Quotes, 2012

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 3:11 pm

"Fuck you if this isn't the future you want. Be the hoverboard!"

"I am a terribly biased person. If someone offers me something free, but their spelling and grammar in the offer is incorrect, I instinctively want to refuse."

"You do not read difficult books to enjoy them, you read them to push yourself away from complacency. Dr. Seuss must give way in time to Charles Dickens or Chuck Palahniuk, or you will never progress."

"I see no reason why engineers should be less fallible to hokum and outlandish claims than any others, particularly when it falls outside their field."

"I've had my episodes of fanaticism, but like love I can never sustain hatred at any intensity for a prolonged period...at best, I will maintain a stark negativity and indifference until at last the whole grudge passes from memory, if it ever does."

"I would I had an empty page, to pour out my heart upon it; to wrap in words vain and bereft ambitions, and friendships lost to neglect, and all the weight of ennui that builds from things left unspoken, undone, unrealized. To recount small sins and small penances, and common dramas and tragedies of vulgar people who all dance together toward ultimate destruction, engulfed in petty things. Yet it would be incomplete, without an audience, and perhaps 'tis better not to unload on those who carry their own burdens, but to set the page in the fire, and with a blank sheet, try again."

"I was always glad when someone reminded me that Nazis were human. That meant they could bleed."

"I can't imagine reading this book normally. It isn't made to go down one page and then move on to the next. This is one for bibliomancy, to be read a sentence at a time at random, to sip and sample and conjure dark things with."

"No, we won't be going to the sky today."

"That's illegal, unethical, and amoral. Wow. The big three."

"I love to read about the lives of serious magicians and occult figures. Illusionists and scholars may keep quietly to themselves and sink into oblivion once people stop reading their books, but really serious occultists tend to live exciting lives involving sex, drugs, lawsuits, shifting fortunes, poverty, mental illness, name changes, surprise offspring, betrayal, and sudden changes of venue to different countries just ahead of the law."

"I generally avoid menses in my fiction."

"Humanity is a race of detectives and murderers...no other species experiences such an instinctual curiosity in how one of their members came to die, nor goes to such lengths to try and cover it up."

"You can read every word of his fiction a hundred times, and still not know the man. Real life has a way of being darker, cheaper, and more sordid than the pulp in your paperbacks. That typewriter between your soul and his, it's a gift."

"Lifetime Original Movies are actually a preview of Hell. If I had a choice right now between spending an eternity of physical torture or the spiritual malaise from watching stories about women talking and trying to come to terms with profoundingly Biblical sex, bring on the flames and pitchforks."

"I like a restaurant where I can order the same thing every time and always be surprised."

"Every human being has a mandate: Don't Be A Dick."

"You are not required to complete the task, yet you are not free to withdraw from it."

"They're lovely books. Feel the weight of this one. You could kill a man with it, if you had the mind."

"Each author pursues their own permutation of the same literary DNA of the shared mythology, but the stories are a random cross-sampling from across the Mythos spectrum, separated in setting, style, and tone."

"America never stopped being great. It was only the people that grew small and mean."

"I don't trust any management technique whose effect cannot be quantified."

"Never miss me before I'm gone."

"There is no idea so sacred as to be beyond question."

"What could be sexier than a woman reading a book?"

"We teach children that persistence is a virtue. That determination will see you through all things. That if you just hold out long enough, in the face of all adversity, against all opposition, you will push through to the other side and overcome all resistance - and even if you die, you died doing the right thing. What we don't always teach children is that it is not always the right thing. Some ...views are wrong, some ideas should not be fought for, and it becomes not even a matter of compromise, but realizing and admitting: this thing I have fought so long for, spoken so much for, worked so hard to see done or continued...is not worth it. Perhaps it was never worth it. How much harder a lesson is that to teach a child, much less a grown man or woman?"

"Science allows for flying spaghetti monsters, but has yet to record a rain of meatballs it cannot explain without them."

"Ignorance is not the same as innocence, nor is it any protection against the world."

"Metric shit-ton" is now an official unit of measurement. It is equivalent to the average number of people required to produce one metric ton (1,000 kilograms) of shit in a 24 hour period. Current estimates place the metric shit-ton at 1,034 people. That is a metric shit-ton of people.

"John Galt is a bad engineer."

"We accept that there are people on this earth you cannot reason with. But we can try. We have to try. Because if we wrap ourselves up in being right and everyone else is wrong, we're no better than they are. Being reasonable means having the courage to admit you may be wrong, and willing to entertain other ideas, even if you end up disagreeing with them."

"I'm sorry, my brain went off on a tangent about orcs. What were you saying?"

"In a hundred years, only scholars will read Playboy - and for the articles, fiction, and interviews they published. In five hundred years, if any Playboys have not crumbled to dust, they will be of interest only to archaeologists - who, unable to decipher the archaic script, will be forced to guess at meanings based on the surviving pictures."

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 3:27 pm

An interesting range of quotes ya got there. Who said 'em, if I may inquire?

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 3:38 pm

Oh, that's all me. Feel free to add your own.

ishy · Post by **ishy** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 3:38 pm

Ancient History wrote:"We accept that there are people on this earth you cannot reason with. But we can try. We have to try. Because if we wrap ourselves up in being right and everyone else is wrong, we're no better than they are. Being reasonable means having the courage to admit you may be wrong, and willing to entertain other ideas, even if you end up disagreeing with them."

VS

Talking to shadzar is like pushing 'next' on a shuffled list of stupid things. It's completely pointless. You can't actually talk to him. You can just get him to say more things. There's an important difference.

Who won? Who's next? You decide!

Sorry I couldn't help myself

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 3:46 pm

Ancient History wrote:Oh, that's all me. Feel free to add your own.

Really. Quite an awesome collection.

I can't say I've ever said anything worth remembering. At least, none that I can recall...

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 5:05 pm

ishy wrote: Sorry I couldn't help myself

Dammit, that's a hard one.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 7:46 pm

Actually, I do have some stuff that I remember saying:

"Okay, so I like to laugh in wildly inappropiate situations, and don't take anything seriously. So what? If I took life seriously, I'd end up like Chirs Matthews."

"I refuse to grow up and mature, 'cause then I'd have to buy larger pants."

"What good can come from playing a game with people who will literally punch you if you say an earlier version of it happens to be better or worse?"

"You have to punish yourself now because you broke your own rules by following your own rules. Suck it, bitch." (Me to my high school English teacher at a class reunion)

Friend: "I misspent my youth"
Me: "How else do you spend it?

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:27 pm

What's the story with the English teacher?

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:14 pm

She was a horrible, horrible woman who made my life exceedingly difficult. She gave me no end of grief and bad grades, simply because she didn't like me.

She's the one who forced upon us the mandate that we must all do our book and research reports as PowerPoint presentations alongside the actual written reports. It's because of her that I now hate essays, reports, and PowerPoint.

I did derive some small satisfaction from calling her "'Blow-Job' Thomas", since her first name was initialized as "BJ".

I'm bitter. What can I say?

Anyway, there was one time where I managed to shame her with her own rules. I think I talked about once "It's Personal" thread. It had to do with using that Stormfront backed site on Martin Luther King Jr. (martinlutherking.org or something) that I used intentionally for a research report to prove a point. Sometime later, at a school reunion, a friend of mine brought it up to her in front of some parents, and I told them that story. And they looked at me funny, and then at at her. It was great.

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:32 pm

Talking to shadzar is like pushing 'next' on a shuffled list of stupid things. It's completely pointless. You can't actually talk to him. You can just get him to say more things. There's an important difference.

Hey, wait, is that me?

Shadzar has since shook that worldview of mine by saying coherent things coherently. Not about D&D, mind you. On the topic of D&D, I stand by that quote 100%. But on other topics, he tends to say useful things frequently enough to be worth reading.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:59 pm

It's what the Mayan's meant by the world ending on the 21st.

Hey, shadzar, on the verrry off chance that you read this, could you say something coherent about D&D on Friday? I've got a bet going.

Ted the Flayer · Post by **Ted the Flayer** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:12 am

If anything I said was ever notable then other people would quote it.

PhoneLobster · Post by **PhoneLobster** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 2:16 am

Shrapnel wrote:She was a horrible, horrible woman who made my life exceedingly difficult. She gave me no end of grief and bad grades, simply because she didn't like me.

Your English Teacher story is WEAK!

I have better teacher stories, and a better English teacher story.

OUR evil stuck up English Teacher with an odd obsession with Euthanasia (she had no practical interest, it was just a hobby). EVENTUALLY lost her job when it was discovered she had for years been selling stories and poetry written by students, and entering students work in competitions and pocketing the prizes herself.

I know one aspiring writer poet who was a close friend who knew she was being entered into lots of competitions but kept being told she was losing them all when she in fact won rather a lot.

Take THAT for an evil female English teacher crushing the hopes of the youth. Making you do Power Point, oh boo hoo...

As a side story to that. Evil English Teacher once set us all the task of writing children's stories. In retrospect probably looking to mine the top level English class for more stealable material apparently.

One day the Cool English Teacher came in, looked over one of my buddies shoulders, then started reading his children's story aloud with a what may have been a slightly unintended emphasis.

The story started out a bit like...

"Jimmy loved his balls. Jimmy had lots of balls. Jimmy had big balls. Jimmy had little balls. Jimmy had brightly coloured balls. Jimmy had funny shaped balls. Jimmy loved playing with his balls. All the kids in the street used to come over to play with Jimmy's balls..."

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 3:14 am

PhoneLobster wrote: "Jimmy loved his balls. Jimmy had lots of balls. Jimmy had big balls. Jimmy had little balls. Jimmy had brightly coloured balls. Jimmy had funny shaped balls. Jimmy loved playing with his balls. All the kids in the street used to come over to play with Jimmy's balls..."

Jimmy got a job with Privateer Press :3c

Emerald · Post by **Emerald** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:14 am

Ted the Flayer wrote:If anything I said was ever notable then other people would quote it.

Well said.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:37 am

"My mind lives like Edgar Allen Poe died: drunk, in the gutter, and possibly riddled with syphilis."

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:38 am

I have a batshit insane History professor, and I've compiled a list of phrases he uses a lot (which is how I stay awake amongst his ultra-conservative verbal diarrhea.)

Would I be allowed to put "Sauerisms" as I call them (the professor's name is Dr. Sauer, which is actually a pretty awesome name for a professor or supervillain) up here?

They're not mine, so I feel the need to ask (others seem to be personal quotes.)

DSMatticus · Post by **DSMatticus** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 7:56 am

I say go ahead, if you think they're interesting. It's not like they're your favorite famous people quotes and the activity of reading them is replicable by use of our preferred search engine.

Post by **fbmf** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:59 am

Darth Rabbitt wrote:I have a batshit insane History professor, and I've compiled a list of phrases he uses a lot (which is how I stay awake amongst his ultra-conservative verbal diarrhea.)

Would I be allowed to put "Sauerisms" as I call them (the professor's name is Dr. Sauer, which is actually a pretty awesome name for a professor or supervillain) up here?

They're not mine, so I feel the need to ask (others seem to be personal quotes.)

As long as you're just attributing quotes to him, and since you've already told us his name, naming the collection of quotes after him is fine.

Game On,
fbmf

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:05 pm

PhoneLobster wrote: Your English Teacher story is WEAK!

I have better teacher stories, and a better English teacher story.

I never said I had the worst. But you're right, yours was better. Man, I'm glad I wasn't you.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 10:01 pm

OK, so Sauerisms are usually phrases, some of which aren't even really odd if it weren't for how frequently they're used (at least 10 or so are popped out per lecture, with any one being likely to be in at least every other class.)

It's mostly funny because if one had the time they could make a Sauer Quote Generator from piecing together Sauerisms into a sentence or two (note to self: do that eventually.)

In no real order:

"Classical Liberal Ideals"
"Wilsonian/New World Order"
"Communist threat"
"Absolute/total chaos"
"human nature"
"wear-with-all"
"make no doubt about it"
"don't/won't get with the program"
"Western Civilization"
"the bad guys"
"good vs. evil"
Communist world vs. free world"
"Nine times out of ten"
"Only real x/not really x"
"totally different world views"
"Judeo-Christian"
"won't accept democracy until a gun is pointed at their heads" (used to refer to the Axis, or Second Reich Germans)
"enlightened self-interest"
"here's a minority opinion" (always preceding crazy shit)
"freedom fighters" (used to refer to any and all anti-Communist forces)
"Anglo-American"
"It/they never went through the Enlightenment"
"Want to create a new man for a new age" (always sinister)
"I think it has more to do with [insert irrelevant factor here]"
"As you'll see in the book" (this guy is pretty elementary)
"the map on page x" (ditto)
"It was like Winston Churchill had a crystal ball" (actually said more than once, making it the most specific Sauerism)
"I like to divide [insert event] into phases"
"so-called wars of national liberation" (for pretty much any regime or political movement abroad the US fought against after WWII, usually Communists)
"Communist subversion" (see above:
"That's what's going on"
"on the face of it"
"the rule of law"
"He's/she's/they're going to/not going to buy into it"
"as I pointed out"
"when you come right down to it"
"as they see it"
"vis-a-vis"
"he/she/they could care less" (used in place of "they couldn't care less")
"there's nothing new here"
"I put that word on the board, right?"
"on the heels of this"
"capitalism tactically"
"I would have you consider that..." (usually followed by something crazy)
"completely different worldviews"
"a major concern down the road"
"a Great Leap Forward...over a cliff" (was funny the first time)
"on the ground"
"they think they've got the answers"
"The Cold War plays into this"
"it's a different situation altogether"
"that's not the way it will work out"
"I think what he/she has in the back of his/her head is..."
"flawed assumptions"
"for the most part"
"a different take on it"

Also, I say "Fair enough" a lot here (that's a Rabbittism, not a Sauerism.)

Voss · Post by **Voss** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:36 pm

Darth Rabbitt wrote:OK, so Sauerisms are usually phrases, some of which aren't even really odd if it weren't for how frequently they're used (at least 10 or so are popped out per lecture, with any one being likely to be in at least every other class.)

They aren't odd at all, especially for a history professor. If he uses them a lot, it just means he is boring and unimaginative.

I did see anything on that list that wasn't a fairly standard set-piece for someone teaching in the last 40 years.

fectin · Post by **fectin** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 12:06 am

Ted the Flayer wrote:If anything I said was ever notable then other people would quote it.

Exactly.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 12:10 am

Voss wrote:
Darth Rabbitt wrote:OK, so Sauerisms are usually phrases, some of which aren't even really odd if it weren't for how frequently they're used (at least 10 or so are popped out per lecture, with any one being likely to be in at least every other class.)
They aren't odd at all, especially for a history professor. If he uses them a lot, it just means he is boring and unimaginative.

I did see anything on that list that wasn't a fairly standard set-piece for someone teaching in the last 40 years.

I must have been getting relatively good History professors then, because none of them sounded nearly as monotonous as he did.

And I'm a History major.

Might just be lucky.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Thu Dec 20, 2012 12:52 am

I think you should've spent your time quoting Ted instead. (there is no emoticon for making a HEEH! noise/grin. This makes me sad.

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