Let's Play Fighting Fantasy #6: Deathtrap Dungeon

[Darth Rabbitt]

(Wow, this is getting popular. Guess for under 8 it is.)

Roll two dice. (4, 1; 5 total. Success!)

The Dwarf congratulates you for guessing correctly. He tells you that you must now progress to the second stage of the test. He reaches for a wicker basket and tells you that a snake is held within it. He tips up the basket and the snake drops on to the floor; it is a cobra, and it rears up in the air ready to strike. The Dwarf tells you that he wishes to test your reactions. Bare-handed, you must grasp the cobra below its head, avoiding its deadly fangs. You crouch down on the floor, testing yourself for the moment to seize it. Roll two dice.

(4, 5; 9 total. Same as our current SKILL.)

With lightning speed, you thrust your hand out and grip the cobra just below its open mouth. You lift it up and, arm outstretched, dangle it in front of the Dwarf. He doesn't flinch but says in his calm expressionless way, "Please put the cobra back into the basket and prepare for the final part of the test. Follow me." You do what he says and follow him back into the chamber, where Throm is pacing up and down, obviously ill at ease. You wave to him while the Dwarf opens a second secret door and tells you to walk on through and wait for him. Again you comply, and you find yourself in another circular room, although this one resembles a small arena. The floor is covered with sand, and a small balcony runs around the arena wall. Opposite the secret door which you entered is an ominous-looking wooden door. Suddenly you hear a shout, and you look up to see the smiling Dwarf standing on the balcony. He throws two pieces of paper down to you. On one of them, the words NO CROP IS are written; on the other, RUIN MOAT. In his ever calm voice he says, "If you rearrange the letters of the words, you will find the names of two creatures. You may choose which one to fight in my Arena of Death."

(So this Dwarf fancies himself a Gym Leader, what with all the puzzles and his patented Arena of Death™.)

We want to rearrange the letters and fight the creature that we get from the anagram. But which one: "RUIN MOAT" or "NO CROP IS?" There is also an option if you can't get either, but we're smarter than that.

Errol Flynn
SKILL 9/10
STAMINA 7/19
LUCK 9/13
Equipment: Leather Armor, Sword, Shield, Opal-Studded Dagger, Amulet of Strength, Magic Bone Ring
Gems: Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire
Gold Pieces: 2
Provisions: None
Potions: Potion of Trap Detection (active)
Other: Manticore Parchment, Wooden Mallet, 10 Iron Spikes, Iron Key
Running total of deaths: 3
Running total of "Fuck that shit:" 4

[Username17]

The ruin moat is obviously a minotaur.

The no crop is could be a posicorn but is probably a scorpion.

Since this guy obviously fashions himself a poison gym leader, I would suggest the Scorpion to make him happy. His snake was just a fucking Cobra, not a super giant snake. He's probably going to throw down a giant scorpion anyway, but it still isn't likely to be as bad ass as the Minotaur.

-Username17

[Darth Rabbitt]

You call out to the Dwarf, telling him to send in the SCORPION because you are ready to fight. Slowly the wooden door rises, and a huge, grotesque black Scorpion squeezes underneath it and enters the room. You draw your sword in readiness and prepare to fight the sinister creature with its huge pincers and deadly sting.

GIANT SCORPION SKILL 10 STAMINA 10

The Scorpion attacks you with both pincers, and you must treat each pincer as a separate creature as if you were fighting two creatures. Both pincers have a SKILL of 10 and will attack you separately in each Attack Round, but you must choose which of the two you will fight. Attack one pincer as in a normal battle. Against the other pincer you must throw for your Attack Strength in the normal way, but even if your Attack Strength is greater you will not wound it. You must just count this as though you have defended yourself against its blow. However, if its Attack Strength is greater it will have wounded you in the normal way. If, during any of the Attack Rounds, the Scorpion's Attack Strength totals 22, turn to 2. If you manage to kill the Scorpion without it scoring an Attack Strength of 22, turn to 163.

(I'm assuming that the 22 makes it sting us. Shit, unless the Minotaur had obscenely high SKILL and STAMINA this thing is much more difficult. Should've known; Giant Scorpions are always nasty opponents in RPGs.)

Combat Log:

Scorpion: 18, 18; You 16, 15. Luck test: 8, 8. We are Lucky both times and only take 2 damage. We're at 5, and our Luck is at 7.
Scorpion: 17, 17; You 17, 13. Luck test: 4. We are Lucky! We're at 4 and our Luck is at 6.
Scorpion: 16, 16; You 18, 20. Luck test: 3. We are Lucky! Scorpion's at 6. and our Luck is at 5.
Scorpion: 21, 18; You 14, 13. Luck Test: 5, 8. Unlucky both times! We take 6 damage and are dead.

(Consensus is to respawn right before our death. I will not count our LUCK used in the above fight against us. Do we want to try fighting the mysterious Minotaur this time? Or stick with the Scorpion, the devil we know?)

[Korgan0]

Let's ruin this minotaur's moat.

[Shrapnel]

Yeah, he stole my sandwhich, too. The bastard.

[Red_Rob]

We should have realised that as a melee character a Giant Scorpion was going to hand us our ass.

[angelfromanotherpin]

Yeah, the minotaur is nowhere *near* as dangerous as the scorpion.

If there is any logic behind this 'choose your enemy' puzzle, I can't figure it. I suspect you're meant to look at both, figure that a scorpion is less bad than a minotaur, and then be caught in a trap set for people who can actually solve anagrams and weigh threats - i.e. be punished for succeeding. The alternative is that the target audience is like ten years old in 1984 and you're being rewarded for knowing enough mythology to even be able to get 'minotaur' in the first place.

There's a lot of Tomb of Horrors logic in this dungeon. Virtually everything is either a bluff or a double bluff, and there's literally no way to know which, so any choice is as good as tossing a coin. It makes sense from the perspective of being designed by a guy who is betting one million moneys that no-one can get through his bullshit gauntlet; and it does simulate the kind of weirded-out paranoid mindset your character would probably wind up in. It is, however, kind of terrible as a game, because it is manifestly unfair.

[Red_Rob]

Well, it was part of the design that this would be played multiple times, with the player mapping out the dungeon and figuring how to get past all the traps over several play throughs.

For example, I think we're boned as we needed to get several precious stones to get out of the Dungeon and we only seem to have a ruby. The idea was that the player would go back to the start and try again, this time knowing some of the options, until you had figured the way through that got everything you needed and the right choices to make to do a perfect run. All the Fighting Fantasy gamebooks were kind of like that, but I think it showed most clearly in Deathtrap Dungeon. Both of the authors went on to work in the videogames industry, which seems fitting given the mechanics at work here (Respawn and try again!) seem almost culled from something like Doom despite coming 10 years earlier.

[Username17]

There's an emerald and a sapphire, not just a ruby. I have no idea how many gems you need to complete the thing.

-Username17

[Shrapnel]

It's okay if we don't get all the gems; I have a feeling that a lot of shit is going to pass through a bovine's anal tract to get us a "good" ending, even if we have missed getting most of the important stuff...

[Endovior]

Yeah, I think we're probably boned. We probably don't have enough Stamina to survive a boss fight, either way.

May as well see what happens against a Minotaur, though.

[OgreBattle]

My family has land in northern Thailand close to the Burmese border, I remember talking to my brother about things we could do with a particular valley, he actually said "a park filled with people dressed as monsters" or using augumented reality to project the images of monsters across the valley.

So yeah, we might actually build Deathtrap Dungeon one day lol.

.
.
.
Lets fight the minotaur. I wonder how our shirtless one eyed friend is doing.

[Red_Rob]

There's an emerald and a sapphire, not just a ruby. I have no idea how many gems you need to complete the thing.

In other news, I need to learn to fucking read. Yeah, 3 sounds about right, I just remember always getting to the end with only one or two gems.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(Alright, bitches, it's MC Shrapnel, standin' in for Darth Rabbitt, who is currently down with some yellow fever, dig? You're all at my mercy, now, and you cats better believe it.)

You call out to the Dwarf that you are ready to ruin up the MINOTAURS moat. Richard's wooden door rises up slowly inside him, and you see the fearsome beast, half John Kerry, half minotaur, step into the arena, wearing a yellow raiment of valor. Steam blows from its nostrils as it works itself up into a RAGE, ready to attack. Suddenly, it rushes forward, swinging its double-headed axe... of JUSTICE EBIL.

MINOTAUR: SKILL 9 STAMINA 9

Combat Log

Minotaur 21, us 17. We are now at 5 health. Shit's gettin' real.
Minotaur 15, us 13. We are now at 3 health.
Minotaur 12, us 13. Test luck: We hit, dealing 4 damage. Minotaur HP is now 5, our LUCK is now 8.
Minotaur 13, us 13, no damage to either party.
Minotaur 17, us 16, we are now at 1 hit point.
Minotaur 11, us 17. Test luck: We hit, dealing 4 damage. Minotaur is now at 1 health. It's down to wire here, folks!
Final roll: Minotaur 16, us 17. WE WON! FUCK YEAH, BEE-YOTCH!

(DR: I'm regretting letting Shrapnel write this, but if one reads and the other types this goes much faster. Anyways... You stand over the Minotaur and yell out, "I'M BAD!")

The Dwarf calls down from the balcony, congratting you on your badassery. He throws a sack down into the arena and tells you to relax, and to regain your strength. He sends down Sheila and Tracey to help with this. Then he walks off, saying he will return in about ten minutes, unable to accurately estimate how long his masturbation ritual will take. You open the sack while Sheila rubs your back and Tracy gently massages your crotch, and you find a jug of wine and a cooked chicken. (In the sack, not Tracey.)

Now, do you wish to...

Eat, drink, and fuck the Dwarf's offerings?

or

Sit down, ball Tracey's brains out, and await the Dwarf's sticky return?

(DR: All hail the combatant from the Blue Team. Go now and take a rest. You've EARNED it.)

Errol Flynn
SKILL 9/10
STAMINA 1/19
LUCK 7/13
Equipment: Leather Armor, Sword, Shield, Opal-Studded Dagger, Amulet of Strength, Magic Boner Ring , Raging Clue for Throm
Gems: Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire
Gold Pieces: 2
Provisions: None
Potions: Potion of Trap Detection (active)
Other: Manticore Parchment, Wooden Mallet, 10 Iron Spikes, Iron Key
Running total of deaths: 3
Running total of "Fuck that shit:" 4

[Username17]

Since we only have one Stamina, I think we have to eat anything that comes within eating range. If we die from poison (and this is a fucking poison type gym), so be it. But if we don't get stamina back we're dead in the next fight anyway.

-Username17

[Shrapnel]

Agreed, totes. We should eat, fuck, and be merry. BTW, Tracey is the hotter (and tastier) of the two.

Being Darth Rabbitt was fun, but once is more than enough.

[Darth Rabbitt]

Now back to:

This time there's DRAMUH.

The food and drink are excellent, and you feel much better. Add 2 STAMINA points. Fully satisfied, you await the Dwarf's return.

(BTW, we ate the servants Shrapnel mentioned while bearing my name. In the "consume nutrients" sense of the word. I would imagine that they were the part of the food that healed us.)

After about twenty minutes the Dwarf reappears on the balcony. He calls down to you, saying, "Well, I do have an interesting problem on my hands. Prepare to fight your next opponent." The wooden door rises once again and you are surprised to see a familiar face. It is Throm! He is cut and badly bruised, and doesn't seem to recognize you. He is clearly delirious as he staggers forward with his axe raised to attack you. The Dwarf laughs and says, "The cobra bit him, but he has the strength of an ox and managed to carry on, even though most men would have died. Now you must fight him to decide finally which of you will continue the Trial of Champions." You shout abuse at the Dwarf, protesting against the cruelty of such a contest. He merely laughs, and you have no option but to fight poor Throm.

THROM SKILL 10 STAMINA 12

Despite his wounds, Throm is immensely strong.

Combat Log:

Throm 20, You 21. Test luck: 9, Failed. Throm is at 11.
Throm 17, You 15. Test luck: 9, failed. We take 3 damage and are DEAD.

(If folks want I'll restore our STAMINA to full right before this fight, or else it will be us repeatedly dying. Since the vote is to carry onwards by a huge margin I'm assuming we do that. Unless there are objections.)

[Korgan0]

;(

[Red_Rob]

Yeah, you always know that there can only be one winner but it's still a cruel trick to make you fight the only friend you find in the dungeon. Plus after everything else that just got thrown at you, this is a real ballkicker of a fight. Honestly you had to be pretty damn lucky aswell as know your way through to legitimately beat this dungeon. Welcome to dungeon crawling, 80's style

[Ancient History]

Still easier than the first Lone Wolf book.

[Shrapnel]

Poor Throm. To beefilicious and best-friendy to live.

Let us revive to full, so that we may prove the power of love and friendship by bashing his brains out.

Amen.

[Darth Rabbitt]

Still on Shrapnel's computer, so things are weird around here.

But he just remembered that he had an iPad so we don't have to post on just one of our accounts or log in and out frequently.

Will wait for a few votes on how exactly we continue, if we still want to do so.

And the first Lone Wolf book is much easier than this; you just take Healing and try and avoid insta-kills.

With this you run out of health much quicker than that, and can take huge penalties to a lot of other things.

[Shrapnel]

Still on Shrapnel's computer, so things are weird around here.

That doesn't even begin to explain the shenanigans and goings-on around here.

[Korgan0]

Yeah, I guess we should restore ourselves to full.

[Darth Rabbitt]

So, redoing the last fight w/health restored:

THROM SKILL 10 STAMINA 12

Combat Log:
Throm 13, you 21. Luck roll: 6. Lucky. Throm is at 8.
Throm 19, you 13. You are at 17.
Throm 14, you 20. Luck roll: 6. Lucky. Throm is at 4.
Throm 20, you 17. You are at 15.
Throm 17, you 17. Tie.
Throm 17, you 21. Luck roll: 5. Lucky. Throm is dead.

Exhausted by your long duel, you fall to your knees. As you stare at Throm's still body, a bitter loathing for the Dwarf fills your heart. Somehow you will avenge Throm. Engulfed in your hatred, you do not notice the Dwarf until he is standing right in front of you, a loaded crossbow aimed at your chest. "I know what you are thinking," he says calmly, "but remember that only I know the way out of here. Get up, it's time for you to leave." Once on your feet, the Dwarf indicates that you should walk ahead of him. Back in the chamber, he crosses over to the northern wall and pushes against one of its stones. A door-like section of the wall swings out, opening into another crystal-lit tunnel. With his crossbow still aimed at your chest, the Dwarf smiles, saying "Good luck."

Do you wish to walk straight into the tunnel or rather take a punch at the Dwarf?

(I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. We punch the fucker in the face, no matter the cost. BURNING JUSTICE!)

The Dwarf is expecting your move. Furthermore, you are not as fast as you should be because of your recent ordeal, so he easily evades your punch, saying "I could kill you now if I wished, but I yearn for a hand-to-hand fight. Then he throws down his crossbow and draws an axe from his belt. Despite your fatigue, you think only of vengance.

DWARF SKILL 8 STAMINA 6

During each Attack Round you must reduce your SKILL by 2 because of your condition.

Combat Log:

Dwarf 12, you 14. Dwarf is at 4.
Dwarf 14, You 12. You are at 13.
Dwarf 17, you 18. Dwarf is at 2.
Dwarf 15, you 16. Dwarf is dead HELLZ YEAH BITCH YOU DON'T FUCK WITH TRUE LOVE

(The Dwarf is dead. But so is my Throm. I'll never be free.)

The Dwarf's chainmail coat is of finest-quality iron; obviously made by a master armorer. You strip it from his body and place it over your head. Add 1 SKILL point. There is nothing else of use to you in the chamber, so you decide to investigate the new tunnel.

(We're rewarded both physically and emotionally from killing him! Surprised that a Dwarf-sized coat fits us so well. Maybe it's like Saiyan Armor?)

The tunnel soon divides into two. You hear a buzzing sound coming from the west branch.

Do you wish to walk west to investigate who or what is making the noise, or would you rather continue north?

Errol Flynn
SKILL 10/10
STAMINA 13/19
LUCK 4/13
Equipment: Chain Mail Armor, Sword, Shield, Opal-Studded Dagger, Amulet of Strength, Magic Bone Ring
Gems: Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire
Gold Pieces: 2
Provisions: None
Potions: Potion of Trap Detection (active)
Other: Manticore Parchment, Wooden Mallet, 10 Iron Spikes, Iron Key
Running total of deaths: 5
Running total of "Fuck that shit:" 4