OSSR: Master Race's Handbook

General questions, debates, and rants about RPGs

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sabs
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Post by sabs »

OgreBattle wrote:So, why would an elf ever want to have sex with something not an elf, given the reasons in this book.
Kinky slumming.
And fucking over some Human lord by banging his babe.

Human women let you do the freaky shit.. unlike the Elven Ladies.. who are special snowflake ladies.
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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History »

I wrote a story on that, sort of.
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Post by Chamomile »

OgreBattle wrote:So, why would an elf ever want to have sex with something not an elf, given the reasons in this book.
Rape and pity sex. Because being a Mary Sue race means that even though you're more capable than everyone else ever, you still end up getting raped sometimes because you're just too compassionate to use your amazing Mary Sue powers to break their face in so instead you have to let them have their way with you. This probably won't stop you from cultivating and then acting upon elaborate revenge fantasies after it's already happened and you've lined up your kinky sex scene/tragic backstory for Mary Sue bingo.
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RobbyPants
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Post by RobbyPants »

Koumei wrote:...The Three Little Pigs is seriously a tale of elves? Wow.

Hang on, aren't Wood Elves -Int and Grey Elves +Int? I see what they did there.
And despite wood elves being -Int, they're still smarter than you because they use their gut.

I want to port this over to 3E so elves can get +20 skill points per level (+80 at 1st level) to represent them having had decades to learn shit and give them bonus feats too. Also, they should get +4 on all mental stats, and -2 Con should read +2 Con, because they're actually quite healthy, despite looking frail.
Last edited by RobbyPants on Fri Feb 22, 2013 3:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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hogarth
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Post by hogarth »

RobbyPants wrote: I want to port this over to 3E so elves can get +20 skill points per level (+80 at 1st level) to represent them having had decades to learn shit and give them bonus feats too.
You're joking (I think), but the Ringworld RPG used to give you skill points linearly based on your age, which could range from 13(ish) to 450(ish), depending on your species and a random roll of the dice.
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Post by PoliteNewb »

Frank wrote:Wood Elves are neutral because they mercilessly murder everyone who comes near their hidden camps. How that is different from the "Evil" races in D&D I do not know.
Uh...because orcs and "evil" races don't wait for you to come near their hidden camp before mercilessly murdering you? They come to your house and do it.

Seriously, is:
"neutral = murder people who mess with you, including trespassing"
and
"evil = murder people who didn't do shit"

really that hard to grasp?
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Post by name_here »

Except that the Wood Elves don't traditionally put out signs saying "Wood Elf Territory, do not enter, use of lethal force authorized."
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Post by Lago PARANOIA »

PoliteNewb wrote:Uh...because orcs and "evil" races don't wait for you to come near their hidden camp before mercilessly murdering you? They come to your house and do it.
That facile distinction makes all the difference, of course. :facetious:
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Post by hyzmarca »

FrankTrollman wrote: The High Elves live in "tree towns", which of course are made out of sticks. These are essentially Ewok villages set 30 meters above the ground. It goes on and on about how everything is made out of wood, but it's not nearly as vulnerable to fire as you'd think because the Elves have water and bows. I'm thinking that it still seems fairly vulnerable to the Big Bad Wolf. The book talks about the pulleys and railings and platforms that the Elves need to get anything done, but they never actually sell me on the idea of why you'd do this in the first place. There is no apparent actual advantage to constructing platforms in the canopies rather than just putting everything on the ground.
Logically, it provides protection from flooding and makes it somewhat less likely that you'll be woken up by scavengers eating your face. That's why real civilizations build tree cities, anyway.
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Post by John Magnum »

Murdering people who trespass on your property is evil you stupid fucking shit.
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Post by sabs »

No, Its Texan.


Oh - - I see what you did there.
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Post by OgreBattle »

name_here wrote:Except that the Wood Elves don't traditionally put out signs saying "Wood Elf Territory, do not enter, use of lethal force authorized."
neither do bears and vipers, and both animals are neutral.
Why are wood elves so texan anyways? It's not a tolkein thing as far as I know.
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Post by Count Arioch the 28th »

Bears and vipers are also generally make a threat display first and don't usually chase people that leave their area.
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Post by Rawbeard »

A bear will tell you to fuck off before it rips you apart should you not agree to it's terms of fuckoff. Snakes of course are evil, Bible says so.
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Post by OgreBattle »

hmmm yeah, an animal that just attacks you immediately would be... bees.
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Post by hyzmarca »

Wood elves don't even have property. They're nomads. They move around and set up camp whereever game is plentiful. It's quite possible that their encampment is on your property when they murder who for wandering into it.
Last edited by hyzmarca on Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by fectin »

If you don't know why you would build 30 feet above ground, you have probably never lived anywhere without air conditioning.
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Post by Maxus »

Not to mention, it -is- more defensible. I mean, yeah, they could burn/smoke you out, but this is the one case so far where I could agree with the book (besides elves making no distinction between male and female). Lookouts and bows would help enormously, and could look pretty, and gives some cover again return fire from the ground.
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Post by zugschef »

K wrote:These are the people who have a centuries-old organization of French heads of state and prominent academics that exists solely to preserve the French language (Académie française) and oppose regional dialects. Members have an official uniform and call themselves "les immortels" ("the immortals").
what's funny is they even do that with other languages. a friend of mine is french and told me that in his german class his teacher told them that dialects do not exist in german. she was dead serious.
btw, their school had a native speaker assistant. he was from bavaria.
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Post by PoliteNewb »

To all the people going OMGWTF, let me point out that I never said it wasn't evil to murder people who trespass on your property. I was addressing one specific comment:
Frank wrote:How that is different from the "Evil" races in D&D I do not know.
I don't really give a fuck if elves are evil or not. But there is a pretty clear distinction visible in who elves murderize and who orcs murderize. That's all I was saying.

What gets really fucked up is how "good" is defined...often as "mercilessly murders people with sharp teeth/horns/tails/etc, merely for existing".
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Post by RobbyPants »

PoliteNewb wrote:To all the people going OMGWTF, let me point out that I never said it wasn't evil to murder people who trespass on your property. I was addressing one specific comment:
Frank wrote:How that is different from the "Evil" races in D&D I do not know.
I don't really give a fuck if elves are evil or not. But there is a pretty clear distinction visible in who elves murderize and who orcs murderize. That's all I was saying.
Yes, but given that both of those actions are evil, then regardless of whether or not they're evil in the same way is beside the point.

The objection is that they're classified as neutral despite clearly being evil. Just because someone else is evil in a different way doesn't make them not evil.

PoliteNewb wrote:really that hard to grasp?
I guess so.
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Post by Red_Rob »

OgreBattle wrote:
name_here wrote:Except that the Wood Elves don't traditionally put out signs saying "Wood Elf Territory, do not enter, use of lethal force authorized."
neither do bears and vipers, and both animals are neutral.
Why are wood elves so texan anyways? It's not a tolkein thing as far as I know.
Animals are non-sentient and therefore get a pass on violent survival instincts where intelligent creatures don't.

A trapdoor spider makes a hole and hides in it, then ambushes things that come near it for food. A ogre makes a lair in an area and then ambushes passers by for food. The reason the ogre is evil and the spider isn't is that the ogre could talk and reason with other intelligent beings, and obtain the things it needs to survive without killing sentients, plus it understands the suffering it causes when it kills. A spider simply kills for food or to defend itself because it has no other options.

And I thought Wood Elves being antisocial assholes had some basis in Tolkien? ambushing a non-threatening group including an elf and a Ranger at bowpoint certainly suggested to me they weren't the friendliest sort.
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infected slut princess
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Post by infected slut princess »

Elves are gay.
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Post by zugschef »

infected slut princess wrote:Elves are gay.
so?
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Post by Almaz »

Lesbian sex ftw.
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