Random D&D 3.X Magic Items (and one that isn't)

[Prak]

New toys! The cap rattled around in my head a bit, The Sword is something I've wanted since I first read Discworld. More might come as I think of them.

The Sword
This medium longsword has no hint of magic, and it isn't in any way. It is slightly rusted, pitted, has little chips all along the edge, and looks like nothing so much as a very old sword that has done it's job very well for a very long time. The Sword is not magical in anyway. Detect magic will not register any form of aura, it is immune to anything which would affect magical, but not mundane weapons, and it cannot be destroyed by artificers or forsakers of any level for any benefit, because there is literally no magic, of any sort, in it.
This does not mean it's just a normal sword, however. It is quite unique, quite apart from any other sword, and quite possibly the least magical thing in the world. You don't get a feeling of great strength and power when you use this sword. You get blisters.
As such a mundane sword, it is very good at it's job. That job is cutting and stabbing. The Sword overcomes both Damage Reduction (as if it were magical, the proper material/alignment/colour/whatever) and Hardness. It can also cleave through spell effects. With a successful attack on a magic effect in place, or a spell which has been cast, but not yet taken effect (ie, with a held action set for "when the caster finishes his spell"), the sword can force a caster check with a DC equal to 25+damage rolled (consider the spell to have an AC equal to the caste or, if appropriate, the subject, with a deflection bonus equal to it's spell level). If the caster check fails, the spell is immediately nullified. If in effect, the spell is dispelled. If just cast, the spell is countered. The damage rolled is then dealt to the caster of the spell.
Type: One Handed Martial (longsword)
Size: Medium
Damage: 2d8+Wielder's Strength Score (in place of modifier)

The Redcap
The Redcap is a simple cone style hat of soft felt, dyed red. When found, the hat is very faded and firm, and does not register as magical in any way. If the hat is touched, in any way, with blood, the colour deepens slightly, and softens, now registering as faint necromancy magic. Once the hat is completely immersed in blood, it instantly becomes vibrant red, very soft and supple, and starts to drip small drops of blood, even though it is completely dry to the touch. At this point, the hat registers as strong necromancy magic, though it will begin to fade the next day, and no powers are apparent. After a week of not being immersed in blood again, during which the hat gradually fades and stiffens, the hat will return to it's dormant, fully faded, hard form.
If the hat is immersed in the blood of a creature slain by it's wearer immediately prior(within 1 minute per character level), it's true powers become apparent. At will, the attuned wearer may remove the hat, reach inside, and draw from it's depths an over large scythe of darkwood and blood iron which constantly drips blood from it's blade. The scythe is always two size categories larger than it's wielder, though the wielder receives no penalty for using such a large weapon, and indeed, may do so even though it would, normally, be against the rules. The scythe is Magic (+1/3 character level atk and dam bonus), Cursed (summonable as free action, even from hat; reforges once per day if destroyed, though the hat must be immersed in fresh blood before it will reforge the scythe), and possesses one to three other effects, depending on the character level of it's wielder. In the hands of character of 7th level or lower the Redcap scythe has the Berserking trait (immune to mind affecting and fear effects for three rounds after attacking with scythe; cannot cast spells or activate other magical items). In the hands of a character of 8th to 15th level, in addition to the berserking effect, the scythe has the Sharpness effect (cuts off a randomly chosen body part of victims with a failed fort save; ignores hardness). When wielded by a character of 16th level or higher, the scythe is also Vorpal (decapitates on a failed fort save), and will cut off randomly chosen parts (but not the head), even on successful saves.
On a side note, the hat itself is also Cursed. Should the hat be destroyed for any reason, it reknits itself, and will be found sitting, folded, on the owner's gear the next time he wakes up. It can also be summoned as a free action, and is in all ways a Cursed item.
Type: Two handed martial (Scythe)
Size: hat is small, scythe is always two sizes larger than wielder (so a medium size character wields a huge scythe)
Damage: 1.5xnormal damage for size, round up (medium creature's Huge Scythe deals 5d6)

[Maxus]

[Nitpick]Carrot's sword isn't a two-hander. It's actually a little on the short side for someone his height, making it, oh, a longsword for anyone else. And you should totally use that line "You don't get a feeling of great strength and power when you use this sword. You get blisters."

[Prak]

[Nitpick]Carrot's sword isn't a two-hander. It's actually a little on the short side for someone his height, making it, oh, a longsword for anyone else. And you should totally use that line "You don't get a feeling of great strength and power when you use this sword. You get blisters."

Thanks, I didn't really check a lot of things as I was making the stats. I'll make those changes.

I'm considering giving the sword the ability to compel truth, but that's more because of my interpretation of it, than anything in the books (of course, the ability to dispel and counter magic *also* comes from my interpretation...) what do you think?

[Prak]

A Boat
A Boat varies in appearance, but it always at least a mage-boat (a huge size boat driven by an eldritch motor), but never larger than a yacht. A Boat is attended by whipping winds, an entourage of dolphins following and flanking it (2d10 at any one time, all at the command of the owner). It always contains the highest quality alcoholic drinks of the setting, fine woven blankets with nautical themed scenes displayed, and a merfolk concubine for the owner.
The owner of A Boat receives many benefits related to his sheer awesomeness. First, he is so acclaimed and known to be rich, that he need no longer account for mundane wealth, A Boat is all he needs. In addition, he receives an enhancement bonus equal to his character level to all Bluff, Diplomacy, Intimidate, Handle Animal and Sense Motive checks, as well as an enhancement bonus equal to 1/3 character level to his Charisma. Secondly, he and his party need never make balance checks on A Boat, and ownership of A Boat has imbued him with such righteous balance, that he automatically succeeds all balance checks, even when not on A Boat. As a free action, he may shout "I'm on A Boat!" and force all enemies on A Boat to make a balance check at DC 10+1/2 his character level+Cha Mod or fall prone. Finally, any armour the owner of A Boat is wearing appears as swimming trunks, sandles and a colourful, light weight, open shirt, and has no noticable weight, while still giving it's full protective value. Because of this transformation, he may wear additional items of clothing over his armour, and they will also be glamoured in an appropriate way (into coats, ascots, robes, etc.).

[Maxus]

[Nitpick]Carrot's sword isn't a two-hander. It's actually a little on the short side for someone his height, making it, oh, a longsword for anyone else. And you should totally use that line "You don't get a feeling of great strength and power when you use this sword. You get blisters."

Thanks, I didn't really check a lot of things as I was making the stats. I'll make those changes.

I'm considering giving the sword the ability to compel truth, but that's more because of my interpretation of it, than anything in the books (of course, the ability to dispel and counter magic *also* comes from my interpretation...) what do you think?

Well, they say in Discworld that magic actually can't affect iron/steel (not that there aren't ways around that). I don't know about the compel truth bit.

Looks good otherwise.

[Prak]

Huh, haven't run across any mentions of the iron/steel thing, that I remember.

I interpret the sword as a physical manifestation of truth, so that's why I'm inclined to include it.

[Maxus]

Huh, haven't run across any mentions of the iron/steel thing, that I remember.

I interpret the sword as a physical manifestation of truth, so that's why I'm inclined to include it.

Nah. The whole "he'll come knowing only the Truth, bringing the Law with him, and he will Protect and Serve the People with his sword"

thing breaks down like this:

1) Carrot had no idea of lying when he came to Ankh-Morpork. Or metaphor, or figures of speech.

2) He brought a copy of the city's laws with him.

3) He does protect and serve people with his sword.

It's just an old king's sword. But a very functional one, from when the kings were meant to do some fighting and killing on their own.

[Prak]

Huh, haven't run across any mentions of the iron/steel thing, that I remember.

I interpret the sword as a physical manifestation of truth, so that's why I'm inclined to include it.

Nah. The whole "he'll come knowing only the Truth, bringing the Law with him, and he will Protect and Serve the People with his sword"

thing breaks down like this:

1) Carrot had no idea of lying when he came to Ankh-Morpork. Or metaphor, or figures of speech.

2) He brought a copy of the city's laws with him.

3) He does protect and serve people with his sword.

It's just an old king's sword. But a very functional one, from when the kings were meant to do some fighting and killing on their own.

I'm not saying my interpretation is correct, it's just how I see it, and the stats were based as much on my interpretation as anything I've read.

There's also the fact that, while they're not married, to my knowledge, he is in a relationship with a daughter of a ruling family from another country, for another bit of the prophecy.

[Neurosis]

A Boat
A Boat varies in appearance, but it always at least a mage-boat (a huge size boat driven by an eldritch motor), but never larger than a yacht. A Boat is attended by whipping winds, an entourage of dolphins following and flanking it (2d10 at any one time, all at the command of the owner). It always contains the highest quality alcoholic drinks of the setting, fine woven blankets with nautical themed scenes displayed, and a merfolk concubine for the owner.
The owner of A Boat receives many benefits related to his sheer awesomeness. First, he is so acclaimed and known to be rich, that he need no longer account for mundane wealth, A Boat is all he needs. In addition, he receives an enhancement bonus equal to his character level to all Bluff, Diplomacy, Intimidate, Handle Animal and Sense Motive checks, as well as an enhancement bonus equal to 1/3 character level to his Charisma. Secondly, he and his party need never make balance checks on A Boat, and ownership of A Boat has imbued him with such righteous balance, that he automatically succeeds all balance checks, even when not on A Boat. As a free action, he may shout "I'm on A Boat!" and force all enemies on A Boat to make a balance check at DC 10+1/2 his character level+Cha Mod or fall prone. Finally, any armour the owner of A Boat is wearing appears as swimming trunks, sandles and a colourful, light weight, open shirt, and has no noticable weight, while still giving it's full protective value. Because of this transformation, he may wear additional items of clothing over his armour, and they will also be glamoured in an appropriate way (into coats, ascots, robes, etc.).

Well done.

[Maxus]

The Consecrator
This device is large, and shiny black. Its grip resembles a hand-crossbow's, except there's no small bow--just a long, complicated tube on top of the grip. There's a rotating barrel inside the frame above the trigger. When the trigger is pulled, it shoots out something that, upon finding it, turns out to be a small(ish) piece of metal. But strangely, it does not need to reload, ever. The Consecrator is also a magic weapon with an enhancement bonus of 1/3 its wielder's level. It ignores DR/Hardness, and finally, it has a Bane effect for Celestials and Fiends. It makes both the virtuous and the damned holey. Really, really holey.

Type: One-Handed Weapon: Badass
Size: Small
Damage: 3d6, 20/x3
Range increments: 40 feet.

(Bonus points will be awarded for guessing what video game this weapon is from).

[Prak]

Fighting Trousers
These short length khaki trousers seem almost unassuming, but as soon as they're put on, they show their powers.
While worn, the wearer is given an enhancement bonus to attacks and damage with any/all weapons wielded equal to 1/3 character level, and an enhancement bonus to performance (diss song) checks equal to character level.

Finally, the wearer may issue a challenge to a single opponent which, if answered, immediately conjures a rotating platform around them, and a replaces their weapons with heavy sticks (treat as great clubs).

[Maxus]

I almost thought you kept the rhyme all the way through after the first line.

Now I'm doing it, too. Damn you, Prak, damn you.

[Prak]

Damnit! I should have!

edit: read it now.

[Maxus]

Damnit! I should have!

It's not too late. You could go back and edit this and that to be the first person to ever give D&D equipment rapping stats.

-terrible at it. But having fun.-

[Prak]

Capture Ball
The capture ball is a sphere, half red and half white, belted by a strip of black with a white button and a small hinge. When the button is pressed and the ball thrown at a creature, the ball forces a Will save (DC 10+1/2 thrower's HD+Thrower's Cha Mod). If the creature fails, it is shrunken down and held within the ball, where it is then targeted with three consecutive, nigh-instantaneous Diplomacy checks made at the thrower's bonus to improve the creature's attitude towards the thrower.
The inside of the ball is a demiplane which houses the creature comfortably, and becomes the creature's new home plane. The space is rather spartan, though it scan's the creature's mind and produces an environment fit for the creature. Anything given to the creature can be carried into the ball's demiplane.
When the button on a ball with a captured creature is pressed again, the creature is summoned forth and placed at the ball holder's command. It's speech is restricted to only a handful of syllables, unless the ball holder allows it to speak normally. This is a full summoning effect, meaning that if the creature is slain, it is immediately recalled to the ball and heals at a rate of 6 hp per minute until it is fully healed.
There are many capture balls, and many different types, each with their own bonuses or abilities.
Type: Light Thrown
Size: Tiny
Damage: 1d6

Varieties of Capture Ball

• Dive Ball- +4 to Capture DC when used on a creature in water.
• Dream Ball- A strange and evasive ball, it has only ever been found far from sapient peoples' lands. It allows no Will save versusbeign captured. Accordingly, the Diplomacy checks are made at a -4 penalty.
• Dusk Ball- +4 to Capture DC when used in less than full illumination.
• Friend Ball- +4 to Diplomacy Check

[Maxus]

Eyepatch of Power [Moderate Magic Item]
You can't spell warrior without one i.

This is a plain eyepatch made of stiff black cloth, with a headband to hold it in place. When worn, it makes one appear to be a grizzled veteran, making military figures (and guards and police and similar groups of professional warriors)' starting attitude one step more friendly and willing to buy him a couple free drinks a night, if he's in a bar.

After level 5, his BAB gains an enhancement bonus of +3. This may--and will, given enough time--qualify him for extra attacks or new benefits from feats earlier than he would otherwise gain them.

[Kaelik]

Eyepatch of Power [Moderate Magic Item]
You can't spell warrior without one i.

This is a plain eyepatch made of stiff black cloth, with a headband to hold it in place. When worn, it makes one appear to be a grizzled veteran, making military figures (and guards and police and similar groups of professional warriors)' starting attitude one step more friendly and willing to buy him a couple free drinks a night, if he's in a bar.

If the wearer really is a full-BAB class who is using it to cover an eye, it gives an enhancement bonus to Strength and Constitution equal to 1/3 character level and an enhancement bonus to Will saves.

After level 5, his BAB gains an enhancement bonus of +3. This may--and will, given enough time--qualify him for extra attacks or new benefits from feats earlier than he would otherwise gain them. This benefit is permanent as long as he wears an eyepatch regularly.

You are fucking retarded.

You deserve to die for having ever thought this was a good idea, for typing it up, I personally want to murder you.

[Akula]

Yeah that item is stupid. In normal DnD it is stupid and useless because full BAB classes suck. In tomes it is broken in a few ways. 1) eight item limit is not meaningful if you can just make up custom items that have the effect of 2 or 3 minor items in one slot. 2) a bonus to BAB is stupid, because it stacks with enhancement bonus to hit it could be considered the same as a bullshit bonus. 3) giving access to abilities that that are supposed to be balanced for their level 3 levels earlier is broken and stupid, how would you like it if I wrote The Pointy Hat of Casting that gives you access to spells 2 levels higher than you would normally be able to cast?

[Kaelik]

Additionally, provides a bullshit bonus to will saves, just makes sure he breaks every single rule of Book of Gears.

[Akula]

Oh, and vague wording means that by wearing any mundane eyepatch every night just while having worn this thing once, you still get the +3 BAB.

[Maxus]

Oh, and vague wording means that by wearing any mundane eyepatch every night just while having worn this thing once, you still get the +3 BAB.

Nah, that bit was intentional. It should be bumped up to Major Item/ Artifact, but I was screwing around for ten or so minutes while I was waiting on someone this morning. I've been reading Last Hero and some other Discworld, and when I did have a moment to check to see what was TV, there was some western with a guy wearing an eyepatch. Then a friend was watching Escape From L.A. I had eyepatches on the brain and I remembered the patch title/quote from TV Tropes. The wording could be better, but I didn't have time to clean it up to get all the loopholes out.

Also, this may come as a total shock to Kaelik, but he can take a leaping fuck at a rolling doughnut, and then go take his bipolar meds. And I'll admit it's pretty terrible. I'll clean it up and nip/tuck it some to make it neater/better, but, seriously. I was fucking around for a bit.

[Kaelik]

Also, this may come as a total shock to Kaelik, but he can take a leaping fuck at a rolling doughnut, and then go take his bipolar meds. And I'll admit it's pretty terrible. I'll clean it up and nip/tuck it some to make it neater/better, but, seriously. I was fucking around for a bit.

Right, but see, when people are "fucking around" they still have some kind of goal.

So for example, when I am making a class, I might do something like "This class should not have more than 1 BAB per level, because more than that is fucking stupid."

And so when you are fucking around making an item, you might want to follow some kind of rules that would lead you towards your goal of a non shitty item.

Hell, you could start by using the ones Frank wrote up for Book of Gears, they are pretty good.

Here's a summary:
1) Abilities not just bonuses.
2) No bullshit bonus types.
3) don't add multiple bonuses on a single item.
4) Don't give bonuses that stay even if you aren't using the item anymore, and it's not taking your slots up.

See how you broke every single fucking one of those? Yeah, when you said you were fucking around, you were wrong, you were clearly fucking in only one direction, up.

It would be fine if you posted this item in your own thread, where you explained that it wasn't for a Tome game, it was for your own item system which shits allover the ideas presented in Book of Gears.

But you didn't, you posted it in a thread about items that follow tomeish guidelines and didn't call out your express desire to shit all over those guidelines.

[Maxus]

After some deliberation, removed most of the bonuses as they really were too much. The minor social bonuses and the BAB enhancement stay (though that may get tweaked to "treated as two/three higher for the purposes of stuff BAB is good for, except for attack rolls."

In other news, Kaelik is still allowed to pursue sexual relations with high-speed donuts.

[Kaelik]

After some deliberation, removed most of the bonuses as they really were too much. The minor social bonuses and the BAB enhancement stay (though that may get tweaked to "treated as two/three higher for the purposes of stuff BAB is good for, except for attack rolls."

In other news, Kaelik is still allowed to pursue sexual relations with high-speed donuts.

You can continue insulting me all you like, as long as you also stop making shitty rules at the same time, I consider that good. In this case, I reduced the shittiness from four things to two things, so that's progress, I'll let Akula continue to tell you why giving people hats of casting spells two levels early is fucking stupid, because you have obviously proved that merely me pointing out why it's fucking stupid is not sufficient to convince you, and you need more consensus.

[Avoraciopoctules]

Eyepatch of Power [Moderate Magic Item]
You can't spell warrior without one i.

This is a plain eyepatch made of stiff black cloth, with a headband to hold it in place. When worn, it makes one appear to be a grizzled veteran, making military figures (and guards and police and similar groups of professional warriors)' starting attitude one step more friendly and willing to buy him a couple free drinks a night, if he's in a bar.

After level 5, his BAB gains an enhancement bonus of +3. This may--and will, given enough time--qualify him for extra attacks or new benefits from feats earlier than he would otherwise gain them.

Why specifically does this item boost BAB? I'm a little curious at the design intent here, since it seems as though you could get something as flavorful by simply giving one or more scaling enhancement bonuses to traits normally boostable by Tome items and associated with combat.

Personally, if I were going to design some kind of magic eyepatch of the veteran warrior, I would make the item take up 2 slots, but give enhancement bonuses to attack/damage and Perception, then apply 2 special abilities, say, immunity to blindness and maybe that SC assassin spell that lets you see the vital organs of targets.

After determining those abilities, I would throw in some flavor about the wearer looking like a combat veteran and how some people might be more friendly as a result of that.