First, a little backstory. Palladium was started in 1981 by Kevin Siembieda with his first release "The Mechanoid Invasion". This was basically Kev attempting to sell his home campaign as a complete game, and as such the ruleset is basically a hack of AD&D. Palladium used pretty much the same rules in their subsequent releases Palladium Fantasy ('83), Heroes Unlimited ('84), TMNT ('85), Robotech ('86) and Beyond the Supernatural ('87). You might think that laziness and the ability to copy large sections of previous books for new releases are to blame for this re-use of the game system, and I'm pretty sure you'd be right on the money. However, back in the 80's it was fairly common for groups to simply take the system they knew best and use it for different styles of games. This tendency led to Universal rules systems such as GURPS in 1986, and the HERO system in 1989, and so it is perhaps understandable that Palladium would try something similar. The Palladium system, unlike these however, was never built to be a universal system. And boy does it show, seriously this motherfucker creaks like your grandmothers hip when your granddaddy gets his horn on.
So anyway, in 1990 Palladium decided to create a game that would tie all of these disparate games together, a cross-genre RPG that would take elements of all these other systems and create an ultimate game, a system where superpowered beings, mutant animals, wizards and giant robots could play together in perfect harmony. Well, that was the idea anyway. Join me on a magical mystery tour as we find out how this bold, experimental game system broke new boundaries for roleplaying games and created the one game to rule them all!
It didn't, it sucks.
So, first up on my list of hatred, we have the stats!
#10 The Shitty Stats
As an AD&D ripoff, the Palladium system uses 8 stats that are rolled on 3D6. Although it gives them fancy names, these are basically the 6 D&D stats that we all know and love, along with 2 other stupid ones that are bolted on for no reason. The stats are Intelligence Quotient (Int), Mental Endurance (Wis), Mental Affinity (Cha), Physical Strength (Guess), Physical Prowess (Dex), Physical Endurance (Con), Physical Beauty (Why??) and Speed (How far you can move). So far, so D&D right? Well, while these might work in your standard fantasy game, most of them have no reason being in a game about gun-toting super mutants and giant robots. Lets run through them. I.Q. gives you a one time skill boost, but as we'll get to later skills are a pile of shit, so you won't be bothered with this stat. Mental Endurance gives you a bonus to saves against psychic attacks, which are pretty rare and not really worth worrying about. Physical Strength doesn't really matter because GIANT ROBOTS, DUH! Physical Endurance determines your hit points and saves against poison, which doesn't matter because GIANT ROBOTS, DUH! Speed, ditto, the game doesn't even use tactical positioning because guns. Physical beauty is the one that really grinds my gears. In a game in which one character can be a humanoid dog and another can be a baby dragon, how the fuck do you measure objective beauty? It just makes no goddamn sense given the gameworld, and its inclusion is a travesty against God and man. Hilariously, being a humanoid dog gives no penalty to this stat, so furries are apparently the norm in RIFTS. I guess a chick that looks like a doberman is seen as a hottie by the majority of the population. However, amongst all the shit is a nugget of gold! P.P. gives you a bonus to hit and to dodge. Given dodging is the main defensive ability, this means Bonanza! PP is basically the only stat you care about when making a RIFTS character unless you need one for a class, all the others can go fuck themselves.
The second thing about the stat system is that apparently when Kev was rolling characters in D&D, he really, really liked the part where you rolled a hundred nobodies that died at first level before you rolled all 17's and played a Paladin. In RIFTS, stats are rolled on 3D6 in order with no rerolls, and you only get bonuses for stats of 17 and higher. You read that right, stats of 16 or lower are all the same from a game mechanics point of view. Now, they have a weird rule where if you roll 16 or higher for a stat you get to roll another D6 and add it to the roll, but besides making 16's impossible, this just means that you either win super hard or lose super hard when rolling stats in RIFTS. There is around a 65% chance you won't have any stat bonuses at all after rolling your stats, yet there is also a small but still possible chance of getting all 24's and laughing in your friends faces as you ride roughshod over their characters at everything. This shit is unforgiveable, AD&D 2e had been out for years by '95, how the hell were they still advocating roll 3D6 in order?
Most good OCC's (Character classes) have stat minimum requirements, because rolling low stats and getting punished with shitty bonuses should also restrict your character options to ones with shitty powers! You want to play a Glitter Boy and didn't roll a PP of 10 or more? Well fuck you! Ah, the joy of 90's RPGs. You kids with your D20 system, you don't even know you're born... Now where was I, ah yes, stat minimums. There are various ways to mess with your stats in RIFTS, from skills that up your physical stats, to OCC's that provide benefits or pump stats to meet certain minimums, but really if you roll low you suck and should feel ashamed. Because you generate your stats before you choose an OCC, and the bonuses come after you've chosen your OCC, there is no way to boost your stats to play the class you want until after you've already chosen your class! And there's no multiclassing or changing class outside of very specific circumstances, so you will never get the chance to play the class you want unless you suicide and roll up another character. So this game specifically rewards repeatedly getting yourself killed in order to create a super character. OMGWTFBBQ indeed.
There are numerous other crimes against humanity in this section, such as nonsensical or pointless stat bonuses that don't interact with the rules at all (bonus to charm/impress? What?), but I think I've made my point. To sum up, the RIFTS stat system is what you would get if you translated cancer of the scrotum into the written word. I'm pretty sure reading it has now given me cancer, which I am passing on to you so you can share my misery. Merry Christmas.
Next up, we look at how Levels are Meaningless in a levelled system! I can't wait!
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