The Gaming Den

erik wrote:

hyzmarca wrote:She used her own services.

I'd buy that she's just a reckless idiot, rather than actively malicious, considering that she did that to her own butt. She still needs to go to prison, for everyone's safety.

I seriously doubt anyone's future safety is at risk considering she is unemployable in that field already. The real danger is if she goes to prison and the other inmates get sprung, cuz baby got back.

I really wouldn't assume that she's unemployable, considering how many desperate people pay to get caulk injected in their butts ven knowing the risks.

Apparently, Florida is the illegal butt injection capital of the world.

How is it unfortunate that your shit turns bright pink? Even from a practical standpoint it probably shows up better against most skin, tiles and clothing for your basic "Note: your bowels have exploded. Washing is seriously needed here" purposes.

http://lewisandquark.tumblr.com/post/15 ... al-network

Mind blark.

I demand that someone write these up as actual spells.

Moss Healing Word
Hold Mouse
Barking Sphere
Heat on Farm
True Steake
Finger of Enftebtemang
Fomend’s Beating Sphere
Purping Lightsin
Farming
Wrathful Hound
Q’s Invisibility
Cow of Auraly
Mind Blark
Stone Share
Puijune Magic Furs
Grove of Plants
Conjure Velemert
Vicious Markers
End Wall
Mous of Farts
Cursing
Gland Growth

Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion

I imagine that "farming" is just the wizard grabbing a hoe and doing some actual farmwork.

Moss Healing Word (Conjuration/Healing)
Brd 1, Drd 1, Rngr 2

Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard acion
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will half (harmless); see text
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless); see text

Using an ancient word of power known only to growing things, can heal one plant or fungus creature by touch, channeling positive energy to cure 2d4 +1 points of damage per caster level (maximum +10).

Since undead plants are powered by negative energy, this spell deals damage to them instead of curing their wounds. An undead creature can apply spell resistance, and can attempt a Will save to take half damage.

The healing word being:"There there" of course.

Hold Mouse Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Drd 0

Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium
Target: 1 Mouse, Rat or other partial-hit die rodent
Duration: 1 Round/level (D)
Saving Throw: Will Negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

This spell functions as Hold Animal, but only for rodents of less than one hit die.

-

Barking Sphere Evocation [Sonic]
Sorc/Wiz 1, Bard 1

Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium
Effect: 5' diameter sphere
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

A pulsing ball of sonic energy rolls about, barking loudly. Each turn it may move up to 30 feet, directed by the caster with a Swift Action. The noise it creates drowns out normal speech within 30 feet of it, and Listen checks are required to hear shouting within this area (or speech between 35-60 feet), with a DC of 20. In order to maintain Concentration on a spell, casters must succeed at Concentration checks with a DC of 15 if 35 to 60 feet away, 20 if up to 30 feet away, or 25 if adjacent to or sharing its square.

-

There's my share. Fomend's Beating Sphere is presumably just a Flaming Sphere of Bludgeoning damage, like throwing a Katamari of Brock Lesnars at someone. Farming is probably "simulates a day's work in the field". Wrathful Hound is like Faithful Hound except more fierce. Grove of Plants makes plants grow, I suppose? End Wall simply Dispels all Wall spells. And Gland Growth could be some kind of weirdly specific Contagion.

Mind Blark Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Sor/Wiz 3, Wuj 3

Components: Focus
Casting Time: 1 standard round or special; see text
Range: Self
Target: Self
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

With the casting of this potent spell, the caster clears their mind of all currently memorized or prepared spells. This spell may be cast normally, or it can be triggered automatically if one of the character's spells would be stolen, as by the Spell Thief ability or equivalent spell or ability. The casting of this spell automatically defeats such ability. While memorized, the character receives a +2 bonus to Will Saves against mind-affecting spells and effects.

Focus: A gem (worth at least 50gp) worn on the brow.

My new favorite trap is a potion of Mind Blark mislabeled as 'Fox's Cunning.'

True Steake
Conjuration (Creatiion)
Clr 3 Sor 3 Wiz 3
Components: S, F
Casting time: 1 Round
Range: Close
Duration: 1 hour (see below) 10 minutes/caster level

By means of this (mispelled) spell, the caster creates the most divine, awesome, delicious steaks (1 per caster level) to ever grace the tastebuds. If not consumed within 1 hour, it quickly dissolves away into nothing though purify food and water can cause it to last for another hour each time it is cast. If consumed within this time (a minimum of 1 minute to eat), the consumer is filled with joy and energy from the sheer mind-blowing deliciousness of the steak.

They are healed as if by consuming a potion of cure light wounds/inflict light wounds (their choice), and gain a +2 morale bonus to attacks, checks, or saves, the bonus determined at the start of their round.

Focus: A well-used cooking utensil.

Q's Invisibility
Illusion (Glamer)
Level: Bard 3, Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Personal
Duration: 1 min/level (D)

The caster becomes invisible (as invisibility) and also inaudible, but these qualities are selective, allowing the caster to be seen and/or heard through this effect by anyone they wish. The caster defines who can see and/or hear them when the spell is cast, and can edit the lists as a swift action. As invisibility, the spell ends if the subject attacks any creature.

Purping Lightsin
Evocation [Light]
Level: 3
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

As Scorching Ray, but the beams of light are particularly drawn to avian cloacae. The rays must target creatures with the hindparts of birds (such as achaierai, arrowhawks, actual birds, harpies, etc.) if possible, and if they strike such a creature, they do so as confirmed critical hits.

A light spell (one with the light descriptor) counters and dispels a darkness spell (one with the darkness descriptor) of an equal or lower level.

Conjure Velemert
Conjuration
Level: 3
Casting Time: one action
Range: 60 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: Concentration, up to one hour

You summon 1d4+1 Velemert worth no more than one GP each. Choose two of the following for their properties:

• emit almond milk as a cooling spray
  quiver rapturously for up to ten rounds, forcing Will saves to avoid distraction
  capable of casting Finger of Enftebtemang as a 5th-level caster once per Velemert
  rigid appendages
  flavor remarkably like marinated tuna
  at-will appordasion

The summoned Velemert are indifferent to you and your companions, but will gravitate rapidly towards nearby plumbus, dealing one point of sleem damage to anything within a thirty foot radius.

The word velemert makes me think some kind of wibbolous jellyslime.

http://www.nature.com/news/female-insec ... ge-1.15064

It's a big old, but it's new to me.

It will launch many fetish sites, I'm sure.

I can't believe this has gotten so little coverage:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_Coker

I know it's a wikipedia link, but it should have been news. Read some of the sources.

Josh_Kablack wrote:I can't believe this has gotten so little coverage:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_Coker

I know it's a wikipedia link, but it should have been news. Read some of the sources.

!!!
My hero.
Holy crap she needs to ride the PBP. Or RAAM. She'd rip everyone there a new one.
Thank you for sharing.

Speaking as an astounded nobody on teh interwebs: she needs to sell the movie rights. She's an amateur who supported this effort through a gofundme campaign that only raised like $12k. And medical bills from the 2011 collision forced her family to move into a trailer.

Speaking as a cycling enthusiast who is happy to have ridden a trio of centuries in 2017 - holy shit ! I would not have though those feats humanly possible!

hyzmarca wrote:Apparently, Florida is the illegal butt injection capital of the world.

It's important to remember that the only reason Florida has a reputation for being weird is the Sunshine Law. Just as much weird shit goes down in the other 49 legal systems, but digging up the details requires that people do actual journalism.

https://www.wired.com/story/malware-dna-hack

In new research they plan to present at the USENIX Security conference on Thursday, a group of researchers from the University of Washington has shown for the first time that it’s possible to encode malicious software into physical strands of DNA, so that when a gene sequencer analyzes it the resulting data becomes a program that corrupts gene-sequencing software and takes control of the underlying computer.