsters. Anyway, its still a melee brute but its new confusing gaze power is just a standard thing. If you start your turn within 30ft of it and can see its eyes (fight with your DM here), it can force you to make a DC 15 Charisma (You will fail) save. If you fail you can't take reactions and roll a d8 to determine what you do. 1-4 is nothing. 5-6 use all movement in random direction and take no action. 7-8 melee attack against random creature. There appears to be no duration to this ability so once you are hit perma-insane? Or maybe it ends when it dies? who knows. Fucking 5e. At the end of this sweet power you get a bit about how unless you are suprised you can avert your eyes and be immune. There doesn't appear to be a penalty to averting your eyes, but maybe its some sort of blindness? Not the condition mind you, just some sort of DM fuckery. Maybe it interacts with the stealth rules? Who knows. Fuck you 5e for fucking a classic fun, uniquely DND monster.
Unicorn
The unicorn is a classic fantasy staple, so it gets a full two page writeup with a lair and everything. Apparently they live in enchanted forests and dwell in the sylvan realms. This is from the opening paragraph, and I'm already confused on where these live. They are servents of good, and good dieties might place them on the material plane to ward away evil. It later says that "the gods sometimes send them to guard stuff or people" my assumption is that they mean the same good dieties that place them, but I think this is a "The gods" = "The good gods" misuse that DND makes a lot. Lloth can totally send unicorns to protect hot goth chicks according to this thing. Anyway the whole fluff drifts back and forth on where unicorns live. Material plane in forests they make special, or in special forests on the celestial planes. Its unclear, and thats kind of important to know. Lastly it hits my two big pet peeves for this book. Its horn is apparently awesome for wands or spell components but no indication how, or what its worth to someone. It does throw in a "If you kill one rocks fall and you die" warning though. "any creature that takes a role, no matter how small, in slaying a unicorn is likely to become the target of divine retribution." It also says they are awesome mounts, Nothing about how to get them other than sometimes your DM might give one to a paladin if he feels like it. Their lair has regional effects which I enjoy in general. It prevents camp fires from lighting, which seems kind of annoying. It gives everything native to its domain (WTF is that?) advantage on hide checks. Good aligned creatures casting healing all heal maximum and all curses against good creatures are suppressed. The art for the unicorn is pretty badass. Instead of the traditional white horse with a horn, its a white horse with a golden horn and golden hair. Gold mane, gold tail, gold hoof hair, and sweet golden goatee. Stat wise, its CR 5 and pretty beastly. Its LG so I wonder what CG dieties are doing with them, but I think it was really "All Gods" = "All LG Gods". Its got some spells, but they all suck aside from entangle. Its got magic resistance and a special charge power requiring a str save DC 15 or knocked prone. It can also teleport and heal. Lastly its got legendary actions that suck, except for its shimmering shield which gives something a random +2 AC. Which really just still sucks but you might use it.
Vampires
Vampires get 4 pages which seems right. There is a lot of fluff you've got to iron out. Ours don't sparkle, they die, they can't eat garlic, they don't turn to wolves, etc. 5e doesn't do any of that, so I'm not clear why they needed 4 pages until you read it. Then you realize its just 4 pages spent writing anne rice fanfic. Which while always appropriate for any RPG involving vampires, isn't so much for a monster manual. I need to know how to kill them, where they live, and how they fight. The irony being that all of that stuff is actually in the stat block, unlike the rest of 5e. At least 5e remembered that PCs like to be vampires, and included a method to be a vampire. Its pretty easy and everyone should do it. STR/Dex/Con become 18 if they aren't higher. You get Damage resistance, darkvision, traits and actions. Your charm DC is 8 + Proficiency bonus + Cha mod. Your alignment might be LE and your DM might make you an NPC, but maybe not. How good are you in the sack? The main page has a bit of fluff about Strahd and I assume that pic is him. Its kind of not awesome art, but the look seems appropriate. Next up is a sweet castle with some bats flying around. It sets the mood pretty well for vampires. This same page is also about their lair, so it makes sense. Unfortunatly they spend as much time describing Strahd on this page (for the second time) as they do on the lair. Lair traits - "noticeable" increase in bats, rats and wolves, Plants within 500ft wither and become thorny (should probably have mechanics but doesn't). Shadows seem gaunt and sometimes move. Fog clings to the ground and sometimes takes the form of grasping claws and serpents. All solid. The standard vampire is presented as CR 13, but again, there is only 1 type. So your giant who was bit, or your lizardfolk who was bit? Same stats, unless its a PC. They have a boatload of stats and it takes up an entire page. Its super complicated, but hopefully your DM didn't roll randomly for them. In 5e they are clearly supposed to be boss monsters not mooks, which is a little different than tradition. Stat wise it has 18 str, dex, con, charisma. Its int is "only" 17 and its wisdom is a "terrible" 15. This really comes off as super Mary Sue by the authors and will probably echo down to your players. Complicated stats. It can turn into a bat or cloud of mist, both of which have their own stats. It can auto pass 3 saves a day. When at 0 HP it turns to a mist and flies away. If it makes it back in 2 hours, it doesn't die. Within 1 hour it regains 1 HP and turns back to a vampire and begins to heal normally. However that is for undead in 5e. It also has regeneration which I assume kicks in for the previous power. It regains 20HP a round so long as it isn't in the sun or running water. It also has spider climb. Its last trait is a list of weaknesses that vampires have that 5e said were in. Forbiddance. Can't come into your house without permission. Harmed by running water. Takes 20 acid damage if it ends its turn in running water. Stake to the heart. If piercing wood is driven into its heart while incapacitated in its resting place, it is paralyzed until it is removed. Sunlight Hypersensitivity. takes 20 radiant damage if it starts its turn in sunlight. While in sunlight it has disadvantage on attacks and ability checks. Now its got actions. It makes two attacks, only one of which can be a bite. It can make an unarmed strike and instead of damage can choose to grapple. It can bite which drains damage, heals the vampire, and reduces your max HP. It can charm someone forcing a DC 17 wisdom save, but it gets new saves whenever you have it do anything helpful. So you can charm and tell it to go sit in the corner. It can also 1/day call 2d4 swarms of bats or rats, and if outdoors call 3d6 wolves. They remain for 1 hour and do what he says. Lastly its got legendary actions, but luckily they all suck. They are just extra uses of Move without AoO, Unarmed Strike, and Bite. Vampire spawn also get stats and this chick actually looks kind of badass. She is CR 5, and has most of the powers and weaknesses, but none of the complicated ones. Her page also has variants for Vampire warriors and Vampire spellcasters. Those variants apply to the vampire on the previous page, not this one. A Warrior wears plate and has an AC of 18 and a greatsword for better damage. Its CR is 15 which seems to overestimate the use of a greatsword and armor. Especially considering for every other monster it says the DM can just do that without CR changes. Sometimes vampires are spellcasters. Those are also CR 15 and have the following spells. Dominate person, greater invis, animate dead, bestow curse, mirror image, fog cloud, sleep, and a bunch that suck. This one is even more complicated but probably going to kill a PC or two. Espcially if he refuses to actually fight fair. Which I'd hope he does.
Water Weird
This is another water elemental. Its Neutral instead of unaligned because I honetly think Mearls wrote that and stuck it at the beginning after telling the stat guys "you know how alignment works. Just pick the ones that make sense". Fluff wise this is just a bound water elemental, and it doesn't really make sense. Because in the elemental chapter it says people bind normal elementals. So its literally the exact same monster. And the Water elemental is CR 5, while this is CR 3. So its not all that different at all. Its got a fuck you hide power, but it doesn't have to hold still provided its in water. Downside, if it leaves its pool or water, or your evaporate its pool, it just dies straight up. Its attack is a constrict power, but really the solutio is to just pepper it with arrows. Its not immune to them and it can't leave a pool or fountain it was bound to. Art wise its pretty cool. Its a t1000 water monster shifting into a dragon.
Wight
This is another zombie/ghoul/revanent. Its basically the exact fluff of the revanent and a similar CR, so I'm not really sure why it made the cut. There really isn't even anything to talk about. I can mention that the art is poorly drawn and doesn't even havea good concept. Its a zombie in weird full plate with skulls on it. Like something on the back of a goth kids notebook.
Will-o'-Wisp
This is a classic fuck you monster that only makes sense to keep around for 5e. Its a ball of light that is CE and drifts around tasering people. Its basically strictly around to prevent PCs from resting. Fluff wise the book gives you exactly what I just said, except that somehow they are also undead. They are CR 2 but have 19 AC and a fly speed of 50ft. So they can probably kill most people. Or would if their reach wasn't 5ft. As a bonus action they throw out a save of die effect at anything within 5 ft of them. Con save DC 10 or die. If it dies the wisp heals. It can also spend its actions to taser people or go invisible. The art is pretty cool with glowing orbs in a creepy forest.
Wraith
In case you thought we forgot to include ghosts in this monster manual, we also have wraiths. This isn't an undead made from dead people, its an undead made from dead people who made a pact with the lower planes. Other than that its a ghost. Art wise it looks like its supposed to be a ringwraith and I assume thats on purpose. It can also make undead servants from anyone it kills, spawning spectres under its control. It can have no more than 7 under its control, but doesn't indicate what happens when you try to make your 8th. This dude is Cr 5, but I assume if he has his spectres you should up that? It doesn't mention so maybe not. Maybe you only up it if he had them pre-fight, but not if he animated them mid-fight?
wyvern
Wyvern are basically small dragons. Fluff wise it spends 5-6 paragraphs telling us that they are small dragons and then has one drop off about how maybe you can tame them. Who knows how, but you could I guess. ITs CR 6 and has multiattack for serious damage. So it flies at you, maybe kills someone, and then is beaten to death. Its got a poisonous stinger that kind of sucks, but it could poison I guess. It really comes off as filler monster in this book, even though its a classic in every edition. I'd have taken the opportunity to write them out though.
None of the official art archives are up at WoTC yet, but here is one of the artists websites with a section for 5e if you want to look at some.
http://www.brynnart.com/dungeons-dragons/
The Tarrasque is a legendary monster within the DND realm. Ask any player about it and they probably have some stories about battling it. Thats weird because its never been particulalrly hard to kill and generally anyone with wings and rocks can usually kill it. In 5e you need winds and a magical bow, but thats about it. According to 5e, its 50ft tall and 70ft long, but I can show you that tent again if you'd like. That tent is gargantuan. The 5e tarrasque doesn't really have fluff, its just got 3 paragraphs. The first two masturbate about how big and terrible it is and how everyone fears it. The third is that some people base religions on it, which is kind of cool. Mechanic wise its CR 30, and probably has the highest AC and HP of anything in the book. 25 AC and 676 HP, which for 5e is a lot. That said, if you've got a horse and a bow you can outrun it. You don't even need wings. Its move speed is 40ft. It is arbitrarily immune to all non magic weapons, which seems to be a theme for this edition. To make stuff hard, its immune to everything but magic. This is a pretty big fuck you to fighters though, because as DMG guidelines (which were released yesterday) even a high level high magic character only has like 5 magic items. Hope one is a sword. Anyway, its got an arbitrary power that saves it vs magic missiles so don't try to cantrip it to death, almost as though they knew it would be done. Whenever you blast with a magic missile spell, a line spell, or spell requiring a ranged attack roll, you roll a d6. On a 1-5 it ignores you. On a 6 it bounces it back at you. So basically only use fireball or save or dies. Although it can auto pass 3 saves a day, and has advantage on the rest. If you try to melee it, you probably won't win. It gets 5 attacks a round for ~30 damage each many of which auto grapple. It can swallow whole, and anything within 120ft makes saves vs fear for 1 min. DC 17 wis is respectable, but you get a save every round with disadvantage, so it won't take you out of a fight. It also has legendary actions, but they are just more attacks or the ability to move half its speed. The pic is a full pager on that looks pretty much exactly like it always has.
Thri-kreen
These are neat both on a Thri-Kreen are neat way, but also in a "They came from an obscure campaign setting that was skipped on 3.X and half assed in 4e so its shocking people even give a shit" sort of way. Apparently now they wander the deserts and savannas of the world in general. I'm not correcting savannas as thats how they spelt it. Fluff wise they are emotionless jerks who wander the world and eat sentient beings, specifically elves. I feel like thats not the first time someone particularly enjoys eating elves, and am starting to think I'm missing something. As a super popular PC race in the past, the Thri-Kreen has no "As a PC stats". Instead its a CR 1 foe who basically sucks except for his ability to jump super high or far. Its specifically 30ft long and 15ft high. It feels like something that should be better represented with a giant bonus to jump checks, but its 5e so flat specific powers are the way to go. Overall its a melee dude in combat. It has a variant as big as the actual stat bar, which gives it weapons and/or psionics. Neither increases the CR, but giving it Gythkas and Chatkcha's increase its damage, and gives it a ranged attack. You'd think that would make it harder, but it doesn't. You can also give them some psionics. At will mage hand, 2/day blur and magic weapon, and 1/day invis self only. This also does not up the challenge but could really make it a lot harder. Go 5e. Art wise this one looks to have a lot more carapace than they did in prior editions, but otherwise its pretty cool.
Treant
They are just ents for LoTR lets not pretend otherwise. Fun fact though, the fluff says it can call animals to its aide. The stats don't actually have that power. Ents are CR 9, and basically just giants. They have slam attacks and rock throwing. Their only unique parts are their "Fuck You Hide" power to look like trees, and their ability to animate trees. 1/day it can animate 1 or 2 trees within 60ft. Those trees have the same stats as an ent but cant speak or animate more. IT lasts for a day or until the ent moves 120ft away. So if your DM reads that ability during combat because he flipped the book open and grabbed a nature monster or rolled it on a table you fight 1, and maybe it makes more in combat as its action. If so the fight is relatively easy. If your DM planned for you to fight ents you fight 3 ents for every ent the DM wanted you to fight, and you get fucked. Or just fireball it. The art gives him 4 arms, but he doesn't seem to have any 4 arm powers.
Troglodyte
These guys got a badass makeover visually. Now they are bulky, sleek, armored and look pretty brutal. I can't find pics though. Anyway, lets talk about them. They are yet another race of savage jerks who live in the underdark and will kill you on site. Done. Their uniquie thing is that they venerate Laogzed, a giant toad lizard that lives in the abyss. He doesn't do anything for them and they just think he's really cool. Its kind of an interesting diety but you really can't do anything with it. The diety has no motivations, and his clerics motivations are literally "become as fat, well-fed, and wearily content". Stat wise they are CR 1/4 and kind of suck. They have chameleon skin so they can hide, but they smell terrible so you know they are around. Their stench power is cool, only because it takes no action to use.
Troll
Trolls are the original puzzle monster and since a week into 1e, everyone has known the solution. To the point that its a meme. I'm always disappointed when a new edition doesn't put a fun twist on the classic. Instead its more of the "Beat them with sticks and then pour gasoline". In 5e they are also still closet trolls, in that as a CR 5 monster they have 3 attacks for decent damage. It probably won't kill anyone but it will ruin someone's day. Fluff wise they are also giants who don't participate in Giant Club, but instead are mercenaries who just don't give a fuck. I could see that attitude making sense if you needed something hard to find to actually kill them, but fire is kind of everywhere and its basically common knowledge at this point. THe fluff talks about how they disobey orders they don't feel like following, but I can't see that end in anything but being lit on fire. Its got a bit of fluff on "Troll Freaks" who are basically trolls whose regeneration has gone crazy and given them 2 heads, or arms or shit. Their other example is a troll who ate a few creature gaining one or more of its traits. None of the troll freaks have stats. It has a variant that actually seems kind of fun, but it makes trolls weaker so I doubt your DM will use it. Its basically a super rough crit fumble table. IF it takes 15 slashing damage in the same blow roll a d20. 1-10 nothing happens. 11-14 a leg is severed. 15-18 severs an arm, and 19-20 severs the head. What those actually mean is so poorly laid out I've had to read them 3 times now, and written out disections of the mechanics each time. The severed limb falls next to it, and then acts on its own moving and attacking the PCs. A leg has a speed of 5ft and can't attack. An arm has a speed of 5ft and can claw with disadvantage. If the troll loses an arm it loses a claw attack. The head means the troll is blind and can't bite but the head has a speed of 0ft and can bite. If a troll is missing a leg its speed is halfed, and both legs mean its prone. It can crawl if its got 1 arm with half speed. Like I said, it seems kind of fun to use, but the way its worded makes it really hard to follow. Also of note, we are back to a single type of troll.
Umber Hulk
This is a DND classic thats always a fun foe. It doesn't mention anything of a society or relationships with other races which is a little disappointing, considering it had them in the past and has Int 9, wis 10, cha 10. Thats more of a sentient being than your fighter. It's even got a language (Umber Hulk) that I guess it speaks to no one? Their fluff makes them seem more like bullettes than a race of burrowing monsters. Anyway, its still a melee brute but its new confusing gaze power is just a standard thing. If you start your turn within 30ft of it and can see its eyes (fight with your DM here), it can force you to make a DC 15 Charisma (You will fail) save. If you fail you can't take reactions and roll a d8 to determine what you do. 1-4 is nothing. 5-6 use all movement in random direction and take no action. 7-8 melee attack against random creature. There appears to be no duration to this ability so once you are hit perma-insane? Or maybe it ends when it dies? who knows. Fucking 5e. At the end of this sweet power you get a bit about how unless you are suprised you can avert your eyes and be immune. There doesn't appear to be a penalty to averting your eyes, but maybe its some sort of blindness? Not the condition mind you, just some sort of DM fuckery. Maybe it interacts with the stealth rules? Who knows. Fuck you 5e for fucking a classic fun, uniquely DND monster.
Unicorn
The unicorn is a classic fantasy staple, so it gets a full two page writeup with a lair and everything. Apparently they live in enchanted forests and dwell in the sylvan realms. This is from the opening paragraph, and I'm already confused on where these live. They are servents of good, and good dieties might place them on the material plane to ward away evil. It later says that "the gods sometimes send them to guard stuff or people" my assumption is that they mean the same good dieties that place them, but I think this is a "The gods" = "The good gods" misuse that DND makes a lot. Lloth can totally send unicorns to protect hot goth chicks according to this thing. Anyway the whole fluff drifts back and forth on where unicorns live. Material plane in forests they make special, or in special forests on the celestial planes. Its unclear, and thats kind of important to know. Lastly it hits my two big pet peeves for this book. Its horn is apparently awesome for wands or spell components but no indication how, or what its worth to someone. It does throw in a "If you kill one rocks fall and you die" warning though. "any creature that takes a role, no matter how small, in slaying a unicorn is likely to become the target of divine retribution." It also says they are awesome mounts, Nothing about how to get them other than sometimes your DM might give one to a paladin if he feels like it. Their lair has regional effects which I enjoy in general. It prevents camp fires from lighting, which seems kind of annoying. It gives everything native to its domain (WTF is that?) advantage on hide checks. Good aligned creatures casting healing all heal maximum and all curses against good creatures are suppressed. The art for the unicorn is pretty badass. Instead of the traditional white horse with a horn, its a white horse with a golden horn and golden hair. Gold mane, gold tail, gold hoof hair, and sweet golden goatee. Stat wise, its CR 5 and pretty beastly. Its LG so I wonder what CG dieties are doing with them, but I think it was really "All Gods" = "All LG Gods". Its got some spells, but they all suck aside from entangle. Its got magic resistance and a special charge power requiring a str save DC 15 or knocked prone. It can also teleport and heal. Lastly its got legendary actions that suck, except for its shimmering shield which gives something a random +2 AC. Which really just still sucks but you might use it.
Vampires
Vampires get 4 pages which seems right. There is a lot of fluff you've got to iron out. Ours don't sparkle, they die, they can't eat garlic, they don't turn to wolves, etc. 5e doesn't do any of that, so I'm not clear why they needed 4 pages until you read it. Then you realize its just 4 pages spent writing anne rice fanfic. Which while always appropriate for any RPG involving vampires, isn't so much for a monster manual. I need to know how to kill them, where they live, and how they fight. The irony being that all of that stuff is actually in the stat block, unlike the rest of 5e. At least 5e remembered that PCs like to be vampires, and included a method to be a vampire. Its pretty easy and everyone should do it. STR/Dex/Con become 18 if they aren't higher. You get Damage resistance, darkvision, traits and actions. Your charm DC is 8 + Proficiency bonus + Cha mod. Your alignment might be LE and your DM might make you an NPC, but maybe not. How good are you in the sack? The main page has a bit of fluff about Strahd and I assume that pic is him. Its kind of not awesome art, but the look seems appropriate. Next up is a sweet castle with some bats flying around. It sets the mood pretty well for vampires. This same page is also about their lair, so it makes sense. Unfortunatly they spend as much time describing Strahd on this page (for the second time) as they do on the lair. Lair traits - "noticeable" increase in bats, rats and wolves, Plants within 500ft wither and become thorny (should probably have mechanics but doesn't). Shadows seem gaunt and sometimes move. Fog clings to the ground and sometimes takes the form of grasping claws and serpents. All solid. The standard vampire is presented as CR 13, but again, there is only 1 type. So your giant who was bit, or your lizardfolk who was bit? Same stats, unless its a PC. They have a boatload of stats and it takes up an entire page. Its super complicated, but hopefully your DM didn't roll randomly for them. In 5e they are clearly supposed to be boss monsters not mooks, which is a little different than tradition. Stat wise it has 18 str, dex, con, charisma. Its int is "only" 17 and its wisdom is a "terrible" 15. This really comes off as super Mary Sue by the authors and will probably echo down to your players. Complicated stats. It can turn into a bat or cloud of mist, both of which have their own stats. It can auto pass 3 saves a day. When at 0 HP it turns to a mist and flies away. If it makes it back in 2 hours, it doesn't die. Within 1 hour it regains 1 HP and turns back to a vampire and begins to heal normally. However that is for undead in 5e. It also has regeneration which I assume kicks in for the previous power. It regains 20HP a round so long as it isn't in the sun or running water. It also has spider climb. Its last trait is a list of weaknesses that vampires have that 5e said were in. Forbiddance. Can't come into your house without permission. Harmed by running water. Takes 20 acid damage if it ends its turn in running water. Stake to the heart. If piercing wood is driven into its heart while incapacitated in its resting place, it is paralyzed until it is removed. Sunlight Hypersensitivity. takes 20 radiant damage if it starts its turn in sunlight. While in sunlight it has disadvantage on attacks and ability checks. Now its got actions. It makes two attacks, only one of which can be a bite. It can make an unarmed strike and instead of damage can choose to grapple. It can bite which drains damage, heals the vampire, and reduces your max HP. It can charm someone forcing a DC 17 wisdom save, but it gets new saves whenever you have it do anything helpful. So you can charm and tell it to go sit in the corner. It can also 1/day call 2d4 swarms of bats or rats, and if outdoors call 3d6 wolves. They remain for 1 hour and do what he says. Lastly its got legendary actions, but luckily they all suck. They are just extra uses of Move without AoO, Unarmed Strike, and Bite. Vampire spawn also get stats and this chick actually looks kind of badass. She is CR 5, and has most of the powers and weaknesses, but none of the complicated ones. Her page also has variants for Vampire warriors and Vampire spellcasters. Those variants apply to the vampire on the previous page, not this one. A Warrior wears plate and has an AC of 18 and a greatsword for better damage. Its CR is 15 which seems to overestimate the use of a greatsword and armor. Especially considering for every other monster it says the DM can just do that without CR changes. Sometimes vampires are spellcasters. Those are also CR 15 and have the following spells. Dominate person, greater invis, animate dead, bestow curse, mirror image, fog cloud, sleep, and a bunch that suck. This one is even more complicated but probably going to kill a PC or two. Espcially if he refuses to actually fight fair. Which I'd hope he does.
Water Weird
This is another water elemental. Its Neutral instead of unaligned because I honetly think Mearls wrote that and stuck it at the beginning after telling the stat guys "you know how alignment works. Just pick the ones that make sense". Fluff wise this is just a bound water elemental, and it doesn't really make sense. Because in the elemental chapter it says people bind normal elementals. So its literally the exact same monster. And the Water elemental is CR 5, while this is CR 3. So its not all that different at all. Its got a fuck you hide power, but it doesn't have to hold still provided its in water. Downside, if it leaves its pool or water, or your evaporate its pool, it just dies straight up. Its attack is a constrict power, but really the solutio is to just pepper it with arrows. Its not immune to them and it can't leave a pool or fountain it was bound to. Art wise its pretty cool. Its a t1000 water monster shifting into a dragon.
Wight
This is another zombie/ghoul/revanent. Its basically the exact fluff of the revanent and a similar CR, so I'm not really sure why it made the cut. There really isn't even anything to talk about. I can mention that the art is poorly drawn and doesn't even havea good concept. Its a zombie in weird full plate with skulls on it. Like something on the back of a goth kids notebook.
Will-o'-Wisp
This is a classic fuck you monster that only makes sense to keep around for 5e. Its a ball of light that is CE and drifts around tasering people. Its basically strictly around to prevent PCs from resting. Fluff wise the book gives you exactly what I just said, except that somehow they are also undead. They are CR 2 but have 19 AC and a fly speed of 50ft. So they can probably kill most people. Or would if their reach wasn't 5ft. As a bonus action they throw out a save of die effect at anything within 5 ft of them. Con save DC 10 or die. If it dies the wisp heals. It can also spend its actions to taser people or go invisible. The art is pretty cool with glowing orbs in a creepy forest.
Wraith
In case you thought we forgot to include ghosts in this monster manual, we also have wraiths. This isn't an undead made from dead people, its an undead made from dead people who made a pact with the lower planes. Other than that its a ghost. Art wise it looks like its supposed to be a ringwraith and I assume thats on purpose. It can also make undead servants from anyone it kills, spawning spectres under its control. It can have no more than 7 under its control, but doesn't indicate what happens when you try to make your 8th. This dude is Cr 5, but I assume if he has his spectres you should up that? It doesn't mention so maybe not. Maybe you only up it if he had them pre-fight, but not if he animated them mid-fight?
wyvern
Wyvern are basically small dragons. Fluff wise it spends 5-6 paragraphs telling us that they are small dragons and then has one drop off about how maybe you can tame them. Who knows how, but you could I guess. ITs CR 6 and has multiattack for serious damage. So it flies at you, maybe kills someone, and then is beaten to death. Its got a poisonous stinger that kind of sucks, but it could poison I guess. It really comes off as filler monster in this book, even though its a classic in every edition. I'd have taken the opportunity to write them out though.
None of the official art archives are up at WoTC yet, but here is one of the artists websites with a section for 5e if you want to look at some.
http://www.brynnart.com/dungeons-dragons/
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Lago PARANOIA
- Invincible Overlord
- Posts: 10555
- Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 3:00 am
The Thri-Kreen thing sounds dog's testicle lickingly stupid. The only reason why people care about the race at all is because they're an option for a PC race. If you make them unsympathetic, non-playable animal monsters then no one gives a fuck because there are a ton of other monsters that already fill that role.
Josh Kablack wrote:Your freedom to make rulings up on the fly is in direct conflict with my freedom to interact with an internally consistent narrative. Your freedom to run/play a game without needing to understand a complex rule system is in direct conflict with my freedom to play a character whose abilities and flaws function as I intended within that ruleset. Your freedom to add and change rules in the middle of the game is in direct conflict with my ability to understand that rules system before I decided whether or not to join your game.
In short, your entire post is dismissive of not merely my intelligence, but my agency. And I don't mean agency as a player within one of your games, I mean my agency as a person. You do not want me to be informed when I make the fundamental decisions of deciding whether to join your game or buying your rules system.
For a good while that's basically what they were. I don't know when the changed happened, but at least in 3.5, they were pretty emotionless, and even in 2e they were hunters who didn't care if the meat could think, and liked elf-flesh.
Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.
Winnah wrote:No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.
FrankTrollman wrote:In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.
You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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hamstertamer
- Apprentice
- Posts: 63
- Joined: Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:25 am
Nah, if they wanted to get females (I assume you meant human females) hooked then the D&D manuals would focus on sex and relationships. And there would be various lurid descriptions of sexual acts through out. Basically they need to make the game about hooking up with vampires and other supernatural beings.Red Archon wrote:I haven't invested the requisite time to really talk about this book in great detail, so you can just go ahead and ignore my notions, but what I'm seeing and reading tells something about the zeitgeist. Specifically, concerning sexuality. See, the book's illustrations have nearly zero amount of T&A and when they're forced to have some, they patch it up incredibly quickly by showing at least equally objectifying images of males. In fact, there are like three sensual and/or scantily clad women in the whole fucking book, as opposed to about 10 men, and I'm only counting creatures that are essentially "human + a hint of bad shit." The erinyes is now some sort of a warrior (and in full armor, no less) and the nymph doesn't even make an appearance. Other traditionally sexy monsters, the female cambion, dryad and marilith are now very decently dressed. They underline, in the illustrations, how pixies and sprites are children. Even the aforementioned succubi and incubi are now sexual creatures only by a vague implication, and not any more than the peeping Tom satyrs.
D&D was always super awkward about sexuality and just saying fuck it and removing it from the equation is the right move. If I didn't know better, I'd say it's almost as if they've grown up and decided to leave "mature content" to "mature players" and not, for example, produce book after book of embarassingly inane masturbatory material for 14-year-old nerds.
But I do know better. This is of course a logical publicity move designed to get the female players hooked, which is fine in itself. But what they DID manage overlook is that all the decidedly female creatures in the book are shit. So they made a big leap from presenting females as something between "sexy dominatrix Warrior Queen" and "sexy slutty barmaid," and invariably evil and/or stupid, but they did a half-assed job because they still represent females as second class combatants at best.
Women are not offended about sex and other women's bodies presented in art, only SJWs are. What you described is just the people at WOTC giving tribute to the SJW community.
Here's some examples of what material will get the female players hooked ...
http://vaginalfantasy.com/
Well, to be fair, they ate elves and other sentient in Dark Sun, so that's really nothing new. I shall adopt you into my new tribe, and by the scent of bread coming from you, I can tell that you're happy about that.Lago PARANOIA wrote:The Thri-Kreen thing sounds dog's testicle lickingly stupid. The only reason why people care about the race at all is because they're an option for a PC race. If you make them unsympathetic, non-playable animal monsters then no one gives a fuck because there are a ton of other monsters that already fill that role.
You shouldn't be let anywhere near your friend's four-year-old daughter.hamstertamer wrote: Nah, if they wanted to get females (I assume you meant human females) hooked then the D&D manuals would focus on sex and relationships. And there would be various lurid descriptions of sexual acts through out. Basically they need to make the game about hooking up with vampires and other supernatural beings.
Women are not offended about sex and other women's bodies presented in art, only SJWs are. What you described is just the people at WOTC giving tribute to the SJW community.
Here's some examples of what material will get the female players hooked ...
[porn]
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Lago PARANOIA
- Invincible Overlord
- Posts: 10555
- Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 3:00 am
2E D&D Thri-kreen being cannibals was just part of the Dark Sun DAHKE and EJJY fun. 3E and 4E D&D Thri-kreen are supposed to be playable and sympathetic.
The 5E D&D Monster Manual wasn't as atrocious as I was expecting. The monster selection is pretty good and the artwork has a few gems. The biggest problem with this book is that it's packed to the brim with filler. Not anywhere near as bad as 4E D&D's, though.
The base rules set is pretty not-good, too, but that chicken has already been fucked.
The 5E D&D Monster Manual wasn't as atrocious as I was expecting. The monster selection is pretty good and the artwork has a few gems. The biggest problem with this book is that it's packed to the brim with filler. Not anywhere near as bad as 4E D&D's, though.
The base rules set is pretty not-good, too, but that chicken has already been fucked.
Josh Kablack wrote:Your freedom to make rulings up on the fly is in direct conflict with my freedom to interact with an internally consistent narrative. Your freedom to run/play a game without needing to understand a complex rule system is in direct conflict with my freedom to play a character whose abilities and flaws function as I intended within that ruleset. Your freedom to add and change rules in the middle of the game is in direct conflict with my ability to understand that rules system before I decided whether or not to join your game.
In short, your entire post is dismissive of not merely my intelligence, but my agency. And I don't mean agency as a player within one of your games, I mean my agency as a person. You do not want me to be informed when I make the fundamental decisions of deciding whether to join your game or buying your rules system.
That and I don't think the math could be anywhere near as fucked as it was with Monster Manual, where I'm still not convinced that despite them creating
a game that played like a wargame that is almost solely predicated
upon combat, that they ever playtested a single monster scenario.
The advice for 4E is to utterly ignore the first two entire Monster Manuals.
There is no way this book can be anywhere near the mechanical failure that 4E's early bestiaries were.
a game that played like a wargame that is almost solely predicated
upon combat, that they ever playtested a single monster scenario.
The advice for 4E is to utterly ignore the first two entire Monster Manuals.
There is no way this book can be anywhere near the mechanical failure that 4E's early bestiaries were.
Last edited by Insomniac on Mon Dec 01, 2014 9:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Username17
- Serious Badass
- Posts: 29894
- Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:54 pm
We know there was some playtesting of 4e battles, we just also know that the methodology was completely insane. Each turn write down how much damage you did and put a little star down if you also did a rider effect of some kind - and never mind if it was a temporary AC bonus or a multi-turn stunlock.Insomniac wrote:That and I don't think the math could be anywhere near as fucked as it was with Monster Manual, where I'm still not convinced that despite them creating
a game that played like a wargame that is almost solely predicated
upon combat, that they ever playtested a single monster scenario.
The advice for 4E is to utterly ignore the first two entire Monster Manuals.
There is no way this book can be anywhere near the mechanical failure that 4E's early bestiaries were.
Also the high level fights weren't tested at all. But with such obviously insane methodology (ffs, counting hit point damage when half the enemies have one hp each and the other half have over nine thousand?), it's no surprise things went to shit. The weird part is where they were still jigging the basic numbers three monster books later.
-Username17
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JigokuBosatsu
- Prince
- Posts: 2549
- Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2010 10:36 pm
- Location: The Portlands, OR
- Contact:
Could you explain what's so bad about that? I guess she may be overrated, as an idol among nerdy folk (much like any celebrity), though I consider her to be Ok.JigokuBosatsu wrote:...aaaaaaaand no.Vaginal Fantasy wrote:Join Felicia Day
What I find wrong w/ 4th edition: "I want to stab dragons the size of a small keep with skin like supple adamantine and command over time and space to death with my longsword in head to head combat, but I want to be totally within realistic capabilities of a real human being!" --Caedrus mocking 4rries
"the thing about being Mister Cavern [DM], you don't blame players for how they play. That's like blaming the weather. Weather just is. You adapt to it. -Ancient History
"the thing about being Mister Cavern [DM], you don't blame players for how they play. That's like blaming the weather. Weather just is. You adapt to it. -Ancient History
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JigokuBosatsu
- Prince
- Posts: 2549
- Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2010 10:36 pm
- Location: The Portlands, OR
- Contact:
What the fuck?Starmaker wrote:You shouldn't be let anywhere near your friend's four-year-old daughter.hamstertamer wrote: Nah, if they wanted to get females (I assume you meant human females) hooked then the D&D manuals would focus on sex and relationships. And there would be various lurid descriptions of sexual acts through out. Basically they need to make the game about hooking up with vampires and other supernatural beings.
Women are not offended about sex and other women's bodies presented in art, only SJWs are. What you described is just the people at WOTC giving tribute to the SJW community.
Here's some examples of what material will get the female players hooked ...
[porn]
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rasmuswagner
- Knight-Baron
- Posts: 705
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 9:37 am
- Location: Danmark
I love the word "SJW". It's like "Family Values", "Job Creators" and "Defending My Family", in that when used unironically, it identifies the speaker as a willfully ignorant asshole.hamstertamer wrote: Women are not offended about sex and other women's bodies presented in art, only SJWs are. What you described is just the people at WOTC giving tribute to the SJW community.
Every time you play in a "low magic world" with D&D rules (or derivates), a unicorn steps on a kitten and an orphan drops his ice cream cone.
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Night Goat
- Journeyman
- Posts: 120
- Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 7:53 pm
Oh sweet fuck don't do this again.
FrankTrollman wrote: Halfling women, as I'm sure you are aware, combine all the "fun" parts of pedophilia without any of the disturbing, illegal, or immoral parts.
K wrote:That being said, the usefulness of airships for society is still transporting cargo because it's an option that doesn't require a powerful wizard to show up for work on time instead of blowing the day in his harem of extraplanar sex demons/angels.
Chamomile wrote: See, it's because K's belief in leaving generation of individual monsters to GMs makes him Chaotic, whereas Frank's belief in the easier usability of monsters pre-generated by game designers makes him Lawful, and clearly these philosophies are so irreconcilable as to be best represented as fundamentally opposed metaphysical forces.
Whipstitch wrote:You're on a mad quest, dude. I'd sooner bet on Zeus getting bored and letting Sisyphus put down the fucking rock.
Recently, hamstertamer went on a rant about his friend's too-mature-for-her-age four-year-old daughter in order to one-up JigokuBosatsu and his daughter. Now he states all women are interested in sticking their vaginas into everything everything into their vaginas, even though he presumably has a counterexample represented by the aforementioned 4-year-old girl. So there are two options: hamstertamer is just a lying semen-stain in his parthenogenetic dad's pants who doesn't actually hold the opinion he expressed, or he's a pedo. Since internet conversation wouldn't be very productive if every post could be "debunked" with "you're lying about your opinion", I assume it's the latter.Drolyt wrote:What the fuck?Starmaker wrote: You shouldn't be let anywhere near your friend's four-year-old daughter.
Kindly go fuck yourself with a chainsaw, hamstertamer.