Let's Play Fighting Fantasy #25: Beneath Nightmare Castle

[Shrapnel]

Intelligence is not (usually) the forte of FF characters.

Why do you think they all need someone else to make decisions for them?

[angelfromanotherpin]

I think it could be chalked up to the insanity juice that's clearly being pumped into the air around here. That gardener heard voices telling him to kill (which I assumed was going to be why we only got one answer out of him), and that priest was more than usually strange.

[OgreBattle]

look at a different barrel.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(It's 2-1 in favor of drinking from another barrel. Rolled another 5.)

You select a barrel, turn its tap and fill the cup with rich ruby liquid. It is a fortified wine of excellent vintage, and you enjoy every drop. It restores up to 2 points of STAMINA, if necessary; but it also contains a considerable amount of alcohol which dulls your senses and slows your reflexes. Reduce your SKILL by 2 points until you next eat a portion of food.

(This book has rules for killing children and getting drunk. What more can you ask for? Other than better editing, that is.)

You hear a footfall behind one of the cellar's middle doors. Before you can react, the door flies open and four robed swordsmen rush in. You face them, with your weapon at the ready, and back away between the rows of barrels. Behind you, another door opens, and you turn to see another four soldiers entering the cellar. You are surrounded; eight swords converge on you.

If you want to fight
If you decide to surrender
If you have a jewel-encrusted ring, an emerald, or any Gold Pieces, you can try to bribe your opponents.

(Surprise bears guards, although they'd appear if we checked the barrel as well.)

Adventure Sheet
Holden McGroin, a.k.a Fukkerjack
SKILL 9/11 (until next meal)
STAMINA 19/19
LUCK 9/9
WILLPOWER 9/11
Equipment: Sword, Armor, Three-Pronged Blue Spearhead, Green Glass Globe
Provisions: 4 (+4 STAMINA each)
Gold Pieces: 4
Running Total of Deaths: 1

[angelfromanotherpin]

Well, hell. I don't think they'll take half a gold piece each as a bribe, fighting eight-to-one odds is instadeath territory, and surrender has a long track record of going badly.

Try the bribe. If it doesn't work, presumably we can still pick one of the others.

[Starmaker]

If we try to bribe them, they might as well lock us up anyway AND take our money now that we will have mentioned it. Then again, we keep the money in a pouch, and the chance of the bribe working far outweighs any risk of accidental bullshit. So do it.

[OgreBattle]

So after murdering those kids, we snuck into a cellar and got drunk, and then the police found us.

Kill them.

[Starmaker]

So after murdering those kids, we snuck into a cellar and got drunk, and then the police found us.

Kill them.

The character in the first book by Peter Darvill-Evans that we played died to five guys she had no business being surprised or surrounded by (IIRC the book asked, "someone's approaching, do you want to hide or stand in the open"), and she had a skill of 12. Here we have below-average effective skill and are explicitly surrounded by eight guys. I don't like our chances.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(And actually, she was surrounded by Southern swordsmen, the same kind of people we're dealing with now. Votes are 2 for bribing and 1 for fighting, so we bribe.)

The swarthy swordsmen watch with interest as you rest your weapon and proffer your bribe. Their leader takes your offering, and insists on searching your backpack for more. He mockingly pretends to be very disappointed that you have nothing else of value to him, and then suddenly orders his men to seize you. You cannot reach your weapon in time, and you are soon held fast in spite of your struggles. The swordsmen are highly amused at your outraged expostulations.

(Ironically, the bandits in Portal of Evil were much more honorable than this lot.)

Sandwiched between two of the burliest of the swordsmen, and surrounded by a squad of others, you have no chance to escape as you are frog-marched out of the cellar, up a flight of stairs, through the gloom of the servants' quarters, and into the opulent private chambers of the Margrave of Neuburg Keep. Your guards halt at a pair of grand carved doors, on which the leader raps loudly. When the doors have been opened, he bows and announces in a barbaric accent: 'May it please the Margrave, a foreign spy captured within the castle walls!' A swordsman shoves you from behind and the entire troop marches in to present you to Baron Tholdur.

(I know the Southern Swordsmen have been described as swarthy RAV Hammerfell Warrior types, as is befitting Lovecraft-meets-Howard, but I can't help but imagine that their leader speaks in an American Southern accent here.)

When you were last in Tholdur's Great Hall, as his honored comrade-in-arms, you marveled at the austere magnificence of the vast stone-pillared chamber. It seemed to reflect the Margrave's grand and rigorously martial personality. Now you are his prisoner, and everything seems to have changed. Sumptuous tapestries cover the walls, and the floor is littered with rugs and cushions. Ranks of impassive swordsmen stand on guard, while their captains and Neuburg merchants are waited on and entertained by lithe maidens in gauzy silks. Some of the women are dark-haired beauties from the south; others, wearing chains between ankles and wrists, are from the Neuburg area. Tholdur himself is sprawled on a grandiose gilt throne, a goblet in his hand and a faraway look in his eyes. Seated next to him on the dias is a small figure in a dark red cloak with a cowl that conceals its face. This figure whispers in Tholdur's ear as you approach. Will you remain silent while Baron Tholdur dispenses summary justice and decides your fate?
If so
If you want to identify yourself and appeal to the Margrave's memories of your past exploits together

Adventure Sheet
Holden McGroin, a.k.a Fukkerjack
SKILL 9/11 (until next meal)
STAMINA 19/19
LUCK 9/9
WILLPOWER 9/11
Equipment: Sword, Armor, Three-Pronged Blue Spearhead, Green Glass Globe
Provisions: 4 (+4 STAMINA each)
Gold Pieces: 0
Running Total of Deaths: 1

[MisterDee]

I'm going to blindly assume that Tholdur is too fucked up to recognize us and that claiming to be his buddy won't help.

Stay silent.

[Starmaker]

(Ironically, the bandits in Portal of Evil were much more honorable than this lot.)

That depends on what you consider honorable. The assholes in Portal of Evil were attacking random travelers, these are just doing their job, man, no hard feelings.

I'm going to blindly assume that Tholdur is too fucked up to recognize us and that claiming to be his buddy won't help.

Stay silent.

"Wazzup dude, dontcha recognize ur old pal?" No, we're not *that* drunk. Stay silent.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(I mostly meant in that the bandits keep their word and don't capture you after taking your shit.)

The mysterious red-robed figure continues to prompt Baron Tholdur, who rapidly finds the subject boring. He readily agrees that you should be taken down to the dungeons, and makes it clear that he has no interest in what happens to you after that. Ten guards escort you from the Great Hall and down a series of narrow staircases. At one point you reach a dark underground gallery; half of the escort contingent has already started down the next set of spiral stairs, and the other half is coming down stairs behind you. You have a slim chance to escape, although you do not know how far you will get in the darkness.

If you want to sprint along the passage into the dark
If you continue to follow your captors

[Starmaker]

Run.

[Darth Rabbitt]

Test your Luck. (1,6=7; Lucky)

Evading the clutching hands of your guards, you flee into the dark tunnel. Within seconds you are round a corner and in complete blackness. You collide with a rock wall, stumble over a boulder and collapse to the ground in a daze. You recover as the first of your pursuers approaches, holding aloft a flaring torch. He fails to see you, and as your blade slices into his leg he howls with pain, drops the torch and prepares for combat.

SOUTHERN SWORDSMAN SKILL 6 STAMINA 4

Swordsman 18, Holden 18. Tie.
Swordsman 12, Holden 19. Swordsman is at 2.

(Holden is still fighting after 2 rounds.)

The sounds of your struggle attract the rest of the guards, and you soon find yourself once again hemmed within a circle of gleaming swords. You throw down your weapon and try to endure the pain and indignity, as the soldiers beat you, deprive you of your weapon and bind your legs and arms. Reduce your Initial SKILL by 2 points until you can find another weapon. The guards drag you the rest of the way to the dungeons.

(Another typo here: it says "you Initial SKILL" in the original.)

If you are a prisoner, all dungeons are the same. The pits beneath Neuburg Keep are no exception. You are in a cramped, damp, filthy airless hole, and the fitful torchlight that sometimes creeps between the cracks in the metal-studded door is so weak that you can barely make out the shapes of the fat rats that scurry among the dirty straw on the floor.

If you have any food with you, you can eat a portion now. If you have a green glass globe, you can extract it from your backpack, or you can take out the trident head. If you have neither of these items, or do not wish to look at them, you will just have to sit morosely in your cell until something happens.

(If we eat, we're no longer shitfaced, so I assume we gobble down another pie. But we also have no weapon, so we're still down 2 SKILL.)

Adventure Sheet
Holden McGroin, a.k.a Fukkerjack
SKILL 9/11 (until another weapon is found)
STAMINA 19/19
LUCK 8/9
WILLPOWER 9/11
Equipment: Armor, Three-Pronged Blue Spearhead, Green Glass Globe
Provisions: 3 (+4 STAMINA each)
Gold Pieces: 0
Running Total of Deaths: 1

[OgreBattle]

Is this a one or the other choice? I'd like to see if the trident head does anything first, then blow ourselves up with the bomb.

[Starmaker]

Shit. We'd have beaten him if we hadn't been drunk. Stay sober, kids.
Late edit: and ran into deadly slime. Alcohol ftw.

Let's go with the trident.

[Mr Shine]

I'm guessinng the trident will be useless until we encounter its shaft. See what the globe does.

[Username17]

The book has gotten fucking retarded at this point. Every single thing from the barrels on has made no fucking sense on any level. I assume at this point that any and all actions are just going to be slapped down because we are being taught a lesson in having the fuck railroaded out of us. Jesus fuck.

While the "correct" choice is presumably simply to wait here and do nothing while the book continues to railroad us, I do want to see what happens if we pull the bomb out. Probably we die.

-Username17

[angelfromanotherpin]

It's a tough decision. The bomb might blow open the door or it might shred us in the enclosed space. The spork might do something useful, but it might also do nothing and also prevent us from using the bomb.

Bomb.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(This book gets stupid for a bit whenever you get captured. See also: the beginning of the book. 3 votes for the globe versus two for the trident head; we set up us the bomb.)

The globe emanates a soft green glow. It provides enough light for you to be able to inspect your surroundings. The walls are all made of titanic blocks of stone, cut by a mason who knew his trade well: there is not so much as a single crevice between the blocks. Once you have kicked aside the moldy straw, however, you see that the floor might be vulnerable to an escape attempt. The flagstones are ill-fitting, and it might be possible to pry some of them up.

If you want to try to do this
If you would rather wait in the cell until something happens

[Starmaker]

Want to try, duh. "Wait" is a shunt for the fork fork (which probably shines, too).

(edit: I found an amazingly stupid book. I'll Where-I-Play it one of these days, because it shouldn't be inflicted on other people.)

[Darth Rabbitt]

(Yes, the fork does shine too. And I considered a Where-I-Play of Creature of Havoc, but I fear I'd die of alcohol poisoning.)

It is very hard work removing a flagstone, and when you have finally heaved it out of position, you are disappointed to find that underneath it are rocks and packed earth. You persevere, however, and find that the next few flags are easier to lift. And under the fourth you find a gaping hole, a rough downward shaft that is just large enough to squeeze through.

(Like with buying the trident head, there's yet another opportunity to turn back that I'm sure we won't take.)

The shaft very soon begins to curve and widen, and before long you are able to turn round and crawl forwards, and then finally to stand upright and walk, when the vertical shaft has become a horizontal tunnel. Ahead you see an orange glow, almost like firelight, and you advance cautiously. The tunnel you are in leads into a wider passage, the very walls of which are pulsating with the ghastly fiery glow. The passage is completely deserted and silent.

The glowing passage extends for only twenty paces or so in both directions from the point where your side-tunnel joins it. To the right, the passage ends at a large door made of sturdy beams and reinforced with iron bands. It has a metal panel with a keyhole, and seems to be locked. To the left there are two doors: one is small and wooden, while the other is massive and made of riveted plates of solid metal. The small door has a handle but no lock; the metal door has three huge keyholes, and looks like a thief's nightmare.

(Holden has both a green globe and a blue spear-head, and this part doesn't say to choose from one or the other. You do need at least one of the two to get here, but that doesn't mean that you can't have both, as we do here. It's possible they mean "which one do you have out," but there's explicitly ample lighting in this chamber so it wouldn't make sense that you're still using either item as a light source. This is probably the biggest editing goof in the entire book. However, the globe assumes you don't have the spear-head while the spear-head doesn't assume anything, so let's go with the spear-head.)

The head of the trident is now glowing fiercely, and the flickering blue light reaches a new intensity when you point it at the large wooden door to your right.

If you want to try to open this door
If you would rather the metal door
If you want to try the small door

[Starmaker]

(Like with buying the trident head, there's yet another opportunity to turn back that I'm sure we won't take.)

Yay, this means at least two more plot branches just merged. Typical Darvill-Evans.

Try that door. Maybe we'll find the trident's shaft there. (Or maybe there's a monster and we get-- no, that's a terrible pun, I won't sink that low.)

edit:

And I considered a Where-I-Play of Creature of Havoc, but I fear I'd die of alcohol poisoning.

challenge accepted.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(Very well. I'll start it after we finish this LP.)

There is an iron ring set into the center of the door, but no amount of twisting it, or pulling or pushing, will make the door open. It is clearly locked, and you have nothing with which to try to pick the lock. Perhaps the trident head will help?

Do you want to insert one of the trident's points into the keyhole? If not, you will have to try one of the other doors—the small wooden one or the enormous metal one.

[angelfromanotherpin]

(Very well. I'll start it after we finish this LP.)

(Hell, I'll do an actual LP of it if people are interested. Though, the actual amount of P is low early in the book.)

Stab the lock!