It's Personal...

Surgo · Post by **Surgo** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 6:16 am

I have a pretty good job. It's prestigious and a lot of people would love to have it. Unfortunately, I completely hate where I live (the Bay area) and want to go back somewhere rural to settle down with my wife.

So I've been looking for remote positions. I tried to swing remote work in my current job, and had the support of my team, only to be rejected by a SVP in the company. So far I've gone for two in-person interviews, both of which decided they didn't want me after all. I used to be exceptionally good at interviews, wtf happened? I'm afraid I'll never be able to leave this place.

fectin · Post by **fectin** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 1:59 pm

How rural, and what do you do?

Pixels · Post by **Pixels** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 7:34 pm

Cynic wrote:So, it turns out Cranberry juice, gin, sugar, lemon juice and water aren't that great.

My recommendation? Cut the cranberry - in which case you have a gin sour - or swap the gin for vodka or white rum.

Whipstitch · Post by **Whipstitch** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 8:13 pm

Cranberry juice really is just liquid mediocrity. Honestly, these days I pretty much exclusively drink sloe screws, whiskey sours and tequila.

Surgo · Post by **Surgo** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 8:47 pm

fectin wrote:How rural, and what do you do?

About two hours from NYC. I'm a software engineer.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 10:30 pm

Surgo: Look around Ithaca or SYracuse or anywhere in NJ.

NJ is a huge market for Pharma companies. Merck, Pfizer, J&J and hundreds of other pharmaceutical companies are located there. Most comp sci people work either in Pharma or for the financial sector in this part of the country.

Ithaca and SYracuse are big intellectual areas and there are many CS related companies in the area.

Kaelik · Post by **Kaelik** » Fri Dec 12, 2014 11:16 pm

Surgo wrote:
fectin wrote:How rural, and what do you do?
About two hours from NYC. I'm a software engineer.

It seems like if you live in SF, that you can within 40 minutes get to someplace as rural as 2 hours from NYC. Why are you comparing the other side of the country?

Surgo · Post by **Surgo** » Sat Dec 13, 2014 5:57 am

Kaelik wrote:
Surgo wrote:
fectin wrote:How rural, and what do you do?
About two hours from NYC. I'm a software engineer.
It seems like if you live in SF, that you can within 40 minutes get to someplace as rural as 2 hours from NYC. Why are you comparing the other side of the country?

That's not really true. You can get rural, but it's going to be longer than 40 minutes. I live in the Silicon Valley right now (about 45 minutes - 1 hour from SF).

Regardless, we want to move back to upstate New York for family reasons.

Surgo: Look around Ithaca or SYracuse or anywhere in NJ.

NJ is a huge market for Pharma companies. Merck, Pfizer, J&J and hundreds of other pharmaceutical companies are located there. Most comp sci people work either in Pharma or for the financial sector in this part of the country.

Ithaca and SYracuse are big intellectual areas and there are many CS related companies in the area.

Thanks for the pointers. One of the issues I'm having is that we have a specific place in mind, so I'm trying to find a job that would let me work remotely 4 days of the week (or so) and have an office presence once a week.

My company does have an NYC office and I could keep the same job and work there, but my wife does not want to live in the city and I don't want to spend 1+ hour each way commuting.

fectin · Post by **fectin** » Sat Dec 13, 2014 5:23 pm

Try Long Island.

Orion · Post by **Orion** » Sun Dec 14, 2014 3:49 am

lawn guy land

fectin · Post by **fectin** » Sun Dec 14, 2014 4:14 am

It's sort-of rural; it's near NYC; it has a ton of tech companies. It may not be perfect, but it's most likely to give him a tolerable option.

Surgo · Post by **Surgo** » Sun Dec 14, 2014 4:46 am

I hadn't actually thought about Long Island. I know next to nothing about that area, will have to check it out. Thanks for the idea.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Mon Dec 15, 2014 3:07 am

So, Deviant Art is doing an art contest as a promotion for Blizzard's new Hearthstone expansion, Goblins vs. Gnomes.

I decided I'd enter, what the fuck, why not.

Just submitted my drawing, and happened to click over to the submissions to see what other people were titling their's...

I really shouldn't have done that. My "best" chance for even placing is that they are inordinately amused by the idea of a warlock cramming their imp into a rocket to fire them at someone, or particularly taken by my reference to Hellboy and Doctor Strange smashed together for a portal and control gauntlet.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Wed Dec 17, 2014 5:12 pm

I'm up earlier than usual today, and telemarketers have been calling offering me a "a baby loan" in broken English.

Persistently.

So after the first call, they've been treated to "confused elderly woman" and "Karl Childers" personas and right now I've got "Never Gonna Give You Up" pulled up on YouTube and paused about forty seconds in. And the full scream sound effect from Five Night's at Freddy's.

I'm working on my James Bond voice and quite looking forward to the next telemarketer.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Wed Dec 17, 2014 5:40 pm

One time when a telemarketer called, I told them about the hernia repair surgery I had on my left testicle as a baby.

Aharon · Post by **Aharon** » Wed Dec 17, 2014 9:18 pm

I feel kind of stupid right now, since the following was kind of predictable:

I moved into a shared flat 3 months ago, with a couple and a girl I'm friends with since about one year. I liked the girl before, but didn't feel anymore than friendship - and didn't try anything, since I knew she is in relationships anyway (she's poly and very content with her two partners since several years).

We recently started doing the same sport, and she wore ridiculously short shorts rather often, so I became sexually attracted. Now I have a crush on her, with no hopes of it becoming mutual...

Any advice on how to proceed? Ideally, I would want to stay in the shared flat, since it is very cost-efficient. So - how does one un-crush oneself?

Orion · Post by **Orion** » Wed Dec 17, 2014 10:10 pm

Avoid spending time alone. Spend more time outside your flat by haunting cafe. Or by developing an active social life; that's even more effective, but who are we kidding? Watch pornography. Make an OKCupid profile. Don't even actively try to meet people necessarily. It's not about actually getting into a good relationship (again, who are we kidding?) Just log in and browse periodically and have some brief chats/flirts with people. (not literally the chat client because gross, I just meant short friendly message exchanges) It'll take your mind off speculating/fantasizing about your roommate because you'll be thinking about other people who are equally (un)realistic.

Volunteering and saving seals and stuff is also good supposedly as is exercise but again, who are we kidding? Instead, make a personal goal to get really good at masturbation. Allot plenty of time and make a point of trying new things. Don't let yourself off easy.

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Wed Dec 17, 2014 10:29 pm

Try making a note of [at least] one thing a day that you don't like about her. Say it out loud or write it down, but you don't have to tell her that.

Red_Rob · Post by **Red_Rob** » Thu Dec 18, 2014 12:12 am

Maj wrote:write it down

Are you trying to give life advice or write the script to a sitcom episode?

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Thu Dec 18, 2014 1:12 am

Is it really that difficult to be attracted to people and just... not care? I've been attracted to people who were unavailable, and I've been attracted to people while I was (happily) unavailable, and I solved those problems by just not asking those people if they wanted to go on dates and/or touch my penis. There's a lot of attractive and interesting people in the world, and you're going to date a lot less of them than you meet, and it's not really that big a deal. This isn't a romcom or anything; the sort of transient infatuation people sometimes feel for close friends doesn't have to be (and shouldn't be) a difficult-to-confront longing.

I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes it's helpful to recognize the incredible triviality of your stupid meatbrain's desires. Shallow attraction to the people close to you is so ordinary and banal that it's barely worth thinking about; it doesn't mean anything and you don't have to care about it at all. If you can keep your own desires in perspective, it really should help you take the punch out of them.

If you're lonely in general and that's making this whole thing that much harder, I don't really have any good advice. Figure out how to get some flirting/dating/fucking into your social life and/or develop some romantic/sexual fantasies that definitely do not involve your roommate to replace any fantasies you do have about your roommate.

Aharon · Post by **Aharon** » Thu Dec 18, 2014 6:33 am

@Orion
uh, thanks, I guess? I do most of that stuff already, except furiously masturbating and saving seals, so I guess I'll pick those two up

@Maj
I'll try that, this sounds like advice that might actually work.

@Red Rob
I'm feeling like in a RomCom, so that advice is perfect for me

@DSMatticus
It's not a thing that happens often to me. I don't feel attracted to the vast majority of people, so I very seldomly feel the desire to have people to go on dates and/or touch my penis. My life is filled with work, friends&acquaintances and family, and I neglected dating quite a bit. That's why when this comes up, it is rather hard to deal with.

Count Arioch the 28th · Thu Dec 18, 2014 8:24 am

Have you tried playing Skyrim? Or other game with lots of distractions in it in a genre of your choice? I find that helps me deal with unrequited attraction.

Although I have been given this advice, I am going to say the opposite: I don't think banging someone else really solves a lot. To my experience, one partner always gets more attached than the other (I've experienced both and they are both things I'd rather avoid). YMMV of course, it's not like I'm getting the good sex partners after all...

radthemad4 · Post by **radthemad4** » Thu Dec 18, 2014 1:40 pm

DSMatticus wrote:Is it really that difficult to be attracted to people and just... not care? I've been attracted to people who were unavailable, and I've been attracted to people while I was (happily) unavailable, and I solved those problems by just not asking those people if they wanted to go on dates and/or touch my penis. There's a lot of attractive and interesting people in the world, and you're going to date a lot less of them than you meet, and it's not really that big a deal. This isn't a romcom or anything; the sort of transient infatuation people sometimes feel for close friends doesn't have to be (and shouldn't be) a difficult-to-confront longing.

I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes it's helpful to recognize the incredible triviality of your stupid meatbrain's desires. Shallow attraction to the people close to you is so ordinary and banal that it's barely worth thinking about; it doesn't mean anything and you don't have to care about it at all. If you can keep your own desires in perspective, it really should help you take the punch out of them.
.

I develop crushes ridiculously easily and simply not acting on them is a thing I've always done. It can be painful, but it's definitely doable.

Aharon wrote:she's poly

Have you considered asking her out, or is this sort of thing outside your comfort zone?

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Thu Dec 18, 2014 4:09 pm

Red_Rob wrote:
Maj wrote:write it down
Are you trying to give life advice or write the script to a sitcom episode?

You have to do something to get the thought out of your brain, so to speak. That's why you can't just think it to yourself. But if he wants to turn it into a sitcom episode, I guess that's a tangential benefit.

Count Arioch the 28th · Thu Dec 18, 2014 6:41 pm

You are likely smarter than this, but don't write down things you think at your low points in pubic on the internet. It tends to not work very well.