Medical Questions I'd Like Answered...

[Shatner]

Blood also contains a lot of other stuff which is hostile to yeast - even if you sterilized it / boiled it first (which would denature the proteins and give you a giant scab also), I don't think you could get yeast to grow regardless of the sugar content. So you'd make botulism toxin rather than ethanol, even with an added 8% sugar.

Well, if the goal here is to make the most metal beverage possible, scabs and fermented botulism don't sound like negatives...

[Koumei]

So, because this is happening to all the wrestlers (and Kevin Nash seems to have it as a fucking hobby), I'm just curious: how does one go about tearing a quad?

Actually I worded that poorly, making it sound like I wish to partake in this new craze. More, it looks like there must be some kind of stunts or training (as in weight training, like how certain lifting has fucked all those shoulders lately) that is specifically bad and people should avoid, so "what specific things tend to lead to that injury rather than just 'engaging in physical activity'?"

[Grek]

Ok, so this is what your quadriceps muscle looks like:


The usual place to tear it is labelled helpfully as "Quadriceps Tendon Tear" just above the kneecap. You tear that tendon by bending your knee forward or (more commonly) off to one side. An example of something that might cause that is an athlete lifting something heavy, leaning to one side, trying to catch themselves by widening their stance on that side and then just sort of crumpling that knee downward as they fail to support the weight at their new and uncomfortable angle. Another likely cause would be getting hit in the back of the knee hard enough to tear something - like they might do in a particularly violent leg hook. The choreography for the match is supposed to avoid this kind of thing, but sometimes the wrestlers get over excited and swing too hard, or lean into the blows.

You can also hurt your rectus femoris (the skinny little tendon at the very top) but its harder to do and much, much worse for you than just a quadriceps tendon tear because it usually also involves fucking up your femoral artery as part of whatever you did to hurt yourself.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

Steroid abuse increases your chances of that happening. Older people that do lots of running/jumping sports also get them from my understanding. Although in case of pro wrestlers it's 99% likely it's due to steroid abuse.

I'm going to ask a morally questionable question, so don't bother to point it out to me, I am aware. What chemicals can I take to make me lose weight? I prefer ones that won't make me fail a piss test and doesn't require me dealing with tweakers. My health has decreased to the point where I can't work out enough to lose weight, and I don't have the willpower to not eat (I know that makes me a weak piece of shit, don't bother lecturing me about it, I fucking know). I'd also prefer something that's unlikely to kill me, but if I don't drop 50-80 pounds no later than yesterday I'm probably going to be dead in 10 years so anything more than that would be an improvement.

[Koumei]

Okay, so the "picking the big weighted bar off the ground and above your head" weight lifting* that is also known for those videos of "weight lifter shits his internal organs out" and such, the kind presumably used to get massive pecs and arms?

That would make sense. Given Triple H tore his a fair amount and clearly built his upper body up (with or without roids, let's not speculate, it's totally roids) in a way that sounds consistent with that kind of weightlifting.

(Note: I was thinking of starting up some weight training to get a bit of muscle definition, or even just get some good "lifting in real life" strength after realising I couldn't lift my grandpa when he collapsed. But now that I won't need to be lifting any octogenarians and would basically need to start doing amphetamines to work up the will to work out, I can bench that idea. But I would have kept "Don't do this quad-fucking thing" in mind.)

*I don't know what it's called, I don't do weights.

What chemicals can I take to make me lose weight?

I hear met-

I prefer ones that won't make me fail a piss test and doesn't require me dealing with tweakers.

Well fuck, there goes my suggestion.

My health has decreased to the point where I can't work out enough to lose weight, and I don't have the willpower to not eat

Same here, though in my case, the only pleasure I get from anything in life is chemical, so it's "keep having sugary snacks, or upgrade to heroin." If sugar ends up being less healthy I'll swap over.

There is a weight loss thing that basically causes you to shit yourself really horribly every time you have fatty foods. Technically that could help, but I don't think that's what you want. On similar lines, there's amoebic dysentery, I hear that's great for weight loss as well.

[Grek]

Okay, so the "picking the big weighted bar off the ground and above your head" weight lifting* that is also known for those videos of "weight lifter shits his internal organs out" and such, the kind presumably used to get massive pecs and arms?

Yes, that sort of lift (its called an "overhead press"), but no, it isn't used to get massive pecs and arms. Bicep muscles are built by moving your arms at the elbows or with push ups. Pectorals are built by moving your arms at the shoulder from the T pose to the zombie pose repeatedly, or by doing chin ups. The overhead press builds your shoulders.

What chemicals can I take to make me lose weight?

There aren't any. There are drugs that will kill you and cause you to lose a little weight as part of the process of making you dead. Sedatives, laxatives, amphetamines and drugs similar in function to amphetamines will all cause you to loose weight for one reason or another, but they will fucking kill you if you use them without extensive medical observation, and possibly even if you are under observation. If there was a good chemical way to loose weight, people would already use it and you'd have already heard of it.

My advice is to get a big 4 gallon pitcher, fill it with water and just bring it with you everywhere. If you feel thirsty, take a drink. If you feel hungry, and it isn't meal time, take a drink. If you feel bored and are thinking about getting a snack, take a drink. When the pitcher gets empty, fill it back up and take a drink. Don't make tea or coffee or anything like that. Just drink plain old ordinary water, possibly with ice in it. The hydration will give you more energy, and the fact that your stomach now contains water will convince your body it isn't a good time to eat something and make you stop wanting food. Just don't down the whole thing in 6 hours, because even that will kill you.

[maglag]

Can't you sign up for that operation where they tie a band to your stomach entrance to cheat your body into being less hungry? I've heard plenty of good things about that one.

[TiaC]

If you are considering extreme methods to lose weight, surgery is an actual treatment that doctors do. This means that it is likely to be safer than random self-medication. It still has risks of course, but if your health problems are as extreme as they sound, it might be worth looking into.

[Username17]

Weight loss as a side effect of medications isn't all that rare. Mostly, weight loss isn't particularly good for you, so Grek's idea of drinking a shit tonne of water instead of food and especially instead of soda is a pretty good one.

But anything which ups your rate of metabolism, such as amphetamines or thyroid hormone will cause you to lose weight. Anything which sends sugars out of your body like metformin will cause you to lose weight. Anything that suppresses your appetite like bupropion will cause you to lose weight. If you otherwise suffer from conditions that those medications are beneficial for, the weight loss may be a good thing. Remember that drugs don't really have "side effects," they just have "effects." And if the constellation of effects is a net positive for your life, you should take the drug and if it isn't you should not.

Taking thyroid hormone when your thyroid is making enough to begin with can cause thyroid toxicity and even cause your thyroid to shut done because negative feedback convinces your thyroid that it isn't needed anymore.


Thyroid toxicity gives you crazy owl eyes.

But if your thyroid hormone levels are low, replacement thyroid hormone will not only cause you to lose weight, but it will make you itch less and handle the cold better and feel better day to day.

Metformin may make you lose weight, but it's used for people with high blood sugar. If used by people with normal blood sugar, it can cause hypoglycemia and death.

Bupropion is an anti-depressant. And like every drug which is mood altering, it has a list of side effects as long as your arm. That's because all brain modifying drugs have pretty wildly different effects on different people. Gotta love a drug that may cause you to have a dry mouth and wet skin because your secretion control system gets scrambled. Or where the manufacturer is required by law to put "may cause abnormal dreams" on the information sheet. The effects are highly individual, and like most anti-depressants it gets a lot of 5 star and 1 star reviews from people whose life is either dramatically improved or can't handle it at all.

-Username17

[Count Arioch the 28th]

I'm already on both metformin and buproprion. It knocked me down from 300 to 280, and I've been yoyoing between 280 and 270 for two years. The fact that I'm constantly getting weaker and less energetic is a concern that my doctor does not seem to share. I fucking fell out while walking in less than a quarter mile, three years ago ten miles was walking distance.

I looked into the surgery option and it seems like you need to stick religiously to a diet regimen or it fails. If I could stay on a diet regimen the surgery would not be needed.

[RobbyPants]

Okay, so the "picking the big weighted bar off the ground and above your head" weight lifting* that is also known for those videos of "weight lifter shits his internal organs out" and such, the kind presumably used to get massive pecs and arms?

I think you're thinking of a clean and jerk. It's not something most casual lifters do at a gym. This seems to be done mostly by people in competitions.

(Note: I was thinking of starting up some weight training to get a bit of muscle definition, or even just get some good "lifting in real life" strength after realising I couldn't lift my grandpa when he collapsed. But now that I won't need to be lifting any octogenarians and would basically need to start doing amphetamines to work up the will to work out, I can bench that idea. But I would have kept "Don't do this quad-fucking thing" in mind.)

Weight lifting is a good way to burn calories as well as get in shape and help with injury prevention.

Assuming you're not looking to bulk up, you can do a lot of good by lifting a relatively light weight with a lot of repetitions. This type of lifting tends to emphasize tone/definition over bulk and stamina over strength. You're also way less likely to hurt yourself with a lighter weight than with a heavier one.

If you can work up the will to go, I highly endorse this. See if you can get yourself hooked on your own endorphines.

Yes, that sort of lift (its called an "overhead press"), but no, it isn't used to get massive pecs and arms. Bicep muscles are built by moving your arms at the elbows or with push ups. Pectorals are built by moving your arms at the shoulder from the T pose to the zombie pose repeatedly, or by doing chin ups. The overhead press builds your shoulders.

I think you mean push-ups instead of chin-ups, but yeah, this is otherwise accurate.

[Orca]

Some sort of light exercise would almost certainly help - which type depends on your personality more than anything. Different things work for different people. For me, walking my mother's dog regularly took me from being completely out of shape to mildly out of shape without requiring harder exercise than I could manage at any point, and the joy the dog showed kept me doing it.

Maybe you'd be best with other people around so some type that's more social would be best. Maybe you're sufficiently embarrassed by your body that solitary exercise would be easier on you. I don't know you nearly well enough to advise.

[Koumei]

If you can work up the will to go, I highly endorse this.

I really can't. I'm just going to stick with consuming a lot of sugar and a small side of opiates, until doctors say I need to stop with the sugar, at which point I'll swap over to a proper heroin addiction. If I were to start exercising properly, I'd basically need to start taking amphetamines to work up the effort.

Unless I move to the city, where I could take up Jujutsu (either flavour) and have some fun there, because honestly, submission holds are fun.

[Grek]

Yes, that sort of lift (its called an "overhead press"), but no, it isn't used to get massive pecs and arms. Bicep muscles are built by moving your arms at the elbows or with push ups. Pectorals are built by moving your arms at the shoulder from the T pose to the zombie pose repeatedly, or by doing chin ups. The overhead press builds your shoulders.

I think you mean push-ups instead of chin-ups, but yeah, this is otherwise accurate.

Yeah, definitely push ups, not chin ups. Mea culpa.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

I did look at having bariatric surgery, and I may have dismissed it prematurely. Can anyone tell me a bit more about that than what Google provides? My bmi is over 40 and I have obesity related issues. It feels like cheating but putting off dying makes it easy to justify to myself...

[erik]

I'd recommend reducing your stomach size via downsizing your dishes and menu selections first. Get smaller plates and bowls so that you have some resistance from eating larger portions. If tempted to order the large combo, just go with the small. If you can stick with it, your appetite decreases and it becomes easier.

Couple that with drinking lots of water as suggested earlier so you'll sate your appetite while cutting calories, and make it even easier to avoid being hungry.

These things psychologically shrink your stomach without needing surgery to do it fo realz.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

If that worked for me I wouldn't be in such dire straights. I've been fighting my weight since I was 10, anything simple like that I've tried repeatedly to the point of being the definition of insanity.

My apologies if my frustration at my situation sounds like hostility. But the plate thing doesn't work for me, and the last time I tried the water trick I ended up passing out, drinking gallons of water makes me feel bloated but only makes me hungrier.

[Eikre]

Picking up objects and moving hastily by foot are both pretty fucking simple. If you're really so great at doing things repeatedly then maybe give those a try.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

I spoke to my doctor about my frustration while discussing the infected boil in my nose and it seems that the medical center I go to has a weight loss program that seems to work for most people who have taken it. It seems that not doing the same thing and expecting different results has worked for my mental state, maybe I just need a new approach at the weight-loss thing. She did say that an lap band wasn't 100% off the table but it's an extreme solution and it would be best if I exhausted all my other options, and I've never actually tried anything like this before.

[RobbyPants]

She did say that an lap band wasn't 100% off the table but it's an extreme solution and it would be best if I exhausted all my other options, and I've never actually tried anything like this before.

What's the overall approach?

[koz]

Would surgical scalpels make good throwing weapons?

[Whipstitch]

Nope. They're light, relatively fragile and aren't balanced for throwing. Generally speaking you actually want throwing weapons to be bit weighty so they don't just bounce off of things.

[Stahlseele]

Also, with scalpells the grip is bigger and heavier than the actual cutting bit. so it will PROBABLY fly handle first at your target anyway.

[Eikre]

No, they would be terrible. An ideal throwing weapon is between one and two pounds and several feet long. Scalpels are disposable razors, frequently on an itty plastic mount. They can weigh less than a number 2 pencil. Since they can't retain a stable forward-oriented path like a dart, you're down to using them with spin like throwing knives, which are bullshit weapons for circus performers. Even those, at the very least, have an appreciable weight, though.

Make no mistake, a razor fresh out of the box is really sharp and can open up pretty terrific cuts in a person. You could really fuck somebody up before they got to cover. But if they are not intimidated, and don't go for cover, and in fact lay hands on a moderately weighty element of home decor with the intention of charging at you with it, then they can just fucking murder you, and your dumbass anime weapon won't have much to say about it.

[erik]

Terrible as weapons, unless they're Kuroudo Akabane's magic scalpels of course.