[Let's Play] Fighting Fantasy 9 - Caverns of the Snow Witch

[JourneymanN00b]

Votes counted, running down the left branch and away from fascism wins 2-1.

321
You have only gone ten metres down the tunnel when the ice floor suddenly cracks and gives way under your weight. You fall down into an ice pit, a trap made by the Snow Witch’s followers. Roll 1 die and deduct the number rolled from your STAMINA score. If you are still alive, turn to 254.

The roll yielded a 5, so Dirk McMurderhobo takes 5 damage.

254

You groan with pain and try to stand up. Looking up to see how far you have fallen, you are dismayed to see two ugly faces staring down at you. A rope is thrown down to you and you are ordered to throw your sword up to the GOBLINS before climbing up the rope. You are trapped in the pit and reluctantly comply with their orders. As you are about to climb, you notice that both the Goblins are holding the rope. If you wish to climb up, turn to 276. If you wish to pull hard on the rope in an attempt to pull them down into the pit, turn to 314.

Please make your votes before 9:00 AM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

Adventure Sheet:

Dirk McMurderhobo
SKILL: 12 Initial Skill = 12
STAMINA: 11 Initial Stamina = 18
LUCK: 9 Initial Luck = 11
EQUIPMENT LIST:
Leather Armor
Backpack
War-hammer
Spear
GOLD: 0
JEWELS: None
POTIONS:
Potion of Strength (one measure)
PROVISIONS REMAINING: 8

[Queen of Swords]

Pull them down into the pit.

[Thaluikhain]

Ouch, and pull them down.

[JourneymanN00b]

Votes registered, Dirk McMurderhobo pulls hard on the rope in an attempt to pull the Goblins down into the pit.

314

You tug down hard on the rope, hoping that the Goblins are as stupid as they look. Test your Luck. If you are Lucky, turn to 188. If you are Unlucky, turn to 86.

The Luck roll yielded a 5, meaning that Dirk McMurderhobo was Lucky.

188
Neither of the Goblins releases the rope and both tumble headlong into the pit. Only one of the two picks himself up, the other remaining face down on the ice floor. With blood streaming from his nose, the angry Goblin pulls a dagger from his belt and tries to stab you. In the confined space of the pit, you must defend yourself with your bare hands.

GOBLIN SKILL 5 STAMINA 4

During each round of combat, you must reduce your Attack Strength by 3 as you are without your sword. If you win, turn to 366.

The fight:

Round 1: Goblin Attack Strength: 12, Player Attack Strength: 12;
Goblin Stamina: 4, Player Stamina: 11
Round 2: Goblin Attack Strength: 13, Player Attack Strength: 14;
Goblin Stamina: 2, Player Stamina: 11
Round 3: Goblin Attack Strength: 10, Player Attack Strength: 20;
Goblin Stamina: 0, Player Stamina: 11

Dirk McMurderhobo kills the Goblin without taking a hit. Just shows how badass he is, even without his sword.

366
You search through the clothing of the Goblins and find some salted fish, a candle and 2 Gold Pieces, which you decide to keep. Both Goblins are wearing metal collars round their necks which you cannot remove. Taking the dagger from the Goblin you slew, you cut hand- and toe-holds into the side of the pit and haul yourself up. Picking up your sword, you decide which way to head, wondering if there are any more traps further down the tunnel. If you wish to continue down it, turn to 88. If you would rather walk back to where the tunnel forked and turn left along the other branch, turn to 29.

Please make your votes before 6:00 PM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

Adventure Sheet:

Dirk McMurderhobo
SKILL: 12 Initial Skill = 12
STAMINA: 11 Initial Stamina = 18
LUCK: 8 Initial Luck = 11
EQUIPMENT LIST:
Leather Armor
Backpack
War-hammer
Spear
Salted fish
Candle
Dagger
Sword
GOLD: 2
JEWELS: None
POTIONS:
Potion of Strength (one measure)
PROVISIONS REMAINING: 8

[Beroli]

Walk back to the fork and take the other branch.

[JourneymanN00b]

Vote registered, Dirk McMurderhobo is walking back to where the tunnel forked and is turning left along the other branch.

29

You are soon back at the fork and you turn left into the other branch of the tunnel (turn to 106).

106

Further ahead, in the left-hand wall of the tunnel, you see a gap. You walk up to it and peer round to see a cave in which a NEANDERTHAL is stripping the skin off a moose making it ready for the large simmering stew-pot behind him. He is working very slowly and is being yelled at by the GNOME cook who is wearing a white apron and waving a wooden spoon in the air. If you wish to enter the crude kitchen, turn to 95. If you would rather creep past the entrance, turn to 267.

Please make your votes before 9:00 AM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

[Beroli]

Enter the kitchen.

[Darth Rabbitt]

Kitchen probably has more provisions, so gobble a meal down and then go in to the kitchen. Worst case scenario Dirk just kicks some Travelocity gnome and Geico caveman ass.

[Queen of Swords]

Yes, let's go into the kitchen.

[Thaluikhain]

Enter, hopefully to start a revolution to free the Neanderthals from the Gnomes.

[JourneymanN00b]

Votes recorded, Dirk McMurderhobo is entering the crude kitchen.

95

The Gnome runs up to you and shouts, ‘Get out, dinner will not be ready for another two hours. You’ll hear the bell. Mind you, you look a little worse for wear, so you can have this stale cake if you wish.’ The Gnome points at a piece of cake lying on the table. If you wish to take the cake and leave, turn to 290. If you would rather attack the Snow Witch’s servants, turn to 187.

Please make your votes before 6:00 PM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

[Beroli]

Take the cake and leave.

[JourneymanN00b]

Vote recognized, Dirk McMurderhobo is taking the cake and leaving.

290

You leave the cave and turn left, back into the tunnel, eating the cake as you go. It is stale and virtually tasteless, but gives you a little energy. Add 1 STAMINA point. Turn to 198.

198

In the distance you hear chanting voices; before long the tunnel ends at the entrance to a large cavern. Kneeling down before an ice effigy in the shape of a demon, their hooded faces pressed to the ice floor in worship, are ten of the Snow Witch’s followers. There are two exits from the cave, one to your left and one to your right. If you are wearing a cloak, turn to 384. If you are not wearing a cloak, turn to 260.

Dirk McMurderhobo is NOT wearing a cloak.

260

You breathe in deeply and walk casually through the cavern towards the tunnel to your right (turn to 370).

370
You are almost to the entrance to the tunnel when the worshippers stop their chanting. They stand up and one of them calls out to you asking why you did not stop to sing the praises of the Frozen One. If you have a magic flute, you can tell them that you have been ordered to go and play it for the Snow Witch (turn to 31). Otherwise you may either fight them (turn to 143), or try to run for the tunnel (turn to 33).

Dirk McMurderhobo does NOT have a magic flute, so the only choice is to fight or run. Also, I missed a previous request to eat a provision. Does anyone want to second the eating request? Please make your votes for these decisions before 9:00 AM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

Adventure Sheet:

Dirk McMurderhobo
SKILL: 12 Initial Skill = 12
STAMINA: 12 Initial Stamina = 18
LUCK: 8 Initial Luck = 11
EQUIPMENT LIST:
Leather Armor
Backpack
War-hammer
Spear
Salted fish
Candle
Dagger
Sword
GOLD: 2
JEWELS: None
POTIONS:
Potion of Strength (one measure)
PROVISIONS REMAINING: 8

[Queen of Swords]

Yes, a stamina boost would be a good idea. I also vote for running, given that there are ten worshippers.

[Thaluikhain]

Run away while eating.

[Darth Rabbitt]

Fighting 10 guys is a death sentence in Fighting Fantasy books. Dine and dash.

[JourneymanN00b]

Votes registered, Dirk McMurderhobo will eat one provision and try to run for the tunnel.

33

The followers are a group of Goblins, Orcs and Neanderthals. As you make a run for it, the two creatures who are nearest try to stop you. One cracks his whip, trying to wrap it round your legs, while the other aims a dart at you. Test your Luck. If you are Lucky, turn to 226. If you are Unlucky, turn to 340.

The Luck roll yielded a 12, meaning that Dirk McMurderhobo was Unlucky.

340
If the number you rolled was odd, the dart misses you but the whip curls itself around your left ankle, sending you crashing to the floor (turn to 108). If the number you rolled was even, the whip misses you but the dart plunges into your arm. Lose 3 STAMINA points. If you are still able to run, turn to 177.

Since the unlucky roll was 12, Dirk McMurderhobo takes 3 damage from the dart that hit him.

177
Pulling the dart from your arm, you flee from the followers and run into the tunnel (turn to 137).

137
The tunnel ends quite soon at a T-junction. To your left you can hear cries for help. If you wish to turn left, turn to 311. If you wish to turn right, turn to 125.

Here we go, another choice to embrace either communism or fascism. Please make your votes before 6:00 PM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

Adventure Sheet:

Dirk McMurderhobo
SKILL: 12 Initial Skill = 12
STAMINA: 13 Initial Stamina = 18
LUCK: 7 Initial Luck = 11
EQUIPMENT LIST:
Leather Armor
Backpack
War-hammer
Spear
Salted fish
Candle
Dagger
Sword
GOLD: 2
JEWELS: None
POTIONS:
Potion of Strength (one measure)
PROVISIONS REMAINING: 7

[Omegonthesane]

The people in the left passage cry out for communism. Answer their call.

[JourneymanN00b]

Votes registered, Dirk McMurderhobo turns left and answers the call for communism.

311

The tunnel ends at the edge of a pit, out of which a Dwarf is trying to climb, but he keeps on slipping back. The floor of the pit is covered with large ice boulders which have crashed down from a shaft above the pit. One lands on the Dwarf’s shoulders and you hear wild cheers from the top of the shaft as he tumbles on to the floor. The Dwarf sees you and shouts, ‘Curse you, stranger, if you do not aid me. I see that you are not wearing a collar.’ If you wish to help the Dwarf out of the pit, turn to 376. If you would rather ignore his pleas and walk back to the junction, turn to 57.

Please make your votes before 9:00 AM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

[Thaluikhain]

Help, obviously.

[Darth Rabbitt]

Help him out.

[Queen of Swords]

Yes, let's help.

[Beroli]

Help the belligerent dwarf.

[JourneymanN00b]

Votes registered, Dirk McMurderhobo helps the Dwarf out of the pit.

376
You lie down and lean over the edge of the pit, and tell the Dwarf to grab your arm. Much to the annoyance of the spectators above, the Dwarf escapes from the pit. You run together back to the junction where the Dwarf turns right. You tell the Dwarf that you intend to carry straight on to find the Snow Witch, as turning right will lead you back to the hall of worship. The Dwarf tells you that he must escape quickly and return to his village now that he is free. He thanks you for helping him and hands you a leather bag, then runs off; but before he disappears, he turns and shouts, ‘Beware the White Rat.’ You open the leather bag and find a sling and three iron balls. You pack them away and set off along the tunnel (turn to 125).

125

The tunnel through the glacier soon leads into the mountainside itself and the walls change from ice to bare rock. You enter a large cavern which has three other exits leading from it; one to your left, one to your right and the main one, carved as a giant skull, lying directly opposite. As you enter, an ugly robed man steps out of the mouth of the skull, holding a glass prism in his outstretched hands. He commands you to turn back as only the Snow Witch’s personal servants are allowed inside the mountain. If you have a magic flute you may wish to tell him that you have been asked to come and play it for the Snow Witch (turn to 299); or you may attack him with your sword (turn to 156).

Dirk McMurderhobo does NOT have a magic flute, so he is forced to attack the robed man.

156
The ugly man sneers as you draw your sword; he rubs the prism, and suddenly three identical images of himself appear. They walk towards you, each one has a dagger raised in his right hand. Two of the images must be illusions, but which will you strike with your sword? Will you:

Strike the man to your left? Turn to 99
Strike the man in the middle? Turn to 307
Strike the man to your right? Turn to 232

Please make your votes before 6:00 PM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

Adventure Sheet:

Dirk McMurderhobo
SKILL: 12 Initial Skill = 12
STAMINA: 13 Initial Stamina = 18
LUCK: 7 Initial Luck = 11
EQUIPMENT LIST:
Leather Armor
Backpack
War-hammer
Spear
Salted Fish
Candle
Dagger
Sword
Leather Bag
Sling
3 Iron Balls
GOLD: 2
JEWELS: None
POTIONS:
Potion of Strength (one measure)
PROVISIONS REMAINING: 7

[Beroli]

Hm. I'm going to say...

The right one.