More Threads that make us Laugh, Cry, or Both

[Jacob_Orlove]

That guy is hilarious.

i don't have to cheat to get 4 18's, only to get 6, 18's or to get stats below 13, me cheating would be me saying i got ridiculously low scores. the closest thing i do is reroll ones and twos.

[JonSetanta]

K, the kobolds can only hit level 20 (or, hell, more than level 1) if they don't die first.
Ravenous curiosity and death toll are offset by a ridiculously efficient birth rate to compensate. Like feeder mice.
So while kobolds, as a race, retain the potential to dominate any planet, most individual members would sooner raid a farmhouse for taters and beer at risk of being brained with an axe than sit down for a third of their life to read 'musty tomes' and speak foreign languages.

Elves and other 'civilized races', however, with their extended (and sometimes methuselan) lifespans and lesser requirements for survival tend to do boring and tedious things that would seem unappealing to most day-to-day beings.
Like read spellbooks.
I even know fellow humans like this; when given the choice between knowledge or immediate material gain, most choose the latter.

[Sir Neil]

Gaahrr -- from the Dumbshock forums:

Hospital Security in 2070

. . . armed guards and motion detectors keyed to radio tags and magic forcefields and hellhounds and watchghosts and SWAT teams and ninja nurses and . . .

How I Killed My Campaign

The Yakuza started killing the PC's contacts while trying to retrieve an NPC. The players responded by going balls-to-the-wall psycho-clown crazy.

What's a DM to do? Half of dumbshock says that no one will help the party, even the enemies of the Yakuza, and the characters will all die a horrible death crushed under the DM's giant penis. And it serves them right.

I think there's nothing the bad guys can do to turn this into a win. Everytime they kill a PC, the player gets to bring in a new character, after all. Eventually they'll start bringing in Troll Suicide Bomber Adepts, with Demolition 4, Infiltration 6 and 400 kg of foam explosives strapped on underneath their chameleon suits. DV:140p

[K]

1201576947[/unixtime]]K, the kobolds can only hit level 20 (or, hell, more than level 1) if they don't die first.
Ravenous curiosity and death toll are offset by a ridiculously efficient birth rate to compensate. Like feeder mice.
So while kobolds, as a race, retain the potential to dominate any planet, most individual members would sooner raid a farmhouse for taters and beer at risk of being brained with an axe than sit down for a third of their life to read 'musty tomes' and speak foreign languages.

Elves and other 'civilized races', however, with their extended (and sometimes methuselan) lifespans and lesser requirements for survival tend to do boring and tedious things that would seem unappealing to most day-to-day beings.
Like read spellbooks.
I even know fellow humans like this; when given the choice between knowledge or immediate material gain, most choose the latter.

This DnD, and heroes don't die....they use resurrection magic. While 99% of every race is a bunch of useless bastards with elves lolling around the forests having non-reproductive sex and the kobolds are playing Smell My Finger, the heroes of both races can gain a level in one exciting afternoon.

I mean, there is nothing forcing anyone to do anything with their time, regardless of how long or short a time they live. Once their basic needs are met, the vast majority of people don't learn foreign languages, or master new skills, or learn to excel at anything. They spend time with their families or play games or putter around with a hobby and don't actually learn anything useful. Having you even heard of the waste of cycles known as profession sports?

Heroes on the other hand will spend whatever time they have learning useful stuff, and they can extend their lives if they really need to. Heroes are people who say to themselves "yeh, I could spend the rest of the evening drinking with my buds, but I'm going to finish these problem sets."

This is why I think most people imagine immortality as some sort of Hell. They really can't imagine filling up eternity because they can barely find a way to waste a Sunday afternoon. Learning new things and embracing new experiences is frustrating and hard, and most people just don't have the emotional fortitude or imagination to do it.

Exceptional people just can't be judged by their race, either in DnD or in real life. There is no mechanical reason why a kobold can't reach 20th level, and there is no flavor or story reason either. Just like most great scientists do their best work in their 20s, most adventurers do their best work in the same period (or younger).

Basically, I'm calling you a racist.

[Prak]

1201589603[/unixtime]]

1201576947[/unixtime]]K, the kobolds can only hit level 20 (or, hell, more than level 1) if they don't die first.
Ravenous curiosity and death toll are offset by a ridiculously efficient birth rate to compensate. Like feeder mice.
So while kobolds, as a race, retain the potential to dominate any planet, most individual members would sooner raid a farmhouse for taters and beer at risk of being brained with an axe than sit down for a third of their life to read 'musty tomes' and speak foreign languages.

Elves and other 'civilized races', however, with their extended (and sometimes methuselan) lifespans and lesser requirements for survival tend to do boring and tedious things that would seem unappealing to most day-to-day beings.
Like read spellbooks.
I even know fellow humans like this; when given the choice between knowledge or immediate material gain, most choose the latter.

This DnD, and heroes don't die....they use resurrection magic. While 99% of every race is a bunch of useless bastards with elves lolling around the forests having non-reproductive sex and the kobolds are playing Smell My Finger, the heroes of both races can gain a level in one exciting afternoon.

I mean, there is nothing forcing anyone to do anything with their time, regardless of how long or short a time they live. Once their basic needs are met, the vast majority of people don't learn foreign languages, or master new skills, or learn to excel at anything. They spend time with their families or play games or putter around with a hobby and don't actually learn anything useful. Having you even heard of the waste of cycles known as profession sports?

Heroes on the other hand will spend whatever time they have learning useful stuff, and they can extend their lives if they really need to. Heroes are people who say to themselves "yeh, I could spend the rest of the evening drinking with my buds, but I'm going to finish these problem sets."

This is why I think most people imagine immortality as some sort of Hell. They really can't imagine filling up eternity because they can barely find a way to waste a Sunday afternoon. Learning new things and embracing new experiences is frustrating and hard, and most people just don't have the emotional fortitude or imagination to do it.

Exceptional people just can't be judged by their race, either in DnD or in real life. There is no mechanical reason why a kobold can't reach 20th level, and there is no flavor or story reason either. Just like most great scientists do their best work in their 20s, most adventurers do their best work in the same period (or younger).

Basically, I'm calling you a racist.

Was anyone here actually arguing in favour of that dipshit's "fixes?"

[Crissa]

No, but someone was suggesting that elves should learn slower. Which wasn't on the grognard's list.

-Crissa

[PhoneLobster]

Its a natural mechanical upshot of making lifespan a limited character resource.

You can't just do that for everyone but then give the elf an unlimited life time supply... of life time.

Not that it matters, since a slower learning elf just makes the kobold die of old age earlier in the level progression waiting for the party elf to level up anyway... but I don't know, at least he doesn't feel quiet as ripped off or something if the elf spends a proportional amount of his limited resource.

[tzor]

1201567410[/unixtime]]For every wise old person I've met, I've met at least one old fool. Also, it's stupid that sight and hearing improve with age.

First it is important to remember that in 1E (where the wis increase was first given) there were no stat increases based on level. Personally I think they should have dropped it in 3E because stats were far more variable than they were in 1E.

As to the notion that sight and hearing improves with age, I really could argue for hours on that subject. Hey I'm 47 so I should know these things. Honest, it's true. The only problem is that in the real world we have two factors (disease and long term skill damage) that is never applied to PC characters. If there were real cure disease and restoration spells in the real world those old farts would be spotting pennies on the road at a hundred paces and probably all be killing themselves in a mad rush to get there first. :tonguesmile:

In order to understand immortal eternity, I will use two models from Star Trek. The most common example is the first order level of infinity the set of counting numbers. This is protrayed in the Q who eventually after a near infinite amount of time went off the collective deep end. The other example is the non temporal model of the wormhole beings who did not live infinitely linearly but floated back and forth across their own time line in a quantum uncertain sort of manner.

[Fwib]

That might work for civilised elves, but for savage/tribal/jungle/wild/whatever elves, they have to have spent decades of their lives playing survivalist, no?

[Prak]

I would think that the "savage" elves have also spent a hundred years learning the history of the elven race, along with really mundane survival stuff, but hell, I don't know. It's hard to think explanations that wouldn't translate into something along the lines of a skill bonus.

[JonSetanta]

1201589603[/unixtime]]
Basically, I'm calling you a racist.

True true, most of any population is destined to be a background of timewasters. Perhaps that conundrum is what makes heroes so special.

The success of an individual or small group also doesn't guarantee the success of a race or nation. I cite the Republican party or Paris Hilton as example.
I imagine that most heroes would keep to themselves as they progress in power, effectively separated from normal interactions of their own kind as a result of the very power they seek and accumulate.
The growth of competence at the expense of a boring, normal life... I believe Frank addressed such a setting option about a month ago, with a proposal that social interactions would become more difficult for hardened adventurers simply because they can no longer relate with the average citizen.

If only patience and emotional fortitude could be represented in game mechanics, there would be a solid RPG basis for why NPCs suck and don't amount to much.
Their 'focus levels' are too low, or something.

If I were immortal, I would expect two major choices to arrive once everyone I've known in a normal lifespan has died; either dominate everything, or vanish safely into contemplation.
In the long run there would not be too many other options. Every action and waking moment would be directed towards one of those two ends.

And when it comes to kobolds, yes indeed sir I am a racist.
Fucking smelly little dragon furries.

[Voss]

They were more fun as yipping dog critters.
I still want to track down a copy of the 'Kobolds Ate My Baby' game. It just sounds inherently amusing. And I can't really think of a better use for babies.

[Koumei]

Yipping dog critters that didn't gain levels and only existed to get kicked about by PCs.

[Crissa]

Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic[/url]]

[Voss]

Exactly. Thats part of what made them better.
It isn't good if you try to stick the comic relief into a starring role.

At least they finally managed to figure that out for the gnome...

[Prak]

I actually much prefer them as mini-dragons...the yipping dog thing just... ugh.

However, they seem to get the shaft a whole hell of a fucking lot...

Races of Dragon-fucking seemed made entirely for the purpose of saying "Ok, you can play a fanatical jihadist of Bahamut that isn't a dragon, a flamboyantly gay scaley person that isn't a dragon, or a kobold. that isn't a dragon. Or you can play a Kobold that is, with your first level feat, a dragon, as in the creature type. Then you can spend your 3rd level feat and glide 10ft. Then you can take another feat at 6th level and fly at 30'(av.) for a number rounds equal to your probably miserable con score, anymore and you become fatigued. At 12th level you can finally do what everyone else has been doing for the past fucking 7 levels, at least."

[JonSetanta]

Oh, great. Now I'm addicted to yet another web comic.
*sigh*

[Cielingcat]

1201660605[/unixtime]]Oh, great. Now I'm addicted to yet another web comic.
*sigh*

I cured that by playing WoW.

[Koumei]

And how do you cure that?

[Jacob_Orlove]

Take a baseball bat to your computer.

[Cielingcat]

Start a better game.

[Crissa]

Get to 70, raid.

Bingo, cured.

Another several million people will be cured a year from now, when the next expansion comes out.

-Crissa

[Yahzi]

This is why I think most people imagine immortality as some sort of Hell.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Susan Ertz

[Crissa]

Personally, except for the part where everything costs money, wouldn't mind immortality.

...Then my hobbies of sleeping and dreaming wouldn't be frowned upon due to lack of lifespan.

-Crissa

[Koumei]

Are we talking "IDDQD" immortality? You know, where you cannot die *at all* and can't be hurt? That'd be pretty cool.

"Hey, local government, I can't be killed or hurt. How much are you willing to pay me to dispose of the countries' supply of cocaine and heroin in a way that won't let anyone else get it and the environment isn't contaminated by the smoke of it being burned off?"

"Want a single person to personally bust up the local gangs? Give me money, their location and a knife!"

"Want both an awesome movie AND an end to the crisis in (enemy nation)? Pay me some money, throw me out of an aeroplane, get someone to film it, and give me weaponry suitable for the genre of movie you're after. Preferably bananas loaded with C4."