I've got the third-best job in the world

Sir Neil · Post by **Sir Neil** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 10:18 pm

(I'm a machine-gunner by day, small-town Alabama cop by night.)

Friday night we went looking for an injured deer, then we got a hot one about a drunk with a hunting rifle. Next I had to help an old blind freezing lady get someplace warm, then we got called back to the drunk hunter's house. Afterward we had to escort some woman's boyfriend out of her house. As he was getting his stuff, he ran across one of her bras, "I'm gonna miss those," he told us, "They were great."

Last night this old man wanted to go to the hospital because his neighbor slapped him. "When did he do that?" "20 years ago." Then we got a hot one -- a bunch of guys are fighting in the parking lot. We're rolling and the dispatcher came back, "they've got a gun and they're about to start shooting!" The blue fury arrived and put everyone on the ground at gunpoint until we sorted out the players. We snagged drugs, a rifle, two pistols and some brass knuckles.

We headed back to the station to work on the reports, but we got called back up there -- this s.o.b. who escaped from dayshift once was tresspassing. The citizens who called were talking shit, "The police can't catch him, he's too fast." We prowled around the corner, and he's cowering behind the building. We're like, "Go ahead and run," slapping our flashlights into the palms of our hands, "we haven't had our exercise tonight." Instead he just sat down. We cuffed him and dragged him to the hoosegow.

Sitting down to work on our reports, we got another hot one -- a street fight. We roll up and some cat is lying on the ground wailing. He tells us the guys who beat him are at the house down the road. Turns out the wailing guy started cutting fools open with a boxcutter at his family reunion. One had a gash down his face at least six inches long. We get everyone to a hospital and are about to get in our cars when the dispatcher tells us there's been a death in Southside. Lung cancer.

Sucky night for my town, but it was a blast for us.

JonSetanta · Post by **JonSetanta** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 10:58 pm

Watch Superbad. I have a feeling you'd enjoy the police characters.

Bigode · Post by **Bigode** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:23 am

"Cat"? "He"? Whaddya mean? Also, what are the 2 best jobs? Hope you don't get called for a death by lupus those days ...

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 2:06 am

Astronaut, Vampire Hunter and Candy Taste-tester apparently rank amongst the best jobs. But I can see that one definitely being in the top three.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:51 pm

machine-gunner: as in you work for the coast-guard/some-other-unit as someone who works and runs the Machine Gun? or is this a service vocation?

I'm guessing coast guard because you are still here and I think you told me about it a while ago.

Crissa · Post by **Crissa** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 9:38 pm

Coasties are all full-time. He's in the Reserve or National Guard. Not that there's much difference right now between those two.

-Crissa

Sir Neil · Post by **Sir Neil** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:02 pm

"Cat" was the old term. You should be familiar with "Dude", I think.

#1 Job: Government assassin
#2 Job: Reference librarian

I'm a National Guard machine-gunner, one of the guys standing in the HMMWV turrets.

Incidentally, the main difference between Reserves and the Guard is that the Reserves are strictly Federal. The Guard can be used by the Governor without Posse Comitatus issues.

Crissa · Post by **Crissa** » Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:22 am

Yes, but the feds are using the Nat Guard in Iraq and training fed troops to intervene in the streets.

Sooo against the law, but to say otherwise is apparently treason right now.

-Crissa

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:07 am

Good story