Quotes 2014

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:57 am

"Okay, so it's Die Hard in an office building...no no, hear me out, but he gets to the top floor and it's like, it's not an office building, the whole time he's just been in this computer simulation, see? But it's the same office building and there are these terrorists, but everybody that he thought he killed was alive and a bunch of the people he was protecting are dead and some of his friends turn out to be the enemy. And he's going along trying to figure shit out, and then he looks through the mirror and he's the bad guy - and oh shit, the good guy is coming to get him. So he's the bad guy trying to stop the good guy, but he's been the good guy so he knows all the good guy's tricks, right? But then it turns out that the bad guy was really the good guy so he knows all the bad guy's tricks, and they're like in this chess match...in an office building."

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Tue Jan 07, 2014 9:35 pm

Me: Do you realize that bacon is a meat?
Ess: No. I totally think of bacon like a spice.

JonSetanta · Post by **JonSetanta** » Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:16 pm

An actress I was hanging out with: "I'm going to go full Jew and say these earrings are worth 8000."
Vendor: "Ten thousand."
Actress: "Well it was worth a shot."
Me: "WHAT. EVER. I'll buy them anyway."

They turned out to be only a few hundred, the vendor was fired, and we exchanged for better quality instead.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Wed Jan 08, 2014 12:57 am

Was this Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis or Grace Kelly this time?

Corsair114 · Post by **Corsair114** » Wed Jan 08, 2014 2:02 am

"If assholes can say winter is proof there’s no global warming, I’m gonna say pizza is proof exercise is a scam." -seen on Twitter

JonSetanta · Post by **JonSetanta** » Wed Jan 08, 2014 2:08 am

Cynic wrote:Was this Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis or Grace Kelly this time?

Oh sweet Jesus really?

Would it matter if I even told you?

Kaelik · Post by **Kaelik** » Wed Jan 08, 2014 2:57 am

sigma999 wrote:Would it matter if I even told you?

Of course not, but if you are going to waste time bragging about how you have money and know famous people in an unfunny way you could at least fucking quantify the level of your brag.

JonSetanta · Post by **JonSetanta** » Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:22 pm

All right snarkbutt.

Yes it was Scarlett. She prefers to be called Ingrid because "I got the name Scarlett due to the color of my lips".

"Excuse me but will you please pipe down? I realize I am funny but we are trying to do an interview."
Stephen Fry during a private interview with Craig Ferguson

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Mon Jan 13, 2014 8:26 pm

"Religious faith is the absolute expression of the Gambler's Fallacy. There is no accounting in this material life, no scheme of rewards or punishments from the immaterial that can be discerned - we cannot say, 'See, this man is poor because he has sinned,' or 'See, this man is rich because he is righteous,' because we all know too well that there is nothing to stop a righteous man from being poor, or a rich man from being wicked. Yet the faithful hold it dear in their hearts that at some point, at some time, all the scales will be set right - if not in this life, than the one to come. How different is that than the poor gambler, who on a losing streak knows in his heart that for the universe to balance out he must win soon?"

Mistborn · Post by **Mistborn** » Tue Jan 21, 2014 9:01 pm

From this thread

darkmaster wrote:Yeah but honestly if you're making a super hero game with its own fully formed setting you don't use D&D as a base, you use like M&M and strip out the connections to the comic book world and make it more in tune with the electronic media of today.

Maxus wrote:So instead of the Rat-Computer, Ratman has the Wall of Squeaks, where his many twitter accounts are displayed simultaneously for people to tweet him when they see trouble?

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Sat May 03, 2014 6:50 pm

My Sister: I want a smoothie.
My Mom: We should just have margaritas. They are like smoothies with benefits.

fectin · Post by **fectin** » Sun May 04, 2014 11:20 pm

Maj wrote:My Sister: I want a smoothie.
My Mom: We should just have margaritas. They are like smoothies with benefits.

Y'know, I could use a margarita.

Good idea.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Fri May 16, 2014 1:59 am

One of the yr12 students:
"Yeah, my brother gave me a shirt for my Birthday - a shirt that he nicked from someone. So for Christmas I bought him a One Direction cup."

Ah, familial payback.

MGuy · Post by **MGuy** » Fri May 16, 2014 7:38 am

"If the love of your life ever has me impaired, grasped in the jaws of her pet extradimensional beast, and is threatening to cut my balls off just shoot me and kill her after. Look man, I'm serious. I probably would never forgive you for not killing her afterward but I'd understand just make sure you kill me. Whatever you do, don't sit there and watch her slowly cut my nuts off."

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Fri May 23, 2014 4:54 am

"When I were a lad, my mum would give me $1 and send me to the store and I'd come back with a bottle of milk, two loaves of bread, some butter, six potatoes and a carton of eggs. You can't do that any more... too many fucking security cameras."

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 2:06 am

"Hey, stop doing work and play Pokémon with me."
-one of the students, to me
"Hey, stop playing Pokémon and do some work."
-teacher, to him

erik · Post by **erik** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 3:22 am

A day in the life of erik:

(mrs. erik looking up various cars while bored on the road today, mistakes name for Nissan Pathfinder for Highlander)
mrs erik: "Toyota and Nissan both have a Highlander"
erik: "I don't think they're allowed to do that. There can be only one"

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 4:04 am

Bravo

Is the Nissan Pathfinder a kind of shitty variant of another car, just slightly changed in enough ways that it's a pain to drive if you go from one to the other?

erik · Post by **erik** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 4:40 am

I don't actually know much of anything about it. They're in the same class as SUVs slightly bigger than crossovers (which are glorified elevated station wagons), but beyond that, nada.

We're not actually in the market for a new car or anything, sometimes tis just fun to look around at what is out there. (if we did get another car it would probably be something around that size though, could be a minivan or an SUV).

We test drove a few different crossovers back when kiddo #2 was on the way and despite them all looking the same and having very similar specs, they definitely handled differently. But I wouldn't say any were junk. There don't seem to be a lot of shitty cars out on the market these days. Compared to cars 20+ years ago, the cars out now are so much better across the board.

Chamomile · Post by **Chamomile** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 4:42 am

I'm not sure if erik missed the Pathfinder joke or just wanted to talk about cars.

erik · Post by **erik** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 4:56 am

Missed it. Very sleepy and quite possibly I am an idiot. But I will add another quote from this weekend.

Son#2: "crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap." (Repeating over and over as he ran around)
Mother in law. "Son #2, don't say bad words" (pause and asks mrs erik) "did he learn that from me?"
Mrs erik. "Yep."
Mother in law. "Oh, crap"

codeGlaze · Post by **codeGlaze** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:14 pm

erik wrote:Missed it. Very sleepy and quite possibly I am an idiot. But I will add another quote from this weekend.

Son#2: "crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap." (Repeating over and over as he ran around)
Mother in law. "Son #2, don't say bad words" (pause and asks mrs erik) "did he learn that from me?"
Mrs erik. "Yep."
Mother in law. "Oh, crap"

Hahaha

(At dinner.)
Mother in law : [my son], how was your day at school?
my son : Good! Except I have a bunch of stupid homeworm because of stupid New York State.
*Both in-laws look at me*
Mother in-law : Did he get that from you?
Me : Uh... I have no idea, probably
Son : Nope! Mr. [My son's teacher] says it all the time! They're stupid and make us do too much work!

Nachtigallerator · Post by **Nachtigallerator** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 7:44 pm

Lecturer: [Summarizing a talk on stimulants] "So, what's better? Doing cocaine first and then amphetamines, or the other way round?"
Student: *Mumbles*
Lecturer: "Exactly! He knows how it's done! Speed first, then cocaine!"

In case you ever wondered what pharmacology lectures were all about in Cologne: Optimal use of illegal drugs is one subject.

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 7:48 pm

erik wrote:Missed it. Very sleepy and quite possibly I am an idiot. But I will add another quote from this weekend.

Son#2: "crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap." (Repeating over and over as he ran around)
Mother in law. "Son #2, don't say bad words" (pause and asks mrs erik) "did he learn that from me?"
Mrs erik. "Yep."
Mother in law. "Oh, crap"

We had one of those days. Giovanni started using the word "ass," and we talked to him about not using it front of other people. He then concluded that it was perfectly acceptable to say at home and in the car. We agreed with that negotiation. So then, for the rest of our shopping day (we had a lot of stops to make), he would be perfectly good outside of the car. But the minute he was buckled in and going, he would repeat over and over and over again, "aaaaaaaasssssssss" in this deep monster voice. And then we'd get to the next stop and he's be fine again until we were back in the car.

Our stomachs hurts so bad from laughing that day. I honestly don't remember how I managed to keep driving with him doing that in the backseat.

Laertes · Post by **Laertes** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 7:53 pm

My tabletop group have quoted this one to me, and refuse to tell me the circumstances.

"As long as trousers get eaten, I don't really mind who does the eating."