[Non-US] News That Makes You laugh/cry/neither...

[DSMatticus]

Google also bases its results on region, so if you're not in Australia you'd probably have to jump through a number of hoops to convince Google the terrible cabinet you're looking for is the one that sits in Tony Abbott's office and says lots of stupid things.

It is also the only cabinet in Australia that I deeply hope ends up infested with some of your freakishly large and terrifying spiders. A highly venomous arachnid would make a fantastic Minister of Health, even especially if it's only act in office is to bite some of the other cabinet members every now and then.

[PhoneLobster]

A highly venomous arachnid would make a fantastic Minister of Health, even especially if it's only act in office is to bite some of the other cabinet members every now and then.

Just as long as the spider isn't female and doesn't have a science degree Tony Abbot might well let it in.

[Prak]

I think we should fabricate a persona under the name Mr. S. Pider, get it an interview with Abbot, and send in a large suit filled with thousands of spiders around a simple walker robot in a bad mask.

[PhoneLobster]

Anyway.

The Libs infamous boat people "Naru Solution" was a failure. The Labour governments "Naru Solution", also a failure. The "Manus Island Solution" the "Indonesia Solution" and the "PNG Solution" all declared failures.

So, now the Libs are in they are implementing their "Final Solution" "Turn The Boats Back" plan. Which involves mass murder by drowning refugees in the ocean in secret from the Australian public successfully turning back boats in the ocean still actually really in secret from the Australian public[/b].

Which is to say that the first and key plank in their policy is that it's implementation is now a secret. Along with it's successes and failures.

They say "Hey SURE we have cut off ALL lines of media communication except through our single political hack and his partner in crime fall guy big military General." "BUT they will give a report once a week!"

And thus they aren't hiding anything... except they also say "...information in the report will of course be appropriately limited for a military operation" which is to say we can and will make anything we want totally fucking secret.

This effectively brings Australia to the level of MAYBE actually Nazi Germany style early days final solution bullshit. Because we are LITERALLY now as a population to be kept in the dark of our "Military Operations" against an oppressed minority, in sinking boats in international waters and in our concentration camps concentration camps.

I mean sure MAYBE they are just doing this to avoid bad headlines with the inevitable failure of policy they have always cynically known is useless, maybe they are doing this just in case their useless bullshit also causes drowning deaths they don't want to be held accountable for. And THAT is bad enough, BUT with this sort of secrecy we actually genuinely would not know exactly how far down we now are on the road to genocidal atrocities we were already well on the way down.

It's a VERY scary time to be part of Nazi Germany Apartheid South Africa Tony Abbot's Australia.

It's so bad Venemous reptiles are attempting to flee the nation.

But seriously. People. Tell everyone Australia is treading the path to secret government mass murders of refugees. They need to know. Our nation needs to be an international disgrace. We deserve it.

[Maj]

Wow. Wikied that shit and it's kinda interesting.

[name_here]

Arrivals dropped from a total of 5516 people in 2001 to 1 arrival in 2002 after implementation of the policy.

I am shocked and appalled that people even cared about four-digit arrival rates.

[Koumei]

I wasn't joking when I said it was basically a rounding error.

[tussock]

Man could I ever re-write that wiki article for truth. "Recorded arrivals dropped after they stopped recording the arrivals. Legal refugee numbers dropped after they made being a refugee illegal. Refugees held indefinitely without charge or trial here fell after they started holding them over there at massive extra cost."

I am (was, it's a while back) shocked and appalled that that government used the actual Holocaust terminology regarding their transport of abused minorities to foreign holding camps and no one even noticed.

But then, it's Australia, and being an ignorant racist fuck of a government gets you a big bunch of swing seats in West Sydney. So that won't change any time soon.

[Morat]

I am shocked and appalled that people even cared about four-digit arrival rates.

The sum total of all boat arrivals in Australia since 1976 is 61,964. Jesus, my state gets that many in a good year. Even if you correct for the population difference, California getting the same level of border jumpers that Australia gets boat people would be averaging 2500 crossings a year. That's not even peanuts.

Hell, the total population of undocumented immigrants including all the tourists who overstay their visas is about 60,000. And is being portrayed by Murdoch's spew as this unrelenting burden on the noble Aussie taxpayer. If Australia had California-level illegal immigration, the number would be more like 1.6 million. Even US overall would be about 800,000. But, *gasp*, it's up to being about the fourth largest city in Victoria! Or, in Californian terms, outnumbering such major metropolitan areas as Porterville or Yuba City.

[PhoneLobster]

In minor non-US news.

Tony Abbot this week decided to do "International Relations".

This consisted of 2 things.

1) New Zealand has a standing agreement to take 150 refugees off our hands every year and resettle them in New Zealand proper, instead of in concentration camps.

Eager to confirm this and continue it due to majority public support for the program in NZ the NZ government talks to Abbot... and he says...

"Fuck no you can't have them we are sending them ALL to our concentration camps on Naru and Manus Island!".

2) Tony Abbot kinda pissed the hell out of the Indonesians all election and since with his insane "stop the boats" plans.

So to prove the Liberal party totes can do international relations, especially Asian ones and poo poo to those who say the liberals suck ass at that kinda stuff he goes off on a little international "Good Will" visit to Indonesia (with the intention of largely saying "screw you I do what I want, but lets be buds right?").

So on arrival they have the obligatory press conference...

...and ban the local Indonesian media from attending...

...they even tell the Australian Media attending that "it is just for them" and they are not to ask questions for the Indonesians, who may not get a chance to question the PM during the visit at all and all this is on orders direct from the PMs office.

So... yeah. That's gonna work out well.

[Koumei]

Some information has leaked/been released on that, and his side of the deal involves cracking down on Australians who protest against the Indonesian occupation of West Papua (and their treatment of the people there).

It's like we get to have our very own GW Bush!

[Username17]

So the last time we checked in with Czech politics, it was because the government was collapsing. The prime minister had resigned after the police raided his office and arrested his top aide and mistress (who are the same person) for using money from the Yugoslavian mafia to pay off the head of military intelligence to spy on the prime minister's estranged wife. And you know, other stuff. Then, the remaining members of the right wing coalition demanded that rather than having new elections they shuffle the deck chairs on the titanic and appoint a new government composed of whoever they happened to have who wasn't already in jail. The president told them to go fuck themselves and offered a caretaker government, parliament no-confidenced itself, and new elections got declared.

But now that we have these new elections on our doorstep in a few weeks, and the right wing coalition has completed fallen apart in scandal, who is actually contesting the election? Well, there are fourteen parties contesting this election. Seriously. 14. Many of them are either brand new parties or parties that had effectively ceased to exist attempting to phoenix themselves. Let's go through them.

First, let's do the parties that I don't think are going anywhere: on the right, there's HLAVU VZHŮRU! (yes, with an exclamation point), Strana svobodných občanů, and DSSS. And on the left, there's LEV 21. For the centrists, there's Úsvit and the Greens. And for the crazy people there's the Pirate Party. I would be surprised if any of these parties got even 2% of the vote.

• HLAVU VZHŮRU!, when someone writes their name in all caps with an exclamation point, you know you're in for some class. The name means "head high!", and it's a party all about nationalism. They are an alliance of a bunch of failed nationalist parties such as the Sovereignty Party and the Common Sense Party. Oh, and some Nazis. I have never understood why there are Slavic Nazis, but there are. Not very many of them, but some of them are in this party. Czechs don't respond to nationalist dog whistles very well, and this party is going nowhere.
• Strana svobodných občanů - the Party of Free Citizens. These guys want Austrian Economics, Libertarian Taxes, Draconian cuts to social programs, and oh yeah - a withdrawal from the EU and NATO and ejecting all the foreigners. So they want to drown the government in a bathtub, close all the borders, and give a giant middle finger to Russia, Germany, Slovakia, Austria, Poland, the United States, and France all at the same time. If they actually had any real power, Czech Republic would be conquered by Hungary within the week. But since no one likes or even understands their proposals, they are going nowehere.
• DSSS - the Worker's Party. Not like the Communist Party, that is a different and totally respectable party. Think the "Worker's Party" of North Korea. This is the other party where Nazis go, the ones who are more serious about the whole thing and show up in heavy boots and rant about the need to murder all the Gypsies. However, since the Neo-Nazis aren't an electoral force and haven't been since 1945, and they are splitting even that dubious demographic two ways with the nationalist crazy lady, there is no chance that these assholes will get anywhere.
• The Pirate Party - I'd kind of like the Pirates to do well. This current crop of Pirates wants a bunch of stuff I can get behind like government transparency and a rethinking of intellectual property. Unfortunately, these pirates take their piracy literally and think that the government should basically stop collecting taxes. At least, from people rich enough to own a computer. It's all pretty weird. In any case, with so many other options to register a protest vote, they have no chance.
• Úsvit - the Breaking Dawn party. Yes, it translates to "breaking dawn", and yes, when you image search their party you get a bunch of pictures of Edward Cullen. That alone might be enough to sink the party, but it's also a pro-business centrist party headed up by a half-Japanese dude named Okamura. He's personally very charismatic and has a TV show, and can carry his own district and represents it in the senate. But he doesn't have a policy wishlist that anyone is excited or cares about. And him leaning slightly to the right doesn't get him any points at all because racism.
• The Greens - I can't actually remember whether the Czech Republic has pro-nuclear Greens or anti-nuclear Greens. They have so many fights and schisms that I'm not sure they remember either. The basic idea is that they are a bunch of spineless liberal technocrats who want to invest in the future and save the planet. You'd think that a political party that pretty much sums up the political ideology of Sid Meyers and every single other person who shops at Whole Foods or reads Mother Jones would have a following of sorts, and they did actually get into government a few years back. The problem is that when they did, they went into coalition with the rightwing ODS party (the people who are currently having a meltdown), because that way they could ram through some of their agenda and also they seriously think saving the planet is something with bipartisan appeal. It's hilarious. Anyway, that worked out about as well as you'd think it would, and now most potential Green voters feel that the party is a bunch of "sellouts" and just grumblingly go back to the Social Democrats.
• Lev 21 - this is a new party formed by Paroubek, a former center-left prime minister who happens to look like a giant frog. He named it after the leftist political party of the first republic of Czechoslovakia, which is why it is never ever going anywhere. See, back in 1918 the leftists called their party the "National Social Party of Czechoslovakia". So um, yeah. That is a non-starter. The rest of their socialist and nationalist iconography is fairly effective, even clever - they use the shortening of "The Left" in a way that it also means "Lion", which happens to be the heraldric symbol of Bohemia. But for fuck's sake, literally no one hears "National Social Party" and thinks about the flowering of Slavic democracy and independence. They are too busy remembering how Heydrich was literally going to murder all the Czech people. This party has no future.

Now, there are also some minor parties that may well get representation, but probably won't amount to much. The minimum to get seats in parliament is 5%, which is actually kind of stiff when you have over a dozen parties contesting elections. But it's still not very much and you can be kind of fringe and still get in. The names here are the KDU-ČSL, the Zemanovci, and ODS.

• KDU-ČSL - the Christian Democrats. This is Europe, not Latin America, so the Christian Democrats are a right wing group. Not as far right wing as most of the other right wing parties, but right wing nonetheless. They have one of the largest number of due paying members of any party (second only to the Communists), but they get hardly any votes at all outside the Catholic Moravian villages their strongholds are. Their members are also old and dying, and not being replaced. Back in 2010, they narrowly missed the minimum number of votes to get any seats in parliament, and they could gradually fade away. But they are a fairly entrenched cult, and the other right wing parties haven't exactly covered themselves in glory of late, so they could make a modest comeback and squeak some MPs out of this.
• ODS - the Civic Democrats. Well, this is basically the Republican Party of Czech Republic. They were the head of the government until this latest debacle, but things are so fucked up for them at the moment that they are polling at seven percent. Basically, there isn't much reason for anyone to hold on to the ODS brand anymore, it's too covered in feces. The Right Wing seems to be on a good thing with this "constantly inventing new parties" shtick, and so rats are fleeing this sinking ship en mass. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they simply disbanded by the time the next election cycle rolls around.
• Zemanovci - technically "party of the people of the land", but the way Czech works, the name also means "the personal party of President Zeman". This party is headed by the president, so you know which one he meant. They are basically center-left types who are specifically loyal directly to the president and his political backers such as LUKOil. It's kind of weird. But basically the president feels that he has enough supporters that he can get some of his flunkies and banner men seats in parliament and give him more leverage in there. And polls say he's probably right.

The four "big" parties shake down about how you'd expect: two left wing and two right wing. It's important to note that what with the amount of shit the right wingers have been shoveling for the last three years that the projections aren't remotely even for these parties. The two left wing parties are expected to take about half the total vote, with the two "major" right wing parties getting less than half that. The left wing parties are KSČM, and ČSSD. The right wing parties are TOP 09 and ANO 2011.

• TOP 09 - the Tradition and Responsibility Party. This is basically the Feudalism Party. They are led by a Prince, and they generally want aristocratic lords to have more power. You would think this party would be DOA, but they are really well funded. Also, they are literally the only member of the four party right wing coalition government whose leadership isn't under criminal investigation. They also have mastered empty statements, and most of their supporters actually have no idea what they stand for. Seriously, I've talked to them. The actual adds are dadaist, with their presidential bid literally portraying their leader (who I will remind you is literally a 75 year old stodgy Austrian Prince) as a member of the Sex Pistols. So between the genuine right wing partisans and cognitive dissonance votes, they will probably come in 4th.
• ANO 2011 - the "Yes" party. Does that name look very very similar to TOP 09 to you? It should, because these guys are doing basically exactly the same thing. They even copied the idea of having plain white posters showing their leaders with a serious expression next to completely empty positive statements. They are running pretty much exactly the same campaign, just being financed by a Slovakian billionaire instead of an Austrian prince. They promise a more technocratic and business friendly conservatism that will make less nice-nice with the church and cut short of lowering taxes to the point that pensions can't be paid. Business friendly conservatism packaged with a promise to be less corrupt and ridiculous than the previous bunch of business friendly conservatives, they will probably come in 3rd. If you were thinking that possibly many of the people coming in for this party looked suspiciously like people in the now disgraced conservative parties, basically yeah.
• KSČM - the Communist Party. People still remember the Russian occupation, and it's basically impossible for these guys to actually win an election. On the other hand, old people remember when the salt wasn't iodized and children got cretinism and even middle aged people remember a time before the metro got built. It's pretty much impossible for this party to actually lose badly enough to not get seats in parliament. These days, the party seems to be mostly full of left wing pragmatists, and the unpopular behavior and policies of the previous far right government will probably net these guys 20% of the vote, give or take.
• ČSSD - the Social Democrats. Easily the largest party in terms of actual vote getting. Only very large amounts of money and electoral confusion keeps this party from being a majority in every election. Instead, they get a plurality of the votes and weird horse trading bullshit decides whether they lead the coalition or the opposition. The Social Democrats are probably the most boring party to talk about. They have enough power that they have scandals, but they are so small potatoes compared to what the conservatives get up to that it scarcely makes any difference. They favor progressive taxation, a rise in the minimum wage, and other stuff you would expect center-left parties to support. Note that basically the Communists support all those things too, but also want to do hilarious shit like doing a tax audit of all the millionaires.

-Username17

[Maxus]

The tax audit WOULD be hilarious.

I'd read the reports with a bag of sunflower seeds by me

[ishy]

Well, there are fourteen parties contesting this election. Seriously. 14.
-Username17

Is 14 that weird? How many were there in previous elections?

[Username17]

Well, there are fourteen parties contesting this election. Seriously. 14.
-Username17

Is 14 that weird? How many were there in previous elections?

There are actually well more than 14 parties that are theoretically standing for office. There are like the royalists and the Moravian Independence Party and shit. But they don't have actual budgets and are not even a joke - just a small pile of people who got some signatures and a filing fee for some reason.

What's special about this election is that there are 14 actual political parties with actual budgets making actual contention of elections and sending representatives to debates and shit. What's weird is not that there are more than a dozen political parties on the ballot, it's that more than a dozen political parties actually have signs up and shit. In 2010, that number was like 9 or 10.

Also weird is that will probably be six or seven parties actually in parliament when the new MPs are sworn in. Last time it was only 5. Normally the 5% vote minimum to be awarded any seats wipes out almost all the minor parties.

-Username17

[Koumei]

Are those fourteen parties actually putting forward candidates for prime minister? Or are most of them just hoping to get some seats, a slice of the pie, and maybe be able to make demands at some point regardless of who happens to be PM and regardless of Zeman being president?

[name_here]

Every time Frank posts about the Czech Republic, I feel less terrible about my governmental system.

[Blasted]

Given Australia now has a senator from the "Motoring Enthusiast Party" and our Prime Minister is trying to diffuse a corruption allegation, I can't say I see a great deal of difference.

[PhoneLobster]

Yeah, as evil as Abbot is, he has plenty of dark secrets we should dredge up and charge him with, violent threats/acts towards female opposing politicians in his early years especially (an actual conviction on groping a female student council candidate, on stage, in front of 200 witnesses, that alone would pretty much end his career).

But the current allegations, are lame. I mean sure if true TOTALLY corruption, but sort peanuts level stuff.

What makes them relevant is that during the last labor government a Liberal party member was made Speaker as part of the deal to form government, and the Liberals went on a feral revenge spree against him with a bunch of bullshit travel expenses beat ups.

The person leading that spree? Tony Abbot, a man who as a bully by personal nature couldn't stand seeing a "traitor" not on the receiving end of revenge attacks.

Apparently the fact that Tony Abbot had even claimed travel expenses on attending that guy's wedding at no point made them feel hypocritical, or like MAYBE they might be letting a genie out of the bag that would come back to bite them on the ass.

[PhoneLobster]

Oddly I really liked this story about jeans.

Really, Iran has issues, but there is a LOT of bullshit spread about the place, it really is one of the most stable and westernized nations in the middle east.

[tussock]

@Jeans, nice. Then again: a powerful man is ignorant of the things he hates, news at 11.

[Koumei]

So one of the "big" points this Australian election was the budget. The Coalition party really pushed for a big panic about the fact that we weren't running a surplus any more, and that everyone will be bankrupt if the government keeps spending. Note that we were on schedule to be back to surplus in just a few years, and at that point it would be stupid to keep it in such a way, just stockpiling instead of taking out bonds and investing in infrastructure.

But the point is there was no problem. However, that's what the Coalition really pushed, that was their angle, and despite basically not releasing a costed budget, they managed to get elected on that*.

It turns out we now know how they're going to actually get us back in a surplus: by suddenly paying back all the money they personally spent going to weddings and sporting events and filing it as work-related expenses.

*Well, and on the Murdoch empire's propaganda machine.

[ckafrica]

Czech this out http://www.theatlanticcities.com/arts-a ... blic/7329/

[Username17]

Czech this out http://www.theatlanticcities.com/arts-a ... blic/7329/

Yeah, a really large amount of money has been showing up to campaign for the right wing parties. Much of it is coming through weird, invisible channels. Yes, someone paid a really quite substantial amount of money to put up a giant middle finger pointed at the Center Left President accusing him of being a communist bastard right before the election.

Obviously, that money is coming from shadowy backers of one or more of the right wing parties. There have also been vandalism campaigns against the signs of left wing parties, someone rented out Old Town Square to throw a concert and rally against communism, and so on and so forth.

The right wing can't actually run on their achievements or on their policies. But they can run on spending very large amounts of money on shady whisper campaigns accusing their opponents of being Stalinists. Note that there actually is a Communist Party here, and they aren't Stalinists either.

-Username17

[Koumei]

So which is the most likely source of this funding?
A) Wealthy individuals associated with said parties because they're aristocrats/big business billionaires (as seen in America and Australia)
B) Mafia (or other criminal organisations)
C) The CIA is, as usual, putting their dick money into keeping countries right-wing
D) Space Lizards

I'm assuming A with a side of B here, but honestly, the track record on C has been pretty good so far as well.