I rolled 1d2 for gender: female.
I then rolled 1d8 for race: dwarf.
I then rolled 1d12 for class: wizard.
Cool, female dwarf wizard. +2 to Con is neat, wizards can use that. OK. now I roll for measurements. I think, alright, height and wei--
1d4 for cup size. I roll a 3 and get a C cup.
3 sets of 2d20 for my 'measurements'. My character ends up as an 8C/25/40 female dwarf wizard. What the fuck? I'm a goddamn pine tree. This is bullshit. At least I didn't have to roll for anal circumference.
OK, now for some crunch: ability scores. This is unique, so it's worth noting. I roll 3d20, take highest, seven times over, and drop the lowest score. I then assign the six numbers to any abilities I want. I ended up with a 13/19/16/20/16/13 before racial modifiers, and dropped a 9. Pocketing a max roll with a wizard is always a good thing.
Now for skills. First off, for every level I get (I was jumping in at level 4), I get to roll 1d6, and add it to any skill I want. I can only adjust any such skill once ever, so I can't just pile it all onto Diplomacy and win the game forever. So, yeah.
Here's the absolutely horrible part: new skills unique to the campaign. First off, you can never invest any skill ranks in these skills, nor can you adjust them with the aforementioned 1d6 roll. You, instead, gain a bonus to these skills equal to your 'size' modifier. In my case, since my character has a C cup, her size modifier is 7. The three skills and their key ability modifiers are as follows:
- Knowledge (sexual) (Int)
Ride Other (Con)
Seduction (Cha)
We arrive two days later at a port town, and have to go find some information. A couple of our members were decent at Gather Information, so they rolled that. I, however, having a +0 Cha modifier (and, by proxy, a +0 Gather Information modifier), was told instead to look around by rolling a Seduction check. I found someone, and rolled another Seduction check to land him in bed, at which point I rolled Ride Other. I got the information, thankfully.
Oh. Ride Other has other uses.
DM: She did something that made me snort out soda.
Me: ...Did you roll a Ride Other check on it?
Other player: No, but I'm going to.
She was serious. That made me feel dirty just knowing she did that. I mean, what the fuck. It added a tangible benefit, too: it reduced training time for the hippogriff by a week.
I... I want to forget this ever happened. This never happened. Right. We played our normal game today, which is better in nearly every way to this one.