[Non-political] News that makes you Laugh/Cry/Both...

Juton · Post by **Juton** » Sat Sep 01, 2012 12:53 am

Whatever wrote:America is zero for two in our attempted invasions of Canada, but most Canadians I've talked to seem to think we're going to try again someday.

Well third time's the charm and all. Germany lost both world wars, but if I where to see a lot of Germans marching I'd still get nervous.

ishy · Post by **ishy** » Tue Sep 04, 2012 1:47 pm

Ebay bans black magic:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000087 ... 96226.html

with quotes like these:

company[= ebay] says handling complaints was a problem when, for example, customers didn't win the lottery after buying a spell that promised them they would, or didn't turn into werewolves after imbibing a potion that guaranteed a transformation.

Some magicians say it was a few bad apples who sold inauthentic spells or potions on eBay who ruined it for the rest of them.

"If they got a true spell they would see the difference, they could see that these can really help people,"

Ted the Flayer · Post by **Ted the Flayer** » Tue Sep 04, 2012 2:03 pm

Pssht. A real wizard would be balor mining.

RobbyPants · Post by **RobbyPants** » Tue Sep 04, 2012 3:01 pm

I heard about that, but damn, those quotes are great! Poe's Law and all, I honestly can't tell you if the last two are serious, or satire. I really don't know!

The first one seems totally legit. I can see some moron calling in to complain about something like that. I don't even know how the service rep could field that call without laughing or otherwise insulting the customer.

RobbyPants · Post by **RobbyPants** » Tue Sep 04, 2012 3:02 pm

I heard about that, but damn, those quotes are great! Poe's Law and all, I honestly can't tell you if the last two are serious, or satire. I really don't know!

The first one seems totally legit. I can see some moron calling in to complain about something like that. I don't even know how the service rep could field that call without laughing or otherwise insulting the customer.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Tue Sep 04, 2012 3:28 pm

Ted the Flayer wrote:Pssht. A real wizard would be balor mining.

And a real warlock has the customer blaming rhetoric planned in advance.

...er... I mean my spells I'm setting up a site to sell totally work, sure.

FrankTrollman wrote:
Whatever wrote:
FrankTrollman wrote:
My Canadian wife assures me that there is a Russian plan to wipe out our maple syrup reserves in case of war.

-Username17
Ask her about America's plan to invade Canada and take all their natural resources.
It's called "War Plan Red", but the plan is to take out Canadian bases capable of hosting British planes, ships, and troops in the case that they take Britain's side in a new America vs. British Empire fight. It is considered a "highly unlikely" scenario, but the US military maintains a plan for war with every country, no matter how ridiculous that is. West Point students have to write about something.

-Username17

This may be the closest America ever comes to being Batman, I'll allow it.

K · Post by K » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:26 pm

Warp drive is theoretically far less impossible than previous thought, using far less energy.

Just sayin'.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:37 pm

http://www.thatsnerdalicious.com/uncate ... me-donuts/

Krispy Kreme is giving away free donuts on Talk Like a Pirate Day. One donut for talking like one, a full dozen for going in dressed up.

My friend and I are taking a detour out to Roseville before our D&D game on Wednesday now.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 1:25 am

K wrote:Warp drive is theoretically far less impossible than previous thought, using far less energy.

As long as we're talking Star Trek Warp and not 40k Warp, that is awesome.

erik · Post by **erik** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 3:14 am

Koumei wrote:
K wrote:Warp drive is theoretically far less impossible than previous thought, using far less energy.
As long as we're talking Star Trek Warp and not 40k Warp, that is awesome.

I'd say either would be awesome, and if either were feasible/real I'd likely shit my pants for different reasons.

ishy · Post by **ishy** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 11:07 am

K wrote:Warp drive is theoretically far less impossible than previous thought, using far less energy.

Just sayin'.

That almost wants me to post this on an old thread here, where I was arguing that faster than light travel might be possible in the future, and someone else was saying I was a retard and it would still be completely impossible in the future.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 11:28 am

Apparently there's a small problem where the bubble catches a layer of neutrons and when it stops it slingshots them at the place you're landing on, basically annihilating everything in the area. So... not good for visiting the family in the Andromeda area.

Fuchs · Post by **Fuchs** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 11:38 am

Koumei wrote:Apparently there's a small problem where the bubble catches a layer of neutrons and when it stops it slingshots them at the place you're landing on, basically annihilating everything in the area. So... not good for visiting the family in the Andromeda area.

But good if you want to wipe out the neighbours?

nockermensch · Post by **nockermensch** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 3:34 pm

Koumei wrote:Apparently there's a small problem where the bubble catches a layer of neutrons and when it stops it slingshots them at the place you're landing on, basically annihilating everything in the area. So... not good for visiting the family in the Andromeda area.

You call this a problem, I call this a solution. It means this new technology already comes weaponized, and everybody knows the huge difference this will make on funding.

One conceptual problem I have with FTL travel is that if you could warp now to a point 2000 light years from us, then point a sufficiently advanced telescope towards Earth you'd see the Roman Empire shenanigans.

In other words, FTL travel + sufficiently advanced optics = looking into our past. And I'm sure this is a pretty much entry-level paradox and that actual timeline altering hijinks (meaning, messing with how events influence each other) would be possible in the instant we got a warp-drive working.

So, at least in my limited scientific understanding, FTL travel is more or less the same as time travel. And we don't seem to live in a world with time travel, so I think there'll be some catch impeding actual FTL travel.

Whatever · Post by **Whatever** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 3:44 pm

There's no paradox there. Those photons have been merrily zipping along for the past 2,000 years. All you're doing is catching up with them.

It'd be like finding 2,000 year old roman scrolls buried somewhere. Yes, you're "looking" into the past, but what you're looking at has had the same 2,000 years elapse that you have.

hyzmarca · Post by **hyzmarca** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 3:58 pm

Causality screwing violations require both FTL and relativistic time dilation. Since relativistic time dilation is real and scientists have actually measured it, we can say for certain that yes, FTL would allow causality-violating hijinks.

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:13 pm

There's no problem with the neutrons slingshotting forward either . .
just end your turn in a direction pointing in a different way than you want to go, close enough that conventional system drives can still get you there in a reasonable ammount of time . .
like, stop so you point at the probably uninhabited moon and use the moons gravity to slingshot you to the planet you actually want to go to . .

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:40 pm

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop ... ferry.html
Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum!

Whatever · Post by **Whatever** » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:39 pm

Slime Has Memory but No Brain

In experiments with the slime mold Physarum polycephalum, scientists at the University of Sydney noticed that the life-form avoided retracing its own paths. They began to suspect that the slime was using "externalized spatial memory" to navigate.
...
Previous research has shown that slime mold can also solve mazes and anticipate periodic events. In light of all this, Reid concluded: "I, for one, welcome our new gelatinous overlords."

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:48 pm

So the next BBEG should be a "mindless" ooze?

On that note, I can only say "Watch Episode... 2? Season J of QI" for my citation, but it turns out jelly (jello for Americans - ths stuff you mix with custard and ice cream at, say, Birthday parties) responds to an ECG. As in, if you hook it up, it shows enough "brain activity" that you wouldn't switch its life support off.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Tue Oct 09, 2012 12:12 am

A mysteriously sentient Muk, or Garbrodor, or whater, that rules from a dark office would actually be a step up for most Pokemon villain groups...

erik · Post by **erik** » Tue Oct 09, 2012 12:21 am

Koumei wrote:So the next BBEG should be a "mindless" ooze?

On that note, I can only say "Watch Episode... 2? Season J of QI" for my citation, but it turns out jelly (jello for Americans - ths stuff you mix with custard and ice cream at, say, Birthday parties) responds to an ECG. As in, if you hook it up, it shows enough "brain activity" that you wouldn't switch its life support off.

Heh, I think you mean EEG (electroencephalogram) instead of ECG (electrocardiogram). However, I have seen somewhat convincing artifact (i.e. false tracings that *sorta* look like an actual person's rhythm) when a monitoring device with not touching anyone had been improperly cleaned with bleach.

This article brings me back to a campaign I ran where a 'rival' adventuring party to the PCs was a group of awakened oozes (homebrew), mildly inspired by Pom Pom from Homestar Runner. The only one I remember his class for was the barbarian gelatinous cube. When PCs had a choice of adventures, the ooze party would resolve the unchosen path and otherwise be the Gary to their Ash. In fact I think the caster who created them was "Professor Oak".

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:29 am

Oops. Yeah, I meant EEG.

Also, while Muk is a scary ooze thing, Grimer actually looks cute. Of course, while Weezing is a miserable/scary thing (and an effective special-based pokemon apparently), KOFFING is also cute with that dopey smile.

Whipstitch · Post by **Whipstitch** » Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:05 am

Weezing's one of those odd ducks where his otherwise shitty typing works for him--between Poison and Levitate he's got one weakness but nobody really cares about singling it out.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:23 am

Although the weakness is Psychic, ie "One of the types most commonly fielded".

Although non-Psychics rarely take Psychic attacks - as opposed to things like Fighting, Dark and Ice, which everyone tries to get.