I Bagsies a Demon City review

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

IMPORTANT OFFICIAL NOTICE OF INTENT
Of whatever limited number of thread slots are available for a review of a definitely for real RPG there happen to be I call bagsies on doing one for this RPG once it definitely for real materializes and also maybe before that which it officially claimed 2 months ago it would um. This month? Also in prior months. For maybe 3 or 4ish years now.

So anyway. Remember that e20 review I did/promised to do? Because TGDMB/Google doesn't seem to. That one was spurred by SAGA/D20modern fans presenting a defense of their favorite d20ish games by instead presenting a game that didn't exist yet, and doesn't exist even now as the ideal of the games they couldn't even defend at the time. And all I had to review was a laughably bad sample document some of them had presented as a fully playable game?

Remember how I said my Saga edition review was instead of that. Well forget that, I never said it, following the tactical stylings of my surprising new secret mentor I will fucking sue you to prove you are wrong and I am perfect and my dad will probably beat up your dad in a fight if you keep remembering that. My Demon City review is definitely the thing I am doing to substitute for my e20 review and it always has been any month now and also into the past since before I decided that.

Well this time because of an off hand link to an old Zak S thread led me to a search that led me to an off site thread about Zak S that some tgdmb guys may have commented on led met to associate the words "Zak S" and "Kickstarter" which of course led me to just for no reason definitely not related to known patterns of behavior led me to add the word "Scam" and do a google search.

And I discovered Demon City was a thing and is like three or four years late and that Zak S has been going around demanding paying customers critical of the game release always being in the very near future for 4ish years should sign affidavits metaphorically promising to kiss his balls when he totally turns out not to be lying about deadlines he has promised to meet that have already passed or some such thing.

Which is kinda sad because I'm pretty sure I COULD have just discovered this a long time ago by just paying closer attention to every single post in the MPSIMS ZakS thread.

Anyway. I never got to do a real review of e20, because only a tiny amount of sample material ever really existed.

But Demon City? It's totally definitely going to be out like MAXIMUM tomorrow! Well they just said "production ready PDF" but I mean...that means they at least they will release to the pdf tier customers right. They wouldn't I don't know. Just say production ready doesn't mean digital customer ready, or otherwise just do nothing an release yet another "update" about how very nearly ready this thing is yet again right?

And god damn does it look like promising review material. I mean considering the "main" writer's known talents and how I don't know 3-4 years of failed kickstarter promises DEFINITELY bodes well for the final result.

So I am definitely doing a review. I'm sure I will be able to start it by Monday at the latest since you know, it's going to be out tomorrow. (Hell if it IS out tomorrow, fuck it, I'll actually pay for it so I can review it. THAT'S how confident I am that this WILL be out tomorrow).

So BAGSIES A REVIEW SLOT, I mean, if there is more than one available review slot for it other people can review it too. I'm not sure how the queue usually works, I'm pretty sure normally Libertad must just spam bagsies on everything no matter how unimaginably uninteresting, so I'm putting this one out there to make sure I get a go with this one.

Anyway. In the mean time I think I'm going to TRY to review the limited sample materials available.

Which means mostly bad art, titles and maybe tiny fragments of text I can somehow decipher. Which is an even MORE exciting type of incomplete sample than the one from e20 that people TOTALLY were playing instead of d20modern/SAGA edition years ago. I mean I can just point at C.A.T.P.A.C.K. and go ARE YOU SEEING THIS TOO? HAVE MY EYES GONE INSANE?

So I'm going to do some sample review of some sample material right now. Or maybe starting as soon as I get around to it. DEFINITELY by the end of a month in the near but slightly deniable future. Since I have now learned something from the authors already YOU will have to all sign affidavits to defend me from all my internet enemies in all my past present and future adventures in order to read it, but I'll just trust you guys to do that and keep a hand written copy at home while savagely calling everyone including each other liars who are just out to get me on my behalf.

I mean it's going to be a waste of time trying to read deliberately unreadable sample images of a real product definitely releasing in either the very near future if not several times in the past already. But you know. Just in case in the sheer rush by millions to download the very real thing there are server issues or something else definitely unexpected.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

OCR can bite me
So. First thing. Unrelated aside. By means of causing pain to my eyes I am apparently better able to read low res high compression JPG text than most Optical Character Recognition software I can find with minimal effort. THIS IS DEFINITELY UNRELATED TO MY CURRENT ACTIVITY.

But maybe the modern type OCR AI's know something terrible that I do not yet know!

As of me discovering this, 69 kickstarter updates, no really. 69. No I am not kidding.
Theoretically this matters since they trickle out unreadable pages of tiny text to prove that totally this thing will be out next week since the dawn of whatever numbers are before 69. But for starters lets just ignore this and look at the kickstarter pitch itself.

The secret module
Comments section seems to suggest a 30 page "trial" module was separately promised to already exist in order to "test if the rules can be referred to" and was promised to a select few backers who um, beg real nice or something for it.

I might be going out on a limb here. But I think that despite this thing definitely being definitely real and also definitely not just a dead end of WTF references to vaporware, I'm going to for some reason very likely not personally be able to obtain a definitely real copy of a thing that definitely proves it refers to definitely already long since complete rules.

So on to the kickstarter pitch itself. This time for sure, coming soon under one of these headings definitely before the end of September.

What is "Demon City"
Demon city is a comic/anime/live action movie about 2 men who look confusingly alike and 2 women that look confusingly alike in a story that makes no fucking sense and includes another man having graphic sex with a definitely female demonic pinball machine.

No wait. That MIGHT just be something with the same name that is probably unrelated... but lets be honest, not outside of the ballpark of possibilities considering. We will surely find out soon. When any month now we get to the actual kickstarter pitch bit.

Also this guy, his dog was sick, and he is sad now
In a VERY GOOD SIGN update 69 was about the guy who is somehow putting this together despite not being the lead writer or artist or copy reader or editor but is doing at least some of those last two things suddenly but not in a bad way or a way that detracts from this entirely being a project by Zak S and also some of his friends at least some of whom I've seen mentions of being involved in publically denouncing him in public.

Anyway, he just wants you to know his elderly dog died, which made him and his wife sad. Which has impacted the project, which might be an excuse for why it wasn't ready already after being nearly ready since any given previous update. But also they actually haven't completed a bunch of work which he handed off to Zak S who also has handed him some work which looks suspiciously like the same remaining work only described very slightly differently. But also it will definitely be ready by the end of the month we, now in the future since post 69, are at the end of.

E20 has already taught me that when there are lots of delays on a project that was always days away from completion for a long time and then the key creator/kickstarter guy starts talking about a depression issue making it hard to just get the energy to get things done that is ONLY a good sign.

I meanwhile have the cutest dog in the fucking world and she stubbornly remains healthy and weirdly offended at being asked questions, me and my wife are not depressed so I have no excuse and will be getting to that kickstarter pitch bit with the year at the latest.

The Actual Pitchstarter Kick
Some raw but now stale meat

Finally we were definitely already here ages ago and aren't just winging it still. I tried asking my dog and she agrees by means of an oddly disapproving and shocked facial expression.

Demon City is...

A modern horror RPG written by Zak Smith and filled with his evocative artwork.

...

Created by Mike (wrathofzombie) Evans

That's a good sign.

What is less of a good sign is the actual title image.

The text says "DEMON" in what looks like the worst of all available 1970's disco fonts. Then it gets bored and says "City" in what looks like one of the many times new roman clones no one cares for. All in white for not super great contrast on a background that is over lit and has fake lensflare on some disco letters that somehow looks like a featureless round kinda pinkish rock if it also had really bad skin.

Just PULLING me into to the moment there. Really setting the Times New Roman but 70s disco rocks with bad skin mood. Titles just really are that important for these projects, nice to see this was really exploited to the maximum here.

Anyway.

Summary
It jumps right into a section titled "Summary"

Which is odd. Because the thing which appears immediately after that is an image of a two page spread that I would describe as "A random as shit sample" rather than a Summary.

This also hilariously means that the heading of that spread is the first text to appear after the title "Summary" and reads... "Those Who Dwell in Tears and Disputation". We could stop right there. And arguable with this sort of ON THE FUCKING POINT messaging decisions many probably did. In the mean time I could not make this up and I haven't even gotten to any real content yet.

What we get instead of a summary
So. What is the image from the two page spread that is the first image singe the title, the first real image, the first choice they made to sell this thing?

Its a bleak slightly surreal picture of regular is messy and overcrowded living room with a grey listless women in her underwear just looking off screen in what only rifftrax could describe as "Dull Surprise" while a creepy ghost that honestly looks a bit like Zak S is unknowingly way up in her personal space and if you try and figure out what it is even doing with it's not remotely comprehensible posture is probably jerking off back there.

Anyway. The 2 page spread is a monster entry. For it seems the already mentioned very snappily titled "Those Who Dwell in Tears And Disputation" I'm assuming that it refers to both characters and that they are a couple in an abusive relationship. No one working through any issues there.

Highlights of the description? Well its some sort of boring parasite demon, fueled by all the things that lead to the darkside, then some attempted poetic language that mostly just proves the author has weird ideas about how to use the word Irony. And also other longer words that seemed like they would be fun to add.

Top rated bit? The bit that says they have true names that require every language that ever existed and are 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (your number of zeros may vary like I could be bothered counting it's obviously fucking stupid) but then gives an example about 7 characters long with standard English letters and the most exotic bit being a stand alone apostrophe.

Come on man up and give at least one example probably longer than the sum total of all human texts, YOU set the standard god dammit!

Stat block is... interesting for reasons we will touch on later. For now lets just notice that the stats are all just a number. Except one that says "1-9" and has a blue dot. That looks promising.

Then there are some tiny abilities in the stat block I can barely make out. But I can make out well enough to decide they are NOT the same abilities that are actually described in the Special Abilities and Weaknesses column that takes up a full third of a page and look over complex and frankly far too much. And at least 3 of them look like they might as well have been titled "Creepy touching that makes your players feel uncomfortable if you describe it".

Our first actual intended text after summary.
Is a paragraph of FUCKING NONSENSE. It's just unrelated things, separated by commas. Those things include broken men, disorder, neon and whiskey.

But not the word and, or any kind of getting to the point. That's too mainstream. Hip kids on the street get the vibe of devoured corpses having car chases while drunk on whiskey and move the fuck on to the next paragraph.

Then the city is named. It's Rome, Tokyo, Los Angeles, Anywhere... um. Look I SAW the movie with pinball sex I THINK that was meant to be Tokyo. But honestly it makes a point that where ever it is it's falling apart. So I'm going to say Detroit. Apparently everything is bad an bleak and everyone is tired and sad, so probably a lot of elderly dogs just passed away and wow is that effecting kickstarter deadlines.

Oh god. NO NO a fucking sentence that doesn't even parse properly. WHY? OK. So here is the offending bit.

and Demon City players can play anyone doesn’t want it to happen again.

For FUCK SAKE this is trying to sell a product, it's been up since 2018. These things can be edited right? If not you couldn't have had a few English speakers proof read it?

What will you find in Demon City
Reuse of the terrible title fonts only the bad skin rock now looks more than ever like a testicle that underwent something at a beauty shop that you could probably sue them for.

And a two page spread monster entry for lyncanthrope that wastes almost all it's description space on a 2/3rds size lunar cycle diagram with no less than 8 separate entries that seem to effect fluff and rules and are I'm gonna say... too long. Also now the stats have MORE DOTS NEXT TO THEM. But they are ORANGE now!

This leads me to a few realizations.

These dots are actually asterisks and always have been. OK... but now I realise wait, the reason they are different colors is because the stat block AND the page background AND the text is ALL a different colour to the monster entry. And NOW the background for the whole fucking 2 page spread is suddenly full BLACK. Fucking hell. The god damn ink. I'm assuming this is to punish customers who try and get one over by only buying the PDF and printing it at home. SUCKERS!

Oh and the lycanthrope are is two naked women (well OK one of them is maybe androgynous, or badly drawn, or both) just sort of lounging around looking depressed and not making eye contact once again in a messy bleak trash filled apartment. Also the androgynous one (not the one that behind that which requires a second look to even see) is sitting on a badly drawn step ladder, or rather on empty space partly behind that with only the feet on the top of step ladder in a way that cannot support that weight and also looks a bit like they are trying to shit in a basket which sort of looks like it is underneath them but is actually definitely not because the basic fucking perspective is broken and it looks a bit like the step ladder AND the androgynous character were cut and pasted in from two other separate pictures, in which the basic perspective is ALSO broken only all in different way to how it is broken in the underlying background picture.

Then we get some actual fucking summary text that might mean things finally
It STARTS with "Gorgeous Art By Zak Smith".

YOU SHOWED US THIS ART ALREADY. We had trashy badly drawn apartments with trashy badly drawn nudey girls maybe. WTF? That was the BEST you had? The top Two? Good enough you called it a day and asserted the presence of gorgeous art without any fucking direct examples linked to that bullet point?

OK.

It continues.

"Five Classes". Fucking wow. "(Motives) that are written with the horror framework in mind". OK then. it's claiming something, and it has a link this time... to the D&D with porn stars blog with a over 18s content click through in your face. FFS. This is NOT how you advertise or provide information on your horror game project. Just WHY?

OK. So I went a looked anyway. And now I realize that I am sad and lacking energy and its time for me to sleep now. MORE LATER.

Dog. Get over here. It's time for bed time cuddles and humanizing me to avoid criticism. Don't give me that face...

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

So About that dog
See she needs all her friends to cuddle her and tell her she is a good girl before bed time or she starts to get anxious and depressed gradually freaking out over time. Note, she is supposed to be an emotional support animal for someone other than herself. Not that she is trained for that. One of the only things she seems to have become accidentally conditioned for is to be mildly racist towards Asian women. Which is a perplexing inconvenience to everyone involved.

But having woken up early with an ear ache I'm back to continue. The game isn't out yet proper, that's probably just because I'm one day in the future here, but I'm sure before the end of the day in the USA it will be out. Sadly for now I still only have the promotional materials...

Lets jump straight to CATPACK
I think I need to cover this now. For two reasons.

Right. So the title headings have a bad font and a bad background and do NOT pop. The artwork has terrible colour selection, bad composition, and routinely depicts messy shit such that is is a blur and the art does NOT pop.

So you scroll down the kickstarter and nothing god damn pops. UNTIL, the sample 2 page spread for "Characteristics". Which remains undescribed and not referred to at all by surrounding, or any, text in the kickstarter page.

But it does scream out at you the acronym C.A.T.P.A.C.K. which is of course the first letter of each "Characteristic" in order. "Characteristics being, apparently, what we might more commonly refer to as base attributes.

They are,
Calm The games sanity stat. You can seemingly permanently deplete it. It is described in the way a jittering coke addict would describe it, opening with "Cool, Chill, Self-Control" as a standalone sentence subtitle with no full stop in italics. Did I mention 2 thirds of this two page spread has a plain black background again. Fuck those at home printing guys am I rite? Anyway Calm has another major issue we will get to in a moment.

Agility I mean whatever, pretty sure there is some creepfest wording in there but a can't make it out clearly enough. So run of the mill agility + dexterity conflation. All the cool kids do it.

Toughness Which is both Strength and Health. Blah blah...

Perception OK, this is getting dull.

Appeal AND THERE WE ARE, sure fine we want at least one social stat, but we get only clearly definite social stat and it isn't "Social" or "Charisma" or "Manipulation" or a thousand other things it's a god damn stat for how sexy you are. It opens it's description as being "Over all charm, due to appearance, [unreadable], or both" And then sort of back tracks saying the player can decide how much it represents being "Good Looking" compared to... "Charm". Which undermines the thing were actually it was goodlooking vs [unreadable] compiled to be charm and fuck it charm is just another variation of sexy so its "decide how charmingly sexy you are by the contributing factors of good looking sexy and [unreadable] sexy which is also sometimes charmingly sexy".

It tells you what you use it for and opens with Seduction. Now I'm okay with seduction being on the list of your social possibilities. But this is supposed to be "The Ultimate Horror RPG" focusing on action and horror. Seduction is NOT first on the fucking list. The list should not exist under a stat directly representing how sexy you are. Lying, the second on the list, should not be determined by how sexy you are. But. You know. It's a Creepfest.

Cash Immediately this attribute is described as "How Much Money You Have" followed by other text saying something along the lines of it NOT being just how much money you have. Followed by more lines about Cash checks representing an immunity to dying in the poorhouse. Lets just tick a box for "failed currency system stupider than d20Modern" right next to the box of "Should not be a fucking base attribute"

Knowledge It describes it as "how much useful Knowledge you have" which is just using a word to describe itself, but OK, clarify at all? "...inside your head" Oh. OK, so not how much knowledge I keep in my ass then. Blurry text goes on to tell you it ISN'T logic and deduction which players must figure out themselves without base attribute support and then starts talking about a tall building for fuck knows what reason.

CATPACK as an acronym. Is a fucking stupid gimmick. I mean way to go dunce, CATPACK really in theme with your whole urban horror, Cthulhu on sedatives thing.

The Most Important thing about CATPACK is infact... RATPACK!
So spoilers, I have seen update 69. It includes a smaller blurrier page about character generation.

CATPACK seems to have been replaced with RATPACK.

I do not know it they MOVED Calm to replace Cash then added... R... or if they renamed Calm to... R (Rationality? Rationalization? Rats, Rats, Rats Everywhere?).

Now this is a problem. CATPACK was the most prominent feature of the kickstarter pitch. It is STILL THERE. It's in a lot of the other sample material, and is still there. But. Now its different.

What high bar required a late change that somehow hasn't filtered through the rest of the material?

Well it can't be that CATPACK is just fucking stupid. Because RATPACK is as stupid or worse since it is now a fucking Frank Sinatra thing.

So if it isn't a sudden toxic case of Sinatra fandom it's probably because SOMEONE fucking noticed that in a system where they decided the first letter of each base attribute is important THEY HAD TWO WITH THE SAME FIRST LETTER. And fuck it, RATPACK is just fine it was only a dumbass gimmick anyway.


Now maybe Zak or Mike noticed themselves. I prefer to imagine differently. I prefer to believe it needed to be brought to their attention in the comments by a kick starter rando. Come on. You know it's true. It probably took 3 years of comment wars and might be the sole greatest contributing factor towards this thing running so late on delivery.

But. I mean. It cannot be the two with the same letter thing right? BECAUSE THEY STILL HAVE TWO WITH THE SAME LETTER. Because Agility and Appeal? Was Appeal just TOO GOOD TO LOSE. Was they value of the acronym gimmick just THAT high, and could only work with sufficient vowels and couldn't accommodate any further changes? What is even happening here?

Anyway, just getting that out of the way up front so you know all future references to CATPACK are wrong, and that all future references to Calm are in fact references to R-Rated, or something.

The Section CATPACK appears in
I just want to highlight this. The CATPACK characteristics two page spread is the first thing to appear in a section that has the pink scrotum title of "A GREAT BOOK for horror RPG fans" (capitalization is not mine, that's from the source).

So it titles up how it is a great book for horror RPG fans, just dumps the whole CATPACK mess in our lap then has ONE paragraph of text. Which talks about it being full of great ideas and evocative art (show us, I dare you). And then it claims it is somehow unique but also is intended to run stories ranging from "True Detective" to "Night of the living dead". Is it me or should uniqueness be about something other than emulating familiar titles? Nah, I'm probably just low on Rabbit characteristic.

Back to the Summary
but still not in order
So lets cover some things in order of priority rather than in order of whatever the fuck order the creators drew out of the crazy hat.

The basic mechanics is fucking Tarot cards
So. Remember when Dean had that idea on here of using Tarot cards that ultimately were not in fact Tarot cards. Guess who shares THAT bit of genius. Demon City claims it has an "innovative" system of using tarot cards instead of dice. But then makes a point that you CAN still use dice because a "dice hack" is included.

What else do we know? Well. We get another two page spread of the actual Tarot Cards.

A few things stand out.

Are these meant to be printable? The whole fucking thing has black background again!

These are only Tarot cards in that they have tarot card titles. And also text I will NOT be trying to read. Otherwise they are just black backgrounds with neon borders in different colours by suit. AND NO GOD DAMN ART.

Lets just focus on that. In a game by a self proclaimed artist that claims as it's first priority that it is full of his gorgeous art, that CENTERS its CORE mechanic around a Tarot deck. It is a text only Tarot deck! Those fucking losers... holy shit.

Oh. And it doesn't actual describe how this is actually going to function. Maybe its on the tiny unreadable text. Later on we stumble across some aspects of how it works for character generation. I don't know yet if its base roll mechanic is ever explained or not.

Oh and...yeah again is this meant to be printable? Because again. Looking at this two page spread... these are not actually two page spreads, not A4 anyway. Or anything close.

... what SHAPE is this final product supposed to be...

Quick and Easy Combat rules
No links no elaboration, they just lead to tense action, chaos and desperation. It's probably the "unique" idea of draw card add number highest wins, but the designer does have a history of wildly exceeding even the lowest expectations so maybe everyone impersonates gambit from the X-men and throws cards at the GM until someone loses an eye.

In-depth nuts-and-bolts rules and advice about how to construct horror scenarios
That ones bound to be full of high quality stuff don't you just know it. But not as much as...

Guidance on everything from how to make a game truly frightening to when you need maps to how to do a scary voice.
Which IS somehow a separate point. And god damn it we know the real star material of this product is going to be the scary voice guidance, Zak S telling us how to make a game truly frightening coming in close third after he covers "Maps, but when?"

Unique rules on handling investigation and horror.
OK so investigation and horror are both separate links to his horrible blog so NOW we have some actual content to cover. Enough content to require a post break. The dog is still in bed so I cannot call her over for to be a humanizing shield this time. So um, I'm within 100 meters of like 20 baby lambs. I'm surrounded by baby lambs, if my projects come in late THERE ARE BABY LAMBS.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

The investigation of horror and investigation with horrific investigation of investigative horror
This single 7 word point in the summary "Unique rules on handling investigation and horror" is a rabbit hole of recursive self referencing.

Lets start less with the content and more with the links.

If you follow the investigation link to an, ugh, D&D with porn stars blog post. You get "Investigation as a Dungeon" which, look content later but how fucking stupid, anyway.

It immediately links you to another post about "Hunter/Hunted" in order to explain that "Investigation as a Dungeon" (which lets remember is the sample of unique RULES about investigation that the kickstarter is spruiking) is in fact a concept that is in between the "Hunter/Hunted" blog post and " the idea of the criminal conspiracy organizational charts cops use--(which Ken Hite calls a "conspiramid" in Night's Black Agents. This is a step or two more complex and concrete.)"

This is a good point to stop and note that Zak S seems disturbingly obsessed with things "cops do" and name dropping other authors and fiction even at the cost of wasting word count introducing something worthless like "conspiramid" without even committing to it. But then of course claiming the thing he is actually doing is different and even more awesome.

Whatever JUST THE LINKS. So it STARTS by telling you it is like, link to Hunter/Hunted. It then FINISHES by telling you that if you want to know more about this thing... link to... Hunter/Hunted!

Then it goes on about an example that tells us nothing and only raises further questions. At the end of which it links to Demon City... not the kickstarter but another interminable blog post, and better yet also Demon City... not the kickstarter but instead the Patreon.

A patreon that does not mention Demon City at all but seems to be a means of funding Zak S to produce random unrelated RPG trash every, well I'm not sure how often as he doesn't seem to be funded to the level of producing 1 page a month at the moment. There is also some random junk he has created LETS NOT GET DISTRACTED.

Back on track, the second link back at the kickstarter...
Is "Horror".

This of course links to a blog entry on his dumb god damn blog.

It links to Hunter/Hunted. BUT WAIT. it is different it is "Hunter/Hunted... IN DEMON CITY".

BUT WAIT actually its not so different because it seems to be about 80% plus just a zero effort cut and paste of the other Hunter/Hunted post

So before we get to details on the content.

We were promised unique RULES handling INVESTIGATION and HORROR. Investigation links to a poorly explained methodology that could at best be described as gimmicky guidelines to try and create a structured narrative that links TWICE to a post about further guidelines about how to deal with players not following the "correct" clues. Which also kinda directly conflicts with the first blog post that links it.

THEN Horror... instead just links to the thing that was linked from the link that Investigation links to. Only with a seemingly rant about being captured specifically to gain information being bad chopped off the front. It is of course, more about investigation that it is about horror, not that it's much about anything OR EVEN A FUCKING RULE, it IS however definitely part of the same thing the other link SAID was Investigation.

I feel like if I keep FFSing at this sort of stuff it will be FFS all the way down.

Oh and the horror link has some other links too that don't appear in the original version of Hunter/Hunted, lets get to them in the content.

The Content of Investigation and Horror Links
Lets start with the Horror link to "Hunter/Hunted" ... 'In Demon City"

It has a small (new) ramble about how weak other games/designers are because when players do not find clues it is a "minor apocalypse". I am... not sure other published horror/investigation games DO actually do that... I know lots of bad GMs have a divide by zero error when asked about that on the internet but I really don't think even that many of them in actual play don't just have something else happen so I think maybe Zak S is just redirecting some bile here.

And he calls call of cthulhu and other games... "of that ilk". So... demon city is definitely not going to be "of the ilk" of Call of Cthulhu and other extant horror investigation games, being definitely superior enough to call them ilk by comparison. No hubris here!

This front bit replaces the front bit in the OTHER version of the "Hunter/Hunted" blog post that was instead a rambling longer nonsense screed about how he is angry about players being imprisoned triggered for no fucking reason by a (for some reason unnamed) other designer talking about imprisoning player characters exclusively in the incredibly niche context of them needing to be imprisoned to get information, and how even in that context it is probably still kinda bad. Which Zak seems to be angry about but basically just non-sequitors into his hunter/hunted diagram nonsense, which is the shared bit of the two versions of Hunter/Hunted post.

Of course the new front section of hunter/hunted cannot be outdone by it's four year older copy paste sources original opening. And links instead to an 8 year older? Rant about railroading which is so fucking long and so fucking nonsense speech that I think it's best regarded as "too far down the rabbit hole" and at this point VERY unrelated to the kickstarter despite appearing as a link in the beginning of the material presented BY the kickstarter and newly rewritten/cut and paste FOR the kickstarter.

Quick summary. Q: Does Zak S like railroading or hate it? A: Zak S cannot identify railroading at all and has nothing of value to say on the topic even to himself.

Oh and then it links AGAIN to the demon city blog post and the patreon account. Only this time in the front of the post instead of the end, which just shows HOW FUCKING LAZY the four year old cut and paste was. He didn't even bother squeezing it in before the post script self promotion.

So the ACTUAL hunter/hunted thing. It FUCKING RAMBLES it takes so fucking long to get to the point, it postures, it presumes, it gloats.

Here is what it actually presents.

If players find the correct clue in a scene they go to the good scene, and approach the big bad (or maybe just an enemy, whatevs)!

If players do NOT find the correct clue in a scene they go to the bad scene, which is really just the good scene again only now its bad because the big bad approaches them (or maybe just an enemy, whatevs)!

This is fucking puerile, highlights are a 3 level 7 part interconnected diagrams with numbers AND letters to identify the parts in an external table of stupid as fuck examples. Or the part where he decides to just say the bad path (described as player characters being "Victims") is probably the one with the most freedom. How about how Scenes where the PCs are victims require the GM to "think like a monster"... whuuuuut? The GM might have to role play a baddy guy in a baddy guy attacks scene? REVOLUTIONARY UNIQUE FUCKING GENIUS THIS NEW INVENTION CHANGES RPGS FOREVER.

Top number one high point? This is all a method to "avoid railroading" and if players complain (sounds like they have) just remind them it's their fucking fault for doing the things they did like not following the correct fucking clue like they should have known to. Probably because they didn't roll the arbitrary number pulled out of your ass on some sort of clue check, something THEY should have known better than and should face the consequences. Which are, remember, meeting a bad guy, a thing that would also have happened anyway.

Before we continue. All else considered This was supposed to be a link to "Unique Rules Handling Horror". It is instead a guideline to GMing Investigation.

That Content on the Investigation link
Now the link from "Investigation" that of course also then links again to a version of the Hunter/Hunted.

Lets start with a reminder, it was SUPPOSED to be a sample of a link to "Unique Rules Handling Investigation" it again. Isn't a link to any rules at all. Aside from also being a link to a link about some investigation GMing guidelines soon to be linked again as unique rules for horror, it has it's own content, which are more guidelines to investigation, or more accurately building a narrative structure, that are also very clearly not fucking rules.

They are also bad guidelines. Conceiving of a narrative for an investigation horror story as a dungeon map is a FUCKING STUPID GIMMICK. It is counter productive, it is dum, it is a waste of time and badly drawn diagrams. But also... those badly drawn diagrams don't even fucking resemble fucking dungeon maps what the fuck are you smoking.

But more to the point when boiled down to meaningful content all it presents is a multi-track railroad. There is SOME choice (but it's unclear how much because the diagrams and explanations as painfully extensive as they are clarify NOTHING about changing which track you are on). And have utterly infantile assumptions about the predictable linearity of scenes that the PCs could access.

Top highlight? The bit where some corners were turned into boxes for bad guys that attack. All of which were labelled just "Attack" and then put symmetrically such that they were adjacent to multiple scenes and that scenes with attacks were adjacent to multiple attacks, not that the adjacency in general made any sense anyway.

But the best bit OF that highlight was the bit where the attack is supposed to happen "to get the game moving" if player characters got bogged down in a scene failing to make progress.

So when your players are like "Can't figure this one out. We are bogged down, we will never save the town in time OR finish the game in time for desert!" and you say to them "Well. Five crocodiles attack. That should put you right back on track for both fictional and real world timetables".

GENIUS. JUST FUCKING GENIUS. ITS SO GENIUS YOU CAN FEEL IT THROBBING BEHIND YOUR EYES WHILE YOU MASSAGE YOUR FOREHEAD.

More later, but just in case I have moved the lambs so that they are now looking in my window at me while I do this. It's so fucking humanizing I might take YEARS before I deliver the thing you guys paid money for... wait... did I miss a step...

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I just discovered there is a promotional video.

It's only five minutes long.

5 Seconds I made it FIVE SECONDS before face palming.

WARNING!
The first 10 seconds of the video contain a strobe effect.
Anyone prone to seizures might want to skip ahead.

This is the guy SOMEHOW people still defend him as competent at ANYTHING. And somehow good at this stuff specifically.

His fucking PROMOTIONAL KICKSTARTER VIDEO, fucking GIVES PEOPLE SEIZURES.

Oh god I pressed play. Every god damn few seconds, I could have been reviewing THIS. Well. first thing first the fucking strobe effect is just pointless flashing on the pink scrotum rock while Zak basically stutters his self intro into failure and declares do overs.

YOU CAN JUST EDIT THE FUCKING VIDEO. I mean unless the stuttering do over was intentional. FFS.

OK. I will review the video. I will. There is just too much to it to ignore. But god DAMMIT I will at least finish the kickstarter summary section first.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

Oh god. The video has a comment. ONE COMMENT. In 4 years. And somehow only 286 views. The comment is fucking gold.

It simply reads "This is a good video." And only even turned up 10 months ago.

WHY UNIVERSE? WHY DID YOU GIVE THIS TO ME?

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

Back to the Kickstarter
Even if it isn't as awesome as something that might give me seizures

Lets hit the low hanging fruit left in the summary points.

And what book by Zak Smith would be complete without a HUGE section of charts and tables to generate things on the fly.
Show us just one? No? No examples given. I guess technically some of the other randomly placed page samples have some sort of tables in. The "Horde Monster" specifically. But if there is a huge section of charts, show us at least one, ideally when and where you actually suggest it is some sort of selling point. I mean. What if, and I'm just putting this unthinkable idea out there. What if the tables and charts were actually bad ones that are useless or counterproductive? I know, the authors work and also tables and charts, have never been laughably bad before but what if it were to start HERE?

Between sessions is your character at the bar or the library? The innovative downtime system determines how your character improves over time
Any sample material? No. OK. I guess maybe might work. But... innovative? "I Do Thingamabob related activity during down time", "Add increment to your Thingamabob skill for next adventure!", that's not basically the innovation is it? Because, I mean, lets just lie and say it hasn't been done before by everyone since forever, even then I feel like "innovative" is a kinda "bold" way of describing it.

Five classes (Motives) that are written with the horror framework in mind.
And so we are back where we originally abandoned the summary section, the last surviving point on the list. The fact that the game has FIVE whole classes (not a problem but not REMOTELY impressive), the fact that it doesn't want to call them classes (mildly annoying but who cares) and the fact that it claims they are written with the horror framework in mind (well the better fucking have been they are classes in a horror game you dunce).

Anyway. Link to blog rabbit hole probably leading to pain aaaand...

We open with a link to the Demon City blog post. Couldn't get ONE link in without another link. Also a declaration that it has "notes for shawn my graphic designer" still in this material. Uhuh. By which it means I think a whole 2 notes. One a note for the graphic designer to do a deeply unremarkable thing they already did in the sample image preceding it, and the other one of which is a request for a graphic designer to effectively do things that the game designer and I think whoever is doing final layout and page referencing should do. Only that request is extra funny because it is ALL CAPS except for like one lower case p in the middle of the word "PEOpLE" half way through.

It's like a humanizing window into a rarely seen highly professional world that makes the Internets dumbest RPG fans fell like they are part of something they should throw money they somehow acquired at. I mean it's so thorough and casual it couldn't be either fake or alarmingly lazy if real.

Anyway. Then before any other content lets look at the sample pages. Because it opens with one right after the link and the mention of confusing orders to do game design work for a graphic designer.

There are two sample page pieces, and a bunch of bad art (I think at this point with the style and its issues becoming apparent it might just need it's own little "About why the Art is so bad" section later on).

The opening one is basically "The Classes" and the other one is "CATPACK" again (or '"The base attributes only we call them Characteristics"). Before even considering the details, 2 things.

I have already seen alternative versions of both these. Ones, which, at least from a layout and design perspective, are totally different. Also. neither of the CATPACK versions I have seen can be the final ones, since it seems like it is now RATPACK. It also looks like these are in a completely different page size format than the other ones are.

This tells me that a lot of time and work has gone into entirely cosmetic total reworks of the same content several times.

Second thing. YOU CAN READ THESE SAMPLES CLEARLY.

Why?

Why are the samples on the kickstarter trying to sell me things carefully deliberately UNREADABLE but the samples on the blog at the fifth level of hell entirely readable?

Are you paranoid about potential customers taking two pages of your work and running away to use it as a whole game without paying you OR NOT?

Or. And how, HOW does this feel more likely? Do you just put up images in different places with entirely random resolutions and compression rates that render sample material intended to sell something borderline useless in the key places it is most important because wobble finger across lips while going wibblewibblewibble?

OK so...

Motives
The first sample pages is classes. Which is motives, which is THE REASON WE ARE HERE.

We will take this moment to put aside the entire rest of the blog post for later. Because it IS NOT ABOUT CLASSES. It is in fact basically just a big ugly text dump draft of incomplete CHARACTER CREATION rules and some description of "Characteristics".

Because this guy. This fucking guy. Cannot promise to do one thing without IMMEDIATELY fucking delivering something entirely different. Partly due to lack of attention span, but mostly due to not even knowing what the things he name drops even are.

Anyway. MOTIVES.

We get some titles of 5 motives, we get some art. Lets do the titles and art...

Curious Is an obvious asshole wearing GOGGLES and smoking a... cigarillo? With a background so bad that MAYBE a disembodied brain is gently pressing up against the window of a multi story urban building to spy on him, but MAYBE that is not remotely the intention at all?

The Friend Is a girl in an open jacket and some underwear, again. Only she also gets a companion sprawled over her in a groping creepfest way. Also she is obviously meant to be pretty hot, what little she wears is fancy, and she is depicted in a expression of pleasure (though it isn't clear if its pleasant sleep or orgasmic sex). Meanwhile HE looks like a stubbly red eyed homeless man who MIGHT be unconscious and drooling out of his gawping jaw OR might be fingering her with his red rimmed eyes tightly closed.

The Investigator Is an obvious attempt at hawt librarian glasses girl looking mopey and curled up back against a stupid sticky note crime board that is somehow at ground level. Only the shading is so bad especially on her face, that she looks like she might be dead.

The Victim Is all in red, obviously scared, looking off scene, disheveled, and is for some reason part way through taking off a bikini top or bikini bra like item.

The Problem (sounds like a gold mine for critics right there) is a topless woman vomiting out a red door snake. I have seen the larger image elsewhere. It's probably the best I've seen from this project, in the larger shot you see she has panties on and there are more colourful door snakes. I don't THINK they were meant to be door snakes. I'm not sure she is meant to be vomiting then out. Yes its sort of phallic.

Quick round up on misogyny here. Personally in a more general sense, I like the sexy lady pictures. I like them in my role playing books. I do not NEED them in my role playing books. I don't mind them being a BIT gratuitous in various fantasy and fictional settings. But. I don't like them when they are creepy, and I don't mean "horror" creepy I mean "made by a guy everyone quietly tells you never to be in a room alone with" creepy. I also don't like them when the art is just awful.

So in a quick score, out of five for how many of these core character class depictions remind you that this produced by a guy credibly accused by multiple people as an alleged repeat abuser. Minimum four out of five, and seriously? smug cigarillo and goggles guy? AT LEAST 4.5 out of 5. Also on awful art rating... also 4 out of 5, Door snake girl is ALMOST passable in technical terms.

But Mr Lobster, What about the Motives text?
OK. so Motives (Classes) Do things to your Characteristics (Base Attributes) but only sometimes in ways. They give you skills. They determine how your downtime advancement works. They determine how your going insane works. The also do some stuff.

So lets go through the list AGAIN.
Curious - The cigarillo engoggling
Curious characters want to find shit out. In a lot more words than that. So, of course, their mechanical benefits open with a large penalty to surviving Calm checks while finding shit out. BAM That's just how innovative design rolls baby.

They get research and some knowledge skills... yay?

They get back 1 Calm in down time (yeah that IS a very lame amount of calm), but only do so if they gained knowledge about the horror. But remember they have a big fat Calm penalty that definitely loses them Calm when they do try to gain knowledge about horror. No way do they break even.

Then the gold appears. They get an extra "Throw" if the spend their downtime training alone. So A) Downtime training advancement has RNG and B) Yes, they call drawing a Tarot card in place of making a roll a "Throw" so this game and its text has you 'Throwing" all over everything.

The gold however is the addendum to that. The Curious do NOT get an extra training throw when training with a friend. The in says that AGAIN but refers to exactly the same thing as a "Pal throw" (ugh). But, then, DIAMOND, it ends with...

but they do

Genius.

The Curious. Who by definition as a motive already want to know more. When they hit zero calm. Will then... want to know more. Forcing them to make an attempt to know more, which again, they have a large penalty on the Calm check for, pushing them immediately into a high chance of negative calm. Which is, you guessed it, insanity of some as yet unknown form.

The Friend - Really into homeless crackheads
Is a character that is about some other character.

The are REALLY obsessed and dedicated to one other character so much that if the player doesn't turn up they have to pick a different character to be obsessed and dedicated to due to a compulsory requirement written here.

Also if the target of all their love and dedication dies. They also just (and must) pick another one and lose one whole calm point for it. Sure there is no roll but I'm sure there is a cigarillo falling out of mouth and someone shouting "But all I did was read a pamphlet and I lost just as much!"

It goes out of it's way to say parties must include one non-friend. Hopefully they went out of their way to define "Party" as part of their game jargon already or that's just weird. But also if they did combined with the art that just feels like the author A) doesn't comprehend mutual friendship and B)wants to explicitly encourage "Friend" harem parties.

They get a bonus "Throw" but only when specifically protecting their obsession target from physical harm. Weak and conditional yes, but now there are goggles shattering against the wall and someone crying that "You get a BONUS to the thing you do? Why did I get a PENALTY to the thing I do?"

They get a +1 to something and no skills. Because, as you know. Friends don't have skills of their own.

They get an extra throw in down time for doing things with their obsession target, but those things have to be domestic chores "exercise" or for some reason drugs. Since it no longer mentions "Pal thows", that is an EXTRA extra throw. Curious guy is not CRYING IN THE FUCKING CORNER.

They gain 1 Calm in downtime and the only thing they need is for the target of their obsession to be alive and sane. That's right, they do not have to do a thing that loses Calm in order to gain Calm and the bar looks pretty low aside from that. Also they get a explicit not suggesting they can gain even more Calm from other downtime events, something the Curious character did NOT get.

The Curious character has now somehow caught on fire, and is either too weak or too unwilling to put it out.

When the Friend hits zero calm they must try to prevent harm to their obsession target. Remember. That action they get a bonus on and are probably doing anyway. Yeah that one.

The Curious character just whimpers a bit.

The investigator - Someone poke her with a stick to see if she's dead
Is a noir detective. Ew. Or maybe a cop movie cop who gets kicked off the cop force by a tough cop boss for being too much of a tough cop. Ew.

They get three extra skills/contacts.

They get a mild boost to a base attribute IF they were randomly generated only and IF the random generation fell out just right. Now. You pick your class AFTER generating stats IF you use random generation. So...

It takes a LOT of text to explain this so far.

You also have to lower your Cash attribute. IF it was already one of the highest two possible numbers because of random generation only. Again. A thing that happens before you decide to be this class...

Bizarrely for the downtime extra throw... they get one that explicitly rules out the "Pal throw" combining it. But which has generous yet just fascinatingly worded requirements of

Hanging out with their contact and their people alone

Also remember they have up to [Default?]+2 contacts as a starting character. The additional people who are allowed while being alone are somewhat poorly (entirely) undefined, doesn't exclude party members but does exclude the pal throw from party members.

Just to put the boot in on the Curious character, the Investigator gains 1 Calm in downtime for learning more about the horror than they previously knew. WITHOUT having a default in built penalty that loses them additional Calm when learning about the horror. Infact. Without a default in built penalty at all.

They hit zero calm and then have to run away OR act with only one throw. Whut. OK then.

The victim - Taking it off next to something terrifying
Literally defines itself by declaring that yes actually this character is defined by victim hood.

They get the Persuasion skill, with a large bonus, based on Appeal. Yep. The victim is all about that sexy persuasion based on their sexy stat.

They get free information and clues about a terrible crime or event, and bonus throws to find more, about that same terrible crime or event. And a bonus attacking perpetrators of that event.

Then when that event goes away they must pick another one like the friend does NOPE they get just get those bonuses on everything forever.

They are not allowed to have the highest possible starting Calm score. Again. Not a thing anyone choosing this class has unless they use random character generation AND they are a dumbass AND they are unlucky.

They get an extra downtime throw for Volunteering but also for Isolation and Meditation. Because I guess it is thematically appropriate that they benefit from either being part of a community or isolating themselves from a community.

They gain 1 Calm in downtime if they hurt a Horror on their adventure. A thing they definable always get that class bonus on.

When they hit 0 Calm they get ANOTHER bonus throw to fighting enemies that persists until the fight is over.

The Problem - Has what the Friend has for crackheads only for doorsnakes
Is a victim only the crime made them magic. Or close enough compared to waffling mess it actually presents as a description.

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! But it takes too much time to describe that there can be only one and tells you to get people to make extra characters to make sure there can be only one because it's definitely important to cover contingencies about players constantly joining and leaving the game right here in your main description of a character class.

Then they get some monster powers. It doesn't specify exactly what and just refers to some monster entries... which I mean, we have seen at least one I don't THINK it had a side bar for what it gives to starter Problem characters...

Instead it mostly spends it's time waffling about whether the Problem chooses the monster type or the GM does.

Then it does that thing again where you can't have the two highest possible starting values on Calm, which only penalizes you if you did random gen, got unlucky AND still then decided to take this class after that.

Then it gives you a +1 to Calm if you let the GM pick your monster type. You know. Just for no reason.

They get an extra Throw for downtime Isolation or Meditation. Can they do that with a victim friend for a Pall throw? Probably. It doesn't rule it out anywhere.

They get 1 Calm if they used their abilities on the adventure.

If they hit 0 Calm they are forced FORCED... to use their abilities.

My over all assessment of the character classes
Over all? My rating is ...

As for are they "Motives written with the horror framework in mind"?

Well. No. For a start they are not motives. The Curious and the Victim at least have (in at least one case stupid) motives. The friend is... a fucking mess and the others are just roles. And specific narrow ones. If 5 classes where going to cover enough motives or enough roles or somehow both to usefully cover the range of horror games presented they MAYBE would need to not be highly specific narrow classes which I'm pretty sure mostly only exist to better enable very specific and probably creepy GM power fantasies imagined by the author.

And I mean... making Curious separate to Investigator, utterly punishing Curious, the role that is actually the only real investigative role presented for a game ABOUT investigative horror. Then letting Investigator be a (relatively) good class but really its basically only really FOR professional detectives or close equivalents...

Just do backgrounds to do this stuff and don't make them as shit as this. Hell, considering the system as far as it is currently apparent, why even have classes? They do NOT look super integral to this trash and this trash would be better off without THIS execution especially.

15 People do not want Zak to write a module
So I'm gonna break here and maybe come back next to talk about the character creation rules that for some reason appear by surprise stealth attack in the link claiming to be about character classes and how they are designed specifically as motivations for a horror focused RPG.

But before I go. Remember the secret sample adventure module to "test if the rules can be referred to". Well apparently you can (maybe?) get it by emailing him directly. Maybe. But you also might risk catching BRAIN herpes. But also there is another one now supposedly already in use by the author "to test the system because I like playing" that also definitely exists in ways definitely not accessible to me, but also it doesn't exist because he is waiting for 15 people to ask him nicely for it before he makes it.

It's SPY themed horror. A sub-genre of horror covered in Demon City in the Sub Genre rules (odds to balls its just a list of sub genres with a title bar that looks a like the words are being tea bagged by a hairless leper).

Anyway I WOULD now demand 15 people ask me nicely before I continue. But I'm not sure there even ARE 15 people here... much less oddly polite and overly eagerly submissive ones. Instead I will ask 15 people not to do that.... and I guess they already haven't!

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

The Secret Bonus Kickstarter Summary Point is Character Creation
It lives inside of Motives
So a large part of character classes link is not a description of the 5 character classes that were promoted as... being designed for the type of game they were in (great selling point I hate when games design their classes to be in other games).

To be fair not ALL the content other than the opening sample page image is off topic. They DO repeat the information from that, in text form, in the post part way through. Do they do it at the point in the described character creation process where you would "do" your character class? Yes. But also No. Because I already know from other sources (this one kind mumbles its way through it too) that there are actually TWO points in character creation that you pick and apply your class and which one you use depends on whether you are randomly assigning your base attributes or not.

Lets look at what we get and find some highlights.

Of course it opens with verbal diarrhea
So just total rambling thought train crash bullshit. An evident obsession with high schoolers, heist crime, and drug use constantly slips through the cracks. And what SHOULD be a discussion of classes (or maybe character creation) essentially opens by pitching themed campaign ideas that explicitly do NOT use all the classes, says that's a thing for another badly titled chapter that we KNOW will be painful to read and have no content, and eventually just sort of gives up and starts talking about character creation.

Two mumble mumble random mumble ways GRAPHIC DESIgNER FIX THIS FOR ME
So this is the bit where it says you can generate your character random or custom.

There are a few things wrong with this.

It tells you how random generation works I think fairly correctly. You get randomly generated AND randomly assigned "Characteristics" then pick your "Motive" and "Occupation" (and other stuff that doesn't get a name drop).

But for "Custom" the thing the players selects first is "the kind of character they would like to play" and THEN assigns "scores that come up". Which is a vague mess and a misrepresentation.

THEN we get a graphic designer note demanding the graphic designer of all people put together a flow chart explaining how that actually works.

I have been to the future in Post 69 and I have seen a recent (RATPACK era) version of that "flow chart" in unreadable low res. Both types of character go through in order and do all the same things.

BOTH sorts of character RANDOMLY generate their base attributes (badly, lets get into that in a moment) using the same cut down Tarot decks.

Then, you either randomly assign the random Characteristics and pick a class OR you pick a class and decide where to place the random Characteristics. Then the entire process is the same again for both options.

THAT is the complex multi-track process so complex only a flow chart (and a graphic designer rather than game designer/writer) could describe.

Also. Lets note, the random version uses random numbers, and the custom version does have more decisions about where they go, but also uses the same random numbers.

Only the random version then gets a manually placed +1 on something at the end just to mess with you.

Characteristic Generation
How you assign your attributes can vary (2 options as mentioned) but how you generate them is the same.

You build a little cut down deck of Tarot cards representing numbers between 0 and 5 and then just draw 7 cards from the deck and thats your stats.

OK. So. I't like a 7 card deck right? No? Maybe just a little variation its a 9 or 10 card deck? No?

OK what is it? Well its a deck of 17 cards with only a single 0 and 5 and everything else is an even spread... except there is just one less 4 in there than the other numbers just to fuck with you.

What this means is that, yeah it is pretty random. The lowest possible draw for attributes in the game is then...
0,1,1,1,1,2,2
And the highest is...
5,4,4,4,3,3,3

That is a pretty harsh variation.

The text goes out of its way so say that Random generated characters have "slightly better on average" characteristics than custom. Which is odd since they are generated in exactly the same way. However due to badly structures so called "limits" on characteristics for random gen characters it IS possible to get slightly lucky and choose your way into a +1 due to stat limits with a random gen character.

AND for some reason random gen characters DO get that +1, is THAT the "slightly better on average"? I mean did they just seriously put that plus one there so they could say that? Why does the random gen deserve that on top of the pot luck limits dance?

Anyway. Point is, it isn't standard array, it isn't a bunch of fairly weighted rolls. It's a draw from a poorly structured deck with wild variance and both options are actually this one option.

Anyway then we get the classes again in blog post text. Nothing new there.

Occupation
Then we get "Occupations". There is a list of "500-odd" totally promise. Maybe give us 10 right here? 1? No?

OK so what do they do?

This can determine what your Occupational Skill

It... can? I guess the naming is just a coincidence.

Also though " and affect your Contacts," the occupation skill apparently deserved a "see below" while this didn't so... Yep.

But... "but it doesn’t directly impact anything else in character generation, including your Motive."

So. Here we are in the middle of character gen, we get told to pick our Occupation. And told don't worry. It doesn't effect anything, not even your wealth apparently as it insists on telling you that you might be a wealthy night clerk due to an inheritance (is this the place for that?).

Also though it's fucking lying because two of the Motives directly reference to and describe them selves in terms of occupations. One of them describes itself as a class that most people of certain occupations belong to. The other describes itself as a class that mostly consists of people of certain even narrower occupations. But I guess nothing was a firm formal rule there. Nothing in this ever is. This game essentially has the motto of "But they do".

Characteristics
Then we just get a description of all the characteristics again, because we forgot we were in character gen which for some reason is a thing about selling us 5 classes made for the game they are in.

At least this time we get full readable text, since its a text dump rather than a finalized random resolution tiny picture.

So a quick overview of new information about the base attributes "Characteristics".

Well. All your starting attributes are only starting/maximum for that attribute and they "can go up and down" but since they also say your starting attribute is your maximum attribute what they mean is "they can go down", at an excessively generous interpretation "down and MAYBE back up".

Whoops did I say they described characteristics here? Well I SUPPOSE they did technically give a description related to them, basically just stuff common to all of them like "what numbers can any characteristic be?", the description of the individual characteristics ISN'T here. They just stop doing that and instead talk about...

Contacts
Sorry wait that isn't the full heading...
Contacts (Starting and Otherwise)
Well good we needed that clarity. That clear very clear dichotomy of the ones you start with and, um, "Otherwise". I mean you wouldn't want to limit your mention of contacts in your character creation rules to just the starting ones right? Or alternatively if you needed to talk about contacts more broadly (in your character creation rules) it would not have been fine to just talk about "Contacts" the end even in the title? You couldn't have had a contacts title and a starting contacts subtitle and and "Otherwise" contacts subtitle towards the end for a little addendum or side bar.

Anyway. Let's not get hung up on the eccentric wording of the heading. The stuff beneath the heading is pack full or rich double take nutrients.

Contacts are people your character knows. Lets look at the rules and guidelines on that in a minute, for now they are just like these guys you know.

You (unless you are an investigator who gets 1-2 extra) get starting Contacts equal to your APPEAL or your CASH. So. Useful people you know are limited by your sexiness or your wealth interchangeably. OK. Whatever. Kinda crass, feels TMI about the author again, but who cares.

Then after being told how many we get we get a paragraph that starts defining what they are but finishes by getting distracted from that and telling us when you need to pick them.

So Contacts are a guy GUARANTEED to help you in a useful way on your adventure. Only they have specialties which lets face it are vague and arbitrary in their relevance and if the help isn't in their "field" they won't help you. So. Not guaranteed. Also they are "cowardly" and won't accompany you. Except when they will because they do so "rarely". So still not guaranteed. And also it isn't actually guaranteed exactly which occasions on which the guarantee does not apply.

Also remember your number of contacts. Sometimes you just get given a free extra one. This is mentioned but not further elaborated on.

Anyway that messy paragraph goes on to mention that you don't have to pick all your contacts up front. You can leave slots open and pick them as you go.

Well. That's probably just good and... oh. You have to make a check and roll Throw an Appeal check to see if you are allowed to pick a relevant contact when using your remaining contact slots. Lame, also a kick in the nuts to the guy with 5 Cash based contacts not yet allocated and 0 Appeal, but whatever not like its potentially growing and maybe unlimited administration overhea... OH. Everytime you fail you are never allowed to have that "field" of contact ever again... wow...

Also that appeal check just goes up on a GM ass pull number based on how likely they think your character "as-played-up-until-that-point" is to know someone in that field. So I guess the usual rant about ass pulls and ... WAIT ... did you say "as-played-up-until-that-point" what... WHAT IS THAT EVEN? Why are there dashes, what sort of emphasis are you intending WHY are you intending it...

Theres some worthless rambling about failures meaning you might know a relevant contact but just not trust them so they don't exist. That when you run out of contact slots you are only allowed to meet new people through game play or as GM rewards. That hey why not name and describe them all while you are here in character creation, or let the GM do it. Or do it between sessions or something, except their name appearance and home address SOMEONE needs to do them right now. In character creation, unless you leave the slot empty and at risk of rolling a "you have never known and can never know someone who speaks Spanish" result.

Now, without taking the time define what "Losing a contact" is or how it happens, or even taking the time to I don't know START A NEW PARAGRAPH, we DO get told that "Losing a contact after they are invented" Costs you a permanent point off your Maxmium Calm. (Remember at best you have 5 of those, you probably have 2).

When we do get a new paragraph it opens with "Here's a rule for the Host:" Yes he calls the GM Host. Yes that is a fucking colon. Yes colons are an abomination that should be purged from modern punctuation. Let's try and focus and not take what is obvious deliberate technically correct but utterly gratuitous punctuation bait placed there purely to enrage rational readers.

Anyway. Then it tells the host not murder contacts off screen just because they feel like it. Instead they should declare them in danger of murder off screen because they feel like it, demand the related player then go and immediately help and punish them with Calm loss if they refuse and then I guess also the permanent maximum calm loss again once the death or "loss?" eventually goes through. Later it also tells you that contacts might also want help (on pain of Calm loss) just for things that might be scary. And also this is now just like THE way Hosts are going to get players involved in the next investigation. WHAT IF NO ONE TOOK ANY CONTACTS?

Oh and Contacts CANNOT be REAL PEOPLE from the REAL WORLD. OK. Cannot staple real people to my character sheet... OH you mean they cannot fictional representations of real people from the real world. Like explicitly Oprah. Known specialist in a field relevant to investigative horror. Or at least a (sort of) guaranteed source of cars for everyone once per adventure. This is because that would get "very silly very fast". First of all. So what. Second of all, does he think all real people are celebrities. Thirdly why Oprah, because no really what IS her relevant specialty she can help with?

But then it is OK, because you can just have a generic version of the same. And get your once per adventure free cars for everyone from Nope-rah. And that ISN'T going to get very silly very fast. Phew. Missed a bullet on that one. Just not before a description of a generic Oprah that feels both a little bit racist and also like it's trying to make a non-specific but somehow offensive political point for no good reason.

OK I'm taking a break. The dog and I need to keep watch on the lavender to prevent the sheep from destroying it. More than they already have. I mean. I can do that from here while typing, but I'm still taking a break.

[Foxwarrior]

Anyway I WOULD now demand 15 people ask me nicely before I continue. But I'm not sure there even ARE 15 people here... much less oddly polite and overly eagerly submissive ones.

I'd like you to continue, even if your enthusiastic rambling style means that sometimes I can hardly understand what you're talking about. I feel like you might at times forget that you're also supposed to be describing the thing and not just criticizing it, I know there were a couple of paragraphs here and there where I lost the plot as it were.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

Somewhere, deep in a rabbit hole
The character creation and other stuff behind the link advertised as selling 5 classes made for the game they are in.

Just. Keeps. Going.

Next...

Skills
Lets keep this to highlights again because, again, it rambles, a lot.

1) Fuck you I WON"T tell you what value to put on your starting skills.
We know you get 5+whatever your motive adds. We know they CAN be from 0-9 in value. We know "usually they start at least one point higher than the associated Characteristic score". We know what values some of those Motive skills start at. But the 5 starting skills everyone gets? NO SPECIFIC VALUE IS GIVEN. It's just USUALLY Characteristic+1. That is of course, not a useful instruction for filling in your starting character sheet now is it?

2)Occupations MIGHT Determine your Occupational skill. BUT THEY DO
Remember that thing that Occupations said about how they might determine your "Occupational Skill". Well. They actually definitely do. Because their EITHER give you a skill named after the Occupation itself that lets you do... all the occupation things. (There are "500+" of those remember!). OR they let you pick a related "general" skill. So actually they definitely entirely determine your occupational skill. At least we know what value to write for either option.

3) Getting the delicate numeric balance right through wishful thinking
So the occupational skill = occupation name is considered "broader" than the occupation related standard skill option. So. If you pick the first you get characteristic+1 and if you pick the second you get characteristic +2 to compensate.

Questionable but plausible. IF ONLY THAT WERE THAT.

But. The [Occupation Name Here] skill is ALWAYS Perception +1. The [pick an normal skill related to your Occupation] skill is "Related Characteristic" +2.

So ACTUALLY the better choice with the higher final number is actually more dependent on what your stats are, so picking the "broader" option with "only +1" can give you the higher final value.

But of course it doesn't stop there. If you take the "broader" [Occupation name here] Skill. THAT is an "extra" skill that doesn't count towards your 5 skills you start with. And if you take the "narrower" standard skill associated with your occupation for some reason that is NOT an extra skill and DOES count towards the 5 skills you get to start with. Thus punishing you for taking the thing that was previously considered of lesser value and needing a small reward attached to it to motivate you to take it.

So, take [Occupation name here] Skill and if you want narrower related skills on your list just pick them normally. You gain an extra "broad" skill and lose +1 to one narrower skill (unless you have an argument with the "Host" about what the hell "Usually at least +1" means as an instruction towards what number to write on your character sheet).

4)The skills rules is also a numbered list of bullet points
Number 1 was "you get 5 basic skills. The above material all comes from bullet points 2 through 3. But point 2 had opening text and then 3 bullet points of its own. WAIT is that another god damn colon in the first words of bullet point 2. It says "First nipick:" ok, fuck off, BZZZT wrong, that wasn't a nitpick that was presenting a RULE on your list of RULES a list that had ALREADY started. Colon use INVALID and the text before it redundant outright incorrect and somehow even more annoying than the colon itself.

Sorry about that I saw another colon and lost track, point is blah blah at the 4th main bullet point (7th counting sub bullet points larger than some whole main bullet points). We finally get told what VALUE to set the 5 basic skills we were told we get from bullet point 1. And now instead of "at least characteristic +1" it's now just "characteristic +1". We are also told some need to be further narrowed by for instance picking a weapon type for exotic weapon, and others give you a bonus skill... of an as yet unspecified value from an as yet unspecified list. The skills so bad that you deserve some sort of refund bonus skill are Humanities (fair enough) and Science and Athletics (wait whut).

5)Do not I repeat DO NOT try to "game" the skill specialization feature
It tells you hey, trade in 1 of the 5 basic skills you get and instead get +2 points to add to probably any single other skill probably including ones that are not base skills but also maybe you could split the bonus and maybe you cannot add the bonus to any skill except basic skills it's hard to say because it fucks up its wording to in one case leave it ambiguous and in the other case flat out not state it at all but in a way with a weird repetition that makes no sense that LOOKS like a typo version of what a proper rule preventing you from adding this bonus to "extra" skills would look like.

Instead of clarifying it breaks mid paragraph to extort you not to try and "game the system" and demands that gaming comes later when you play. Why is that HERE? Save your gaming the system exortation for a single side bar/sub section/something stuck in the advise chapter no one ever reads like a normal writer does. Don't just break mid class rules character creation rule Skill rules to do that.

6) you can only specialize ONCE. But you can DOUBLE SECRET HYPER SPECIALIZE up to 4 times!
Psst! Hey you. You want two extra skills at Characteristic +1? OR do you want 4 extra skills points to add to your extra skills AND this time I will forget to tell you to stick to the cap of 9? Do you want either of those things up to FOUR TIMES?

Each time you just need to trade in one of the following...
Swimming (invite Zak to drown your character)
Driving (Nope-rah gives you nothing, someone else drives, you are numerically better than your driver)
Using Cell phones and computers (Cell phones? How old IS this kickstarter project? Is this an American thing? Do you weirdos not use "cell phone" exclusively to refer to pre-smart phone era mobile phones? Fuck you at least we have electric kettles you cave men!)
Read (but not write, could have given up literacy, but nope, just reading)

So anyway slightly narrow your skill list for half the bonus more conditionally OR become a semi-literate, off the grid, guy who sinks like a rock and gets their own driver for a total of EIGHT TIMES the bonuses without an explicit cap. Though because of something mentioned somewhere not useful Zak will tell you there is a "rule" capping it out at 9. But actually thanks to location and wording thats vague and at best means you might have to say your character is no longer technically human because they just got THAT good at "Burglary".

7) My bullet points do not correspond to the source material bullet points at all
It isn't a bullet point (or sub bullet point). But we get a one liner telling us that it is OK if all your skills are low because they CAN get better, promise. And also extorting us to "not freak out" about that. Well fuck you I'm a god damn Friend I only have 5 skills, I have an Agility of 0 and my Skills are Burglary 1, Drive 1, Drive (Zamboni) 1, Drive (Segway) 1 and, Pilot (Pedalo) 1. THE WORLD IS FUCKING ON FIRE! I AM FREAKING OUT!

Worse what if I made them ALL specialist drive skills and got two extra at the cost of BEING UNABLE TO DRIVE? I mean. Not that it's much better than taking two more specialist vehicle drive skills at the cost of being unable to Swim or Read... which lets note it probably IS better than.

Lets say however not saddle the worlds least optimal build on this and just point out you relatively easily could have a character with no attribute higher than 2 (out of 5) and no skill higher than 3 (out of 9). That isn't great, potential advancement isn't an excuse. The guy with no attribute lower than 3 and the easy ability to pick skills at 6 and 7 (and easily boost them to 9) is NOT playing the same game it IS something SOMEONE should be freaking out over, and that someone is NOT the reader, it's the god damn game designer.

8) Then we get the standard skills list
... that has been referred to vaguely in different ways by prior "rules" text but is just now "the skills".

Highlights of this highlight?

Now we learn that when you have to pick a "category specifically" like you do with Exotic Weapon you get Characteristic +2 instead of +1.

But NOT when you pick Drive(Zamboni). That's just too good you get the standard bonus.

BUT when you pick Athletics you get to have it at +1 AND a cub category sport at +2! And also do this for categories of Science and Humanities (well now we know what the early ominous foreshadowing about bonus skills was about. Doesn't feel very bonus. Does feel arbitrary and needlessly complex).

We learn that some skills can be associated with your choice of more than one attribute. And that there are Agility skills, there Are Toughness AND Agility skills, but there are NO skills which are just Toughness. Or Calm there are no Calm skills. Also aside from the Agility/Toughness set the only other hybrid skill sets are Appeal/Cash and Appeal/Cash/Knowledge.

Other Languages is a skill and you get to have just ONE other language at +2. OR you get to have Knowledge-1 different languages all at just 1 point flat. No in between. Not that an in between would make sense because it OBVIOUSLY was impossible for that to be Knowledge +2 points spread between however many languages you like (don't be silly there aren't THAT many languages right?) because that would be too powerful if they went down the 1 point each road. Also. To me this would imply things about primary language checks and the authors strange assumptions about how good people are at their first language. I would have avoided that by not giving out numeric bonus language skills at all...

Local Knowledge is "for wherever the campaign starts unless you specify otherwise". But you COULD instead take "Well Traveled" which is a skill you check that permanently gives you the local knowledge skill (choice of 3 characteristics at -1) for ANY location, but it has to be not where the campaign started. No limits, it even says you can use this any number of times, it does not even rule out locations with failed attempts like filling out your contacts list does. So. You take Well Traveled and basically just automatically have ALL LOCAL KNOWLEDGE SKILLS EVER. Including "The Surface of Pluto" and "The Place you are imagining in your head right... NOW". I especially like that "Well Traveled" does not require your character to have been to the place, OR FOR THEM TO EVER HAVE TRAVELED ANYWHERE AT ALL. Of course since there is no description of what Local Knowledge does at all in the first place the value remains questionable.

Then again only SOME skills get descriptions of what they do. And yes I mean actual descriptions of what they do, not their weird little exception rules for character building. BOTH appear on skills in this list. And some skills. Some skills only get a title. I think it can safely remain unsaid what 'Streetwise" gives you that "Local Knowledge: This Street' (fucking colons) or "Burglary" does not. Good thing too, because NONE of the three have a description of what they do. That's it. I'm taking "Occupation: Street Rat" instead I BET it has a full description of what it does!

The Rest
No that's not me just covering the rest of it in one title. THAT'S THE ORIGINAL TEXT.

This is notable for two reasons.

1) This now basically tells you "tie together" your character details (do we get string? how will this effect the functionality of my paper character sheet?) that you "figure out" why they have this mix of aptitudes and weaknesses (fortunately you don't have to write it down or tell anyone, personally I WILL write it down and tell everyone and point out it's because of this wack job rules set and the charismatic allure of the Zamboni). Also you now have to pick a name and age and decide what your character looks like. Except for explicitly your height, weight, eye color, and "etc" all clearly NOT key parts of what a character looks like which, unlike deciding what you look like, or "tying details together" and "figuring out why", can wait until they "come up".

2) 'The Rest" is NOT the last titled section in the document. Yes. In a shocking turn Zak has yet again failed to stick to a written commitment for two fucking seconds flat.

A Note For the Host
Is our NEXT title that is NOT part of "The Rest" since 'The Rest" is done already.

It tells GMs to wait until characters are made and now figure out how they are related to 'The Horror" which seems to be this game's way of saying "The story/adventure" but also conflating it with a sanity destroying big bad monster because, I'm pretty sure Zak just imagines investigative horror plots as mostly just one word/title like "FRANKENSTIEN!, no wait "A DRACULA!".

I think, but lets be clear, the author isn't. That this part of some attempt to hard code into the rules a form of dynamic reactive story telling. The adventure is in fact DEFINED by the characters that the characters the players insert into it. This is telling the GM. "OK now start creating the adventure based on the characters you have been handed.... NOW".

This is an ambitious thing to immediately demand of a potentially new GM. This is a moderate challenge for any GM. This is something the document commits FOUR WHOLE SENTENCES to before being distracted and wandering off to talk about something even stupider.

Four whole sentences and the WORST USE OF A COLON YET.

If they strongly object to some background thing you attach to their PC: bend.

No. Just no. Fucking stop it trying to use colons already. That is NOT cool. It was never cool. Now it's so offensive I expect to see a semi-colon ANY SECOND now. Don't you DARE use a semi-colon and if you do it have better be technically AND practically IRONCLAD.

Also:

Anyway, he "also" COMMA wants you to basically write up what is I think the party player character initiative order "before each session" (wait are these character creation "rules" meant to happen each session?) and makes you roll for ties and refuses to tell you why but wastes extra text being condescendingly coy about refusing to tell you why.

And also tells you to note everyone's perception attributes so you can make secret perception checks for them. At least we got a reason. Is this the time and place to let us know? Is this character creation? Class rules? A kickstarter sales pitch? or is it now a "First time play" tutorial or something?

Space is Warped and Time is Bendable
OK. So remember how I said this document describes Characteristics. Remember a mention of Characteristics earlier. Back when it just stop to give some general description of the broad traits of ALL characteristics but not what each one was, suddenly right in the middle of Character generation without any relevance.

Well that was basically the text of the "Characteristics" page, or the intro to the books section on Characteristics. Which is then followed up with the full descriptions of all 7 characteristics (CATPACK! or mayber RATPACK!).

Now, after all the character gen rules. After "The Rest" and after some notes to the Host. Here we do not get a proper heading yet. We get an embedded image of a sample two page spread.

The first page is... that intro text on characteristics we already saw back IN character generation. The second page is the descriptions of all the attributes. This image is readable resolution! And not remotely the final version that we now know exists thanks to Updates possibly as late as 69 and ALSO not the version that exists IN the kick starter pitch that LINKS TO THIS DOCUMENT (though that newer version IS at an unreadable resolution).

But we don't need to read it because the rest of this document is dedicated to a cut and paste OF that descriptive text.

It does not get a title/subtitle like all the other sections in the blog post got. it gets this...

WHAT THE CHARACTERISTICS MEAN (Graphic Designer: put this facing the Characteristics page in character generation)

I want to note. This instruction to the graphic designer appears immediately AFTER the embedded image of a two page spread in which that has already happened.

Anyway. Do we learn anything new or interesting about the Characteristics?

No.

I'm just going with "No". I'm jaded now. There are things in there which previously would have caused me to stop, point and write 300 words about how nonsense they are. But they no longer reach my threshold of giving a shit. This kickstarter has made me NOT CARE about the sudden use of "Intensity" for the opposing value for Cash checks and, so far, Cash checks alone.

I suppose we now know the previously [unreadable] component of your sexy attribute is how sexy your sexy "manner" is.

I suppose we now know the mention of tall buildings in Knowledge is perhaps somehow stupider than you might have guessed.

I now know that figuring out that buildings cast shadows or that shadows cast westwards in mornings (I mean, the Sun IS the only light source too) is an act of "deductive reasoning" that players "have to figure out on their own" without help from Characteristics. And that it is an excellent example of that deductive reasoning ALL of which is purely on the players without any influence from characteristics.

But at least now there is nothing between me and the end of this blog post (and the kickstarter summary section) other than the blog post signing out with a return of the demon city rock testicle and another link to the demon city patreon that does not refer to demon city at all.

It's mostly about "Cube World" now.

That seems promising.

I know there were a couple of paragraphs here and there where I lost the plot as it were.

THE SAME THING KEEPS HAPPENING TO ME. I think I caught it from exposure to the testicle rocks. No seriously. It's hard to comprehensibly describe content as incomprehensible as some of this is. Sometimes when you talk into the nonsense the nonsense talks back through you.

Also. I don't proof read this and only rarely bother correcting obvious typos after posting (like the giant broken tags on this post at its launch). Including ones I since noticed completely derailed an entire sentence or two. I guess I will have to learn from the author of the kickstarter and get mad at you for not either reading my mind or begging politely for clarifications.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

Demon City
The RPG The Kickstarter The Movie
So. There is a Demon City Kickstarter promotion video.

First off there is a copy of it hidden in the kickstarter campaign page itself. Turns out one of the multiple identical looking "Demon City" title testicles eventually pops up a play button. But for some reason it's basically unwatchable for me and just keeps freezing up.

The youtube version is watchable. I'm going to assume they are both the same video for convenience and sanity.

Lets go over the vitals.

It's on the official channel of DIY productions. A, company? that advertises itself with a logo that gives you the finger. Also its run by the guy who is running the kickstarter. His last video is a year ago and is ostensibly about how the breath of the wild influenced his game design. It opens with clips of the Emperor from star wars and the critic. I skipped and caught a snippet of Mike mid sentence saying "...to fuck a player in the eye...".

In a stunning coincidence I suddenly decided I didn't need to go this deep on background research.

The video (the kickstarter one) has been up for more than four years. It has gotten sufficiently under 300 views and since I have looked at it 3 or four times as long as it's counting each hit individually I now personally account for over 1% of it's total views.

In that time it received ONE comment, only 10 months ago, a solid 3 years + since it went up. That comment reads "This is a good video".

That comment is from Ben Cusak. Is it the same Ben Cusak credited as an "and friends" of Zak's in a google result I didn't read? Is it just maybe the same Ben Cusak mentioned in a google result I DID at least skim. That Ben Cusack that did a FOUR HOUR LONG "interview" with Zak S facilitating Zak getting one of his other female friends to basically help him do apologia for FOUR HOURS to defend him from those allegations of abuse from a former partner? (I've seen a summary) From every single thing in a giant list that anyone anywhere has ever said about Zak on the internet and elsewhere EVER in some sort of obsessive need to pretend to be right about everything forever. Sound... like familiar behavior? Oh. And this happened like, about two months ago so, someone is STILL beating that (and apparently EVERY) dead horse... also familiar behavior.

Maybe I DO go too deep on the background research on these things. But then again, when it's Zak related I suspect even the laziest token research leads to TMI. And I basically only typed two names into google, skimmed two results, clicked one link and skimmed about two paragraphs out of dozens that were a post that was yet again one of Zaks defenders doing what looks a LOT like instinctive defensive verbal diarrhea. Don't worry though, THAT guy on reddit was a Ukrainian. A definitely real one who cares SO MUCH about the injustice of misinformation and propaganda that he definitely needed to be on the internet you know NOW defending him since that was definitely the most important thing going on for a Ukrainian at the moment. HE EVEN SAYS THAT.

Anyway and now our actual movie experience itself.

As already mentioned it opens with a warning that this PROMOTIONAL ADVERT opens with a potential seizure inducing strobe effect, that remember, is an editing choice they decided to make and were apparently aware enough of during editing to put up a warning about.

Then it turns out the strobe effect is just applying an annoying and ugly flashing light on top of the testicle title for Demon City. It makes it look less like a testicle but much more like a bad graphic design choice. It goes as long as it does because the OTHER editing choice they decided on was to include Zak S failing to introduce himself and then calling do-overs mid strobe to try and get his own name and the name of project correct.

Do they know that video editing can include removing stuff? Ah, nah, look how humanizing it is? A stutter, awkwardness? So yeah, maybe it ISN'T bad editing, maybe its patronizing attempts to manipulate an audience that the creator views as stupid rubes and marks!

Cut to a sample of play. Chosen sample of play? Zak S seated on some kind of throne. 5 women and a confused looking middle aged man all neatly arranged so they can be clearly seen just staring intently at him in... ways... and Zak being the only animated figure as he, with his latest butt ugly hair cut, describes and acts out (a tiny fragment of) something terrible happening to one of the player characters, the seemingly effected player looking uncomfortable and trying to play it down. Zak seems a bit too into it. But its all cut too short to mean ANYTHING and on we go.

We get a title (just plain Arial font for not quite long enough to have the impact a title needs) for the 'Setting" which is undercut by Zak describing it as ANYWHERE, and just like somewhere you like. We discover that the editing technique will now annoyingly have Zak start talking about something else slightly before the audio of him talking about the last thing cuts out.

We get some meaningless waffle claiming everything has unique twists and Japanese ghosts from manga and stuff can be anything. We get sample pages drifting past (with readable text) and really not much is said.

I suppose we get a complaint that demons in fantasy RPGs are too "abstracted" so instead of doing what, lets face it DND does where they are basically personifications of and servants of specific moral alignments... he instead decided to tie them specifically to "morality". Just gold levels of self awareness and creative humility.

Who cares, more ugly girly pinup monsters and waffle.

TAROT CARDS
OK so now we get to the Tarot card mechanic.

We now know something new. The tarot carts ARE the RNG generator, they do just give us a number from "1 to 10".

But they don't. We can read the Tarot card small text this time. Its thematic fluff predictions, AND sometimes an instruction that in a certain context you get bonus "Throws" or a number larger than 10, and stuff.

Some highlights? "A 12 to hit a captor", "An 18 to escape", "Gain a Contact", "When spending downtime with an ally apply it to everyone"... wait... what?

Anyway. Now we know more about that. No further questions raised by the answer to one question.

Also we know from the sample play shown the big card table with black background is NOT for printing cutting out and use in game. It IS just a table. In the video they use regular Tarot cards and presumable look up the results on the table.

Ow.

Oh and they all blind draw and flip together for some reason? And actually the actual example of them actually playing in game proper rather than in a cut away dimension that seems not to be the sample game play somehow has them using dice. But... how does that work with the card table? No. No further questions. From now on no answers to questions ever raise more questions.

So with that important foundation preventing me from having to dig too deep into this we just get waffle, meaningless praise and player testimonials from players somehow playing this game that can't seem to be finished yesterday but was apparently complete enough for a testimonial 4 years ago.

We get little subtle moments like a player saying how this game somehow engages them more than other RPGs suddenly cutting to a shot of Zak talking to 2 players who DO seem very engaged... directly across another player mid shot that is fiddling with her dice not making eye contact and looking deeply disengaged.

There is the specific sales point that he has written SO many random tables of content so you won't need any content, and that all the text is written so there aren't a lot of question marks, it's used to loosely imply that the project is basically already done. 4 years ago.

Oh. Wow. Then we get a testimonial from a guy in an unpleasant demon mask acting like he is a summoned demon. He does a bit. It goes too long, it is another testimonial of glowing praise about this game (that existed 4 years ago) and about Zak in general. In fact, the actual "hi I'm an everyday real demon" aspect of it just is swamped by the non-specific praise really.

And oh thank god it's over.

Can I even keep going with this?I don't know if I will be able to continue this review. There's more stuff from the kickstarter pitch likely worth pointing at in disbelief. But I'm getting to the point that I've strained my "being flabbergasted" organ or something. This is painful now instead of fun. And I covered most of it that matters. I mean it IS a game that does not even exist.

But what about that Gorgeous Art?
I did almost promise some mention of it.

What can I say? I don't like it. I find it ugly. I find it demotivating. I find it thematically deeply inappropriate for a fun game environment. It's clear that no matter what definitely unprompted testimonials say about creativity and scary grimdark awesomeness of moods that what we get from examples and things people seem actually keen on that the actual games of this are more "Wacky Fun" horror adventures and this is NOT the art for wacky fun horror.

It's art of an entire genre I dislike and not even what I would recognize as "good" examples of it. A lot of the pieces seem to have what to me seem like major technical flaws in their implementation even WITHIN the seeming limitations/excuses of "the style".

And then there is how it seems to have a leering creepy obsession in female subjects in ways that honestly to me personally at least just feel far more deeply misogynistic than if every illustration in the book had just flat out been a topless or naked woman in the style of classic pinup porn illustrations.

But then I do think a lot of art IS a reflection of the inner personality of the artist and well...

Now we know the artist will be "AHAH the purpose of true art is to make you uncomfortable". To which I would say "No it isn't, stop that."

To which we know the artist would be "AHAHA but the purpose of THIS art is to make you uncomfortable because HORROR!". To which I would say "Not this type of uncomfortable." and "You play wacky games that focus on edgy gore and giggling about it, lets not pretend this is serious artistic thought provoking horror."

Anyway. There, promised art bit. I'm out for at least a few days break if not until release of the actual game if not until sometime after that. I think fair enough, I should be allowed at least 4 years of delays if I feel like it?

edit: No, seriously. I mean it this review is DONE until further notice I need to stop for mental health reasons while I get my damaged incredulity massaged for at least a week.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

Oh and one more thing.

This (temporary preemptive) review has to end with this.

but they do

[PseudoStupidity]

I am finding this review amusing, the (at times confusing) stream of consciousness feels appropriate for a game made by shitmuffin.

Based off your experiences so far, would you rate this game 5 stars or just 4?

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

I would rate this game 13 unidentified scrotal masses. That rating is still on the scale of 0-5 Stars. To further clarify. that's thirteen unidentified scrotal masses, but in a bad way.

[deaddmwalking]

It is possible that this game not coming out is potentially related to my actions. I don't KNOW that for sure, but I've been calling Shitmuffin an Asshole in a thread on another site. Someone joined that thread to say 'Shitmuffin says that he won't produce gaming content unless gamers stand up for him against totally baseless attacks, so I'm coming here to stand up for Shitmuffin'. I of course replied that demanding that other people get involved just because he doesn't like what I'm calling him is definitely for real one of the reasons I keep calling him an asshole.


Edit - Of course, that only applies to delays over the last few months, not the last few years. There's a Patreon Post from April 2018 saying:

-The game is play-ready and all the "necessary" monsters, spells, equipment, advice, etc are written. It covers the bases.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

Impossible. Update 69 gives us 4 other reasons that contradict that narrative. They were.

1) Mike has asked Zak to do some (not so) minor tweaks, Zak has asked Mike to do (some of the same) minor tweaks.
2) They are "rewriting" some "areas" to incorporate "Shawns Layout" into the "narrative" to add "another level of fun/cool". A thing that definitely makes sense combining those concepts and steps in that order at this stage.
3) Zak doesn't know, He says he finished his work and now It's all Mikes enigmatic fault.
4) The tragic death of a dog named "Perfect".

Also people WERE available after the It's Mikes fault moment to massage a bonus module out of the author's ego, AND apparently now the requisite 15 people have ALSO sufficiently begged for ANOTHER bonus module about SPIES.

I think we can safely blame the dog. Mike did.

PS: I like the bit where they "added more artwork to some of the monster entries" at this late last minute. Because as you know, you can have a finished illustrated page, then you can definitely improve it by making a whole new artwork and add it on to that. So like, now the monster entries must have an art with another art like, sticky taped on top of it...

[deaddmwalking]

I like to believe that this whole game is a meta-horror game. You think you're going to do something fun, like join a kickstarter, but the whole time it was haunted. Now you're committed, and the creators KNOW WHO YOU ARE. There's a sense of impending dread as you keep being told that the Demon is getting closer, and closer, and closer... but every time it's just another fake out. But you've learned about it. Now you know it's real and it is more horrifying than you imagined - this isn't fun, this isn't cool and you can't escape.

I don't think that's true, but if they want to use it to explain away their vaporware, that's cool by me.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

If you look in the various comments sections on the kickstarter and it's updates I think there actually are various players playing some sort of meta-game with this project. And a very active GM dropping in regularly to threaten them with legally binding totally legit affidavit attacks to keep the tension up.

There is also a guy already trying to take over-under bets for this project hitting a full 5 years undelivered.

Plenty of people are getting some sort of value out of this thing. But specifically not a refund of the value they paid into it. When they ask for that they are very quickly told by either the author or the publisher that they cannot have a refund because they (somehow) IMMEDIATELY spent ALL the money the moment they received it 4 years ago.

A thing which is almost certainly definitely a moral, legal and legit reason not to refund people who paid for an undelivered product, am I right?

But I guess when it is ready to materialize into physical and digital form and shipped out. That's all already paid for 4 years ago right. Their book printers and download providers and what not are sitting on that money. I mean if it can't be refunded then they must not be themselves sitting on an account to pay for the final release.

And the only other explanation would be that they immediately spent the money on crack and gaming thrones and now don't even have the money to deliver the actual promised physical products even if they ever finish ... "inserting the layout into the narrative"...?

[deaddmwalking]

If you were anyone other than Shitmuffin, saying you would do something and not doing it would make you a liar, and, according to Shitmuffin, unworthy of life-saving care. N
But since it is Shitmiffin, clearly nobody understood what he meant by 'soon' or 'before the end of the year', and if they had just asked the right clarifying questions they would have avoided drawing the completely insane conclusion that Shitmuffin understands the meaning of words.

Please, keep going with your review.

I will admit to being tempted to throw $5 at Shitmuffin to calculate how much his 'not even 1 page of content per month' is worth. But knowing the numbers might destroy what little faith I have left in the gaming public at large.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

I'm deeply against giving this guy money. The thing I'm most curious about in the deliverables is, supposedly since the moment this was funded some sort of draft text only version of this was distributed into the wild as a deliverable to most tiers.

But was it ever actually delivered?

And if it was what actual state of "mostly complete" and "playable" was it in? How has it kept up to changes in the text of the final product? Is it CATPACK or RATPACK compatible? Do they get updated text drafts when they change animal pack types, or at all? Do they get text drafts of the stretch goal content? Why not make the text only proof it's playable which is, lets face it, a promotional text pamphlet trying to sell you the "real" product into an SRD style online site available to the public?

Like most things with this product and with this guy, it is a thing that was supposed to provide answers, but it only raises further questions. And lets face it if it does exist, if it did go out, if it WAS text complete to the degree that this product ever will be... it would still raise further questions.

[deaddmwalking]

Since Shitmuffin only makes perfect rulings and never needs to revise them, and he does write things down and sticks them to his refrigerator or something, there must be a perfect complete draft spread over hundreds of blog posts, hours of video, and secret notes. Now, actually reading all of that won't let you know what the 'real parts are' but if you ask for 'clarification' nicely enough (and sign a legal agreement saying you can't say anything bad about Shitmuffin or his secret perfect draft once you've seen it) he'll think about telling you what they are. Which is so much better than just having a single printed version that everyone can refer to because Shitmuffin will tailor the version you get specifically to your group - even if you like left-handed scissors!

I am not surprised that this is such a cluster but I am surprised that there were people who claim to be 'fans of his work' that didn't see it coming.

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

OK I might have recovered enough to try and cover some more of this. What there even is. I've been charging up my incredulity meter while watching lambs just god damn body slamming that lavender bush out the back window.

The dregs of the Kickstarter description
I missed a summary point I think
Blah blah, monster entries exist. Did I cover this? I don't think so. I refuse to check.

It's no super interesting. Lets note it gives us 3 links into the bowels of blog hell. One of which is just a link for Lycanthrope which we have the 2 page spread of here already, if they had made that image READABLE then this link would be utterly redundant. But also if you said you have 40 monsters and gave us three samples one of which is a repeat you've already shown us... yeah. Not a great look.

Also "Ultimate Horror RPG" that is also cast as an all purpose RPG for the greater horror related genre... has 40 monsters and 90 "supernatural powers". These are respectable numbers. As a reasonable minimum. They are NOT numbers to BRAG about as a selling point. "Has sufficient number of monsters for advertised scope, and no more!" is NOT a selling point.

Maybe lets look at the links... Lets see, a type of demon... oh god the art is maybe the worst yet and yes, that's right its a sexy temptress demon with a very powerful, "Now, you to players, make out" ability. They are of course. Female. Or beasts (like, basically the same right author?). Specifically prioritizing dogs and then serpents at the top of a list (that almost stops there, quick chuck in owls to camouflage the latent misogyny). NO DEEP PERSONAL ISSUES of the author appearing here. They have laughable weaknesses, and the stupidest most unrealistic impossible to achieve means of summoning you could bother conceiving of.

OK, what about witches.... which are witches AND witch children AND witch lords. Something it decides to remind us several times in TITLES not in text. Could have just titled "Witches" and then given your complex age and gender variants of which in a paragraph of text. Instead of I don't know writing something that people in the real world who consider themselves witches would regard as a repetition of some of the most stereotypical and just nasty slurs imaginable.

Witches you see are all ugly mutants that have sold themselves to demons for "necromantic" powers. Which I suspect would have been better served being called "demonic", but it seems that the author has probably just redefined "necromantic" to mean "evil magic used by evil demonic dudes". Rather than magic to do with death, mostly speaking to the dead. Whatever.

And yep. Between digging up and adding to stereotypes real witches will (fairly reasonably) get mad at... creepy sex creep stuff. A whole ability entry for a witch to curse you with sex like curses were STDs. An ugly mutation table that includes an entry for being supernaturally sexy... until touched... at which point... no description, probably still sexy, at worst return to default why would I assume otherwise the text just stops.

Actually they of course get a whole table of abilities that they randomly get one of and that's where they get STD Curses. OR "Immunity to metal" (???) or seemingly total command of "animals", or city wide teleportation, or a close combat magical attack bonus, or an outright joke like giving the GM and excuse to demand married PCs cheat on each other in game I mean they just forget each others names, it definitely stops there. OR it could be an "ability" that when you think about it is a fucking weakness like the "ability" to make food rot and spoil in there presence.

Or my favorite definitely serious ability that definitely proves this is a very serious game with a lot of deep thought put into it. The ability to "Induces panic in nuns on sight" (no save roll "throw")

Kinda... specific there. You, uh, got a lot of nuns in your games there buddy?

The "Tarot" cards are very special you know
Remember the Tarot card mechanic.

We know this much so far.

They are just numbers between 1-10. OR highly contextual special effects you will never draw when they actually apply, and which are then sometimes numbers over 10, or incredible powerful but utterly undefined instructions that make no sense and do not parse in a firm comprehensible manner.

Oh and you don't just draw one card. You can draw more cards for... reasons... and then everyone holds and reveals their cards simultaneously.

Witch however reminds us of something else that has been hinted at with prior monster entries.

Each monster defines a small number of Tarot cards as "Special". And um, sometimes? Always? has a special abiity triggered by those cards when they come up.

So. Now. Lets summarize what the core mechanic of the game apparently looks like at this stage.

1) GM draws a number of cards possibly at leas partially determined by ass pull. This might have something to do with "Intensity" which is some sort of DC. But it might not. Does not reveal yet.
2) Player draws a number of cards possibly at leas partially determined by ass pull and begging the GM. But also OTHER players also might be drawing cards simultaneously. Maybe to help or maybe to do their own actions, pretty sure I saw that in "The Movie of..." this thing. They do not reveal.
3) Then EVERYONE REVEALS AT ONCE. People now have either memorized the table in the book and determine what the value between 1-10 is for each card. Cause its like, not on the cards, nothing it. We do not yet know how this contributes to the final "roll" but we do know this number needs to be looked up or memorized for EACH CARD for EACH PLAYER/GM. And because of simultaneous reveal this all happens at once
4) ALSO AT THE SAME TIME everyone needs to look up each card for their one of contextual ability determine if it applies, and apply the number greater than 10 (instead? as well?) or apply the complex incomprehensible freestyle instruction (instead? as well?).
5) ALSO iAT THE SAME TIME The GM must look up their monster entry to see if each/any card they drew is on the "special card" list for the monster. Just gonna guess. Player characters with supernatural abilities might also have to do this.
6) Special effects of cards CAN INCLUDE DRAWING MORE CARDS.

So to be clear. The basic RNG from this game requires multiple look ups for multiple players, simultaneously, and the RNG gives you ranges from 1-10 or maybe 1-16 or maybe 2-20 or maybe 3-30 or perhaps 4-52 AND maybe add "Intensity", somehow? and also requires you to do two separate look ups for non-numeric components per card "Thrown". You also have to say you are "throwing" cards. I did joke about immitating gambit and throwing cards at the GM as an RNG method... but... maybe you do? Maybe you should?.

The Shape Of Things To Come
So yeah. I've spoiled this by mentioning the coffee table book. But remember that at some point sample pages of this thing were changed from a relatively standard format to some other deformed format?

Well it's a "coffee table book". This is meant to be a book you leave out prominently on display for it's pure beauty and because you want to show it off to guests. So they can just like leaf through it and enjoy.

No. Not with this art style. Not with this writing. Not with this author. Hide it. Hide it and show no one.

Testicle Title Evolves
First the title background image was more like a rock with skin disease. Then it was more obviously just a tea bagging scrotum with skin disease. NOW for later titles its more like a badly lit portion of a colonoscopy holiday snaps collection. With skin disease.

All bold and attractive choices.

Moar samples of the BEST available materials!
Lets see. "Choking Ghosts". Uhuh. "Foetal Gods". Look I just want to ask. When does it stop being a REAL Freudian slip and start becoming a fake "Performative Freudian Slip" of some form? And when do you fake your Freudian slips to deliberately insinuate a disturbing sexual and misogynistic undertone long enough and hard enough that it wraps back around and once more becomes a disturbing insight into author that was never intended?

Am I being unfair in my horror vs creep factor standards?
Hey! It's horror right! And I mean. It's meant to be a bit wrong and confronting and...

NO. Stop it. There are limits. This is over the limit. That's the point. When I mention these things it's because as far as I can tell they went too far or in the wrong tangential directions. Your limits may vary, I hope to hell you find them on a line this project steps over at some point.

In fact. It REALLY feels like this stuff is the material the author really really wanted to obsess over and the "horror" tag is just a post facto convenient and all too inadequate fig leave for it.

Not that the scrotal title bars can be bothered wearing fig leaves.

Is this because of what we know from experiencing this guy in the past or the allegations against him? I think not. This material, on it's own screams out "Bad Touch GM" to me. And it keeps doing it. Again and again.

The Stretch Team
We already got lots of meaningless self praise. This extends to other authors and artists I don't really know or want to know.

But for thoroughness and because I've seen so many names of former collaborators and supporters denouncing the main author.

I searched the author with each collaborator name just to check. And also to learn anything at all about these guys the kickstarter acts like I should recognize by name.

The main kickstarter project guy. Mike Evans... has done his best to distance himself without destroying the project and bankrupting his up yours logo RPG publishing business. Posting things which look more like a low key disowning than an outright denouncement of the main author.

Shawn Cheng, probably the next most important collaborator is an artist very slightly better than Zak S at another genre of art I also personally dislike. No sign of internet drama with the author, updates suggest that even if he isn't working with them they are still working with his layout. If you recall, they are somehow still at least recently "inserting it into the narrative". Otherwise all you get on a shallow search is pictures of him an Zak at an art event. Someone gave Zak a baby. Baby looks unimpressed.

The first stretch goal content is, for who knows what reason, "monsters from Filipino folklore". By Mabel Harper. Who seems to have at least disowned the material itself and asked for her name to be taken off the project. Her name is of course somehow still on the kickstarter selling the project. This is over all a net positive for the project because at least her disowning of the material seems to have confirmed she at least completed it.

The next high priority goal is... realistic military and wartime horror? For a setting that has the singular defining trait of being based on some sort of gritty 90s Punk City. That author somehow gives me AFL results. I think I found a RPG related twitter presence, but got no hits on him being ever associated with ANY Zak other than the Demon City kickstarter itself. The lack of results seems ominous, but hey, probably fine right?

THEN we get the priority stretch goal of "research" so. Only on a stretch goal you get text on... research? In this investigative horror game with a "research" skill as a base skill? They farmed THAT out to another guy? As a stretch goal. AFTER Filipino monsters and realistic military? Also this goal includes European Cities. Which seems. Better, but also seems out of place as a stretch goal by a guest author for a game that claimed to be the ultimate horror game specifically for any city ever. This guy was not found on the shallow name search so I call too hard and give up. But. This guy, his name is "Richard Guy". Yep. An actual "Dick" Guy. He is probably real, his name is probably that unfortunate. Sorry man, blame your parents for me next time you see them. He seems like he has a rambling blog rabbit hole of his own I don't want to go down. He has recently been obsessing about James Bond for at least 4 long posts running.

Next priority is... " rituals and south-east asian folk magic"? Wait. What. So we get Filipino folklore monsters AND later and separately and by someone else this... the Philippines is IN South-east Asia. Anyway. It's by Zedeck Siew. The second result on the name search was him regretting any association with the main author, refusing to disown the quality of his own work (good for him?) but saying he will never produce work for the main author again. Or defend him. Or consider him a friend. Still again, low key confirmation the work was actually done!

At $37000... Zzarchov Kowolski provides... a monster. Zzarchov has a history of working with Zak and no obviously drama on a five second search. I suspect other Gaming Den people would know more. Whole lot of flame princess stuff in there, I don't remember the details of it myself only that there were details and complications. Still though I think its more damning that this goal is ONE MONSTER.

Ben Laurence writes something on "Meta Cults" (whut). Anyway Ben Laurence has a long apologetic post about Zak. Which includes this.

He said that it sucked getting kicked out of my game, but I could make it up to him by writing a piece for his upcoming horror game Demon City. It felt transactional and icky. His framing it as something I owed him made it hard to write the thing, and I refused money for it in the end although Mike Evans offered. But I wish to God I hadn't agreed to write it, and hadn't promoted his game by posting about the kickstarter on google plus. So I'm sorry for that too.

Again though. Low key confirmation of a text complete piece of content!

Now a "Modern Horror Scenario" from... Christopher Zeischegg. Creditted with names of things that seem sketchy just based on their names. Oh. They are semi-fictional porn memoires and stuff. Ah. This is another porn industry turned artist turned writer guy that cross promotes with the main author. There is bound to be more. But it didn't turn up in 5 seconds and I'm increasingly worried what I would dig up if I keep going on this one. Even if it is in no way incriminating towards this project in any way.

Another few thou down the drain and its both one monster AND one witch "from OSR’s queen of glittering weirdness, Scrap Princess."! Who is firmly on the list of people who have denounced the main author on the internet. Also. One monster and one witch. Yep.

Next up is Cursed Internet (haha, highly relevant) by Jordan Shiveley. Not that much on the 2 second denouncement search. Seems to have worked with main author in the past. But like a lot of guys its surprisingly hard to see any recent link to the main author. Often not much of a presence at all. I don't think this is censorship or shunning, not all the time. I think this list of "big names" selling this project... are just a random grab bag of anyone and everyone Zak S can convince to write a few pages for him no matter how low profile, or in some cases reluctant. I mean... that quote from Ben even suggests that attempts were made to bum these contributions off people FOR FREE. To his credit, Mike apparently has offered at least Ben some sort of payment. It's just that implies OTHERWISE he and maybe others weren't being paid. I bet their "payment" was going to be "exposure". Just not the kind they ended up getting.

Lets pause for a moment. NOT ONE of the stretch goals so far is anything other than the main Author offloading the work to OTHER authors.

Then Evan Elkins writes about horror in the woods. STILL not work by the main author. Yet ANOTHER guy who seems to be... just someone who GMed a game for the author in 2018 and uh... nothing much going on since detectable by a 5 second google search. But also. horror in the woods? For this game explicitly about horror IN THE CITY.

And now...

Mike Evans creates a table of horrific murders that can be used to as inspiration or to launch a scenario.

Mike... next to Zak you've been looking pretty reasonable and rational about this, but between this and that one bit of that one video of yours I watched... Without Zak in the room you would be the one triggering the "If he tries to shake hands just jump out the window" vibes.

Then "Author/activist Linda Tirado" writes on political corruption. Last mention I found before my definitely real 5 second time limit was someone saying somewhere that Linda was one of the only additional authors on this project that didn't essentially disown and have her payment donated to charity. Which just makes me ask? Some of these guys were getting a payment now?

Then its Vanessa Veselka STILL NOT ZAK writing on god damn it, just three miscellaneous things no one cares about. Another rando from a game the author once played in/ran last linked to the main author pre 2018. No obvious denunciation in 5 seconds flat?

AN ONLINE RANDOM NPC GENERATOR. No wait. An Online Random NPC NAME generator. That is... less impressive. The most important thing about "Logan Knight" and "DIY RPG Productions" (isn't that just Mike Evans?) doing this, the possible most meaningful piece of bonus content (a... name list/randomize on the internet) is that even when someone was like "and who will MERELY HELP compile the backer name list for the promised name generator and provide other names?"... the main author said something like "Mike get some other rando to help you do it".

At $62000 Logan and DIY and... Zak finally? Will make a "whole pack of online random generators for Hosts to use". If they STILL just generate the equivalent of a NAME rather than and NPC that is still shit, but hey, probably the BIGGEST most AMBITIOUS goal yet, AND the main author finally makes an appearance. With help.

Edit: Oh and these generators don't exist yet
I feel like these generators, which remember are probably just online lists of nothing more than names/subject titles you don't get to see all of in one go. SHOULD BE DONE BY NOW.

There is no reason for them not to be up and operational for all the world to see.

In fact it would be something to produce to re-assure the backers that the late project IS actually real and nearing completion, 3 years ago.

But I did a google search and couldn't find them.

I however found enough OTHER rando rpg themed name and "content" generators to totally devalue them as a product at a fundamental level.

And then Kickstarter Stretch Goals somehow get slightly weirder
$62000 is the last unlocked stretch goal. WHICH IS ODD. Because they raised enough money to meet the NEXT two stretch goals.

They are apparently last minute ones from Kenneth Hite. Who must have instantly regretted it having since denounced Zak and promised never to work with him again or even share a credits page with him. Still again. Low key confirmation of completed content TWICE and low key confirmation of payment! ... and subsequent donation to charity.

But... why is it still unconfirmed despite being funded AND completed?

Last goal is best goal
There is one more stretch goal both unfunded (as marked) AND unfunded compared to actual funding.

ITS A FUCKING TAROT CARD DECK MADE TO ACTUALLY BE USED WITH THE GAME.

The one fucking thing that would to me make this game at least be a coherent project, the illustrated (and presumably properly marked with rules text) Tarot deck for this game's key unique mechanical feature on which it could also show off the also key featured "Gorgeous Art". THAT is an unfunded and the most expensive by far stretch goal.

Is it a coincidence that THIS is the goal that would require lots of actual real work by the main author/artist. No shit it isn't. Illustrating a whole tarot deck IS real work I know a professional artist (a good one) who has done it, more than once, it makes sense it's a solid 10 thou ish over everything else. If anything, it's kinda a low price, but I guess its... um... art that clearly isn't as hard to knock out...

But then hilariously. Not met. Not funded. The core feature that should have made or broken this project (if we just pretend an ideal world where EVERYTHING ELSE does not break it), was walled behind the highest stretch goal and failed so the main author/artist could avoid doing the work.

Not at all a bad sign for the whole project and clearly not something explaining everything that has happened since.

Anything Else
25 people paid $1 each to this project and will get NOTHING in return. Except their names in the NPC name generator. So they paid $1 each to REDUCE the work the author Logan has to do making up names for a list.

I'm not going to assume they are all rando idiots and craven boot lickers.

Instead I assume there are 25 REALLY interesting names the Author is now obligated to include in the project no matter how much they might not want to.

There are some cryptic comments to NOT pay $30 extra (what?) and about postage not being included. And NOW the only remaining material I have access to is Comments and Updates. I don't know? Maybe I'll look, more, into those?

If anyone has more to contribute...
I am sure in the list of stretch goal contributor names I have DEFINITELY missed details, and I SUSPECT I have missed some juicy ones. I also suspect there are posters around here who know where additional denunciations, or worse, defenses, are. So if anyone wants to elaborate...

[Neo Phonelobster Prime]

Aaaand its out. Maybe. Sort of. Definitely.
But probably partially. And in a typical fucking train wreck fashion.

There is now an update 70!

It's out. Complete, refined time and again with multiple revisions and do overs finally this game has very belatedly reached release.

Is it that simple though? Is it simple just out?

Fuck no, who do you think we are talking about here?

It was announced released on the 5th of November. A date which normally occurs in "early September" but which for some reason this year was delayed another two months (and 3 or 4 years) without explanation.

But the release is PDF only, the printing is "the next phase with the manufacturer" and is being "moved on to" and there will be future updates on that.

People in comments as recently as about the 18th of November were asking if they could buy a hardcopy and Mike says "buy it on my store!"... once it is printed, no mention of a vague time window in which that will happen. You might imagine that a good 13 or so days of "moving on" to the "next phase" might have gotten, just even a vague indication from "the manufacturer" like maybe enough to say "available on my e-store early 2023! (pending updates)". Nope. Probably wise bet hedging there by Mike all things considered.

Who cares about hard copies though right? I mean, only the most craven fans of the worst material on the internet actually think this is a genuine art book worth showing off for physical visual appeal right? This is all about the PDF right?

And THAT is out right?

Well. Kinda.

Lets start with the "is it out?".

The PDF is probably out there. But possibly not in the way that backers wanted or expected. Since major distributors don't want anything to do with it... it's on the up yours finger logo DIY productions store.

You need to enter a coupon code for it. And also give your personal details to the store to have an account there. Giving personal details to people that work with Zak S being something that some backers seem oddly reluctant to do. But also a process which for some backers, does not seem to work.

I mean. IF they got their email with their coupon code. Mike TRIED to send out coupon codes via Gmail Emails. But Gmail said no at bulk emailing over 500 emails in a go and shut him out for at least 2 days then he went and found some app for his DIY store software/provider and did it (or the rest of it?) that way by around about the 7th maybe though who knows. And just... What? no I'm fully not surprised Gmail did that, I'm surprised that this is the very professional planned for 4 years digital release methodology "We will just like do some sort of forward to over 1000 recipients in a gmail" What? And then being all "fuck it, we've been waiting 4 years, but I'm just gonna find an app and wing it tonight, what could go wrong?". And... what about security, stability, reliability, maybe combining 2 process, one a seemingly unprofessional hack use of gmail and the other an untested unfamiliar "app"?

Unsurprisingly there are people complaining they have not received there email, as recently as around about the 15th.

But some people have it and it's a fucking perfect work of art
But definitely a bunch of people are claiming to have this pdf now.

They come in two flavors.

Flavor one is jizzing itself in public about how perfect and artistic and beautiful the product is. Nothing about game play (well, except the one guy who called it ground breaking game design, I assume he read it and the ground beneath him broke under the burden of the mere description of the Tarot card mechanics) but they DO love the art! And are already fiercely masturbating about the coming (unspecified) day that their physical hard copy will one day grace the many coffee tables they have prepare for it to be (artfully) placed upon. They are the most trustworthy and informative of sources. Thanks to them alone I know this release is definitely real, and also perfect, amazing and incredible. I strongly suspect I would also be amazed and also not find it credible. So I am clearly in this boat.

Flavor two, which alarmingly sometimes does fan written cross over story events in the same comments as flavor one is to complain about apparently large numbers of really very avoidable typos.

Now who am I to complain about typos, THIS project right here is ruddled with thim. But, this project isn't a paid professional project and I'm not endlessly revising, editing and proof checking it over and over and handing it back and forth with 1.5 other guys doing the same (and doing so as an excuse for not releasing it) For FOUR FUCKING YEARS.

Oh and some of the images on some pages have random bad resolution quality issues. WHAT FROM THESE GUYS WITH THIS KICKSTARTER? RANDOM BAD IMAGE RESOLUTIONS. NO WAY!

Some backers are just concerned that there might no longer be time to get in typo corrections in time for the print runs. Which are definitely real in the works things that moments after the finalized PDF mail out finished started somehow sort of restarted definitely was finalized and sent off to "The manufacturers".

But the creator is there assuring people that it is NEVER too late to correct typos. (But apparently 4 years of proof reading excuses bounced between a couple of guys who couldn't finish this "already finished" book was TOO EARLY).

One wonders if that was just a stupid vapid comment or an ominous hint of the state of progress towards simply sending this fucking thing to the fucking printers that are definitely already paid and definitely willing to definitely print this fucking mess of black ink and reputational hazard ANY (very distinctly not yet specified or committed to) minute now.

Still, for this project this is a pretty high level of probably actually existing. So out of 5 stars for existential credibility it get's a...

Well fuck do I actually have to review this now?
To which I say, I don't HAVE to. I'm not sure I want to, and I think what I have seen and highlighted so far is probably enough information if not too much information.

But more to the point, I cannot review this. Because even if the pdf is now out I do not have access to it personally...

And I don't want any of these guys to get any money from me or indirectly because of me
I'm not buying this thing.

I don't want someone to buy me this thing.

I feel the only way I can ethically access this thing is if I find it lying around for free and if that was NOT arranged by someone who paid money in order to ensure that I found it lying around somewhere on the internet for free.

And while every other RPG in existence has reasonable odds of being "around" for free, this thing has a tiny base of owners that probably isn't ever going to exceed about 2000 people many of whom probably at this point don't even want it, and the remainder of which appear to be worshiping this thing as a dark satanic wank idol too sacred to do something crass with like release to some sort of public free shared access that definitely theoretically exists in some sort of legal format.

So. I don't foresee myself ever actually doing a full review of the full product. Which, in some form now very likely exists somewhere for however long even that will last?

I sure as hell do not want to encounter a physical copy of this. If those finally manifest I imagine they will be somehow sort of oily but also sort of sticky at the same time. Not because it's evil, but because of a bad graphic design/printing decision made by the creator for no explicable reason.

AND BAD GRAPHIC DESIGN ALERT
Also there is something that looks suspiciously like a cover art in the update.

ITS MOSTLY FUCKING BLACK INK.

It has a SQUARE image (inside an extra large coffee table art book format rectangle mostly consisting of that FUCKING BLACK INK).

The image is best described as a FUCKING MESS. To the point that I don't think more details about it's poor color choices, bad composition, pointless subject matter and probably bad up scaling resolution issues compared to the title font need to even be mentioned. Its a fucking mess. THE END. Don't put that art on your cover. Even the fucking creator/artist had better art options to draw from even just from what we have seen from this project full of mostly just really bad art.

The text layout is fucking stupid.

It wants to convey two messages to us (in a bad font that does NOT match the intended themes of the content, but then the art doesn't either).

It wants us to know "Demon City" and "By Zak S". Sorry three messages. It also wants us to know... a dot. Not even a full stop, more of a decimal place.

It apparently no longer wants us to know "the ultimate Horror RPG".

It chooses to communicate these messages to us, by wrapping them around the square.

Now. This is where ANY competent professional OR AMATEUR graphic designer will go "uh oh, this could go wrong".

Does it wrap clockwise or anti clockwise? Yes. It does. Both.

Does it break some words on corners. Yes. Did it have to? No. It could have placed its... dot... differently.

What is the dot even for? Also Yes.

Is "by Zak S" given EQUAL font size and therefore prominence to the title itself? Yes.

Do you want that message with that prominence on your coffee table? Apparently for some people, Yes.

Is it a fucking graphic design mess? Yes. I've seen worse, but it's still an example of fucking dumb graphic design. FOUR YEARS! TWO PROOF READERS! AN ENTIRE DEDICATED "LAYOUT GUY"!

With any luck this pdf will never make it out of the cold sweating hands of the true fans and this (maybe?) cover image might be the last thing I ever have to criticize about Demon City FOREVER!