[Non-US] News That Makes You laugh/cry/neither...

[tussock]

Pfft, It's long been proven Jesus was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy from the Southern US who spoke English in the King James vernacular. Says so right in the bible somewhere.

Though I'm not quite sure how those people understand the tale of 1492.

If you consider that America is God's chosen nation which been blessed because of our strong Christian heritage and beliefs, you can say that Jesus is "American."

America is the greatest nation on earth because of our history as a God-fearing nation. We were created as a Christian nation, and as such, we have adapted the teachings of both God and Jesus. In that way, Jesus IS American.

Ah... French Revolution really, Christian Nation is just McCarthy's propaganda, not actual. Yeh, that's how I'm on topic, the French Revolution, ... of the Rights of Man ... etc. Never mind.

[Maxus]

Bearded drag queen wins Eurovision, Russia, along with several other countries, loses it mind.

This is sort of political.

[Koumei]

I always love it when Russia loses its shit! Belarus too, that's a plus, them being "the East-Euro country that friends and I joke about being shitty in a way that's generally backed up by the efforts of the actual country".

That said, she has a great singing voice and it was a good song, too - she probably got plenty of "fuck Russia" votes, but it's not just spite.

Points to Belarus for having a very bland, boring song by a bland, boring group that look like douchebags. And points to Poland for just producing soft porn on stage.

[Meikle641]

Haven't watched the contest, but it kinda looked like Poland got robbed.

[Prak]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/0 ... _hp_ref=tw

Boko Haram's leader declares war on Abraham Lincoln, among other western leaders.

[Koumei]

Haven't watched the contest, but it kinda looked like Poland got robbed.

Not really. Honestly, Poland's one was hot, but while that might be enough to make it into a Top 10 album list on MTV or whatever (because tits), the actual performance wasn't great quality. They're not bad singers, but not super amazing either, and the song wasn't a great choice. They won viewers over with tits, but the judges presumably had been informed "Don't fall for such a cheap ploy".

[DSMatticus]

They won viewers over with tits, but the judges presumably had been informed "Don't fall for such a cheap ploy".

You're not giving the irony of the situation the credit it's due. The juries are made of music industry vets. Some non-zero number of them have at some point in their life answered the question "how can I make this product more popular?" with "oh yeah, tits."

I know, I know, it's unfair to characterize the entire music industry so cynically. But it's funnier, so I am.

[Koumei]

I would assume that the judges have experience in using those tricks, so they're resistant to them, similar to how you can't level-drain a wight.

And comparing agents in the music industry to life-draining undead seems apt.

[PhoneLobster]

Boko Haram's leader declares war on Abraham Lincoln, among other western leaders.

Are you trying to make fun of these guys? Because Boko Haram's leader is alive and Abraham Lincoln is dead 1-0 Boko Haram.

But seriously. Fuck Boko Haram those guys are real bad fuckers. They're a bunch of murderers and slavers who target children specifically for daring to go to school.

[Prak]

Yeah, I just found it interesting. There's really not a lot one can say about a bunch of deranged religious fanatics who think books are evil.

[Longes]

Well, Donetsk Republic had the referendum, and voted for independence from the Ukraine. Let's see how (and if) things change now.

[Username17]

Haven't watched the contest, but it kinda looked like Poland got robbed.

Not really. Honestly, Poland's one was hot, but while that might be enough to make it into a Top 10 album list on MTV or whatever (because tits), the actual performance wasn't great quality. They're not bad singers, but not super amazing either, and the song wasn't a great choice. They won viewers over with tits, but the judges presumably had been informed "Don't fall for such a cheap ploy".

My Slowianie is OK in Polish, the English version sounds kind of bad. For the final, they sang it in both languages, which just underscored how their singer can't English very well. But really, I think they lost a lot of points for subject matter. My Slowianie is, under all the tits, a declaration of Slavic nationalism. Kind of shits all over the purpose of Eurovision, which is supposedly to bring European countries together.

-Username17

[Starmaker]

The icing on the cake is that it's mostly politicians (and politically affiliated celebrities) who lost their shit and told wingnuts it was rage time. Russian viewers, the ones who actually gave a damn about the contest, voted Conchita 3rd. And she's now first on the Russian iTunes sales chart, so nice job fixing it, villains.

There was some disagreement between the experts and the public over Conchita, particularly in some eastern European countries.

Judges in Armenia and Azerbaijan both ranked the bearded lady 24th, while their popular vote placed her second and third, respectively.

There was another split in opinion in Belarus, where the judges ranked her 23rd, while the public placed her fourth.

That's awesome. You can smell desperation and hear thought bubbles popping. Wingnuts, like everyone else, like to blame politicians and claim to represent the common people. It's awesome when the common people don't quite measure up, hur hur.

Zhirinovsky is the guy who ordered his aides to rape a pregnant journalist for the glory of Christ. Hate speech is pretty much his profession, and fwiw, it's not weird by itself that an MP (or a priest, or a celebrity) voices an opinion about random events. Now, wingnut media is quoting the Armenian Ministry of Defense PR guy. Apparently, a bearded woman is an existential threat.

[Username17]

Zhirinovsky thinks that world leaders should be celibate and avoid contact with women. Also he offered to get naked in a sauna with Bill Clinton. He is almost the last person on Earth that I would turn to for clarification of what is and is not "gay."

-Username17

[Koumei]

If I were not at work, this is where I would post a picture of Borat. Because Zhirinovsky sounds like his idea of what is gay is... a little off.

[Longes]

Zhirinovsky thinks that world leaders should be celibate and avoid contact with women. Also he offered to get naked in a sauna with Bill Clinton. He is almost the last person on Earth that I would turn to for clarification of what is and is not "gay."

-Username17

Zhirinovsky is pretty much a clown.

[Ancient History]

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/201 ... dp-numbers

[CatharzGodfoot]

Eurovision makes me proud to be an American.

[PhoneLobster]

So our prime minister is pushing through a mix of cuts and huge fee increases and crushing student debt for university students right?

Turns out however his daughter has a cushy scholarship from an "elite" private tertiary institution.

Turns out it is kind of a minor scandal. Turns out because it's more than just a politically embarrassing coincidence of policy vs personal family circumstances. Because there are rather a lot of addition "coincidental" embarrassments.

I will see if I can run through the list so far.

The chairman of the institution is a known supporter and LNP donor.

Tony Abbot's Daughter got a $60,000 contribution to her course in Design in the form of a "Chairman's Scholarship".

There is no such thing as a scholarship in a Design course for this institution. No other student in the course has ever heard of one, many in various significantly more awkward circumstances have asked, and been told a very firm "no, no such thing exists".

The "Chairman's Scholarship" also does not exist. It is not advertised as available. It is secret. The requirements to receive it... are also secret. Also actually Abbot's daughter is the second person ever to receive it in, I think it was 25 years? Also actually she is really the first because actually the other person received an entirely different one off "scholarship" and they are now just saying "this one used to be called something else... one time ever totally trust us" so she isn't the only person ever to receive it.

But it's all fine because the institution totally promises it wasn't a bribe, because even though the prime minister didn't log it as a contribution/interest it was a (secretly trust us) merit based award and they never lobbied Abbot for anything ever.

... only... Abbot's office refused to confirm that and oddly made the statement that the Prime Minister "could not recall" if they ever lobbied him for anything.

However at least 400 other people apparently can, since the chairman of the institute actually vigorously lobbied the prime minister in public regarding, among other things, difficulties getting formal accreditation to run additional courses, then took the prime minister off to a private "VIP" function to further discuss the matter.

It was sufficiently vigorous the Prime Minister's office actually contacted the institute to ask them not to do it again at the next event he would be attending.

But in the mean time it was a complete coincidence that the institute received formal accreditation to run a new course they had been struggling for over a year to get.

It is also most assuredly a complete coincidence that the course in question is a Masters in Design, timed exactly perfectly for Abbot's daughter to start her Masters in Design being one of the very first few students to benefit from it. Presumably with additional secret scholarship funding.

But it's still not being declared as an interest by the PM, indeed his daughter is now no longer on his dependent list as she has found employment.

Coincidentally that employment is with the same educational institute that all this is happening at. And while it isn't entirely unusually for a masters student to do that, and the institute insists publicly that she is employed "based on merit" as a "teachers aide"... entirely by coincidence it turns out that on their internal documents the institute has only ONE employee without an officially defined role. And it's Tony Abbot's daughter...

So anyway, embarrassing complications have been rolling out every 12 hours or so on this one. They've probably dug up all the dirt now. But I hope it keeps going because at this rate some time next week the "Whitehouse" institute will be revealed to be a front for CIA funded Neo Nazi racial supremacists prostituting it's poorer students to fund people smuggling in order to sabotage the national broad band network for their secret owner and master Rupert Murdoch.

[shau]

Sounds like Thailand just had a coup. Does anyone know about this or know a good source to read up on it?

[Username17]

Sounds like Thailand just had a coup. Does anyone know about this or know a good source to read up on it?

No one knows what's going on in Thailand right now. As of a few days ago, the military declared martial law in the middle of the night without authorization from the interim prime minister without actually explaining why, and the interim prime minister announced that despite the military having imposed martial law without his knowledge or approval, it was all OK because they were still totally bros. That lasted like a day and a half and then people were like "No, really, this is totally a coup."

If you've not been following the crisis, here's a quick and dirty recap: Thailand is a divided country where the two factions don't have much respect for each other or democratic institutions. This is in no small part because the country has no democratic institutions because they have had a military coup on average once every five years since declaring independence. Seriously. If you go through the lists no Prime Minister has ever been elected, served their term, and then handed over power to a new prime minister by dint of a regularly scheduled election. That has literally never happened in Thai history. The current two factions are color coded: the Yellows and the Reds. The Reds win all fair elections because they are an alliance of the poors and the ultra-rich, while the Yellows represent upper middle class and military interests. The Yellow faction is ironically named the "democratic party," and they are openly hostile to the idea of one-person, one-vote because they are aware that they can't ever win an election that way. They are a weird mixture of fascists, monarchists, and technocrats who want to destroy democracy.

The Yellows have been tearing things down for months. The parliament got dissolved on December 9th, with new elections to be held a few months ago. Those elections failed, because Yellow faction members attacked enough polling sites that an insufficient number of precincts reported for the election to count. Then on May 7th, the supreme court (packed as it is with Yellow supporters nominated during various military juntas) announced that the Prime Minister couldn't hold her post either because reasons.

And now the military has seized power, and no one knows "why now" or "what they want." Because superficially it seems like they could have declared a coup back when the head of the Yellow faction literally went to a closed door meeting with the generals to ask them to throw a coup. Or when parliament was dissolved. Or when the elections failed to happen. Or when the prime minister was sent packing. Or when bombs exploded in the capital. Or any of a number of reasons. If this was a game of Junta, there has seriously been a coup excuse for like six turns running. And it seems like this particular coup was thrown just because the General of the 2nd Army happened to be at his headquarters this turn.

-Username17

[Koumei]

PL: don't forget such gems as...

1. THE WINK. A pensioner called into a Q&A show saying she had to work a phone sex line to make ends meet, and the PM gave a slow nod and wink. It was the creepiest thing you could ever see, beyond what Lovecraft might imagine. Now, all around the world, news sites, papers, shows... even other politicians are all agreeing that he's a creep. And they were already generally saying "Wow, this guy is evil, and an ass-hat on top of that!" He managed to win the title of most-hated PM in the world - which means he's beaten David fucking Cameron!

(Just PMs, most-hated-head-of-state would still go probably to President Putin, possibly to Chancellor Merkel)

2. The head of the Melbourne branch of the Mafia had provided considerable funding to, wait for it... the Coalition member for that seat. Well how about that.

3. The Greens pushed for a nation-wide Independent Commission Against Corruption. Now before you vote on whether to have one, you have to vote on whether you can vote to have one. Because Kafka. So they had the vote on whether to vote... and Greens voted "Yes we should", and Labor and the Coalition finally agreed on something, both voting "No we shouldn't". So clearly both major parties have something to hide there (no surprises), and now we can only speculate. So here's my speculation: they're both in league with refugee muslim union-worker biker sharks that work for the ABC.

[Koumei]

PL: don't forget such gems as...

1. THE WINK. A pensioner called into a Q&A show saying she had to work a phone sex line to make ends meet, and the PM gave a slow nod and wink. It was the creepiest thing you could ever see, beyond what Lovecraft might imagine. Now, all around the world, news sites, papers, shows... even other politicians are all agreeing that he's a creep. And they were already generally saying "Wow, this guy is evil, and an ass-hat on top of that!" He managed to win the title of most-hated PM in the world - which means he's beaten David fucking Cameron!

(Just PMs, most-hated-head-of-state would still go probably to President Putin, possibly to Chancellor Merkel)

2. The head of the Melbourne branch of the Mafia had provided considerable funding to, wait for it... the Coalition member for that seat. Well how about that.

3. The Greens pushed for a nation-wide Independent Commission Against Corruption. Now before you vote on whether to have one, you have to vote on whether you can vote to have one. Because Kafka. So they had the vote on whether to vote... and Greens voted "Yes we should", and Labor and the Coalition finally agreed on something, both voting "No we shouldn't". So clearly both major parties have something to hide there (no surprises), and now we can only speculate. So here's my speculation: they're both in league with refugee muslim union-worker biker sharks that work for the ABC.

[Parthenon]

Fucking democracy. Fucking lazy voters. Fucking first past the post voting.

Urgh. So the latest news in the UK is how the UKIP party got the largest number of seats in the EU and got about 160 local council MPs, when 2 years ago they had no council MPs and much fewer EU MEPs.

For those who don't know, the UK Independence Party is well known for racism and anti-immigration, wanting to get rid of human rights act, trying to get rid of maternity leave, cutting education, ignoring rape within marriage, ignoring climate change, their leader not knowing the party policy, noone knowing the party policy, and generally being reactionary idiots who are always against things but never for anything.

It turns out 10% of the voting population voted for them in the EU parliament. 10% of the population in my country are fucking idiots, while 65% are lazy shits who allowed this to happen by not voting.

Next year is the general election and this is a really bad sign.

[Username17]

Could be worse, could be Czech Republic. We had a voter turnout of 28%. Seriously. Our top party in the EU Parliamentary elections was ANO 2011, which is literally a hand puppet of a Slovakian billionaire. They aren't even part of a parliamentary bloc or anything, they are just there to block reforms to the tax code (on account of their owner would stand to lose a lot of money if the completely ridiculous "temporary" tax cuts put in by the feudalism party ever actually get rescinded and it turns out to be cheaper to finance a political party to ensure parliamentary gridlock to keep that from happening).

Yes, UKIP is bugfuck insane. Yes, the National Front in France are outright evil. Yes, Fidesz in Hungary are literal fascists and Jobbik are even worse. But in Czech Republic, democracy is literally for sale and there is an actual guy who has actually bought it.

At the end of the day though, none of this actually matters. What is actually going to happen is that despite having lost over forty seats, the EPP are still narrowly the largest bloc in the EU parliament. They are also supported by Cameron and Merkel, which means that the way the "qualified majority" system works, it is almost inconceivable that they wouldn't be able to shove Juncker into the Commission Presidency no matter what the vote tallies were. Now that they have the thinnest of pretenses to claim a mandate (or at least, no mandate for anyone else), Juncker is in and we all have to suffer.

We now get to see him unveil his plan to "return to growth without debt" and enforce it on Europe. All the crazy parties are just a side show, the real failure of democracy unveils right now. Despite the fact that the austerity measures have failed even on their own terms and are wildly unpopular throughout Europe and have been completely discredited empirically and theoretically, one of their biggest proponents now gets to head the European Commission and shove it down Europe's throats even harder.

Really, only a massive win by the Left Bloc could have even slowed this shit down, and that seriously was not going to happen. European Democracy is a failure. The supposedly "serious" parties are anti-democratic and the biggest opposition parties are anti-Europe.

-Username17