[OSSR] Kingdoms of Kalamar Player's Guide

[ColorBlindNinja61]

OSSR Kingdoms of Kalamar Player's Guide



Introduction
Originally dating back to 1994, Kingdoms of Kalamar (KoK from here on) was updated for D&D 3rd edition in November of 2000. But, unlike a lot of 3rd party splats, KoK was actually officially licensed by Wizards of the Coast.

The reason for this is, supposedly, that WotC used material from Kenzer & Company in Dragon Magazine without permission and got sued. Part of the settlement of said lawsuit was allowing Kenzer & Company to print material that was officially licensed D&D content.

Or so the interwebs say. The closest thing I could find about this lawsuit on Wikipedia indicated that this legal snafu led to the creation of Hackmaster and is seemingly unrelated to KoK 3rd edition content. If anyone else has better Google-Fu than I do, please let me know.

The end result of this is that material from some KoK d20 books (including this one) are technically official content. Which technically means they’re fair game for your D&D character. Your DM would have to be fucking insane to allow content from KoK. I consider myself pretty chill with regards to allowed materials in my own games (I allow stuff from Dragon Magazine), but I flat out ban anything from KoK.

But let’s pretend for a moment we have a DM that’ll allow this stuff and see if there’s anything worth taking for our optimization needs. Consider this the primary goal of this OSSR, besides poking fun at an awful d20 book.


This book opens with a spiel as to why we should care about Kalamar as a setting. I note the term “demihuman” is being used, which had been deprecated for 3.0, implying some laziness on the part of the authors. Or they just didn’t give a fuck. Neither is a promising sign.

The first real information we get is how “realistic” the setting is. Which sounds like a huge warning sign to me, realism and games rarely mix well.

Kenzer seem especially proud of the supposed geographical realism of Kalamar, which I respond to with a disinterested yawn. Seriously, this is your chance to sell me on your setting and you start talking about geography?

We’re also informed that life on Kalamar is guided by “ordinary men and women of extraordinary courage and resolve.” Which seems to imply the setting isn’t filled to the brim with high-level DM penis extension NPCs. That’s good, let’s see if they actually commit to it.

Villains even kidnap princesses when you are not around to do anything about it. What happens then? Well, usually Vicelord has his way with her. You see, the NPCS of Kalamar aren’t inept, otherwise they would not be worthy (or successful) villains. A world full of morons is no place to live. You need the good, bad and even the so-so to populate your campaign with to make the party’s heroic deeds exceptional After all, if everybody on the block is a superhero, no one stands out.

Because realism! Grimdark! What the fucking fuck?! I’m only on page 2 and we already get a reference to sexual assault! We’re already off to a great start, I see. (Sarcasm tag, if it wasn’t obvious.)

The introduction starts babbling about realism again and we’re ensured that the players will be important in the setting. Little do they realize just how right they are…


Races
Frank and Ancient History have talked before about how bizarre and uncomfortable the idea of race is in fantasy games. And that we can pretty much blame a lot of that on Tolkien, but it’s so entrenched in RPGs that it’s probably here to stay for the near future. Also, the “half” races are filled to the brim with unfortunate implications.

Anyway, we get several of the standard races we know from D&D, humans, hill dwarves, high elves, etc. But we also get some new races as well as some different characteristics for preexisting ones.

Stone Dwarves get an INT penalty instead of a CHA one and grey elves get a +2 to CHA and INT but no DEX bonus. We also get dark elves (Drow are in the SRD, why call them dark elves?) who get +2 to INT instead of DEX. But we also get Golden Halflings, who get a +2 to INT and WIS instead of DEX (jackpot!) and Forest Gnomes now get the same characteristics.

Kalamar tries to make Hobgoblins important to the setting, so they get listed in the race section too. +2 to DEX and CON, -2 to all mental stats. There are also not one, but two, half-hobgoblins. One gets a +2 to DEX and a penalty to WIS and CHA, the other gets a +2 to CON and a -2 to INT. I seriously doubt anyone would ever want to play as any of these hobgoblins. If you’re curious, the fluff for them is “Proud Warrior Guy Race.”

We get lengthy segment about each race with how they get along with other races, their religion and language. Humans are split into several different categories based on where they call home (same stats, though, thank god), and many speak different languages. Realistic, perhaps, but I can see this frustrating players since it’s unlikely your party will speak every one of these languages. Scratch that, it’s a virtual impossibility, there too fucking many of them.

“A human can be your greatest friend and most worthy ally. Until you turn your back.” – Elven proverb.

Oh yeah, did I mention Kalamar suffers heavily from “Our Elves Are Better Than You” as well as the “humans are racists” cliché that The Witcher is so fond of? Fuck this book.

[Libertad]

I recall that Kingdoms of Kalamar has a fetish for having as un-D&D like a D&D setting could possibly be. I mean in the sense that Kalamar is very clearly meant to be suited for a fantasy RPG where the PCs aren't supposed to have magic and a street tough's knife can kill a hardened warrior. The D20 Rules of course do little to enforce their "realism" so instead they make up for it with the cliche "dark and edgy, magic is rare, nonhumans are nearly extinct," yada yada yada.

The only real interesting thing to me is that the primary human civilization (Kalamaran Empire) is based off of Imperial Rome, which is something most settings have as either a long-lost empire or a side attraction than a prominent fixture.

Also it's attempt at doing a Medieval African supplement ended up insansely racist.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

I recall that Kingdoms of Kalamar has a fetish for having as un-D&D like a D&D setting could possibly be. I mean in the sense that Kalamar is very clearly meant to be suited for a fantasy RPG where the PCs aren't supposed to have magic and a street tough's knife can kill a hardened warrior. The D20 Rules of course do little to enforce their "realism" so instead they make up for it with the cliche "dark and edgy, magic is rare, nonhumans are nearly extinct," yada yada yada.

Gritty, low fantasy, low magic settings are a dime a dozen and I don't understand their popularity.

Also it's attempt at doing a Medieval African supplement ended up insansely racist.

What the fuck did I just read?!

[WiserOdin032402]

I recall that Kingdoms of Kalamar has a fetish for having as un-D&D like a D&D setting could possibly be. I mean in the sense that Kalamar is very clearly meant to be suited for a fantasy RPG where the PCs aren't supposed to have magic and a street tough's knife can kill a hardened warrior. The D20 Rules of course do little to enforce their "realism" so instead they make up for it with the cliche "dark and edgy, magic is rare, nonhumans are nearly extinct," yada yada yada.

Off to a great start. Man I love it when people try to do grimderp hard grit setting in d20 systems. Really just scooters my ankles. It's not like there are other systems like, say, Interlock you could hack to make a more 'realistic' system that caters to that desire.

Gritty, low fantasy, low magic settings are a dime a dozen and I don't understand their popularity.

Oh because people have a knee-jerk reaction to D&Disms like Hit Points letting you survive being stabbed or armor making you harder to hit, or the fact that a hardened adventurer can basically fall from the moon and be fine. Granted, sometimes it's an issue of magic being too present and breaking literally everything so some get it in their head to try to fix this problem while addressing literally none of the actual issues (Iron Kingdoms comes to mind).

What usually ends up happening is that they try to hard enforce realism which means being a basic combatant requires a lot of investment and isn't worth the time and then being a spellcaster is still great but has a random chance of smiting you and in the end if you weren't playing a Rogue and hitting people from stealth you were just wasting your time.

The actual 'popularity' of such settings can be sort of seen in D&D 5e? Where most of the characters don't move beyond 'can kill like 3 orcs in a straight fight'. The 'scale' never goes up that high and stays in a comprehensible spot. People don't want to actually go up to sky castles and fight armies of clockwork golems or go to the outer planes and go play games with outsiders. They wanna kill orcs or drow and go back to the tavern and drink and still be normal people.

Granted in the actual Witcher Tabletop RPG I'm reviewing (which I need to get back to) even though the systems are realistic enough a skilled Witcher, Noble, or Man at Arms can dismantle a fucking Golem with just a sword and slaughter their way through 20 or more armed combatants at once as long as they position themselves properly and have good enough armor. And yes this is an intentional design feature.

Also it's attempt at doing a Medieval African supplement ended up insansely racist.

Thank you Libertad, you are doing us all a service. Now someone please pass me the spoon so I can forget all of what I just read.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

I recall that Kingdoms of Kalamar has a fetish for having as un-D&D like a D&D setting could possibly be. I mean in the sense that Kalamar is very clearly meant to be suited for a fantasy RPG where the PCs aren't supposed to have magic and a street tough's knife can kill a hardened warrior. The D20 Rules of course do little to enforce their "realism" so instead they make up for it with the cliche "dark and edgy, magic is rare, nonhumans are nearly extinct," yada yada yada.

Off to a great start. Man I love it when people try to do grimderp hard grit setting in d20 systems. Really just scooters my ankles. It's not like there are other systems like, say, Interlock you could hack to make a more 'realistic' system that caters to that desire.

I know virtually nothing about Hackmaster, but I know it's what Kalamar switched to. I'd guess it suits the setting's needs better than d20.

Gritty, low fantasy, low magic settings are a dime a dozen and I don't understand their popularity.

Oh because people have a knee-jerk reaction to D&Disms like Hit Points letting you survive being stabbed or armor making you harder to hit, or the fact that a hardened adventurer can basically fall from the moon and be fine.

I've always found such objections odd. D&D 3.5 is a high powered setting. This is like complaining that you can't kill Superman with an AK-47, it's a genre conceit.

The actual 'popularity' of such settings can be sort of seen in D&D 5e? Where most of the characters don't move beyond 'can kill like 3 orcs in a straight fight'. The 'scale' never goes up that high and stays in a comprehensible spot. People don't want to actually go up to sky castles and fight armies of clockwork golems or go to the outer planes and go play games with outsiders. They wanna kill orcs or drow and go back to the tavern and drink and still be normal people.

It could be a taste thing, but I just don't understand the appeal. It could also be I look at settings like that and mourn the lack of agency the PCs actually have.

Also it's attempt at doing a Medieval African supplement ended up insansely racist.

Thank you Libertad, you are doing us all a service. Now someone please pass me the spoon so I can forget all of what I just read.

Hand me that spoon when you're done with it. In the meantime, I need some heavy duty Brainbleach.

[WiserOdin032402]

I've always found such objections odd. D&D 3.5 is a high powered setting. This is like complaining that you can't kill Superman with an AK-47, it's a genre conceit.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh not really? Depends on what level you are in 3.5. Levels 1 through 3 are generally considered low fantasy, 4 through 6 are like, recognizable fantasy along the lines of Tolkien, and level 7 through 10 is high fantasy. Level 11 and higher is what I like to call 'Gonzo D&D fantasy', where all the casters are infinitely better than everyone else at what they do and nobody really keeps up without becoming unrecognizable weird multiclass builds.

It could be a taste thing, but I just don't understand the appeal. It could also be I look at settings like that and mourn the lack of agency the PCs actually have.

The problem people have is with that level 11 and higher kind of stuff, though some have a problem with really going past level 6. I can understand why. People have conceptualized fantasy RPGs into a tiny bubble of recognizable play. Granted, I will say, that apparently the original developers all the way back during OD&D didn't even playtest past level 10. All the stuff above that was purely for setting-level bullshit and levelling usually took so long that nobody really played in that space even back in the day. And let's not even get to the fact that Immortals took this shit to level 36. Really people just need to go make their own systems with their own basic assumptions rather than just trying to alter the basic framework of D&D to not make D&D happen.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

I've always found such objections odd. D&D 3.5 is a high powered setting. This is like complaining that you can't kill Superman with an AK-47, it's a genre conceit.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh not really? Depends on what level you are in 3.5. Levels 1 through 3 are generally considered low fantasy, 4 through 6 are like, recognizable fantasy along the lines of Tolkien, and level 7 through 10 is high fantasy.

I was mostly talking about higher levels. That said, since low level D&D 3.5 works reasonably well for low powered fantasy, I wonder why more settings don't just use E6 or something.

Level 11 and higher is what I like to call 'Gonzo D&D fantasy', where all the casters are infinitely better than everyone else at what they do and nobody really keeps up without becoming unrecognizable weird multiclass builds.

Yeah, that's about when the game typically breaks down. I could see a party consisting of all spellcasters working, though.

It could be a taste thing, but I just don't understand the appeal. It could also be I look at settings like that and mourn the lack of agency the PCs actually have.

The problem people have is with that level 11 and higher kind of stuff, though some have a problem with really going past level 6. I can understand why. People have conceptualized fantasy RPGs into a tiny bubble of recognizable play.

This is probably the reason for the knee jerk reaction to stuff like D&D characters surviving orbital drops.

Granted, I will say, that apparently the original developers all the way back during OD&D didn't even playtest past level 10. All the stuff above that was purely for setting-level bullshit and levelling usually took so long that nobody really played in that space even back in the day.

This seems to be an issue with a lot of RPGS.

And let's not even get to the fact that Immortals took this shit to level 36.

You mean the Immortal Handbook? Because that book has monsters with challenge ratings in the quadruple digits.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

Classes
All the core classes get namedropped here, except Monks. Psions and Psychic Warriors get mentioned, but not Monks. I know they’re very different thematically from most D&D classes and can be hard to fit into a medieval setting, but they occupy a niche that a lot of players want.

We get a list of gods in Kalamar and I don’t care. Their names are boring, and we don’t get anything more than their names. I will point out Kalamar is one of those settings that thinks that gods shouldn’t have stats and you’re a filthy munchkin if you think they should.

We also get some “variant classes”, which seem to be new classes as far as I can tell. Basiran Dancer, Brigand, Gladiator, Infiltrator, Shaman and Spellsinger. These names don’t exactly fill me with confidence…


Basiran Dancer is Bard variant, they say it has better combat abilities than a Bard and it’s got medium BAB. Did 3.0 Bard have low BAB?

Anyway, the dancer apparently gets its own spell list, some bonus feats you don’t care about, bonuses to some skill checks (largely useless) and a small miss chance (20%-30%). The spell list sucks and you’d be better off just playing a Bard. You’ll never play as one.


The Brigand is a shitter Rogue with some godawful fear abilities. You’ll never play as one.


The Gladiator is basically a Fighter with good REF saves, that can make more AoO and gets a shitty fear class feature. You’ll never play as one.


The Infiltrator is an unholy fusion of a Rogue and Ranger but manages to be worse than either class. You’ll never play as one.


D&D already has like, three different classes with “Shaman” in the name, but in KoK’s defense (I think I threw up in my mouth a bit) none of them existed in 3rd edition at this point. The Shaman is a strange combination of the Druid and Cleric classes.

They get Wild Shape and access to Druid spells. But they also get their own spell list as well as a totem which confers a minor benefit, as well as “domain spells.” You’ll probably want the one that gives you a +2 to WIS.

Shamans also get a weird class feature that anyone who attacks them while they’re helpless or “completely unaware” have to make a DC 14 WILL save or take 6 points of ability damage to a random stat. The Shaman seems passable, but I’m not sure why you wouldn’t just play as a Druid.


A Spellsinger is literally just a Sorcerer that gets the ability to ignore the somatic and (non-costly) material components of their spells. But they only get the same numbers of spells per day as a Wizard, minus the bonus spells from specializing. You’ll never play as one.


The classes all suck with the exception of the Shaman and I don’t see a compelling reason to play as one over a Druid. I’ll bet the prestige classes are just as bad, if not worse.


Prestige Classes
The first prestige class in this chapter is a merchant that requires a non-good alignment.

The character must own or operate a business with an annual income of 20,000 gold pieces or more and the Golden Alliance must ask the character to join.

How often do player characters attempt to run businesses? Was this prestige class meant for NPCs? This sets the tone for the entire chapter. All of these prestige classes suck ass and virtually all of them sound like they’re for NPCs. Mariner? Slaver? Muse?! (Okay, that last one actually gets a couple spells, but it still sucks monkey fuck.)

You’d think the Golem Master might at least be decent, since it’s centered around making minions, but no. It only advances spellcasting 4 out of its 10 levels. Utter trash.

The Order of the Slayer isn’t total shit, but it’s still pretty damn shitty. The Sentinel of the Providence can turn outsiders and it’s still shit.

All of these prestige classes are awful, which I saw coming, but I was foolishly hoping we might have gotten one that fully advances spellcasting and thus might have been decent. How naive of me!

[WiserOdin032402]

Well if Libertad showing off their review wasn't a sign that this thread was only going to go down I've failed to delay the inevitable. I have to admit that I've read this book before and seen these classes, finding all of them wanting. That's a surprising amount of magic classes for a low magic book cough cough.

Really, I never got making variants of classes that just make the class shittier or weird hybrid classes that don't fit into their own niche. Especially if they don't force you to play as that class.

Does this book at least have a banned spell list? Iron Kingdoms d20 had that at a minimum.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

Well if Libertad showing off their review wasn't a sign that this thread was only going to go down I've failed to delay the inevitable. I have to admit that I've read this book before and seen these classes, finding all of them wanting. That's a surprising amount of magic classes for a low magic book cough cough.

I won't lie, this book is a lot worse than I remember it being.

Does this book at least have a banned spell list? Iron Kingdoms d20 had that at a minimum.

Not only does KoK not bother with a ban list for spells, they introduce some powerful new spells, as well.

[WiserOdin032402]

Not only does KoK not bother with a ban list for spells, they introduce some powerful new spells, as well.

So you're telling me that people who set out to make a low magic setting with a dark fantasy premise not only didn't ban any caster classes, didn't ban any caster feats, didn't ban any spells, didn't alter how spellcasting worked at all to make it more limiting, added more spellcasters in, and added in more powerful spells? And then had the gall to put out a super duper racist supplement book?

Sounds about par for the course for 3rd party d20 or D&D books that try to make d20 or D&D a 'realistic' game. Just add in a bit of racism and nerf fighter types to make it more 'realistic' but also make sure to jerk off casters a bit more and say they're 'rarer' and 'more terrifying'.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

So you're telling me that people who set out to make a low magic setting with a dark fantasy premise not only didn't ban any caster classes, didn't ban any caster feats, didn't ban any spells, didn't alter how spellcasting worked at all to make it more limiting, added more spellcasters in, and added in more powerful spells? And then had the gall to put out a super duper racist supplement book?

Just wait until we get what might be the most broken caster feat of all time...

[ColorBlindNinja61]

Skills
Skills are pretty much the same in the majority of d20 books, save for new skills and when someone feels like monkeying around with the system.

For some reason, KoK has Knowledge (Military Logistics), Knowledge (Military Tactics), and Knowledge (Military Training). Fucking why?! Just lump them all into Knowledge (Military) or better yet, fold them into Knowledge (History)!

On the other hand, all monsters have been consolidated into Knowledge (Monsters) and the same has been done with Knowledge (Races). We also get a skill for miming (Pantomime), yes, I’m serious.

We also get separate skills for speaking languages and reading/writing them?! What’s that? The reading language skill is a variant rule? Doesn’t matter, I’m still offended by its inclusion.


Feats
This is the where we start getting the broken shit. It’s not uncommon for d20 hacks to have godawful feats, but every once and a while they include ones that are OP as hell.

Some of these feats are merely okay, like Arterial Strike (+1d6 Sneak Attack + bleeding wounds) while others like Fey Blood (you get low light vision) are garbage.

Other feats are really good. Child of the Earth, for example, is a human only regional feat that grants you a luck bonus to all saving throws equal to your CON mod!

Most of the feats here are pretty boring, bonus to skills or whatnot, for instance. We also get a series of feats to power up your familiar and some fear-based ones. Which is… interesting, I guess? (What is with KoK and fear effects?)

There’s a feat that grants you an extra melee attack, even if you’re already acted that turn. Another lets you ready an action and then act again on your original initiative count.

Inheritance is particularly useless, a feat that you can only take a level 1 that gives you +200 GP. Try to contain your excitement.

Tough As Nails causes weapons that hit you to take half of the damage they inflict. As if Fighters didn’t feel small enough in the pants already…

Miser With Magic is pretty OP, make a Spellcraft check (DC = 10 + double the spell level) to keep a spell slot when you cast magic! This feat comes online at level 7, your Concentration mod is going to be something like +12 and the highest DC you’ll have to make is 18.

Failure just means you don’t keep the spell slot, you only fail to cast the spell entirely if you fail the check by 5 or more. This is easily the second-best feat in the book.

But the undisputed king of broken feats is Irresistible Spell. All you need is to be level 7 and another KoK feat (Envelop the Wall). Irresistible Spell is a metamagic feat that lets you remove the saving throw from any spell for a +4 spell level adjustment.

Even without metamagic reduction, you can take Flesh To Ice (5th level spell) and stick it in a 9th level slot. No save, just turn into a fucking ice sculpture. This feat is why I ban KoK material, BTW.

Spellcasters win forever in Kalamar, being a low magic setting just means there’s no one to challenge your mystical reign of terror.

[WiserOdin032402]

Skills
Skills are pretty much the same in the majority of d20 books, save for new skills and when someone feels like monkeying around with the system.

For some reason, KoK has Knowledge (Military Logistics), Knowledge (Military Tactics), and Knowledge (Military Training). Fucking why?! Just lump them all into Knowledge (Military) or better yet, fold them into Knowledge (History)!

On the other hand, all monsters have been consolidated into Knowledge (Monsters) and the same has been done with Knowledge (Races). We also get a skill for miming (Pantomime), yes, I’m serious.

We also get separate skills for speaking languages and reading/writing them?! What’s that? The reading language skill is a variant rule? Doesn’t matter, I’m still offended by its inclusion.

But you see, having a million different skills for every little thing just makes it that much more realistic! It's unrealistic that characters know more than one thing. Players should have 1 skill point per level to put between 10,000 different skills, because that's incredibly realistic! And they definitely shouldn't be allowed to take 10 on anything.

Feats that would make Monte Cook blush

I just. You know, you can't make this shit up. I reserve any further coherent thought on that for later. I just can't. This book has managed to fucking kickflip the goddamn rake down the stairs and fuck up all its intended setting conceits.

[amethal]

We also get a skill for miming (Pantomime), yes, I’m serious.

Pantomime is its own thing, it's not miming.

Since a pantomime typically includes singing, dancing, comedy and (bad) acting, as well as cross-dressing, then the Pantomime skill is clearly overpowered. It replicates four other Perform skills and can be used in place of Disguise provided you disguise yourself as a different gender.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

We also get a skill for miming (Pantomime), yes, I’m serious.

Pantomime is its own thing, it's not miming.

I said it was miming, because that's exactly what the skill description says it is. It's the author's fault they don't know what Pantomime means.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

Religion
An entire chapter of this bullshit? Really? I just cannot be arsed to care about the gods of most D&D settings, hell I can barely remember ones from Greyhawk, what makes you think I care about the ones in KoK?

Oh look. Clerics who don’t venerate a specific god, but concepts get the shaft. You can’t get spells higher than 2nd level? What the fucking hell is this bullfuck?! Did someone on the design team get their shit in a tizzy about power gamers having their Clerics venerate concepts so they could cherry pick domains? God fucking damn it, this book is pissing me off!

We also get the names of the gods here and each race has a different name for each deity. Which means you’ll never remember the names of these fuckers. We also get a conversion chart telling us which D&D deities equate to the Kalamar ones.

We also get a list of the KoK gods’ churches, priesthoods, and canons. You see, the god called The Watcher’s priesthood are called… The Watchers!

Canons are scripture that the various faiths have and what their religion forbids. The Balance prohibits the frivolous use of magic. This crap sounds like it’s just there for the DM bone a Cleric PC for not following the tenants of their religion. This bit on canons seriously goes on for over 5 pages and I just don’t care. I doubt anyone else does, either.

One of the evil religions (centered around disease) requires its Clerics to kill cats and with that I’ve lost all enthusiasm to continue. If I was to run a game in KoK for whatever reason, you can bet I’d just rip out these gods and use the standard D&D pantheon.


Equipment
D&D already has more items than you could possibly ever use, the inclusion of this chapter in the first place isn’t a good sign.

This section opens with alchemical items and herbal concoctions. Most of it is useless bullshit, like minor bonuses on some skills or dealing 1d4 damage.

One of them is a noisemaker that could come in handy at low levels and that’s the primary problem with items like these. They’re only useful at low levels and they usually cost too much.

The only herbal concoction I found that might be good is Orchidia, which makes someone look like they’re dead (DC 20 Heal check to discern they aren’t). This shit lasts an hour, but no saving throw is listed. I can’t tell if this is an oversight or not.

We also get new types of poison and I have to wonder why all this extra junk is necessary. Was this crap just accumulated over time as someone’s homebrew then all jammed into the setting? We seriously get 13 new alchemical items, poisons, and herbal concoctions each. That seems a bit much.

We also get a segment talking about buying slaves, including a really detailed chart to calculate how much slaves of various ages, occupations and races are worth. Slavery is legal in KoK’s continent of Tellene, because grimdark.

Because elves are better than you, they cost three times as much. The book tells us:

They make valuable slaves across Tellene especially filling domestic and pleasure roles.

So, the book just told us elves make good sex slaves. After giving rules for buying one. What the fucking hell is wrong with this book?!

To make matters even worse, slavery is apparently quite profitable, and adventurers sell for a tidy sum: 100 GP/character level (or x3 that for elves). Which just incentivizes the party to capture their enemies and sell them into slavery. I don’t fucking even…

We also get rules for new weapons that aren’t worth the paper they were printed on. Ditto with the new armor, it’s trash.

Next time we’ll talk about the combat chapter.

[Libertad]

Say what you will about grimdark edgy settings like Warhammer 40K, they at least go to the max with tight leather and BIG GUNZ and look like something out of a heavy metal band's wet dream.

Kalamar is pretty much the edginess but with none of the cool factor.

Also it's still funny whenever I hear about 3rd party rulesets trying to do non-magical alchemy but end up arriving at the universal conclusion of making them ridiculously underpowered. Say what you will about Pathfinder, making it just a sciency form of magic was the right idea.

[WiserOdin032402]

This is why I hate it when people try to do grimdark settings for the sake of spiting D&D. It's just being needlessly edgy and fucking up a mediocre thing for the sake of 'muh realism'. And these guys can't even stick to their own ideas. Also, seriously, why the rules for a slave market? Come the fuck on. If I want to do shit like that and be a morally reprehensible bastard I'll play Conan d20 2e, which is a far better game than this one.

I...There are so many better ways to make a dark low-fantasy setting I just...The raw edginess and stupidity is going to give me a stroke

[amethal]

We also get a skill for miming (Pantomime), yes, I’m serious.

Pantomime is its own thing, it's not miming.

I said it was miming, because that's exactly what the skill description says it is. It's the author's fault they don't know what Pantomime means.

OK, now I've learned something, so I suppose that's a good thing.

Pantomime has seldom been performed in the United States, although a few productions have been mounted in recent years. As a consequence, Americans commonly understand the word "pantomime" to refer to the art of mime as it was practised, for example, by Marcel Marceau and Nola Rae.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

Combat
The chapter opens talking about the various fighting schools that your character might have trained at. Why is this information in the combat chapter? This is all just fluff!

We get some new combat options, like kicking, which is just an Unarmed Strike but deals more damage. Except you take an additional -2 on your to hit rolls. So, it’s useless.

Shield Disarm… Negate someone’s shield AC bonus… Which caps out at +4 and is likely as low as +2…

Rules for throwing, that looks promising. Wait, it only works if you’re grappling and you can only throw someone 5 feet away…

Unbalance! Make a STR check VS and they make an opposed Balance check to avoid falling. Wait, this is actually decent?! Holy shit! But couldn’t you just trip them?

And damn this chapter was short, that’s all of it!



Adventuring

“Nothing bad ever came from victory.”

This book is making my head hurt.

This chapter talks a bit about roads (because Kalamar = ancient Rome) and then moves on to diseases. Diseases are one of those things that get overlooked in D&D 3.X, since the saves are so low and single 3rd spell negates them.

The only disease that caught my attention was the black plague. DC 16 to negate, 1d6 STR, CON and 1d2 INT damage. Make three successful FORT saves to recover. Oh, and elves are immune. Because they’re better than you.

Okay, that was a lie, there was another disease that caught my attention. The Dancing Death, which apparently causes seizures. Lame.

We get a section on PC nobility, which surprised me since I thought the book would insist that players can’t be nobles, you disgusting power gamers.

The chapter prattles on for some time about how different nobles in various regions of KoK differ and we get a sidebar:

It’s hard to imagine a ruling noble rising from her throne in order to enter a filthy dungeon.

Good, we get acknowledgement that being nobility can make it hard for PCs to go on adventures. It’s suggested that the player characters might be related to ruling nobles instead of actual rulers. Which… works.

The next portion talks about how Clerics advance their standing in their church. It costs 100 XP to achieve rank 2 and it cost even more to gain rank 3, so I doubt most players will bother.

Even a rank 1 Cleric is expected to accept donations and turn them over to the church, perform ceremonies and evangelize. All of these duties sound like they’d get in the way of killing monsters and taking their stuff. The last one sounds a like a fine way to make everyone else at the table uncomfortable.

I find this particularly vexing because unlike Call of Cthulhu, D&D doesn’t suffer from the problem of having PCs that are expected to hold down jobs instead of running off to have adventures. Why introduce these elements when they’ll just cause problems?

For a chapter called Adventuring, it certainly had fuck all to do with adventuring…

[Libertad]

Combat
The chapter opens talking about the various fighting schools that your character might have trained at. Why is this information in the combat chapter? This is all just fluff!

Does it at least have some cool HEMA discussion on stuff like you see in those YouTuber vids like Skallagrim?

We get some new combat options, like kicking, which is just an Unarmed Strike but deals more damage. Except you take an additional -2 on your to hit rolls. So, it’s useless.

Shield Disarm… Negate someone’s shield AC bonus… Which caps out at +4 and is likely as low as +2…

Rules for throwing, that looks promising. Wait, it only works if you’re grappling and you can only throw someone 5 feet away…

What if you throw someone down a pit? Do they just float in mid-air once they pass a certain threshold?

This chapter talks a bit about roads (because Kalamar = ancient Rome) and then moves on to diseases. Diseases are one of those things that get overlooked in D&D 3.X, since the saves are so low and single 3rd spell negates them.

This amusingly throws the whole "economy is medieval" claim to fame that KoK has. Cuz Imperial Rome had a universal currency system (or one close to it). Then again so does D&D, so KoK fails on that account too.

Even a rank 1 Cleric is expected to accept donations and turn them over to the church, perform ceremonies and evangelize. All of these duties sound like they’d get in the way of killing monsters and taking their stuff. The last one sounds a like a fine way to make everyone else at the table uncomfortable.

Are there any decentralized or informal relgions? I can't imagine a God of Chaos and Strife being big on bureaucracy.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

Combat
The chapter opens talking about the various fighting schools that your character might have trained at. Why is this information in the combat chapter? This is all just fluff!

Does it at least have some cool HEMA discussion on stuff like you see in those YouTuber vids like Skallagrim?

No, they're really boring and have names like "Royal Marine Academy."

We get some new combat options, like kicking, which is just an Unarmed Strike but deals more damage. Except you take an additional -2 on your to hit rolls. So, it’s useless.

Shield Disarm… Negate someone’s shield AC bonus… Which caps out at +4 and is likely as low as +2…

Rules for throwing, that looks promising. Wait, it only works if you’re grappling and you can only throw someone 5 feet away…

What if you throw someone down a pit? Do they just float in mid-air once they pass a certain threshold?

The way it's worded, they seem to expect you to only throw people into squares that are solid ground. Which seems like an oversight, since the first thing players are going to want to do is throw guys off cliffs.

Even a rank 1 Cleric is expected to accept donations and turn them over to the church, perform ceremonies and evangelize. All of these duties sound like they’d get in the way of killing monsters and taking their stuff. The last one sounds a like a fine way to make everyone else at the table uncomfortable.

Are there any decentralized or informal relgions? I can't imagine a God of Chaos and Strife being big on bureaucracy.

The religion chapter is really poorly laid out and mostly focus on the various dogmas of the deities rather than their priesthood. So, I'm honestly not sure if the chaotic gods have organized religions. They do have dogma.

EDIT: To give you an idea of bad this organization is... They list the canons one right after the other in alphabetical order, but they don't tell you which belong to what god. You have to flip back and forth between a chart that has that information on it.

[Libertad]

I looked at the 1d4chan entry for Kingdoms of Kalamar, and I found this quote rather pertinent:

The 3rd edition Kingdoms of Kalamar books are notorious for being some of the worst content to be officially branded Dungeons & Dragon (not merely OGL, though it's a strong contender even in that) since they somehow got WotC to officially license it.

[ColorBlindNinja61]

Magic
KoK had the idea of alternate uses for Clerics’ turning, called channeling. It’s not a bad idea, but much like domains, it’s segregated by deity. There are lot of these and some them are even good.

For instance, a Thousand Doubts imposes an initiative penalty equal to your CHA mod on all foes in a 60-foot cone. That’s actually helpful.

Other channelings provide some energy resistance, stun enemies, duplicates the confusion spell, remove status conditions and so on. I could see these being useful enough to steal for a D&D game.


But because KoK can’t stop having bad ideas, we get another one to add to the pile. Divine right of kings. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?! Did no one on the dev team seriously think about how repulsive this would sound to modern audiences?!

This bullshit even gets mechanics! Barons get +2 VS charm effects and Uncanny Dodge as 3rd level Rogue. Counts get +4 VS charm, divine grace and Uncanny Dodge as 6th level Rogue. Dukes get Slippery Mind, +2 on saves VS poison and immunity to diseases.

Princes get +4 VS poison and DR 5/silver (why silver?). Kings are immune to poison, get DR 10 and cannot be duplicated. That last one requires elaboration:

Cannot be Duplicated: The king cannot be magically duplicated by clone, simulacrum, or similar spells, nor can a creature magically disguise itself to appear like the king with spells like change self or polymorph self. This protection extends only to the plane on which the kingdom is located. As with any other magical resistance, the king can choose to allow specific exceptions.

So, the entire doppelganger replaces the king plot is flushed down the toilet, because… why exactly? Did someone involved in KoK’s production have their players impersonate the king and it really pissed them off?

Except this can’t happen in Kalamar because the setting is stupid.

Lastly, the emperor has spell resistance 10 + his character level and DR 20.

Seriously, what the fucking hell is this bullshit?! In a setting where we’re assured the players can be important, the nobility is arbitrarily protected by the gods.

We get half-hearted line about how the gods be fickle bitches, so they could remove their protection. But that actually makes this worse, since it makes the Kalamar deities out to be spiteful, capricious, little shits who will turn on you because it’s Tuesday.

Additionally, did anyone seriously think for a second that these piddly bonuses were going to save the bluebloods from death via PC? It sure as hell ain’t saving them from scry n’ die, that’s for damn sure.

The effects granted are arbitrary, too, and don’t seem to be cumulative. Why can I make a Simulacrum of the Emperor but not the King? Why can’t I flank a Baron when I can flank a Duke? Why are Prince weak to silver? Are they fucking werewolves?!

I can’t help but wonder if someone on the design team realized this shit isn’t doing fuck to protect the upper class from the scary, scary players. Because they threw this crap in:

(Emperor Kabori is rumored to have several bodyguards above 18th level!)

Fuck you! You can’t claim your setting can be shaped by “ordinary men and women of extraordinary courage and resolve”, then have big dicked NPCs that bitchslap them when they try to do just that.

What the hell are “several” nigh demigods doing standing around watching the emperor eat, shit and fuck?! Don’t they seriously have anything better to do?! Why aren’t they ruling the country?! FUCK THIS BOOK!!!


Spells
Oh boy, the spell chapter. Given how KoK handed out some of the most broken caster feats imaginable, this ought to be good.

The first concept that the spell chapter discusses is scalable spells. The idea is that you can put a lower level spell in a higher-level slot to increase its effect. More proof 5e never had an original idea in its entire lifespan.

But what we’re really here for are the spells. It’s well known in 3.X that one of the primary reasons casters are better than you is that new books cannot resist adding at least a couple new spells for them to play with. Let’s see what KoK has to offer.


The first spell to really attract my attention is Appear as Wizard. Which makes it look like someone else is casting a spell rather than you are. It only works on a single spell per use, but it’s 1st level. I’m somewhat impressed, this is useful and pretty flavorful.

I could see an evil mage framing an innocent farmer as a murderer with this spell. The players could cast it on an enemy to make their allies think he’s turned on them. It does allow a WILL save to negate, but it’s still quite neat.


Another good spell is Cloudsleep, which is based off of Cloudkill, so it’s 5th level. Foes with 3 or less hitdice just fall asleep, no save. It can put enemies with 4-6 HD to sleep if they fail a FORT save but the real goodness is that critters with 6+ HD are auto exhausted, no save. It is mind-effecting, though, but most creatures that are immune to exhaustion are also immune to mind-effecting anyway.


Divine Stasis is a 9th level spell that is a lot like Temporal Stasis, except with no saving throw. A bit redundant with the existence of Irresistible Spell and probably too high level to see any use in most games.


Dorma’s Battle Ward is a 1st level spell that nullifies magic in a 10 ft./10f. area for a single round. That’s… insane. As written, this first level spell could save your entire party from any magical effect, no matter how powerful. It’s basically a level 1 Antimagic Field.


End lets you, well, end any spell you cast on yourself, even spells that aren’t dismissible. End is scalable and can only dismiss spells lower than itself. I suspect this spell was the product of a houserule to fix the fact spellcasters can’t always end the duration of their own spells.


False Strike imposes a -20 on an enemy’s to hit (WILL negates). It’s just True Strike, but in reverse.


Fetching Carpet is a flying carpet that seeks out an individual specified by the caster and ferries them to you.


Not all of these spells are good. Gold Lust is a 4th level spell that only works on medium humanoids, offers a WILL save and spell resistance all for the purpose of making them greedy.


Monstrous Thrall is an instantaneous Dominate Monster, but it costs 500 XP per hit dice of the creature you cast it on.


Natural Death is a 9th level save or die that kills via aging, which means most resurrection spells can’t return the victim to life (undead, constructs and outsiders are immune).


But Off the Mirror is the spell I remembered for being overpowered. It’s sort of a cross between Ice Assassin and Banishment that lasts 1 round per level and is 5th level.

The victim is placed in a small demiplane if they fail their WILL save and replaced by a loyal duplicate. That’s already really good, removing a hostile enemy and giving you an ally in one stroke. But it can obviously be abused via combining it with spells like Planar Binding.


There are a lot of spells in this book, so let’s cover one more, Summon Fey. It’s a scalable and it summons any fey with hitdice equal to the spell’s level. Unlike your stock Summon Monster, Summon Fey lasts a minute per level.

You could, at level 1, get yourself a Nixie with Charm Person 3/day that lasts 24 hours. Or, you can summon a Pixie with its slew of SLAs and fantastic arrows that put people to sleep or give them amnesia. You also have a 10% of getting one with Irresistible Dance.

KoK foolishly printed a monster book that’s official content, so you can summon a fucking Leprechaun that can cast Polymorph Any Object at will for you (only works on object, sadly, not creatures).

Yours for the low price of a 1st level spell slot! Order now while supplies last!

So, in summary, KoK is supposed to be a low magic setting, that hands out insanely powerful caster feats and incredibly powerful spells. Good job guys, good job.

Next time, we’ll cover magic items.