It's Personal...

vagrant · Post by **vagrant** » Mon Sep 07, 2015 3:45 pm

A girl I like who is a gamer and a transhumanist ( like me!) has a boyfriend, but said she'd been polygamous in the past and enjoyed it. Am I a bad person if I wanna convince her to try again?

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Mon Sep 07, 2015 4:14 pm

No, but at this point you should be able to smell the crazy.

Post by **fbmf** » Mon Sep 07, 2015 4:26 pm

Ancient History wrote:No, but at this point you should be able to smell the crazy.

This.

Game On,
fbmf

Count Arioch the 28th · Mon Sep 07, 2015 5:58 pm

vagrant wrote:A girl I like who is a gamer and a transhumanist ( like me!) has a boyfriend, but said she'd been polygamous in the past and enjoyed it. Am I a bad person if I wanna convince her to try again?

Depends on whether you think your thoughts make you a bad person or not. I won't judge you either way but in the long term that is an extremely bad idea. The only long term stable poly relationships I am aware of started that way. Although I'm sure there are relationships that started mono then opened up that worked out everyone I know that tried that ended up breaking up very quickly (and no, the side dude/girl almost never gets either of the partners at the end).

Also check to make sure your definition of poly and her definition of poly match. A lot of women consider poly to mean "I can screw anyone I want, but all of my partners must be faithful to only me". If being part of a harem is your freaky thing, again no judgments. It's just that most people are kind of shitty and kinky people are no different.

Ancient History wrote:No, but at this point you should be able to smell the crazy.

If you're into kinky sex, you want crazy. You want a bit less than "crazy enough to fucking cut you outside of a scene" and a bit less than "starts crying during sex and calls you "Daddy"' (both of which has happened to me), but the women I've dated that I've considered "sane" tended to be neither creative nor frequent in their lovemaking.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Mon Sep 07, 2015 8:06 pm

I'm going to sound like an old man here, but is the potential for kinky sex really worth the drama?

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Mon Sep 07, 2015 8:50 pm

Ancient History wrote:I'm going to sound like an old man here, but is the potential for kinky sex really worth the drama?

Yes.

vagrant wrote:A girl I like who is a gamer and a transhumanist ( like me!) has a boyfriend, but said she'd been polygamous in the past and enjoyed it. Am I a bad person if I wanna convince her to try again?

[pedant]Technically, if she's into polygamy, you need to convince her boyfriend to accept you as a second girlfriend... I think you mean polyamory[/pedant]

Honestly, my pedantry aside, it's really the bf you guys would need to talk to.

Kaelik · Post by **Kaelik** » Mon Sep 07, 2015 10:10 pm

Well it sounds like he doesn't know that she wants to go out with him either, so... Sounds like step one, ask her out, step two she/you two can talk to her boyfriend.

I say she and not just you two, because she has to decided what she is going to do if he says no, and the answer is probably tell you to fuck off.

Count Arioch the 28th · Tue Sep 08, 2015 4:40 am

Some of the best lays of my life have been between her saying yes, and him saying no as I have been in that situation more than a few times... Don't fall in love with either of them and enjoy the moment if it happens.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 2:58 pm

Is it wrong of me that the other day at work I laughed when a customer slipped and fell?

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 3:09 pm

Shrapnel wrote:Is it wrong of me that the other day at work I laughed when a customer slipped and fell?

Technically, yes. From a PR standpoint, definitely. I mean, that's the kind of stuff you see getting relinked by your aunt on Facebook. "AND AT DUNKIN DONUTS I SLIPPED AND FELL AND THE CASHIER JUST LAUGHED...THEN PLAYED WITH HIS LITTLE TOY, SAID HIS NAME WAS METATRON AND HE WAS EVIL AND SO DUNKIN DONUTS IS RUN BY SATANISTS BOYCOTT"

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 3:16 pm

Well, I didn't laugh out loud... okay, I did, but not in front of the customers. I went in the back to do it.* And it was a customer who had been giving me a hard time earlier, so that meant he deserved, right?

Also, I'm sigging that.

*...that sounds dirtier than I meant it to.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 3:54 pm

Hey, laughter is the best medicine, you were helping heal any damage done by the fall! That's why I always go to children's cancer clinics and laugh at them. I'm just doing my bit.

And speaking of terminal illnesses, it's been around 12 months since grandpa was given 3-6 months for his condition, so that's an achievement. He's been doing well, but gradually getting worse over time. The past couple of months, he's been sleeping most of the time (I'm not one to talk), and when awake just lying in bed watching the TV, only getting up every couple of hours to use the commode and go outside for a smoke. And needing to be wheeled out in a wheelchair. So it was a definite decline.

There have been a few cases where he's had trouble breathing and we've needed to take him to hospital to be put on oxygen, have a blood transfusion and have fluid removed - typically it's not in the lungs, but on the lungs or in something pressing against the lungs.

But now we're kind of entering the end stages. It's been getting worse, and his kidneys basically aren't functioning and his heart is struggling. He comes out of hospital again tomorrow and now we have an oxygen supply set up so he can hit the pure stuff when necessary, and some relaxants that... when the time comes and he can't breathe, we won't be able to do anything about it and the doctor explained that the hospital won't be able to either. The relaxants won't put him to sleep, but they'll make it a lot less painful and more pleasant for him so that when he does die, it won't be in agony, gasping for air.

And we're working on getting various family to make their last visits to see him. He was given the option of dialysis, but when explained that it wouldn't necessary work, and if it did work would involve going into hospital three times per week to extend his "lying in bed" quality of life, he decided he'd rather die on his terms: see everyone again, let it happen, just not suffer when it does.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 3:59 pm

I'm sorry to hear that, Koumei.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 5:29 pm

@Koumei - I'm sorry to hear it, too. My own grandfather is suffering from Alzheimer's, and seeing him slowly fade away is heartbreaking, so I can sympathize.

@Ancient - So, if the books are all bad, and you don't want anyone to buy them... why did you get 'em? Also, if I may take an aside, this:

"Had he been born a century later he might have been diagnosed with borderline Asperger Syndrome ... He certainly displayed all the symptoms: a lack of empathy and concern for others

is just full of ignorance on what Asperger's really is and really burns my ass. Aspies most certainly DO NOT suffer from a "lack of empathy and concern". We aren't sociopaths. True, we may have difficulty expressing empathy, but that doesn't mean we lack it. We also have difficulty making small talk, but that doesn't mean we're anti-social.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 5:39 pm

Sorry to hear that, Koumei. Same goes to Shrapnel, for that matter.

Shrapnel wrote:@Ancient - So, if the books are all bad, and you don't want anyone to buy them... why did you get 'em?

I imagine he didn't know how bad they were until he read them.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:33 pm

Count Arioch the 28th · Tue Sep 08, 2015 8:31 pm

Shrapnel wrote:
"Had he been born a century later he might have been diagnosed with borderline Asperger Syndrome ... He certainly displayed all the symptoms: a lack of empathy and concern for others
is just full of ignorance on what Asperger's really is and really burns my ass. Aspies most certainly DO NOT suffer from a "lack of empathy and concern". We aren't sociopaths. True, we may have difficulty expressing empathy, but that doesn't mean we lack it. We also have difficulty making small talk, but that doesn't mean we're anti-social.

Your quote sounds like it came from someone who self-diagnosed themselves because they think Aspergers is "I can be an asshole and no one can stop me". It's why half of tumblr has self-diagnosed themselves with whatever random crap that they thought sounded cool, that means they can be assholes and saying anything about them makes you "problematic" and an "ableist" or whatever made up tumblr words they like to call people.

Omegonthesane · Post by **Omegonthesane** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 10:42 pm

Count Arioch the 28th wrote:
Shrapnel wrote:
"Had he been born a century later he might have been diagnosed with borderline Asperger Syndrome ... He certainly displayed all the symptoms: a lack of empathy and concern for others
is just full of ignorance on what Asperger's really is and really burns my ass. Aspies most certainly DO NOT suffer from a "lack of empathy and concern". We aren't sociopaths. True, we may have difficulty expressing empathy, but that doesn't mean we lack it. We also have difficulty making small talk, but that doesn't mean we're anti-social.
Your quote sounds like it came from someone who self-diagnosed themselves because they think Aspergers is "I can be an asshole and no one can stop me". It's why half of tumblr has self-diagnosed themselves with whatever random crap that they thought sounded cool, that means they can be assholes and saying anything about them makes you "problematic" and an "ableist" or whatever made up tumblr words they like to call people.

Shrapnel's quote is correct, even if your experiences on Tumblr have left you jaded - indeed, this has nothing to do with claiming "I have X disorder so's I can be an asshole and no one can criticise me!", it was a criticism of a description of a third party of "has X traits, therefore autism" when that statement actually didn't follow.

I say this as someone who was diagnosed with autism as a very young child and who only shook the yearly government catch-up sessions at 15. None of the symptoms attributable to it really lent themselves to antagonising people and then claiming an excuse - mostly it meant I withdrew from what I saw as pointless bleating wherever reasonably practical.

Shady314 · Post by **Shady314** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 10:52 pm

Omegonthesane wrote:this has nothing to do with claiming "I have X disorder so's I can be an asshole and no one can criticise me

They do have something to do with each other because one is "of course I can diagnose myself with Aspergers, I saw it in an episode of House." While the other is "of course I can diagnose someone else with Aspergers, I saw it in an episode of House."

They're just different expressions of the same kind of narcissistic internet armchair expertise.

This is of course my personal opinion as I in no way have any expertise in diagnosing any mental issues like narcissism.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Sep 08, 2015 11:21 pm

En francais! http://www.vice.com/fr/read/la-recuprat ... -lovecraft

Chamomile · Post by **Chamomile** » Wed Sep 09, 2015 12:56 am

Empathy is the ability to understand the emotions of others. Compassion (or "concern") is sympathetically feeling the emotions you understand others to have. Autists (aspies, whatever) lack the first and have the second, although having the second is not always apparent because without the first, it usually only gets triggered if someone tells the autist what they're feeling directly.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Wed Sep 09, 2015 1:10 am

I'm a bonafide diagnosed Aspie. Antagonizing people isn't something that comes naturally to me. And, it's called 'being a dick ' in my book.

Heh. Reminds me of the bus ride to work. There's this old coot who rides sometimes. Looks a bit like Willie Nelson, sounds like Master Roshi, wearing a leather fedora and vest. Badgers everyone about if they hate the "Gub'mint" or not. Laughs like the old prospector out of a western something. A sort of "HYEH HEH HEH!" I'm sure you can picture him now.

So he was being loud and doing his usual routine about "Why, I HATE THE GUBMINT" and the (new to the route) bus driver looked at him via the mirror and said "Sir, please quiet down or change to a subject you feel less strongly about."

And the old coot got mad and said, "You're picking on me! That's not right! I'm mentally ill!"

And the bus driver said something to the tune of, "If you're sharp enough to claim that excuse, you don't get to use it."

Which, really, is how I feel about people with emotional or behavioral disorders, and I speak as one of them. Sometimes I'm thoughtless or inattentive or say or do something that hurts someone's feelings. I don't do it intentionally. I feel bad, apologize, and try to do better. I've spent many years of effort learning to control myself so, most of the time, people don't know I'm Aspergers with ADHD. I still can't legally drive a car (I can operate a car just fine, but don't have a license so I don't drive) but I've come a long damn way from a little powder keg who'd go off on the latest person to do something because he felt like the whole world's against him.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Wed Sep 09, 2015 2:30 am

^ This.

edit: I mean both in the sense of what disorders I have and how I feel about people using them as an excuse for bad behavior. Probably should've made that clear.

Count Arioch the 28th · Wed Sep 09, 2015 7:32 am

Learned helplessness is lame. I keep forgetting when shit happens I totally do have the money and the freedom to do things about it...

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Wed Sep 09, 2015 2:08 pm

Maxus basically said everything I was going to only much better because I'm not so good with words.