The Suu
"It's none of your business!"[/u]
--Eragon
Suus are born, not made. Once in a generation, a child is born who - through no virtue of their own - is destined for greatness. Recognized by their strange-colored eyes, these children are hated and feared for their reality-warping powers, and are often smothered when young for the good of society. However, a few always manage to slip through. These are the Suus. For ancient and esoteric reasons now lost to mortal sages, female Suus are usually named "Mary," while males are split evenly between "Gary" and "Marty."
Abilities: All abilities are useful to the Suu, but none are critical. A Suu's powers ensure that he never needs to actually work for anything.
Alignment: Self-Righteous. A Suu counts as "good" for purposes of alignment-specific effects.
Hit Die: d%
Class Skills: All skills are class skills for a Suu. Even if a Suu has no training or innate ability with a given skill, they can pick it up in a matter of hours - the more obscure, the better.
Skill Points at 1st Level: (10 + Int modifier) x4
Skill Points at Each Additional Level: 10 + Int modifier
BAB: Good (1/1)
Fort Save: Good
Ref Save: Good
Will Save: Good
Level - Abilities
1 - Angsty Background, Bumps and Bruises, Cursed with Awesome
2 - Eyes of the Suu, Speshul Blood
3 - Always Right, Mentor
4 - Nemesis, Speshul Powarz
5 - Get Out Of Jail Free, Popular Hero
6 - Scrappy Sidekick, Speshul Powarz
7 - Speshul Weaponz, Suu Transformation
8 - Speshul Powarz
9 - True Luv
10 - Speshul Powarz
11 - Perception Equals Reality
12 - Speshul Powarz
13 - Deus Ex Machina
14 - Speshul Powarz
15 - Bane of the Nameless
16 - Speshul Powarz
17 - Crit Machine
18 - Speshul Powarz
19 - Speshul Powarz
20 - I Win
Class Abilities
Weapon and Armor Proficiencies: A Suu is proficient with all weapons and armor, no matter how obscure or exotic. In fact, Suus are actually more proficient with exotic weapons than they are with more common weapons.
Angsty Background (ex) Suus never have happy backgrounds; they were always orphans, or watched their parents die, or were hated for their mixed heritage, or some crap like that. If a Suu has a surviving parent or guardian, they will die by the time the Suu reaches second level. Strangely, although the Suu will agonize endlessly over their pathetic lives, others find them fascinating and wish to comfort them. This grants the Suu a bonus on all Charisma-based checks equal to their Suu level.
Bumps and Bruises (Ex): A Suu can never be reduced below 1 hp, and thus can never truly be killed. Also, a Suu automatically heals one-half of all damage suffered after five minutes, and the rest after a full night's sleep. A Suu can never suffer any permanent or even semi-permanent injury (including poison or disease) or scarring, unless it makes him appear rakish or is particularly angsty (but with no mechanical penalties).
Cursed with Awesome (Ex): Because of their halfbreed blood/brutal training/prophecies about them/whatever, Suus are terrific at everything they do, even especially if they have absolutely no skill at it. Suus inevitably angst endlessly about this tragic set of circumstances, despite the fact that it provides them with enormous benefits and no drawbacks. A Suu gains a bonus equal to their Suu level on all rolls and checks; this bonus stacks with everything, including itself. If the Suu has no actual skill at the task (for instance, is not proficient with the weapon or has no ranks in the skill), the bonus is doubled. Yes, Suus are always proficient with all weapons, but some manage to gain this doubled bonus anyway.
Eyes of the Suu (Sp): Suus are known for their odd-colored eyes, which may be silver, gold, violet, sea-green or some other odd shade - and which change color with the Suu's emotional state. At 2nd level the power of the Suu's eyes manifests, and the Suu is able to use detect evil, detect good, detect chaos, detect law and discern lies at will as a free action.
Suus cannot be lied to and are immune to Bluff attempts.
Speshul Blood (Ex): A Suu is always of a special bloodline - an ancient king, the vanished elves, a dreaded demon, or perhaps the ancient vanished king of the demon-elves. Whenever he encounters an item or situation that requires a specific race or bloodline to function - such as a door that will only open for elves, or a weapon that is the heirloom of a specific noble family - the Suu's bloodline is of the appropriate type. Even if the bloodline in question has been destroyed or never existed.
Always Right (Su): A 3rd-level Suu gains the power to make the universe itself bend to his will. Once per day the Suu may make a declarative statement and have it immediately become true, as if casting a wish. Unfortunately, the Suu must succeed on a DC 50 Intelligence check in order to use this power well; otherwise, he says something like "The guard is planning to betray us," instead of "The evil emperor realizes the error of his ways and abdicates."
Furthermore, Sense Motive checks always fail against a Suu, since he is convinced he is always right.
Mentor (Ex): Also at 3rd level a Suu gains a Mentor, which is a venerable NPC who teaches the Suu whatever he needs to know, fights beside him, and generally acts as his servant. Each time the Suu gains a class level the Mentor must roll a d20; on a 1-5 the mentor will perish before the Suu gains another level. No known power can prevent this.
Nemesis (Ex): At 4th level a Suu acquires a nemesis, which may be a character the Suu has already met. The Nemesis may be of any class and is always considered evil in alignment, regardless of their actual behavior. The Nemesis immediately becomes aware of the Suu and automatically hates him and seeks to recruit or destroy him. The Suu's Nemesis - and only the Nemesis - is immune to all the Suu's powers except for Deus Ex Machina and I Win.
Like the Suu himself, the Suu's Nemesis can never be killed. Unlike the Suu, the Nemesis can suffer from disfiguring injuries, poisons or diseases - they just won't kill him.
Speshul Powarz (Su):] At 4th level the Suu gains some unearned power. The Suu may choose any power - extraordinary, supernatural, spell-like, or even a spell - available to any class or prestige class of his class level or lower. He need not meet the prerequisites. The Suu gains that power and can use it at will. If the power is particularly useless or inappropriate, or is "lost," the Suu gains it twice: can use it twice as often, or at double effectiveness, or something similar.
If he chooses, a Suu may gain two bonus feats instead of a Speshul Powar; he need not meet the prerequisites for the feats either.
A Suu's speshul powar is usually gained through a training montage in which someone demonstrates the powar to the Suu by repeatedly kicking his ass with it. This training montage takes no time, and at the end of it the Suu has not only mastered the new powar, he is forever immune to its effects.
A Suu gains a new Speshul Powar at level 6, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18 and 19.
Get Out Of Jail Free (Ex): At 5th level the Suu gains the ability, once per day, to get Out Of Jail Free. If the Suu is imprisoned or restrained in any way, he may activate this power to create some sort of unlikely coincidence that results in his freedom. This is not guaranteed to free the Suu's allies; collateral damage, in fact, is likely.
Popular Hero (Su): A 5th-level Suu's reality-warping powers and angsty background have grown so strong that others perceive the Suu in a positive light, even if he is grinding up babies to make hamburger. Any NPCs encountering the Suu have a minimum attitude of Indifferent.
The only exceptions are evil people, who are automatically hostile; and unfriendly or hostile people, who automatically become evil. Yes, this is self-contradictory.
Scrappy Sidekick (Ex): At 6th level a Suu gains a scrappy sidekick. This is similar to the Leadership edge, except that the sidekick's level is equal to the Suu's - sometimes even higher. The sidekick may be human, or it may be of some more exotic race, such as a thri-kreen, minotaur, or dragon. If the sidekick is distinctly nonhuman, it will be telepathic. Regardless, it serves the Suu like a good little doormat and emotional tissue, and will never abandon the Suu, no matter how it is treated.
Starting when the Suu gains a Scrappy Sidekick, the Suu's Mentor will perish on a roll of 1-10 instead of 1-5.
Speshul Weaponz (Ex): At 7th level a Suu acquires a Speshul Weapon. This may be anything from an ancient sword to a prototype laser pistol to a 747 with laser bazookas mounted on the wings. The weapon is a +5 weapon with special abilities equal to another +10 in value, thus breaking the rules of magical weapons. Only the Suu may wield this weapon, and only his loyal friends may even touch it. This weapon can never be lost or destroyed.
Suu Transformation (Su): Also at 7th level a Suu will undergo a magical, mystical transformation. This transformation may be brought about by drug-addled hippie elves dancing naked in the moonlight, or by beating on someone so much that the Suu reaches the next level of power, or by bonking their head against a rock. Whatever the reason, the transformation leaves the Suu even more awesome, powerful, pretty, and speshul. The Suu gains a +6 bonus to every ability score, except the one that the Suu belives themselves to be worst at (which is usually the one they're best at). The Suu gains a +12 bonus to that ability.
True Luv (Su: At 9th level the Suu finds True Luv, which is related to - but distinct from - true love. The Suu will encounter a member of the opposite gender - or possibly the same gender - who is the Suu's ideal of physical perfection. The True Luv will be almost-but-not-quite as physically and mentally capable as the Suu, and will inevitably get into trouble and need rescuing frequently. She will also be of noble birth, a virgin, and initially rebel against an arranged marriage with an older man before meeting the Suu.
Note that the object of the Suu's affections will not necessarily return the Suu's feelings, at least initially. That's "love," while this is "Luv." In this case, the Suu will be compelled to pursue their reluctant True Luv like a creepy stalker, but that's okay - it's Destiny.
The Suu's True Luv shares his Bumps and Bruises ability - she cannot be killed or even semipermanently injured. Anyone who attempts to scar her will explode messily.
Starting when the Suu finds True Luv, his Mentor (if still alive) will perish on a roll of 1-15 instead of 1-10.
Perception Equals Reality (Su): An 11th-level Suu's perceptions begin to alter the very nature of existence. Starting at this level, reality itself will struggle to conform to a Suu's notions of how the world should be. This alteration is very subtle - so subtle, in fact, that the Suu himself never becomes aware of this power, and hence can never use it to his advantage.
Deus Ex Machina (Su): At 13th level a Suu gains the power, once per day, to declare a deus ex machina. This power is equivalent to a wish, and is inevitably used to save the Suu or his allies from some perilous situation - often of the Suu's own making. The results of this power, while dramatic, always manifest as some sort of unlikely coincidence rather than overt magic. Some collateral damage among the Suu's allies is inevitable.
Bane of the Nameless (Ex): A 15th-level Suu becomes death on two legs. Any time the Suu successfully strikes an enemy whose name he does not know with any weapon, including unarmed strikes, magical attacks and toothpicks, the enemy drops dead with no saving throw. Slain enemies can never be raised or reincarnated - not even a full wish will restore them.
In the unlikely even that an enemy somehow survives this power, they will immediately commit suicide by the quickest means available in order to preserve the Suu's infallibility.
Crit Machine (Ex): A 17th-level Suu has totally mastered the fighting arts, including any he has never practiced or even heard of. Any time the Suu makes an attack roll of any kind, he threatens a critical hit on a roll of 11-20. Against nameless enemies (see Bane of the Nameless), he threatens a critical on a roll of 2-20.
I Win (Su): When the Suu attains 20th level his Mentor, if he has miraculously survived this long, will be immediately and horribly murdered by the Nemesis. This unlocks the Suu's ultimate power: I Win. To use this power, the Suu must successfully strike his Nemesis in melee with his Speshul Weapon, while using one or more of his Speshul Powarz. When this occurs, the Nemesis dies in suitably dramatic and final fashion, and the Suu wins. He immediately marries his True Luv, is elected King of the World by popular decree, becomes fabulously wealthy, loses his Angsty Background, lives for 1,000 years, and brings peace and happiness to all the world for ever and ever.
Comments are welcome but comments about balance are obviously unnecesary, as this it the most perfectly balanced class in existence.
Teh most awesomist class EVAR!!1!
Moderator: Moderators
Teh most awesomist class EVAR!!1!
Last edited by Talisman on Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
MartinHarper wrote:Babies are difficult to acquire in comparison to other sources of nutrition.
There are not enough rolling smiley faces in the world.
Edit: You forgot the optional ability to have the Suu undergo a transformation which leaves them stronger, faster, smarter, and generally better.
Edit: You forgot the optional ability to have the Suu undergo a transformation which leaves them stronger, faster, smarter, and generally better.
Last edited by Maxus on Thu Jan 08, 2009 7:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
You know what would be fucking awesome?Aktariel wrote:Ahahahahahahaha!
Fucking awesome!
Wonder if I can convince anyone to let me play this... it's like the Elothar PRCL, except with more win.
And by win I mean "satire."
A whole party of Suus.
Including a DM PC Mega-Suu.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
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angelfromanotherpin
- Overlord
- Posts: 9745
- Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:54 pm
Changed Suu Bonus to Cursed with Awesome (thanks, angel!)
Added Suu Transformation. I can't believe I forgot that in the first place!
I can see all the Sues - Purity Sue Angsty Sue, Tsundere Sue - being Suu PrCs.
Someone else will have to write 'em up, though.
Added Suu Transformation. I can't believe I forgot that in the first place!
I can see all the Sues - Purity Sue Angsty Sue, Tsundere Sue - being Suu PrCs.
Someone else will have to write 'em up, though.
MartinHarper wrote:Babies are difficult to acquire in comparison to other sources of nutrition.
Suu Transformation? Much mo' betta, as my sister says.Talisman wrote:Changed Suu Bonus to Cursed with Awesome (thanks, angel!)
Added Suu Transformation. I can't believe I forgot that in the first place!
I can see all the Sues - Purity Sue Angsty Sue, Tsundere Sue - being Suu PrCs.
Someone else will have to write 'em up, though.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
(Proposed)
Suus may not multiclass. Once you have become a suu, all other classes are too good for the likes of you. Or not good enough, depending on whether you'r feeeling angsty or sociopathic. For Suus who feel both, the DM flips a coin. Heads, the Suu may multiclass in any class allowed for the 3e Player's Handbook Paladin. Tails, the Suu may take any class allowed for 3e Monks.
Suus may not multiclass. Once you have become a suu, all other classes are too good for the likes of you. Or not good enough, depending on whether you'r feeeling angsty or sociopathic. For Suus who feel both, the DM flips a coin. Heads, the Suu may multiclass in any class allowed for the 3e Player's Handbook Paladin. Tails, the Suu may take any class allowed for 3e Monks.
Trust in the Emperor, but always check your ammunition.
How about this?
Suus who multiclass come to their senses and swap out all their levels for levels in the new class. Their background becomes more normal, and the stupid eye-thing goes away. Alternately, a character who multiclasses into Suu has obviously taken leave of their senses and immediately swaps out all levels for Suu levels, as well as immediately gaining a level for sheer stupidity. Background and other character information must be changed appropriately.
Suus who multiclass come to their senses and swap out all their levels for levels in the new class. Their background becomes more normal, and the stupid eye-thing goes away. Alternately, a character who multiclasses into Suu has obviously taken leave of their senses and immediately swaps out all levels for Suu levels, as well as immediately gaining a level for sheer stupidity. Background and other character information must be changed appropriately.
Absentminded_Wizard wrote:Yes, according to 4e RAW, you are your own enemy.4e PHB, p. 57 under "Target" (bolding mine) wrote:When a power’s target entry specifies that it affects you and one or more of your allies, then you can take advantage of the power’s effect along with your team-mates. Otherwise, “ally” or “allies” does not include you, and both terms assume willing targets. “Enemy” or “enemies” means a creature or creatures that aren’t your allies (whether those creatures are hostile toward you or not). “Creature” or “creatures” means allies and enemies both, as well as you.
I e-mailed this to the person who writes the Eragon sporkings.
The reaction?
The reaction?
That's BRILLIANT!!!
Thanks for sharing.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
http://eragon-sporkings.wikispaces.com/Aktariel wrote:Eragon sporkings?
Someone who analyzes the Eragon books and has a very dim opinion of them.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
Thanks! That should about max out my ego for the day.Maxus wrote:I e-mailed this to the person who writes the Eragon sporkings.
The reaction?That's BRILLIANT!!!
Thanks for sharing.
I love the sporkings. I'm currently re-reading the whole shebang.
MartinHarper wrote:Babies are difficult to acquire in comparison to other sources of nutrition.
