Let's Play Fighting Fantasy #2: The Citadel of Chaos

[Red_Rob]

Ok, did it actually ever tell us that the shield spell doesn't work on magic? Because that is straight up bullshit.

Shielding
Casting this spell creates an invisible shield in front of you which will protect you from physical objects, e.g. arrows, swords or creatures. The shield is not effective against magic and, of course, if nothing outside it can touch you, you will not be able to touch anything outside it.

Yeah, we just suck.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(Left it is.)

(This seems like an odd thing to use up an illustration on.)
The door opens, allowing you into a large, circular room. You scratch your head quizzically. In the center of the room you can see a small "island," surrounded by a wide trench, on which stands a chest, locked with metal fastenings. The trench is too wide to jump and is very deep. Just inside the door is a length of rope. A door leads from the room, opposite the door you came in through. Will you:

Ignore the box and walk round the trench to the other door?
Cast a Strength Spell and leap across the trench?
Pick up the rope and formulate a plan?

[OgreBattle]

the mirror was for the girl, because girls are vain, the man faced spider was for the kids, because kids like gross things.

Formulate a plan

[Username17]

It offered us a "hairbrush" option. I assume that there was a hairbrush to be picked up somewhere in the basement or upstairs from the keep's front door. We have been railroaded through from the moment we me the annoying DMPC leprechaun, and I assume there was some other crap you could get before he forced us to go through the metal doors and activate the next act.

-Username17

[Dr_Noface]

"formulate a plan"

[Darth Rabbitt]

(We probably missed a good half of the shit in this tower, honestly. Fucking Leprechaun. Plus side is that we're pretty close to the end.)

An idea strikes you. You tie the rope into a loop, with a slip-knot at the end. Whirling the rope around your head, you try to snare the chest. After several throws, your loop goes over the chest and the slip-knot tightens around it. You pull, and the chest shifts. You pull once, and it falls over the edge and down into the trench - but to your dismay, the weight of the box is enormous and it pulls you right over with it! (We have a Levitation Spell.)

You release the rope and float into the air. Dropping back on to the ground at the rim of the trench, you curse at the fiendish trap that had been laid for greedy adventurers like yourself. You move on to the door opposite your entrance and try the handle.

You leave through the door and find yourself at the foot of another spiral staircase leading up into the Black Tower. Climbing the stairs, you eventually come to a landing where a single door is the only way onwards. You try the door. It opens slowly.

You feel yourself sucked into the room. As if by magic, your torch flickers and dies. The room is pitch black. From nowhere, yet everywhere, comes a mocking laugh which fills the room. "Foolish adventurer," says another voice, which changes its tone from high to low as it speaks, "Welcome to the home of the GANJEES! Unfortunately, it will be the last room you will ever see... Ah, but of course, you cannot see, can you? But we can see you, can't we brothers?" And laughing voices come from all around you. Suddenly a ghostly white luminous face flies towards you. You recoil in horror, throwing yourself on the ground, and begin to feel very frightened. Lose 1 SKILL, 2 STAMINA and 1 LUCK point for your fear. What can you do here:

Create a Fire Spell?
Try an Illusion Spell?
Feel in your backpack for an artifact?
Draw your sword?

Manstaff Cockbeard
Skill: 9/12
Stamina: 8/18
Luck: 7/8
Magic: 11/13
Equipment: Magic Battlesword (+1 Attack Strength,) Leather Armor, Enchanted Throwing Dagger (can be used once to automatically deal 2 damage to an opponent)
Backpack: Weeds, Ointment, Silver Mirror, Spider in a Jar
Keys: Copper Key, Silver Key, Green Metal Key
Gold Pieces: 10
Potions: Potion of Magik (restores a used spell, 2/2 doses left)
Spells: Fire x 3, Levitation x 1, Creature Copy x 1, E.S.P. x 1, Fool's Gold x 1, Illusion x 1, Shielding x 1, Strength x 1, Weakness x 1
Running Total of Deaths: 1

[Dr_Noface]

Artifact!

[Darth Rabbitt]

What will you pull from your backpack?

A Spider in a Jar?
A Charmed Amulet? (don't have one)
A Jar of Ointment?

If you have none of these, you will have to draw your sword and face them. (We have 2 of these.)

[Username17]

Why was levitating to get the treasure not an option in the first fucking place? It's like they literally decided to lamp shade how stupid it was to not let you levitate across the chasm to get the chest by having you levitate automatically when you automatically fail to get the chest. I really hate the author of this book.

That being said, I would suggest using the ointment. It's "dark", and this trap is "dark". That's the only "clue" I can think of to this stupid puzzle.

-Username17

[Darth Rabbitt]

The four good things I'll say about this book are:
1. It's only one of few that actually has a One True Path that, barring really bad rolls during Luck Tests and combat, assures victory regardless of your stats, but is difficult otherwise; most claim this in the opening, but only a few don't actually require decent to amazing stats.
2. Having a magic system is pretty fun, but unfortunately it's not as well done as it could have been.
3. Most obstacles have multiple ways to bypass them, which is aided by the magic system mentioned above.
4. The BBEG of this one is one of the more memorable for the series. That being said, the co-founders of the series definitely tend to write the weaker titles in the series, and I could say most of these are also present in far more enjoyable titles. I'm not going to run House of Hell or Creature of Havoc, which are the two other UK Steve Jackson books I own; I'm doing Ian Livingstone's Island of the Lizard King next, which is the first really fair FF book out there (it's almost impossible for a character with decent stats to die in it before the BBEG, who is much easier to take on than most in the series) and probably Livingstone's best (he also wrote City of Thieves and Deathtrap Dungeon, whose bullshit you may remember from the last two Let's Plays.)

"What is that?" demands a ghostly voice. You bargain with them. You will allow them to take the ointment if they will allow you through the room; you have no business with them. A ghostly hand appears from nowhere and tries to snatch the Jar from your hand, but you whip it away quickly. "It is indeed the Ointment of Healing," you hear one of the voices say quietly. "We accept your offer," says a voice. "Leave the Jar where you are and leave through this door. A door in the far corner glows softly. You do not trust them and take the Jar with you to the door. As you open the door you fling the Jar across the room and leave quickly.

You close the door behind you and find yourself at the foot of another staircase, spiraling up into the tower. Climbing the stairs, you arrive at another balcony where a single door is the only way onwards. Trying the door, it opens easily. But, as you push the door, a loud hissing noise comes from within. You step inside and turn cold as a huge, six-headed HYDRA snakes towards you over the bodies of its previous victims! Its six serpent-like heads dart at you, with vicious pointed teeth. You cower into the corner. Will you:

Draw your sword and fight the creature?
Use a Creature Copy spell?
Use something from your backpack?

[CapnTthePirateG]

Copy this shit. Hydras are notoriously difficult to sword.

[Darth Rabbitt]

You concentrate and cast your Spell. A Hydra's torso appears, but that is all. The creature is so large that a single Spell will not create a duplicate. If you have another Creature Copy Spell, you may use it (we do, if we use our Magicka Potion... this is going to be one hell of a Pokemon battle.)

You cast another Spell. Your partially formed Hydra grows a little more, but is still not complete. You will need one more Creature Copy Spell to form a whole creature. If you wish to cast this spell, do so and let the Hydras fight to the death:

HYDRA SKILL 10 STAMINA 17

(Pop our potion again; Mirror Match. Round 1: FIGHT!)

Combat Log:

Theirs 16, Ours 21. Theirs is at 15.
Theirs 17, Ours 20. Theirs is at 13.
Theirs 18, Ours 19. Theirs is at 11.
Theirs 19, Ours 15. Ours is at 15.
Theirs 16, Ours 18. Theirs is at 9.
Theirs 12, Ours 21. Theirs is at 7.
Theirs 20, Ours 15. Ours is at 13.
Theirs 18, Ours 13. Ours is at 11.
Theirs 16, Ours 21. Theirs is at 5.
Theirs 16, Ours 17. Theirs is at 3.
Theirs 15, Ours 20. Theirs is at 1.
Theirs 21, Ours 20. Ours is at 9.
Theirs 17, Ours 16. Ours is at 7.
Theirs 17, Ours 16. Ours is at 5.
Theirs 17, Ours 15. Ours is at 3.
Theirs 14, Ours 16. Theirs is dead.

Our Hydra brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, "It's better than yours;" Damn right, it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge.

You slam the door shut behind you. You follow a short, narrow passage, which winds round and round and brings you to the foot of another staircase, reaching right up into the apex of the Citadel. A sign on the wall reads "HALT. None may pass but by order of Balthus Dire." You realize you are nearing your goal. Cautiously you climb the stairs to the next landing, right up in the belfry of the Citadel. In front of you is a solid metal door. You try the handle but the door is locked. You lift a small flap and can see small tumblers underneath. This is a combination lock which can only be opened by those who know the combination. Do you know the combination? If so, turn to the section of the book with that same number. If not, you may either try to break the door down, or use a Strength Spell.

(Shit, we don't have the combination. What now?)

Manstaff Cockbeard
Skill: 9/12
Stamina: 8/18
Luck: 7/8
Magic: 10/13
Equipment: Magic Battlesword (+1 Attack Strength,) Leather Armor, Enchanted Throwing Dagger (can be used once to automatically deal 2 damage to an opponent)
Backpack: Weeds, Ointment, Silver Mirror, Spider in a Jar
Keys: Copper Key, Silver Key, Green Metal Key
Gold Pieces: 10
Potions: None
Spells: Fire x 3, Levitation x 1, Creature Copy x 0, E.S.P. x 1, Fool's Gold x 1, Illusion x 1, Shielding x 1, Strength x 1, Weakness x 1
Running Total of Deaths: 1

[OgreBattle]

Strength. We are near the end

[CapnTthePirateG]

Strength.

Wow, they really don't like you using magic to succeed at anything, do they?

[Dr_Noface]

Is there another way to get past the Ganjees besides giving it our random ointment?

Also, Strength.

[Darth Rabbitt]

(The Charmed Amulet scares them off, IIRC.)

Manstaff Cockbeard used Strength!

Manstaff Cockbeard's Strength allows it to move boulders!

The door is solid metal and no amount of charging, even with a Strength Spell, will budge it. You fall to your knees. After having come so far, your mission has failed. Unable to go on, you will have to try again; this time looking for the combination on the way through. You may, if you have one, use a Levitation Spell to take you away out of the Citadel. You will have to try again, tomorrow night...

(Wait, we could have just levitated up the whole time?)

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

WE FUCKING KILLED A HYDRA

BY MAGICKING UP ANOTHER HYDRA

TO USE AS OUR POKEMON

NO FUCKING COMBINATION LOCK WILL KEEP US OUT

Y U PUT ME THROUGH THIS UK STEVE JACKSON

AFTER I DEFENDED YOUR BOOK

FROM ALL THE SHIT IT DESERVES TO GET

YOU ARE A HO UK STEVE JACKSON

BUT YOU CAN'T STOP ME

SINCE I PERSONALLY KNOW THE REFERENCE NUMBER

TO GET PAST YOUR STUPID COMBINATION LOCK

(I remember the combination personally, but as to keep it a secret for anyone who wants to find it on their own, will substitute the Konami Code: UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, B, A, SELECT, START; Also we keep our Strength Spell because fuck UK Steve Jackson.)

You turn the handle as carefully as possible so as to surprise whatever awaits you. Slowly, the door opens and you enter the room, which is dark and lit by a single flickering candle. Your blood drains as you see a three-pronged TRIDENT heading directly to your throat! In a flash you must decide what to do. Will you:

Immediately cast a Shielding Spell?
Try quickly to side-step the weapon?

[Red_Rob]

Well, since we now know the Shielding spell works against physical attacks, the choice is clear...

[Darth Rabbitt]

In the nick of time, your Spell stops the Trident in mid-flight, horribly close to your neck. It drops to the ground.

As you compose yourself after your fright, you glance around the room. It is obviously some sort of Military Headquarters. Scrolls with strategic maps hang from the walls, as do portraits of past generals. A bookcase in one corner holds hundreds of leather-bound volumes. Ornate drapes are drawn across a large window. A cabinet along one wall holds pikes and swords of a variety of deadly shapes and sizes. In the center of the room is a model landscape which you recognize as the Vale of Willow. Armies of miniature troops are positioned on the model. This must be the invasion plan!

Leaning against the table, with eyes fixed on you, is Balthus Dire himself! His very stature is formidable. Well over two meters tall, he is built like an ox, with broad shoulders and muscular arms. In his battle tunic of leather with wide, studded wristbands, he looks more like a soldier than the demi-sorcerer he really is.

"Impudent peasant!" he growls. "Do you think you are any match for Balthus Dire?" With these words he snaps his fingers and you hear a grunting from behind. You swing round to see a grotesque creature shambling towards you. Its hairy body has four arms, each ending in vicious-looking hooks. As it approaches, it slashes the air in front of it. "Why, I'll wager you are not even a match for a CLAWBEAST!" laughs Dire. Will you:

Draw your sword to defend yourself?
Cast a Shielding Spell? (we're out)
Cast a Weakness Spell?

(Apparently Balthus Dire doesn't know that we fucking killed his pet Hydra while downing shots of Magicka Potion like it was a Hydra-killing drinking game. And since Balthus Dire has just sent out his second Pokemon, and this is the final battle, everyone knows that this must be playing while we fight Balthus Dire and his Clawbeast.)

Manstaff Cockbeard
Skill: 9/12
Stamina: 8/18
Luck: 7/8
Magic: 9/13
Equipment: Magic Battlesword (+1 Attack Strength,) Leather Armor, Enchanted Throwing Dagger (can be used once to automatically deal 2 damage to an opponent)
Backpack: Weeds, Ointment, Silver Mirror, Spider in a Jar
Keys: Copper Key, Silver Key, Green Metal Key
Gold Pieces: 10
Potions: None
Spells: Fire x 3, Levitation x 1, Creature Copy x 0, E.S.P. x 1, Fool's Gold x 1, Illusion x 1, Shielding x 0, Strength x 1, Weakness x 1
Running Total of Deaths: 1
Running Total of Failures: 1

[OgreBattle]

Weakness, it's time to begin our 5 minute workday

[angelfromanotherpin]

That combination door lock is a real weak point of the book. Virtually all the rest of the barriers you can bypass, even the triple-Copy Creature-requiring Hydra if you did like we did and used one shot of the spell and 2 shots of the magicka potion. But the combination lock is seriously 'go through the maze the right way or GTFO.' The book even trolls you by letting you blow a STRANTH spell on it even though that is also an instafail.

But the wizard's duel with Mr. Dire is actually pretty well-designed. So yeah, MANSTAFF USED WEAKNESS...

[Darth Rabbitt]

The beast whimpers as the spell takes effect. The immense weight is indeed a burden without its normal strength. It collapses in a heap, unable to even lift itself from the ground. You step over and run your sword through its chest. The unfortunate creature lies dead at your feet.

(Balthus Dire is out of usable Pokemon! Balthus Dire blacked out...)

Balthus Dire is surprised at your success. "So," he proclaims. "You think yourself stronger than the rest, eh?" You may act quickly and cast a Spell at him. Which will you choose:

An E.S.P. Spell?
A Fire Spell?
A Creature Copy Spell?

If you have none of these, or would prefer not to cast a spell,, you will have to draw your sword.

Manstaff Cockbeard
Skill: 9/12
Stamina: 8/18
Luck: 7/8
Magic: 8/13
Equipment: Magic Battlesword (+1 Attack Strength,) Leather Armor, Enchanted Throwing Dagger (can be used once to automatically deal 2 damage to an opponent)
Backpack: Weeds, Ointment, Silver Mirror, Spider in a Jar
Keys: Copper Key, Silver Key, Green Metal Key
Gold Pieces: 10
Potions: None
Spells: Fire x 3, Levitation x 1, Creature Copy x 0, E.S.P. x 1, Fool's Gold x 1, Illusion x 1, Shielding x 0, Strength x 1, Weakness x 0
Running Total of Deaths: 1
Running Total of Failures: 1

[Ikeren]

FIRE SPELL! MAGIC it up! Woo!

[OgreBattle]

ESP

He's probably an illusion.

[Username17]

ESP. He probably has a bullshit immunity to everything except something stupid and we'll need to read his mind before we can draw a quick star unicorn on our face.

-Username17

[Darth Rabbitt]

(There are multiple ways to defeat Balthus Dire, which each have a few variants. Which is something I really like about this part of the book.)

You concentrate on the sorcerer's mind. Images and words flash through your head. A couple of seconds later, there is nothing. You look up at Balthus Dire, who is glaring at you. "Do not try to probe the mind of Balthus Dire!" he commands. You concentrate again, but still receive nothing as he is now blocking your Spell. You reflect for a second on the images you did receive: a chart under the battle plan table...a sense of horror at a high-pitched screech...a blinding light...a ring on his finger...a razor-edged sword...and you.

He is now mumbling under his breath, watching you with one eye. He raises one hand in the air and concentrates his gaze on it. Then he looks at you. He waves his hand in the air, backwards and forwards and side to side, faster and faster. With a crash he brings his hand down on the table. You fall to the floor - not in surprise, but because the ground beneath you is shaking violently. The whole room seems to be tossing like a ship in a tempest. Although he has a firm footing and is now walking towards you, you cannot rise to your feet at all. Your only chance is a Spell, if you have any left. If so, will you use:

A Levitation Spell?
An Illusion Spell?

Manstaff Cockbeard
Skill: 9/12
Stamina: 8/18
Luck: 7/8
Magic: 7/13
Equipment: Magic Battlesword (+1 Attack Strength,) Leather Armor, Enchanted Throwing Dagger (can be used once to automatically deal 2 damage to an opponent)
Backpack: Weeds, Ointment, Silver Mirror, Spider in a Jar
Keys: Copper Key, Silver Key, Green Metal Key
Gold Pieces: 10
Potions: None
Spells: Fire x 3, Levitation x 1, Creature Copy x 0, E.S.P. x 0, Fool's Gold x 1, Illusion x 1, Shielding x 0, Strength x 1, Weakness x 0
Running Total of Deaths: 1
Running Total of Failures: 1