How do you people manage to move out, and be on your own?

Surgo · Post by **Surgo** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 12:15 am

So I moved into a house close to my graduate school today (Dartmouth, in case anyone is in the area). The house kind of sucks, but isn't as bad as it could be by far.

What does suck? I just moved away from my fiance, who I haven't been separated from for over a year. I am now all on my own in an unfamiliar area. I know no one. I have no knowledge of the area. School doesn't even start until the 21st. And worst of all, I miss my fiance extremely badly. Like, I just spent the past hour crying, stopped and forced myself to eat some dinner, and will now spend the next hour+ crying badly.

Anyone have some advice for dealing with this?

Kaelik · Post by **Kaelik** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 12:30 am

Well, my only advice is that being alone and not knowing anyone is a different problem than missing a specific person, and you should address them as two separate problems with two separate solutions, and not give up a system that is working to introduce you to people in the area and get used to living there just because it isn't fixing an entirely different problem.

As for succeeding at either of those tasks. Can't really help there.

Sir Neil · Post by **Sir Neil** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 1:02 am

My wife tells me that my two-week annual training is harder for her than the five months I spent in initial training, because now she isn't working outside the house.

Therefore, you should probably go outside the house. Learn the area, find out what shops are nearby. (I'd suggest making friends, but I haven't personally made any since two thousand or so -- the ones after that were issued to me -- so I don't have the foggiest idea how to go about it.)

shau · Post by **shau** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 1:22 am

I'd give you advice, but I managed to find myself in such financial straits that I actually had to move back in with my folks. I seem to remember panicking for a couple weeks when I first started being all on my own, but you get used to it, and if you have to move back you feel worse than that time you accidentally told the girl you like that you have a small dick and then she told the rest of the school.

Just forget that last part.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 3:58 am

well, when I went to portland for college and left behind my girlfriend, I was pretty much in the same boat the first night. The day I wasn't too bothered because I busied myself getting stuff set up, familiarizing myself with my roommates, etc. But when I finally decided to hit the sack, I couldn't sleep, and I started bawling. So I got up, opened my laptop, checked my downloads, saw that a song had (finally) finished, and listened to it. IT happened to be "Going Away to College" so it kinda helped/kinda didn't, I called my girlfriend, despite it being like 2am or so, and talked to her for a bit, then just sat up drawing, listening to music, etc. until I finally felt tired enough to go to sleep.

So, talk to your fiance on the phone, and do whatever usually helps you relax. Wandering the area helps too.

Judging__Eagle · Post by **Judging__Eagle** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 6:16 am

5th try. listen to Kaelik, it's easier to deal with in chunks.

1. call other half, it works, believe me. they probably need it too.

2. find a gaming group, run a Tomes game, you'll make friends, or at least meet people

TOZ · Post by **TOZ** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 6:27 am

It really is hard to be away. My wife has her college classes taking up most of her time. Thankfully she had friends in the area we moved to, and is making sure to go out with them on weekends.

I agree that communication is the key. My wife was devastated when her phone died on her. That was her main connection to her friends. It got better as she fixed it. Me, I was in a horrible mood last night when my laptop started having driver errors. I'm still apprehensive that I haven't fixed it yet.

Like others have said, take it one item at a time. Don't sit there moping about it, go out and find some people to commiserate with. Talking out your problems with people face to face helps.

Username17 · Post by **Username17** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 8:00 am

I find that I have to go do something cultural like go to the opera, the zoo, or a dance club about once a week to maintain sanity when I'm working. And about twice that often when I'm not.

-Username17

mean_liar · Post by **mean_liar** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 6:11 pm

Meetup.com for groups of anyone.

I was terrible at coping and relied on self-destruction to keep me busy. As long as it runs on its own steam it worked pretty well but eventually it ends and you have to deal with it, so I wouldn't recommend it unless you want to set your current life on fire and have some cool stories to tell in 10 years.

For me, part of it all was finding a compelling, distracting something and then not dwelling on it as a distraction but rather as an end unto itself. Dwelling on it as a distraction led to depression, exulting in it led to good times.

Surgo · Post by **Surgo** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:05 pm

What my housemate told me was to think of what I'm doing now as necessary to provide a great life for myself and my fiance. Which has worked pretty well.

I need to find a D&D group pronto.

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:35 pm

Surgo wrote:So I moved into a house close to my graduate school today (Dartmouth, in case anyone is in the area).

I'm not in the area, but I've been around there. There's some very nice hiking, which can be good for taking your mind off things (or obsessing, as the case may be).

What are you studying?

Surgo · Post by **Surgo** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:44 pm

Biomedical engineering.

Neeeek · Post by **Neeeek** » Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:09 pm

Dealing with being away from your fiance: Get a pair of webcams and have regular "dates". Not as good as being able to hold then, but it's something.

Dealing with not knowing anyone: Find some sort of community service event thing (one that requires talking to other people), and be sociable. Or go to a well-lit bar and just talk to whomever sits down next to you.

On the bright side, you'll meet a ton of people when you start your grad program.

mean_liar · Post by **mean_liar** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:47 pm

Neeeek wrote:Dealing with being away from your fiance: Get a pair of webcams and have regular "dates". Not as good as being able to hold then, but it's something.

My wife and I maintained a long-distance relationship for two years like this, before we were married. So, it can work. We talked all the damn time.

Neeeek wrote:On the bright side, you'll meet a ton of people when you start your grad program.

How did I miss this? This is going to be a HUGE balm for you - you'll have a cohort of peers, the one thing I was missing terribly while working in third-world Florida.

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 11:28 pm

Mean Liar wrote:My wife and I maintained a long-distance relationship for two years like this, before we were married. So, it can work. We talked all the damn time.

Suck. My husband and I had a long-distance relationship for four years - we didn't even move in together until six months after we were married because I was tied to the business I was running, and he was in school.

The telephone and computer are your best friends. But once you have a group of others to interact with, you'll feel a lot better - your brain will have something to do other than miss your significant figure.

Whatever you do, don't let how much you miss your fiance ruin what you're doing right now. It's OK to enjoy what you're doing - when all this is over, you want to be able to come back with your fiance to show off all the cool things you did, not avoid it like the plague because it was the site of personal torture.

And, of course, not only are you doing this to provide a great life for you two, but you're doing with with your fiance's support (or else, in theory, you wouldn't actually be there). Don't waste that sacrifice - it's not any easier on the other side.

Best of luck, Surgo.

The Gaming Den

How do you people manage to move out, and be on your own?

How do you people manage to move out, and be on your own?

Re: How do you people manage to move out, and be on your own