Video Games

[Darth Rabbitt]

This one is okay. The story is stupid of course, but in an acceptable way that you expect because it's Mortal Fucking Kombat. With a K. I'm not a teenager any more, so I don't enjoy the gorefest, but I walked into it knowing it'd be there, and figured "whatever".

There's an unbelievably stupid part that breaks any and all suspension of disbelief in the MK3 part. Before that the story was basically OK (although fuck the clumsy explanation for a reboot, I don't understand why people try to do that rather than just pretend whatever you're rebooting never happened) for a Mortal Kombat game.

MKIII basically marked the end of where I really paid interest to the series. As with many people. 2 was a marked improvement over 1, but 3 didn't really improve on the game, just added "more characters", without fixing some things that people really wanted (bosses that were playable, had more than 3 moves, and could suffer Fatalities). Not to mention the Ultimate MK3, the one after that, and so on, dragging out like the Street Fighter 2 franchise.

3 vastly improved the gameplay of 2:

-Throwing was no longer broken.
-The bosses were actually appropriately challenging (the obligatory big monster guy is tough but not broken, and Shao Kahn actually has more than two moves and they can't all be avoided by just jump kicking)
-All sorts of ridiculous -alities.
-A few new characters (and the return of some old ones), and all of them were pretty cool (other than Striker.)
-Kintaro is not in it.
-Throwing was no longer broken.

That's a fucking amazing list of changes in my book.

UMK3 added the shitloads of pallet swap ninjas back, and Trilogy also added every character from 1 and 2 missing from 3 (so the aforementioned ninjas plus Raiden, Baraka and Johnny Cage), playable bosses, (in the PS1 version this also included the bosses from the first two games) although you couldn't Fatality them (and in the N64 version they were very limited in where and how you could play them.)

4 sucked though, so 3/UMK3/Trilogy is a pretty good point to leave the series.

So I can't even remember the story that MK3 claimed to have, and I expect to find myself asking "What is this krap?" But whatever. I'll play around with it and enjoy it a little.

3's story is actually pretty cool (for a Mortal Kombat game at least, so the bar isn't high). Shao Kahn has fucked with the rules of Mortal Kombat so many times that he gains Real Ultimate Power and takes the souls of everyone on the planet save the player characters (who are either marked by destiny bullshit or are nominally working for Shao Kahn, except for the two cyborgs who have no souls to be taken and therefore are complete wild cards in Shao Kahn's plan). So everyone left goes off to kill him since he's a threat to any (and every) of them and restore the world to what it was (except for Shang Tsung, because he's just awesome a dick like that).

It's much dumber in the MK 2011 version. Like I expect Mortal Kombat plots to be kind of dumb, but this one was just fucking painful. Like at least the second Mortal Kombat movie level of bad. To the point that I was asking the game "Really?" much in the same manner I did to the 5th Harry Potter book. And just like that book, it neither responded or got better over time but I forced myself through it and feel worse for doing so.

Kung Lao can teleport, but the problem is that the telestomp usually starts after you start to do a move, and then hits first. And teleporting just brings you right next to him (on the other side), so you still get tagged by it.

If you want I can start up a Vs match in that game w/Quan Chi as Kung Lao and see what tactics work against him. But I'm not playing Story Mode again. I still remember.

[Avoraciopoctules]

"Hackers, Vampires, Philosophy, Radical Politics - Let's deck into BloodNet"
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showth ... id=3564285

New LP, looks kinda interesting.

[Koumei]

I ended up beating them by staying on the ground when Voldemort was out, dashing in close and then just constantly using sweeps, uppercuts and 2-slap combos. Then for Shang Tsung, basically staying airborne and dive kicking him.

After that, I just about double-flawlessed against Kintaro, it was so easy. Compare with the original Kintaro...

That was a really lame end, yeah, and SK was tougher than in MK2 (largely thanks to being immune to damage half the time, just flat-out ignoring a hit and instantly countering), but fireball spamming at a distance saw me through.

The MK3 arc... I'm only up to Cyber-Sub-Zero at the moment, having just beat eight arms worth of tag-team, but it's not kompletely awful. Yet. Love Kabal's ponytails, he looks so fetching!

[Koumei]

Yeah, okay, I give that last story arc minus four out of ten. It's really fucking bad. And Khan is stupidly hard to beat with non-fireballers (like Raiden), due to his ability to automatically ignore and interrupt any attack you land and just hit you with his own thing. I ended up knocking a quarter of his health off through kareful evasion and dive-attacking during his taunts, then letting the timer run out.

And now I'm forcing myself to put up with the shitty mechanics (the kontrols are not very responsive. I recommend just paying Capcom to make the game for you) and difficulty scaling (Perfect, Perfect, Perfect, Perfect, Perfect, Perfect, Perfect, Perfect, Perfect, Fuck You) so I kan enjoy unlocking krap in the Krypt.

Overall minus thirty eight out of ten.

[Darth Rabbitt]

I could stomach it up until the point where Sindel becomes a TPK plot device and is then killed off without doing anything other than literally having no personality whatsoever and killing off the majority of the kharacters who did.

I kompared it to Pokemon Black/White in "moments when a piece of entertainment completely lost you" in terms of how painfully stupid the story was for a game series that I have a high stupid tolerance for and do not expect good stories from in any way whatsoever.

(Oddly enough, the arcade mode endings range from "mediocre" to "actually really good"; I suspect that someone kompletely different wrote them.)

The kontrols were poor enough that I literally thought that my kontrollers were breaking when I played it (alas, that came back to bite me in the ass when one of my 360 kontrollers did break in the middle of a local 2-player session of something else.)

Also, Shao Kahn appears to have stolen Kintaro's ability of "ignore your melee attacks" bullshit (although not nearly as bad as his four-armed furry predecessor did, since I was actually able to beat the arcade mode with every kharacter over the course of a few weeks, something that would be impossible for me in MK II without cheats. Me beating MK II Kintaro at all requires a decade and a half per kharacter, if the past month has taught me anything.)

If you want a silly-as-fuck retelling of the Mortal Kombat games, then I suggest playing Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks (although that's more of a 3D brawler than a fighting game proper); otherwise stick with the original arcade/SNES games (but MK II Kintaro can go fuck himself with a hot iron.)

[John Magnum]

Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition is the first real fighting game I've played since I randomly mashed buttons in Soul Calibur II. It's been interesting trying to discern the part where I just blow horribly at fighting games and the part where its controls actually are kind of wonky. I just got to Nightwolf in the MK3 arc and haven't played for a while because I'm sick of Voldemort.

[Darth Rabbitt]

Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition is the first real fighting game I've played since I randomly mashed buttons in Soul Calibur II. It's been interesting trying to discern the part where I just blow horribly at fighting games and the part where its controls actually are kind of wonky. I just got to Nightwolf in the MK3 arc and haven't played for a while because I'm sick of Voldemort.

That's probably a good breaking point, since the story gets really stupid just after that.

The arcade mode is much more playable and much more enjoyable.

[infected slut princess]

Does anyone remember the Heretic/Hexen series?

It's like the fantasy version of DOOM. So instead of being an FPS with shotguns and plasma rifles, you fight with stuff like the Ethereal Crossbow, the Gauntlets of the Necromancer, and the Phoenix Rod.

You can use magic tomes to power up your weapons and give them more powerful special attacks. There are other cool items you can hold in your inventory that let you fly, turn enemies into chickens, or become incorporeal.

In Heretic, you were just an elven wizard guy. Hexen had three character classes, Fighter, Cleric, and Mage. Hexen II had Assassin, Crusader, Necromancer and Paladin. They have different weapons and stats and stuff.

I played it for a couple of hours yesterday. It's really fun on co-op. I wish I had some time to play it more.

[Corsair114]

Does anyone remember the Heretic/Hexen series?

It's like the fantasy version of DOOM. So instead of being an FPS with shotguns and plasma rifles, you fight with stuff like the Ethereal Crossbow, the Gauntlets of the Necromancer, and the Phoenix Rod.

You can use magic tomes to power up your weapons and give them more powerful special attacks. There are other cool items you can hold in your inventory that let you fly, turn enemies into chickens, or become incorporeal.

In Heretic, you were just an elven wizard guy. Hexen had three character classes, Fighter, Cleric, and Mage. Hexen II had Assassin, Crusader, Necromancer and Paladin. They have different weapons and stats and stuff.

I played it for a couple of hours yesterday. It's really fun on co-op. I wish I had some time to play it more.

Since you mentioned Hexen 2, I thought I'd point you over yonder to a very a nice mod project for the game. Dunno if you've seen it or not, but it's pretty spiffy in my experience.

[Koumei]

Yeah, I finished arcade mode with Jade, because she has some great kombo attacks that make life simple (and throws a glaiveboomerang?) I'll tackle with random other characters, probably "everyone who wears a face mask" (which, this being Mortal Kombat, is about 2/3 of the kast).

As for Hexen/Heretic, I adored those back in the day. Particularly H2 (both). I can't really tell them apart too well by memory - both had a choice of classes (ie weapon sets), one of them almost had enough RPG/story elements to make it similar to Ultima Underworld, Elder Scrolls, Wizardry and such. One of them had ultimate weapons that had to be assembled from multiple parts, one of them had two separate mana bars to empower weapons in different ways, one of them had a special item that boosted your weapons, one of them had a pseudo-invincibility item that worked differently for each character. Both of them were awesome.

[Avoraciopoctules]

I'm a sucker for good sprite art, so Hexen 1 was definitely my favorite. I remember the first time I fought a heresiarch, it was totally rad.

Heretic 2 was kind of a spinoff, a 3rd person shooter with more emphasis on platforming and story. It was decent too.

[Koumei]

Something occurred to me: Mortal Kombat isn't offensive or hardcore enough. I mean, the reason it was popular when the first game came out was the gore, the shock factor. Parents groups got up in arms over the huge amounts of blood (enough to make it comical) and the over-the-top fatalities - they paid attention to that for sequels, and... went further.

But that's old hat now. For as gruesome as the X-Ray moves, Fatalities and post-beatdown bodies look, "shocking violence" is all it's offering. I'm not proposing the addition of nudity, because that's too much for the sensibilities of Western players (never mind that I'd find it really off-putting, having that level of violence unleashed on an otherwise sexual scene, it'd be more sickening than the fake violence alone).

But they should go all-out for the early '90s shock appeal/antihero-comics era stuff. Where is the swearing?

I really want to see Scorpion going "GET THE FUCK OVER HERE" and Shao Khan going "YOU'RE MY BITCH!" Possibly there also needs to be drug abuse and gambling or something. But swearing seems a logical start.

[Sigil]

The reason is probably so that they can cater to foreign markets. The swearing and drug use and what have you would probably go over fine in good 'ol 'murca, but censorship in regions like Germany and Australia keeps them from bothering. It cuts into profit to make multiple censored versions of a product.

[Koumei]

It didn't get released over here in the first place, due to violence. It took the fatalityretirement of one of our censors so that we could get an actual R-rating category.

Sub-Zero has an awesome ending, he starts a buddy-cop movie with Scorpion. Scorpion's is good because it involves killing Quan-Chi via fire breath to the crotch. Sheeva's involves her moving to Australia and ruling it as empress. BEST ENDING EVER.

[Sigil]

It didn't get released over here in the first place, due to violence.

That's worse than I thought. If it's not getting released over there anyway, I don't see any reason not to up the edginess.

[Koumei]

Actually it might have been released and then immediately banned. But as soon as we were able to slap an R-rating on it, we did so and life moved on.

[PhoneLobster]

And then it was still crazy anyway, see the Saints Row 4 Debacle for further details.

[Koumei]

For the longest time the video games R-rating problem was the fault of South Australia. But the good thing about really old people is they quit (or die) soon enough. I think there was then a delay due to someone in Victoria of all places?

[Parthenon]

Saints Row 4 debacle? I am now curious. Please, inform me in the most amusing way possible.

[Fuchs]

Well, the americans think sexual content, like a side boob, or swearing, is grounds for restricting games. The Europeans usually restrict games based on the violence displayed.

And the Germans ban a game if it's violent, or shows nazi symbols, or shows nazis getting killed.

[Username17]

Saints Row 4 debacle? I am now curious. Please, inform me in the most amusing way possible.

Saints Row 4 got submitted to the US voluntary ratings board (the ESRB) and got rated "M" (that's "Mature" and is as high as they really go). It got submitted to the United Kingdom's Video Standards Council, and got an 18 rating (that's "only for people above 18, and is as high as it will go). It got submitted to the Australian Classification Board and... they refused to give it a rating. They just plain wouldn't fucking do it. They wouldn't give it the highest possible rating (R18), they just straight up said it couldn't be rated and was banned in the country.

So the Australian release got some "objectionable content" taken out, like a special alien weapon that anal probes people to death, and resubmitted. The Classification Board still wouldn't do it. But apparently they at least said why this time.

Turns out it has nothing whatever to do with the swearing. Or the murder. Or the thing where you anally rape people to death. It was all about how there was an optional mission where you take alien drugs and get super powers. Seriously.

So the Australians will now receive a version that does have anal death rape guns but doesn't have a psychedelic sequence where you take entirely fictional alien drugs and get super powers. Because that would be bad for children.

And then they gave it a rating of R15+, which means that it is considered totally crackerjack entertainment for highschool students. And everyone in the whole world was sort of grossed out by Australia. Again. Some more.

-Username17

[Doom]

Weird, I don't recall the alien probe thing, and they showed us all sorts of splashy stuff at E3. If Lara C can have human brains (from her attempted rapist) on her face, why not alien rectal probes in a game totally devoted to goofy?

Ah well, maybe it was bugged at the time, though the game otherwise ran well.

[Parthenon]

Thanks for the explanation. I'm sure they could be more stupid about it, but I'm not sure how.

[Koumei]

And everyone in the whole world was sort of grossed out by Australia. Again. Some more.

Give it a few months and I'm sure we'll find ways to do it again and sink to new lows.

[PhoneLobster]

I'm sure they could be more stupid about it, but I'm not sure how.

Well how about this.

The reasoning behind the brief banning goes something like...

Australia's top legal rating for stuff is NOT unrestricted. There are still limitations. And if you exceed them your stuff is "refused classification" and essentially banned.

It's been a while since I read the old R-rating classification stuff for film, which I'm pretty sure was lifted wholesale for video games once they finally allowed video games into the club of things that were allowed to have that classification. But I think the list is basically...

1) No sexual violence, not even implied off screen.

2) No under age sex, even consensual, even with all parties under age, even implied off screen.

3) No violence of any form against a minor, by anyone, even a minor, even implied off screen.

4) No "incentivised drug use" or indeed any positive portrayal of illegal drugs or drug use.

5) More recently there was that thing where they added "nothing pedophiles might indirectly ever get off on, small breasted adult women, we're looking at you, your out, no more porn acting by you/photographs of you, your banned as pedophile porn, Australian porn now has a legally mandated minimum cup size." Which I assume is now in the classification of film and media act (or whatever it was/now is called) somewhere too.

This of course was bat shit fucking crazy. Kids shows that included a violent bully (let alone an adult villain that so much as ever slapped a kid once) SHOULD have been banned. The entire basic premise of Law and Order SVU basically should have seen the show automatically banned on at least two or three counts before the end of the monologue in the opening credits.

But they weren't because the classification board basically enforced things selectively and incoherently, in large part I suspect to maintain their power.

The odd French art film (nobody watches those right?) stomp it into the ground because it's about 15 year olds in love with each other. Computer games? Only kids play those right? Which might be their justification for the ridiculous ratings limitations etc... but is MORE about their assumption that there is no popular opposition to them stomping all over computer games at random without even giving a reason for refusing classification.

And Saints Row 4 is certainly not the first video game they've had a solid go at. If I recall we've had at the very least similar problems with at least one GTA, a God Of War, possibly a former Saints Row and who knows what else I can't remember.

So basically what we have is a small group of elderly, usually religious, prudes in charge of our film/video game ratings/bannings. Usually appointed as sops to various crazed conservative interest groups (the only ones who care about classification any time the group ISN'T attacking something at random). Enforcing some crazy limitations put into law ALSO as sops to crazed conservative interest groups (like the infamous "no small breasts in Australian porn law"). And doing it in the parranoid, furtive and selective manner that a group that knows it has minimal power and could have it all stripped away if there were just ONE major public outcry big enough to actually shed light onto their bullshit and apply the preferences of the majority of the population ahead of their minority conservative censorship bullshit.

Mostly we're just waiting for the board to all retire/drop off and die so things can slowly improve. Though I wish they WOULD try and ban Law and Order SVU, because a) I hate that show, and b) if they took it on IT WOULD CRUSH THEM.