Annoying Questions I'd Like Answered...

[K]

How the hell do I meet more people? I mean, I know I can go out and say hi and shit, but how the hell do people actually make friends? And furthermore, how the hell does one then parley one of those new friends into a relationship? Or at least a one night, or once in a while bedwarmer?

I honestly don't fucking know. I really don't.

This may sound trite, but common interests are the way. You find out what people do that you like to do, and you do it with them in a non-creepy and natural way (and no, "eat food" and "get a drink" are not in that category because they are blatant code for "pre-fuck interview").

Relationships are the same, except you are only going to get play from people who you are getting "tone" from (to borrow a terrible term from Top Gun that was used by my favorite "wingman").

"Tone" is basic attraction. If you can't figure out who is attracted to you, then you basically just need to hit on everyone and not be persistent when you fail. You'll fail a lot, but the key is to not spend time chasing people who are not into you because it is time wasted you could be spending on other people who might be interested (also realize that you get one chance with one girl per social group per six months to a year... women hate men who are players).

The thing to remember is that getting tone is not just a function of looks. I generally get little tone at bars, but lots when I start talking and people can hear me (not bars, which tend to play the music loud to conceal the fact that most people have nothing to say).

The second thing to remember about tone is that once you get it, you need to actually make a move. There is no formula for that, but if a girl shows that she trusts you by not minding when you touch her or spending time alone with you, you should make a move. Chances are you'll be wrong and she's not into you or you chose the wrong moment, so don't be the creep who can't take a hint when it turns into an awkward mess. Apologize or make a joke, and get the hell out of there because "seduction" is a goddamn lie invented by poets and writers.... if someone is not into you, there isn't a thing you can do or say that will make them want to bone you.

If she tries to set up another situation where a move can be made, this is the time you do the extremely unsexy thing and ask WTF. Lots of women like to tease and/or have boundary issues, but have no intention of doing anything and staying away from them is key for a lot of reasons I won't go into.... just stay away from the teases.

Don't get attached to anyone you are not actually in a relationship with. People actually spend years pining over people they will never get while passing over people who are interested in them.

Also, the more attractive someone is, the harder it is to do anything with them from being friends to forming relationships. Regardless of how attractive you are or what "league" you are in, average-looking people are the easiest to do things with for a variety of reasons.

Final note: don't be a handsy fucker. Touching people should be non-sexual and infrequent, and cut that shit out if it seems even slightly unwelcome and/or not reciprocated.

[Ravengm]

On meeting people:

Common interests, common interests, common interests! You're probably not going to find someone you enjoy if you're a vegan and you go to the Meatloaf of the Month Club meetings to meet people. You need to have at least something in common with another person, or you going out of your way to meet them will seem out of place.

If you like reading, go to author talks or whatever and talk to the people there (there's plenty at libraries and bookstores). When you go to the grocery store, don't instantly shy away from other people in the same aisle as you. If there's something that they're getting that you get all the time, mention it in a casual way, maybe even offhandedly. The key is actually taking initiative to meet people. As long as you're not a hermit, you see plenty of people every day. Don't be afraid to make conversation if the timing is fine for it (but please, good God, don't talk constantly when there's no reason). Just having a lot of people that know who you are opens up innumerable opportunities to meet people. Even the clerk at the convenience store is someone you can know on a first-name basis. You don't have to be super buddy-buddy with everyone, but being friendly in general and having a lot of people know you pays off in the long run if you're looking for friends.

After taking the initiative, you get to know someone's personality pretty quickly. If you're feeling "ugh" about them within the first five minutes or so, you're probably not going to change your mind later on, though it does happen.

Also, the internet is both a blessing and a curse. You can find out a lot about someone via AIM or whatever, but it's going to be awkward as shit when you first meet outside of a computer screen.

tl;dr be outgoing.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

If she tries to set up another situation where a move can be made, this is the time you do the extremely unsexy thing and ask WTF. Lots of women like to tease and/or have boundary issues, but have no intention of doing anything and staying away from them is key for a lot of reasons I won't go into.... just stay away from the teases.

I dated a couple women like that. One even kept wanting to do to bed with me, but refused to sex me. After the second time she begged to go to bed then refused le sexahtimes, I dumped her. At which point she told everyone we knew mutually that "all I wanted was sex".

Fast forward a couple of months, and she started sexting me and asking me to meet her somewhere and go down on her. She seemed oddly surprised that I suggested she go buy a Hitachi Wand Massager and let me go back to the game I was DM'ing. I don't know why she expected anything else.

Another girl I date briefly would be very sexual with me, then interrupt with some horrible story from her life so I had to stop and comfort her. My only regret is not telling her directly that if she fucks me I'll listen to her drivel all day but right now I wasn't getting anything from it. However, I think my choice of simply never speaking to her again is very sufficient.

[K]

No offense intended Count, but you seem to have been dating in the crazy end of the pool.

I guess I should add a addendum to my earlier post: avoid the emotionally-damaged.

Now, everyone has some damage, so it's not a deal-breaker, but picking the wrong person to try to form a relationship with can lead to any number of problems ranging from random dudes trying to kick your ass to jail-time.

Here are the warning signs:

1. Boundary issues. If you've been talking to someone for ten minutes and they are getting handsy with you and they aren't really drunk. Also included are the women who just want to sleep in bed and want you there, but not for sex.

2. People who tell you really terrible stories about themselves when they've only known you for a week.

3. People recently coming out of an abusive relationship. You'll find out about this usually from step #2, but sometimes it just slips out.

4. Cutters and drug users. Pot and alcohol are the exception if used moderately.

5. People that have had run-ins with the law.

6. People that brag about their sexual exploits or use situation-inappropriate sexual comments.

7. Rage issues.

8. People that profess that they "don't want to have other people tell them what to do." Being unable to conform to the social demands of work, school, rules at a bar, etc, is a bad thing.

If any of these warning signs pop up, just disengage as politely and quickly as possible and move on.

There is no fixing the truly damaged people at the lower end of the dating pool. They might turn into people who you can date in ten years or so, but right now they are a toxic waste of time that might actually be a threat to your life.

The world is full of only moderately-damaged people who won't give you HIV or cut your penis off. Stick to those.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

I was told at work that my tendency to attract psychos is because I use the term "cool beans". I then flipped him the bird while acting like my eye itched.

I've have made a tentative decision that in my case, abstinence really is the best policy. Sure, there are undamaged people in this world, but they can do a lot better than me (and they know it). And I'm tired of working on myself only to find out that I just fell short of standards in everything I do.

If I date again, I am dating for fun. Not romance, not sex, only because the person is fun and I enjoy their company. And they're paying their own damn way. Because I've made a list of things that women can do for me that I can't do myself, and the list is 2 entries long (and one can be fixed with enough yoga lessons). I can wash my own dishes, repair my own clothes, make my own sandwiches, and I am not obligated to be dragged down by someone else's depression (my own depression is sufficient, I don't need "help").

[Count Arioch the 28th]

Sorry, my mouse is acting weird, I have to tap it to get it to respond. It might need new batteries, it just might need to be tossed out.

[Neeeek]

If I date again, I am dating for fun. Not romance, not sex, only because the person is fun and I enjoy their company.

You ought to take on my dating policy. If we aren't having sex after the first date, there won't be a second.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

Every time I've had sex, she was crap. I don't feel motivated to put effort into it anymore.

[Maj]

You ought to take on my dating policy. If we aren't having sex after the first date, there won't be a second.

[Neeeek]

You ought to take on my dating policy. If we aren't having sex after the first date, there won't be a second.

You gotta understand Maj, the women who like me invariably want to sleep with me on the first date. The ones that don't, don't want a second date anyway.

[DSMatticus]

You gotta understand Maj, the women who like me invariably want to sleep with me on the first date. The ones that don't, don't want a second date anyway.

Then that's not policy, it's just observation.

Also, I've gotta say that dating policy doesn't sound that great to me. Of the people that put out on the first date, how many of them turn out to be healthy, well-adjusted individuals? Not implying female sexuality is bad, of course; just considering the current social norms as they stand.

[Chamomile]

Here's an annoying question I'd like answered. People often rant about how you can't know about them just because you've talked to them on the internet/message board for a few months, and therefore you can't possibly have learned anything about their personality they haven't explicitly stated. Why? Where does this idea that it is magically impossible to observe someone else's personality over the internet originate from?

[Orion]

Heavily dependent on social circle. At my school sleeping together on a first "date" is totally normal, because dorm culture means that you have plenty of time to "hang out" with people without "dating" so you generally only "date" people you've already decided to sleep with.

[Parthenon]

Here's an annoying question I'd like answered. People often rant about how you can't know about them just because you've talked to them on the internet/message board for a few months, and therefore you can't possibly have learned anything about their personality they haven't explicitly stated. Why? Where does this idea that it is magically impossible to observe someone else's personality over the internet originate from?

Two reasons.

Firstly, the exact figures vary, but supposedly about 90% of communication is non-verbal. Because of this if you are basing personality on chat logs or forum posts then you lose probably at least half of their personality. You gain more over time because the actual text part shows different aspects of their personality over time, but there will still be stuff like how people initially react to things or how touchy they are.

For example, lets say someone jokes a lot and finds a lot of humour in situations but thinks that those amusing interjections and observations aren't suitable or don't translate well to forum posts. Anyone reading them won't get that aspect of their personality.


Secondly, people lie. Psychopaths are partly defined by their lying and a lot of people show a different persona over the internet than they do in real life.

---

Now if you are having regular video skype calls with enough Ds to see a lot of the non-verbal communication, they are tweeting a lot of their reactions and you have a verifiable source to prove they aren't lying then you can claim that you know their personality. But basing personality on forum posts really is limited.

[Neeeek]

Of the people that put out on the first date, how many of them turn out to be healthy, well-adjusted individuals?

About the same as the rest of society.

[Maj]

You gotta understand Maj, the women who like me invariably want to sleep with me on the first date. The ones that don't, don't want a second date anyway.

I might consider forgiving you, then.

While I realize that most people aren't me, and thus move significantly faster than I ever did, sleeping with someone in the first week (let alone on the first date) seems awfully fast and destined for ruin.

So because I'm curious, is there someone here who slept with their significant other on the first date and they're still their significant other?

[Jilocasin]

So because I'm curious, is there someone here who slept with their significant other on the first date and they're still their significant other?

Me, and we've been together for about seven years now.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

I've never put out on the first date.

Of the women I've sexed, most put out on the second date, one did on the third, and one put out after seeing her for close to a year. That last one was the most psychotic.

Every single time, it was shortly after cooking for her. The first time I cook for a woman, it makes her incredibly horny I guess. It just doesn't work after the first time...

My current policy is that I'm not putting out again. If she can show me a good time, I will date her. If she's a bore, I'm not. At no time will she be given even an opportunity to start complaining about my anatomy.

I will of course be flexible if I can believe that she's willing to give me 1 of the two things women can do that I can't do myself (and I think she's responsible enough to follow through with it), but no more recreational sex.

[Chamomile]

Secondly, people lie. Psychopaths are partly defined by their lying and a lot of people show a different persona over the internet than they do in real life.

Actually, this works in the opposite direction. Who you are in the dark, when no one can trace your actions to your real self and starting over is as easy as making a new account, that tends to say a lot more about your real wants, needs, and desires than anything else.

Also, the non-verbal portion of the communication can also be a boon instead of a hindrance in that it's permanently logged and you can pore over it as much as you like. The record is perfect, there is not wondering whether you've got their exact phrasing right. And the people most likely to whine about how I can't possibly know them over the internet are also the ones who bleed insecurity from every pore. The ones who I misjudge (probably) are typically the ones who just write me off because I'm wrong and they're not terribly concerned if some guy on the internet has misjudged them.

[CatharzGodfoot]

Chamomile, if you're severely autistic then pouring over chat logs is probably the best way to understand someone, short of videotaping actual conversations.

If you have enough functional mirror neurons to get all of the unspoken subtext in a face-to-face conversation, meeting in person can be enlightening.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

How can I trick my computer into thinking I have more RAM?

My computer had 1.5 gig of ram, and a 3.0 GHz dual-core processor. My brother has said that my RAM is causing a bottleneck and that my computer would be a lot faster if I upgraded.

My problem is that last time I upgraded my RAM (which doubled it), I was told that my computer's slots were full, and it couldn't take any bigger cards than what were in it.

I had heard from a friend you could either partition a hard drive to use as psuedo ram, and from another you could get a memory stick and use that as psuedo-ram. How would I go about doing that?

Second question: All my USB ports are USB 1.0. I want to upgrade them to USB 2.0. How do I do that? I've been told several times to get a pci card, but I can't get them to explain what that even means. Keep in mind I'm not particularly bright, so use short words.

[Blasted]

It's called virtual memory and if you have any recent (as in 10 years) operating system, it will do it all for you.
The basic issue is that ram access is orders of magnitude faster than disk access. If you put that ram onto disk, first you make the ram access, find that the data you're after has been moved to disk and then you have to look there. It makes your machine glacially slow.

A memory stick is generally slower than disk for streamed data, but it can be faster for random access data. Vista & Windows 7 allow you to plug in a usb stick and use it for caching data. It won't really make a visible difference. As your USB ports are 1 rather than 2 or 3, forget about it. To upgrade the usb ports, you need to get an expansion card. Here's one

You may get a boost from upgrading your hard disk to an SSD, but for that type of cash, you could probably do the motherboard, cpu and ram.

tldr; You're going to need to upgrade most of the system.

[Doom]

So because I'm curious, is there someone here who slept with their significant other on the first date and they're still their significant other?

Amazingly enough, only slept on the first date one time...and been with her for years, still am.

[erik]

So because I'm curious, is there someone here who slept with their significant other on the first date and they're still their significant other?

Married 6 years (been together 10), 2 kids. =-D

Neeek's method sounds good to me.


On the other thing with crazy partners... I have a friend who has been trapped in a long term relationship with a crazy woman for a few years. And now he is having breakdowns, depression, etc. as well. I feel like we should have done an intervention to get this crazy chick out of his life, but I dunno. We have never met her ever because she is afraid to meet us... because she's fucking crazy. *sigh*

[Count Arioch the 28th]

So because I'm curious, is there someone here who slept with their significant other on the first date and they're still their significant other?

Married 6 years (been together 10), 2 kids. =-D

Neeek's method sounds good to me.

Neeek's method works if you're a high-quality breeding partner, I will agree to that. If you're clumsy, kind of stupid, and work at a box store, it doesn't really work like that, heh. I'm pretty sure I could get laid within a week if I put forth the effort, but it'd be with women who are equally low-quality to myself, and I'd rather be alone than waste time with them.